SafferMaster

Training/Discipline vs Punishment

January 17, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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My ideal relationship is a 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange) D/s Dynamic where I am fully in alignment with my submissive masochist who has chosen to serve me because that is exactly what she wants. She chooses me to kneel before as a new action each day. My orientation is to enroll her in what I am up to and for her to see the possibility of the dynamic that allows her to choose me to gift her submission to because she wants to serve me. Another way of saying this is that she does what I want her to do because she wants to do it.

In this context, training my submissive to please me is as simple as making simple tweaks or suggestions to her behavior to guide her as she reaches for perfection in her service. It is high order for her to achieve her goal of pleasing me ongoingly.

Let me offer one example. It pleases me a great deal that she kneels for me to put herself forward to be used. In so doing, she invites me to take her, and to use her as I see fit. She is offering herself by gifting her body and mind to me. Her presentation is particular. Before we played for the very first time, we talked for months in detail about our perfect dynamic ideas, and what it would take for it to succeed in creating it, and we talked about how to begin our total power exchange. I invited her to give me her consent by putting herself forward to be claimed. We also talked about how during her claiming ceremony she would be marked inside with piss and outside with a cane. The time came to begin when she ended her marriage, and a space was created to start something new. We talked in detail over months during which time my desire crystalized, and I shared with her my particular preference to have her present herself in the Nadu pose.

The first time she offered herself to me was the day she put herself forward to be claimed. Because it was the first time, when she knelt for me, I noticed a few ways that she could improve her posture to please me and recognized an opportunity to coach her. I gently corrected and adjusted her posture to assume the perfect Nadu pose. Knees apart, back straight, head lowered, hands resting in a relaxed position, palms up, on her thighs. Perfect to my eye. Only one time since then, more than two years ago, was I promoted to make a correction. I gently turned her hands over to perfect her pose. Now when she kneels for me, and she offers herself to be used every single day, she assumes the pose perfectly and she pleases me. With this simple action, she creates me.

Part of her training includes taking on a new context for her life as she moved from an abusive marriage where her context was one of survival, to our dynamic where she was being trained to live with freedom and power and full self-expression. Naturally, that is a big lift in the best of circumstances.

On occasion, because we live together in our 24/7 TPE dynamic, she would let her mind run away with her as she reverted to the ordinary way of being. Because she was in an abusive marriage before we met, something would come up between us, some issue or other that she would make meaning about. This would inevitably create an upset or space between us. This is something we had agreed not to allow. At the same time, I observed that this sort of upset tended to occur predictably when we had not engaged in impact play for more than a few days. I thought about it, and it occurred to me that she experienced total clarity for days after we engaged in intense impact play, and I made the determination that what she really needed was my daily attention as her Dom. I implemented a daily “maintenance spanking” protocol which she agreed to, reluctantly at first, worrying about being what it would mean to be spanked by her sadist every day.

New actions lead to unexpected outcomes. What happened for her, is that she is now crystal clear about how this new action has opened her exploration of her experience as a masochist and now she looks forward to her spanking because in addition to fully expressing herself as a masochist, the spankings lead to hot, hot sex and she experiences multiple orgasms every day. One result of our daily spanking routine is a daily scene where her pussy, ass and mouth are used in addition to her having her ass spanked red. It’s a very erotic and sexy daily experience and has furthered our dynamic bringing us closer together.

She is trained to serve me during every waking hour and even in bed, where she cups my balls as we share a daily gratitude practice, we often find that her nightly stroking of my cock turns into her gibing me head, and she falls asleep with my taste on her lips after we roll over to spoon, falling asleep with my hand holding her breast.

Training my slut to please me is an ongoing process of enrolling her in being the submissive I want her to be. Here is the important thing. There is never anything wrong. She never needs punishment because she is a service slut who strives to please and if she fails, she punishes herself harder than anything I could do. Remember, she is a masochist, so if I use impact to punish her, am I really punishing her? My view is that a 24/7 dynamic training is ongoing as she strives to please me without fail. Given that she is in an ongoing training paradigm, which is to gently prompt and coach required behaviors, the question remains as to why, when and how I would choose to punish my submissive?

Allow me to offer an example of a situation that occurred where punishment was required even though she was in training. Early on she had made an agreement with me to not perve (access or read) my messages without my permission. She broke her word and was out of integrity with me by accessing my Fetlife account one morning when I was still sleeping. She then spent the day making meaning out of a few message exchanges she had read bits and pieces of. Because I leave my computer screens open and often step away from my office (I work at home), we made the agreement requiring her to avoid taking advantage of the access, and to be sure, it required some degree of self-discipline on her part not to immediately revert to old familiar behavior out of a natural tendency to be suspicious. She did, after all, live for decades with an abusive husband who repeatedly stepped out on her.

While I understood her motivations, she had, nevertheless, indeed broken her agreement with me. A break in integrity demands a consequence. In this case the strategy was to first teach her how to restore her integrity with me. Restoring integrity is a necessary part of the process. First she had to identify and state what action she took to break the agreement and fall out of integrity – she perved my messages – then what the impact of that was for me – a lack of trust, a feeling of being let down, disappointment, etc, and for her, a feeling of letting me down, being untrustworthy, of knowing herself as someone untrustworthy, and so forth, including how it made her feel to know herself as someone who breaks agreements, and then she had to state what structure she would put in place to not have the broken agreement occur again in the future – she made a commitment to not access my computer again – , and finally there had to be a consequence. It is important to note that punishment never comes from a place of anger. It comes from a place of love. So I chose a punishment that would get her attention and be limited in its scope and one that would give her time to assess her behavior. Figging. She was required to go to the store and select a stem of ginger. Then she would come home, peel it and rough it up with a fork to make it juicy. Then she would present it to me and request that I insert it for her and then she tool a position kneeling on all fours as she repeated the request that I “place the ginger into her ass for 30 minutes so that she could contemplate her behavior.”

Afterwards we talked with her kneeling at my feet, and she tearfully expressed thankfulness that she was able to restore her Integrity. It was also the first time that she had ever been given a chance to restore her integrity and she was very relieved that we could let the situation go completely with her integrity restored.

Is corporal punishment ever legitimate as a routine way to interact with a submissive? Putting aside masochists who choose hard impact play as their preferred kink, there is one consideration where corporal punishment is legitimate in my mind. That is where a submissive has requested corporal punishment as motivation for achieving a difficult discipline. For example, I had a submissive request hard corporal punishment for failing to stay on course in the program I designed for her to improve her health and fitness, modify her diet and reduce her alcohol intake. In this situation she agreed that she would be on an escalating punishment schedule for each breach of agreement. Now keep in mind, we used the integrity model, so she had to deal with restoring her integrity as well, BUT each transgression escalated her punishment by 3 cane strokes. She was to present herself to be caned each week. Initially we started with 3 strokes. So she got 3 strokes the first week and the second week, but by the third week she started to revert to her old habits. So she got 6 strokes and when she failed to live up to her agreement, 9 and so on. The idea was that there would be a level of weekly punishment where she would choose to be her word rather than get additional punishment. In her case that number of strokes was 15. Being caned 15x by a sadist with a heavy cane on her bare unprepared bottom while counting out loud and holding her posture as she thanked me for each stroke was intense. She preferred not to have more punishment than that. She was caned and then, she was required to kneel before me to make a new agreement. As you can imagine, this was highly motivating for her. She would come to be punished each week in order to motivate her, and 15 strokes kept her on track for better health.

So, to summarize, training is a process without any negative input that is more akin to coaching. As a coach of a team sport, you would not berate your players for small errors of not understanding, you would teach them and coach them to perform. With a submissive, it’s the same thing, the difference is that you are seeking an intimate partner who you want to be all in. You are seeking complete alignment.

Be a coach.

Punishment is only warranted when agreements are broken and it’s important that the punishment fit the crime. A small break in integrity does not deserve the same punishment as a major transgression. But most important, there must be resolution. It is important that punishment does not result in resentment or space between you. Discipline using corporal punishment is a negotiated agreement. You are really being the accountability buddy by using corporal punishment to enforce agreements. Both the Dom and the sub must be on the same page. This is coaching at a very high level where in addition to the coaching guidance you offer your submissive, you are also responsible for her motivation and also for holding her accountable.

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Negotiation And Consent

January 10, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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Kink is a power exchange.

How do you KNOW as a Top/Dom/Domme/Master/Sir/Mistress etc (collectively “Top”) that you have the consent of your submissive?

As a submissive, how do you come to the decision to choose to relinquish your power safely? How do you choose your Top?

Let’s be honest, as a Top, if you did some of the things that run-of-the-mill kink play routinely involves to a person who had NOT given you their consent, you might very well get charged, arrested, prosecuted and convicted.

Kink is a coin with two sides. It only works if the Top and the Bottom, the Dom and the Sub, the Master and the slave are in alignment and it works best when there is full unconstrained communication.

One of the toughest aspects around the issue of monitoring consent during a scene is that both the Dom and the sub often experience mind-altering states that often makes clear communication difficult.

Kink is intense. It is a must to negotiate the parameters from a place of clarity, and I would argue, with complete authenticity.

There is good reason to discuss what is on the table (bondage, impact play, needles, gags, and/or dildos, for instance) as well as for how long, how intense, and what the limits are.

Do you as a sub, know your limits? Are you wanting to test your limits? As a Dom, are you someone who understands how to stretch limits within the boundaries of hard limits? Do you have an agreement on aftercare?

Hard limits, those things you just won’t do, must be stated and agreed to without reservation.

Kink requires safe words…I like the Yellow/Red combination. What does red mean? Do you end the scene or just move on to some other aspect of play? What about yellow? If I am flogging my sub and she says “yellow” what that means in our dynamic is “back off a bit, but please continue.”

When he/she says “I give you my consent” do you know what that means for him/her, do you understand his/her limits hard and soft? Do you know what he/she is expecting, for how long you have his/her consent? Do you know what his/her safe words are, and the way he/she understands them?

There is an argument, especially in pick-up-play, to be made for ongoing clarifications and requests for consent to be made as the scene progresses in order to keep the participants on the same page. For example, “I am going to spank you now with my bare hand, do I have your consent?” After spanking him/her ask “I am going to increase the intensity, do I have your consent?” And so on.

The most important part of the negotiation is really what happens after play, and what I call “the debriefing”. It is during the discussion about what was done and how it went that you come to agreement about what works and what does not. What is desired and what is designated as off limits, and not to be part of future play.

Ongoing dynamics are negotiated power exchanges that do not generally require repetitive conversations about consent, but in even well-established dynamics, there is a need to make sure that the play evolves keeping both parties fully engaged in the experience.

As a Dom, my view is that for me, a total power exchange is the perfect dynamic. Even in that dynamic, because my submissive has agency, whenever we introduce new experiences in play, there is a conversation before, during and after that addresses how she is doing, is she wanting more of what we are doing, does she want harder impact, should we go on longer etc. The point is that we live in a 24/7 TPE and we enjoy an energetic connection that requires no words, so when we do new things, we speak a lot about how it lands and how she likes it and how I can expand her limits and so on. Consent is an ongoing conversation that we always engage in.

Why do I say that one should be their authentic self when giving or seeking consent or negotiating limits? Think about this, if you are a dreamy sub and have all the feels for the Dom you are negotiating with and he says “I am into knife play” and for you, it’s a hard limit, but you don’t want to disappoint and so you say “It’s a soft limit”, then you go into a play session with a major concerns and you cannot relax and you are worried he is going to pull out a knife and you are worried about being cut and worse. The scene will not go well for you or him. If you were your authentic self, and you said, “that’s a hard limit”, then you would have no concerns about being cut or poked or scratched etc. He might have been disappointed, and he might have made an attempt to negotiate. He might share that his way of engaging in knife play may not be about cutting you, but instead be about getting you to move for him to avoid being cut, for example, and it may be something you come to try and enjoy and look forward to, but since you pretended to be interested in it, your head never got into subspace during the scene….and so I think that it is best to be authentic. Only agree to things you know you can handle on either side of the slash.

If you are new at kink, there is a lot to consider in negotiating with a play partner. First, are you chatting with someone with the same goal? Is this pickup play, are you thinking longer term? Are you clear what the experience level is? Do you have knowledge of the tools planned to be used? Is there attraction? Are you clear in your thinking? Do you have a friend you are in communication with that knows where you are going and who you are with? Are you negotiating about an evening or a weekend or longer? Does the person with whom you are negotiating scratch your itch? Do they understand what you are seeking exactly? Will there be penetration? Do you require condom use? There are so many details to get right. The main thing is to be in communication so that if a detail gets missed, there is a pathway to resolving the issue.

There comes a decision point in any negotiation. A point where, as a Dom, you get to ask the sub to give you her consent. When I was in this situation with a new potential partner, I would have her go off in private to do a task I requested in order to set the stage. After she made the decision to give her consent, in order to demonstrate that she was in fact giving me her consent, the last step to bring the negotiation to an end and to begin the scene, I would give her a butt plug and lube and send her to the bathroom so she could have one more opportunity to consider what came next, and a chance for her to choose to go forward or not in private without any pressure. She was given the choice to go and insert it, with the instruction to bring me her underwear by way of confirming that she was giving me her consent. I have met with prospective subs where they chose to go forward and sometimes, they chose not to go forward. Kink is as intimate as it gets. If a sub chose not to go forward, I would always honor her choice, no questions asked. She must choose to submit from my point of view. Period.

In the case of negotiating around discipline rather than play, when I negotiate with a sub for hard impact play or brutal punishment as in the context of a discipline where accountability is the issue and sexual contact is not at issue. In this case, I require her to give me her consent on video with her spoken words so that if there was a later dispute, that would be time stamped evidence.

Kink is very exciting, It’s very hot. It’s risky and edgy, and it’s super fun. BUT it’s only those things when both sides of the slash are in full agreement without constraint.

Be smart. Negotiate from a place of complete authenticity, and reach agreements that allow you to play unreservedly. Otherwise, how can you give your consent or accept the consent of your play partner?

Lady Petra Playground

A Kink Relationship Coaching Program offered by Lady Petra and SafferMaster

Kinky Cocktail Hour Podcast

Find Lady Petra Playground at https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground

My Kink Journey

December 5, 2020 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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I first got exposed to what I refer to as “my darkness” when I was 16. I was a gymnast on tour in West Berlin, a real liberal city in those days. Sex shops on every corner it seemed. I purchased a hard-core porn magazine with straight up kink that included bondage. It also had long essays in the back. I read and re-read one particular story that aroused me in ways I did not fully understand. It was a story about a mother-daughter team of geisha girls who serviced their client together. The story described him torturing the daughter’s breasts by pinching her nipples so hard she screamed while the mother tongue fucked his ass and stroked his cock. The climax was him fucking the mother’s ass while she ate her daughter’s pussy, and when he got close, she called out to him to “Hurry up and cum and then piss in my ass before you lose your hard on.” I stroked my cock to that story thousands of times! I never understood at the time that my fantasies around that story were really my first look into my own darkness.

At 17, I had a much more direct experience that caused me to experience direct arousal. I played footsie with a girl, K, who sat in front of me in class. She would often masturbate in class while sitting on my foot. One day she created a disturbance and was brought to the front of the class for punishment. She got caned. She took her strokes without a word, and then, returning to her desk, she sat on my foot and had a massive vocal orgasm that the class misunderstood as a cry of anguish. This awakened something in me, although I’m clear that the glimpse into the darkness, was only a crack in my vanilla shell.

At age 26 I married the preacher’s kid, and she was pure vanilla in bed. I found myself in my late 20’s spending time reading the “Back-Page” personals of the local free papers where women and men were very direct in their seeking posts. This was evident by them inviting hard core kink into their lives. I was so intrigued and also quite envious. I talked to several of these women and found the conversations seamless. I was naturally dominant and they soaked up my fantasies. Eventually my growing desire for kink had me connect with a sub who got turned on by my fantasy about handcuffing her to the park bench at the local university and using her repeatedly there. She invited me to meet her and to take her home to give her a hard spanking with a wooden paddle. It was my first experience as a Dom. I saw her a couple of times.

Meanwhile, in my vanilla life, when we were packing to move our house, my wife found the toys I had purchased in a bag that I had placed at the back of a file drawer in the garage. She confronted me right there in the garage, and so I shared with her what I had done and why. She kink-shamed me and insisted that I “Get rid of the toys.” I contacted the sub that I had played with and gave her a departing hug as I handed her the toys I had only ever used in a scene with her. She was tearful at the moment, and although I never saw her again, we kept in touch and I learned that she had connected with a Dom with whom she was happy. Even though my wife kink-shamed me, she would ask me to tell her about the play scenes I had engaged in with other women during our own foreplay. That is not to say that she approved of me playing with other women. She also made it clear that she wasn’t interested in exploring her sexuality in kink beyond fantasy. Kink was for other people.

Over time, my darkness pulled me to seek out a variety of kinky experiences on a slightly more frequent basis which had the natural impact of my wife and I drifting further and further apart as we became estranged. Our divorce was the natural result of the space growing between us day-by-day.

After the marriage was over, I had made the choice to explore the darkness. I was fortunate to experience a truly kinky existence where I got to do whatever I wanted, with whom I wanted, as much as I wanted, and as often as I wanted. I got really related to the darkness within, but I found the lack of intimacy the key driving force in my ongoing search.

That search led eventually to creating a 24/7 TPE dynamic in relationship with Lady Petra, with whom I have a sex forward, deeply kinky and truly loving relationship.

That’s the preamble to my thoughts about the role of kink in forming truly loving relationships.

Here is the premise. As human beings, sex is one of the most powerful driving motivators of behavior. It’s also true that sex is one of the primary sources of space between a couple. To put it another way, conflict about sex causes couples to build distrust which gradually becomes contempt for one another. Consider that it’s very common to have fantasies about other partners while engaging in sex with your partner. It was true for me and it was certainly true for my wife as well. When we had sex, I would always fantasize about my ideal kink scenarios which more often than not were scenes like the one I read about all those years, or my high school experience watching K get caned, and (this is the important part) I would never tell my wife about my fantasies. So as time passed, there was more and more space between us. The less we talked about our deeply held sexual desires, the more inclined I was to seek satisfaction outside of our marriage. On a gradient, more and more space developed between us. From 10,000 feet up, it was obvious, although in retrospect, the space was not even slightly visible to me at the moment.

I know now that as humans we live inside of stories. Stories about sexuality are deeply held self-beliefs. We create self-talk like: “I am not …. enough” or “I can’t have …” etc. At any given moment, and because we live inside of a story hidden from our view, we don’t realize that the story is driving the context of our life. Even as the impacts mount, the reality is hidden from our view. Gaining access to this information, that those self-beliefs give us context, was key for me to be able to create something new like the dynamic that I have created with Lady Petra.

What I have with her, is what we call a created relationship that is sourced in kink. Which means that in the context of our sexuality we have regular and authentic conversations about what we like, what we desire, and what we don’t like or want to experience. There is nothing wrong and she can ask or request anything as can I. She creates me as her Dom, and I create her as my sub. This means that there is quite literally no space between us that arises from unspoken sexual desire. We also have a commitment to not allow any space to occur. Unspoken withholds are out of integrity. The result is that we are able to ongoingly create unimpeded connection. The fact that we allow no space between us and that our relatedness and connection continues to expand and grow inside of an integrous relationship means that we get infinitely closer and closer together and it feels like we are one.

We describe palpable “magnetism” between us. She experiences my energy as much as any other part of my being. The energy between us pulls us closer together. We experience it as “animal magnetism.” The sex is ridiculously hot. Its naughty, its kinky, its passionate, its daily.

So to summarize:

Having an authentic relationship sourced in kink with both partners in full unconstrained communication provides an opening for a deeper connection which is self-fulfilling as the couple gets closer and closer

till the magnetism itself takes over and the couple is drawn together with an unbreakable electro chemical bond.

In that as kinksters we explore our darkest fantasies in reality, a significant cause of human inauthenticity is resolved, making the fullness of relationship available.

The closeness that kink creates, especially in the context of an aligned D/s couple, allows ever deeper sharing to occur. So closeness creates closeness. It’s the source of our ability to connect energetically.

Consider that the difference between almost boiling water and actually boiling water creates a change in state of the water such that instead of just being able to make tea, you can actually move a train. That same idea is true in relationship. If you are all in with the integrity that kink creates and allows for, the dynamic can also experience a change in state. One that solidifies a relationship with superglue.

Kink, practiced correctly, that is to say with integrity and authenticity in the dynamic, causes relationship.

I wrote this prose recently:

I have had the experiences of a lifetime

I have endured the long painful existence of a mostly sexless vanilla marriage

I have explored being a “fuck-any-slut” Dom

I have explored polyamory to a degree

I have been a Bull to hotwives

I have discovered my true self expression as a Dom and as a Sadist

I have collared a submissive masochist

I am living in a 24/7 TPE

What is so is that I am more fulfilled sexually, emotionally and in relationship that I have ever been in all my life

Kink was my access to happiness

In truth, gratitude is the access to happiness

Through kink, I found a partner with whom I am truly aligned

With her I am experiencing love and happiness for the first time in my life

I am experiencing a state of bliss

Kink was my access to happiness

I am grateful for my kinky existence

Saffermaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching, and produce the podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour which is available in most directories. You can find them on their Patreon Lady Petra Playground or reach then via email SafferMaster@gmail.com or LadyPetraPlayground@gmail.com. SafferMaster and Lady Petra are teaching a webinar on DatingKinky.com titled “What’s in Your Kinky Toolbox” which can be found on the Dating Kinky webinar page.

Finding Your Ideal Kinky Partner

October 4, 2020 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

Dakota found just the kind of guy she was looking for

When I found myself divorced after a long, long unhappy and sexually unfulfilling marriage, I resolved to find my ideal partner. I made the choice to create a 24/7 sex forward, kink forward relationship with a submissive masochist who would be my live-in collared slut and true love. This was singularly the most important choice I could have made at the time. It took me a couple of years of focused effort to find her and to create the amazing life we live each day, which surpasses everything I could have imagined. In fact, I would say that the outcome is far beyond my wildest expectations. I am present to a life of kink, with extraordinary sexual encounters every day that are literally mind blowing. Beyond that, my partner and I are 100% aligned with each other in literally every way. The difference this has made to my life is extraordinary. Imaging being married to a woman who was more interested in motherhood than our relationship and who found kink “too naughty” to engage in on one hand, compared to now, where I am completely fulfilled in my darkest kink desires routinely, and our journey down the rabbit hole together is exciting, producing moments of ecstasy that are completely indescribable every single day. It is the difference between chalk and cheese. I am present to being happy, fulfilled and loved in a manner that was simply not available to me in the past. The effort was worth it.

If you were to ask my partner, Lady Petra, she will tell you that as my marked, collared slut she experiences feeling complete in a way that is new for her, being both deeply loved and also experiencing what she describes as “true love”.

In short, we are happier and more fulfilled in our relationship than either of us had ever been, or knew how to be.

This level of alignment is available to you too. This article is a primer on how to set about finding your ideal partner and creating the relationship of your dreams.

If you can see it, you can create it.

Begin by Imagining the kink relationship of your dreams. Imagine being completely aligned with your partner. Imagine having a relationship where there is no space between you, where you have no concerns, where the sex is extraordinary and where you are truly whole-hearted. Imagine both you and your partner being fully self-expressed as your true authentic selves.

A shared love of spanking brought Lola and OT together

This state of bliss is absolutely available to you.

A good place to start the inquiry of how to bring this about is to get crystal clear as to what your motivations are. Here the issues are personal. How do you see yourself and how do you interact with the world around you?

Then there are the concerns that relate to two people creating workability in their relationship. Are you looking for a life partner? A play partner? A Master? A Slave? Are you in touch with your demons? Do you play well with others?

Make an inventory of who you are. Are you able to keep your word? Do you have personal integrity in your relationships? Do you know what, in a perfect world, a relationship with your ideal partner would look like beyond the sex?

The first step,then, is to get completely clear about who you are….how you see yourself. The second step is to examine how you see others.

Think of kink as being represented by a sheet of paper. The range of kinks on the X- axis, with the range of intensity on the Y-axis. Imagine that you occupy an area the size of a quarter on that page. The objective is to find a partner with whom you have maximum overlap.

Time to ask yourself some more questions…this time the questions are related to your sexual desires, i.e. in a perfect world, what specifically you like done to you, what specifically would you like to do to your partner. What level of intensity do you desire? How frequently do you like to play. How long does your ideal scene last? What sort of aftercare you desire and so on.

Step three is to consider how you occur to others.

It’s time to get your social media platform to align with your self-discovery. The best advice I can give you here is to be completely authentic.

I wrote a seeking post that I spread around the kink internet. I posted it as my “About” in my profiles and within a week, the women I was seeking showed up.

She said to me on our very first date “I swear, you wrote that to me, personally”. She had embarked on her own search by reading hundreds of profiles. When she landed on my page she knew she had found her man. Now, she is my collared slut and we are incredibly happy.

The point is that you have to do the prep work to be able to successfully attract your ideal partner.

Its 3 parts:

– How do you occur to yourself ?

– How do others occur to you?

– How do you occur to others?

Doing complete work will give you the best chance to create your ideal relationship. Good luck!

SafferMaster and Lady Petra are kink relationship coaches offering a range of services that can be accessed on their Patreon “Lady Petra Playground”. In addition Lady Petra and SafferMaster host the daily podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour that can be found on your favorite podcast server. Lady Petra and
SafferMaster will teach a workshop on DatingKinky.com in
September/October. You can find Lady Petra on Fetlife @Lady_Petra. You can find SafferMaster on Fetlife @SafferMaster.

SafferMaster

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