I am sure most of us have heard others in the lifestyle talk about the importance of communication, transparency, self-awareness, safety, etc.
All of these are so valuable and needed within any kind of power exchange or scene, but what we don’t talk about as regularly is that it takes patience to breed these things.
Now, I am in NO way recommending anyone to jump into anything without having these things first. I am however saying, that time should be given to foster these things. That’s why people have consideration collars, are just platonic friends first before anything else occurs, and in the Vanilla World many people date a while before making any sort of commitment.
If you are interested in someone, but are not quite sure if anything will materialize, it’s a good idea to give it some time to see what could build before giving a person or dynamic a firm “yes” or “no”. We leave ourselves open to so many more possible healthy and fulfilling opportunities this way. It also helps us to not judge others too quickly as well (which is my opinion is a skill most need to work on).
However, if you see red flags from the start or do not wish to pursue anything with an individual then it is perfectly acceptable not to pursue it in a polite and appropriate manner. We all have a finite amount of time and should never feel obligated to give everyone a chance. Again, always be polite and respectful when declining.
Furthermore, patience and time will give all involved time to see if they truly want to be in this particular relationship and can have something healthy, happy, and fulfilling with all parties.
It also allows all parties to process this new endeavor and not get overwhelmed by adding something too intense too early. Giving yourself and others time can lead to reflection and introspection too, which are essential for successful lives and relationships. You know when you think about something and then act, but later realize there is a different and better way to do that same thing? Time is the reason this occurs.
Taking your time with things also allows someone to nix black and white thinking. What I mean is that by doing this you don’t say someone is “bad” or “good” for you right a way without getting to know them. You are saying “maybe” and solidifying a less vague answer as time goes on.
If you do decide to enter into a power exchange or relationship with someone that you were considering start small. Do not start giving your sub a million and one new protocols. Power exchange should always be realistic and manageable. I do not mean easy either. I mean something that can be challenging, but in no way detrimental and it can be realistically achieved.
Over time, protocols can be become more complex and multiply as other protocols are learned, and retained in the mind and body.
What helped me when I first became my Master’s slave was to make up mnemonics for routines, protocols, and rituals my Master expected me to carry out. Lists were also my best friend. I used to make lists and print them out so I would remember the important duties my Master had asked of me. It also felt good to cross the duties off like “Oh yes I completed that for my Master.”
After a while, I didn’t need the lists any more or the mnemonics, but if he gave me something complicated and new in the future, I might.
It’s a good idea to never forget what you did at the beginning because you made need to access those skills again.
After all, power exchange, in my opinion, is all about self growth and learning. Because of this, we should never really get too comfortable and completely forget the skills that brought us to this point.
As time goes on, you will see the rewards of what taking things slow will yield for you and your partners. You will have a more solid foundation and know your feelings about your partners and your dynamics more thoroughly. You will have taken time to be introspective and for trust to build. Communication skills can better be harnessed. You and your partners can gain a better understanding of who you are and who you are together.
In short, slow and steady does win the race, especially when dealing with something as vulnerable as power exchange.
As always feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
About the Author
Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.
With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.
Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.