Christmas is coming. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, isn’t it?
Unless, of course, it isn’t. The holidays can feel very dark, even when we are in partnerships, and that’s not even taking into account that December 21st is the longest night of the year. Something about the holidays, the hustle and bustle, can bring out the very best in us, and the very worst as well. Sometimes the holiday season reminds us of those we have lost, or left behind. For some, it is a season of sadness rather than the joy others experience.
I find my peace in journaling.
While those who follow my writing know that I post frequently, they may not realize how this came to pass, or what purpose it serves for me. At the beginning of this portion of my journey, I struggled with many issues. I fought against self-acceptance, I refused to acknowledge a fear of abandonment which I was letting control my behavior, and most of all, I didn’t know what I wanted.
I’d like to take a moment to bunny trail. I certainly always support people treating their mental health with as much care as their physical health, and getting regular mental health check-ins. There is no substitute for counseling from a licensed (and hopefully kink-friendly) professional. However, we are not always at places in our journeys where counseling is easy to afford or perhaps schedule. Sometimes we have to find healing in other ways.
Daddies are sometimes wiser than their stubborn charges.
He found a website that had journal prompts for submissives and mixed those in with things he recognized we needed to discuss or wanted more information from me on. Thanks to his clever assignments, my journaling became a tool for growth and self-awareness. It became the way I could admit all of the things I was thinking without committing to speaking those things aloud. There is a strange catharsis in letting the words flow out of the hand and onto the paper, know that if those pages were ripped out or burnes, the words could disappear into smoke.
When assigning journaling to a submissive, it really can function in multiple ways. First and foremost, it can simply be a tool of knowing. Sharing secrets with blank pages or in the draft folder of an online blog can provide a top slash keys to their bottom slash. If done well, it can be an insightful enough experience to apear as mind reading by the top.
It can also function as a tool for honesty. Having a submissive journal about their fantasies, their thoughts on a scene, or even talking about what they want from a budding relationship can lay the foundation for productive conversations.
Having the bottom slash in the habit of sharing thoughts daily can keep any issues which may come up from festering. Struggling with polyamory? Jealousy? Write about it, then talk about it together. Writing can help organize the thoughts into the most important ones, and help both parties recognize unreasonable lines of thinking. Sometimes those moments of recognition can lead to healthier responses.
Journaling about disagreements heped Daddy and I implement argument protocol. When we want to discuss opposing viewpoints, we sit touching. Sometimes we hold hands, sometimes we snuggle. Neither of us is permitted to deny physical affection to the other. Either way, touching with affection tends to minimize the quarrelsome nature such conversations can have.
Sometimes regular journaling will expose deeper issues that may need some attention. In the case of my fear of abandonment, it came across as sudden bursts of irrational behaviors and the journal helped us find the pattern. I was able to continue my journey with several books to assist. I found The Journey From Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson and Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen. I read them as I had the emotional strength available (it being the holiday season) and journaled about my reading and subsequent thoughts extensively.
As I healed, my writing continued, but it adapted and became a tool with which I have been able to share my experiences and hopefully help others on their paths. It is a habit of introspection that has made the relationships with both of my partners healthier, as well as with close friends.
As we travel through December, taking time to reflect on those thoughts and feelings can ease worries and promote better understanding between the members of a dynamic. However we feel about the holidays, whether it be stressed by shopping, overbooking activities and events or work hours, or joyful and serene, or even a mixture of things, there is value to be had in being honest with ourselves, first and foremost. That honesty with self can’t help but improve the way we interact with each other, and perhaps help us spread a little joy and light as we come upon the longest night of the year.
About the Author
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