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Setting the Scene

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Dungeon Delights Oval Shackles

How to prepare for success and handle the occasional failure.

You’d be a foolish person to assume that your scene will go 100% perfect every time. Sometimes a partner’s headspace may not be in the right spot, maybe a toy breaks or you accidentally injure someone. These things happen and as responsible players, we know the risks associated with practicing BDSM. There are steps you can take to plan for the best case scenario and also some fail safes for when things go downhill.

Set the scene
Do you fancy a little romance? Maybe you prefer a more sterile environment? Put some effort into your play space. Lighting a few tea lights around the room can go a long way! Set out a few bottles of water and a snack for afterwards. Put on your favorite tunes. You don’t have to put out a bed of rose petals but thoroughly cleaning the room and adding a few touches will show your partner you’re serious about having a good time.

Take proper care of your toys
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen some really old, nasty looking toys out and about at parties. I know these things can get expensive, but if your toys are stained, cracked, frayed, or any number of the things that happen over time, its time to get new ones! By cleaning and regularly maintaining your toys, you will increase the lifespan and be a hygienic player. This includes leather products like floggers and whips. These often get ignored in the cleaning process yet can harbor some of the yuckiest bacteria. Clean your toys!

When playing with locks or handcuffs, have an extra key!
You think this would be a no brainer but it’s very easy to misplace the key in the moment. There you are, dominating and flying high only to look a bit like a fumbling dope when it comes time to unlock your partner and the key is nowhere to be found! It’s happened to me, it’s happened to a few friends of mine, and it can happen to you! Keep a spare key nearby in the room in which you’re playing in addition to placing one in your pocket.

Pack a first aid kit
Very few Dom/mes I know actually carry a first aid kit. I’ve personally had to go ask a Dungeon Monitor for a bandaid once. Lesson learned! Carry a travel kit with your toy bag. At home, have a fully stocked, disaster made first aid kit handy. You’re purposely inflicting or receiving pain, sooner or later something may go wrong so best have these materials on hand as a just in case.

If you make a mistake or someone gets hurt, stay calm!
Don’t freak out, don’t ignore it, address the situation and if possible, move on. If someone does get injured in an unintentional way, acknowledge it. If they need medical attention, go get it! The embarrassment you may experience at the hospital explaining the injury is well worth it if it’s serious enough. You are two consenting adults and sometimes this happens.

Aftercare
Do aftercare. Here is a full article on it so I can spare you the lecture 😉

How do you set your scene? We’d love to hear about both your successes and failures along with how you handled the situation in the comments below!

anniebear is a submissive living in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.

How to Host Your Own Play Party

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You don’t have to be an event planner extraordinaire in order to throw your own play party. With a little organization and preparation, you can gather your favorite folks together for a fun night of safe, kinky fun. The following tips will help you get started.

Create a guest list

You’ll have to jot down a list of all the people you’d be interested in having over to your home. Allowing people to play in your personal home is extremely intimate and involves a certain level of trust. Make sure these are people you are at least slightly familiar with and who will respect your home. Make sure to have a good ratio. This doesn’t necessarily mean equal men to women (and every other orientation) but rather will there be enough Tops vs. bottoms? Did you invite four Dominatrixes but only have two potential play partners for them? A lot of times people come in couples and that’s fine, just be cognizant of who ends up RSVPing so you’ll be prepared to entertain in other ways.

Consider using an online invite

Depending on the size of your party, it might be easier to invite people through an online invite such as evite.com or a private Facebook invite. This will be more organized than a giant group text or chasing everyone via individual texts. If technology is not your style, then by all means go the old fashioned way of calling people. The online invite will just give you a step by step way to view who is coming. Also make it clear in your invite if people are allowed to bring guests. If you only want folks you know personally to attend, this will prevent any awkward unexpected (and uninvited) guests.

Consider the size of your space

How many people can comfortably fit in your home/apartment? Now consider how many people can comfortably play in your home/apartment. In Los Angeles at least, there’s the old saying that you should invite twice as many people as you would like to come since only half of the RSVPs will show up. So if your space can hold 25 people, invite around 35 to be on the safe side. In my experience, there are ALWAYS people who will bail last minute. It’s an unfortunate reality, but you’d rather plan for more and have just the right amount.

Set a list of house rules

You cannot just assume everyone coming will know proper BDSM etiquette or rather, the etiquette for a party in your home. Do you want people doing a needle play scene on your couch for example? Is wax play on your new carpet going to fly? Perhaps you don’t want a flogging scene in your daughter’s (who is away at her friend’s house) room? Post the rules in the invite and also post signs letting people know if certain rooms are off limits. If possible, just lock the doors so there is no confusion. I always make sure to let guests know if penetration is ok. If so, you need to be prepared with extra trashcans, condoms, and towels. While it’s difficult to think of every scenario, I always try to cover things like edge play (fire, blood, needles, knives), penetration, wax, golden showers, single tails (are your ceilings high enough? Will the whip accidentally break something?), and noise levels. If you live in an apartment, perhaps you can encourage Dominants with loud submissives to gag them, haha. Since it’s your party, you make the rules. Don’t be afraid to remind guests of the rules if you find them breaking them. It’s your home.

Provide refreshments

Or ask guests to bring something to contribute. Water is the number one necessity at any play party followed closely by food or snacks. It’s important to let guests know if there will be a full dinner served or just snacks so people don’t arrive ready to play hungry. While I have served alcohol at past play parties, many kinksters strongly believe in playing sober. This is a sensitive and highly debated topic but it’s entirely up to you of course. I personally like to follow the rule that drinking while playing is ok but being drunk while playing is not. If you have alcohol, make sure you have something substantial for people to munch on throughout the night.

Be a social butterfly

Keep an eye on your guests. If someone is standing alone, engage them in conversation and make introductions. To me this lifestlye is all about inclusion which means making everyone you’ve invited feel included! You can also do yourself some favors by inviting some extroverts to the party to help you out.

Offer defined play stations/areas and set the mood

Not everyone’s house is a fully equipped dungeon but more power to you if yours is and can I please come over?! 😉 Consider the different areas of your home/apartment and set them up in a way that would be hospitable to play. Removed objects or decorative things that you don’t want to get broken or damaged. Don’t want someone getting a spanking in grandmother’s antique rocking chair? Put it away in an off limits room. If possible, dim the lighting or trade out some bulbs to a softer glow or color. Put on some music for background noise.

There should also be a clear “socialization” area for people to sit and watch/relax. This can even be a few chairs or couch along the perimeter of the room. Also, be prepared to accommodate (or not) smokers or having a smoking area or a sign to tell people to go outside if you so wish.

Be prepared to get the night started

Private play parties can get awkward really fast if the socialization aspect lingers on too long. As the host, you should be prepared to get the party started! Or if you want to be in attendance to the guests, plan on having some close friends get the play started with a planned scene. It only takes one spanking to break the ice and others will be soon to follow.

Plan an end time…unless you want people potentially staying all night and if you do that’s fine! But planning an end time will eliminate potential resentments over guests overstaying their welcome.

I hope these tips will help you newbie party planners out there. Did I forget anything major to planning a play party? What are your best practices for hosting an in home play party? Let me know in the comments!

anniebear is a submissive living in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.

anniebear Interviews Demonic Toys

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anniebear sat with SirBerus, owner of Demonic Toys to discuss his methods, materials, and why Demonic Toys is an up and coming contender in the BDSM toy market.

Owner and creator of Demonic Toys, SirBerus
Owner and creator of Demonic Toys, SirBerus

anniebear: SirBerus, owner of Demonic Toys- we’re always really excited to interview people that have really cool toys to play with in the scene.

SirBerus: Thank you so much for interviewing me! It’s great to be a part of Kink Weekly!

anniebear: Tell me about Demonic Toys. What type of toys do make? Do you use any specific materials?

SirBerus: Demonic Toys is all made from steel materials. The Devil’s Lollipops are made from circular saw blades either in 7 ¼, 10 , or 12 inches in diameter and then a solid steel handle that is attached through a steel stem. The handle itself is hallow to reduce weight. We also make theCandy Pain which is a solid steel rod cane. I was trying to come up with names and the first one I made had a candy cane stripe so the Candy Pain was created.

A Candy Pain
A Candy Pain

anniebear: Genius! (laughs)

SirBerus: Of all the things that we make the easiest one to name was The Devil’s Lollipop. I came up with it because of the little lollipops that are similar to SadiSticks, these just almost seemed like an over sized version except on steroids and a lot more aggressive. So the first thing that came to me was the Devil’s Lollipop. Everything Demonic Toys makes is all hand made out of steel, there’s nothing done with robotics or precut or pre-fabricated. Each one is unique. That has its pluses and minuses. The minuses being I can never duplicate them exactly. All my saw blades are recycled used blades. Trying to take things that people would normally throw away and re-purpose them and the problem with that is when a client says “I really like that specific saw blade”, well, it might be a blade style that I no longer have.

annibear: Being that you use actual saw blades for the toys do all of your toys have the potential to cut skin when you use them?

SirBerus: I make sure to grind the edges down before they’re painted. They still have enough of an edge to enhance sensation play. It’s a lot like knife play if you’ve dulled the blade a bit, this is the best way I can explain it. I try not to make them too sharp. The same way you wouldn’t want a knife to be razor sharp for knife play, you wouldn’t want one of my saw blades razor sharp either. You have the safety to run it along somebody’s skin even in a relatively sensitive area like the sides or thighs and not have to worry about barely touching them and cutting them.

Wry shows off his new Demonic Toys paddle at DomCon 2017
Wry shows off his new Demonic Toys paddle at DomCon 2017

anniebear: We were so happy to see you showing off your things at DomCon a few months ago. It looks like you had some pretty wicked stuff going on there with Demonic Toys. I know that you have a history and experience with metalworking, is that correct?

SirBerus: Yes, actually I am a welder and metal fabricator by trade. I got requested and told by a number of people including my submissive, Jenn, to try and make something unique and different out of metal. I thought about it for a while and if I made anything I wanted it to be more than a single use item; something that could be both impact and sensation or vice versa or have multiple uses. The first one I made I did as a joke and everyone seemed to go absolutely ballistic when I pulled it out. That was the very beginning.

anniebear: That’s great! It’s really fun when you can merge something you already know how to do into something that’s more fun like a hobby, so it sounds like a perfect marriage.

SirBerus: Absolutely! It definitely allows me to have the creativity to play around with metal work as well. I am far from a professional painter but it allows me to put that creativity into paint work for the designs and seeing people’s reactions and seeing the “oos and aahs” as well as “holy crap!” that comes from people seeing it for the first time. This always makes me smile.

anniebear: That’s wonderful, it sound very rewarding. So I saw a lot of your toys at DomCon. What would you say some of your favorite pieces are that you’ve created so far?

SirBerus: I’d have to say the original Devil’s Lollipopis still my favorite because it was the first one I made. I decided to put a whole lot of extra time into the paint job, just to see how far I could push myself. Because of that paint job plus the fact of it being the original prototype, that one is definitely my favorite. Other than that I’d have to say the Death Star paddle I made for a client was probably one of the hardest but most rewarding. Follow that up with one of the first custom sets I made. I made a Devil’s Lollipop and Candy Pain both in black and pink for Sir Pent. It was hard and took a lot of work but the reward that came from it was amazing.

Custom Death Star paddle by Demonic Toys
Custom Death Star paddle by Demonic Toys

anniebear: I was personally a big fan of the Death Star paddle. I saw it when you were just about finishing it up. It was impressive. How long do you think it took you to make that?

SirBerus: To make it took about four hours and the paint job took almost six total hours. So about ten hours of work!

anniebear: That’s amazing! It just shows how careful and meticulous you are with your work.

SirBerus: Yes, when it was first brought up to me as a custom job my first thought was, “There is no way that I’m making a Death Star from hand!” All of my stuff is one off. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t duplicate it 100%. So the concept of doing the Death Star was just mind blowing. (sentence removed) I decided to try and step it up and see if I could do it. A lot of friends suggested I just buy a vinyl sticker and stick it on there and clear coat it, but in my opinion it takes away from the company. I state that everything is done by hand and everything is a one off piece, anyone can stick a sticker on there. I wanted to step up to the challenge. It definitely was the most strenuous paint job I’ve done to date, but also the most rewarding.

Devil's Lollipop
Devil’s Lollipop

anniebear: On a more personal note how long have you been in the lifestyle?

SirBerus: I’ve actually been in the lifestyle and really embraced it for about a year and a half. I actually have to give a big shout out to my submissive Jenn because I always kind of had this feeling I was kinky and kind of felt off on my own island away from my friends when it came to this stuff but I didn’t know about the scene until we started dating. It was kind of overwhelming when we started dating and I became her Sir. It wasn’t until I truly embraced everything that the Demonic Toys idea took shape.

anniebear: That’s amazing, considering that you’re relatively new to the scene, to come out with this whole line of toys and torture implements is pretty incredible.

SirBerus: Absolutely. A lot of people have raised eyebrows when I actually tell them how long I’ve been in the scene. I’ve been told by people they thought I’d been in the scene anywhere from four to ten years, which kind of makes me laugh. Not laughing in a negative way, but I take it as a compliment, I wish I could say I’ve been in it that long. For how much it’s brought me off “the island”and allowed me to meet people that make me feel like the things I enjoy and the things I like aren’t weird and aren’t taboo is a great thing. So I want to find a way to have something new to contribute to the community. I think about how my submissive Jenn is so involved in the community and teaches and everything else, I want something to give back as well. I want something that nobody had seen before. There are so many toys that are great but they’re almost so similar between companies I want something that is really going to make your eyes pop, make you really take a step back and think about what you saw.

anniebear: That’s a really good motivation to start a company such as yours as a way to give back and still be creative at the same time.

SirBerus: It’s definitely been one of my favorite things. It’s been a huge motivator to see people’s reactions and partially to hear how nobody seems to take the same toy the same way. A lot of the time with a specific toy it’s either stingy or thuddy and everybody pretty much agrees. I can take the same Devil’s Lollipop and hit three different s-types and get three different reactions. One will say it’s stingy, one will say it’s thuddy, and one might say it’s a little of both! Then you add the fact that its got sensation play on the edges as well as conducts electricity. The Candy Pains do the same thing, but they’re deep tissue instead of what you think of a cane as giving a really sharp, stingy sensation. So I love seeing people’s reactions when they think it’sgoing to be the most viscous thing to hit their skin and then they try it and realize wow, I actually enjoy that and it wasn’t nearly as vicious as I thought. Obviously how the Top uses it will determine how vicious it can be.

anniebear: It sounds like a lot of fun. I imagine you had to maybe enlist the help of your submissive to try out some of these new toys before you started selling them.

SirBerus: Yes, she definitely got to try them out. Luckily,with people at her BDSM 101 class along with a few other people, I got to hand them off and get opinions from multiple different s-types and bottoms to get their opinion on them, along with Jenn’s. That’s really where I realized everyone feels it differently. Where she thought it was thuddy, someone else thought it was stingy. That personally made me smile because no one is going to say the same thing. This is just the beginning and I really truly hope people like all of the toys. There are a few more toys in the works that are soon to be rolled out to the public. I’m hoping that people see these and see it the same way that I do. That it’s a multiple use toy that is quite unique and they enjoy it for what it is and love using it.

Update: Demonic Toys has released two new toys since this interview was taken – the Devil’s Tongue and Lillith’s Lollipop. Check them out on DemonicToy’s profile on Fetlife!

Review: Spanker Machine

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Our lives will forever be changed. Tired of getting into fights with your Dom/me for lack of spankings and attention? Fear not, there is a machine that can do the job for you! Before you start rolling your eyes, you NEED to check the Spanker Machine invention out.

This is not a one size fits all type of spanking machine. You can change out the spanking implements with pretty much whatever you want be it a wooden spoon, thin cane, paddle, and more! The machine also has different settings and strengths so you can please even the most timid of subs. I was especially impressed with the “delayed” spanking mode which pauses between spanks or it can lightly press on the spot it just spanked. The machine can be mounted to almost any surface for portable spanking power wherever you go.

I could see this machine as having numerous uses besides pleasing a lonely submissive. Perhaps your dominant is injured or sick but still wants to engage in play or punish you. They can easily set you up for a good spanking. Is your dominant traveling all month? You won’t get out of practice with daily spankings from the spanking machine that you film for your dominants pleasure!

If you can’t get a Spanker Machine delivered to your house, the demo videos are still hilarious to check out. I’d really like to meet the genius behind this gadget. He and Kink Weekly founder Dexx seem to have some devious qualities in common. Happy spanking!

anniebear is a submissive living in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.

Darkroom Photography

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I had the pleasure of speaking with photographer Kate Michaels of Darkroom Photography about what makes her tick, learning the tricks of the trade form a landscape photographer, and why her style makes her a cut above. -anniebear

Photo by Kate Michaels
Photo by Kate Michaels

Kate Michaels: “I got into the Dallas community about a year and a half ago. They are a very tight knit and close community so a lot of them are my friends and supporters.

I like the black and white edginess. I do have color photos obviously. The fact that I’m a female photographer, I’m young, and I’m totally open minded so as long as everyone is consenting then they can do whatever they want to do as long as everything is consensual. I think people are really comfortable with me.

I would love to do suspension photography. Unfortunately I do not know how to do it but I think its very pretty. I have a couple friends who have made a study out of it. I get the psychology of BDSM as a whole and what that openness feels like. And to have yourself totally open to somebody is a completely surreal experience and I don’t think most vanilla couples ever feel that. I hadn’t felt that before.

I’ve always known I had an eye for it. I had a friend of mine that was a landscape photographer and I asked him to teach me about cameras and he did and I took it and ran with it. I did my first actual boudoir shoot in August of 2015 with myself using a tripod and remote.

I would love to do more hardcore BDSM shoots with couples in addition to parties and singles. Those things really interest me.”

Photographer: Kate Michaels

See more of her work atwww.DarkroomPhotographyOnline.com.

Mention this article and receive $100 off your photoshoot with Darkroom Photography!

Kate Michaels founded Darkroom Photography in 2015 after years of searching for a specific experience. Based in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, Kate had always kept an eye on boudoir photography as an art form, but was less then moved by cookie-cutter “shopping mall” boudoir photography. Kate wanted to be the photographer that would allow couples who had been married decades, to live out the fantasy of becoming models in the erotic images seen online. Additionally, the Lifestyle and BDSM communities needed a confidential way to capture their brand of erotica in a classy and non-judgmental setting. In 2015, Darkroom Photography was formed to serve a specific need; to allow clients to live out their fantasies, to empower, and to provide a boudoir experience that is unique, edgy, and erotic.

anniebear Learns to be a Dominatrix

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A few weeks ago I attended a full weekend, three-day group immersion course on how to become a Dominatrix. The instructors, DommeCraft founder, Simone Justice and co-teacher Mistress Damiana Chi are experienced professional/lifestyle Dominatrices. We could not have been in better hands. If you haven’t heard of DommeCraft, consider it the university level training course for those interested in learning the ins and outs of lifestyle and professional domination. The course includes handouts, homework, live demos, practice demos, feedback, and at the end a graduation with a certificate of completion. If there truly were a legalized, certification course for Domination then DommeCraft would be the leader in the industry.

Damiana Chi and Simone Justice, our instructors for the weekend.
Damiana Chi and Simone Justice, our instructors for the weekend.

I had a lot of nervous feelings in the days leading up to the course. I’ve mostly identified as a submissive and had always been such in my past and current relationships. In the last year or so I’ve been playing around with topping and dominating a few play partners, mostly women. The idea of going to learn from the pros was appealing to me because I thought it would help me gain more confidence and also develop my blossoming skills as a top. My expectations going into the course were completely blown out of the water! While I’d like to divulge every little detail, for the privacy of the other students and also the coursework, I will only cover some of the major highlights.

I arrived at the secret dungeon location on a Friday evening. There was one other attendee already there and we shyly exchanged hellos and a few questions. The dungeon space was amazing. It had everything you would need for a great scene; an open floor plan, high ceilings, bondage equipment and racks. My favorite was a suspended globe shaped cage, perfect for trapping someone inside to prod and tease! Damiana greeted us first and I was slightly intimidated but quickly realized she was an extremely warm and friendly person. In all there were six students. Simone arrived last, in a wheelchair. A sidenote, Simone had recently suffered a broken hip so I thought it was incredible for her to have such dedication and commitment to still come and lead the full weekend class. I’m sure it was extremely exhausting but you would never be able to tell that she had suffered such a terrible injury.

Mistress Simone Justice
Mistress Simone Justice

We quickly got down to business. Simone began the class with everyone introducing themselves. I was surprised at the variety of women in the class. Everyone came from a different background yet managed to have so much in common. It truly was a lovely group of women. Simone lead us through some exercises to familiarize ourselves with each other and to create good energy amongst one another. I’ve never worked in this manner before, but the exercises we did really worked! It made me feel both closer and eager to learn more about the other women. We then sat in a circle and received handouts on the first evening’s lessons. I won’t go into too many details due to the very personal nature of the work we did but suffice it to say it was revolutionary.

The next morning I arrived ready to rock! We dove headfirst into lessons on verbal domination with our partners. We were told that around noon, some demo submissive men would be arriving that we could practice our work on. I was expecting one or two submissives and we would take turns. I was delighted to see that there was more than one submissive per student in the class! This just goes to show the dedication and attention that Simone and Damiana give to providing the best tools in which we could learn. I was extremely nervous to work with actual in the flesh human beings. In the past, I have topped a handful of men and women, but this was an entirely new environment where I would be observed while at the same time practice the lessons. We were given the opportunity to take a submissive through a “preliminary” scene using verbal tactics only. I never realized how much I relied on physical touch. It was definitely a challenge as expressed by some of the other students as well.

We did a recap on how the scenes went and proceeded on to the next lessons. A lot of the specific information we learned is confidential, and only reserved for those in this line of study, however we continued the course with bondage cuffs, collars, leashes, and light impact implements and sensation play. We of course practiced all on our willing submissives, who I think delighted in all of us “baby dommes.” From personal experience, I’ve been a demo bottom before and it is a fun process watching someone discover and explore his or her domination.

Another unique aspect of this workshop was the use of “Goddess work.” I’m unfamiliar with this method, however many of the other students were well acquainted with their Goddesses and which ones they identify with, and requested inclusion of more Goddess elements. Simone changed the class to accommodate and brought in several Goddess statues as well for us to use. As a female Domme, it is important to be able to at least be open to tapping into those who have come before you and the energy derived from not only within but the Goddesses and those around you. I’m still working on grasping these concepts, but it was very powerful.

Day three commenced and was the final and most invigorating day. We observed both Damiana and Simone give full scene demonstrations which was so much fun! They acted as if there were no one else in the room and the intimacy between them and the submissives was incredible. Afterward we got hands on with the demo subs and did a rotation of different implements and domination techniques to try out. Damiana showed us some CBT (cock and ball torture) techniques which included tying up the penis and the balls and then delivering smacks or whatever type of play you wanted to do. I was pretty nervous about this particular technique as it looks super painful. I’ve also never been one to be too handy with rope so the concept never particularly appealed to me. But, I rolled up my sleeves and jumped right in when the time came to try it out! I am pleased to confess that I was able to master the CBT tie quite quickly! Perhaps I have a new calling, haha.

Day three wrapped up very quickly. I missed going to the graduation play party, but I heard it was a fantastic experience to bring together all that we had learned and try out our new skills in a party environment. It was incredible meeting so many wonderful women and also the very dedicated male submissives who assisted. Thank you to Simone and Damiana for a wonderful class. I’m also very eager to attend the “Dommes of DommeCraft” play party, September 2nd, which will have Dominas who have attended past DommeCraft weekend and daylong classes and private lessons with Simone. To join us write Damiana@DamianaChi to apply. Wish me luck!

To find out more about all of the classes offered go to here

(Almost) Everything About Rope Bottoming

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Rope by Crocoduck. Photo by Photos of Midnight Revelry.
Rope by Crocoduck. Photo by Photos of Midnight Revelry.

There is more to rope bottoming than just “hanging out and getting tied.” The styles of rigging vary from person to person as well as the broader stroke ideologies and “schools of thought” behind it. With all of this information out there, it can be difficult to disseminate what’s an absolute necessity and what is a preference. However in matters of safety, there are specific rules that should be absolutes across all planes. (though often they do get ignored). The language in this article will be fairly rudimentary to allow those who may be new to rope a better understanding. I hope those riggers out there will contribute their tid-bits in the comments section! First, let us start with some rope bottoming misconceptions.

1. You must always tie naked. If a rope Top tells you this then you should head for the hills and never look back. Yes there are advantages to tying in the nude, but they do not outweigh your comfort and hygienic safety. If you’re tying completely naked with someone, then you better hope they have washed their rope since the last partner if it is being placed, say between your legs. Personally, I usually tie with just a pair of panties on. It is true that underwire bras can get in the way and potentially hurt you if the rope sits a particular way. But wearing a non-underwire bra works as well. Avoid bras with padding. In general, avoid undergarments that have a lot of adornments such as beads or jewels as these can also cut or poke you.

2. Only flexible people make good rope bottoms. I used to think this myself. You see all of these fabulous photos of men and women twisted up like pretzels and think that that’s what rope is all about. This is one incredible element in a large array of options with rope. I would challenge that there is a safe tie out there for every person imaginable. But, I also urge anyone who seriously would like to rope bottom on a regular basis to stretch regularly, explore exercise such as pilates or yoga, and to only assume positions within rope that are comfortable and attainable to you and your current physical condition. That’s not to say you cannot push yourself but flexibility comes with time and practice.

3. Only males make good riggers (rope Tops) and females good rope bottoms. To this I say HOGWASH! There are many well established and talented female riggers, it just so happens that there are many more males that happen to have an interest in rope. Any gender can play and practice either role. You do not have to be incredibly strong to be a successful rigger, though general good health and strength do help.

4. Rope play is not dangerous. On the contrary, there are many more silent hazards in rope play than almost any other form of BDSM. This means injuries may not present themselves immediately. If compared to other forms of BDSM, if someone canes you in the wrong place, you can usually tell right away. If a flogger wraps and hits you in a tender spot, the pain (not the good kind) is immediate. Rope can be a silent “killer” if you will. I’ll cover some of that later in this article.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’d like to cover rope and safety. As with many other areas of kink, it can often be difficult to tell if a potential rope partner is proficient or not. That’s not to say you should avoid people who are new to practicing rope, rather you should discuss with your potential partner exactly what they have in mind for the ties. If you have just met someone for the first time and they want to suspend you; the act of tying you in such a fashion that you are literally suspended mid-air, as exciting as that may be, I’d highly advise you to try something more “stable.”

You will want to negotiate and use safe words with rope play and take it just as seriously as if you were going to be bull whipped. Make sure to clearly state where on your body you are comfortable with your partner touching with hands OR rope. There are many erotic ties that involve going between the legs and also across or around the breasts and nipples.

One version of a crotch rope tie. Rope by Master K, photo by -Knots-master-.
One version of a crotch rope tie. Rope by Master K, photo by -Knots-master-.

I highly recommend you request to not have rope tied completely around your neck. Opt for either in a “halter” style similar to a halter tank top or no rope near the neck for a first time partner. Ask your partner how long they have been tying, if they’ve attended any formal classes or had any training and with whom. Take into consideration that once you are tied, there may be little to no mobility or movement on your part. You must trust that your partner will not take liberties upon you in this circumstance.

Similarly, this floor work was done seated and upright. This also has the example of a "halter" tie which comes on either side of the neck. Rope and photo by Rope_Daddy
Similarly, this floor work was done seated and upright. This also has the example of a “halter” tie which comes on either side of the neck. Rope and photo by Rope_Daddy

The most common and safe form of rope play is “floor work.” This means you as the bottom will stay on the floor sitting, squatting, laying, half laying, etc. during the entire session while being tied. Do not be mistaken, this can be a very exciting and similarly dangerous form of play, however, the risks are significantly diminished due to the fact that your body is not flying mid-air. If you would like to be extra cautious with a new partner, ask them to do an introductory tie involving only the upper half of your body while you are seated. This is a great “warm up” while you get to know one another.

"Floor work" on an elevated surface. This is just as exciting and erotic as any suspension. Photo and rope by Rope_Daddy
“Floor work” on an elevated surface. This is just as exciting and erotic as any suspension. Photo and rope by Rope_Daddy

And back to the suspension we were really excited and turned on about doing: the threshold for injury increases about 1000% (lots of science is involved in this statistic 😉 once you take the rope from the floor to the air. I could write paragraph upon paragraph about the dangers of suspension but the most common injuries occurring from actual documented suspensions gone wrong include:

Dislocated joints
Permanent back damage/pain
Torn ligaments
Nerve damage
Broken bones
Fainting
Permanent numbness of various limbs and extremities
Head trauma (if the ties should fail and you fall)
Paralysis (temporary or permanent)
Asphyxiation (getting strangled to death)

If you would like me to provide the actual documentation for theses cases, feel free to ask in the comments or email us. This is not a complete list but rather some of the more severe highlights that can result form both experienced and inexperienced riggers attempting suspension. It’s safe to say that suspension should only be attempted under optimal circumstances including but not limited to:

-Proper suspension points that have been tested immediately prior to the suspension
-One or more additional persons besides the rigger
-Rope in good condition. Each rigger is very specific about rope, but suffice it to say the rope should not be old and frayed. It needs to be strong enough to hold a human being
-A “crash pad” or soft surface or mat to place under the suspension area in the event the rigging should fail
-And on a personal note, suspensions should not be attempted if either party is heavily under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

If you are that adventure seeker that cannot resist but go out and find the first rigger willing to suspend you, (don’t actually do that but I can see why you might want to do that) fear not! There is a happy medium between the two. There is such a thing as a partial suspension. Usually this consists of the subject having their upper body or a limb (or two) tied up while the rest of the body maintains contact with the ground or surface. I’ve included some images in this article to assist in your understanding. There is still an amount of caution to be taken with these types of ties, but it is a good training ground for both Top and bottom who are interested in eventually moving to a full on suspension.

Partial suspension: my upper body and leg are tied to a suspension point above me. Rope by Crocoduck. Photo by Photos of Midnight Revelry.
Partial suspension: my upper body and leg are tied to a suspension point above me. Rope by Crocoduck. Photo by Photos of Midnight Revelry.

At any rate, I highly recommend both Tops and bottoms to seek out classes or one on one instruction if available in your area. The wealth of information you garner from other riggers (and also the mistakes you will hear about if folks are willing to share) will assist in you better understanding the joys and potential pitfalls of rope. Until then, be safe, go slowly, and have an open trust and communication with a potential Top/Dominant. Never let someone intimidate you into doing something out of your comfort zone.

For even more information on this complicated and complex subject visit this site that we really like.

Happy tying!

Ask a Dominatrix, CBT

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In this article, we have our expert in-house Dommes, Princess Marx and Mistress Lucy to give their informed opinions on various subjects from our readers. Do you have a burning question you’d like our Dommes to answer? Email kinkweekly@gmail.com and maybe you’ll get some personal feedback from these two.

Question from the reader:

Dear Kink Weekly,

My boyfriend likes to be dominated, and I’m pretty new to it but I’ve been trying out a few things. Tying him up, teasing him, spanking, clamps are all super fun. Yesterday he asked me if I would do “cock and ball torture” on him. I’ve been reading up and it sounds pretty intense – I’m worried I might cause some damage, particularly if I hit or kick him in the nuts. Are you able to give me any advice about trying this out?

Alicia

Princess Marx
Princess Marx

Princess Marx says:

Dear Future Genitorturess,

As a notorious ballbusting enthusiast, this is one of my favorite questions! The reality is, those little suckers (balls) can take a lot more abuse than you think! Just search for the video of me kicking Andrea Dipre in the nuts wearing shoes with full 1-inch metal spikes on the toebox!

Of course, Andrea is an experienced (and motivated) ballbusting recipient, and we’ve known each other long enough to be able to do that. We’re both practicing RACK – risk-aware consensual kink.

So, on that note, here are a few things I recommend – and some of these apply to *any* BDSM play:

1) Know thyself, and your partner. You must have trust, and you must be able to monitor & gauge your partner’s reactions while playing. If your boyfriend specifically asked for it, chances are, it’ll be VERY clear to you when he’s enjoying himself, and when he isn’t – just make sure you’re paying attention. Go slowly and build intensity, and with time, you’ll know you partner well enough to skip ahead to the fun parts more quickly 🙂

2) Have a safeword, at least while you’re still experimenting. Once you’re both more comfortable, you can even move away from using a safeword.

I’m a fan of pushing boundaries with playpartners when there is mutual trust, but you have to both be on that page – use both your spideysense and explicit verbal communication to decide when and how far you can push.

3) Circulation (or the loss thereof) is one of the biggest concerns. If you notice swelling, or a loss of sensation or color, immediately loosen the bondage or cease activity. If it doesn’t get better, seek urgent professional help. Of course, with time, you’ll learn how much your partner can take without ever getting to that point.

4) Tension is the other area of high concern. Tying the testicles to a fixed point for prolonged periods risks torsion or rupture, particularly if your partner has a quick reaction to something and is being held by the testes. Being tied to weights for long periods carries similar risks.

5) Take breaks. Give your partner a break every 20-30 minutes, or as needed, to alleviate pressure, tension, and circulation.

6) Always keep safety materials on hand – in particular, safety shears (the kind with the rounded, rather than pointed, tips). At about $5 on average, they’re one of the best safety investments even in vanilla practice.

7) Beware of squeezing anything too hard, at least until you know what your partner enjoys – and as you get to know them, you’ll also learn what they can take, and when you can push them a bit.

8) Blood is a pathogen. You probably already have some sort of mutual understanding on body fluids with your boyfriend, but remember that there are diseases that aren’t transmitted sexually, but can be transmitted via blood contact.

9) Remember: Google is your friend. No list I write in a Q&A format can ever be exhaustive enough, so PLEASE do yourself a favor and google this a little more before starting play.

10) Last, but perhaps most importantly, HAVE FUN!!! The great joy of a D/s dynamic is getting to do things that are normally considered taboo. We’re all supposed to be very nice and polite to each other IRL; the joy of BDSM is that you get to fuck with that.

I think that’s probably why ballbusting is my all-time favorite BDSM activity: I’m (shockingly!) actually a nice person IRL, and would never kick someone without consent (although some people really deserve it..). In play, we get to do those things to people with not only their permission, but with their desire. There’s even a band called The Genitorturers!

Enjoy!
~ Princess Marx
www.princessmarx.com

Based in Los Angeles and Boston, born in Europe, and traveling frequently, Princess Marx is a lifelong kinkster and a formally trained professional Dominatrix. She has the dubious distinction of an Ivy League education, and was awarded the 2016 “Most Fascinating and Captivating Model” award by Footnight International. Princess Marx is a proponent of both sex-positivity, and the reclamative justice of Female Supremacy. She is a frequent performer, speaker, educator, and commentator on kink and sexuality, and was recently surprised to find out a Kentucky-bred race horse was named after her. You can find more info at www.princessmarx.com.

Mistress Lucy Khan
Mistress Lucy Khan

Mistress Lucy Khan says:

Dear Alicia,
I bet that when you think about cock and ball torture (CBT), what makes it intimidating is the “torture” part. Torture conjures up images of interrogations, deranged scientists, war crimes… rather intense associations to say the least. In My experience, kinksters and BDSM enthusiasts definitely have a flair for the dramatic–after all, it’s the narrative, the experience of playing out the theater of the erotic that really scratches our itch! For those just getting into this type of play, however, a more helpful way to think about CBT would be to replace the word “torture” with “play”. The concept of “play” allows you to fiddle, fidget, explore, and amuse yourself with the parts in question without a definitive (and potentially pressure-filled) end goal in mind. Often times, it’s the loss of control over one’s body that creates the eroticism in the first place…

One way to take the pressure off and simply have fun with the exploration of cock and ball play is to restrain him, blindfold him, and simply tickle, lick, bite, and poke at his junk! With his eyesight gone, you can indulge in the sensorial aspects of having free reign over the most vulnerable part of his body (hot!) with less self-consciousness. Feel free to tug down on and/or tie up the balls–you can ask him for feedback to get a sense of his pain tolerance and proceed slowly from there. Like I said, it’s often exploring the psychological aspect of having a man’s most vulnerable parts in the palm of your hand that is at the heart of the matter. Be verbal: “how does it feel to have your balls in the palm of my hand?” Another fabulous idea for getting into the swing of things is to play with temperature: alternate ice cubes with warm breath, apply some icy hot/tiger balm–if it’s too intense, make him beg for you to wipe it off! Practice makes perfect, so if you start slow, you’ll be educating yourself on what his balls can actually take, so you can build on the knowledge from there! Treat is as an experiment, not as a test, and the cock and balls can definitely be a wonderland for your D/s practice. Have fun!

xo,
Sherpa Lucy

Mistress Lucy Khan is a LA-based dominatrix, educator, and amatuer social engineer who has run her own independent practice for over the last 5+ years. Passionate about applying BDSM principles to contexts that lay outside the BDSM and kink community, She delights in shining light on the darkest of desires. As a former NCAA athlete graduating summa cum laude, Her strength lies in creating twisted scenarios that incorporate both body and brain. Delighting in introducing newbies to the art of kink, She is available for both in person and phone consultations via MistressLucy.org and can be found on Twitter + Instagram @LucytheMistress

anniebear Interviews Restrained Grace

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Miss Annie Nygard
Miss Annie Nygard

During DomCon a few months ago, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Restrained Grace creator Miss Annie (yes, it was annie interviewing Annie!). Read on to learn more about her creative and beautiful BDSM gear!

anniebear: Alright, Miss Annie, we’re here at DomCon and you’re exhibiting a booth this weekend for Restrained Grace?

Annie: Yes.

anniebear: So that’s your sort of love child brand.

Annie: Yes, so I’ve been making jewelry for about 10 years and doing that professionally for 9. I’ve been wanting to make kink jewelry for a while, so I just started that in about October. It is something I’ve been wanting to do for years, so it’s definitely a passion project.

anniebear: So how long have you been kinky?

Annie: I’ve known that I am kinky for about 5 or 6 years, but I’ve only been in the community for about 10 months.

anniebear: Oh, so you’re fairly new then. What do you think?

Annie: I love it! The more people I meet the more I feel at home.

anniebear: That’s great, so you’ve managed to somehow merge a passion for jewelry making and now putting it together with something you’ve always known about yourself.

Annie: Yes.

anniebear: Do you have any favorite pieces that you feature?

Annie: Let’s see, I mean my harnesses I’m really excited about, and I’ve just launched those on the website. I definitely like doing the one of a kind collars that I can use a lot of different colors and mix materials like some glitter vinyl that you don’t see a lot of, and go more modern and trendy and fun and colorful.

anniebear: Cool, so most of your things are for female, or female identifying?

Annie: Yes, that’s kind of how I started because that’s what I knew. I knew male lead and female submissive relationships, because I was pretty sheltered before I got into the community and now the more I make friends and meet people of different orientations and different lifestyles, it’s easier to want to work with them and design things for all different kinds of couples in different situations.\

Purple glitter bow collar form Restrained Grace
Purple glitter bow collar form Restrained Grace

anniebear: That sounds awesome! So you’re based down in San Diego?

Annie: I am.

anniebear: Is there a who’s who in San Diego?

Annie: Well, everybody knows Goddess Fae, and I think once I met her is when I kind of started meeting everybody because she knows everybody. She owns House of Black, she puts together this sub-community for people within the community so, I’ve met a lot of people just from knowing her, and I’ve made some of my closest friends in the last few months just from meeting her, so I think she’s probably one of the biggest.

anniebear: Do you identify as mostly submissive?

Annie: Yes, so I’ve always felt I was firmly submissive, and only recently have I started experimenting with switching a little bit, just topping. I’m very servicey, so I’ve started noticing that there is definitely an element of service in topping, especially people I’m close to. So certain people just sort of bring about that. For example I have a friend who is way more submissive than I even am, so it’s easy with her.

Sara: It definitely works out! I’m similar. I totally understand what you mean. It’s great topping and playing with friends. You don’t have to worry about saying the exact perfect thing because I do edit it and rearrange stuff if we get off track, for example and there is no awkwardness in that. So, just looking at your collection, I assume you really like pink.

Annie: I do like pink. I’m getting a lot of people asking for really pale pink, because you get a lot of baby pink.

anniebear: Yeah, and rose gold is really popular right now.

Pale pink and rose gold cuffs from Restrained Grace
Pale pink and rose gold cuffs from Restrained Grace

Annie: I’m a stickler about my colors going with the hardware really well. So, I work with a company in Canada that makes all of my strapping just for me.

anniebear: That’s amazing! Wonderful. I didn’t know that existed. (laughs)

Annie: Yeah, I’m really really a stickler about it. It needs to look really good against rose gold.

anniebear: That’s really fun. Have you ever had any ideas that maybe turned out to be misses?

Annie: For sure. I mean at the beginning it was a lot of trial and error because I’m pretty much self taught. I haven’t taken any classes as far as leather working goes. I pretty much just Google things and figure it out. Trial and error. Even the cuffs I’m wearing right now you can see the edges are unfinished because it was one of the first pairs I made. So it’s one of those things I’m like “that doesn’t look so great.” What can I do to improve that?” So, as I’ve grown, even the last few months, I’ve figured out more ways to make the pieces entirely more finished and more sturdy.

anniebear: Cool, so you also have a co-creator, Tara?

Annie: Yeah, Tara is my best friend of 20 years. She’s my business partner and we have a vanilla jewelry line that we’ve had for many years. She herself, is not in the community, she just doesn’t identify with anything kinky.

anniebear: She’s a vanilla!

Annie: I don’t want to call her that. She says, “I’m not THAT vanilla!”

anniebear: I think if you mean it in a derogatory way, then that’s different. She’s non-kinky.

Annie: She’ll joke about it every once in a while, like, “I’m kinkier than you think, I just don’t talk about it like you do.” But yeah she’s all in, super supportive of me and the community and she’s ecstatic to meet all of my friends and learn about the way everyone uses and wears the things that we make so that she can help design, and so she does a lot of the hand stamping and metal smithing for the jewelry side of things.

anniebear: That’s amazing. You kind of got her on board with the whole idea?

Annie: I’ve been talking about it for probably a couple years and we were debating the best way to go about it because our brand is distinctly vanilla and we wouldn’t want to alienate our customers.

anniebear: So you keep them separate.

Annie: Yes, we keep the brands separate. Although I do let people know. I made Restrained Grace a social media account, like hey we also make nerdy stuff over here. I just, at this point, we haven’t advertised Restrained Grace too much.

anniebear: You wouldn’t necessarily want to have it on that website because people get uncomfortable (laughs)

Annie: Yes and you know my personal social media, I’m tied to both brands, and I’m out in every sense, personally. So I’ll mention both brands on my personal social media.

anniebear: that’s amazing! So I imagine your family must be pretty cool or accepting?

Annie: For the most part. My immediate family they know. I’ve always been kind of a black sheep. So my mom was just like, as long as you’re happy. I mean, I definitely had to have a conversation with my mom and explain to her that it’s not all whips and chains.

anniebear: There’s also this (Restrained Grace).

Annie: Yes, there’s also pretty girly things and wonderful communication levels and relationships and there are so many benefits to it.

Pale pink harness from Restrained Grace
Pale pink harness from Restrained Grace

anniebear: I love that. It’s really really great when that happens because it’s rare, I think that someone should be so completely out in their life and not have too much backlash or anything.

Annie: Right, I was able to actually come out as bisexual, poly, and kinky.

anniebear: All at the same time?

Annie: All at the same time, within a month or two. It’s been wonderful. I think I’ve just managed to surround myself with people who are supportive.

anniebear: You have your network there. Has your website ever received any…I know it’s relatively new, but has it ever received any criticism or backlash from anyone?

Annie: I actually have one random person who anonymously likes to send me…

anniebear: Hate mail?

Annie: Kind of. It’s very obvious, it’s very trolly, it’s very nasty, so I’m just like, I’m not going to give them any power over me.

anniebear: Sounds like they have too much time on their hands.

Annie: Yeah, they have nothing better to do than to worry about how happy I am, so.. (laughs)

anniebear: You’re like my life’s great, so I don’t know what you’re worried about!

Annie: My life is amazing!

anniebear: On a personal note, it sounds like your life has exponentially improved since coming out and getting involved more in the lifestyle.

Annie: Yes, the more involved in the lifestyle I get, the more people I meet, the more I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. I was previously married and my whole relationship was vanilla and entirely unhappy. Getting to learn more about who I am and why I am what I am, and meet other people who are on the same journey and help them explore and connect with them, it’s incredible. And also sex. (laughs)

anniebear: That doesn’t suck either. (laughs)

Annie: Yeah our lives don’t suck.

String of pearls collar from Restrained Grace
String of pearls collar from Restrained Grace

anniebear: Have you ever been to any other big conventions like DomCon before?

Annie: This is my first big convention. This is actually my first, besides socials and a couple play parties, this is my actual first big thing.

anniebear: That’s wonderful. What do you think so far?

Annie: I love it. Just the broad variety of people and everyone’s different kinks and how everyone here is just accepting and excited. I’ve even met some totally new people who are just so beyond overwhelmed. They’re just like, “I’m taking business cards and I don’t know what half of this is for but I want to figure it out!” and I say “I’m here to answer questions if you like, and I’m new and I’m here to learn too!”

anniebear: There’s definitely that intimidation factor when you first get into the lifestyle.

Annie: It makes me want to do a blog post about how it’s really not as scary as you think and just talk about my experiences, like coming out into the community and being so timid and thinking it was going to be this big scary thing and instead meeting amazing people who are just all about finding their own happiness and giving pleasure and receiving pleasure, like this wonderful hedonistic group of people who are all just want to hang out and be happy. And it’s an incredible thing and doesn’t happen in the vanilla world very often, I don’t think.

anniebear: I would completely agree. The relationships formed in this lifestyle have been so much more meaningful in a way. So being new to the lifestyle, how did you kind of begin your journey?

Annie: Well, I had obviously read some filthy romance novels and things like that, like got the idea of who I was. I’d spend a lot of time on Tumblr, looking at…

anniebear: Dirty pictures! (laughs)

Annie: (laughs) Yes, dirty pictures! And there’re some bloggers on there that are, you know, male dominant/female submission and that really spoke to me, so I would read about their actual lifestyle. They would post anecdotal stories about their lives and I was like, this is for me. So when I decided to really get going in my business that’s the direction I took it in because that’s all I knew. And I’m the kind of person that I don’t want to bank off of someone else’s lifestyle if I don’t understand it properly. So, it’s not so much that I started it in an effort to be exclusive, or exclusionary, but that I wanted to know what I was doing and make things that were going to serve the purpose they were intended for for people. So the more people I meet the more my horizons are broadened I’m learning how other people would use things so I’m able to make things for Pro Doms, for female doms, male subs, gay men, all my friends are across the board.

anniebear: Did you end up going to an event in San Diego as an introduction into the lifestyle?

Annie: Yes, so I was dating a man who took me to a social, it was a really small social and the first couple times we went, we didn’t really get very social. And then I ended up going to another one alone and I had met a handful of people so I thought worst case scenario, just cling to somebody. And that was what started expanding my world because I wasn’t there with someone who was demanding my attention, I went alone, and made the rounds and made friends and started going to more things that way.

anniebear: Everyone is a lot nicer than you think they would be too, huh? (laughs)

Annie: Yeah, it’s very easy to be intimidated by the idea of what you think it’s going to be like, and be standoffish. And it’s one of the things I was talking about with friends earlier, it’s easy to feel like the community is cliquish because everyone forms such tight bonds to all the things we do together, like everything we do is intimate even if you’re only witnessing someone else do something, you feel like an interesting connection with them afterwards. So an outsider looking in at a social, where all these people know each other, is going to feel very intimidated. But there’re always people on the peripheral who know newbies are there, and want to welcome them to the community.

anniebear: Anything else new on the horizon for you?

Annie: I am working on adding a line of leather slappers, more sex toys, and things like that.

anniebear: How fun!

Annie: I’m also working on custom rope that will match my leather gear. I’m working on adding and expanding my line with other local crafters in San Diego, I’ve created a Fetlife group for local kinky crafters.

anniebear: Calling all crafters! (all laugh)

Annie: Yes! So we can all meet up and get together and work together and learn from each other. I’d like to be able to offer more hand made things that are outside of my wheel house. But the same quality and that work with my product line. I’m adding a whole line of more unisex and masculine designs. I’m really excited to get to work with my male sub friends on that.

anniebear: It’s good to have direct source information.

Annie: Yes because honestly, I make stuff that I would wear, so in not knowing any male submissives or masculine submissives, I feel like it would kind of be a shot in the dark trying to make for them, and I want to make things that are different than what’s already out there. Having resources and people who give me their opinions about a design with me is, it’s huge.

Make sure to check out Miss Annie’s full line of BDSM jewelry and accessories at Restrained Grace!

Event Review: Torture Garden, London

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If you haven’t heard of Torture Garden, they are an insanely popular/famous event group dedicated to bringing the best in BDSM, kink, and electronic events to London and the worldwide stage starting in the early 90’s. I originally discovered them on Instagram a few years ago and have been lusting to attend one of their events ever since.

Dexx and I recently found ourselves on a European trip that just happened to set us in London for TG’s June Ball. I could NOT pass up the opportunity to attend! The event was on a Saturday night and Dexx and I spent all day Saturday shopping for an outfit for him. This may sound like Dexx is a fashionista but in reality, TG has one of the most strict dress codes of any event I’ve ever seen or heard of. This is not merely a “no tennis shoes or ripped clothes” type of dresscode. TG goes to great lengths to make sure that all guests adhere to their high standard of fetish, goth, alternative, and beyond! In fact, their website makes sure to spell out exactly what is allowed to the letter. It was a fun challenge shopping for Dexx. We made a pitstop at Liberation Latex where I got to see him in latex for the first time! In the ended we opted for something else equally fantastic but a slight bit cooler to wear. Everywhere we went shopping, people had heard of Torture Garden. This party, despite it’s more alternative theme is a staple of London. It’s no surprise that kink and fetish are much more accepted here than in the states.

I had planned my outfit all the way back in LA and made the trek across the ocean with it in tow. A black lace bodysuit, red waist cincher, leather posture collar, red thong, and giant hair with black feathers completed my look. I knew nothing I wore could compare to the clothes we would see so I didn’t agonize overly much on it.

We were meeting a few of Dexx’s friends from London at Fire, the venue for this month’s ball. We dressed in some suitable street clothes over our outfits and we were on our way! I felt very nervous going to this particular party mostly due to not knowing what to expect! TG does a great job of including all areas of kink, so I assumed folks would be friendly at least.

Upon arrival, we met up with our friends and went to get in line. We got a full bag inspection and pat down and my chewing gum was confiscated *sob* 😉 We then entered the space. Our first goal was to locate coat check so we could ditch our vanilla clothes. Once inside, we stripped down to our real outfits and I navigated my way all the way through the space to the back patio where coat check was located. The space was extremely dark as my eyes adjusted so I almost missed it. I also thought it would have made more sense to have coat check located nearer to the front entrance but this was minor inconvenience.

There were several rooms for the event. The lighting was moody in some and different colors with bright spotlights dancing around in others. The main room had several cages and pole for dancing. There was a stage in front of the DJ and electronic music was playing. It had a very industrial feel. Another room contained dungeon equipment along the wall in a u-shape. It was roped off and there were a few dungeon monitors around. Upon further inquiry we found that anyone could use the equipment to play. There were a few impact scenes going on and one rope scene inside of an elevated cage in which a girl was later hoisted into a suspension. That room in particular was very crowded and people eagerly watched the play in progress. Above us were circular projection screens with photos and art playing in a slide show.

We grabbed a few drinks from one of several full bars and wandered about. I loved looking at the different costumes. While they were not as wild and crazy as I had expected, there were many people that had gone all out wearing head to foot latex suits, dresses, and everything in between. Lingerie was a popular choice as there were many beautiful women strutting around. I could tell a few of the men were uncomfortable in their attire, adjusting their clothes a lot and gawking at everyone. Though TG does a good job with the dress code and also does not allow in groups like bachelor/ette parties, they can’t possibly know who is their as a spectator and who is an actual lifestyler. However, I hope events such as these serve as a source for education as much as it is entertainment.

In all the event seemed much more akin to an industrial dance party rather than a more focused kink party. Since it goes all night, perhaps my group didn’t stay long enough to see enough? I was pleased to note that this party was comparable to a lot of the BDSM parties I’ve attended in Los Angeles. Albeit since this was not taking place in an actual dungeon, the LA parties are heavier on the play and less on dancing. But it was fun and unique to have dancing as an option.

Great job to the group at Torture Garden for creating such a vibrant and varied event offering and keeping it thriving for so many
years!

anniebear is a submissive living with her partner Dexx in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.