Admit it, you opened this expecting to read a dirty story. In truth, the only dirty story I will be telling you is mine.
I discovered kink about eighteen years ago. Through some dirty stories on the internet and a couple dirty magazines my mother hid in her dresser. However, I didn’t actively begin to see it out until three years later. I devoured every little bit of information I could find on kink, BDSM, and, more specifically, the Dominate/submissive dynamic. Though information was difficult to find, I discovered the basics. I found out what a contract was, negotiations, collars, and punishments.
For those of you who are just starting out:
Contract: Traditionally, a contract is a written agreement between two (or more) parties entering a Power Exchange relationship. This can include (but not limited to) a time limit, basic rules regarding behavior and punishments, expectations, soft limits, hard limits, a renegotiation time period, medical information that affects play, protocol, and so much more. They can vary in length as well.
- One example is a Protocol Handbook that I keep on my nightstand. Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel is a book that started out as a handbook for his own slave. It holds a variety of information, especially for those leaning more towards a Total Power Exchange (TPE)
Negotiations: This is an honest and vulnerable conversation when it comes to long term partners. It is a conversation, preferably in person, where you discuss everything you hope to get out of a relationship, what you can offer into the relationship, your limits, your desires, your wants, your needs, your history, and so forth. I personally recommend doing this in person because I know that I can easily misunderstand the tone of a text message or email.
Collars: For the longest time when I started out, I connected collars with the visual sign of ownership. In truth, it is a physical marking that you belong to someone. However, with anything, there are many ways and many more meanings to what a collar is. There is a variety of types: Consideration, day, pet, and play collars are only a few of the options. I learned much later in my journey that a collar is much more of a spiritual experience and even when I am not wearing it (though it rarely comes off) it is never really gone.
Punishments: I had always believed that punishments were physical deterrents to correct improper behavior. And, as I speak from experience, they can be. A few swats of the belt can leave a firm reminder of what not to do. But, more so, punishments are a time for self-reflection.
I am always harder on myself than my Master ever is. His corrections are swift and firm. But, the most important part, is He will always make sure I understand why I am in trouble. There are times I feel as though I’ve failed Him. Even stronger, I often feel I have failed myself. Master never hesitates to affirm that once a punishment is done, all is forgiven. He keeps the balance.
Like most, I did not find my Master in my very first relationship. In fact, I found a beautiful person who was just as kinky, and just as new, as myself. Two newbies do not make a seasoned player. With both of us learning, it was a lot of trial and error. I knew I was submissive. The idea of being a Top was off-putting. But, as my partner came from an abusive background, punishments for my misbehavior was a major struggle. There was nothing I could do to convince her that I was fine with being physically corrected.
So, I offered a compromise.
I offered the idea of a Punishment Jar.
It started out as a cookie jar that sat innocently on the fridge. When you opened the lid, there were ten white pieces of paper, all folded tightly to hide their contents. Each was numbered. The numbers corresponded to previously negotiated punishments. From that point on, if my behavior warranted punishment, the burden fell from her shoulders and into mine. My partner no longer stressed that her choice of punishment was too harsh (because we had already agreed on these) and she did not have to worry that my behavior would not be corrected if she was having a mental health day.
In all honesty, it also opened my mind to the idea of enjoying mind-fuckery. Half the internal battle is wondering how severe my punishment would be. Would it match the infraction? Would I be up into the wee hours of the night writing lines? Would I be sleeping on my stomach because my ass was too sore? Would I have to sleep alone?
Twelve years, and two additional partners later, and those questions only get harder to answer.
My Jar has grown in the last twelve years. When I mentioned it to Master during one of our negotiations, He decided he liked the idea. The uncertainty I felt as I had to draw my numbers appealed to the Sadist in Him.
It was very easy instructions. I was to pick one punishment for each day of the longest month of the year plus one to grow on. Each punishment had to be personal to me. It had to push me in some form. I was given three days to complete the task. After which, I presented Him with the list, and He decided those which met the requirements and removed those that did not. Then I labeled 32 pieces of white paper with numbers, folded them tightly, and placed them in a mason jar. When I draw from my jar, I never know the punishment until I get my book. It contains the list of what each one means.
I’ve been told that He can see my face fall when I start looking for the number(s) I need. After all, the point of mind-fuckery is to keep you on your toes.
I have typed up my current list to give an idea of how to create your own jar should you so wish. I will add bits and pieces of clarification and why they are personal to me.
Disclaimer: Some of these are about mental mind-fuckery. They sound both callous and cruel; or so I’ve been told by other individuals. It is important to note that I selected each and every one of these and then had to explain them to Master as I am about to explain them to you. These are punishments that push my limits but never cross them. Please do not apply them as a standard. Some of these can be considered cruel.
- 250 lines
- If you have never written lines, I can assure you they are painful as can be. Add the aspect that each line must be written one at a time, with proper grammar, and a sentence of Master’s choice (not always limited to one written line), you will regret drawing this one. Especially if they are due by dinner the following night and you work a full-time job.
- 6 smacks—barehanded spanking
- For a masochist, I have always found bare-handed spankings to be the most difficult to bear. Implements were far easier to take and in this, I wanted the ability to both increase my tolerance and push my pain threshold while also knowing that it was not something I enjoyed.
- 15 minutes in corner
- Simply stated, it is humiliating.
- 1 day –suspension of right to serve
- I am a service-oriented submissive. I find my peace in taking care of my household.
- 4 hours—no kneeling, centering, or sitting on floor
- Furniture is the Devil, didn’t you know?
- 2 hours—no kisses, no hugs, no cuddles
- I am a tactile human being. If withheld long enough, I can shut down emotionally. I chose this as a motivator. Knowing this is in the jar, and never knowing if it will be chosen, helps me think twice about misbehaving.
- 3 hours—no talking beyond Yes/No Sir/Ma’am
- I have a severe phobia of silence. If there is silence, I will fill it. I will talk until I’m blue in the face just to avoid such silence. Having a limitation on that pushes me.
- Public Apology in Group/at munch
- It is hard enough to make amends in private, it is even harder to do it in public.
- 30 minutes–Physical Restraint of Dom’s choice
- Surprises are a great toll in mind-fuckery.
- No wearing of cuffs to next munch
- I have a pair of custom leather cuffs that Master made. I can wear them to munches and parties. I struggle when they are taken from me.
- 1 hour—blindfolded
- Vulnerability is a good reminder that Master takes care of me and an exercise of trust.
- Shine Master’s Boots
- While I enjoy taking care of Master, when I wrote this, I despised shining shoes. As that has changed since then, this will more than likely be replaced soon.
- 10 minutes—hold coin to wall with nose, no matter what
- If you have never been tickled within an inch of your life while trying to stay still, you will never know this pain.
- 2 days—not allowed to give massages
- Body worship is a kink of mine.
- 24 hours—no licking, no suckling, no sucking
- I have an oral fixation to the point of addiction.
- 20 minutes—sensory deprivation and left alone
- This is the conquering of a fear while being punished
- Handcuffed to furniture during dinner—no service allowed
- Removal of right to serve is one of my least favorite on this list. Handcuffing requires someone else to serve me. It is salt to a wound.
- 400 lines
- Death to writing hand.
- 3 hours— no skin to skin contact
- Skin to Skin contact is how I relax and deal with anxiety. Removal of that comfort helps the lesson stick better.
- 10 Smacks—barehanded spanking
- Still don’t like spankings.
- 6 Smacks—with belt
- I’m pretty sure the sound of a belt through its loops is playing through your head as you read this. Enough said.
- 15 Minutes—Silent treatment from Core
- Being in a poly relationship, I have three partners. I refer to them as my “Core.” Silence is a fear. Silence from partners can be unbearable.
- 100 lines
- Don’t worry, my hand cramps fifteen sentences in.
- 10 Minutes—nose to wall, no moving–no matter what
- “No Matter What” implies that Master gets to mess with me in his uniquely Sadistic way while I try to complete my punishment.
- 5 Minutes tickle torture
- I hate being tickled. Master loves to tickle.
- 6 Smacks—Dom’s choice of implements
- Giving a Sadist choices is an exercise in mind-fuckery.
- 30 Minutes—No talking/no signing
- This is to give me time to reflect within myself’.
- 3 Minutes—kneeling on rice
- Little bullets of death
- No bedtime hugs and kisses
- Removal of tactile affection causes anxiety. It also makes it more memorable.
- 1 work shift—No texting
- I live by routine due to OCD. Changing my routine and leaving me in the dark about what is happening at home is an exercise in self-control
- 6 Smacks—with crop
- Done right, the crop makes quite the statement.
- 13 Smacks—With Tigger
- Lastly, is Tigger. He is reserved for punishment and I feel him even as I write this. Tigger is exactly as he sounds. He is the character, wearing a birthday hat, on a stick. He leaves the most beautiful bruises, in the most painful way.
There it is. A glimpse into my world—my jar. It sits ever so innocently on the living room shelf, waiting for the signal that I have earned the punishments held within its glass walls.
I dislike failure, as I said before. I do my best to behave because to do any lest undermines my relationship with Master. However, I am human, and mistakes happen. Whether Master decides to correct me with punishments from the depths of his imagination or has me draw from my Jar, the point always gets across.
About the Author
My name is Joji. I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42. I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling. I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay. I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning. I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan. I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education). It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement. We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.