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Christmas Bunny

Building A Flogger

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When I began building floggers, I didn’t have the benefit of learning from anyone how to do it.  I spent time searching out various tutorials, print and video, and got frustrated.  What I had in my head wasn’t what I was seeing anywhere.  Much like when I cook, I had to take what I saw as the best parts of lots of different recipes, keeping the necessary ingredients while making the taste my own.

Locals in our community have opportunities to craft implements with me on occasion, when I’ve offered a course, complete with leather, tools and guidance.  I always promise them their first will turn out light years better than mine did – some goodwill sweatpants cut into strips and glued on a piece of dowel.

How I build

I start by deciding what I want my flogger to feel like (see my prior articles for more information about that).  Suffice to say, the amount and texture of the leather I use will depend greatly on what I’ve decided.

Once I’ve decided what the feel should be, I examine my larger piece of leather to determine where the size piece I have chosen will best fit.  Sometimes the size of the larger piece will force my hand, if it has limitations.  

Once I have cut my piece or pieces away from the larger hide, I often switch my focus to the handle.  Braiding works best in multiples of four, so if I’m going to braid the handle I need to find leather scrap long enough to cut into strips that will braid well.  If I’m stitching, I measure with a great deal more exactness, cutting a rectangle the precise size I will need to fully cover my handle.  Waxed thread works best with leather, though I will occasionally wax my own so I can customize my options a little better.

Handle complete, I create the section of falls.  I know some people will use a piece of leather the length of their handle, then split falls off, but I prefer about an inch of overlap from the base of the handle rather than wrapping the full length.  I measure twice down the row, marking my future cuts with tailor’s chalk.  It turns out chalk works well on most leathers, since it just rubs off easily.  I advise students to measure from the same side when they mark, to avoid slanted cuts if the body of their piece is uneven.

Once falls are marked and cut, I use glue on the band of the fall section and wrap it around the base of the handle.  For most, upholstery tacks finish that portion.  Some may want to upgrade to knotwork over their fall section, but that’s done more easily with a video tutorial.  There are some excellent ones on YouTube, though I personally find Viper’s video tutorial to be the best out there.  I believe he has them for sale in his etsy shop.

The handle strap is next, and I often cut the strap, end cap circle and covering wrap all at once.  Some people think the end strap is for your wrist.  I’ll agree to disagree with those folks.  I build mine shorter, clearly hanging straps, though I can make them longer for those who request that.  This top section can also be covered with knotwork for those who prefer, or finished with tacks as well.

The one thing I emphasize is that the devil is in the details.  My wraps start from the same side of the handle.  I position hanging loop straps equidistant from what I determine is a centerline on the handle.  I make sure diamonds in braided handles line up, and stitching is in a straight line rather than wandering.  

When my students finish, I warn them about set times for their glue.  Test swings are one thing, but attempting a full scene with an implement whose glue hasn’t finished curing can lead to things shifting or even coming apart.  They don’t always listen, but at least I gave them the information.

I believe building implements for one’s own bag is a skill everyone can learn.  What I have noticed, however, is that those who spend the time to try it once begin to appreciate the pricing of handcrafted implements a little more.  They come to understand the time and effort which goes into the creation of each piece.  

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Starting The New Year Right

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Interestingly enough, their polycule involved the men as metas.  Both women were submissive to the men, yet together things just work well between them.  The men liked each other quite well, which meant group vacations and dinners worked nicely, the men having their time with the girl each was dating, with the girls holding hands between them.  They were excited to ring in the new year together.

The men had decided on whips, Lacy’s Master whipping her front surgically, while Maggie’s Daddy placed his strikes neatly along her upper back and ass cheeks.  By the end, both women were crying, punctuated by sharp screams.  The men chuckled and wandered off to the kitchen to pour champagne to toast the changing of the year while Maggie crawled on all fours over to her nude and recently striped girlfriend.  She playfully licked Lacy’s nipple.  “Want me to lick your boo boos?” she teased.

Lacy slapped Maggie’s ass, not terribly hard, but hard enough to make her hiss.  Both girls began to laugh, curled around one another on the floor.

The men returned shortly, passing out glasses.  The girls only got a splash, just enough to toast with.  None of them were fans of mixing alcohol with endorphins, but they didn’t want to miss the possibility of good luck for the next year, particularly with as rough as the past year had been.

The seconds ticked by and the men claimed their kisses at midnight, the women acknowledging their dominance first, then turning to kiss one another after.  They all understood the relationship structure quite well.

The four of them stayed awake a while longer, laughing, talking, and watching fireworks over the water, then the men excused themselves to their separate room, leaving the women the rest of the house to themselves.

Normally neither of them was particularly aggressive, but the men had taken care of the warm-up for them.  Nestled on the couch together, Lacy deftly adjusted a leg and slid into Maggie’s embrace, who responded by wrapping her legs around Lacy.  They kissed passionately, happy to have the time together. 

Maggie kissed her way down to Lacy’s striped and perky breasts, avoiding the lash marks.  She rolled one of Lacy’s nipples into her mouth.  She grazed the pierced nipple with her teeth before working it just the way she knew Lacy liked it.  Lacy’s head fell back as she moaned, reaching for her partner to maintain their connected touch.  Lacy tucked a strand of Maggie’s hair behind her ear, then slid that same hand teasingly down the side of her neck, the outer curve of her breast, and down to her spread thighs.

Lacy’s fingers touched wetness and she moaned again in response.  Maggie hummed her pleasure, opening her thighs slightly wider for exploration.  Lacy pressed her fingers into Maggie’s wet cunt, delighting in just how much wetness pooled there.  She slid a glass carrot in to replace her fingers.  “How’s that, baby?” she murmured.  Maggie nodded breathlessly as she hummed again.  

“I want to taste you,” she whispered in response, nudging Lacy to her untouched back, sliding off the edge of the couch to position between Lacy’s legs.  She lowered her mouth to Lacy’s clit, sliding a finger in just as easily as the carrot had slid inside of her.  “You’re so wet,” she breathed, sliding fingers against Lacy’s g-spot.  “I want to make you cum,” she said shyly, licking at the engorged clit and feeling glass between her own thighs.

She worked hand and mouth until Lacy squirted her orgasm, squeezing that dildo rhythmically as her desire for Lacy combined with the continued rubbing sensation triggered her own orgasm.  She climbed back onto the couch, feeling sleep pull at her.  

They’d already arranged the sectional into a bed shape, stuffies and all, and nestled together they drifted to sleep, content in their own little world.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Low Protocol And Power Exchange

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It began in baby steps.  Our dynamic was very much an experiment, with each movement forward and each step of the way tested before the full weight of the relationship was brought to bear upon it. 

It was a scary amount of power to give up.  I came into the relationship a business owner, and began a second venture about a year in.  Handing the metaphorical reins over to another when my hard work of years was on the line was a truly terrifying thing to even contemplate.   It came part and parcel of our TPE, however, and I had to trust that he would allow me to continue to make decisions without his interference.

Part of owning a business is having to interact with others in various ways, be it as the customer service representative who is discussing a potential order, as the cashier handling payment, as the scheduler booking classes, as the manager attending to someone’s satisfaction, as the artisan building product and providing updates, or in educational capacities, both online and in-person.  That’s a lot of hats, and they require a certain amount of freedom of action on my part.  It has necessitated trust on his part that I would make decisions and behave in ways of which he would approve without having to have specific protocols in place to govern those actions.

As someone who has grown to become firmly embedded in my local community, I see an incredibly wide variety of levels of protocol.  Some are required to ask prior to leaving the presence of their master, some are required to follow protocols which govern their interactions with others in various settings.  Perhaps it is a set protocol involving carrying packages or interacting with waitstaff or asking permission prior to speaking and touching friends or strangers within kink settings.  Interestingly enough (and this is a conversation I have had with friends on occasion, because many of us are fascinated by the differences in how relationships are built), many of the dynamics I have observed which involve a small business seem to run with a lower degree of formality and protocol, perhaps out of that same necessity.

If I must receive permission to speak to individuals prior to doing so, even ones of specified gender, and my partner is away from our vendor table, I would quickly become ineffective as a merchant.  I would be unable to answer questions or complete a sale.  The same holds true of online interactions.  It would effectively make the business I run hobbled during his regular work hours until he could handle the aspects I was not permitted to attend to without him.  That would lead to additional stress, and I ask a great deal of him as my business partner already.  While he does make those decisions, he has chosen to leave many of the finer details up to me, limiting the majority of his participation to financial decisions such as inventory purchases, and to customer interactions in order to keep me from using my energy and focus up in those areas rather than in completing projects.

The leaves much of our dynamic very informal, from a protocol standpoint.  Fortunately, that works well for our personalities and the way we fit together.  While I sometimes feel that our low protocol interactions can be mistaken for a more casual relationship, which can bring with it a feeling of being less than, I remind myself that some of those stares may be from envy for what may appear to be a higher level of freedom. 

Make no mistake, however.  He holds full authority over me, regardless of the appearance of casualness our low protocol level may give outsiders.  It is so important for us all to remember that each relationship, each dynamic forms as it works best for the individuals in question.  For some, that may mean there are specific rituals and protocols dictating large portions of their actions.  For others, such as us, that total power exchange may rely more on the granted authority of the top-of-slash rather than any formalized behaviors.  We all have to determine what works best for us as individuals and as couples or relationship groups, and build from that foundation.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Keeping Our Community Saf-er During the Pandemic

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These are unprecedented times indeed. Regardless of where people stand in regards to the pandemic itself, one thing we should be able to agree on is the impact it is having on our kink communities. Individuals are struggling with finances, and dungeons who rent or own space are likely struggling to maintain the financial commitment for these spaces without large events funding them.

I have been peripherally involved with some local efforts to create safer ways to restart events, though most of the credit for the hard work of researching and implementing has to go to the local dungeon owner here. The strategies we’ve adopted here may be helpful to others who are looking for ways to kink outside of their homes in safer ways, or who are struggling to maintain their spaces.

Handle Immediate Financial Need

Our first step was mid-May/June when we realized this was going to seriously impact whether or not our dungeon would still be in existence when all of this does finally resume some semblance of normality. We opened a Go Fund Me and dropped the link in our local community space. It was truly humbling to to watch people respond with an outpouring of support in the midst of feeling powerless. Every single donation was appreciated and we raised enough to maintain the rental space through the end of 2020 in that opening drive.

Some of that money went to upgrading the space in ways to make it safer, such as hand sanitizer units, a digital thermometer, a heavy duty sprayer to clean with, and a plexiglass shield for the check-in area. The rest went to keeping the rent current until virus urgency level started to recede in our region. Plans began being made for what we affectionately refer to as LAT parties, or limited attendance and time.

Once we felt safe enough, we rolled out the plan and gave community members opportunities to discuss and make suggestions before any implementation. The owner consulted local experts in the medical field and in engineering and sanitization at every step. He has made transparency his goal, from the way the money is spent, to what all of his procedures are. That transparency has helped people feel safer attending events, since it means they know exactly what to expect.

Opening the Dungeon Again

For indoor events, such as any rope classes or dungeon events there is a clear procedure. Tickets are purchased in advance through Square, which allows an individual to keep their anonymity and credit card information safe, but allows for a comment to be dropped with the user’s scene name so the dungeon knows who will be attending. Attendance is limited to ten individuals, since that was the recommendation as of the time of planning. Any new attendees are sent the membership form and covid waiver that discusses the recommendations for how to handle contact tracing in the event of any incidents (don’t mention fight club, if it is necessary, please contact dungeon owner and he can let others know they need to go for testing). Leading to the door, waiting spots are marked six feet apart. People can peek in the window to see if the prior group is clear of the entryway before entering. Masks are absolutely required while people area present in the building.

Upon entering, guests have a touchless hand sanitizer unit immediately to their right, and are expected to use it prior to moving into the space. They are then greeted and announce their name for verification on the list and to confirm they returned their forms. Stepping forward, the person manning the plexiglass enclosure can remain behind it while reaching around to digitally check the temperatures of each attendee. The CDC states that a reading of 100.4 constitutes a fever, so anyone with a reading there or above is asked to leave (though that has not happened to date). Attendees are then expected to leave the entryway and go down the hallway to the dungeon area.

The dungeon area has been modified from its pre-covid layout. The setup was workable before to allow for whip space between furniture, but has been adjusted to take half of the furniture temporarily out of commission. Those pieces have been turned around or otherwise adjusted so that it clear they are not for use. With a maximum of five couples having scenes at one time, there are a few more pieces available than people, which allow for some equipment choices.

Individuals are permitted to allot their time however they please. They can watch others scenes, they can socialize, or they can choose to indulge in their own scenes. As their time slot nears to a close, a ten minute warning is announced to allow people to wrap up scenes and pack their gear. Once everyone is out, the owner dons protective gear and thoroughly disinfects the entire space with a spray that should not be touched or inhaled, and then clears out for a minimum of twenty minutes, as recommended for usage of that chemical. The sessions are scheduled in two hour blocks with a thirty minute window for cleaning between them.

Because people have freedom to purchase tickets, but they are limited to 10 available ones, a group looking to make sure they are only sharing space with one anther can purchase the entire block of ten when dates and times are released and basically have a private event. For those with immunocompromised partners, that option can be sanity-saving.

Restarting Vendor Events

Because vendor events typically have more of a revolving door type atmosphere, we struggled some with finding the right balance of safety in order to comfortably begin holding those again. For vendors of kink gear and implements, some of them are truly hurting right now after ten months of few to no options when it comes to in-person events. Often, those in-person events tend to be hugely important for clientele, particularly newer community members who may not know what to expect in regards to appearance or quality of offerings. Being able to see and touch items is a vital part of their education, and a piece that has been noticeably absent this year.

We decided to hold our events outdoors, and to require masks. We release an informational document with safety info at the time of advertising these events. We are clear that face shields may not be used as a substitute for masks, due to the most recent research available. Additionally, we hold it in the dungeon’s gated lot so we can limit attendance to two individuals per vendor, and do thermometer checks. We have a security person and someone handling an outdoor handwashing station, stocked by a local soapmaker. Additionally, each vendor has a bottle of hand sanitizer on their table and requires people to use it prior to making contact with any merchandise.

Vendors occupy parking spaces to make things simple. Ones with larger vehicles (vans mostly) park next to the gate to block the view of anyone walking past. They set up tables in the parking spot directly next to their vehicle and are able to space it as they like. Some bring canopies. By alternating car – vendor – car – vendor, we are able to space vendors out nine feet plus add a blockade of the vendor’s car. Vendors remain masked for the duration of the event. One person or germ group may shop a given vendor at a time. A second may wait six feet distant until that group has finished. Additional interested shoppers must browse elsewhere or wait outside of the gate, physically distanced. We encourage anyone who wants to crack a whip to briefly step inside, but other than that and brief bathroom visits, the event is able to operate fully outdoors.

Our first event went well. We didn’t have a high number of attendees, but the ones who came clearly had full intention to purchase from our local people. All the vendors felt satisfied that they were safe and also able to accommodate shoppers. Vending fees are minimal and go directly to the dungeon to help make sure it continues to operate as we move forward.

Neither event is perfect. They don’t have huge attendance. Some people are unwilling to use masks during play and choose not to attend the dungeon events. Some are unwilling to wear them outdoors and choose not to attend the vendor events. Others feel both events are still beyond their risk profile and also choose not to attend. We support their choices either way, but have to move forward in ways that provide the highest level of comfort and safety to the highest percentage of our kink community’s population. As things change, we are doing our best to change with them.

Do you have any additional safety measures your community is taking? Feel free to let us know in the comments.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

The Best Impact Implements

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As a vendor of leather goods, I am often asked many questions. We (collectively) do our best to educate and inform everyone who comes to see us in person, regardless of whether or not they plan to purchase. One of the most common ones I hear: What is the best impact implement?

That’s a tough question on a good day.

I’m a heavy thud gal all the way. One of my absolute favorite implements is one that I built that isn’t for sale – a 36″ bat padded with a special high-density foam and covered with leather. It’s a warm-up and a full scene all in one, no need to change implements. I’m happy as a clam. Want something a little smaller? An elk hide flogger is like a massage in my scene and that works just fine for me. This means that my “best” will often involve soft textures. I also happen to have an eye for high quality implements, so the ones I want will likely cost someone a pretty penny.

Are either of those “the best,” though? Isn’t that subjective? Who am I to say what is your best? I may love thud, but I have many friends and acquaintances who are not fans of thuddy impact at all. Some prefer sting, some love whips, and some have some interestingly specific dislikes of floggers due to the impact of many tails at once.

Unfortunately, given the lack of in-person opportunities we’ve had this year, much of the kink shopping in our local community has transitioned to an online model or local sales chat with contactless pickup. The obvious disadvantage is that as a consumer, we are often unable to fully examine our purchases in advance. Not knowing exactly what an item may feel like can discourage a more expensive purchase. Some have simply opted to avoid new purchases entirely after one experience of disappointment.

Rather than avoiding new purchases, education can provide valuable insight about what we intend to purchase to ensure that we are getting exactly what we think we are ordering. This can be very difficult without hands-on, but I will do my best to provide useful information.

Setting General Expectations and Goals for the Purchase

Are you seeking an implement for a specific body part? Implements designed for genital impact are often smaller and lighter than an implement designed for full-body use. If you purchase one of the smaller ones thinking it is for full-body use, you will likely be disappointed even if the item is of good quality and value for its size.

Do you want the tool to leave marks afterwards? Do you want the tool to not leave marks? Unfortunately for those of us who prefer the thud, objects which provide it will often be less likely to leave mementos. To make that particular quest even more challenging, everyone is a little different. What marks one individual may leave only light traces on another, or may fade by morning. If a Maker is guaranteeing an object will leave marks, be wary. Absolutes are always suspect.

What sensations are you seeking in this implement? Are you looking to obtain something soft that can be used sensually, such as things involving rabbit fur or vegan materials? Are you looking for a specific effect from impact? I tend to prefer breaking down the sting / thud generalization into one that is slightly more descriptive. We categorize things by including a light / heavy descriptor, so we identify them as light sting, heavy sting, light thud, heavy thud, and combination sensations. Therefore, if I am shopping for something I want to be hit with, I am going to avoid things which provide a heavy sting, such as heavier paddles or smaller diameter canes made from harder materials (delrin, acrylic, carbon fiber). Softer textures absorb those inertial effects and create more thud. I’d also avoid things with pointy tips, such as floggers tipped to points, cats with pointed tips, dragon tails, etc. Rounded tipped floggers are more my cup of tea, and I will avoid leathers with shinier / smoother finish. Those finishes will generally come across as stingy. I know that is a bit sad for us thud fans, since those pretty finishes may be metallic or patterned and promise lots of sad later.

Matching Expectation to Reality

Knowledge and information are your friends. Learn about the ranges of sensation available in an implement. Floggers tend to be thought of as thuddy in general, though a skilled Maker can build one in any of the sensation ranges I mentioned earlier. Smooth topgrain leather plus thinner falls (3/8″ for example) plus pointed or snake tips equals a stingy flogger that will welt as easily as a more solid cane. An elk hide flogger that has wider falls (5/8″, 3/4″ or wider), a naked topgrain finish, and is finished with rounded tips is going to produce a softer thud. Thus unsurprisingly, heavier, thicker leathers with similar treatments will begin to create heavier thud sensations. Length definitely matters in an impact implement. Longer flogger falls require a harder swing to keep the falls from separating prior to impact, thus transfer more force through the blow. Want one that is less likely to wrap at lower speeds? Look for shorter lengths, such as 15″ falls. Avoid lengths of more than 20″, since those will require more force.

Keep in mind that softer textures and impact surfaces generally produce thud – leather paddle, floggers with lots of falls, rounded edges made of softer more flexible topgrain leathers or of full or split suede. Harder surfaces and textures generally produce sting – canes, dragon tails, smooth paddles made of wood or acrylic, floggers with firmer, stiffer leather or smooth finished topgrain and pointed tips.

Before you buy!

You can learn a great deal about an item from its description. Is the description lacking? The person selling it may be a reseller rather than a Maker. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask questions. If someone can’t or won’t answer, they may not be the right seller for you. If a flogger description indicates that it is 20″ in length, is that 20″ of total length or 20″ of falls? How long is the handle, how wide are the falls and how many does it have? What type of leather is it made from? Do they list the thickness (or weight) of the leather? Do they mention what type of sensation you may experience from the item? Details are your friend. One measurement and the word “soft” in a description which comes in at one sentence long is personally not enough information for me to give informed consent to an item hitting my ass.

Look for key words. Do they advertise “Genuine Leather”? This is often a term used for leather that is made of scrap which is ground and pressed together. It is still technically leather just as plywood is still wood, it is simply a lower quality option. Look for words such as:  split suede – which indicates the bottom layers of hide have been split off; topgrain – which indicates the top layer and will have some type of finish, such as naked (super soft), pebble (textured but flexible); fullgrain – both topgrain and suede split leathers still combined, often thicker than either individually (still variances between animal types); corrected grain – topgrain has had the imperfections sanded off and then has been stamped with a topgrain finish, leaving a less expensive and slightly lower quality product, etc. If you don’t recognize a term, this is a good time to either run a quick google search or reach out to the seller and inquire. When purchasing wooden items, such as paddles, look for the type of wood. You don’t want thinner impact items made from softer woods, like pine or poplar. Hardwoods such as oak, maple, purple heart, and exotics are less likely to break and potentially splinter and cause some unpleasantness for the person receiving impact. The janka hardness scale can be a useful tool. Look for things with a hardness over a thousand, as a general rule.

Is it Artisan made? Is it mass-produced and available for resale on etsy for $20? A $20 flogger may well be worth what is being asked for it, but is much less likely to be tailored for a specific sensation preference, and likely to be made with lower quality materials and workmanship. I tend to advocate purchasing from a builder who is local, or if a local seller is unavailable in your area, from one who handcrafts their implements . Even then, however, levels of skill and workmanship will still vary greatly between craftsmen. If someone has a clear and reasonable understanding of the value of their work, and it is structurally sound, purchasing from them can be a viable option for those looking for implements in lower price ranges rather than from someone whose work may have more flourish and skill but be that much more expensive as a result.

The next thing to look at is workmanship. If the item features a braided handle, is the pattern lined up down the handle? If it has “knotwork,” do all of the parts of the knot seem to be symmetrical? If it has tacks, rivets, or other visible evidence of fastenings, are they lined up in straight lines or is the spacing even? Are they lined up with other parts of the item? Does the hardware appear solid and of good quality? Are edges finished, such as rounding edges on a paddle or burnishing leather edges on a belt, cuffs or a collar? Does stitching appear even?

Do keep in mind that these details do not necessarily indicate a product which is not worth what is being asked for it, or that the item won’t last. Most of those things are cosmetic, though some may be structural. If a paddle has been cut so that the wood grain traverses the handle portion in a perpendicular fashion, this is less stable in a more intense scene than one which has been cut so that the wood grain runs lengthwise down the paddle. If you see spots that appear to be blemishes, do not be afraid to ask for an up-close photo. Most Makers are willing to provide more information and responsible ones are less likely to be willing to sell an item which appears to have questionable structural integrity.

Read reviews of the item if it is one that is available in a standard option, and of the seller prior to purchase. Do reviews indicate that buyers generally received what they expected? Do reviews indicate that the photo was a stock one and the actual item varied greatly in quality?

Look at the photos. Are there close-up photos as well as distance pictures? Is there anything that looks iffy? If you are uncertain, it doesn’t hurt to ask someone who has more experience than you do.

Shop around. Finding a flogger marked at $35 is great, until you look closer and see that it has 10 falls that are each 1/2″ wide (likely that won’t be listed in the description). My super awesome maths skill tells me that’s 5 total inches of leather. If I can buy a different flogger for $45 that clearly lists that it offers 40 falls that are each 1/2″ wide, that’s a much better deal for the price even thought one is more expensive. If you factor in the workmanship and shipping, one may end up being a clear winner when it comes to a long-term investment.

Price point alone does not indicate whether or not a tool is appropriate for you. Not all vendors have a good understanding of how to price their items according to their skill level, labor time and effort, and material costs. This can mean pricing for a given item may range as much as $50 between the low and high end, and the pricing may still seem unevenly distributed across the quality of implements offered at those prices. It may also mean that the same $80 price tag can include a huge variety of offerings when it comes to amount of material, quality of material, and workmanship. Purchasing a less expensive item from a less skilled Maker can absolutely be a viable option as long as it meets your expectations and usage needs for the tool.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Conversations Around Mental Health

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These times, am I right? If you’d asked me five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined the person I am today, let alone that this is what my daily life would look like. That’s a difficult thing for just about anyone, let alone overplanners like me.

I’ve always been someone who is pretty even-tempered. Most of my friends have never seen me angry, and I’m often the cheerful one. My partner and I don’t have many areas where friction is likely to occur, and on the off chance that some does, we have systems in our D/s that are designed to handle them.

It’s a good life.

I set this up not to brag, but to make it clear that my struggles with mental health issues since March have been unexpected and completely new territory for us as partners, and for us in the larger framework of our poly sphere. This isn’t to say that I haven’t had issues in my life which needed addressing, but anxiety, depression and other spectres which can be treated chemically were virtual unknowns.

The pandemic has been a learning experience for me, for us, in so many ways. I have the ability to work remotely. It limits my income and my hours, but I made that transition mid-March, shortly after spring break, when my partner also made the transition. We went from seeing one another a few hours every day to sharing office space every single day. That feels as though it requires emphasis. Every. Single. Day.

I’ve read articles that say part of our (as a society) difficulties in relationships are partly because of high stress levels which make people more agitated and partly because when we never leave one another, we can’t miss each other. We don’t have those times to reminisce about the good qualities our partners have, just the constant annoyances.

I’ve been lucky in that area. My nesting partner has few qualities I find obnoxious, so my main struggles have been with fear. I fear the unknown, I fear him contracting the virus and dying, I fear death, and I am afraid of what tomorrow will look like.

In the beginning, that made getting out of bed difficult. I found myself trying to sleep more, or burying my head in a mindless phone game to avoid having to think too much, since thinking always led back to the inevitable unknown. It was a pretty vicious cycle. I devoured news articles since for me, knowlege tends to help me feel more in-control. My partner saw that I was not okay. He began limiting my news intake by making me take time off from those things, hoping to help me find a more even keel. I was having small anxiety attacks when I grocery shopped, so he began finding delivery options that limited my interactions outside of the house. His other partner was isolating for weeks before coming to see him to make sure she wasn’t bringing deadly germs into the house. iMy anxiety levels were off the charts and I had no idea what to do. He saw that I was less productive, but it can be difficult enough to admit to ourselves when we’re not fine, let alone finding the words to admit it to someone else.

It wasn’t until the dam broke that I reached out for help. I had made it through a month and a half of the stormy seas of heightened anxiety when we learned that my daughter would have to return to work in a job which required her to come into physical contact with other people. I started crying and I couldn’t stop, and finally called my general practitioner seeking some kind of medicinal intervention. He prescribed a stopgap, and I finally had to sit down with my partner and try to put my feelings into words.

We moved out that weekend, into a living situation which better lent itself to isolating. We collected the vulnerable members of our family and shored up against outsiders. We left my daughter in our house, and I only had to take the anxiety meds when I left the house to collect groceries. We waited for any word that masks were effective, finally running across a test case of live exposure with the potential for superspread, only to have it bumped from the news. We searched for weeks for more information, relieved beyond measure when it came. It was finally safe to return home.

Going home didn’t mean my anxiety was gone. It meant my partner had to keep an eye on me for signs that I might need to medicate. I explored other possibilities, such as counseling, but talking about my anxieties only served to exacerbate them.

My partner began scheduling time for us in a friend’s pool. It was the most human interaction outside of one another that we’d had for months. We’d go swim, and it was like the stress and anxiety melted away, giving us back our humanity for just a little while. It was like lancing a wound – the poison seeped out. It wasn’t healed, but it improved dramatically.

We’ve had to find ways to steal pieces of “normal.” We’ve found that being able to do so safely has been hugely important to my mental health. As it got cold enough that the pool was less attractive, we moved to the occasional indoor game night with those friends, who were also isolating. We added two other friends to our QuaranTeam, our Perv Pod, and we made arrangements to attend our local dungeon together. The space seemed awfully empty, but before too long, the delicious sounds of four bottoms screeching at non-regular intervals and the cracks of whips and sounds of other impact filled the space in ways our physical presence could not.

Our vacation was cancelled, unsurprisingly. So we made plans with that same group to rent a house on the water down south, drove in a caravan, stopped for groceries, and spent a few days taking turns with cooking, playing board games, and fishing off of the back deck of the house. We are finding ways to regain our joy.

I still have to take my anxiety meds. My Dominant makes sure to keep track of how often I need them, and if it starts becoming more frequent, to check on my mental state more regularly. He’s relaxed some rules for the duration of this – I’m allowed more stuffies in the bed as long as the pile stays on my side, and he let me get a new wardrobe of super fluffy pajama pants to work in.

I still don’t know what tomorrow will look like. I try not to think too hard about that. We’re tentatively planning Thanksgiving with our Germ Pod. Even though I cried when I realized the rest of my family wouldn’t be able to join us, it’s better than it could be, and better than it was back in early June.

I know it can be hard to admit it, but it is so important to ccommunicate mental health challenges to partners. There are so many resources out there, help is available. It just takes sliding one foot forward for that very first step. ‘

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T In Polyamory

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You don’t have to like your metamour, but ideally you should respect each other

Polyamory can have its ups and downs. One of the greatest external support functions I’ve found that generally tends to come into play when polycules start to grow has been some type of shared calendar. Some will swear by regular ol’ google calendar, others by shared OneNote files or Dropbox or Google Drive folders. Much like the practice of poly, there’s no one agreed-upon way to share schedules and facilitate polycule communication.
What does seem more of a common ground is a desire I often see individuals have for other members of their polycule to have respect for their relationship/s. The problem, as I see it, is how one defines the word respect. I heartily suggest that however one might define it, that the definition is shared amongst metas and partners. Understanding what a person considers to be respectful can often help others from crossing that boundary. That isn’t to say that misunderstandings won’t still occur, but firmly establishing personally held definitions of what disrespect looks like can be extraordinarily helpful.

Let’s play with some examples. I happen to feel that as my D-type’s nesting partner, it is my job to create space for his other partners. If I choose instead to monopolize his time and schedule things in such a manner that they have no space at all in which to attempt to squeeze their own schedules into the open spaces, I have neither respected their relationship with him, nor their needs within that framework. The way I see that, the path in that direction leads to poor relationships with my metas and strife in the general polycule due to my inability to respect their time.

Taking that a step further, if they schedule a specific day each week with him, say Thursday for ease of discussion, it is my responsibility to be respectful of that schedule.

Yes, I understand that life happens. However, if I consistently drag my time with him out and cause him to be late for plans with them or if I continuously reschedule plans that force their plans to adjust around me, I have not been respectful of their time together. If it were a work meeting I would not be so cavalier and dismissive of their scheduled event, so why does it being his romantic schedule make it any less worthy of my consideration?

If I want others to honor my time with partners, I have to give equal concern to my own behavior. If a regularly scheduled week isn’t working for some reason, that becomes an issue for the polycule as a whole. If others are amenable and have been respectful of relationships, often a solution can be found. When someone has shown me clear indifference of my time and energy over and over, I tend to be much less accommodating, as a rule. I find that sort of thing tends to be common. We have a tendency to want to treat others as they’ve treated us rather than extending gestures of care only to see them slapped down or taken advantage of.

It can be incredibly difficult to stand in someone else’s shoes. Quite naturally, we see things from our own viewpoint. When I accomodate someone’s constantly shifting schedule while feeling as though mine is not of concern to them, it has a hugely detrimental effect on our relationship.

It helps if you all get along together!

Having many friends who practice poly, I have heard a meta or six referred to as ‘The Black Hole.’ Their partner will have plans with them, on said Thursday, while Wendesday was a meta’s turn. Yet fairly consistently, the partner will drop off of the map all day Wednesday, leaving Girl Thursday unable to confirm plans. As Thursday stretches on, it always become apparent that Girl Wednesday has had some sort of panic attack or began a serious relationship conversation or argument when their shared partner is due to leave. Once might be legitimate, but when that occurs every week for six months, GW’s lack of respect for Shared Partner’s time becomes only too apparent. When SP doesn’t see the manipulative behavior, that can leave GT feeling frustrated and unimportant, constantly at the mercy of her meta. Compounding that, I often see Girl Wednesday turn around and accuse GT of not being concerned about her relationship with SP. That’s a game with no winners, unfortunately.

Without a standard schedule those issues can be a bit trickier. Say I have a meta with an incredibly busy schedule which leaves her having to make plans a month out. If I text our shared partner with my weekend schedule, and my free time happens to coincide with their plans, I absolutely feel it is my duty to make it clear that my schedule is more flexible and that I can wait. I don’t get to make our Shared Partner feel guilty for keeping plans they’ve made, and I don’t get to try to schedule time before or after, forcing SP to cut time with one of us short. I am honor-bound to respect their time. Doing otherwise, quite frankly, would make me a rather shitty metamour, and honestly, not someone I’d recommend getting involved with.
We always have the option to be respectful of the relationships our partners have with others. I’d argue that if you want your own relationship to have longevity, it’s absolutely essential.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

The Nesting Partner Doesn’t Always Win

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We live in interesting times, which happens to be less than awesome for most of us.  We’re experiencing levels of anxiety and stress that our bodies may not be accustomed to.  We have uncertainty and fear, and some days it is a struggle for us to accomplish basic tasks.

What then of kink?  And non-nesting partners?  Is there any space for that in all of this?

I believe there is, but it can be difficult to achieve the head space for the first, or to have the additional energy required for the second. 

Having relationships requires energy.  We give up some of our energy reserves in order to invest in getting to know others or hearing about how their lives are.  When we have high stress levels and we are hearing about high stress from partners, it can be a challenge to keep our heads above water. 

Someone who does not live with a shared partner may be experiencing some feelings of jealousy or loss right now.  It may seem desirable to have someone there for comfort, but we don’t always account for how these emotions can affect a relationship.  It can be an odd shift to consider that partners who do not live together may have an easier time scheduling time for the fun things than those who do.

Partners at home have to push through those pulls of life, like dishes and children, dogs and laundry, and the little frustrations that pile up on any given day.  We may have planned to do fun kinky things together, but the odds are good that when the time comes, one or both of us will be too tired to scrape up the interest.  Because outside partners are getting a specifically scheduled time, energy is often fresh when they meet up.  This means the likelihood of them being able to follow through with the fun kinky things is much higher.  Watching that partner get the thing that is desired but rarely received can create feelings of inequity in a nesting partner, particularly one who does the laundry and finds oneself hanging the now-clean rope to dry that was likely used on a meta’s crotch. 

What is the solution, though?  Understanding the issue doesn’t make energy suddenly appear from nowhere, or stir up desire that has been tamped down by stress and fear.  Perhaps the way to solve feelings of inequity in this area can be to schedule with nesting partners the way we schedule with partners outside of the home.  When we were used to making kink time together by going out to a dungeon before, that option no longer exists, at least not in a way we personally feel is safe. 

Perhaps reaching out to our local dungeon owners whose properties sit empty of patrons, monthly rent continuing to rack up, would be happy to allow a pair of patrons to borrow their location and equipment for an hour for a special night out.  Perhaps, as a friend of our suggested, creatively scheduling an exotic meal out, by exploring recipes or takeout from a particular culture, creating ambiance with sounds or music from the same culture, and dining in Paris for a night before getting one’s kink on might be just the right touch. 

It is important that we explore creative options to continue to show the people we love they are special.  It isn’t always enough to just be the stressed out warm body in bed with them at night.  At some point, this life of fear and uncertainty has to end, and it is the goal that our relationships haven’t ended before that.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Erotica: Photo Session

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Mona shifted her bag nervously from hand to hand.  She’d been crushing on this particular photographer since first seeing her work shared on Instagram.  She did gorgeous erotic sessions as well as marketing shoots for local kink vendors, and their recent casual friendship had Mona hoping for more.  They’d negotiated boundaries for this shoot more thoroughly than Mona ever recalled negotiating pick-up play scenes, but even so, she was nervous, and a tight ball of anticipation rested low in her stomach.

An assistant finally answered the door, escorting Mona back to the photographer’s lair in the back of the house.  They had a partial water setup included today, and Mona’s steps quickened as she wondered how it would go.

Innocently was the best word for the first half hour.  The assistant busied himself, occasionally disappearing for several minutes at a time, while the photographer set her equiment for a test shoot.  Brusquely, she asked Mona to take her place to begin the session.  “Panties?” she asked.  Mona blushed a little and squeezed her knees together, shaking her head in the negative.  “Good, you followed instructions,” came the distracted response as the shutter began to click, capturing the alluring combination of embarassment and arousal.

“Now flirt with me,” came the first instruction.  Mona looked puzzled and began to open her mouth when the photographer stopped her.  “With your body,” she clarified. 

Mona leaned back onto her hands, dancing her knees slightly apart, flashing glimpses of bare cunt under an indecently short dress.  The photographer clicked the shutter quickly, adjusting position around Mona as she worked.

“Harder nipples,” came the next command.  Mona pinched them through her skater-style dress, but despite the coolness of the studio space, they didn’t harden.  

“Can you help me?” Mona asked shyly.  The photographer silently handed the camera to her assistant, who continued shooting photos as she kneeled next to Mona, pinching her nipples roughly and plucking at the bars in them.  Mona found herself shifting with the beginnings of arousal, but her pierced nipples remained uncooperative. 

With a small noise of frustration, the photographer bent her head and placed her mouth directly on the stubborn buds.  The sucking came hard and immediate, and Mona’s nipples began to respond.  The photographer bit solidly behind the bar, and that took Mona’s nipples the rest of the way to rock-hard.  She moaned quietly into her closed mouth, trying to maintain some degrees of professionalism despite the hungry mouth on her nipple.    She vaugely heard the shutter clicking as her head fell back and she wantonly pressed the nipple more firmly into the photographer’s mouth.  “That ought to do it,” the photographer said, distantly, reclaiming the camera from the assistant, who had been shooting photos the whole time she’d worked up some decently sized wet patches on the font of Mona’s dress.

Mona rubbed her bare thighs together slightly, immagining that mouth a little lower.  Another command came, “Turn over and offer me sex without speaking a word.”  Mona shyly raised to her knees, dress still ruffled from her earlier shifting.  She played with the hem of her dress, teasingly flashing even longer glimpses of bare pussy than before.  Mona dropped to hands and knees, the skirt hitching up over bare ass, totally exposing her.  She arched her back and slid her knees slightly apart, teasing with what she had heard was quite a lovely bare cunt.  She reached a hand back and covered it briefly, glancing flirtatiously at the photographer from over her shoulder, then took a slap of opportunity, the sound of bare skin being slapped ruined by moisture already pooling under her hand.  With a flush, she quickly withdrew the hand, sitting back on her heels and letting her knees slide outwards until she rested her pussy almost on the floor, still glancing back over her shouder every so often.  The shutter clicked furiously as the photographer recorded each moment.

“Such a wet little pussy,” she murmured.  “I can see it from here.  Take the dress off and show me that body, naughty girl.”

Fuck.  Mona had already been turned on, but being called a naughty girl just hit the accelerator on her excitement.  She slowly pulled the dress off over her head, the flush of arousal evident between her legs.  The photographer shot photos from all the angles, being sure to capture Mona’s swollen cunt.

She handed the camera off again.  “Are you ready for the fun part?” she asked.  Mona nodded her continued consent as the photographer held one finger up menacingly, then dropped it down to touch Mona’s clit lightly.  The whirr of the shutter continued as the photographer expertly rubbed wetness into every crevice of Mona’s wet little slit, and she rocked her hips against the finger in response.  “Lay back,” came the next command, and she obeyed with haste.  A tongue began firmly probing Mona’s clit, and she began to see stars.  The photographer began adding spanks and slaps, creating ripples of flesh.  She reached a hand out as if demanding something, and didn’t stop what she was doing until an object was placed there.  She began using a crop on Mona’s ass and thighs, mouth still pleasuring the wet little nub at her core.

The crop must have had a special handle.  Its direction was reversed and slid into Mona, and in that manner she was alternately spanked and fucked with the handle until she was crying for release.  Mona trembled and made glorious sounds at her treatment, not daring to believe she was finally in the hands of her idol, with hours left to come.

Erotica: Through The Door

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Candy pressed light fingertips against the door.  The sounds were unmistakable.  She knew exactly what this was.

Still without touching anything but her fingertips to the wood, she imagined the scene inside.  

That sharp clap with no echo or repeats – it was definitely a face slap.  The muffled moan following was sure to indicate its recipient was on their knees sobbing a bit.  The squeal directly on the heels of the sobbing would be when the insistent demand of fisted hair yanked her out of her shocked self-indulgence.  

Candy lightly pressed her ear to the wood, hoping the echoing sounds would become clearer with more contact.

The next loud grunt suddenly muffled was Ms. Shocked being unceremoniously tipped onto her face via the gripped hair.  Ass in the air, the beating would commence.  Floggers would rain their many tails down upon their hapless victim.  Canes would leave distinct impressions in their wake.  Weighted gloves would replace tools, since Candy knew he preferred to use a more hands-on method to achieve his full satisfaction.

Slaps would drag texture across Ms. Shocked’s body.  Punches would solidly sink into areas cushioned by fat, bounce slightly in more muscular sections of the targeted zones.

Candy hovered, ear and hands barely pressed to the door.  She squeezed her thighs together as her breathing quickened slightly.  She was living the experience in unison with its object.  She didn’t allow herself to imagine the bottom inside as anything other than a vessel.  

What sounded like a grunt followed by wet slapping was him sliding his cock inside that naughty cunt, dripping excitement from its rough treatment.

Candy struggled to hear more, dropping to the ground to listen at the crack umder the door.  The smacking sounds intensified and she felt her nipples harden.  They pressed against the floor as she quietly contorted against the door frame, struggling to catch every nuance.

It grew quiet and she unsteadily rose to her knees, wondering how to end this awkwardness and march in, moist pussy betraying the angry words she planned.

As she kneeled at the door, hand upon the wall to balance her rise, the door opened suddenly at her nose.  A hand gripped her hair, tilting her head back and obscuring her view into the room and any other possible occupant.  A cock worked its way into her shocked mouth, effectively silencing her half-formed protest, echoing her imagined fantasy as eerily as if it had all happened before.

It began again.