Joji Sada

Power Exchange Release Protocols

November 10, 2021 By Joji Sada Leave a Comment

power exchange couple with ribbon — via stock.adobe.com

In 1374, Geoffrey Chaucer wrote: “But at the laste, as every thing hath ende, She took hir leve, and nedes wolde wende.”

What that means, in modern English, is that “All good things must come to an end.”

It is an ideology where we, as humans, are fallible. We believe, naively, that when we enter a relationship (or a dynamic), it is a forever situation.

Most often, it is not.

It can be a great learning experience; but it is not always a forever. In fact, the ending of a dynamic teaches us coping skills and allow us to hone the ability to self-reflect. It can also teach us patience and understanding. It can even make us a better (or worse) of a person.

So, we are going to discuss what happens at the end.

First things first: Did you negotiate release protocols at the beginning of the relationship? Did you add them at any renegotiation point afterward?

Probably not.

Even Google, in all its infinite wisdom and resources, had 2 articles on release protocols.

Why?

Because we are optimistically naive.

Release protocols are essentially a structured outline of how to ease back into being a self-sustaining human being. Beyond issues like co-dependency, which is common, I want you to look at the very core of a dynamic. We become vulnerable. And we reshape who we are to make the dynamic work.

I feel the need to specify that any type of dynamic requires give and take. The amount of which is often dependent on the type of dynamic.

For example:

1) A dynamic that incorporates orgasm control has effectively trained an individual to respond to specific stimuli only. Most often, the submissive partner is required to ask for orgasm. This could be through verbal permission or a physical sign (such as a bell or snap of the fingers). Such training can take months of consistent, repetitive reinforcement to become effective.

So, what happens when the relationship ends? Will the submissive be left with an inability to orgasm ever again because the permission trigger (like the Dominant’s voice) is no longer available? How do you unlearn a conditioned response?

2) What about a long-term dynamic that involves a house sub or slave?

You both spent years working on your dynamic. You went from weekends only, to D/s, to 24/7 M/s. Now, your body, your finances, and your every decision belongs to someone else. It is a dream many of us have. But then you are looking at release. What is your plan? Where do you go? What next?

3) There is always a strong emphasis on routines in a Power Exchange dynamic. As the relationship progresses, everyday behaviors become both an expectation and a comfort. This is especially true for those of us with mental health struggles. I am one who is deeply unsettled when routines change, or life happens. I need the consistency to be at my best, as both a submissive and as a functioning adult.

4) Unexpected death is another thing to consider. My mother ran the household with her wife. She managed the money, social responsibilities, household chores, grocery shopping, managed passwords, banking responsibilities (like the mortgage, safe deposit box, car payment, etc), and familial expectations (such as remembering birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc). When she died, her wife was left floundering. She had no idea where to even begin, especially since she had limited computer skills. This confusion and headache could have been avoided if there had been a reference book or instructions (such as a list of passwords, bill addresses, or monthly budget) left for her.

As the dynamic is built, those involved find what works best to cement their connection. This could be centering, maintenance spankings, and/or frequent scenes. It is any reoccurring behavior used to cope and reconnect.

Now, you face the stress of the unknown without other coping mechanisms in place. How do you replace this form of coping? Who do you ask for help? Who becomes your safe place? What happens next?

I do want to stress the fact that the ending of a dynamic is not always a bad thing. Sometimes you simply outgrow each other and are no longer compatible. Sometimes it is mutual and sometimes it is not.

Either way, you now must reevaluate your life and figure out how to replace the structure, and accountability, from another person with something you build yourself.

So, what should you ask for?

As always, it is a personal preference. Every person will have different needs and different amounts of resiliency. I do, however, believe there are a few courtesies that should be extended.

Transitional Period: Essentially, each person needs to learn to rely on themselves and live alone again. This may include continuing to live together, but in separate bedrooms. It could be moving to a roommate style situation. It could also involve living apart and meeting up periodically for a set amount of time until everything is resolved and both parties are secure in their surroundings.
Time: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your dynamic and your partner. There will be an underlying desire to throw yourself into kink (sometimes unsafely) and bury the feelings of loss. Power Exchange dynamics require a vast amount of trust and vulnerability. Give yourself permission to reflect on the dynamic, the positives and negatives, and allow yourself to find closure
Self-Reflection: Always remember that it takes two people to actively participate in a dynamic. Reflect on your own behavior at the same time you reflect on theirs. Recognize the good and the bad within the relationship. Understand that incompatibility can simply mean you have grown in different directions. Reevaluate your boundaries, limits, needs, and wants.
Safe Place/ Safety Person: While I do not advocate for bashing a partner, current or ex, I do recommend having somewhere you feel safe that you can escape to or having a person you feel safe talking to. A person who will keep your secrets, listen without judgement, and tell you the truth, even when it hurts.
Plan for Gear: The allocation of gear and toys may not seem extremely important at the heart of a break-up, but it is important to address.
- A collar, for example, is highly treasured by the subs who have them. But, by traditional values, the collar belongs to the Dominant and should be returned to His care. By the same token, a collar is often created or purchased specifically for their submissive. It should be discussed on what will happen after the dynamic. I, for one, would be heartbroken to see Master’s collar on another sub’s neck, when it once adorned mine.
- Toys that consistently come in contact with bodily fluids (i.e. cum, blood, urine, saliva, or anal secretions) are another area that should be discussed. Most items can be disinfected and are safe to use on more than one person. Silicone is a great material that is easily cleanable. In comparison, wood tends to absorb the fluids it encounters, unless properly sealed. In my own dynamic, any toy that has my blood on it, or is used in my ass, is mine. It does not get used on anyone else. Should our dynamic end, those toys will either be disposed of or remain with me.
- Role-specific adornments: items like slave bracelets/chains, wrist/ankle cuffs, leashes, roleplay clothing, or gifts of a similar vein. Depending on your dynamic, these items may fall under the same expectations as a collar and be expected to be returned to the Dominant.
Have Practical Expectations: Be realistic about setting a timeline for moving on. Set goals for where you want to go and when. Set a budget. Look for resources offered to those on hard times (things such as food or housing assistance, job placement, etc). Allow yourself a grace period for adjustment. Forgive yourself if things take longer than expected. You are human. You are allowed to struggle.

Regardless of when you discuss release protocols, it is never easy. It is important to remember that it is always better to be prepared, than left behind.

My name is Joji. I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42. I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling. I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay. I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning. I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan. I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education). It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement. We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Types Of Power Exchange Dynamics

November 4, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

sexy Domme with whip — via stock.adobe.com

I have been known to argue definitions a time or two. I ascribe to the traditional (often referred to as Old Guard) views. However, I am realistic and recognize that as the community grows, becomes more mainstream, and evolves, I am going to meet people who disagree with me.

I love it. I thrive on the intellectual debates and wider viewpoints that other people’s experiences have shaped.

That said, I have been in a debate for near a week now that I thought would interest you. Going forward, I will be discussing types of play that are extremely sensitive in nature and may be triggering to some individuals. Please proceed at your own risk.

The debate started because I was curious about several terms that are commonly used interchangeably. Consensual non-consent, 24/7, Total Power Exchange, and Total Authority Exchange are the terms we will be exploring.

I will revisit my thoughts on these after we lay some groundwork.

Let’s start with the basics: definitions.

Power Exchange: A dynamic between two (or more) individuals in which one (or some) take control of decisions and one (or some) give up control. These dynamics can be romantic, sexual, business like, mental, or even spiritual in nature. Outside of the exchange of control, each is unique to the persons involved.

24/7: This is a PE dynamic that is in effect at all times, even when the Dominant and submissive are not together (i.e. at work, running errands, etc).

It is extremely common for 24/7 to be used interchangeably with Total Power Exchange (TPE).
24/7 is also commonly associated with High Protocol dynamics and the idea of a live-in slave.

While these are both viable examples of 24/7, the actual definition simply means the dynamic is “all the time.” It can be Daddy Dom/little girl, Master/slave, soft/hard Dom/submissive, Sadist/masochist, Handler/pet, and so forth.

Total Power Exchange: A TPE is a dynamic where the submissive has given up all decision-making abilities to the Dominant.

Most often, a TPE is generally used to refer to an M/s dynamic. This is especially true with the online educational communities.
There are debates that those in a TPE dynamic are only “real” if they do not have limits beyond their Masters’, do not use a safeword, and do not work outside the home.
This is also often portrayed as a High Protocol only dynamic.

Total Authority Transfer: A TAT dynamic is one where it is consensually agreed that one person assumes authority and one person yields authority. “Total” signifies that it is a transfer of complete, or near-complete, authority. Although this could be for a predetermined time or indefinite, a “total authority transfer relationship” implies that it is ongoing until consent is withdrawn.

This is a term I was less familiar with and had to research its inherent difference from a TPE. I found the above definition to be the most concise. It was found in the BDSM glossary on Fetlife.
At first read, the two terms do seem very similar. Through research, the difference is the equality of power kept by each person involved. A TPE is a D/s or M/s dynamic where someone gives up their power to make their own decisions. A TAT is an agreement between two individuals where one yields to another’s decisions while still retaining the ability to make opposing decisions if they choose to.
An example of this is what I have with my wife vs. Master. Master makes all the decisions in our relationship. We have a TPE. However, my wife and I have a different relationship.
One example is with money. She has her own money and the power to spend it as she pleases. She is an adult. Through mutual agreement, however, I keep the money in my account, give her an allotment, and approve all non-necessary purchases. She has given me this right because she can be impulsive with money. Another example is medical decisions. She has the right to make her own appointments and keep track of her own meds. She has given me the rights to those decisions for her safety and due to prior trauma, which tends to impede her ability to initiate self-care. She can withdraw the consent at any time and in this, there is no punishment when her decisions do not align with mine. It revolves heavily around communication, understanding, and the ability to explain why I have made the decisions I have made when she does not understand them.
Non-consensual Consent (NonCon/CNC): According to the BDSM Glossary on Fetlife.com, CNC is a “mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a Safeword or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned.”
That is a fancy way of saying “do what you want as long as I haven’t used my safeword and nobody is gravely injured.” At least, that’s how I read it. Essentially, CNC is any play that is not pre-negotiated and involves the illusion of non-consent.
CNC is often tied to edge play. Knife play, gun play, kidnapping roleplay, rape roleplay, race play, home invasion roleplay, medical play and other type of play that has an element of resistance, coercion, or fear. For reactions to be more genuine, most of the scene may be left undiscussed.
CNC in no way means that they do not have the right to Safeword at any time. As with any type of scene, anyone involved has the right to withdraw consent at any point before or during play. You also have the right to refuse aftercare, even if it was previously negotiated.
Personally, I also add the term Dubious Consent (Dubcon). It involves coercion, blackmail, and/or abuse of power roleplay. It could be as simple as pursuing someone consistently, after they have said no, until they give in to your wants. I have this listed because it can be included in some fantasy play. Things like Headmaster/student, Boss/secretary, or Head of Household (HoH)/maid.

That was quite a few definitions we just went through. I am going to give you a moment to breathe now.

Alright, time’s up.

Let’s get into the juicy part of this: the drama

For those of you who haven’t read my articles before, here is some background information. Master and I have been in a TPE for four years, He has collared me, and He has blanket consent from me. Blanket consent means that he can do as he pleases without prior consent, negotiation, or discussion with me. Unless I safeword, he has free reign. I do not claim to be up for anything. There are a minimal number of items on my hard limit list. These hard limits are ones that Master shares. I do not have a soft limit list. If Master chooses to try something, we are going to try it.

Blanket consent, by definition, depicts a CNC mindset. Therefore, I have been told that my relationship is CNC/TPE by several members of a “Traditional BDSM” group I am in. That was the first time I had seen those terms used interchangeably.

**On a side note, the “TNG” group told me the terms were different but that my dynamic was invalid because I do not negotiate nor do I safeword (even if I technically have one). But that’s a different story**

From there, I became extremely curious if this mixing of definitions was common. So, I started asking questions since the varying groups had members from across the United States and extending around the world.

There was a quick divide in opinions. The minority agreed with the statement above; CNC/TPE are the same. But the wider majority disagreed, loudly. The resounding opinion was that CNC applies only to scenes and not to the structure of a dynamic.

Which, honestly, surprised me.

There has always been an underlying teaching (especially in the last ten years or so) that BDSM is unique to each relationship. How it is defined, structured, and lived is up to those involved.

So, why does there continue to be the argument of definition?

It comes down to our experiences. All the definitions I have listed are different. 24/7 is a broad, umbrella term that separates part-time dynamics (weekend, bedroom only, pick-up play, or business transaction—pay for play) from full-time dynamics. The consensus seems to be that 24/7 dynamics must be a live-in dynamic. I do not have as strict a belief of that because there are times I am gone for weeks for work. Master’s rules do not change when I am gone. I work as a service to Him, to help our household thrive. My absence from the house, when necessary, does not put our dynamic on hold.

I was trained in the era listed above, under TPE. “[t]hat those in a TPE dynamic are only “real” if they do not have limits beyond their Masters’, do not use a safeword, are always in High Protocol, and do not work outside the home.” I have learned with Master that the defining factor of our dynamic is the submission to His will. That means that our TPE is not diminished because He requires a safeword. His power does not end when I go to work. The amount of protocol, at any time, is His choice, not mine. Trying to conform to the definitions of the masses undermines His authority. Above all, His word matters most.

By the definition, and examples, I have provided, CNC is typically scene related. I typically consider it an addition to our dynamic because of the blanket consent. If Master wants to lend me out to others, sexually or otherwise, that is his prerogative. If he wishes to enact a CNC style scene, it does not end until He is ready for it to conclude. It is my own thoughts on what submission means that drives these commitments to Him.

Each time these arguments happen, I can see the passion in their own beliefs. I can see the experiences laid bare for all to see. I can see the pain of their failures, the triumph in their growth, the confusion and reflection as they learned about themselves, and I can see their commitment to their lifestyle path.

No one experiences any of that the same way and our experiences create our definitions.

More than likely, the debate on these terms will continue to be a point of contention. The longer we have been involved in the lifestyle, the more rigid our definitions seem to be. But everyday more and more people discover the world of BDSM. With their enthusiasm, they bring their own experiences. With time, they will bring growth and evolution to the traditions we live by. If we fail to balance our traditions and our growth, we risk staying stagnate and losing our lifestyle through exclusivity.

I do not pretend to speak for anyone but myself. I am going to continue to get into discussions, and arguments, with others so I can learn. Master helps me grow in my submission and in my ability to self-reflect. My community (which extends across the world because of the internet) helps me expand my definitions, my thoughts, and, most importantly, my experiences.

Temperature Play vs. Chemical Play

October 27, 2021 By Joji Sada 3 Comments

two sexy submissives in gas masks — via stock.adobe.com

More than once, I have talked about definitions. I have learned over the years that compatible definitions prevent miscommunication.

It wasn’t until recently that I came to understand my definition of temperature play was not the same as the broader community. To me, temperature play is any type of play that brings intentional hot or cold sensation to the skin. In my experiences with temperature play, I have had wax, ice, anbesol, capsaicin cream, and icy hot used.

For perspective, I need to express how sensitive my skin is. I have three conditions that affect me the most.

Cold Urticaria is an allergy to cold. It causes intense itchiness, hives, and swelling of the skin that was exposed. A cold glass (such as a drink with ice in it) can cause my hands to swell if held for more than 2 or 3 minutes.

Cholinergic Urticaria is an allergy to heat. It causes intense itchiness and hives. I rarely swell from the heat, but it happens occasionally. I wear driving gloves in the summer to allow me to touch my steering wheel to drive to work. A hot cup of cocoa or a hot plate of dinner are often too much to touch my bare skin.

Dermatographia (Skin writing disease) is a sensitivity of the skin that causes any kind of surface scratch (meaning no skin is broken) to turn into welts or hives. Something as simple as nails across my skin can welt for a couple of hours and look like I was in a fight.

All three of these are treated with antihistamines like Benadryl. I am allergic to those.

As I am sure you can imagine, my kink looks different than yours. I know which sensations affect me more than others and Master will decide how we play depending on the condition of my body at the time. Ice is the hardest for me to play with. So, we do not often use it. Cold is the second hardest since it takes me hours to warm back up. We play with that more often (such as having the playroom cooled with a fan or AC). It tends to intensify the sensations of impact without cold implements touching my skin.

Now that I have expressed how sensitive my skin is, let me explain that I am allergic to most chemicals. I have a specific body soap, shampoo, and laundry detergent I can use. I often break into hives just by touching everyday objects that have minimal residue from other people.

If you can hear the frustrations of testing the waters of temperature play over the years, then I am sure you are snickering at my misfortune. Now, we simply shrug off the physical representations (like hives) and Master pays more attention to my body language and verbal communication.

Whew.

That was a lot of physical limitations to cover, wasn’t it? Are you wondering how I function? Don’t worry, some days I do too.

Master and I enjoy pushing ourselves. Which, in turn, means people believe we play risky. If you watch us scene, I often finish with excessive welting. I refuse to allow my skin to prevent my ability to explore different types of play.

So, back to where this conversation started.

Temperature play.

Since my skin has such unique reactions to everyday items, I have always counted temperature play as anything that affects my skin. Things like icy hot, which burn me, fall under “hot” sensations. Things like anbesol, which can turn your nerve endings to ice when combines with a fan, fall under “cold” sensations.

I got into a debate with someone about my definitions. “Because,” they said, “you are advocating for chemical play, not temperature play.”

Well, I had honestly never thought about it.

But I had to ask myself one major question, “does definition matter?”

Between Master and I, this new categorization did not matter. Why? Because He and I are aware of my medical issues, and we adjust accordingly. I am physically affected by both chemical and natural compounds. So, what we call it isn’t that important as long as we play safely.

However, my definition does matter in regard to the education I provide to the local community. Temperature play and chemical play has different safety measures that should be considered.

So, I am going to share with you some of the differences I have learned.

Firstly, both types of play fall under an umbrella term: Sensation Play.

Sensation play is basically any type of play that is intentionally meant to push the sensory limits of an individual. This can include soft touches (like feathers), hot and cold sensations (such as the use of fire, ice, or wax), sharp touches (like pinwheels or needles), varying textures (like sandpaper), or the removal of one sensation to enhance other sensations (such as blindfolds or noise cancelling headphones).

If we are being honest, I would say 75% of play can fall under this umbrella. So, the key is that Sensation Play is about intent.

Then we have Temperature and Chemical play.

Temperature play is the use of naturally occurring items (like ice) that cause the body temperature to rise or fall. This can be an entire body experience (such as playing outside in inclement weather) or localized to singular spots on the body.

It has been specified to me, by a couple of people, that I am no longer allowed to consider urine/water sports as temperature play. It, apparently, requires its own negotiation and classification.

It is generally expected that the temperature changes need to happen on bare skin, but I am not opposed to the idea that playing naked in 20-degree weather or playing fully dressed in a sweat suit in the summer, falls under this category.

**Please beware of the hazards of heat stroke and/or hypothermia if attempting the aforementioned ideas**

For the following discussion, please understand that I do not advocate the attempt of this type of play, nor do I advocate the use of any of the chemicals listed, on anyone beyond myself. I use the acronym P.R.I.C.K (Personal Risk, Informed Consensual Kink). You are all adults. What you do with your partner and/or with your body is your responsibility.

Chemical Play is the use of chemicals to produce a specific reaction or sensation on the body. The most common items are tabasco, icy hot, rubbing alcohol, peppermint/spearmint, and ginger.

The most fascinating aspect, to me, is that many of these items fall under more than one type of play.

Rubbing alcohol, for example, can be lit (by either a source of fire or electricity) and now you may be taking part in fire and/or electrical play.
Ginger oil would fall under chemical play due to its reactions with the excretions of the body. But ginger root, which causes similar reactions, falls under food play.
Tabasco creates a similar burning that icy hot does. However, because it is edible, it also falls under food play.
Peppermint/Spearmint can cause cooling, burning, or numbing sensations. They can increase sensitivity in the mouth and genitals. The sensation can come from chemical sources (such as mouthwash), natural food items (such as mints, gum, candy), or artificial chemical means (such as anbesol—which does not taste like peppermint but creates the same sensations).
By definition, wax is also a type of chemical play. However, it is generally considered its own entity.

*Regardless of the type of chemical play you may decide to play in, I recommend testing your reaction on a small, generally non-sensitive patch of skin first. The forearm or leg are a great place to start…before deciding to use it as lube.

Whether you want to delve into temperature play, chemical play, or any other type of play that crosses over, the most important advice I can give is to know your partner. Beyond their limits, know their reactions.

Master and I are aware that many of the items we use will cause a reaction on my skin. Hives are something that we most often just brush aside. He knows to look for a reaction like dizziness or excessive lethargy to signify a more substantial reaction that may need medical intervention.

However, if anyone else is on his table, and he sees hives or welts (beyond the expected results of the type of play), he will call the scene and move into aftercare/medical mode.

It is always important to include allergies when you negotiate. As I mentioned above, hives are often treated with medications like Benadryl. Benadryl, if given to me, causes seizures. I would rather deal with the hives and the itchiness than the seizures.

My restrictions make me extremely cautious regarding pick-up play. My style of negotiation (blanket consent) does not give me the personal freedom of experimenting with anyone outside of Master (or anyone Master chooses). These are my choices.

But, that does not mean you cannot experiment. If you have medical issues, you need to remember a couple important points.

Advocate for yourself. Do not compromise your health. Know your allergies, your reactions, your cures.
Medications taken and allergies (to medication or otherwise) should always be disclosed to your partner.
Keep your emergency contact information within reach. On the off chance that you become non-responsive, your play partner should know who to contact, whether 911 is necessary or not.
Respect the preferences of your potential partner. If they do not feel comfortable having a scene with someone with medical restrictions, respect that. Patience is difficult, but your safety is worth it.
Allow yourself to work within your limits for pick-up play. I recommend pushing limits with a more permanent partner or one intimately familiar with your restrictions.

And, above all, know your partner’s definitions.

Erotica: The Center Of The Circus

September 29, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

sexy Domme playing with fire — via stock.adobe.com

I am a quiet and well-behaved slave. This is especially true in public. I do not speak beyond what is required of me as a hostess or unless directly addressed. I stay as close to Master’s side as possible while still fulfilling the tasks he has set forth when we have guests. I work to negotiate for Master when newer individuals get on the table, clean up between bottoms (and after the festivities), and I make sure Master is fed and hydrated. I monitor the unattached bottoms who visit, and I have my own gaggle of littles that I babysit.

While I am often busy keeping everything running smoothly, Master is often busy introducing individuals to electroplay.

To say we rarely get play time at a public event is an understatement. And when we do, it is reserved for the end of the night. Considering how much Sadomasochism is in our play, there are two factors we must consider.

Factor number one is Master’s energy level. He plays with twenty to thirty people prior to me. While more than half of the scenes are under 15 minutes, the up and down of the endorphins and adrenaline wears Him down considerably.

Factor number two is how many people, at the party, are new. It seems like an odd thing to factor into our play, doesn’t it? Theoretically, the only people who matter in a scene are the participants. But, in the real world, that is not the case.

We play rough. We play heavy. I have yet to safeword. And it scares people.

So, if we do scene, it is always at the end of the night, when most of the new people have left.

We play late to protect ourselves.

But, when we do, we become the center of our own circus.

Master thrives on the crowd. It is as though he absorbs the energy put out by them and channels it into his implements. I am sure I have seen his eyes glow from that same energy.

So, sit back, boys and girls, and let me tell you the story of a Sadistic Ringmaster.

I have been watching you for hours Sir. Over and over, men and women willingly put themselves on your table and cross. I watch your eyes light up with pleasure and the sinister smile slowly take over. Your creativity is beyond bounds. I have yet to see the same scene twice, even with tastings.

I never know quite what to expect. We have never played in public before Sir and my nerves are getting the best of me. You’ve told me that it was my choice to play or not. I know you want me up there, but I also know you will stand by your word.

It has taken most of the night, but I am ready to do this.

I can hear the shouts of the one in front of me. He is a masochist that I have seen you play with him before. He likes it hard and fast. I can tell, even from here, that he will have welts for a couple of days. I find it amusing when he climbs the cross. For being cuffed, he is quite flexible.

I wait until you have stepped away and the cross is empty. I see you cleaning everything you used. My stomach is in my throat, and I am struggling to find my voice.

I silently move to cross, standing slightly behind you to your left. I wait patiently for you to acknowledge me. It takes a few minutes. I wonder briefly if you have left me waiting on purpose, just to fuck with me.

“Hello, sweetie.”

“Hi Sir.”

“Is everything alright?” You turn to face me completely. Your hand rests on my shoulder and you give it a soft squeeze.

“Yes, Sir.” Deep Breath. “Will you flog me on the cross?” My insides are shaking. Why is it so hard to do this in public?

You raise an eyebrow. Without hesitation, you tell me to step up to the cross. I stand there for a minute, waiting. I see you grab the first toy and I get a very wicked idea.

“Are you ready?” You ask.

“Don’t you want to tie me up Sir?”

I see you smile. The game has begun.

My shoulders are tense. This is very new to me. Here I am, cuffed to the cross, in just my panties, waiting for what will happen next.

This is the easy part. I know better than to look. I won’t know the implement until you use it. How many do you think I can guess right?

Your body presses against my back. Your hand curves around my neck, but no pressure is applied. “Are you ready?”

Deep, shuddering breath. “Yes, Sir.”

“Safe word?”

“Red for stop. Yellow for check-in.”

“Good girl.”

With that, you step back. My body shivers in anticipation.

The first strike of the flogger hurts. I must force my shoulders to relax. I know that the more tense I am, the more I could hurt myself.

My eyes close as you find your rhythm. There is a steady heat building under my skin. This isn’t so bad. If I keep my eyes closed, I can forget everyone else is there. I feel you pause every so often. Sometimes your hands touch my skin and sometimes you switch the implements. The floggers are steadily getting stingier.

The room has fallen silent. Or, at least, I cannot hear them anymore. There is only white noise in my ears now. My head feels like it is swimming. My eyelids are heavy. My mouth feels glued shut. Even at the increasing pain, I have no drive to stop you.

Then there is a long pause.

I rest my forehead to the cool wood of the cross. I steady my breathing and wait. I can hear the murmurs of the people again, but I find I care far less now than I did at the start.

I don’t know how long you left me waiting. Even with my eyes closed, I can feel your presence.

Then, you shocked me.

Without any warning, I felt a firm whack to my ass. It’s the paddle.

Fuck. I hate those.

My eyes pop open, and my hands wrap around the chains holding me in place. “Fuuhhck.”

I hear you laugh. It’s a dark and rich sound that cuts through the static.

Two.

Three.

Then you change it up again.

It’s always in threes.

I have lost count of the number of implements. This is far from the flogging I initially asked for. Then again, you have blanket consent to do as you please with this body. And you never cease to surprise me.

Somewhere in between the paddles, you check in with me. I know you expect me to be honest. My body feels warm and on fire. I feel invincible.

You ask me how I am doing.

I turn my head until our eyes meet. My answer shocks you. “Is that all you’ve got, Magick?” There is no Sir or Master. I am challenging your reputation.

Bring.

It.

On.

Master.

The gasp of the crowd cuts through the static. I hear a lone voice warning me not to say that. But it isn’t you.

Our eyes stay locked for several moments. You smile wide. I think I have provoked the Dragon.

Well, there is no turning back now.

I break the eye contact, turning back to the cross, dropping my head, and baring my neck.

What have I done?

The room is silent. I can feel the eyes of everyone on us. I think I have shocked them Sir.

Without warning, I feel something thin and stingy hit my ass. Ow. We just went from a 3 or 4 to a 7 on the pain scale. I breathe deep. This is what I asked for.

My eyes stay closed, and I scrunch up my face as I breathe through the pain. This is what I was looking for Sir. I wanted to see your Sadistic side. I wanted to trigger the same intensity you give the other masochists. I wanted you to use me without fear.

The strikes no longer come in threes, nor do they have the same rhythm. I can tell you are still in control, but you want me to feel each strike. Without a steady pattern, I cannot zone out. I cannot sink into the sweet oblivion of sub space.

And you know it.

I lose track of time so easily under your touch. I don’t know how long we have been at this. My legs are starting to feel weak. My ass feels as though it is on fire. The only thing holding me up at this point is the tight grip I have on the chains.

I am not ready for this to end. I refuse to give after I issued a challenge.

I finally hear your voice, soft and gruff in my ear. “How are you holding up?”

“Good, Sir.”

Your hand rests on the back of my neck. It feels hot.

You step away and I mewl at the loss.

One.

That one takes my breath away. It was solid enough that I felt my body would go through the wall with the force.

Two.

Jesus Christ that hurt. Whatever that was has me nearly biting through my tongue.

Three. I have finally climbed the cross. This is the devil. I cannot feel the back of my thighs anymore. What on Earth did you use, Sir?

My body sags. I grit my teeth and lean against the wood. I am near my breaking point. But I do not want to stop Sir. I want you to know I can take anything you are willing to give. I cannot stop this. I won’t.

I feel you against my back again. Your body is solid as you pull me against you. My head drops back onto your shoulder. Your hands wrap around my torso and climb up to my nipples. Your fingers tweak them, tugging and pulling. All I can do is gasp. There is so much pain on my backside and the combination of pain and pleasure from my nipples is going to drop me right here. You tug them upward and bring me to my tip toes.

“You look so pretty when you climb the cross.”

I let out a soft gwaff. I don’t even have the energy to laugh right now.

You let go of my nipples and your arms holds my waist to keep me upright. “How are you pet?”

“I…I” Deep breath. “I…am good Sir.” I exhale loudly. “May I have some water before we continue?”

“Let’s get you down pet and then I will get you some water.”

“No, Sir. Please. We can continue.”

“Shh. You have done well pet.” I hear you ask someone to help undo the restraints.

Once my arms are free, they drop heavily to my side. I turn around in your embrace and rest my head on your chest. I feel very floaty Sir, almost drunk.

And very sore.

All I can think is Thank you, Master. That was one hell of a ride.

That was the first of many public play sessions. When he finished checking on me, I can proudly tell you that I not only walked away from the cross on my own two feet, I went back to hosting duties after. I was on a high for several days. It also brought about one of the longest (and lowest) sub drops I had ever experienced.

I asked what those last three toys were. The thick one that thudded (and felt like I would go through the floor) was a length of a fire hose. For future reference, it has physically knocked me off a spanking bench and has quite the power behind it.

The second toy (the sting that made me curse very loudly) was a length of weather stripping. It is very, very painful. It leaves wonderful marks.

The last (which made me climb the cross) is a serpentine belt. It is my favorite toy (and has been since that day). I learned during that session that the belt corners should be sanded down. We ended up drawing blood on my thigh and it left a mark for nearly three months. We honestly thought it would scar.

Please understand that our dynamic is a Total Power Exchange with blanket consent. While I asked for a flogging for this scene, he decided to push my limits. I wouldn’t change anything about this scene.

That includes challenging him.

No one else has the balls to do that. No one will go head-to-head with Master. That’s what makes me special. That is why I have the honor of wearing his collar. He says I keep surprising him.

As I said at the beginning, I am generally a quiet and well-behaved slave. But, when the lights come up and the Circus tents open, I get to challenge the Ringmaster at his own game.

And it keeps everyone coming back for more.

Adult Nursing Relationships

August 12, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

hot sexy Domme with whip, male submissive — via stock.adobe.com

For as long as I can remember, I have had an oral fixation. Initially, it started with chewing. I bit or chewed everything. I always assumed it was a stress response. As I got older, it developed into a love of sucking. I often used my own wrist or lollipops if I was outside my home. As I became more comfortable with it, I moved to using teething necklaces and pacifiers.

I find sucking comforting. It quiets my mind and help calms me emotionally. So, in times of stress or highly charged emotions, I use my mouth. When I entered a relationship with my wife, I just didn’t bring it up. I continued as I had for most of my life, by self-soothing.

What you may not know about me is that I used to write fanfiction. I do, in fact, still read it to this day. Somewhere in one of the stories, I was introduced to Adult Nursing Relationships (ANRs).

So, what is it?

It has several different names that can be used interchangeably. However, I do think the way someone refers to an ANR, reflects their interest in it.

Traditionally, ANRs are typically seen as pertaining to heterosexual couples, since this most often occurs after childbirth. ANRs are not specific to any particular sexuality, gender, or relationship type (such as a Domestic Discipline, 1950’s, Caregiver/little, or D/s dynamic).

The relationship aspect to ANR simply means there is some kind of underlying connection between the individuals. It does not need to be a romantic or long-term relationship, although often times they are. ANRs do not need to be sexual either. The main attraction of breast feeding is often about bonding, close skin-to-skin contact, or the feelings of nurture from either suckling or being suckled.

So, let’s get into some definitions now that we know the background information.

Adult Nursing– It is simply a person who drinks the milk of another.

-Medically, drinking a woman’s milk was done to alleviate the pain of swollen breasts, whether from a lack of natural expression or just an overabundance of production.

Erotic Lactation– sexual arousal from drinking a woman’s breastmilk. Lactophilia and Milk Fetishism are also terms that refer to this kind of sexual excitement (though they are mostly used in the field of psychiatry and listed in the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV). Hucows (or Human Cows) also fall under erotic lactation but are more of a sexual fetish that involves animal play and milking.

ANRs can be romantic relationships, sexual relationships, emotional relationships, roleplay, or any combination thereof.

There is also a phenomenon called dry suckling. Dry suckling is the suckling (or gentle application of sucking and licking) without milk production.

This is the one I enjoy. My wife did not enjoy breastfeeding nor having her breasts swollen with milk. When she stopped producing, she swore to never do so again. While there are ways to induce milk production, we have chosen to not take those steps. I find it emotionally soothing.

Adult Nursing Relationships tend to develop one of two ways. The first is natural development (or curiosity) after childbirth, in which your partner is naturally producing breastmilk. The second is through arduous negotiation, upkeep, and effort.

The reason I call the second one arduous is because inducing lactation is not an easy process. It requires constant suckling and stimulation to upkeep, even after milk production occurs. That said, it is said to be extremely fulfilling.

It should also be noted that some women struggle with or are incapable of producing breastmilk. Some of the medical conditions can include hypoplasia of the breast, lactation insufficiency, insufficient milk syndrome, agalactia, agalactorrhea, hypogalactia or hypogalactorrhe.

Even if you have not been diagnosed with any of these conditions, I always recommend seeing your primary care doctor for advice on inducing milk production, maintaining the supply, or how to cope with any struggles you may be having.

If you were to google it, there are hundreds of homeopathic remedies that say they can initiate or increase your milk supply. Since I do not have a medical degree, I refuse to offer up advice on those types of remedies or the possibilities of failure or success by using them.

Lactation can be incorporated into a relationship beyond suckling. In a D/s or M/s dynamic, it can give the D-type more control over their s-type’s body.

The ability of when or where the s-type can (or cannot) express their milk.
Keeping an s-type bound to a schedule
Breasts swollen with milk are more sensitive and can be incorporated with impact play for both pleasure and punishment (with care).
Milk can be shared with guests at the D-type’s discretion (and with negotiated consent).
If you push down on the breast (specifically at the point where the corner of the lips touch the skin) it breaks the suction. If done repeatedly, I consider it to be quite Sadistic.

*If it is the D-type who is lactating, the withholding of the ability to suckle can be used as a form of punishment or as a conduit to teach patience and self-control

Honestly, the possibilities are endless. The incorporation of certain types of play, such as needle play and/or piercings (play or permanent) should be assessed on a case-by-case basis to prevent too much trauma to the breast tissue, which could impact milk flow.

As mentioned earlier, ANRs can be enjoyed by any sexuality and gender. Biologically, men do not naturally produce breastmilk (except in a couple rare phenomenon in which the hormone prolactin becomes present in their body). However, there are ways that things can be adjusted to allow them to be the “producer.” The use of a nursing bra and a bottle of milk (or another liquid of choice) can mimic the natural process. Holding a partner and having them drink straight from a bottle can still give the same bonding experience while compensating for the inability to produce from the breast. Tubing can also be used to slow feed liquids. You can place the tubing near the nipple and have the individual suckle the nipple and the tubing at the same time. Please note that this needs to be done carefully and can be both messy and a choking hazard if done incorrectly.

Overall, Adult Nursing Relationships are what you make them. They can be sexual if that is what you wish. They can be about bonding and being emotionally connected to a partner. They can involve milk production or not (although the latter is considered a controversial idea).

For me, the most important part is the suckling. It brings me comfort and peace of mind. It soothes my frazzled nerves and calms me. I prefer to suckle at her breast, but I have learned to adjust to the wrist or inner elbow as needed (since her nipples tend to be the most erogenous part of her body). However you wish to look at it, ANRs are about connection. Whatever your connection looks like, as long as it is consensual, let your imagination be your guide.

Erotica: The Public Meets The Monster

August 5, 2021 By Joji Sada 6 Comments

sexy male Dom with leather whip — via stock.adobe.com

*** All works of erotica are fictional and we NEVER condone anything that is not safe and consensual

It has been so long since I have slept in front of the fire. You were even kind enough to give me a cushioned mat to curl up on. My body shivers lightly. I turn over so my back faces the flames. It is odd that the fire is still going. Did you stoke it throughout the night Sir? I hope you were still able to get some sleep without worrying over me.

It is odd being out here Sir. Normally, I lay at the foot of your bed. I know your routine. I know to move from my spot only once you are stirring awake. You like your coffee right after you wake. I prepare your shower and lay out your clothes.

But, out here, your door is shut. I am not allowed to enter without permission. I have upset you so much these last few days. I do not wish to upset you further by not completing the morning routine. Yet, I do not wish to intentionally break a rule and enter your domain without permission.

You are so quiet with me Sir. Very little in the way of direction, and even less in the way of expectations. I have learned by watching. I have survived this long by watching, waiting, and anticipating.

I have made my decision Sir. If you wanted me to complete my morning routine, you would have left the door open. You may have even carried me into the room last night. But I think this is the start of the punishment. You told me that I needed to trust you and I needed to be honest with you. I have not been quick to do either.

So, you have left me on my own for the night. You have left me in the exact position I have demonstrated that I desire; alone.

I sit up on the cushion, pull my knees up to my chest, and stare blindly into the fire. I have never wanted to be alone Sir. I hope you know that. I just have learned it is the best way to protect myself. The more I scare people, and the more I make myself invisible, the happier they are to forget me.

It is the safer way.

I shake my head. I do not wish to dwell on the horrors today. You deserve my full attention Sir. I have let Maker influence too many of our interactions. I seek to push him from my mind, if only possible for today.

I know that I cannot kneel until you awake Master. I greatly dislike admitting such faults. Maybe, with time, I can correct the damage done to my body. For now, I think it would be best to reflect on my behavior. I have not been at my best, Sir.

I know my place. A good slave is invisible. They are silent (or soft spoken if addressed). You should never be able to hear me walk (or crawl) in or out of a room. You should never need to call me. I should always know when and where I should be (regardless of environment).

Yet, I have been very lax in my behaviors. I was trained better than this. I feel the reminders left on my body as harshly as you see them.

I sit up, keeping my back to the fire, and cross my legs. I take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and slowly release. My hands rest on my knees, palms facing upward. My back stays straight and my head is up, though my eyes are closed. I am in proper position to await you Sir, kneeling notwithstanding.

I do not know how long I have been sitting here Sir. But your touch to the top of my head startles me slightly. One day I will understand how you can walk so lightly in boots so heavy.

My eyes open and I lower my gaze down. I am determined to be perfect for you, Master.

I sense you walk around me, inspecting me. Once you sit down in your chair, I shift up onto my knees.

“There’s my good girl.”

My body grudgingly blushes. I do not feel like a good girl, and I am doing my best to not question you, even if only in my head.

“Eyes up pet.” Your voice is firm but quiet. I lift my eyes to yours. “When it is just us, I expect you to wait for me with your eyes up. I prefer eye contact. I can see what you are thinking, and hiding, much easier.”

I meet your eyes. This is difficult Sir. I am half expecting you to backhand me for such forward behavior. I am curious if you have set this rule previously or if this is specifically for me. Of course, it does not matter either way. You have ordered it; I shall obey it.

I see your arm move, but your hand is out of my eyeline. I keep my eyes locked on yours and suppress the tremble that threatens to overtake me. I can handle whatever you offer, Master. I will make sure you never doubt that.

I am startled slightly when I feel a tug on the ring of the collar around my neck. The thick leather gives me little room to resist as you pull me forward. My hands tighten on my knees, trying to stay upright and maintain the eye contact you have asked for.

“I have a gift for you.”

A gift? That is a surprise. I am sure my eyes reflect those thoughts as they widen in curiosity. With Maker, surprises meant pain. They meant a lot of blood and a lot of crying. But Master is much more kind. I am nervous but not fearful, yet.

You let the ring of the collar go. My body sways back into position.

Two snaps.

That means eyes down. I drop my eyes.

Your hands reach around, and I feel the lock of the leather being undone.

Deep breath. Trust. That’s what you said Master. I had to trust you. That means no panicking.

The collar slides off and my palms are turned up once more to catch it. I have never quite felt how heavy it is. Then again, this is the first time I remember being without one on, Sir.

Two snaps. Eyes up.

Thank the Gods I understand your silence, Sir.

I am staring at the soft, velvet bag in your hands. It is black with red lettering. I wonder briefly if that is a monogram to your unspoken name Master. Everyone has one. Some of us just don’t get to use them anymore.

You open the drawstring and I see a metal band pulled out. It is a new collar. I am slightly confused. Why the change Sir?

“Lay the leather across my knee and hold out your palms.” I do as you ask. “Meet my eyes.” As you wish Sir.

You lay the metal in my palms. I am surprised that it is lighter than the leather. Is that normal? It has no lock that I can feel. It also has no beginning or end. It seems to be a solid circle of metal.

I resist the urge to look down, or away, from you. You keep eye contact with silence. It weighs heavy between us, and I bite the inside of my cheek to stay silent. Have I told you how much silence scares me? I probably should.

It can’t have been more than a minute of silence Sir. Yet, when I felt the electricity dance across my palm as it races through the metal, I jump. I did not expect such an action.

“Do you feel that pet?” I nod. You have not granted permission yet to speak. “I have thought over your recent behavior. Should you disobey, punishment will be swift and merciless. You will curb your behavior. Do you understand me, pet?”

I nod.

Two snaps. Verbal answer it is. “Yes, Sir. I understand.”

You pluck the collar from my palms. I watch you unlock it with a special key before you place it around my neck. It is secured and I feel you place two fingers between the collar and my neck. Good to know I won’t die by suffocation, Sir.

“I will use this as needed.” I nod. I expected as much. “Now, we will deal with your impending punishment.” I am not surprised that I have a different punishment waiting for me. As much as I dislike it, I am thankful I do not need to wait much longer. I just want this behind us Sir. I want to start over. I can be good Master. I promise.

I could have only hoped that punishment would take place in your rooms. But, no, that would not have been enough. Crawling across the concrete is not even the hardest part, though it does leave my knees very tender. It is the eyes of the others watching me. You did not leash me, and my neck is bare enough to catch their attention. I hear a few snickers. They seem to recognize the collar and its purpose.

I think this place was built like a maze on purpose. I have lost count of the number of turns we have taken. All the hallways look identical. It probably doesn’t help that most of what I am seeing is the grey concrete of the floor and the heels of your boots.

We finally reach the destination. You step only a few feet into the room, though I follow dutifully.

“Kneel up.”

I comply. I take in the surroundings. From this angle, looking into the room, there is minimal furnishings. I see a large, wingback chair in the center of the wall, set slightly back than center. A large cross is bolted to the wall on the left. There were thick chains attached to the top of it.

I watch you stride forward to the chair. You sit down, your knees parting naturally.

Two snaps.

I crawl forward until I am right in front of you, the room forgotten. Your hand slides through my hair. “Turn around and remain kneeling.” I do so. I feel you tug my hair. It takes me a moment to realize you are braiding it. I assume you do not want it in your way. I can tell you are finished when I feel the braid bounce against my back after you’ve dropped it.

Your hand reaches around my face and tips my face back to see you. Your hand wraps around my throat, firm but without pressure. “You have committed three infractions against me pet.” I remain silent. Your hand slides from my neck and tips my face forward again. I start to face it down and your voice stops me. “Look forward pet.”

I do so and I see there is an audience. I swallow. This is not what I want.

“Tell them pet. Tell them how you have shamed yourself.”

I hesitate.

“Loud and clear pet. I will not repeat myself.”

Deep breath. “This girl did not truthfully answer Master regarding the state of her health. This girl lost her temper with Master as though she was his equal. This girl did not disclose her medical status to Master despite his order for complete honesty from his property.” It takes all I am to face down the crowd watching us. It had not quite sunk in until now how badly I fucked up.

I feel you rise. In just a couple steps you are standing between myself and the audience. “I can forgive a pet who forgets her place from time to time. It is my duty to teach you, and keep you, in your place. However, I do not forgive easily a slave who does not answer truthfully. You are my property. You do not get to decide what you will tell me. I expect the truth, at all times. Omission is lying.”

I have never heard you be so vocal Sir. I have upset you greatly. I do not like this. I want to apologize. I do not think it would matter at this point. My words mean nothing currently. Maybe by taking this, I will prove to you how I regret my actions.

“Bring the cage to the center of the room.”

I look around quickly, and spot it near the back, left corner of the room. I crawl over to it. It is large enough that I could fit inside. You have not given me leave to stand. I figure the only way I can do this is to drag it with me.

I crawl backwards from it, only a couple feet or so. I reach forward and hook my fingers in the bars. I pull it towards me. I was right Sir. It is heavy when I have no leverage to assist me. I move back a little more and pulled it to me again. Over and over, I repeat the process. Longer than I would have liked, I finally reach the center of the room where you are waiting.

I kneel next to the cage, facing you. I await your next instructions.

“Stand and present.” I do so, though much slower than I would have preferred. My legs are numb, but they are still supporting my weight. “Turn and face your audience.” I turn, and while I stay in position, my eyes drop to the floor. I know better than to make eye contact with any of the other Masters.

Deep breath.

I jumped slightly when my sight goes dark suddenly. I can hear snickering, but I cannot see them anymore. I have not decided it that is a good thing yet or not. I feel a warm breath near my ear. Lowly, you whisper, “You will learn to trust me slave. It will start when you cry for me.”

You stepped back.

“Bend forward over the cage, pet.” Cautiously, I do so. It is an uncomfortable height to bend properly. I feel your boot against my foot. “Spread.” You keep nudging my feet until the are spread just past my shoulders. It eases the pain on my hips and back. I think you are aware of that, even if the audience is not.

“You will hold yourself in position. You will accept what I give and thank me when I am finished. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master.” I made sure my voice was clear and easily heard.

The only warning I get is the whistle of the implement before it connects with my calf. It is the cane. I keep my mouth shut. I refuse to give in so easy. There is no warm-up with punishment. Even less so when you are proving a point to his audience. This is meant to hurt. This is meant to serve as a reminder to never again be so careless.

Two. Three. Four.

You are deliberately keeping the hits from forming a rhythm. It makes the hits much more intense. The back of my calf is burning.

Five. Six. Seven.

My leg is shaking. My attention is divided between keeping my leg still and trying not to tense before the next hit.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

My eyes are watering. I do not like this.

Without hesitation, the hits move to my other calf. The first one is just as hard as it was on the other side.

Two. Three. Four.

I understand why you chose my calves Sir.

Five. Six. Seven.

I did not tell you that my legs go numb. If I can function without feeling, and without telling you, then you will make sure I can feel this punishment. I can.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

I am gripping the cage tightly. My whole body is shaking. You did not tell me to count but I have been keeping track in my head. It is helping me focus. Just because my legs are occasionally numb (and paralyzed), does not mean I feel anything less. In fact, it often makes the sensations more intense.

My breathing is harsh; it echoes around the room. Everything is silent. I am unsure anymore if there are still people watching or even where you have gone to Sir. I do not feel you behind me anymore.

There is no warning this time either. You have come back with a vengeance. I cannot stop the grunt that passes my lips. Have I ever told you how much I hate wooden paddles? I despise them even more on the back of my thigh.

Two. Three. Four.

There is more rhythm with this one. I am unsure if it is because the paddle is heavier or if you are trying to help me breathe through the pain.

Five. Six. Seven.

I am reaching my breaking point Sir. I do not understand why I could face Maker so stoically, but I cannot do the same with you.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

My knees are shaking. At this point, the only thing that has kept me from dropping to the floor is my grip on the cage. My body is sweating profusely from the effort.

As with my calves, you took only a breath or two before switching thighs. I feel the firm swat to my right thigh. This makes 31 hits so far Sir. How much farther are we going?

Two. Three. Four.

The blindfold is soaked with tears. I am hiccupping from the sobbing. It hurts Sir.

Five. Six. Seven.

It hurts. Is this how bad I have hurt you by not being truthful? Is that why it is so harsh?

Eight.

I don’t know how long I can continue to hold myself up Master.

Nine.

Please, Sir. Please, can we be finished. I clench my eyes shut.

Ten.

This rounds out another Ten. I am sorry, Master. I will not do this again.

I cannot hear myself think anymore. My body trembles. I am biting my lip to try and calm the sobbing. I can hear murmurs again. There is no warm touch from you, Master, not this time.

“Stand up pet.”

I loosen my grip on the cage. I can feel the indentations that have been left in my skin. I trail the bars of the cage until I am sure my hands are on the top. I push my upper body off the cage. Without lifting my feet from the concrete, I slowly drag my feet back together.

Deep, shuddering breath. I can do this.

My body is on fire. It protests loudly as I move. But I bring myself up to a standing position. I bring my hands to the back of my head, my elbows bent and outward. My back is straight, my head is held high, and my gaze remains on the floor. My chest is heaving. My body is tired.

But I will take what you give, Master. I will make you proud.

“You have done well pet. Five left. You will stay in this position. Is that clear?” Your voice is firm.

“Yes, Sir.” As soon as I confirm my understanding, you slip a piece of rope between my teeth.

“Hold that firmly.” I nod.

My back spasmed at the first lash. It is the whip. I fucking hate the whip. So many bad memories attached to this type of punishment.

Two.

My foot stepped forward reactively after the second lash. Without a word, I put myself back into the position I started in. But it is too late. I feel the electricity of the collar. It lights my body on fire as my muscles tense.

Three.

My right knee gave out. It hits the concrete hard, even as my hands come down to catch me. I drop my head. I am failing you now. I am positive I can feel your disappointment. I am ashamed I have broken position, but I refuse to stay down. Slowly, I bring myself back up into position.

Though you cannot see it, I close my eyes. I grit my teeth against the rope, waiting for the electricity. It is stronger than the first time. My body feels like it is vibrating. Only two more lashes to go.

Four.

My hands tighten in my hair as I force my body to stay still.

Five.

The last one. I am so sorry, Master.

I feel one of your hands on the back of my neck as the other removes the length of rope. My voice wobbles as I remember your instructions. “Thank you, Master for correcting my behavior and reminding me of my place at your feet.”

“You may drop your hands pet.” Your hands move to release the blindfold. I close my eyes against the onslaught of light. “Address your audience pet.”

“This girl apologizes for her ill behavior. This girl has learned her lesson and endeavor to give exemplary service to Master going forward.”

Two Snaps. I kneel.

“Clean up after yourself while I take care of some business.”

“Yes, Master.”

I see you walk towards to hall. I try not to dwell on your actions. Is it selfish to want you to hold me Sir? Even when I have been so disobedient? I shake my head slightly and return my focus to my task. I push the cage forward. I move it a few inches before crawling forward and pushing it again. It takes me far longer than I care to admit, but it makes it back to its spot against the wall.

I turn and crawl back to the chair. I raise up on my knees to wait for you. My thighs and calves are throbbing and when they touch it gets worse.

Before long, I see you come back.

Two snaps.

I turn to face you. I am proud that I remember to meet your eyes. You pat your knee. I smile slightly, without showing teeth. I lay my head down on your knee and am relieved when your fingers start toying with my hair.

“You have done well pet. I am proud of you.”

I make a small, content noise. Thank you, Sir. It brings me peace to hear that. I live to make you happy.

“Lay out for me pet. Face down, arms at your sides.”

I do as you ask. I appreciate that you always let me keep my hands at my side. One day I will remember to mention that to you. I am internally relieved that my body stays lax when your hands touch me. I can feel something cold and smooth being spread across my skin. It soothes the pain minimally. Your hands apply even pressure as they move. I am grateful for your attention.

When you stop, I am loath to move. Regardless of the cold concrete, my body has fully relaxed. Hopefully I will not become too stiff tonight. “Stay.” Who am I to argue with your instructions, Sir?

I can hear you moving around, even with your footfalls as light as they are. I hear the clinking of metal. What are you doing, Sir?

“Come here pet.” I struggle to push myself up from the floor and look to find where you are. You are by the cage. I cock my head to the side in confusion but dutifully crawl forward. When I reach you, your fingers slide down the side of my face, and you cup my cheek.

“Tonight, you sleep here. I want you to think over everything that has happened and the punishment that you have endured. I will let you choose pet. If you cannot see yourself fully submitting to me, and trusting me, I will give you the option to go back up to auction.”

My eyes widen. My heart races with panic. No. No. No.

Your thumb brushes my lips, and you shush me. “Do not answer me tonight pet. Tonight, you need to be honest with yourself. Tomorrow, you will be honest with me.”

Two snaps.

I look up at you. I see you smile but there is something in your eyes I cannot quite place. I feel your hands reach for the back of the metal collar. I bring my palms up to hold it, should you need. You drop the collar into my hands. I feel the leather collar take its place and I have never felt such relief. Once it is locked, you step back.

“It is time.” You step around me to stand at the open cage door. I crawl the couple feet to the entrance. I turn to face you but keep my eyes down this time. Without hesitation, I give into an impulse. If this is my last night with you, then I want you to clearly understand what your kindness means to me.

I lean forward, and I kiss your left boot three times. Then I kiss the right, also three times. I place my forehead on the concrete and say very clearly, “thank you Master.” No matter how my body (and my mind) are pained by what has transpired, I am grateful for your correction. After a moment of silence, I lift my head and crawl into the cage. You have been kind enough to line it with a warm blanket and pillow. Once I am settled, I hear the lock snick into place.

I stare up at you as you rise.

“Think about what I have said pet. Tomorrow, when I ask, I expect you to have an answer.”

With that, the light is extinguished. I am alone in the dark once more.

Curling on my side, one of my hands comes up to rub the leather of my collar.

Maybe I don’t have to be alone anymore.

Erotica: Learning To Trust The Master

August 1, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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***All works of erotica are fictional and we NEVER condone anything that is not safe and consensual

I sigh quietly. I am really fucking bored. I really do want to make Master proud, but it is very hard to stay focused when there is so little to do.

Right now, my head is resting on Master’s thigh. His hand is in my hair, the strands running through his fingers. I love when he does this. It always makes me feel cherished. Often times, I feel forgotten when his attention is no longer on me. It is as though I become invisible.

I sigh once more, letting all the voices wash over me. I am the only pet here and W/we have been here for–let me see–four hours now. Any longer and I swear I am going to bash my head into the table.

See, Master refused to leave me alone in His rooms after my fever last night. He told me that since I could not be trusted to tell Him exactly how I felt, He would just have to keep me with Him. Honestly, sitting here, listening to the other Masters discuss the running of the compound, is far worse than any punishment Master has given yet.

Master assured me this morning that it wouldn’t be a very long meeting. But, I am so tired. I can feel the pin pricks in my lower back. This means things are not going to end well. Master is going to be very upset when He sees the largest omission so far.

Finally, Master rises, and I feel a pat on my head, telling me to rise as well. Swiftly and silently, I do as asked, and wait for everyone to leave.

I know what is coming.

I trail behind Master as we snake our way through the connecting hallways. I am unsure what Master has planned for the rest of today, I am only praying that I can escape his sights long enough to compose myself.

My hands clench tightly. Apparently, luck is not on my side.

Almost as soon as the door closes, my knees give out. I hit the floor roughly my body tense. My palms hit the floor in front of me, holding the bulk of my weight. I know this will pass. I close my eyes tightly. Master has never seen this before. I would say I fear his reaction, but I am more resigned than anything.

The first Master (or my maker as I often refer to him) did not react well to my imperfections.

I am thrown against the wall. I know better than to pick myself up. Maker prefers to see me beneath him. I have no desire to antagonize him further.

“I put all this effort into you slut, and this is how you repay me?” he snarls at me, his spit hitting my side.

My head is resting on the inside of my arm. As I feel Maker stand atop my hands, I knew instantly I should have protected them. His weight is heavy. I am beyond making noises of discontent. The darkness in my right eye taught me that lesson.

He turns his boots, grinding down onto my knuckles. It is an indescribable pain. I will be cradling them for days if he continues. He steps off my hands after a couple minutes and proceeds to kick me in the stomach.

I hold firm in my silence. I must pick the lesser of two evils. Right now, he will take any sound as disobedience.

“Get up.” He growls at me. “Lest I beat you where you lay.”

He knows I can’t. That is why he is so angry to begin with. I am nothing but a disgrace at this point. Broken. Disfigured. Disappointment.

“In position.”

I roll onto my stomach, my arms stretched above my head and my legs are as straight as I could manage without moving them.

“You will count. When you cannot manage to count anymore, I may consider your punishment served.”

Without the benefit of a warm-up, I felt the raw sting of his cane. “One, Maker.”

Another. “Two, Maker.”

Again.

And again.

Once he got bored of the cane, around forty hits or so, he switched to the ball-chain flogger. Its feeling is unmistakable. It is sharp and cold, uncaring of my pain.

“Forty-five, Maker.”

I lost count around sixty. My fists were clenched and my eyes dripping. The harsh breathing of both of us echoed throughout the dungeon. He did not stop. In his words, he promised to only think about it.

It was a blessing when I passed out. Though, when I awoke, I found myself shivering and alone in the darkness.

Even now, that phantom cold seeps into my bones from time to time.

My body is tired. I have not been entirely honest with Master about how I am recovering. Just a couple nights ago, He chastised me for not telling him I was ill. I don’t know how to explain to him that I have never been allowed to be sick.

I am, and must always be, fine.

When the tensing eased, and my breathing settled, I took a small liberty and looked up. I was almost convinced (and quite hopeful) that he had just left me to my devices. I was not that lucky.

My eyes met his. I can see the concern in them. I do not understand why he is so worried. He can always get another toy.

When it becomes apparent that I am not going to give the reasons for my collapse, I hear him sigh. “Come here, pet.”

I weigh the options. Either way, I am in trouble. Do I speak out of turn and tell him the truth, or do I stay silent and let Master believe I am willfully ignoring Him?

Deep breath. “I can’t, Sir.”

Two snaps. “Now.”

“I can’t Sir. I am sorry.”

“You seem to be saying that a lot lately.” You uttered softly. I watched you rise from the chair and move forward. Before I could protest, your arms wrapped around me, and I was cradled to you. I rest my head against your chest, your heartbeat steady in my ears.

I do not know how I thought to hide this from you. I just didn’t want to be auctioned again Sir. Please don’t send me back.

We ended up at my favorite spot. You sat me on the floor at the base of your wingback chair. The carpet is soft here and it is close enough to the fireplace to stay warm but far enough that I stay comfortable. As much as I haven’t mentioned it, I think you know that the light of the fireplace soothes me.

My back is set against the chair leg, and I slowly rearrange my legs so they are stretched out in front of me. My hands start massaging the back of my thighs. This is going to be a slow and painful process, but necessary to get feeling back in them before dawn.

You reach down, sliding your hands into my armpits. You pull me sideways until I am sitting between your legs. I continue massaging once you let go.

“You have some explaining to do, girl, and I want the whole truth. We just discussed that I will not allow you to continue to omit information, especially regarding your health. If you cannot be honest, I will release you.”

My hands pause. I shiver. I hate when his voice gets like this. I do not want to go back. No one will take me. I will be fodder for the masses.

Should I beg you Sir? Should I apologize for trying to please you? I have only ever been ridiculed Sir, and I just wanted to be perfect for you.

Softly, I stumble to answer you. “If you can give me an hour or so, Sir, to be able to move, I will get out of your sight.”

Your hands drop onto my shoulders and grip ever so slightly. I can sense you are trying not to lose your temper with me. You tilt my head back so our eyes meet, and I can no longer hide the tears in my lashes.

“Talk to me.”

“You said you were sending me away Sir. I am unsure what is left to say.” I answer flatly.

“No, I said I would if you could not learn to trust me completely.”

“I am trying Master.” Why wouldn’t he believe me?

“Then why do you question me so and why have you not told me what caused your collapse earlier? Tell me, why do you skirt the questions?”

Finally, I snapped. My temper fiery and out of control. I snapped my head forward, fighting against him as he tried to tug it back.

“Do you really want to know about this? I am broken Master. Nothing more than a marionette living on borrowed time. It is called Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis. What it means is that I will never live up to what you want Sir. You were swindled. You bought a broken toy Sir.” My hands tightened on my thighs. “They call me a monster Sir. I scare them. You are the first to see me without seeing Maker first. I did not intend to deceive you. I just didn’t want to go back.”

The fight is gone from me. I have blown it. Surely Master will toss me to the wolves now.

Calmly, Master listens to me vent. I stare into the fire. It was only the even tempo of his breathing that keeps me from falling into myself.

“How does this affect you, pet?”

I am a little startled at your question Master, but I answer quietly. “If I can keep massaging the muscle, I am more likely to get feeling and movement back sooner. It jumpstarts the sensations.”

You stand and step over me. You hold your hands out for mine and I grip them tightly. You spin me slightly until my side is against the chair. “Are you able to lay back unassisted?”

“Yes, Sir.” I hate this position. It brings back so many terrible memories. I lay back and move to raise my arms. You let me know I can keep them by my side. While I know I will never raise my arms against you, it brings me comfort to know it is physically an option.

“I am going to massage your legs. You will tell me if, at any time, it hurts. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Master.”

And so it went. Every so often, I would wince just a little too much, and you would stop and wait. The first time I did not understand. So, you tapped the spot on my leg again, and when I winced, I understood.

“That hurts, Sir.”

You nodded and continued. By the time you finished, there was no hesitation in telling you when it hurt.

“Better. You are learning, pet.”

I smile, ever so slightly. I lifted my head enough to watch my toes. With much concentration, the toes started to twitch. No matter how many times I go through this, it always brings relief when I can move once more.

You crouch down and offer me a hand to pull me into a sitting position. “It is good to see movement.” You meet my eyes. “and even better to see you smile.”

I had forgotten He had never seen me smile. I have learned to keep hidden the gruesome sharps that were once my teeth.

I looked up at Master, surprised. “Do you wish to see me smile Sir?”

He raises his eyebrow in challenge.

So, hard as it is, I meet his eyes and smile.

It feels sinister.

When You lean down, kiss my forehead, and tell me I am a good girl, I know I was right to trust you.

Punishment, harsher than You have yet to give me, awaits me tomorrow. I know that. I have taken many missteps since you purchased me, Master.

But, if I can smile without making you recoil in disgust, then I will bear whatever you have to offer.

Even as broken as I am, I am at your service, Master.

Thank you for leaving the light on.

Erotica: The Monster, The Maker, and The Master

July 25, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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I knelt by the fireplace. My knees burn with the effort. My legs have long since gone numb. I am waiting for Master. He said He would be but a few minutes, and yet the chime of the clock mocks the hour mark.

I am worried about him. I cannot help it. Master is extremely capable of taking care of himself. I would not wish my worst enemy to turn his ire, but I cannot help the slight stuttering of my heart as the clock hands tick.

My body is starting to bend. My posture is failing, my back bending forward weakly. I feel tired and weak, but I refuse to disobey Master. He ordered me to wait and wait I shall.

My eyes drift close thinking about Him. He has done so much for me. He let me see the light again. He touches me with kindness. He speaks to me as though I am a person. While I know it is an illusion, it is one I cling to desperately.

Anything is better than before. I will not disappoint Him. To do so only means I will be sent away…or worse, forgotten.

He had said only a few minutes and yet the time has passed, bringing back only anxiousness in return. I am trying to remind myself that I live by His time, not mine. But still, it is unlike him to be late. I know my Master and he is punctual, easily displeased when others are not.

I want to look for him. Even numb, my knee twitches as though to lift my weight. I lean back further onto my haunches. I know better. I am to stay where I am.

The fireplace is dimming now. My body is on fire, but the chill is rapidly cooling the sweat beaded on my skin. The embers mock me as the darkness falls. I do not like the darkness. I spent far too long submerged in it to ever again be comfortable.

I close my eyes. If I pretend the darkness is simply because my eyes are closed, I may yet survive this.

My mind starts drifting back to before Master owned me. Drifting back to the lessons of a madman and his monster.

“Stupid wench. How hard is it to please my friends? Your sobs do not make for a good fuck!” He threw me to the ground. I could barely get my barrings before his hand wrapped threw my hair and he dragged me across the cold cement. My eyes watered from the pain. I tried so hard to stay quiet, to not fuel his rage, but I couldn’t help the small sob that escaped.

He flipped me over, my outer thigh scraped from the pavement and my knees bruised from the force of falling on them. He pulled me to my feet, my arms limp at my sides. I knew better than to fight him.

I am to be punished.

Without a word, he finally lets my hair loose and sets about securing my wrists in the shackles hanging from the ceiling. They are secured high enough that I have to stay on my tip toes to remain standing. My body sways in the chains. He leaves my feet free because he knows I will move. At some point, I will try to shift the weight from my wrists. I know, as does He, that all that does is knock my center of balance and ends up wounding me more.

I close my eyes. This will not be pleasant. I have disgraced him, amongst his peers.

His fury has settled into silence. My skin has developed goosebumps. The hairs are standing on end. Why isn’t he doing anything?

Deep breath.

Time passes slowly in the dark. I do not know how long I have been here. I can hear the scurrying of a mouse or two, but without light, it is hard to tell the time.

I suddenly feel the strike of a whip.

My body tenses in surprise. My eyes open but its hard to tell. The darkness is too oppressing.

Again.

And Again.

The tears are falling heavy and my chest is heaving with sobs.

Again.

And Again.

I am pulling at the shackles as hard as I can. I just want to run. My legs feel weak from how long I have been there.

Again

And Again.

My back is on fire. It drips with either blood or sweat. It makes the floor slick beneath me.

Again.

I’ve begged him to stop. I’ve apologized over and over again. I’ve promised to never shame him again. He stays silent.

Again.

The sobs have quieted now. I have no tears left and my voice is raw from screaming.

Another.

Three more in succession and all I can do is let out small gasps. I have no words, no tears, no fight left in me.

He unhooked me and my body dropped like lead.

His voice surrounds me when he does speak. “We will go until you can take this in silence. You will never shame me again with your incessant crying.”

I spent a week in the darkness. I earned my food and water only when I could keep from making sounds during his cruelty.

He alternated after that first session. He would strike several times and then stop. He would leave uneven lengths of space between his rounds. I was tired. I just wanted it to end.

And it did.

The moment he missed and took sight from my left eye.

The memories faded from my conscious as I came to awareness. My eyes blink rapidly, trying to push my horrific past from my mind.

I did not think I had fallen asleep, Sir. I feel a hand running through my hair and my eyes finally start to focus in on the soft glow of your bedroom. I wouldn’t have come in here without your permission Sir. I promise. That must mean you brought me in here.

Had I fallen asleep? I must have. Oh no.

I can feel my body tensing against you. Your hand stops caressing my locks.

My voice is shaking, and my words are barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry Master. I didn’t mean to, really I didn’t. I tried, I’m sorry.” My voice sticks in my throat and, for the first time since my sight was taken, I could feel the tears spill through my lashes. I couldn’t help it. I have disappointed you. “I-I…”

My head drops from your chest and I move swiftly from my position next to you, until I am kneeling on the bed in the same position I had been by the fireplace.

If I had been thinking clearly, I would recognize that I had both spoken out of turn and removed myself from your grasp. But everything is fairly fuzzy in my panic.

I see your hands reach for me, and then you are gently trying to pull me back to you. I tense. “Pet,” Your voice is firm with warning.

I have no desire to upset you further Sir. I take a deep breath and consciously relax my body, resisting minimally as you pull me into your lap. My shoulder leans against your chest and I feel the warmth of your hand as you urge my head to rest upon your shoulder.

“Why did you panic, pet? It is not like you to resist. You may speak freely.”

I take a deep breath and thank the Gods you have not made me meet your eyes. “I-I fell asleep Master. I remember waiting for you and now I am in here. You must have carried me Sir. I do not understand why you did not just leave me there. I apologize for failing you.” My voice wavers during the last sentence, but I have said what I must.

“No, pet, you did not.” My head turned up to meet your eyes. “I found you unconscious. Your body was burning with fever. It only broke a couple of hours ago. I had not expected you to wake at all tonight. Why did you not tell me?” You stare into my eyes, waiting patiently for me to gather my thoughts. I break eye contact and swallow harshly.

“I thought I would be okay Sir. You said you would be back in a few minutes, and I did not wish to worry you. My discomfort comes after You, Sir.”

“I had not expected to be gone so long. I received a call I had been waiting for.” Your fingers grip my chin and you bring my head back up to face you. “I thought we had agreed you would tell me these things?” You sound disappointed, Sir.

Now that is true pain.

“Yes, Sir. I just, I didn’t feel that bad. I was only a little sore. If I thought I was going to pass out, I would have told you.”

“We are going to have to work on your sense of worth. I want to know any discomfort you are feeling pet. For now, you will rest. Is that clear?”

“Yes Master.” You nodded that you heard me. I attempted to get up, but your hand on my chest had me stilling.

I swallowed, “Sir?”

“I said rest, pet. Tonight, you share with me.”

You stripped down and climbed in behind me. My body molded into yours.

Tomorrow, I am sure we will address the punishment for omitting too much when I told you I was fine. Just as I am sure that my scale of “fine,” may be redefined.

But, for tonight, I will curl up with you.

Maybe, now, I won’t fear the darkness.

The Power Of Choice In Power Exchange

July 15, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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Submission is a choice. Every aspect of the power we hand over to another individual is a daisy chain of choices. I have always been transparent about the struggles I had in learning how to make those choices.

I chose to offer Him my submission and He rejected me.

I chose to offer it a second time and He took me under consideration.

I chose when to kneel. I chose when to call Him Sir and once again when to call Him Master. I chose when to crawl.

And I chose when to finally let go.

As I write this, I understand that to the naked eye, it seems as though I had all the power. And we all know how I feel about that saying.

What I am trying to do is highlight the slow decent into complete acceptance. He has a considerable amount of patience. He pushed me by setting His expectations a notch higher than I thought I could achieve.

Every. Single. Time.

By turning me down, He verified I had an honest desire to serve Him and the determination to address things that make me uncomfortable.

By letting me kneel at my pace, He could see that understanding dawn in my eyes when I finally accepted the desires I spoke about.

By allowing me to choose how to address Him, He guaranteed my service was sincere and natural.

By waiting for me to crawl, He watched me finally comprehend that my discomfort is secondary to His pleasure.

In a profoundly silent style, He taught me how to sink into my submission and wrap it around me like a warm cloak of spirituality.

Each of these led to my final choice: to offer Him a Total Power Exchange. He would (and does) own my body, my mind, and my soul. At this point in O/our dynamic, my limits are His limits.

Now, the reason I am laying this out, is because you need to understand the building blocks of our dynamic before I tell you the final step of His “training” process.

Once I reached the point of complete acceptance, He pointed out the most important part of what I had learned. I had learned to anticipate His needs, and, by default, my own. During my efforts to figure out my own wants and needs, I had started subconsciously seeking his approval. I had, without realizing it, had taken the service aspect to heart. My happiness came from my ability to make His life easier. It was (and still is) my mission to recognize and provide everything He desires without Him ever saying a word.

Only once I reached the point of anticipating His thoughts (as much as submissive can anticipate the thoughts of a Sadist) were we able to delve into O/our favorite part of BDSM.

Now the fun part.

I am going to ask you to define Mental Bondage.

I know, without ever hearing the answers, that each of you gave me a different definition.

Here’s why:

If you type Mental Bondage into Google (without any other code words), you will get two types of answers. The first is religious. They refer to mental bondage as the inability to see, feel, or understand the spirit of God. The second is a warning against domestic abuse. Mental bondage, in that capacity, refers to the inability to break the cycle of abuse and recognize the trauma being experienced.

If those aren’t vastly different ends of the spectrum, I don’t know what is.

If you change your search to “BDSM Mental Bondage,” the answers move to kink related themes.

1) The first answer is sexual hypnosis. Sexual Hypnosis, also called Erotic Hypnosis, is the use of hypnosis to elicit a particular set of sexual or sensual responses. It can be used to force orgasms, increase sensitivity to touch, or implement trigger words that can sink someone into sub space. While it is not my kink (mostly because attempted hypnosis just triggers my narcolepsy), I did take a class on it at one time out of curiosity. For those who can use hypnosis in (or as) their kink, it is amazing to see the sensuality of it. I have a friend who partakes, and she keeps her trigger word private because it will turn her extremely primal. I was able to watch her play with Master one time where she wanted to have her word used in conjunction with electricity. It was…quite the scene.

2) The second answer you will see is a reference to positional training. This most often references the Gorean slave positions or submissive training poses. I make the distinction between these because while some of the poses overlap, they are two separate sets of positions and commands to learn. There are three common languages used to give the commands. The first is English, and most commonly coincides with submissive training poses. The second is German, akin to the same words used to train dogs (and I may or may not have managed to surprise Master when I responded to them). I have seen this one used in more High Protocol settings, and more often used with slaves. The last is the common tongue of Gor. These are the terms (and definitions) outlined in the Gor Series (written by John Norman). These books are the foundations of the Gorean lifestyle.

The reason positional training falls under Mental Bondage is because the learning of these positions becomes second nature to the submissive and often can sink them into a particular mindset, depending on the position used. This is especially true with the Gorean positions. For example, the position “Bracelets” is used to put slave bracelets on so the slave may be chained. “Leasha (Leash)” is the position used to attach a leash to the slave.

If you have been in either of those positions (formally or just in play), they are vastly different mindsets.

3) The third most common answer revolves around 24/7 dynamics. It is the commitment of a submissive to the rules laid out by their Dominant. Think about it. Do your rules dictate what you eat, what you wear, or what you can say? Are you required to answer questions with a particular honorific or in a certain way?

All of these are forms of mental bondage. You are bound to a strict set of expectation that you are only released from at your Dominant’s discretion. It is an invisible version of bondage. It is much like being bound with rope and only being freed once your Dominant desires it.

While there are quite a few other definitions, the ones listed above are the most commonly agreed upon within the vast online BDSM community.

Then there is U/us.

While we do use aspects of the previous mentioned definitions, we have developed O/our own version of Mental Bondage.

Mental Bondage, in my experience, is the adherence to protocols, orders, and positions that have only been anticipated (and never verbally directed) with the expectation of correction if the submissive is wrong.

Sounds scary, huh?

To me, it sounds deliciously fearsome. Which is why Mental Bondage is my kink.

O/our version of Mental Bondage does have a component of Consensual Non-Consent (CNC). The expectations laid upon me change each time we play. As mentioned, many times before, I do not know what is going to happen until it happens.

One example of Mental Bondage is “the waiting game.”

When Master has decided it is time to scene, I am sent down to my room to wait for Him. He never states how I am to wait. The only consistent is the fact that I kneel. Sometimes I am naked and other times I am dressed. Sometimes I am in Nadu pose. Other times I kneel at the edge of the bed, my forehead to the mattress, my arms extended out above my head. The pose depends on what I have anticipated He wants me to do.

Unfortunately for me, W/we like to combine Mental Fuckery and Mental Bondage, so I am only right about 20% of the time.

Another one of Master’s favorite expressions of mental bondage occurs during impact play. Sadomasochism is a heavy part of our play. This means that we play for short amounts of time at a high intensity with little warm-up or cool down. I have been bucked off a spanking bench and a barrel from the force of the impact.

Do you know what happens when I break position?

I pick myself up and move back into position. He never breaks posture, nor does He speak. He knows that once I am in a position, I will hold it until His direction changes. He expects me to hold myself in a way where He can reach as much of my body as physically possible.

While He refuses to admit to me that He enjoys watching me struggle, I can see it clearly on His face. Watching my legs tremble beneath me, hearing me sob as I try to continually hold my body against the force of impact, and ultimately watching me collapse brings a sinister grin to His face.

Rope has been used only one time during the length of O/our dynamic. Metal cuffs have been used three times, and I can count the number of times my leather cuffs have been used on one hand. Outside of those instances, all of the bondage I am subjected to is mental.

In my experience, Mental Bondage brings me a sense of accomplishment. Knowing that I am pushing my body to the edge to hold a position for longer periods of time, simply because He wants me to, is rewarding.

It also gives me a focus point. Master does not like to keep the same rhythm during play. Doing so would allow me to push out the pain. He wants me to feel it, to experience it in the moment, and to push through it. Repetitive motion, like a flogging, can allow a submissive to sink into a meditative state to push their pain threshold. He expects me to push through it through an active choice to continue (through the withholding of my safeword).

I have the choice to put myself back into position.

I have the choice to stop experiencing the pain and the pleasure.

I even have the choice to break the invisible hold of mental bondage by using my safeword.

After all, there is nothing physically stopping me.

It is my honor as a submissive that bound me to Master. It is my desire to serve and please Him. It comes down to the moment I gave Him power over me.

The moment I gave Him my power to choose.

The Breeding Fetish

July 5, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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Over the years, I have become less conservative in exploring my interests. When I started out, I was very shy. I had all these different interests, and I was convinced that there was no way my partner would understand. So, I stuck to what I considered “standard” kinks. Since getting with Master, I have found the freedom to explore anything that comes to mind.

So, I thought I would share one of them with you.

One of the kinks I kept hidden, for many years, was Breeding.

Traditionally, a breeding kink involves a Dominant male having intercourse with a submissive female with the full intent of impregnation. This generally means sex without protection and an intentional exchange of body fluids. It is considered a riskier kink (though not edge play) because bareback sex can increase your chances of a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI).

It can also increase the chances of a yeast infection or PH imbalance. The vagina is generally considered acidic and should have a PH level of 3.8-4.5. However, sperm need a PH level of 7-8.5 to thrive. During unprotected sex, the vagina’s PH level will rise to accommodate the sperm, optimizing the chance of impregnation.

Sounds great, right?

Well, it can be. But for some of us, the ph level struggles to go back down afterward. An acidic environment (with the PH of 3.8-4.5) is naturally protective. Having an imbalance can promote the growth of bacteria and lead to several different types of medical issues (i.e. Bacterial Vaginosis or Yeast Infection). So, my personal PSA is to consult a doctor if you notice things do not feel right after unprotected sex. Stay healthy and optimize your kink.

Alright. Now we can get back to the fun stuff.

Breeding, over the last couple decades, has expanded in its definition. Let’s go over some different ways to enjoy your kink.

Role Play:

There are a few ways that role play can be incorporated.

Cross-Gendered Role play

Due to the expansion of role play aspects in this kink, there is less focus on the gender of those involved as well. For female/female partners, the use of a strap-on can simulate the action of breeding. There are dildos that have tubing in the center to simulate ejaculation. For male/male partners, the incorporation of other kinks, such as sissification, can make the fantasy of impregnation more realistic.

Breeding with Birth Control

For some individuals, having a resulting pregnancy is not part of their kink. This could be due to medical factors, financial reasons, or already having children. As such, the use of birth control can help mitigate the chances of pregnancy. As with anything, I recommend talking to a licensed professional to find the best option possible for you. I also recommend researching everything for yourself. As several individuals in my family learned, the pill form of birth control actually made them more fertile. For me, I have an implant in my arm. It lasts 3 years, has minimal side effects, and I am not allergic to it. While the chance of me getting pregnant is under 1 percent, the use of birth control is a secondary preventative measure.

Animal play

Animal play is an umbrella term for when one partner acts as an animal and one acts as a handler. Most often, breeding often uses role play of actual “bred” animals. While hudogs (i.e. human dogs) are occasionally seen, it is almost always farm animal role play. Hucows (Human Cows) are the most common. A hucow is defined as a “submissive woman who is into lactation (whether voluntarily being milked or forced lactation) and/or breeding (forced insemination). The breeding aspect is a newer addition to the Hucow kink.

You can also add objectification to this type of play. An example of this is putting a burlap bag over the “animal’s” head (which could even be labeled with “Breed Me” or other more derogatory sayings) so that the receiver becomes nothing more than a breeding machine or potential incubator.

**Animal play also gives an opportunity to play with artificial insemination as a form of breeding**

Consent Non-Consent:

Consent Non-Consent (CNC) is another umbrella term. It is often equated to “rape play.” I do not use that term for two reasons. The first is because CNC has so many different avenues of expression. Second, consent is paramount in our community. Rape does not involve consent in any form, and I feel that it needs to keep its own definition (and implications) without convoluting consensual play.

The definition I prefer to use is “[play] between two (or more) consenting adults where one of them does unpleasant or harmful seeming things to the other, who looks as if they’re not enjoying it, or not consenting.”

Breeding can be incorporated into almost any CNC scenario that you can dream up. All the scenarios I am about to list reference “role play scenarios” in which all parties have consented to the activities involved.

Blackmailing a co-worker, Boss/secretary dubious consent, Headmaster/student
Hypnosis/Mind Control
kidnapping, home invasion
Gang Bang

It is also important to me that CNC can also be a relationship type. It is most often referred to as a Total Power Exchange (TPE). I have talked previously about my relationship with Master. He has blanket consent to do as he pleases. He allows me the option of a safe word, just in case. However, I never know what is going to happen or when. I do not negotiate our scenes. That means that every time we play, it falls under CNC. I can scream, cry, say no or stop repeatedly but the only thing that will stop the scene is the word “red.”

As I have explored Breeding more and more, the only real consistent “requirement” is sex without a condom. Everything else is up to the individual people involved and as broad as their imagination.

I find Breeding is a kink that many still find themselves shy to talk about. I have seen it kink shamed on more than one occasion. If I have learned anything in the last 15 years, it is that there is no shame in kink if consent is paramount. Never let someone tell you what you can and cannot enjoy in your dynamic.

Joji Sada

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