No one becomes skilled at something without hard work and training. This goes for those in the Vanilla and Kink Community.
The main difference between Kink and Vanilla training is that when done correctly Kink training is clearly defined, has a set goal (usually given by the D type), and is tracked throughout the training process. Training usually occurs for the betterment of the s type, the dynamic, and/or to ensure the D type’s comfort/satisfaction.
Also, in the Kink Community, s types who go into training give consent to be trained. Once consent is given, the D type is able to begin the training process that he/she feels will yield the best results.
In the vanilla community, this is very rarely the case. In the vanilla community (unless for a job/company) training is usually more subtle, is driven by the individual doing the training, and is not “required” to exist in a vanilla relationship.
To me, this is why many vanilla individuals remain much more stagnant than many kink individuals (simply due to the fact that no one is requiring them to train themselves). Slave or kink training is driven by another person who holds you accountable. Just like having a personal trainer, teacher, boss, which is why it is more effective.
Just to be clear, slave training is not about someone barking orders at you or trying to change you entirely. It’s about trying to make you into your best self and/or help you achieve the relationship that you consented to.
Training requires D types to understand that progress takes time. D types during training should be firm, but fair, just, and understanding. Encouragement and praise should be given when appropriate.
I feel it is important for the s type to understand the value of the skill he/ she is training on (this requires the D type explaining the benefit of the skill/training), and have some idea of the training plan the D type is going to implement. I do not feel it is beneficial for s types to be left entirely in the dark. Can D types choose to leave some things out? Sure! However, I think some kind of conversation should take place.
It could be beneficial to have “sacred space” every week at a certain and for a certain duration of time where the s type can ask questions, and the D and s type can check in with one another and discuss how training is going. The more clarity brought to the training process from all perspectives, the more effective the training will be. The clearer you are with your expectations, the more success the s type is likely to have throughout training as well.
D types also need to be consistent throughout training, and follow through with what they say they are going to do. Bluffing and/or empty threats are never conducive for long term results.
Also, as I mentioned previously, tracking progress throughout the training process is beneficial as well. It might be helpful to track progress of a target behavior before the training process has even begun, in order to give your s type objective data as to why said behavior needs to be modified via training. The more information the D type can gather, the more informed he/she will be, which will enable the D type to better determine where they should lead the s type next.
Trust is also paramount for training to be most effective. This requires the s type feeling like the D type will not cross any hard limits/ will keep them safe, is honest with the s type, is consistent, is reliable, has a clear vision throughout training, is intelligent, etc.
Training can also be very bonding and bring those in a dynamic closer together. Training itself reinforces the dynamic as well. When implemented healthily and correctly, it can really get one that much closer to the dynamic one envisions.
Since training calls for all parties to be attentive, hard working, and to hold themselves accountable (D types to not only hold themselves accountable,but to hold their s types accountable too), it can help show your partner(s) how much you care about the relationship. It can also provide a way for the s type to show their dedication and commitment to wanting to please/serve their D type.
I hope this has given everyone some important things to think about concerning training. Next week I will go into specific methods of training.
As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
About the Author:
Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She will be teaching all over the Los Angeles area this year and will also be presenting two workshops at the BDSM Writers Con in Seattle and New York.
She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.
Fetlife – Slave_Bunny992