Discipline Even When He or She Isn’t Around

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well.

I have talked to some people in the lifestyle recently that think that being a submissive of any kind is just about being micromanaged and doing what the D-type says in their presence.

While this kind of dynamic can be a reality, the fact of the matter is, is that the submissive should still hold themselves accountable and follow protocol to the best of their ability even when their D-type is not around (in my opinion anyway). They should want to do these things as well; they should want to be the best submissive, slave, pet, etc they can be at all times. Now, I know all people make mistakes and no one is perfect. I am merely mentioning that the sub should want to try to be obedient at all times. Trying one’s best is all anyone can ask for-whether you are vanilla or kink.  I am not talking about brat play here either. That’s a whole different topic.

The D-type also should trust that the s-type will follow protocol even when they are not present.

Power exchange, at least in my opinion, requires an extremely deep commitment that goes beyond if someone is physically there. To me, I always feel that my Master is with me and I must always make him proud.

I think that’s what it is too. Wanting Him to be proud of me and the choice He made to own me. I also want Him to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am following His wishes too. This relieves worry or hesitation from His mind I am sure.

As a submissive, if you do not feel the urge to follow protocol when you are not in the presence of your D-type, I would do some digging into your psyche and figure out why that could be.

Do you not want to be an s-type? Do you not want to be committed to this particular D-type? Is it the protocol or ritual itself? Is there another factor that is impeding your service?

Furthermore, in my opinion, power exchange is about doing what’s right and expected of you even when no one is watching. It’s about sticking to what you agreed to and having impeccable follow through-for both sides of the slash. If anything needs to be changed, a discussion should ensue. The submissive should not modify things on their own behind the D-type’s back. On the same note, in my opinion, a responsible D-type should not change protocol without having a discussion with their submissive. Now, based on your dynamic, the Dominant might not need to gain consent to have this change take effect. However, I feel simply sitting down with your sub to discuss any changes is important nonetheless. This gives the s-type time to process and adjust accordingly.

As previously mentioned,  I am in no way saying an s-type can’t have a bad day. We all do, myself included. We all make mistakes.

What I am saying is that for a power exchange dynamic to reach optimal success and fulfillment all parties must be committed to making the other proud and happy even when they are not in the same room, state, location, etc.

When my Master goes on a business trip I am still his property and must carry about his wishes. The structure of the power exchange should not change, unless otherwise pre-negotiated.

To me, submission to my Master is in my bones. I feel physically ill if I don’t do as he desires. To right my wrongs, I always confess my errors, and would rather graciously take my punishment than to keep anything from Him. To me, to govern me effectively, He must know me completely and that includes my mistakes and weaknesses.

A successful power exchange requires such a commitment. Now, I am in NO WAY saying that  our relationship is the be-all-end-all and that everyone should have a relationship exactly like ours. We are not perfect, and are always learning, growing, and trying to better our dynamic. Being with my Master is the only power exchange I have ever known, and because of this, I am merely taking examples from my own experiences to help bring real life examples to this article. I humbly bring up the kind of commitment I feel towards my Master to hammer home the type of commitment I am referring to. However, everyone’s dynamics will most likely look quite different than ours, and that’s totally great. No one dynamic or power exchange is better than another. Again, I am just writing about my life and what I know. 

In short, the depth of the commitment to your dynamic is what matters (this goes for D-types and s-types alike).

Also, submissives shouldn’t only be on their best behavior when their D-type is present. If this is occurring, your relationship will most likely be “half-baked” and the D-type will never know you completely. Also, true trust cannot be built in this inconsistent fashion. Furthermore, manipulation and games have no place in power exchange or any other type of relationship for that matter.

So, in short, do not withhold, do act in ways that would make your Top/D-type proud (whether you are physically together or apart), and if you find that this is not possible find out why and act accordingly to achieve the healthiest outcome for all involved.

As always, feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.

With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.