PirateStan

Profiles

March 10, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments

I’ve certainly visited my fair share of dating sites over the years. And I’ve encountered people randomly at munches, or on FetLife, which has led me to scrutinize their profiles that I might, perhaps, get to know them just a tiny bit better. And, friends, I’ve got something I need to tell you…

Y’all’s profile game ain’t what it needs to be. It ain’t what it could be. It ain’t what it should be. I’ve met a great many of you and found you to be friendly, intelligent, charismatic, well-spoken, introspective, and erudite. But when I look at your profiles I see a lot of clumsiness, carelessness, laziness, and lack of attention that you wouldn’t give to your personal appearance on a “jammies, Netflix, and wine” day spent lounging around the house.

So few people seem to have mastered, journeymen-d, or even apprenticed the art of writing a profile that, based strictly on said profiles, I’d have to seriously question the intellectual capacity of the majority of those on dating sites. When the simple expedient of having a profile that’s succinct, informative, entertaining, and typo-free sets you head-and-shoulders above all others, you’d think that more people would put forth the relatively minimal effort required.

It’s kind of a low bar to achieve. Even my own girl, bound and gagged, could probably hop right over it (and isn’t that a sort of vision of kinky loveliness to randomly throw into a column’s opening?).

Yet what I see is a lot of bitching, moaning, kvetching, carping, bellyaching, grizzling, griping, whining, and whinging about all the fakes , charlatans, players, rudeness, inconsiderateness, and general lack of responses they encounter. Meanwhile, the people who’ve figured profiles out are meeting friends, play partners, subs, Doms, slaves, Tops, and more.

So in the interest of making for a generally more open, congenial, charming, and overall friendly online community, I’m offering a bit of a primer along with a few hard-won basic do’s and don’ts for putting together a successful profile, one that the people you’d potentially want to meet will actually read, comprehend, and respond to.

But before we go further a quick note on perfunctory “bookmark profiles”. There are those on FetLife who’re just here out of a vague necessity. They leave them blank intentionally, by design. These’re perfectly valid and serve a very useful purpose for said individuals. But, arguably, they’re the exception which doesn’t prove the rule. This column isn’t really for or about them. Do what thou wilt and get on with your bad self!

I HATE WRITING THESE THINGS

Who are you exactly? While we may spend entirely too much time navel gazing, comparing ourselves against other, silently judging everyone around you, how much time do we actually spend thinking about who we are?

So spend a little time figuring that out. Go for a walk. Drink some wine. Chat with your friends. Meditate. Look at some Internet Porn. Scroll through Facebook. And use that to plant a garden that consist of the essentials of you. Then use those veggies to work up a hearty stew of a profile (I’m not sure where the beef or chicken come from in this analogy… uhm, “It’s a garden in the farm of your psyche”).

You don’t necessarily want to start with the kinky stuff.

What do you do for a living? Is it important to you? What do you do with your free time? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to drive? To travel? Are you a sneakers and flip flops type, or do you prefer dress shoes? What’s your living situation? Rent or own? Where do you see yourself in five years? Educated or School of Hard Knocks? What does your family do? Who were your people? Are you spiritual or religious?

And then get into the kinky stuff.

What role do you like to play? Or are you a more generalized sort? How long have you been at it? How long have you wanted to be at it? What were your early inclinations? Early formative experiences? What drew you to kink? What’re your interests? What’re your specialities? What do you find intriguing? Is it a dalliance or a lifestyle? Are you a community member or a loner? Do you want to settle down or play the field? How important is kink to your day-to-day?

There are as many questions as stars in the sky. Don’t limit yourself. Be creative. Look at other profiles. Steal! Well, not their profile, but certainly their format or technique.

Look in the mirror. Then write about what you see.

DON’TS

… DON’T make it too long. Nobody wants to wade through all of your accomplishments, background, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, skills, awards, and experience. The KISS principle is in effect: Keep It Simple, Stupid. If you want or need to elaborate, do a separate writing and add a link. Links are astonishingly easy to add on FetLife.

… DON’T overshare. Because too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing. At least until you’ve actually gotten to know someone.

… DON’T start with, “I hate writing these things”. Because it’s boring and cliched. If you hate writing, don’t write it. Go and watch Netflix, drink some craft beer,work on the great American novel, or download some porn instead. Assuredly, nobody cares to engage in the introspection necessary, nor likes actually writing these things, and they don’t want to hear your whining. Which leads to…

… DON’T rant, bitch, and moan. Because nobody wants to hear your ranting, bitching, and moaning. There are television programs, radio shows, books, even movies dedicated to such things. If you must, do it elsewhere.

… DON’T try to portray yourself as other than you are. Because you may feel like most people won’t find you appealing, but you only need to honestly appeal to those people who will.

… DON’T spend too much time talking about what you want. Because nobody comes to your profile looking for a checklist to compare themselves against. Seeing a profile filled with “you musts” is simply a turn off. “I must” move along to the next profile which is, hopefully, better written.

… DON’T trash talk anyone. Because the person reading it is gonna go, “Hmmm… he could trash talk me next!” This of course excludes trash talking about serial killers, mass shooters, and genocidal dictators, because Hitler and Ted Bundy.

… DON’T leave it blank. Because a blank profile says, “I don’t give a shit”. And if you don’t, then why should we? You’re not mysterious, you’re not a closed book, you’re not secretly wizened. You’re lazy and need to make an effort.

… DON’T talk about how you’re “an open book” and “ask me any question”. Because asking questions requires some vague knowledge of a person, and you’re not sharing that. Better to ask, “Do you still beat your wife?” or “Do these jeans make my butt look big?”

… DON’T put the “university warning”, because it’s bullshit, wouldn’t make a difference anyway, and just makes you look clueless. Seriously, how does this thing continue to propagate and why is it still around.

… DON’T lie. Because the truth will always come out. Eventually.

DO’S

… DO make it informative, breezy, and funny. Because people who’re entertained will want to keep reading. Think about who you are, where you are in life, what you bring to the table, and what makes you unique. But always remember the KISS principle.

… DO hit the “return” key a lot. Because nobody wants to wade through a paragraph that’s 20 or 30 sentences long. And always double-space between paragraphs.

… DO make it funny. Because everyone like the funny. And people who don’t take themselves too seriously are the people everyone likes.

… DO tell the truth. Because people appreciate honesty. But not too much honesty. Too much honesty can be as bad as not enough.

… DO tell the truth, even if it’s bad. Because the community, as large as it may seem, is too small for you to hide, so don’t bother trying. Don’t dwell on it, but if you have negative shit, own it. Pobody’s nerfect and trying to pretend that you are is a sure recipe for disaster.

… DO be humble. Because nobody likes a braggart. But at the same time…

… DO list your mad skilz. Because you worked hard on them and people will want to know what you’re good at, what you’re generally focused on. But, again, remember the KISS principle.

… DO put up a userpic. Because that question mark says, “I don’t care”. It doesn’t have to be you, but it should represent you. And have some pics in your gallery that are you as well, but keep them “friends only”. Remember: nobody will condemn you for keeping your face pics private, but friends will want to see you.

Edit: I can understand why someone would want to be on ultra-secret double picture prohibition. But you should still have pics that represent you.

… DO proofread. Because typos really make you look stupid and clueless. And while you’re at it, know your “its” from your “it’s”, your “there” from your “their”, and your “your” from your “you’re”. And always use the Oxford comma.

In summation, take time on your profile. Open a word document. Love it. Craft it. Cherish it. Make it your own. This is you to people who’ve yet to meet you. It’s important to make the best impression you can.

About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 11 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Gag Primer Part 2

February 10, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments

Cleave gags, by and large, simply don’t work.

Try it yourself. Tie a strip of cloth in your mouth (or your girl’s) and see how easy it is to work it out, no matter how tightly you tie it. As an added challenge, place a cloth or ball in the mouth first, then tie it in place with a cloth. If it takes you more than 90 seconds to spit it out then I’d argue you have the sort of lantern jaw that takes chunks out of doorways.

Suffice it to say that cleave gags can be fun for photos, videos, or role-playing, but as an actual effective gag you’re much better off utilizing the next gag on the list: the ballgag.

Ah, the ballgag. It’s ubiquitousness in BDSM makes it almost as much an icon of kinky fuckery as handcuffs (perhaps moreso, as many people brandish cuffs as a way of demonstrating alleged sexual badassery). And there’s a reason for that. Simply put, a ballgag is one of the fastest, easiest, and most effective way to remove someone’s power of speech.

At its most elementary level, a ballgag is simply a rubber ball with a strap or cord through the middle. Once placed in someone’s mouth and secured they can’t push it out, can’t close their mouth, and can’t speak very well. How much speech is muffled depends on the size of the ball in relation to the size of the victim’s mouth. Ideally the ball should pop in such that they can open their mouth only a tiny bit more than the ball itself. But few people in my experience can manage this for more than a few minutes, if at all.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. There are as many types of ballgags as there are restraints (perhaps more) and I could spend an entire column simply going over them. So I’ll just try and hit the highlights.

You can acquire a “beginner ballgag” at your friendly neighborhood WalMart. Start at sporting goods where you’ll find a bag of practice golf balls (essentially tiny Wiffle balls) for a few dollars. Then head over to men’s shoes and pick up some shoelaces (I recommend leather bootlaces). Thread a lace through a ball, place in your girl’s mouth, secure in back and, voilà, she’s ballgagged. With the added advantage that it’s breathable since it’s full of all those holes.

Once you’ve tried that and liked it, you’ll want to upgrade. Sure you could just get a rubber ball and drill a hole through it, but maybe just invest in the real thing. I’d recommend sticking with medical grade silicone, as it doesn’t have a “taste”, and is easy to clean, particularly if it has a removeable latex strap. You can even put it in the dishwasher, which is a good idea if you want to use it with more than a single person.

I always recommend Longwatcher over at Pleasure Paradox. He has an infinite variety of shapes, sizes, and colors. He’s also the go-to guy for the porn industry.

Of course some people don’t like the thick strap on either side of their mouth. For them there’s what I know as the “European-style” ballgag. You’ll recognize it as, rather than a hole, it has two long appendages coming out of either side to which the strap is then attached. I’ve seen this in both a silicone and rubber version. The former has a disadvantage in that it’s stretchy and easy to push out.

Sizing a ballgag is extremely important, as you want one large enough to be effective, but not so large that it causes agonizing pain. Most places start out with the one-and-a-half-inch ball and also have a “large”, which is a one-and-three-quarter-inch ball. Then you’ll find places that go up to massive two-and-a-half-inch balls. In general, start small and work your way up.

You can also find padded leather ballgags out there, and some of them are very nice. However they can be difficult, if not impossible, to clean so I’m not a fan.

Next we have panel gags, which has a flat “panel” which goes over the mouth and straps to hold it around and sometimes over the head. Inside the panel is a mouth obstruction of some sort, often a ball but, in the case of one of our personal favorite gags, a short silicone penis.

These can be appealing to those of us raised on the old-style “detective” magazine gags which consisted of a cloth tied over the mouth and tied at the back of the neck. While those were comically ineffective, most panel gags are very effective. And the harness ones look pretty sexy as well.

Before we move onto open mouth gags, a quick detour towards bit gags. Like most gags they look pretty hot and are available in a variety of materials and sizes. All of them are essentially a large stick with is placed into-and-across the mouth, held in place by straps attached to either end, and buckling behind the neck (and sometimes over the head). I don’t quite qualify them as gags as… well… as gags they kind of suck. They don’t muffle speech so much as distort it.

The majority of bit gags I’ve encountered are attached to large rings on either side and are generally intended for pony players of one stripe or another. We’ve got a few in our collection but they don’t get much, if any, use. But I wouldn’t necessarily dismiss them out of hand; it could be your thing.

Next, we have the ultimate in open-mouth gags; the O-ring, dental, or spider-gags. These are designed to keep the mouth open that… things… can be done to a girl which she has no control over stopping (with her explicit consent always, of course). While these are similar to bit gags in that they distort speech moreso than muffle it, I include them in that they do involve a lot of gagging on the part of the girl wearing them.

Just to be certain we’re on the same page here, when the gal’s mouth is forced open by the gag, the assumption is typically is that a gentleman’s penis will be placed in there for her helpless ministrations.

Anyway…

Most are made of metal, although plastic ones do exist; I don’t recommend them. If they break you’ll have sharp edges poking into the inside of the mouth… involuntary blood play! Some, but not all, of the metal ones come wrapped in some form or padding, either thin strips of leather-or-foam, or a rubber coating of tool dip. If they don’t already have it, I’d recommend doing it yourself. The tooth-on-metal contact could well result in tooth chipping or even breakage. Ouch!

As to the different types, the O-ring is the most self-explanatory, as it’s a simple ring of metal in a variety of sizes. It’s been my experience that these are relatively easy to push out, although I suppose a large enough one wedged into someone’s mouth would be more difficult to remove… and painful to wear as well.

The spider gag is similar to the O-ring but has two triangular appendages on either side, bent so as to come out of the mouth and around the cheeks, then strapped down. They’re quite a bit more difficult for a girl to push out.

Finally there’s the dental gag. This is a set of two ratcheted-opening clamps connected by crossbars, designed to keep an unconscious patient’s mouth open for dental surgery. With the added strap for security that’s little chance of her closing that mouth until you’re ready.

The final gag I’ll cover is the inflatable pump gag, an advanced play toy if ever there was one (never mind because even the cheap ones are expensive). This is a panel-type gag which has an inflatable latex balloon on the inside, and a hose attached outside to one of those tiny hand bladders on the end of a blood pressure cuff. Simply put, you strap it onto girl, then pump it up until her mouth is entirely filled.

As I’m certain you can see, the potential danger is that the inflatable balloon can easily exceed the capacity of the mouth to accept it. Gagging and choking is a real danger. I honestly can’t recommend this gag unless both partners really know what they’re doing. Even then let your girl do try first by herself, untied. Because, let’s say it again, “Vomiting when your mouth is full of gag is hazardous to your life”.

I could go on-and-on about dozens of other types of gags, and even share some amusing anecdotes resulting from intentionally misunderstood gagtalk, but you don’t want to read all that. Get out there and gag your girl! You’ll both be glad you did.

About the Author

A Basic Primer On Gags For Bondage Play

January 26, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments

I love gags. I love the way they look when worn by a helpless damsel, her eyes above it wide, angry, or even erotically inflamed. I love hearing a girl trying to talk through a gag and failing miserably, her ability to express herself reduced to a series of growls and mmphs. And I love watching her trying to relieve herself of her gag, contorting her face, pushing with her tongue, or rubbing against a pillow or furniture in a futile attempt to accomplish an otherwise simple act, were her hands free.

To me, a gag represents a sort of cherry on top of the bound girl sundae. I’ve taken away her ability to move about freely, then I’ve removed her ability to express herself verbally. Typically when you see a damsel in distress in the mainstream media it’s the gag which has the most attention lavished upon it, as almost nothing represents “helpless hostage” more than her hands behind her back and the lower portion of her face being covered.

Of course, the sort of gags you’ll see in movies, television, and magazine covers are utterly ineffective, complete and utter bullshit. A single strip of tape lightly pressed over the mouth, a bandana tied over or through a gal’s lovely lips, they’re almost comical in their inability to stifle speech or muffle a statement like, “You’ll never get away with this!”

For the BDSM or bondage connoisseur there exist a variety of gags to keep your girl quiet or muffled, a veritable cornucopia if you will. These run the range from effective coverings which cover a closed mouth to various balls, plugs, tubes, rings, clamps, and hooks which range in effectiveness from complete to strictly aesthetic. If you can’t find one to satisfy you and your girl you simply aren’t looking hard enough.

But first, a few basic safety tips.

Covering someone’s mouth such that they can’t easily remove it can be very, very dangerous. You run the risk of suffocation if it blocks the mouth as an airway and the nose becomes impeded, which can happen very easily if she gets emotional and cries during a scene. Additionally any gag which goes into the mouth runs the risk of triggering a gag reflex, which can easily lead to vomiting. I suppose I don’t need to point out that vomiting while your mouth is covered can be hazardous to your life.

So it’s important to pay extremely close attention to your girl while she’s gagged. While I’ve heard a variety of techniques, my favorite is the “no nodding or head shaking” rule. That is, if I ask her a question, she must answer as best she can verbally, which can lead to delightful exchanges whereby you truthfully or purposely fail to understand her. However, an actual head shake or nod leads to my full attention, a quick query as to whether she needs the gag removed, or an actual attempt to understand what she’s trying to say (you’d be surprised at how well a girl who’s often in such circumstances can express herself while tied and gagged).

Then there’s the issue of wearing a gag for longer periods. Simply put, the mouth’s natural, relaxed state is closed. When it’s open it’s under stress. Thus keeping it open involuntarily for any length of time can be extremely painful for many people. Sure, there are girls who can wear a two-inch ball gag for hours at a time, but there are also those who can sit with their elbows tied behind their back during the entirety of a Netflix binge of ‘Daredevil’. Don’t assume your girl is extraordinary until she’s been tested and passed. If she says it hurts, believe her, and don’t push the issue.

Then there’s the issue of swallowing, as in your girl could choke on her own drool. Some gags by their very nature can cause a girl to drool a lot. Some let the drool escape easily, others don’t. This is why it’s vitally important to test any gag ahead of time.

I always recommend first trying any gag while she’s entirely untied, and let her apply it as well. This way she can come to terms with the fit and feel while experiencing the emotional comfort of knowing she can remove it at any time. Let her wear it a while, see how long she can comfortably wear it, and make some attempts for her to communicate through it. Once she’s comfortable with it, only then should you apply it when she’s tied up.

Another thing to keep in mind is that a gag does not keep someone entirely silent. Indeed, a gagged girl can make a lot of noise if she’s determined, or motivated, enough. So if your room has thin walls and you’re counting on the gag to keep an especially noisy girl silent, be aware that all it’s gonna do is muffle her speech; that orgasmic, “Oh my GOD!” will instead come out as a slightly less noisy, “Mmm mm MMMMF!” Which may lead to even more questions.

As I said earlier, there are a lot of different sorts of gags. I’ll try to cover the essentials here but I’m certain to leave something (or a lot of somethings) out. And as always, YMMV. I’m sure that people will angrily correct me in the comments, so there’s always that.

Closed Mouth Gags – These are the sort which allow the mouth to remain closed, keeping the lips together such that the girl can only issue forth with comments beginning with the letter “M”.

The first (and my favorite) is good ol’ duct tape. Yes, a duct tape gag can be a very effective one, such that it muffles speech quite well and can’t be removed by an appropriately bound maiden. But you’re going to need considerably more than the single strip seen in most mainstream media. They can be done with something in the mouth (handkerchief, sock, ball, etc) or without. The former are most effective if not without some potential issues, but the latter can also work surprisingly well.

Basic precautions to use with the “something in the mouth” version, particularly with a cloth, is to place the center portions in first, with the loose ends and edges towards the front of the mouth. You don’t want a stray handkerchief corner or panty lace inadvertently tickling the back of the throat, as this could lead to tragedy. If you use something like a Nerf ball, be aware that it could expand to the back of the throat. And if you use a rubber ball, excessive saliva which can’t easily be swallowed can be a significant issue.

Once you decide whether you’re going with or without mouth packing, it’s time to apply the tape. Have your girl close her mouth, lips together (yes, you can pack her mouth so full that she can’t close it, but that wouldn’t be a closed mouth gag now would it?). She should have no makeup on, certainly no foundation, that the tape can adhere securely to her skin.

You’ll want to use the good duct tape; not necessarily the Gorilla Tape, but not the cheap stuff either. Start with one strip around six-inches long, applied straight beneath the nose and over the lower lip (be certain not to restrict her ability to breathe through her nose). Be certain it’s attached very securely, particularly the upper lip. Next use two seven-inch pieces to form an “X”, running from each upper cheek, under the corresponding nostril, over the mouth, and ending at the opposite corner, just under the ear.

Now take another seven-inch piece and run it from under one ear, under the jawline, to the opposite ear. This will leave a small hole at the tip of the chin which you cover with a four-to-five-inch piece of tape, starting under her chin and rolling up-and-over, creating some folds and wrinkles. And to cover those, a last piece of six-to-seven-inch piece goes flat over that, from right to left.

When properly applied this can be a formidable obstacle to coherent speech. Sometimes the adhesive on the upper lip can fail, or she can manage to get her tongue through her lips and wet the adhesive, slowly working it off. But most of the time I’ve found it stymies the most determined convolutions and contortions of a girl’s face. I’ve challenged securely bound girls simply to get the tape gag off that they may be set free, to no avail, even with five-to-ten minutes of determined effort.

And the other major advantage of this sort of duct tape gag is it’s relative comfort (barring the obvious pain involved with its removal). I’ve Netflixed-and-chilled for hours with my girl, even having her nap next to me while wearing it (she was also ensconced in a straitjacket).

I have reached the limit of my words for this session, necessitating a part the second. But before I go, a quick word about tape. Some people are allergic to duct tape, so test it on the skin first. There are a variety of medical tapes out there that work very well. And there’s also clear tape, and packing tape. All have their advantages and disadvantages.

In part the second I shall cover muzzles, then move on to open mouth gags.

About the Author

Mummification

January 13, 2019 By PirateStan 8 Comments

I’ve had a fascination for mummified gals since I stumbled across a 1930s magazine cover in a late ’80s pulp anthology. It featured a damsel-in-distress mummy-wrapped up to her lovely shoulders, a gag plastered over the lower half of her face, about to be locked away in a sarcophagus by some dastardly villian. The artist had managed to create a sense of tension and action in her pose, having her bent over and twisted such that the sense of struggling was apparent. And of course, her wide eyes projected the terror the poor girl was in store for should her valiant hero not successfully rescue her.

I was hooked.

It wasn’t too long after that I began to come across videos where a beautiful model was wrapped in duct tape from ankles to shoulders, mmmph-ing through her tape gag that she be released. It was a heady mixture, gorgeous gals wrapped in what seemed absolutely inescapable bondage, futilely struggling in the vain hope that they could somehow free themselves from what was obviously the ultimate in tied-up security.

Fast forward a dozen or so years. I’ve now got my very own bondagette who’s willing, anxious even, to experience such a mummification. What’s the appeal, I wonder? I know what it is that’s tripping my trigger, but could they possibly find the idea of being wrapped head-to-toe in duct tape appealing.

The answer, at least in my experience, is abso-fucking-loutely.

The simple fact is that, if you’re someone who enjoys the feeling of being made helpless and tightly compressed, being wrapped up like a mummy can be the ultimate in powerless constriction. But it’s not exactly an effortless task for either side of the equation. Education, comprehension, and understanding are absolutely essential.

But let’s back up for a moment. No matter which side of the slash you’re on, mummification (or encasement) is not necessarily something you may find appealing. But even if you’re a big-letter-type and aren’t interested, your little-letter-type may find it extremely appealing, particularly if they’re into tight restraint.

Because, here’s the thing; being wrapped up like a mummy leaves you feeling completely and utterly snug, restrained, and helpless without the pinchiness and discomfort inherent in other forms of bondage. You’re wrapped snug and warm in a duct tape cocoon, waiting to emerge as a beautiful butterfly. Or a mind blowingly session of coitus… YMMV.

Still it can be one of those things that seem complex and advanced when the reality is… it kinda is, and kinda isn’t. Indeed, it can be a relatively simple endeavor provided you have the materials at hand, climate controlled conditions, and a willing bondage bunny.

First, some basic safety. You’re going to placing someone into a cocoon which doesn’t breathe, and into which sweat will accumulate over even a relatively short period of time. The space you’re working in should be cool and relatively dry, not humid. This is not something to do at that outdoor camping event in July.

Also, it’s good if the bindee is someone who can stand with relatively good balance, as they’ll have to be standing at the very least while you wrap their legs and ankles. If they aren’t, then someone to help them balance, a “holder” if you will, is a very good idea.

If you’re ready, you’re going to need some basic materials:

– Duct tape of course. Two to three rolls is a good idea. Not the Gorilla tape, as it’s thick and inflexible. The cheap dollar store stuff isn’t bad, although you’ll probably want to do a second, smoothing layer with better tape.

– Cling wrap or pantyhose. Contrary to popular belief the duct tape does not go directly onto the skin. You want to have a barrier, and the cling wrap or pantyhose work exceptionally well. You can also do the tape over clothing although I’d only recommend this if you’re willing to sacrifice said clothing. The tape glue can leave a very messy residue.

– Safety shears. These are an absolute necessity as they’re by far the best way to cut the mummy loose.

Let me start by stating that this is not the end-all-and-be-all of mummification primers. But my girl and I do have some small experience in the matter and I’m going to attempt to address the quick-and-dirty, nuts-and-bolts for some personal fun in the bedroom. Also, for the sake of simplicity on my part, I am going to have the person getting mummified be my girl, zeirah (say hello zeirah) and the person doing the bondage be me.

So, let’s begin.

Start by wrapping each limb (arms and legs) separately. The key here is you don’t want skin-to-skin contact as that can be uncomfortable. If you’re using pantyhose cut a hole in the crotch and have her pull them on like a shirt, then put on the legs as normal. If there’s a gap between the top and bottom you’ll probably want to put some cling wrap there.

Next there’s positioning and padding. Determing what’s most comfortable, hands behind, at the sides, or crossed across the front (like an actual Egyptian mummy!). If you’re going to want her boobs free then this last one may not be the best idea (although I’ve seen it done).

I’ve found that most gals like some sort of padding between their knees and ankles. You can use a folded washcloth, old t-shirt, socks, panties, egg carton foam, etc. Check fit for comfort ahead of time however.

Have her put her hair up if it’s long.

Now it’s time to start wrapping (if you’re using pantyhose go directly to duct-taping). The key is to make it tight and snug as you can, as the overall compression tends to be the appealing part. This part can take a while, but not as long as the next part:

Duct tape!

The thing to remember about duct tape is that it doesn’t stretch, and it wants to go on straight and flat. If your girl is like mine, she is neither of those things. So you won’t be putting on the tape in one continuous strip from top to bottom. Indeed, you’ll probably end up doing it in repeated three and four foot lengths, carefully places one after the other. Don’t worry if the first coat isn’t smooth; if aesthetics are your goal a second go ’round (or second “coat”) will fix that.

Now a note about the duct tape you use. The cheap stuff doesn’t stick as well, but it’s good for a first coat. If you’re only planning to do one coat, then you might want to use the stickier stuff, as you’ll be surprised at how easily she might be able to get loose.

Now as you’re wrapping, pull it snug (this is extra important if you’re going over the pantyhose). I generally go from the top to the bottom, and it takes anywhere from fifteen minutes to a half-hour. If you’re planning on a second, smoothing coat, I’d recommend doing the torso before you do any wrapping on her legs so that she doesn’t have to balance like that any longer than necessary.

Once she’s wrapped you’ll probably want her to lie down, either on the floor, the couch, massage table, or your bed. If your girl’s light enough that you can pick her up and carry her, no worries! If not, have her hop to where you need her to be (while holding onto her lest she fall over), then have her go stiff while you grab her shoulders and lower her down.

Once you’ve got here there, now what? Well you can use your safety shears to cut out certain areas to tease and torment. You can tickle her feet. You can straddle her and have her suck your cock. Or just leave her to enjoy her compressed helplessness. If you’ve done it right that is pretty much a completely secure bondage, one where she can barely move. It’s one that can confound even the most limber, flexible, and athletic of models.

Once you’re done with all of your malevolent ministrations, it’s time to let her loose. And it’s here that you’ll find one of the best things about mummification; how quickly it happen. Take your safety shears, carefully cut from top to bottom and, voilà, she’s suddenly free! It’s not unlike a butterfly being released from a coccoon.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get to wrappin’!

About the Author

PirateStan

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