It’s not too far a stretch to argue these days that spanking has almost gone mainstream. Mainstream cinema and literature embrace it. Online spanking forums discuss it. Popular, well-attended spanking parties from Houston to Chicago and Dallas to Las Vegas practice it. Even our President reportedly got spanked with a magazine with his face on the cover. (Pro tip: magazines don’t hurt very much!)
But notice that I write almost. Spanking has almost gone mainstream.
You ask: why the equivocation?
Many people out there might question the whole concept. Why spanking? Why would someone want to inflict pain on someone else? Why would someone want this done to them? Aren’t spankings brutal, a frowned-upon relic of yesteryear? For some, these are not rhetorical questions but real ones. The spouse who discovers her husband wants to be spanked — and she doesn’t understand why. The college student whose girlfriend wants him to spank her — but he worries: isn’t spanking hitting, and doesn’t hitting mean abuse?
I’m here to address these questions and maybe expand upon them a bit. But first, my bona fides.
I am a professional disciplinarian. I offer discipline — yes, often this means spanking — in a warm, safe, loving, caring, connecting environment. Through my travels and experiences, I’ve met an amazingly wide array of people into spanking — or, as many like to refer to themselves, spankos.
Let’s start by looking at many of the types of spankings that are out there. Many couples engage in spanking as a form of foreplay — this has gone on for centuries, and it is well-documented. Oh, the endorphins! The exchange of power and control — such fun! Other couples may have opted to enter domestic discipline relationships. These may range from the traditional — the man is Head of Household and the woman submits to corporal punishment when the husband deems it necessary. Or a domestic discipline relationship might involve the less common (but growing in popularity) FLR — that stands for Female-Led Relationship, and, as the name implies, she is the one calling the shots — and popping her partner’s behind. Of course, there are the non-punishment variety of spankings. These tend to involve role-play. Some popular role-plays might be teacher-naughty student, boss-secretary, spurned girlfriend punishing her neglectful boyfriend, etc. You get the picture.
I mention “Head of Household” and “FLR” scenarios. And some might wonder: Isn’t this spousal abuse? A husband slapping his wife’s bare butt? A spouse taking a belt or hairbrush to her husband’s properly presented posterior?
It all depends on consent. If the wife has consented to the Head of Household agreement, if the husband has consented to the female-led relationship, then it’s all good. Absence such consent, then obviously it is not. I am not naive enough to suggest that abusive relationships do not exist. They do, and victims of such relationships deserve our direct help and emotional support — and the abusers should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Let’s continue by answering the question I posed above. Why spank?
Some of the clients I see want to engage in role play. Others might want a “real” spanking to be administered for conduct unbecoming — maybe my client pledged to stop smoking but relapsed. Maybe the client wants to lose weight, but he or she (yes, I do have female clients) has trouble getting motivated. Maybe a husband snapped at his spouse or didn’t do agreed-upon chores, and the two of them felt he should see me to get to the seat of the situation, as it were.
My point is, there are many different reasons for wanting a spanking. We are all wired differently. I have clients who like to engage in role play who would never submit to a punishment spanking — it just wouldn’t seem right to them or it might even be a trigger. Other clients, who see me for the very reason that they need to be punished for a specific transgression, would not be interested in a role-play spanking. They might find it silly!
But the curious reader stumbling upon this topic might ask, “Aren’t spankings brutal?”
The spankings I administer aren’t brutal. Do they hurt? Indeed they do — that’s the point, right? To me, it is not a spanking if there is not some discomfort involved. And like many professional disciplinarians, I have a full arsenal at my disposal — hairbrushes, paddles, straps, canes — I even have a thick brown belt like Mom or Dad might have employed.
But there is a world of difference between a client walking out of my work space (if I am at home) or hotel or guest house (if I am on the road) with a sore bottom and brutality. Brutality is battery, subject to prosecution and even prison time. Brutality is abuse.
Spankings are completely different.
Spankings are about correction, sometimes, but connection, always. What do I mean by connection?
Think about the world in which we live today.
In today’s world, we don’t interact with people the way we used to. We spend a good portion of our time interacting with “bots” instead of humans. Most people rarely talk on the phone, preferring to text or email instead. If we call a company instead of talking to a person, we push a bunch of numbers and try to get our tasks accomplished via an automated system. And we rarely ever get 100 percent of other people’s attention like we used to.
Think about that.
If you are out with a group of your friends, one of them might be taking a selfie and posting it to social media, Another is writing a review about the establishment for Yelp. A third is tweeting a pic of her dinner. Are you even talking?
But when you are getting spanked, you are getting 100 percent of the undivided attention of the person spanking you. You get their total and complete attention, something that is very rare in this day and age. That is what I mean by “connection,” an emotion that I believe many people crave deeply in this day of bots and 24/7 cable news diversion and division.
And this connection is happening in a loving, nurturing environment. I have to tell you:time and again the one thing I see is how much the spanker cares for the well being of the spankee and vice versa. It’s a relationship built on trust, intimacy (not necessarily sexual intimacy, although for some that is the case) and a very loving relationship. Throughout the spanking and certainly by the end of it, the spankee tends to feel very loved and cared for. (My spankings always end with a hug and sometimes with cuddling — aftercare is important!)
Whether it’s a man who spanks women, or a woman who spanks men (or men who spank men or women who spank women), I have found that spankos (both spankees and spankers) are the kindest people in the world and not cruel, bad or weird people. Above all, spankos, regardless of role, gender, orientation, race, age, anything, really, want to build a warm, wonderful world of love and connecting.
It’s all about the love of spanking.
About the Author
Miss Jenn Davis has been a Professional Disciplinarian & Spankologist for the past 4 years. Although she is based out of Seattle, she spends most of her time touring the US. She does phone consultations as well as producing and starring in spanking and fetish video and audio clips. Her website is http://www.missjenndavis.