Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » Archives for Dee Voyse

Dee Voyse

Kink Life In A Vanilla World

By 2 Comments

Being involved in the kink scene requires a certain amount of vulnerability, openness, and honesty. Communication is the foundation among all types of BDSM activity and, as such, is a practice that is required to be honed and understood. We are all used to negotiation, safewords, and sharing parts of ourselves that the vanilla world may not ever get to see. When there is a potential for the world of BDSM to blur into our vanilla world, it can be an intimidating thought. For some people, they are perfectly comfortable being out about their kink lifestyle. For others, it could pose a risk to their livelihood, career, and more. Unfortunately, in this day and age, not everyone has the privilege of this choice. Some people are forced to keep their BDSM lifestyle a secret. Others are outed without consent. The world can be a harsh place for those whose lifestyles are not in line with the apparent status quo.

Coming out should be a personal choice. It should not be forced upon anyone. Furthermore, in an ideal situation, it would not be a terrifying prospect. If BDSM education was to gain momentum in mainstream culture in the same manner in which the 50 Shades “phenomenon” did, there would be much more understanding and knowledge to be shared with the vanilla world. Books and movies like 50 Shades and television shows such as the new Netflix comedy Bonding are a detriment to making the vanilla world a safe place for kinksters to exist. Inaccurate portrayals of BDSM which show clear violations of consent and unsafe/unhygienic practices can only serve to bely the integrity of the BDSM community. As a result, vanilla individuals are given a mistaken impression about the world of kink, leading to uninformed judgment.

The first step to understanding is a willingness to learn. The second is the actual education. I believe that kink and vanilla can coexist so long as there is this willingness to understand one another. People are quick to judge what they do not understand. Simply existing can be tough enough for anyone without the added stressors of undue judgment and misunderstanding. BDSM, for many, is an ethos. It gives us a sense of purpose and a feeling of belonging to a community larger than our individual selves. There is no easy solution to the slew of misinformation about BDSM that bombards mainstream culture, but seeking to educate is a great first step.

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.

Kink and Community: Our Responsibility

By 4 Comments

 

  • Knowing My Origins

 

Having been an active participant in the BDSM lifestyle and my local BDSM scene for the better part of the last decade, I am still and forever always learning new things. My years of experience have taught me quite a bit and, though I still find myself falling somewhere in between “newbie” and “seasoned”, I definitely have wisdom to share. Today, I would like to discuss the responsibility that we all share as members of the BDSM community. Though there is a great deal of warmth and welcoming to be found within the BDSM community, there is also a lot of predatory and toxic behavior. As members of such a thriving and eclectic community, it is our responsibility to take care of and look out for one another.

 

  • The Pitfalls of Power Exchange

 

Far too often, I’ve seen those new and eager to join the scene being preyed upon. I see people boasting of their expertise, making claims that far outweigh their actual experience and using this to justify pursuing complex and intense relationship dynamics with others who take their word at face value without knowing any better. I see submissives overcome by “sub-frenzy” who jump into TPE (total power exchange) dynamics without a second thought. I see tops utilizing unsafe practices and putting the well-being of their bottoms at risk. And I’ve had enough.

 

  • A Call to Action

 

I am aware of the fact that I am merely one individual. I know I cannot possibly go around policing the entirety of my local scene. This is why I am calling upon you, dear readers, to help. I am advocating for education and communication above all. As is said, “If you see something, say something.” This is a call to members of the BDSM community to speak out if you become aware of unsafe practices. To politely advise friends new to the scene to learn more about it before jumping in with both feet.To seek to educate those lacking in experience who are willing to learn. And some advice for those new to the scene: Know your resources and use them. Attending munches is a great way to meet people in a vanilla setting and getting outside of a play space to speak to people will help you find individuals that you can trust. I have found that, when play is off the table and people can just talk to one another without being pressured into a scene, it is incredibly beneficial and can lead to making lasting connections.

 

  • Final Thoughts

 

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) as well as Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) are the foundations to practicing BDSM in a more positive and enlightened way. So many of us have the BDSM community to thank for being a large part of our lives and our journeys of self-discovery and self-love. If we all work together and support each other, the community will thrive all the more.

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.

An Ode To AgePlay

By 5 Comments

The Arduousness of Adulthood

It’s hard enough being an adult and going through the regular day-to-day. Paying bills, remembering to stay hydrated, and keeping up with one’s hectic schedule can seem almost nightmarish. As children, we thought that adulthood was the ultimate goal. Now grown, we find ourselves thinking, ‘This isn’t what I signed up for!’ Would that there was a way to go back to a simpler time, devoid of responsibility, where you can be cared for and nurtured without any expectation of reciprocation?

Enter Age Play

Getting into a childlike headspace is a delicate and rewarding process. It can be incredibly beneficial when it comes to dealing with everyday stress and the resulting burnout. For those who identify as “littles”, “middle”, and more, roleplaying as an age different than your own can create a lovely feeling of momentary and much needed escape. Granted, age play and regression is not something that one can do all the time, particularly if one has a day job or other such responsibilities. However, setting aside time to get in touch with your “little” side is a perfect activity both individually as well as partnered. Cultivating an age play persona can be achieved by a variety of methods ranging from simple to more complex, depending on your level of comfort.

Finding Your Fit

So where do you fit into the age play scene? I have found that a great way to dip one’s toes into the pool of age play – while remaining “socially acceptable” within a vanilla context – is through the use of coloring books. Coloring books are a widely accepted stress relief method that is now being marketed to adults. While adult coloring books tend to be more complicated in terms of designs and imagery, picking up a children’s coloring book from your local dollar store and a package of crayons can be a great start. Having snacks like microwave dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets or cartoon waffles can also help one to feel more “little”. Brightly colored apparel or pastels can also inspire such a headspace. Take some time for yourself and create your role. Consider if you would like a partner to act as your caretaker and discuss how you would like to develop and nurture this dynamic. With consent from all involved parties, age play activities have the potential to open your mind and allow you to let out your proverbial “inner child”. When practiced safely and with discretion, it can be an incredibly enlightening experience.

Final Thoughts

Some may find the prospect of age play in role play somewhat intimidating. It may seem like a difficult task, particularly on account of the vulnerable mindset it inspires. I urge the use of caution and keeping an open dialogue – as well as some form of a safeword or means of signifying when a scene has begun and when it has ended – to ensure healthy and happy play. Remember to relax and enjoy yourself. Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean you have to act like one all the time!

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.

BDSM Basics-An Intro To Pet Play

By 4 Comments

Curious about how to unleash the animal within? Pet play or human animal role play is an excellent means of getting into a different and unique headspace and learning more about oneself. No matter what animal with which you find you identify, there are plenty of ways to bring your fantasies to life.

 

  • Benefits

 

One of the benefits of pet play includes practicing nonverbal communication if desired. That is, not speaking in your primary language beyond barks, meows, grunts, or whinnying. Pet play also provides an excellent opportunity for physical activity, be it running on two feet, crawling on all fours, slithering on the ground, etc. When practicing this role with a partner acting as a caretaker, it can also provide ample space to foster relationships of nurturing and tenderness on one end of the spectrum or strict protocol and punishment at the other end.

 

  • Common Roles

 

Within human animal role play, there is a vast and seemingly endless variety of choices when it comes to the role you’d like to assume. Puppy play, kitten pet play, and pony play are among the most common; however, the sky is the limit. You can be a unicorn or a dragon, a snake or a gorilla, a mouse or a bird. It’s up to you to figure out what strikes your fancy and how you best want to exist within your role. Beyond the animal roles that people can play, there are also various roles for caretakers and caregivers, owners, veterinarians, groomers, handlers, and more.

 

  • Getting Started

 

A good way to get started is to determine the animal you want to role play as. Try this exercise: close your eyes and imagine giving in to your animal instincts, shedding the burdens of human life and daily stressors. Breathe deeply and try to see in your minds eye how you would want to express this side of you. If you want to, you can even get specific. For example, you might find that you’re a kitten. But what kind of kitten? Are you feral? Domesticated? A tabby? A baby leopard? Think about your most favorite personality traits and how that might translate into your new human animal role.

The next thing to consider is how to make such a transformation and how far you wish to go in doing so. For example, a collar with a bell would be a great start for a small kitten. Going a step beyond, you could wear ears and a clip on tail. Going even further, you could try eating your meals from a dish on the ground or wearing an insertable tail. For puppies, there are hoods and paw-shaped mitts among other accessories. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, if your role involves you crawling on all fours, knee pads are highly recommended. You can find them at a sports shop (ask for volleyball or skating pads) or a kink specialty store. Depending on the intended intensity of your play, you can determine the kind of pads needed in order to make sure you are as comfortable as you want to be.

Games such as finding the red dot (having your caregiver use a laser pointer), being walked on a leash, or being fed treats from your owners hand are all different ways to make the role play headspace more realistic. When playing with a partner, negotiation is always an important part of setting the scene as well. Agreeing on a gesture, signal, or some kind of indication of a scene’s beginning or ending will be useful, particularly if practicing nonverbal communication. This role play headspace is fun and easy to get lost in so it is important to be able to signify when you are ready to start and stop without fully breaking out of your role until you are ready.

 

  • Final Thoughts

 

Playing in a human animal headspace has a bit of a learning curve; however, once you find you are able to achieve it, getting into and out of the headspace can begin to feel more natural. It is a wonderful way to shed the responsibilities and concerns that we take on in our vanilla lives. It allows for a feeling of release and of getting in touch with one’s animal instincts. As long as you remember to play it Safe, Sane, and Consensual, you’re in for a real treat – or more if you’ve been a good pet!

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.

BDSM Basics: Cathartic Scenes

By 4 Comments

What is a Cathartic Scene?

In the context of BDSM play, a cathartic scene is one wherein the players achieve a certain level of emotional release (catharsis) from the giving and receiving of pain and sharing in a power exchange dynamic. Often times, this will involve pushing against boundaries and soft or hard limits provided that fully informed consent has been given beforehand. Not all scenes in BDSM play are necessarily cathartic. Some scenes are for performative purposes, some scenes are purely for the ethos of pain play, and other scenes are for nurturing or role-play scenarios, just to name a few. The distinction of a cathartic scene can be made in that the play often (but not always) is of a more heavy or intense nature. The end goal is to inspire some sort of emotional expression on the part of the players, which can be anything from crying to screaming and beyond. Everyone is different and therefore no two scenes are completely alike. There are, however, many common intentions behind the execution of a cathartic scene.

Why Do People Do Cathartic Scenes?

The purposes and methods of a cathartic scene will vary from player to player but there is a great deal of overlap to be noted. Often times, those engaging in a cathartic scene have experienced some sort of trauma and, in playing with the intention of achieving a catharsis, can use BDSM play to process their emotions in a controlled environment. For example, if an individual has recently experienced a loss in their life, the tools of BDSM play can allow them to grieve in a manner that is both outside of conventional methods and also tailored to their specific needs. Cathartic scenes are not the one and only means by which one can achieve an emotional release of course. Participating in a cathartic scene is simply another way for those who are inclined towards a BDSM lifestyle to deal with pent up emotional energy that could otherwise manifest negatively elsewhere in their lives.

How Can I Negotiate a Cathartic Scene?

There is no right or wrong way to do a cathartic scene; however, there are some key elements to which attention and care should be paid. Because of the nature of handling trauma and grief, it is important that the emotions of those involved are handled delicately. Engaging in a detailed negotiation prior to beginning the scene is crucial as is an understanding of potential triggers and how far is “too far”. It would be irresponsible to go ahead with a scene if the potential for emotional damage is greater than that of emotional release. Make sure that all parties involved are truly ready to process their emotions in such an intense manner. Confirm safewords first and watch for signs of distress during a scene in case it is necessary for anyone involved to stop the scene and go straight to aftercare. An incredibly important part of culminating a cathartic scene is the attention paid during aftercare. For example, if your submissive is crying and in a highly emotional state, it is your responsibility to comfort and reassure them. To put someone through the paces of a cathartic scene and then leave them in a vulnerable state without any aftercare is negligent. Players, be sure to care for one another, especially within the context of a cathartic scene. The fragile vulnerability inspired by heavy play and pushing boundaries is not to be taken lightly. When done improperly, a cathartic scene has the potential to be damaging. However, when care is taken to see that the scene is done right, beneficial and liberating emotional release can be achieved.

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.

BDSM Basics: Scene Negotiation

By 4 Comments

Playing Out Loud

One of the most rewarding and fun aspects of BDSM is that of power exchange. Giving and receiving that degree of trust and vulnerability is sacred and the responsibilities that comes along with this exchange are not to be taken lightly. You may have witnessed scenes before where it would seem as if words are wholly unnecessary or that the players just know each other on such an intimate level that there would be no need for any form of “check in”, safeword, etc. Though it’s nice to idealize such play, it is little more than a fantasy. There is so much more than what meets the eye including what goes on before and behind each scene as well as what happens during and even after.

Communication is key in BDSM play. It is essential to conduct a thorough and thoughtful negotiation prior to play, to keep an open dialogue during play to indicate a “go ahead”, “ease up”, or use of a safeword when necessary to call the end of a scene, and a debriefing combined with some form of aftercare at the end. Going through with a kink scene without the aforementioned forms of communication in place can be at a great detriment to all parties involved. The fact is that no one is a mind reader and if you and your play partner(s) can’t share openly with each other when something is right, wrong, sticky, fun, uncomfortable, arousing, etc., then you may want to reevaluate your playtime.

Words spoken aloud aren’t necessarily the only way, though. Sometimes there are gags or other accouterments involved in a scene that would otherwise obstruct one player from speaking clearly. There are many different methods by which scene participants may communicate with one another, but it all starts at the very beginning.

Negotiation Beforehand

Prior to the start of a scene, it is prudent for play partners to discuss what is about to take place. Going over hard limits and soft limits is especially important in order to avoid any potential mishaps. Agreeing on a safeword or some sort of symbol to call the scene’s end is a great way to ensure the safety of all players involved. There are a variety of “Yes/No/Maybe” lists available online for free, which, if you’re just starting out or playing with a new partner(s) can be helpful to get the ball rolling on the conversation of interests and limits. If you’re not sure about something, ask. Always. If you’re curious to try a new type of play, make it clear that it is something you’ve never done before and make sure that you have a full understanding of what it entails. Further, and this can’t be overstated, clarify any kind of medical, physical, mental, or emotional limitations you might have. You might not know what could trigger you during a scene, so it’s best to keep aware just in case and know how to end a scene if something does not feel right.

Communicating During Play

The most standard safewords mimic that of a stoplight. Red means stop, yellow is slow down, and green is go on or go harder. Again, safewords come in all shapes, sizes, and forms so it is important that all players involved understand what the safewords mean specifically. If any accessories are used that would obstruct a player from speaking aloud, doing something like a hand squeeze or foot stomp is also an excellent nonverbal cue to signify your level of comfort. There is always an inherent risk in BDSM play. After all, it creates a headspace of emotional and physical vulnerability. As stated above, you may not know if or how something – especially a type of play that is new to you – might trigger a negative reaction. This is why communication between all players is so vital. It’s not just for the submissive to say “stop”, “slow”, or “go ahead”, but the onus is also on the dominant to check in with their submissive and make sure that the scene is progressing in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. It can be something a simple as meeting each other’s gaze and nodding. It really just depends on what has been agreed upon beforehand.

Aftercare

When the play of a kink scene is over and done with, it’s not quite over just yet. There is still a very important part of the BDSM dynamic to be addressed and that is aftercare. Aftercare is a perfect time to cool down, debrief, and discuss the scene prior, provided that all players involved have returned to a sort of baseline of headspace. It is an opportunity for players to suss out what worked, what didn’t, and what could be improved upon for next time. It is a chance to reset, refresh, and reconnect.

Communication may seem like a daunting chore, but the alternative will only reap negative results. Making sure that everyone involved in a BDSM scene is on the same page and in consensual agreement will make the play go that much smoother and that much more fun. It takes responsible and self-aware individuals to share so much of themselves with one another in the context of kink play, so take that responsibility with honor and care and, of course, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves!

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.