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Mistress Sky

Raise Your Hand If You are a Sensualist

July 17, 2017 By Mistress Sky 8 Comments

Not everyone is into pain (for pleasure). Not everyone who enjoys kink is into pain. A sensualist is not into pain. There are tens of thousands of sensualist dominants, sensualist submissives, sensualist slaves, and sensualist kinky players out in the wild who know what sensualism is about. Many of those thousands are entangled with the SM part of BDSM waters because it’s all that they know about. Many more will never begin their kink journey because they think that all BDSM activity includes pain. Pain lovers and non-pain lovers are all seeking intense pleasure or fascinating altered states or both but we get there by different paths.

Sensualism and being a sensualist are one end of the BDSM spectrum. Only part of the range is concerned with pain as the avenue to intense pleasure and wonderful altered states of consciousness. Another part of the range is in pursuit of the same goals but without pain in any form.

Sensualism is a commitment to adult play without pain and with an intention of inducing intense pleasure and/or desirable altered states of consciousness. Sensualist refers to the play participant, Top or Bottom, who loves all manner of ways to reach intense pleasure and/or desirable altered states without inducing pain.

Sensual fun is not what makes someone a sensualist. Sensuality is not sensualism. Two different things. Anyone along the BDSM spectrum might burn a scented candle or set the scene with low lighting and soft sheets. Pain lovers can use sensual techniques but that does not make them sensualists. They are sadists and masochists and, sometimes, some of them like to use sensual techniques in their scenes.

Biology or biochemistry, actually, determines whether someone is a no-pain-for-pleasure person. It is helpful to think of kinky people dividing into two categories: the pain seeking group gets a flow of endorphins in the brain that floats them into a higher space. Their brain chemistry is like that. Sensualists have very different wiring. If we feel pain during a scene we are not feeling affection for the Top who delivered the too strong sensation to our bodies. We just feel pain and hurt and maybe distrust for the Top. To a sensualist, pain is just pain. It will never deliver pleasure or anything wonderful to a sensualist’s body/mind.

On the other hand, sensualists are not pain-averse as a characteristic of being a sensualist. They can give pain in a context of consensual play as a matter of choice. A sensualist might top a masochist bottom in order to share a mutually desired experience or result with a play friend. A sensualist bottom might endure pain as a demonstration of his loyalty to his mistress.

Being a sensualist is as lively and fulfilling as any other kink lifestyle. Think of a kink activity. If it can’t be done without pain (cutting, for example) then it is not on a sensualist’s list. If it can be done and it has nothing to do with causing or receiving pain then it is sensualist good. If it is associated with pain but can be controlled away from pain then it can be included on the sensualist list. So, for example, impact play (flogging, caning, whipping, spanking, paddling) is associated with SM and pain but there is no reason why a sensualist Top cannot use impact play in a scene. Their sensualist Bottom would receive light to strong sensations in the body without ever entering the pain range. A sensualist Top would, in this example, explore a range of sensations short of giving pain. Sensualist fun for all.

Sensualists can play nice or they can play right at the edge of pain. Did you know that? A slow, even hair pulling within limits can be sexually stimulating for sensualist Top or a sensualist Bottom. Sensualists can play right at the edge of orgasm and enjoy riding the drug-like high. Look over there. That just might be a contented, sleepy-eyed sensualist curled up inside his mistress’s cage.

Not every kinky person is in to pain. This is good information for every Top who wants to best understand their prospective play partner. Sensualists need to know that they are not alone but rather are a large portion of a strongly diverse BDSM spectrum. We can all appreciate the existence of different paths to reach intense pleasure and/or altered states of consciousness whether you are a pain person or a no-pain person.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: dominant, education, sensualist, subspace, Terminology

Opinion: How S-types See Their Dominan Deeply

October 31, 2016 By Mistress Sky 2 Comments

play partner

It is my experience that my submissives relate to me on several different levels all at once. In this article I’d like to play with the possibility that there are five identifiable levels. Their way of looking at their dom(me) and breathing your greatness can be thought of as falling into five categories. These groupings start at a barely human, earthy level and escalate to a spiritual high, landing you and your S-type at again a barely human level but this time up in the clouds.

I am a domme of twelve years experience. My submissive male partner and I have been together for seven years and counting. I am polyamorous and have had other relationships. As Mistress, my kink life has included temporary subs plus relationships with males and females. This is the context in which I bring you one of my deeper thoughts for your consideration.

Now, I need to say that there is no judgment about any level. These are happening with great overlap. On an everyday basis, three or four levels may be operating at once. It’s never five at once, however, since the highest and the lowest cancel each other out.

Remember, these are my ruminations about how S-types view their particular D-type and not D’s in general.

The S-type is making a one-to-one correlation in their imagination but more than that in their subconscious about what a dominant has to be. A character trait or physical trait is being associated with what it means to be dominant. For the most part the submissive or slave has no idea that they are doing this. The Inner Self needs what it needs. It goes looking for what it needs. A S-type that deeply needs a very large bodied dominant is never, ever going to take a skinny-bodied person seriously as their dominant. This is not a conscious choice.

What are these levels?:
1. At the top is a demi-god reverence.
2. Just below it is a best self.
3. An everyday self.
4. An everyday self.
5. At the bottom is a reverence for something base and earthy.

Demi-god means that a dominant is a representative for god or gods. The submissive or slave is making his dominant a stand in for their religious or spiritual practices. The S-type is not considering the Master or Mistress or Owner as the literal human who stands before them. That serves a great need for the S. Service is the point. But service at this level is a momentary thing and the S is grateful to get a glimpse at this higher self for themselves. They are the ones who are lifted higher. I know a couple who swear that in these moments she lifts him, too.

Best Self level is you or me cleaned up and presentable and more than either of us can hold at every moment. We can pull this one out if we need to though. The S-type has certainly seen this one repeatedly.

Everyday Self. Well, this one has two levels because comparatively one is shiny’r than the other. Let’s say this one is you or me before we have gotten that first cup of coffee in the morning and the other is one of us after the caffeine has kicked in. The S-type sees their dominant most strongly and that’s the point.

The Bottom level is really the bottom. It probably is not you or me. It is less than we can put out on an everyday basis. However, I have known a couple that seemed to like to hover around the earthy level as often as possible. The female dominant told me that she enjoyed gardening. Her slave male liked to catch her before she’d taken a shower. The smelly, naturalness drove him wild, literally. He was triggered into his animal persona. He met her on all fours as she entered the house and would not let her ignore him. She had special chains and cuffs on the bed for restraining him. Neither thought that the base reverence of his Mistress was a bad thing. This could also be the dominant who has not had much sleep or for any other reason really does not have themselves together temporarily and their S-type is particularly drawn to them right then. I’m thinking of myself at the airport after many hours of flight. I was lucky to have a slave who was eager to serve by getting my bags and driving us home and tucking me into bed.

What is the importance of thinking in levels to the submissive or slave? Well, there’s the S-type who is looking for their dominant. It’s good to know what the strongest attraction is for them. What if a brainy intellectual dominant does it for them? That information should be the strongest lead as they search. If a particular body type rings their Inner Voice then lead with that. Other traits can be secondary. Once the S-type has their desired dominant then, in my opinion, it is good to understand the dynamic between them. Instead of a mysterious, wondrous something that draws you to me you’ll know why. For instance, it is better to know that the highest level can only happen in momentary events. Your appreciation of those moments and of me will be greater.

What is the importance of levels to the dominant? How might this way of thinking make the D a better D? Might there be better care of the S? The D is experienced at using everything that presents itself in making the power dynamic sing. If the S is particularly excited by the body type or the spiritual persona or the deep voice of the dominant then the D can play with that aspect. They can make it more enhanced and draw the S to them tightly or knowingly reduce the attraction. The D really should remember that the S has a great desire for the highest levels so offer your S those special moments—the D/s or M/s moment of circulated dominant and submissive energy and true intimacy—so that they get there. If your S gets there through the base level then have at it.

The goals for the couple get played out in whatever form of power dynamic the couple has established, which has at its core some unique attractants like the S being drawn powerfully to his/her master/mistress.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: dominant, dynamic, power exchange, relationship, s-stype, submissive

Power Exchange Dating: Part Three

August 15, 2016 By Mistress Sky 2 Comments

Read parts one and two here.

The Search for a S-type Life Partner

This is the last of three articles that considers what dating issues to keep in mind if you want to ease on into a power exchange partnership. This article is for those who want to find their S – type (submissive or slave).

How can I know if my dating partner is The One? Let’s think of how a person prepares to be in a power exchange relationship. Just how does a dominant dating person sharpen their focus to reach a goal of finding their S (submissive or slave)?

Things to Know from the Get-go
Think of dating as your own personal system of discovery. Your goal should always be dominance/submission partnership. Always be headed toward negotiations. Negotiations officially mark the beginning of a wonderful structured (your agreements) relationship.

How Prepared are You to Be a Partner
Dominant is not domineering. Dominance/submission calls for real leadership. You can check out your leadership muscles by reading business leadership classics like Whale Done by Kenneth Blanchard. Peter Masters’ The Control Book is excellent for understanding the power dynamic. Additionally, Raven Kaldera’s Building the Team and Dear Raven and Joshua teach a M/s model that shows D-type and the S-type responsibilities as complementary. Read a lot.

Dominants take the most responsibility for the structural elements of the relationship. Expect to have the most focus on macro items like the direction of the relationship. Find a good mentor if you are new. Cultivate healthy community for yourself now and later for you and your partner.

Be prepared to articulate an excellent description of your understanding of dominance/submission. Be ready to answer questions about how you would like to proceed. Be flexible in your thinking. Practice inclusive decision making so that you and your partner can act as an effective team.

In the Big Picture What Should a S-type Be?
Self-assurance, self-respect, and self-development equal healthy self-efficacy as opposed to dependency. Learn to recognize the difference. How well does the S-type speak up about their needs?

Think of the S-type as the implementing partner. The implementing partner takes your mutually held goals and runs with them. You want a good follow-through kind of partner. You should be experiencing their supportive energy and actions even as you date.

Your right person consistently will show you kindness, respect, and support as your dating history accumulates.

What are the Traits of Your Ideal S – type?
Know what your Dealbreakers are and be honest enough to discuss these openly and early. Your Must Have list should be short if it is to be realistic. Now, keep these in mind but hold them loosely, not with a closed-minded iron hand.

You, the dominant, must lead explicit discussions about control in the relationship. You should really like and enjoy the S-person’s reactions to what you have to say. How you handle yourself in one situation after another should be a shared pleasure.

Notice when your Big, Bad Dom(me) energy seems to rise to the surface. This is a good clue about the S-partner that you need. Can you associate this feeling with any people traits? For instance, in the movies a strong, independent hero(ine) comes on the screen and your dom(me) energy swells. Or, the hero part of the film comes and you see yourself as that hero saving the day for some curly haired, dimple-cheeked sub girl or boy. Was it the dark curly hair or the dimples that did it for you?

What Should You Avoid While Power Exchange Dating?
We, all, want to avoid dishonest, unethical people. Ask the person you are dating for references and check them. If they balk then consider their absence in your life as no loss.

You want to avoid manipulation and power grabs. Power With, not Power Over. Power With refers to sharing and true consent throughout the relationship, inclusiveness, excellent communication strategies, and empowerment for all. Power Over equals abuse. At the first signs of manipulation you have serious decisions to make about whether you are going forward. As for power grabs from the S side, watch out for struggles over control. You want to be vigilant about control that’s been ceded to you but then withdrawn later—a power grab from the S side. Such struggles can be dealt with or maybe this isn’t your person.

Some S-types will seem to run out of energy and/or lose focus as time passes. In that case, avoid a second date.

Always be Headed toward Negotiations
You, the dominant, should want to conclude dating with formal negotiations. Be gracious even if your date isn’t The One for You at This Time. But with one or more prospective S-types you’ll notice an easy partnership forming over time. Through your agreement-making you and your S-type partner are forming a vision of who you want to be. Congrats.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: bdsm dating, dating, lifestyle dating, power exchange, relationships

Power Exchange Dating: Part Two

August 8, 2016 By Mistress Sky 2 Comments

Read part one here.

Dating Search for the Just Right Dominant

How can I know if my dating partner is The One? When we consider this question in a dominance/submission light it becomes more than just a dating advice question. Let’s consider how a dating person might sharpen their focus to increase the likelihood of finding their D (dominant).

This is the second of three articles that consider what issues to keep in mind if you want to ease on into a D/S (M/s) partnership. This article is for those who seek a D-type.

Things to Know from the Get-go
1. First, distinguish in your own mind that you are different from the general dating crowd.
2.You want a life partner who is strongly committed to power exchange. You want them to build a long-term sustainable loving relationship . . . with you.
3.Consider what you have to offer a potential mate, as well.
4.Then, date. Have fun. Think of dating as your own personal system of discovery.
5.Your goal should be to settle into dominance/submission partnership.
6.Last, always be headed toward negotiations. Negotiations officially mark the beginning of a wonderful structured (agreement-based) relationship.

How Prepared are You to Be a Partner
Yes, it really is a good idea to give some honest thought to your own preparedness. Think “partner” all the while you are dating. “Partner” in short means being a continuously active contributor toward the good health of the relationship. So, what do you have to offer? Maybe, you are college-educated or highly skilled. Are you a professional chef or a wonderful home cook? Organizational skills? How developed are your soft skills such as being a really good listener, having patience, being observant?

How able are you to speak about your needs? Can you speak up for yourself? It’s a good idea to work on being a clear communicator.

In the Big Picture What Should a D-type Be?
You want to see self-assurance, self-respect, and evidence that self-development is important. What kind of dominance/submission is this person practicing? The dominant takes the most responsibility for structural elements like where the relationship is going and monitoring the health of the relationship. Is this the relationship container that you want to walk into and live within? How much experience does this person have? Do you mind if they have little experience and are proposing that you learn together? If that’s the case, then what’s their plan for learning?

What are the Traits of Your Ideal D–type?
Notice how your date behaves with other people. How decisive are they? How kind are they? Where is the evidence that they genuinely care about others? Know what your Dealbreakers are.

Write down your own deeply-held Must Haves. Perhaps you feel a deep thrill inside when you submit to a big-bodied, physically strong dominant. Perhaps, what your Deeper Self is hungry for is a big brain intellectual. Maybe at the top of your list is a very spiritually-oriented dominant. Maybe an energetic, fun, goofy personality or a sports lover is what gets your gut excited.

What Should You Avoid While Power Exchange Dating?
Vet your prospective dominant. Your search is for someone who is ethical and caring. Ask the person you are dating for references and check them. If they balk then consider their absence in your life as no loss.

Remember—deference is in your submissive hands. You and the dominant should be able to talk explicitly about control. As long as you are comfortable with the slanting of power and control then great. Did it happen at a deliberate pace that makes you feel good? Are you giving up some control because you want to do so?

You want to avoid manipulation and power grabs. Dominance does not mean domineering. Dominance should always mean true leadership. A real leader practices Power With, not Power Over. Power With refers to sharing, true consent throughout the relationship, inclusiveness, excellent communication strategies, and empowerment for all. Power Over equals abuse.

Use your intuition to stay safe. It’s a natural alarm system. Listen to it and ACT. If a situation supports your empowerment then go forth. If your gut is gripping tight even a little then HOLD UP. If things are questionable now during dating don’t think that they will improve once you, two, commit. Don’t make excuses for the other person’s behavior.

Don’t feel stuck. Ever. Initial consent is not final. Repeatedly review if you have what you want and if this is what makes you giddy.

Always be Headed toward Negotiations
Now, you are considering this person seriously. You will have noticed an easy partnership forming over time. Time for formal negotiations. Some people like relationship contracts, a non-legal document that sets down your agreements. It feels great to form agreements and live by them. With or without a contract, your joint intention is to meet all needs. Go forth into your wonderful future as a healthy, happy D/s (M/s) couple negotiating again and again as needed.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: dating, relationship

Power Exchange Dating: Part One

August 1, 2016 By Mistress Sky 2 Comments

handcuffed couple

While there is plenty of kink to be had solo there is no power exchange without a partner or partners. Gotta get out there and rub yourself a little somethin’. Mingle. Talk to people. Engage with the kinky masses. Once you do, you may not call what you do “dating” and that’s okay. But, is that just because it’s happening inside the BDSM world?

This is the first of three articles that will discuss dating for those of us who love the power exchange. The world would spin a little better if everyone or, at least, some of us, kinky people, could find their best partners. Here are two strategies that might give power exchange seekers their best chance: kink play and vanilla dating.

Dating Strategy #1: Kink play/relationship
Kinky singles may start their search for a prospective mate at munches, clubs, and at kink events. Within these like-minded herds a kinky single can get busy: talking with people, watching or participating in demos, and probably with play. Kinky singles are everywhere. That’s true: private parties, kink events, ticket-purchase public parties, conferences, and clubs.

Public or private play might give you your first experiences with negotiations with the person you like. Remember that negotiations are not a guarantee. Rather, negotiations are an exercise in working cooperatively. They are an active proof of whether you should go forward. Doesn’t that sound something like negotiating later to see if you should go forward into a relationship?

Your play experiences, public or private, are likely to be good relationship practice. Play partners have to trust each other. Play partners have to communicate well. Play partners have to be flexible and work together. Kinky play done well can give you good practice being a good listener. You can practice speaking up for yourself. Play sessions will help you with being sensitive to your partner’s needs.

Sex can be part of your assessment. Sex for some people demonstrates how well or not a desirable shift in power has happened. Did control already defer to the dominant? How much control? Are the dating partners ready to commit?

Dating Strategy #2: start with vanilla dating
In strategy number two we have vanilla people who might cross over into the kink world. They continue into a kink-centric, power exchange relationship. Their deliberate agreements and commitment are kink normal. If they had remained in the vanilla world they might only have known about the boyfriend/girlfriend model. It says that love is enough to support making a life together. The ubiquitous vanilla world, boyfriend/girlfriend model is not known for its deliberate or explicit agreement–making as necessary.

A woman at a munch spoke about why vanilla dating still had value for kinky people. She said that you have to know each other first.

It’s also possible that kinky people may step out for a little vanilla dating activity. Sure, why not. The dating couple can step into non-kink as a deliberate choice. Their challenge is to know each other better. They might see a few new movies, stroll along the lake, travel to the Caribbean, and take up rock climbing before returning to BDSM environments and the lifestyle.

A dominant male once said, “there is life and self outside of kink that has to be dealt with.” In his own life, by way of example, there’s how to coordinate three live-in adults and a part-time adult plus X–number of children all in one household.

Think about vanilla dating as a means for trust building. Imagine brave kinky couples contemplating a committed relationship. They are taking their negotiating skills, their play scene partnering experiences, and more from the kink world into the vanilla world. The test is whether they can like and love each other as equals first. They’ll apply the higher level of trust that they’ve worked to achieve to a relationship as dominant and sub/slave. Their kink muscles will be stronger and serve them well along the whole journey of growing closer.

Multiple Paths to Dating Success
On either of these paths or their variations anyone wanting a successful dating result should take a high interest in their date’s wants and needs. Avoid using people just as a means to get what you want. By concentrating on your dating partner’s needs you are more likely to find the pleasure and satisfaction you sought for yourself. The power exchange requires strong partnering. Behaving like a partner even in a light sense during dating can only set a solid footing toward the stable, long-term relationship you most desire.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: dating, relationships, vanilla dating

All You Can Eat Buffet: An Approach to BDSM

January 18, 2016 By Mistress Sky 1 Comment

Fetish Hand cuffs, collar, whip dominatrix

Not everyone is fortunate enough to cross the boundary into kink accompanied by a friend or a mentor. New people might say to themselves “well, I have to look around, see what my options are, and then I’ll figure out where I want to be. I have to see everything first.” That’s the All You Can Eat Buffet approach. So, what might be better? How about a Be True to Self approach. It is far more likely to support a new person’s right to retain control over what they experience and over personal safety.

The wildly experiential nature of the All You Can Eat Buffet can seem attractive to anyone. Why not wield a flogger or cast a whip or drip some wax? We’ve, all, watched other people do it, so, how hard can it be? Someone might feel pressured into saying “yes” the first time that someone contacts them online. Or, they might exaggerate their BDSM experience the first time that someone approaches them at a club. So, it’s “yes” to pretty much whatever this or that stranger encourages them to do.

All You Can Eat Buffet can look like s-types (submissives or slaves) doing whatever a dominant says as a necessary element of their identity as an s-type. That’s fine in a trusting and respectful relationship with negotiated boundaries in which both partners know their rights. “You can say ‘no’ at any time.” Otherwise, disrespect is possible and, at the extreme end, abuse can erode any relationship.

By strong contrast, Being True to Self begins with turning inward. Listen to what feelings are kicking up. Using one’s feelings as a navigation system is a wise move in life in general. It’s a terrific choice as you stroll along BDSM paths, specifically. If a situation feels uncomfortable then turn away. That awful feeling in the pit of your stomach when danger is nearby is a warning. Go elsewhere. Let your feelings guide you toward good people and great situations for you. That’s when your internal navigation system rewards you with “yay,” “that feels right,” “ooh, give me more.” “Personal responsibility and risk management are really the point.”

Doing whatever it takes to stay safe is an important aspect of Being True to Self. Listening to your built-in navigation system is good for the individual and good for our kink communities. We can protect each other. “There are good and bad people everywhere, vanilla or not. Take the time to learn first so you can make informed decisions.”

Our communities are full up with genuinely caring people who think of it as an honor to help newcomers. But it is crucial to recognize that BDSM is a world with open doors, porous walls, and people of every type. So, none of us should hesitate to ask for references and to vet potential play or relationship partners: “I vet people. If I don’t know someone I will reach out to people on their friends list.” You might want to stick with people who are well known in your local community. That’s Being True to Self.

It really is okay to let yourself embrace whatever feels good to you within BDSM and leave the rest alone. In truth, there is no such thing as seeing all that’s available in our kink communities. Design your kink journey slowly and with patience and all the while listening to that internal guidance system of yours. Ask yourself, “What Do I Need?” Ask yourself that question again and again. You have a right to your own personal happiness. Create what’s right for you with the people you choose to interact with rather than be pulled and pushed by external forces. That’s Being True to Self.

The kink community gains yet another strong and alert member when the new person walks about mindfully. That’s one more set of eyes, wide open. Then, it is of less consequence that someone is new. The new person who is practicing Being True to Self has a lot to contribute and that alone makes our kink communities stronger.

Mistress Sky is a tantra practitioner, bondage queen, and hypnotist. Professionally, Sky is a life positive counselor for alternative lifestyles at Gates Counseling. She gives presentations and workshops and writes about Unequal Partnership, the dominance/submission model that she developed over the last ten years.

Tagged With: Journey, newbies

Product Spotlight: Bound Boxes

November 16, 2015 By Mistress Sky 4 Comments

bondage box

Just in time for the holiday season, Kink Weekly will be presenting Product Spotlights on new and favorite kink/BDSM related items. Below, Mistress sky tells us about Bound Boxes. We are also offering a Bound box as the giveaway this week. Enjoy!-anniebear

Bound Boxes creates beautiful gift boxes and baskets with a kinky theme. Our boxes contain only the finest bath and beauty products made by craftspeople from the kink community. Every box tells a story and includes a kinky toy or other surprise. Bound Boxes: gifts created by kinky people for kinky people.

Ever want to give a gift that definitely has a kink vibe to it but isn’t the all too obvious impact implement? Bound Boxes is a new business that has the intention of designing beauty that’s reflective of our various BDSM cultures. So, it made sense to go to the makers and craftspeople within our kink communities. They, like you and me, are alive with kink sensibilities and real passion.

Bound Boxes seemed like just the right name for our gift boxes since the first thing of interest is the decorative rope knots that I create. I am a rigger, a rope bondage top. A year ago I began to experiment with hemp cord tied on a box with the idea of mimicking the ties that I was accustomed to using on the human body. Imagine for yourself a classic diamond design down your own torso. Now switch that rope image to the surface of a rectangular black paper box. Same diamonds. I do box knots. I do suspension ties on little boxes. Imagine. Or, go and see for yourself here.

Picture little black boxes made of recycled paper. On the inside there is folded tissue paper holding a lotion, a generous bar of hemp soap or two, maybe bath treats or a Man Bomb. All of these use only natural ingredients. Most items are presented in cloth sacks. On the bottom is a special little gauze gift bag that contains a surprise kinky toy. Who doesn’t like a surprise that will make you smile? On the outside that wonderful black box is tied in rope, usually hemp cord. These are my own designs that I think will put the gift receiver in mind of rope bondage on the body. At least one single item gets tied up as well. When you go to the site, give yourself a self-directed treasure hunt and find the Bound Lingam. We haven’t stopped laughing at ourselves for coming up with that one.

We are kinky people crafting for kinky people. Our tagline is “natural bath products with a kinky surprise.” Our crafters are hardworking folks running home businesses. A single business, Fat Kat Kinky Soaps and Candles, turns out high quality lotions, soaps, massage oil bars, shampoo bars, and bath salts. A variety of makers supply Bound Boxes with little toys like stingers and mini floggers. One maker creates small simple jewelry like collar tags, key chains, and charms. Our Big Bound Box—isn’t that a fun name?—gracefully shows off some larger special gifts: we have three types of wooden paddles made by The Paddle Guy of Connecticut and two soft floggers made by Lady Betty of Massachusetts. They sell their items on Etsy or via their own websites. Bound Boxes provides additional advertising for them all through the year. Kinky people for kinky people.

Bound Boxes has an attractive, easy-to-navigate website with general categories like Mistress, Master, Littles, Just Kinky, Submissive or Slave, Build a Box. However, each box is created by me for the person I am imagining using the products: the Mistress is strong, firm, precise in her actions, thoughtful, makes her decisions with great care, guiding. She bathes and ritualistically cleanses her soul in preparation for new responsibilities and new adventures.

Bound Boxes are terrific gifts for any kind of special event such as collaring ceremonies, weddings, award programs, contests, and holiday parties. Bound Boxes belong in private homes, BDSM clubs, and other public places. We have an Aftercare Box to take with you for public or private play parties. Bed & Breakfast establishments can benefit from offering a Bound Box in their guest rooms. We do custom boxes. We make baskets, too. It is entirely possible that a wider customer base than those who identify as kinky might enjoy our sophisticated little boxes, as well. That would be a good thing.

We are interested in your ideas for new Bound Boxes. Tell us what kind of box theme is appropriate in your life or among your friends. We’ve already been asked to create boxes specific to the slave mindset. We’re working on it. Visit us here. We’re on Facebook; you can leave your ideas there. Or, send your requests to me, Mistress Sky, boundboxes@gmail.com.

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