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PirateStan

What Did You Do This Weekend?

October 13, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments


‘What’d you do this weekend?’ ask vanilla friends

Like a great many kinky people, we have kinky friends and we have vanilla friends. Some of our vanilla friends are aware of our particular proclivities and are interested, more or less (usually less).  Of course, we have family. Inevitably, family are pretty much hopelessly vanilla. I don’t know why, but it always seems to be this way.

Sometimes I’ll run into them on a Monday or a Tuesday and they’ll ask, “So, what’d you do this weekend?” Other times it’s a Friday and, “What do you have planned for this weekend?”

It can be a tough one to answer because, honestly, I’d like to tell everyone about the kinkalicious activities we’ve enjoyed, or have planned.  Still, Americans are so incredibly uptight about sex and sexuality that it’s simply not a topic to address. The one time we seemed to be lightening up was in the ’70s, and that pretty much imploded when AIDS arrived. We’ve reverted to general prudery ever since.

Oh sure, there’s the occasional “50 Shades” type phenomenon, but even those are viewed as oddball anomalies, a societal Rumspringa where we leech all of our sexual weirdness as if lancing a boil. Then we go back to our once-a-month-missionary-position coitus with our spouse, for procreation purposes only.

“But really,” they ask, “What’d you do this weekend?”

This past weekend was actually pretty boring. On Saturday we went out for a few beers, headed to the grocery store, then came home, ate deli pizza, drank wine, and watched Amazon Prime (need to catch up on ‘Downton Abbey’ so we can go see the movie). Yup, we are officially adults. Sunday was a long bout of kinky sex, changing the sheets, starting laundry, a bit of cleaning and straightening, followed by some Netflix-and-chill.

Yeah, you read that right. Even our boring-ass weekends tend to have some period of kinky fuckery. But I can’t tell them that!

Of course, the previous weekend we were at a party with naked people getting tied up, stuck with needles, being beaten black-and-blue, set on fire, and all sorts of other kinky fuckery. The evening ending with most of us bundling in the hot tub, still naked. Seriously, swimsuits are awful. I totally get those European dudes who wear the Speedos regardless of age and body type.

Previous weekends have found us at parties where there are actually orgies, although we don’t tend to partake. Even in January, when that door opens, and the warm, humid air smelling of sweat, bodies, lube, and sex wafts out, all I can think of is, “A stranger’s bodily fluids. Ick”.

(And if that’s your thing, I will grok, Water Brother. But you’ve got no worry of competition from me.)

Sometimes I really want to tell them the truth, merely to watch their heads explode. Because they’ll take one look at us and think of how fat, old people aren’t supposed to do this sort of thing. Of course, when I was still young and thin I had no idea this world existed. Such is life.

I was recently at a vanilla wedding for some dear friends, Master and slave, who were tying the knot legally for any of a variety of reasons. I was tasked with giving the “best man” speech and I think I nailed it. It’s been a few years since I’ve been asked, but I’ve always been pretty good at them.

After, one of his old friends pressed me on how we’d met. I went to my standby of “a local book group” before realizing that, hey, he’s not much of a reader (as much as I love him). I recovered with, “But it’s as much as media group as books,” before launching into several minutes of how much we loved ‘Avengers: Endgame’ and couldn’t wait for ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ to come out on Blu-Ray.

I think he bought it. Before too long the talk was of firearms, hunting, and the best ways to preserve venison.

So yeah. “What’d you do this weekend?”. Damn, but that’s a loaded question.

I’ll finish by pointing out that we own a home in a boring, suburban neighborhood where I suspect we are the oddest thing. And we have some stereotypically vanilla neighbors. The same sort of place a great many of we kinksters reside. And have parties.

If only they knew.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

When It’s In Your DNA

September 28, 2019 By PirateStan 5 Comments


When kink is part of your relationship’s DNA, there can be times when you take it for granted. For me, as a Master, it’s in the assumptions of my girl’s service to me, that she’ll always be there when I need her, that she’ll dutifully tend to my needs even, perhaps, when she’s not necessarily in the mood.

Of course, I’ve never been someone who was \capable of taking something which wasn’t freely given. So when she’s not in the mood, I tend to not be inclined to press things. As she’s grown older and entered perimenopause it’s increasingly become an issue. Simply put, she’s often not “in the mood”. However, she typically finds herself *in* said mood once we start a scene. 

So I often find myself in the somewhat awkward position of having to take what’s not necessarily being offered. But given that I’m with my girl of many years, and that this is something we’ve had many discussions about, we’ve made it work quite well.

What is it they say, “Getting older sucks, but it beats the alternative”.

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We recently vacationed in Scotland, renting a cozy cabin deep in the Highlands. It was everything my Celtic blood called out for, with views outside our patio door which literally took your breath away. To say it was isolated would be an understatement; while there were a few homes vaguely nearby, the overall silence was deafening. Except for the bleating of the sheep grazing nearby. It was picturesque to a level I’d only ever dreamed of.

Enter our kinky selves. The chance to photograph zeirah’s loveliness against such a scenic backdrop was irresistible and inevitable. While initially reluctant, she quickly warmed to the scenario, even as the Highland winds and chill whipped around her bound and gagged body.

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It all started out as a token photoshoot; the bondage would be perfunctory, it would only *look* like she was tied up. I’d taken pics of her on the deck of our little Highlands cabin previously, only this time it would appear as if she was in bondage.

But it quickly became very real.

The weather had been cloudy, chilly, and rainy all morning. But around noon the sun came out, the breeze picked up, and it seemed considerably more friendly outside. Stepping onto the deck it was around 60 degrees with 15-20 mph winds. In the sun it felt warmer. We decided to give it a go.

I’d brought the leather bondage mittens on the trip because we routinely use them in our bedroom play. Consequently, they formed the initial basis of the bondage. Within less than a minute her hands were secured behind her back in a way that (experience had shown) she could not get loose from.

Then I took the duct tape, purchased at a newsagents, and wrapped it around her torso, underneath her breasts. I went around one, two, three, four, five times, each wrap becoming tighter and bringing her arms further behind her back, her elbows closer and closer together. Suddenly this “perfunctory” bondage was becoming rather secure.

She sat as I secured the belt around her ankles, then tied up her bare feet and toes. I had her stand to ensure that the bindings weren’t too tight, then had her sit again. “My ankles are loose. You need to make the belt tighter,” she said. As I cinched them up, the bondage suddenly seemed considerably more secure than I’d initially intended; she was really tied up, with no real way to get loose.

I’d initially thought to do an “X” duct tape gag, which looks good but isn’t actually effective; it’s easy to remove with a little bit of work. But since she was so well secured otherwise I decided to go for a full “eight-strip” gag. Her eyes became very wide as she realized what I was doing.

By the time I removed the chair and had her stand for the pics the sun had disappeared, the winds had picked up, and the temperature had dropped. Half-naked, unbalanced, with her hair whipping around her face, this was suddenly a very real photoshoot.

She dutifully posed for the many pics I took, then struggled and “mmmphed” accordingly for the subsequent video. Her frustrated struggles in the cold and wind weren’t rehearsed, and looked quite excellent.

After we were done she wriggled and stomped her feet, mmphing in their direction, so I brought the chair back to untie her feet and toes. After they were loosed she quickly walked over to the cabin’s patio door, sliding it open with her shoulder before going inside. She sat on the couch and took in the warmth, wriggling her chilly toes before the electric fireplace.

As I removed the duct tape gag, I realized that this Scottish stuff was considerably more sticky than what we typically used, and that there was no way she could have worked it loose. Peeling it off required some real effort, and she was very happy when it was gone. I used scissors to remove the tape around her body (which it left no residue on her clothes), then let her loose from the mittens and cuffs.

What began as a nothing burger quickly turned into a real scene. And one which soon enough was finalized in the bedroom.

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When it’s in your relationship’s DNA it’s going to happen no matter the circumstances. Or perhaps because of them. Regardless, take advantage and enjoy when you can. Even if it’s more than a little windy and cold.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

BDSM On The Road

September 8, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments


My girl and I are getting ready to go away on vacation (to Scotland, if it matters). And sure, we’re planning to see the sights, eat the food, drink the drinks, and experience the countryside. But we’re also planning more than a bit of kinky, intimate time for ourselves because, well, what’s a vacation for? However, given that we’re flying overseas, it’s not really practical for us to lug around an extra suitcase’s worth of straps, rope, gags, floggers, paddles, singletails, and various other implements of destruction. 

Never mind the embarrassment should TSA call us out (honestly we don’t care), never mind that it might get stolen (that would really suck, as we have some nice gear and it’d be difficult to replace some of it). We simply don’t want to be dragging yet another bag around, one which we’ll have to pack and re-pack as we travel from place-to-place. Particularly since kink isn’t our primary reason for traveling (although engaging in kinky fuckery in exotic locales can be a great deal of fun).

So what’s a hardup kinkster to do when they’re stranded in a foreign land sans their well-worn and practiced gear? Why improvise! And it’s not terribly difficult or even expensive.

First up for us is stuff to get zeirah tied up. A quick visit to your local hardware store will have you up and running in no time at all. Pick up some cling film/pallet wrap, duct tape, a few coils of cotton clothesline, and perhaps some zip ties, and you’ll be good to go. The cling film does double duty, as it’s both good base for duct tape bondage, or you can coil it up for an improvised rope. Meanwhile the tape, clothesline, and zip ties are self explanatory.

In a pinch, simply pick up a few sheets and rip them into strips. I don’t recommend you use the ones found in your room. I also don’t recommend you surreptitiously lift a set from your hotel maid’s cart. Certainly not unless you’re planning on disposing of them well outside the purview of said hotel.

Personally, I’ll add some string, since I love to tie my girl’s bare feet and toes. Oh, and it’s probably a good idea to add a utility knife or some scissors to the list, since you’re going to need to cut somebody loose, and you may not have your usual pocket knife with you (given TSA regulations and the like).

Meanwhile, you’ll need some implements of destruction with which you can get medieval on your girl’s ass (and other delicate parts; YMMV). Where can you find such implements of kinky fuckery should you be touring the rural beauty of the Scottish Highlands and countryside? 

Truth is, most countries have taken a cue from America and have their own version of “Everything’s a Dollar” and “Dollar General”. In Scotland, it’s “Poundland” and “Pound World” (indeed, the ones we visited in 2017 were right next to each other, in the same mall). Just like in the U.S. of A. you can find a variety of spatulas, wooden spoons, cutting boards, rulers, and the usual various-and-sundry, all for the same pocket change you can find them stateside. I’m thinking I don’t need to tell you what to do with them.

Don’t forget the paint aisle, where you can get some wooden stirrers for free.

If you’re into sensation play, pick up some sisal twine or coconut rope. A hairbrush can do double duty as both an sensation and impact play toy.

So, really and for-true, you can improvise a fairly well-equipped dungeon experience for right around twenty bucks. And, best of all, you can leave it all behind when you come back. Although your hotel staff may wonder why you used so much duct tape and, hey, why did they have all these cooking implements when there’s no stove in the room?

One final tip: Do not, under any circumstances, hang your girl from the sprinkler head in the room! Grab a luggage cart for that sort of thing.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Torture Porn For The Masses

August 18, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments


Watching ‘Criminal Minds’ with last week and a scene came up that had all the earmarks of pure gold.

The gal had been securely strapped into a straitjacket, tape gagged and blindfolded, and her ankles were tied. She was even barefooted. There was struggling, squirming, and “mmph”-ing.

So I’m asked if I was enjoying the repeated bondage scenes.

“No,” I replied. “These aren’t fun DiD scenes; these are torture porn for the masses.”

Because these gals aren’t girlfriends who’re being held hostage to lure the good guy into rescuing them, or plucky heroines who’ll use their cleverness and determination to affect their own escape.

No, these are helpless plot devices who’ll be tortured, raped, or even killed. The realistic milieu that these shows are promoting leaves little room for the sort of fun DiD that I grew up with.

That the only people who tie up women are television today are sick freaks who want to torture, rape, and kill goes a long way towards showing how the mainstream thinks of MaleDom/femsub relationships.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have Finn show up for work one day with rope burns on her wrists and, after getting called on it by D.B., sheepishly admit to a “fun weekend” with her boyfriend? Even better… it becomes a running joke with her character; like she’s late for a meeting and says, “Sorry I’m late but I was tied up at the crime scene.”

Pregnant pause, everyone looks at her.

“Not literally!”

Everyone laughs.

“At least not this time…” she mutters.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Nature vs Nurture or Are We Born This Way?

August 11, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


It’s fascinating to me how consistent my sexual proclivities have remained over the years.

When I was only six-years-old I distinctly remember that there was a gal (maybe 12 or 13-years-old) who lived two doors over on whom I had a significant crush. Why? Because she had a distinct penchant for going about sans footwear. And when she did wear shoes, it was inevitably a pair of cheap foam flip flops.

Really, I saw a lot of this gal… my dad worked with her dad, so our families were friends, and she almost literally lived next door (two doors over actually). If I wasn’t at her place, she was at mine. We never socialized but, damn, did I get an eyeful of her lovely bare feet, time and again. I should add that the rest of her was pretty appealing as well, soft and curvy, not at all thin, but not fat. And lovely, thick, long dark hair.

People don’t think that a six-year-old can have these thoughts but, boy, did I ever.

Cemented in my mind is the day that she and some of her friends were playing with some boys their own age… and she along with one other gal, for some reason, ended up getting tied to a tree. Really and for true… right in the front yard!

My memory is crystal-clear. The other gal I was uninterested in; she had on sneakers and socks. But my lovely neighbor, she was wearing only her usual flip flops. The boys weren’t half bad riggers… I remember noting how they looped the rope around the wrists and ankles, ensuring that the gals couldn’t get loose.

But I was focused, laser-like, on her feet in those flip flops, hoping against hope that someone would go over and take them off. But I needn’t have worried… as she laughed and struggled she kicked off first one, then the other, the better that her bare soles and toes could dig in the dirt, futilely effecting her escape.

In a move that was bold beyond comprehension, I walked over, picked both of them up, and set them on the sidewalk, several feet from where she was tied. Ostensibly, I was being helpful. In reality, I didn’t want her to have any chance of putting them back on!

The struggles, and my voyeurism, went on for several minutes before my mother leaned out the door and called me in for dinner. She didn’t seem fazed in the slightest that there were two girls tied up by a bunch of boys. Was it a different world in 1971? Or are such tie-up games perfectly acceptable provided it’s just amongst the kids?

When I went back out after dinner, they were all gone, her flip flops as well. I remember that there were a few distinct bare foot prints in the dirt; I found the idea that she’d had to walk the several feet from the tree to the sidewalk in her bare feet strangely appealing.

The next day we were at her house (my parents were playing cards with hers) and she came down for a bit. I remember noticing that there were faint-but-distinct rope burns around her wrists and ankles.

My point again is… I was six-years-old, and my interest in bondage and bare feet was already well cemented. I remember watching and thinking, “Yes, that’s how it should be.” My fetishes weren’t formed by this incident… I already knew that I liked women who were barefooted, and that they should be tied and gagged. Seeing this was simply my first experience with actual BDSM.

I continue to believe that a proclivity towards BDSM or fetishes in general is hard-wired into our psyche, much like being straight or gay. I’m happy to have someone in my life who’s only too happy to indulge my kinks. Because, the older I get, the more I feel the need to indulge them, and on an increasingly regular basis.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

When D/s Looks Like Abuse, and Why You Should Care

July 27, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


If there’s one thing you quickly notice when you enter the scene, it’s how much a D/s or M/s relationship can mimic and resemble an abusive one. It’s as if we’re both wearing the same suit of clothes, only one is finely tailored out of a rich, Merino wool, and the other is an ill-fitting off-the-rack polyester affair from your local Wal-Mart. There simply is no comparison.

But it’s something which can often make people uncomfortable with entering into any sort of power exchange relationship. Worse, many new (and even not-so-new) people can’t quite tell them apart, which I’ve seen often enough lead to disaster. But really, the difference is actually pretty simple and generally as clear as a freshly-cleaned window pane.

It’s one of informed consent, that it’s something which is given, and which can be just as easily revoked.

And as difficult as it can be to tell if you’re actually a part of the lifestyle, imagine how things can look from the vanilla side of the world. It can be entirely too easy to appear to be in an abusive relationship, particularlly when people on the outside looking in are inclined to think in that direction.

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I’ll take a quick break here to posit my own theory, based on some vague and statistically insignificant personal experience. That dominant inclinations can become warped and twisted, turned to the Dark Side if you will, and become the same psychological motivations that make someone abusive. It’s that alpha drive, the need to control, the need to be catered to;  they’re on the same coin, but on opposite sides, one the shadow of the other.

Similarly, the need of a submissive to serve, to satisfy, to cater to, can also be twisted into the mentality of the chronic abusee, the person who can’t seem to leave an abusive relationship and, when they do, simply flits from one to another.

I’m not certain that an abuser can be made into a good Dominant, but I have seen more than one abusee become an excellent submissive upon entering the lifestyle and being helped to understand the difference. But they’re all-too-often initially preyed upon by abusers masquerading as Dominants.

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But back to the suit of clothes, with a hopefully-not-too-lengthy personal anecdote.

I’ve experienced the perspective of vanillas, that lack of comprehension between D/s and abuse, firsthand. Some years back I found myself in a very bad relationship with a narcissist masquerading as a submissive/slave (I won’t go into details here; that’s for another column). But long-story-short, the breakup was ugly, she was vindictive, and elected to take the dark road of revenge.

She went to all of my friends (whom she had charmed very successfully) and convinced them that our consensual M/s relationship had actually been abusive. I forced her into the lifestyle, made her move in with me, to submit to my perverted sexual desires, and even beaten her when she acted out. I had forced her to wear a metal collar, to submit to me, to only wear clothing I approved of. 

It was all untrue. She had very much consented to a 24/7 M/s relationship, painting herself as considerably more experienced than myself. But to my vanilla friends it jibed up well with my history of being a rather blunt, bossy, alpha male. And she was an extremely personable, convincing liar.

So I was in the doghouse, a pariah, for several months. I generally weathered the storm okay, and watched with some small glee when her house of cards inevitably collapsed. That my friends accepted me back was satisfying, but that they never really apologized for believing her over me still stings more than a bit.

But at the same time I can’t entirely blame them. They didn’t see the difference in the two suits, having no experience with the fine, Merino wool variety, but only the cheap polyester, off-the-rack junk. And it can be very difficult to educate someone outside of the lifestyle of the subtelties, regardless of how clear-cut they actually are.

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Moving on, here’s another personal anecdote, this one once-removed, so perhaps a bit more lengthy but considerably less self-indulgent.

The lady-in-question had been in a highly physical and emotional abusive relationship with a textbook malignant narcissist, with whom she’d had several kids. Circumstances being what they were, it took her entirely too many years to extricate herself because of the shared kids and a narcissist’s implacable need for control and revenge. Still, she eventually found herself divorced and elected to explore the local BDSM scene.  

But like many a wayward femsub she was quickly led astray by the classic abuser-in-master’s-clothing and found herself in yet another abusive relationship, albeit this time a part-time one.  Enter zeirah and myself. We met her at a local munch, took a shine to her (and her to us) and took her under our wing. Talking at some length, I explained consent, clear negotiations, and the concept of power exchange. We helped her understand that, at the end of their time together, she should feel blissfully happy and satisfied, satiated down to the bones of her soul. It needed to be about her every bit as much as him.

She dumped him soon after and I swore to help her in finding a worthy Dom/Master.

It took a few years, but we finally tripped over her perfect Dom. After a few false starts they entered into what appeared to be a very successful, satisfying D/s relationship.

But here’s where the whole suit-of-clothes thing rears its ugly head again. 

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Her kids, having seen at close hand the abuse their mother endured, and having undergone some considerable therapy aimed in that direction, had a better-than-usual eye for the behaviors of an abuser. So as their mom’s relationship became more serious with him moving in, they began spotting controlling behaviors, and even unexplained bruising, that they found suspicious and troubling.

How could they possibly warm to this new gentleman when it seemed that the past was repeating itself? Worse, how do you explain to two under 16 year olds precepts of a D/s or M/s relationship? They were keeping Mr. New Dom at arms length, and rightfully so from their perspective.

Between gently explaining that, no, this guy wasn’t an abuser like your father, his being overall fantastic and patient with the kids, and her overall day-to-day happiness, eventually all won them over. A few months in and everything’s copacetic.

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So be careful as to what suit of clothes you’re wearing, and how it’s being perceived by those around you. It’s easy to say that it’s none of anyone’s business, but a grievous misperception by the wrong person at the wrong time could be potentially disastrous.

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About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Setting The Scene

July 21, 2019 By PirateStan 4 Comments


(Note: As always, this article is presented from the perspective of MaleDom/femsub. I can’t speak with even vague authority to any other dynamic. Please adjust appropriately to your own.)

Always remember: No one is a mind-reader.

So it’s Friday night and you’ve been talking with your girl all week about the scene you’re going to have at week’s end. You’ve both had a stressful five-day-period, what with your job and the world in general weighing down upon you. You’re both looking forward to an evening’s worth of kinky fuckery followed by mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic sex.

But after it’s over, you’re both sitting there in the afterglow thinking, “Wait, what was that? I wanted something different, something more.”

And yeah, sure, you can chalk it up to the phenomenon of overblown expectations, the reality of which was never achievable. But in the back of your mind is that tickle that, no, we’ve done better before, and we can do better again.

And you can always do better, with the simple expedient of setting the scene. Plan ahead, at least a little bit.

Because always remember: No one is a mind-reader.

The key is, know your partner, know yourself, and know your skills. This isn’t about pick-up-play with a relative stranger at a party. This about crafting a scene with someone you know, hopefully more than a little bit. You’ve explored their fetishes, their triggers, their preferences, their sensitivities, their proclivities, their likes, their loves, their limits, and their erogenous locales.

If you’re at all introspective as a Dom, you know all of your own as well. 

But if you don’t know these things, remember the rule:

No one is a mind-reader.

You’ll need to talk things out, discuss what’s worked for you in previous scenes, and what hasn’t. Maybe throw a vodka spritzer in there, a glass or three of wine, a few beers, a fine single malt, some tokes on a doob. This isn’t about playing while vaguely intoxicated, it’s about loosening the strings on your tongue, to get beyond those inhibitions and really communicate.

(and if you don’t imbibe, that’s cool. Utilize whatever technique you prefer to loosen your tongue and psyche.)

Here’s the thing; your’s and her’s fetishes usually don’t align 100%. And if your girl is a service-orientated-submissive like mine she’ll still take a tremendous degree of satisfaction in simply working towards achieving yours. But eventually she’s going to grow weary of merely scratching your itch, leading to resentment that her’s aren’t as well.

And here’s where setting the scene comes in. Because with a bit of planning you can satisfy the both of you.

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So here’s the thing. My girl likes to be tied up, but not quite so much as I like to tie her up. And she likes to be scratched and abused, but maybe not quite so much as I like to scratch and abuse her. We have plenty of mind-blowing scenes (and sex thankyewverrymuch) but, as the mighty Dom, my itches tend to get scratched more than hers.

Because most of our scenes are thrown together or improvised (often after a bottle or three of wine… yes we play with intoxicated, which I don’t condone, but it works for us) they tend towards the “Master-wants-to-tie-you-up-and-get-serviced” end of things rather than the “let’s-construct-a-scene-which-satisfies-everyone” area.

But periodically we’re at a public event and I have the opportunity to plan something out, to set the scene. And on those occasions I do my level best to ensure that all parties involved get their minds blown.

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So now we’re gonna do a “f’r’instance”; that is, I’ll set out an example of a scene we had at a recent event (Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire in Washington D.C.), explain how and why I constructed it as I did, and how it worked it worked out for us.

My particular fetishes I enjoy playing with are mostly those of control, in that I enjoy having a girl under my control. But I’m not much of a pain sadist; I don’t get off on inflicting pain. Instead, I combine it more with my love of bondage. So I’ll do something like tie up & gag a girl, then tell her to go over to my bag and get a paddle. If they succeed they’ll get a spanking. And when they complain, through the gag, that they can’t do it because they’re tied up, I’ll pretend to mis-hear what they said.

That’s pretty basic, and it’s not all I’m inclined towards, but you get the idea. I can certainly get a gal up on a cross and work them over with floggers, paddles, whips, hands etc. with the best of ’em. But that’s not necessarily my go to.

My girl, while a big fan of impact play (and the bruises that come with it) also quite enjoys sensory play. My toy bag includes any number of pokey-proddy things with which I can scratch, stick, scrape, lacerate, and score such as claws, darts, knives, and wartenburg wheels. So I’ll try and incorporate both aspects into any of our planned scenes.

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At the event in question we’d acquired a fun new toy, a ring gag. We already had a few, but this one was 100% zeirah approved as it was relatively comfortable, the metal ring being covered in multiple layers of tool dip. If you want to understand the appeal of a ring gag, think about how it distorts a girl’s speech satisfactorily for us gag fetishists, makes her unable to stop drooling for us control fetishists, yet still able to use her tongue for various and sundry.

So this was definitely going to play into the scene.

We were in the overflow hotel, which had its own playspace, which hadn’t been too crowded on Friday evening, so I had hopes of something similar on Saturday. I’d checked it out and, specifically, on one end it had a St. Andrew’s cross next to a sort of breakfast nook area, which seemed perfect for what I had in mind. And when we arrived there Saturday night, it was indeed free.

The scene began with her removing my boots, a service offering that gets us into the right headspace. I then had her strip and put up her hair while I pulled out the leather straps I prefer when tying, as well as a variety of other toys. Next I handed her the ring gag, as I’ve found it’s better when she puts it on herself, and a blindfold.

I tell her to come forward, turn around, and put her hands behind her back, binding them securely, and adding a series of straps around her body and arms running from her shoulders to over her hips, leaving them secured tightly to her body such that she can’t do anything at all with them.

I added tight straps from her upper thighs down to her ankles, having her sit for the latter and adding a small pad between them to keep her ankle-bones from rubbing.

Now comes the fun part.

I told her to stand and spent the next hour commanding her to hop to me, whereby I attend to her with various implements of pleasure and torture. She’s uncomfortable enough normally when she’s made to hop while tied up, so the blindfold adds an exquisite element of torment. But she’s a good girl and trusts that I’m not putting things in her way to trip over and, indeed, are insuring there aren’t any. Additionally, I’m directing her left-and-right to ensure that she doesn’t trip. And if some of those directions are arbitrary simply to keep her confused, disoriented, and off balance, so much the better.

Meanwhile I’m also insisting she speak through the ring-gag, which drives both of us crazy in very different ways. At one point she says, “I’m afraid I’m going to fall,” but through the gag it sounds like “Uh ah-hade uh un-enh eh hhaaal,” to which I reply back, “You’re afraid of the hall?”

Because, with her mouth forced open by the ring gag it’s impossible to make an “F” sound.

We went back and forth like this for several minutes. She later told me that she was trying so. fucking. hard. to say “fall” and when I kept mocking her with “hall” that it drove her crazy. 

I finally had her hop out into the hall, where there were a few other con-goers mingling. I asked them, “Is there anything scary in this hall? She says she’s afraid of the hall.” To which they replied with some degree of , “Of course not”.

“See honey,” I said. “There’s nothing to fear in the hall!”

At which point I directed her to hop back into the room, and over to the cross. When she was literally an inch away from the base with her bare toes I had her stop. She had no idea that she was standing directly in front of the cross. I went up, carressed and tormented her for a few minutes as I’d been doing…

… then pushed her directly onto the cross.

Again, she had no idea that she was perfectly safe, that she’d fall no more than a few inches before being stopped by the cross. But for that second or so she was faced with the horrible, wretched panic that she might be helplessly falling flat on her face. 

It was perfect, the sort of utterly and precisely engineered moment that can only be accomplished by careful planning and setting of a scene between familiar partners.

The entirety of our time had been geared towards that one, exquisite, single second of utterly abject terror.

As I slowly untied her, in my mind I was going through the impact scene I had planned next. But, as I ungagged her, she indicated that she was spent, at that wet-dishrag point to which any good Master dreams of bringing his slave. She had been touched, tormented, and terrorized just slightly beyond the point she could emotionally manage. And it was good.

There followed 20 minutes of aftercare followed by 20 minutes of pick-up and clean-up before retiring to our room. We could have finalized our session there but, being old, fat, and creaky, we prefer to engage horizontally in a bed these days. To do otherwise is to risk disaster.

But rest assured, the evening’s worth of kinky fuckery was indeed followed by mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic sex

========

So always remember that nobody can read anyone’s mind, and that you need to know yourself and your partner. Keep that in mind as you’re setting the scene and you can work yourself into paroxysms of pleasure previously undreamt of.


About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

The Three Pillars

July 6, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


I see a great many posts here from singles attempting to determine whether they’re too particular, whether they should “settle” for someone. And how they should determine it.

Years ago I had someone tell me about the three pillars of a relationship. I took it to heart, modified it, and made it into a pretty good way to evaluate a potential partner.

The three pillars are:

– Physical: How attractive someone is to you. It’s not just about their looks, but their demeanor, their style, their hygiene, their attitude, and their charisma. Looks aren’t everything, but they certainly do count for something.

– Emotional: How much you “get” each other, how close you are, whether you can process “all the feels”. If you laugh at the same jokes, cry at the same movies, bitch about the same social injustices, then you’re on the same wavelength.

– Intellectual: How smart you are and whether you can interact on the same level. You can be a smart/smart person, a smart/dumb person, or a dumb/smart person, even a dumb/dumb person. But your partner needs to engage, experience, and communicate on the same level as you.

Grade each pillar on a scale of 1-10. Your total score should be 22 or greater with no single pillar being less than a six. Otherwise the relationship is likely not going to be long-term.

I don’t recommend holding out for a 30, as you’ll probably die single. But anything over a 25 is likely a keeper.

It’s worked pretty consistently for me, even if only in retrospect.

========

Seriously, knock it off with the excuses. I don’t care if you’re shy, introverted, reluctant, nervous, or worried. If you want to get into all of this, step one-point-oh is…

… attend a goddamned munch!

Unless your community is absolute shit (and I gather that some of them are. I’m sorry if you’re in one of those crap areas) then your first munch will be absolutely revelatory.

You’ll meet people like you. They’ll speak your language, grok who you are, what you’re looking for. There’ll be an even mix of guys and gals, tops and bottoms, people of all ages, young and old. And someone will come over and introduce you to the group, make you feel welcome.

From there, all of the other stuff you want to know about the scene will naturally flow. You’ll encounter all sorts of kinks, roles, fetishes, and proclivities. You’ll go to your first party, make some friends, and before you know it you’ll be an old pro!

And you don’t even need be a regular. Hell, one single munch may be enough to make you a mainstay in your local community. And once you meet your “one” you can ditch the community forever if you want.

But you need to get off your chicken-shit ass and go to a fucking munch. No excuses. Find your local munch and just go already!


About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Setting The Scene

June 9, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


(Note: As always, this article is presented from the perspective of MaleDom/femsub. I can’t speak with even vague authority to any other dynamic. Please adjust appropriately to your own.)

Always remember: No one is a mind-reader.

So it’s Friday night and you’ve been talking with your girl all week about the scene you’re going to have at week’s end. You’ve both had a stressful five-day-period, what with your job and the world in general weighing down upon you. You’re both looking forward to an evening’s worth of kinky fuckery followed by mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic sex.

But after it’s over, you’re both sitting there in the afterglow thinking, “Wait, what was that? I wanted something different, something more.”

And yeah, sure, you can chalk it up to the phenomenon of overblown expectations, the reality of which was never achievable. But in the back of your mind is that tickle that, no, we’ve done better before, and we can do better again.

And you can always do better, with the simple expedient of setting the scene. Plan ahead, at least a little bit.

Because always remember: No one is a mind-reader.

The key is, know your partner, know yourself, and know your skills. This isn’t about pick-up-play with a relative stranger at a party. This about crafting a scene with someone you know, hopefully more than a little bit. You’ve explored their fetishes, their triggers, their preferences, their sensitivities, their proclivities, their likes, their loves, their limits, and their erogenous locales.

If you’re at all introspective as a Dom, you know all of your own as well.

But if you don’t know these things, remember the rule:

No one is a mind-reader.

You’ll need to talk things out, discuss what’s worked for you in previous scenes, and what hasn’t. Maybe throw a vodka spritzer in there, a glass or three of wine, a few beers, a fine single malt, some tokes on a doob. This isn’t about playing while vaguely intoxicated, it’s about loosening the strings on your tongue, to get beyond those inhibitions and really communicate.

(and if you don’t imbibe, that’s cool. Utilize whatever technique you prefer to loosen your tongue and psyche.)

Here’s the thing; your’s and her’s fetishes usually don’t align 100%. And if your girl is a service-orientated-submissive like mine she’ll still take a tremendous degree of satisfaction in simply working towards achieving yours. But eventually she’s going to grow weary of merely scratching your itch, leading to resentment that her’s aren’t as well.

And here’s where setting the scene comes in. Because with a bit of planning you can satisfy the both of you.

========

So here’s the thing. My girl likes to be tied up, but not quite so much as I like to tie her up. And she likes to be scratched and abused, but maybe not quite so much as I like to scratch and abuse her. We have plenty of mind-blowing scenes (and sex thankyewverrymuch) but, as the mighty Dom, my itches tend to get scratched more than hers.

Because most or our scenes are thrown together or improvised (often after a bottle or three of wine… yes we play with intoxicated, which I don’t condone, but it works for us) they tend towards the “Master-wants-to-tie-you-up-and-get-serviced” end of things rather than the “let’s-construct-a-scene-which-satisfies-everyone” area.

But periodically we’re at a public event and I have the opportunity to plan something out, to set the scene. And on those occasions I do my level best to ensure that all parties involved get their minds blown.

========

So now we’re gonna do a “f’r’instance”; that is, I’ll set out an example of a scene we had at a recent event (Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire in Washington D.C.), explain how and why I constructed it as I did, and how it worked it worked out for us.

My particular fetishes I enjoy playing with are mostly those of control, in that I enjoy having a girl under my control. But I’m not much of a pain sadist; I don’t get off on inflicting pain. Instead, I combine it more with my love of bondage. So I’ll do something like tie up & gag a girl, then tell her to go over to my bag and get a paddle. If they succeed they’ll get a spanking. And when they complain, through the gag, that they can’t do it because they’re tied up, I’ll pretend to mis-hear what they said.

That’s pretty basic, and it’s not all I’m inclined towards, but you get the idea. I can certainly get a gal up on a cross and work them over with floggers, paddles, whips, hands etc. with the best of ’em. But that’s not necessarily my go to.

My girl, while a big fan of impact play (and the bruises that come with it) also quite enjoys sensory play. My toy bag includes any number of pokey-proddy things with with I can scratch, stick, scrape, lacerate, and score such as claws, darts, knives, and wartenburg wheels. So I’ll try and incorporate both aspects into any of our planned scenes.

========

At the event in question we’d acquired a fun new toy, a ring gag. We already had a few, but this one was 100% zeirah approved as it was relatively comfortable, the metal ring being covered in multiple layers of tool dip. If you want to understand the appeal of a ring gag, think about how it distorts a girl’s speech satisfactorily for us gag fetishists, makes her unable to stop drooling for us control fetishists, yet still able to use her tongue for various and sundry.

So this was definitely going to play into the scene.

We were in the overflow hotel, which had it’s own playspace, which hadn’t been too crowded on Friday evening, so I had hopes of something similar on Saturday. I’d checked it out and, specifically, on one end it had a St. Andrew’s cross next to a sort of breakfast nook area, which seemed perfect for what I had in mind. And when we arrived there Saturday night, it was indeed free.

The scene began with her removing my boots, a service offering that gets us into the right headspace. I then had her strip and put up her hair while I pulled out the leather straps I prefer when tying, as well as a variety of other toys. Next I handed her the ring gag, as I’ve found it’s better when she puts it on herself, and a blindfold.

I tell her to come forward, turn around, and put her hands behind her back, binding them securely, and adding a series of straps around her body and arms running from her shoulders to over her hips, leaving them secured tightly to her body such that she can’t do anything at all with them.

I added tight straps from her upper thighs down to her ankles, having her sit for the latter and adding a small pad between them to keep her ankle-bones from rubbing.

Now comes the fun part.

I told her to stand and spent the next hour commanding her to hop to me, whereby I attend to her with various implements of pleasure and torture. She’s uncomfortable enough normally when she’s made to hop while tied up, so the blindfold adds an exquisite element of torment. But she’s a good girl and trusts that I’m not putting things in her way to trip over and, indeed, are insuring there aren’t any. Additionally, I’m directing her left-and-right to ensure that she doesn’t trip. And if some of those directions are arbitrary simply to keep her confused, disoriented, and off balance, so much the better.

Meanwhile I’m also insisting she speak through the ring-gag, which drives both of us crazy in very different ways. At one point she says, “I’m afraid I’m going to fall,” but through the gag it sounds like “Uh ah-hade uh un-enh eh hhaaal,” to which I reply back, “You’re afraid of the hall?”

Because, with her mouth forced open by the ring gag it’s impossible to make an “F” sound.

We went back and forth like this for several minutes. She later told me that she was trying so. fucking. hard. to say “fall” and when I kept mocking her with “hall” that it drove her crazy.

I finally had her hop out into the hall, where there were a few other con-goers mingling. I asked them, “Is there anything scary in this hall? She says she’s afraid of the hall.” To which they replied with some degree of , “Of course not”.

“See honey,” I said. “There’s nothing to fear in the hall!”

At which point I directed her to hop back into the room, and over to the cross. When she was literally an inch away from the base with her bare toes I had her stop. She had no idea that she was standing directly in front of the cross. I went up, carressed and tormented her for a few minutes as I’d been doing…

… then pushed her directly onto the cross.

Again, she had no idea that she was perfectly safe, that she’d fall no more than a few inches before being stopped by the cross. But for that second or so she was faced with the horrible, wretched panic that she might be helplessly falling flat on her face.

It was perfect, the sort of utterly and precisely engineered moment that can only be accomplished by careful planning and setting of a scene between familiar partners.

The entirety of our time had been geared towards that one, exquisite, single second of utterly abject terror.

As I slowly untied her, in my mind I was going through the impact scene I had planned next. But, as I ungagged her, she indicated that she was spent, at that wet-dishrag point to which any good Master dreams of bringing his slave. She had been touched, tormented, and terrorized just slightly beyond the point she could emotionally manage. And it was good.

There followed 20 minutes of aftercare followed by 20 minutes of pick-up and clean-up before retiring to our room. We could have finalized our session there but, being old, fat, and creaky, we prefer to engage horizontally in a bed these days. To do otherwise is to risk disaster.

But rest assured, the evening’s worth of kinky fuckery was indeed followed by mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic sex

========

So always remember that nobody can read anyone’s mind, and that you need to know yourself and your partner. Keep that in mind as you’re setting the scene and you can work yourself into parosyxms of pleasure previously undreamt of.


About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

PirateStan Interviews Mister

April 7, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


A while back, a local friend (‘Mister’ on FL) started doing something a bit unusual; chain bondage. I initially found the idea intriguing, as metal restraints are something I find more than a bit appealing.

Then I saw photos of what exactly he was doing, how he was not simply binding, but actually suspending people wrapped in roughly their body weight of chain. The heaviness of the chain contrasted with the seeming lightness of the person floating in it, made for some powerful imagery.

I had a chance to see him in action at a recent event. I was particularly impressed by both his utter professionalism and the reactions of the people he was suspending. This, I thought, was something that needed further investigation, and more widespread publicity. You gotta see this.

The interview was conducted via email with copy-editing by me.

Q: So why chain? How did you come up with the idea of suspending people with chain? What drew you to it?

A: When I first started in the kink scene about 10 years ago (not that is a measure of anything other than longevity) many, many people implied to me that rope was the end all of bondage, and that if I wanted to be kinky I had to learn how to tie both knots and people with rope. One of the first events I ever attended was a local event where Jay Wiseman taught some rope bondage, and I learned that I was horribly incompetent at it.

Future “101” events that tried to teach rope were equally as galling as, to me, rope work looks like magic; anyone who’s good at it looks like a wizard. I’m lucky that I can lace and tie my boots, and keep shit from moving around in a van.

The TL;DR version is that it grew out of my wanting to do bondage, but knew that I was incapable of learning rope techniques. I was also heavily influenced by a chain aerial performance that occurred during Winterfire 2017 or 2018 (I forgot which).

So having been incompetent with rope, and noticing that the majority of suspension photos used rope, I wanted to see if I could do it with something different. I’ve observed suspensions with duct tape and pallet wrap, but those are disposable mediums, and you have to utilize a pretty significant amount to get someone in the air.

I knew that if I wanted to suspend people using alternative bondage techniques, I had to evaluate certain criteria: Is the medium strong/reliable? Can it support a person? Is it reasonable in cost and is accessible? Can it be adaptable and configurable?

From an engineering perspective, chain is all of these things. I think the technical feasibility drew me to figuring out how I could make it work in the ways that I thought were appealing, creative, and aesthetic.

Q: When did you first realize that people found the idea of chain bondage appealing?

A: I didn’t really consider that people would find it appealing. I had seen chain bondage photos of some techniques that didn’t look great, and I thought that I could improve on it in a way that was much more visually appealing and traditional in terms of what rope is capable of.

I think it’s only been the past few weeks (as of March 27, 2019) that people have started to gain an interest in it, aside from the few observers that we’ve had when I’ve/We’ve done this thing at Dark Odyssey:Summer Camp in 2018, the Leather Flea & Play Party in Fall 2018 and Spring 2019, and Dark Odyssey:Winter Fire in 2019.

Summer Camp 2018 was the first time were I did any chain bondage that people could watch, and a huge thank you goes to ‘BondagePupNHeels’ and ‘devab’ for bidding on my first public chain bondage scene at the auction! They really made me feel like I was doing something great and it gave me a huge confidence boost to keep going forward.

Q: How did you decide what chain to use and what sort of equipment you’d need?

A: When I first acquired a few lengths of chain, I knew I needed lengths long enough to wrap around a torso, as well as the waist. I also needed shorter lengths because, sometimes, you just need a smaller piece.

The size of chain was chosen because I wanted connectors and equipment that were well-rated for supporting human beings, but weren’t anything that felt too big or too heavy in the hand. The bigger the connectors are, the heavier they are and the more space they take up next to the skin. In the end it was purely out of practicality more than anything else: smaller chain wouldn’t have been sufficient for holding people up, which was something  I knew I eventually I wanted to do.

Q: Do you use anything besides chain?

In the past I have used tubular, high-strength nylon webbing to lift people or limbs in the air, but I haven’t utilized it nearly as much. I’ve found that I simply don’t have sufficient body mass to counter-weight most other people, even using mechanical advantage techniques.

However, I definitely use leather cuffs for ankles and wrists. I’d like to give a shout out to Leather By Danny for making some pretty resilient cuffs. I’m sure I’m using them in a way that he never really considered, but so far they’ve held up nicely.

Q: Where do you get your chain? Do you do any preparation on it? What do you do to maintain it? How is it stored?

A: I get my chain and connectors from hardware stores. However, recently I’ve found that I can get similarly rated and sized connectors directly from manufacturers or suppliers, avoiding the retail markup. It brings the cost down quite a lot.

I don’t do any special preparation on it other than cleaning it with appropriate wipes or solvents as necessary. I try not to store it connected together with any other devices because of galvanic corrosion (an oxidation that occurs when dissimilar metals are in contact with each other while exposed to the elements). It tends to make the surfaces of the chain links and connectors become dulled and really unappealing to look at or to handle.

I accidentally had this happen during Summer Camp 2018 when it rained where my chain and connectors were stored in a backpack. While all of my connectors are stainless steel, the chain is zinc-plated and it looked really bad by the time I got home. Thankfully, you can clean the surfaces with vinegar to restore the appearance. You can either spray and rinse it, or dip it in vinegar and rinse, then let it dry. It doesn’t hurt the surface very much. You definitely don’t want corrosion happening long term, as it will eventually start to damage the metal.

Currently, all of my chain is separated by length in bags with my connectors grouped together by type in a bucket with a rubber-sealed snap-on lid. It works great for keeping everything together but, no shit, now the bucket weighs 60 pounds! So it’s not the best solution. I’ll be looking into wheeled boxes soon as it’s finally becoming unreasonable to lug around.

Q: What’s the cost to become a “chain novice”?

A: If you source the connectors from direct suppliers or manufacturers, the cost can be pretty reasonable for a few lengths of chain and connectors. The size of chain I use is a little over US $2.00/foot, and the shackles I get are about US $2.00 a unit. You can get a lot of chain and connectors for $50-100, as long as you aren’t buying stainless chain. I’d like to replace all of my chain with stainless steel, but the cost is high and ranges wildly. That should get you a decent amount of chain to start doing regular, non-suspension bondage.

Also, try not to buy from chain marine supply stores if you can avoid it, as the markup is outrageous. Look for their suppliers and the stuff that they sell. Call and visit manufacturers and ask around. You’ll find that industry people will give you the names of places that they recommend. You don’t have to tell them what you need it for. It’s not weird. Just pretend you’re looking for good prices on chain and chain accessories. You can buy in bulk and generally people won’t ask questions.

Q: How much chain would you need to start, and what type/how many  connectors?

A: It depends on what your initial exploration and interest is. I didn’t have very many lengths to begin with, and I found myself running short. The more complicated the bondage became, the more chain I needed, even as I made sure to buy lengths that I thought would be more accommodating for various body types and areas.

I recommend people buy zinc/nickel plated chain to begin with as it has a pretty good surface finish for the price. You can buy plastic chain, which is incredibly cheap and is about the same size as most connectors (at least those that have a fairly good rated WLL) but only for practice, experimentation and play-bondage. I’ve thought about buying a bunch in case I ever have the chance to teach.

So far as connectors, you should factor that you need at least one connector per attachment point for each link of chain. If you’re going to use ankle cuffs, you might need one or two per cuff depending on how you intend to support it and how your cuff is made. If you want to connect multiple ends together, think about the connector(s) that you need to accomplish that.

I’ve ended up making multiple trips to stores to buy different connectors as needed, and sometimes I’ve still run short when I’m doing a major project or something with an uncertain execution.

Think about the types of connectors that are available as well. Some connectors are a loop that has an opening, which can attach multiple links together but can only be opened one way in one orientation. Some connectors have two attachment points with only one point able to be opened. For those you’ll need an additional connector to attach to the closed point. Some quick releases are like this.

I can’t stress enough that planning is your greatest asset in this kink.

While I’m on the subject of connectors, don’t ever use padlocks to connect chain links that will be under tension. Padlocks are actually horribly unreliable as load bearing members, and often a little bit of force can cause them to fail. They’re okay for predicament bondage and funsies, but they shouldn’t be relied upon.

The shank of a padlock, no matter the type, is usually one of first points of attack in brute-force security penetration and lockpicking, as it’s often the weakest. Again, don’t rely on any type of lock whatsoever. It’s just a bad idea.

Q: What are the potential dangers of using chain, and what sort of precautions should be taken?

A: Metal allergies are a thing, and it’s important to include it in your negotiation.

It’s direly important to not use connectors for more than what they’re rated for. Do not exceed the Weight Load Limit (WLL) of a connector, even though you are using them all in a system. Don’t use a connector with a low WLL in a main down line. I think this is the worst, possibly most negligent and ill-informed way that you could seriously hurt somebody.

But this comes with a caveat that’s kind of a tip, and kind of a warning; you should be consciously aware of the WLL of connectors you are using to hold up what parts of the body. If you’re holding up someone’s center of mass, you’ll need a stronger connector with a higher WLL than you will if you’re only supporting a leg on its own.

As a rule, it’s always better to have more support than less.

Chain is hard to cut in an emergency, so you should use connectors that can be undone in a hurry. Some connectors when placed under tension don’t allow you to manipulate the orientation to release chain segments. To not fall into this trap, you have to plan ahead accordingly with whatever you’re doing. You can cut chain links with bolt cutters if you have to, but I’m not sure that’s the first emergency step.  You might expend more energy and time cutting the chain links than disassembling your bondage. If you plan your bondage well, you can undo a lot of it with the removal or loosening of a few strategic connectors.

You could end up in a situation where someone is stuck in a configuration because you connected chain segments under tension. That can be dangerous, because they may not have the strength, stamina, energy, or the flexibility to be manipulated in a way to remove that tension in order to loosen the connector. Really get familiar with how your connectors work before you make a choice to use them in certain configurations.

It’s possible to squeeze somebody in a way that could be damaging. Think of a lasso that is fixed in size, and you pull on two ends of it, creating a pinching ellipse around the body, or a limb.

You can totally accidentally drop a load of chain on someone’s foot, and it could hurt. It doesn’t feel great when that happens.

It’s possible to cut or pinch fingers and skin while managing connectors and chain. On my stainless carabiner I’ve pinched my finger often, causing a cut that seems to bleed for a little bit. Carry a styptic pencil in your kit to stop the bleeding, because when you bleed all over your chain it gets a little slick.

It’s only happened once that someone started to have what I think was a panic attack, and they were only experiencing a chest harness. Thankfully it happened early in the scene and it didn’t take very long to get them out.

Q: What’s involved with a “chain scene”? How did you come to determine what makes for an effective scene?

A: As with any bondage, have a specific goal in mind. It can be to be bound tightly, suspended, be in a predicament, or to experience sensation.

At this point if I’m thinking of a chain suspension scene, I plan on the logistics of how it might go in my mind. I think about how and where the drop lines are going, what kind of harnesses or lines I need, and how I’m going to support the person so they can let go and sink into the flight. There’s a lot of pre-planning behind a pose or a configuration.

What has worked well is that in the advance negotiation, I bring up the pose that I’m interested in to see if the person is capable of being in that position, whether or not it conflicts with any of their potential health issues. I also discuss how the chain and harnesses will go on. If it’s agreed upon and satisfactory, then that’s how the pose will go.

During the scene, if there are any complications or any places where the chain feels wrong or harmful, I make adjustments as necessary. I check in regularly to make sure that there aren’t any issues as it’s happening. Once they’re in the position, they can move around a little to make adjustments, but I still check up on them. If they have even the remotest feeling that they want to come down or that something is wrong that can’t be quickly adjusted, then that’s when the scene’s over and the descent starts. I am usually able to get the chain off pretty quickly. Then I’ll inquire about any pain or difficulty, doing a follow-up if there are any problems.

I suppose it sounds way less sexy and exciting this way, but I’d much rather have informed and enthusiastic/affirmative consent beforehand. I think the more the person knows about how it should go down and what we’ll be doing, the better the scene, as we’re all on the same page.

I haven’t done a lot of “spontaneous” chain bondage. Firstly, transitions are a thing that I’m still working on developing. Secondly, the few times I’ve done it, it ended up looking pretty chaotic. There’s a lot of refinement that needs to happen, which is why I suppose all of our photos look like a “finished product”.

Q: What sort of scenes do you engage in publically? Are they different privately? Is it good for intimate scenes?

A: Publicly, I’d do any kind of scene so long as there’s a sober negotiation beforehand. There’s nothing sexual or different in the scenes that I do publicly or privately because, for me, this is more of an art form and less about sexual experiences.

It can be more than a bit of a challenge to figure out how to make it relatively comfortable while also aesthetically pleasing. A successful scene brings me a great deal of satisfaction and I feel pretty accomplished when I manage to do something to which I aspired.

Is it good for intimate scenes? I’m not sure. Maybe. I don’t really have the finesse at this point to “gently slide the links over the bosoms and clasp the link behind in a commanding way.” I’m pretty mechanical about it, but I think and hope I’m not a bondage robot. I suppose that it could be “sexy” if you use smaller chain, more for looks and for minor restraining, as that’s much easier to handle. It’s also relative, as what some people might find intimate others may not.

Q: What do people say about your scenes? What is it they find appealing? What do you see as the appeal?

A: Most people who’ve never seen it before are fascinated or impressed. We’ve had people come up to us afterwards and tell us that it looked really neat, but they haven’t gone into detail about what it is that makes it interesting, so it’s hard to say what the appeal is. It might be the case that the what we’re doing it is new, in making it look like the way rope does artistically.

People don’t expect chain to be used in this way and are surprised that it can be. Chain tends to be seen as secondary in kink, holding cuffs together, extending a hard point, or things of that nature. Here we’re using it as a primary medium, so people are surprised when my play partner or others who’ve experienced it speak of its comfort and sturdiness.

I feel like another appeal is that it erases the stigma of body types in bondage, particularly suspension. Chain is sturdy enough to support anybody, and I see that as a plus. My play partner and I have conversations about this regularly, about how some rope tops refuse to suspend bigger partners and how frustrating that can be.

Q: Where do you see it going? Would you like to see chain become more widespread in BDSM? Do you feel as if you’re perhaps sort of the “Godfather of chain”?

A: I’d like to see more people doing it in the way that we’re doing it. It’s hard to get better in a vacuum, and I’m sure there are more and better techniques we simply haven’t discovered. It’s still pretty experimental, and I look back on the first few photos/work that we did and cringe over how little we knew.

Now that we’ve been able to settle on a few techniques that work, this would be the time for more development and criticism. Because our photos and work are starting to look more like  rope suspension, I suspect people might be taking more of an interest. If anyone had skepticism of it before we started making it look less amateur, it was totally justified.

I’m hesitant to call myself the “Godfather”, as anything you release into the public space is open to anybody. Certainly there’ve been people throughout history who were bondage pioneers. As time’s progressed, there’re people who’ve really ascended to an advanced level with rope bondage, and their work is recognized and appreciated, such that they might be considered a minor authority on the subject.

When I started there were huge shortcomings in the way people had used chain in bondage. Most photos I’d seen used chain similarly to rope, and that’s not a good approach. It doesn’t embrace the strengths, form, and functionality of chain. Sometime in the future someone could take a similar approach to mine, having it take off in ways I’d never considered. Perhaps more elaborate designs of harnesses which are just as supportive, or even more so.

If there’s anything I’d like to be known for in the realm of bondage, it’s for changing up the way people think about what bondage looks like, that rope isn’t the only way of suspending and binding in a visually appealing way.

I’d like to give a shout out to ‘ClimbTheWorld’, as she’s had a ton of input on what works and what doesn’t, utilizing her experience in rope and suspension. Without bouncing ideas, thoughts, and experiments off of her, I wouldn’t be doing this in the way that I am. When I refer to “Us”, or “We”, that’s the other half.


About PirateStan

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

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