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SafferMaster

On Being A Man In The Kink Scene

September 16, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

My sister died recently and one of my children said in response…”she lived well”…which I found an odd  reaction considering that she had spent many years in seclusion fighting depression, had not been able  to maintain employment, and had otherwise swindled people out of money to survive. I found his  remark, well, odd.  

Even so, his note that “she lived will” had me look at my own life from the point of view “lived well” and  to make an assessment of what that expression implies for my experience of being alive.  

As a boy, I was not particularly aware of myself. I fantasized a lot about life because I spent a lot of time  reading books, many more adult than probably made sense for a kid to read. So, I spent a lot of my  youth in fantasy. I masturbated furiously. I grew up without TV, skin magazines like Playboy and  Penthouse, were banned, and so much of my fantasy reflected the adult books I read.  

As a teenager, I became aware of my athletic prowess, and excelled at all sports. I played soccer, rugby,  cricket, tennis, squash, field hockey, and did track and field. I also swam and dived. I had great balance,  and body control and good hand-eye and foot-eye coordination and I had a high IQ for sports. I was just  not a very big fella, so I ended up growing into a competitive gymnast that competed at the very highest  level thorough high school, and I played soccer at a high level too. In class, I was the “funny guy”. I drove  teachers crazy. I became aware that girls found me sexually attractive. When I was 16, I spent time in  Berlin and hung out in sex shops. I brought home a very kinky German kink magazine that had scenes in  it with bondage, discipline, incest, anal, piss play, and more. My masturbation fantasies changed almost immediately.  

I dated girls from about age 13, although it was all very innocent until I was about 17 or 16, when Pam,  this voluptuous sexy vixen, the high school prom queen, took me into a room at a party one night and  said “I have been waiting to get you alone” and then she pushed me onto a bed and to my delight, she  sucked my cock.  

The girls came fast and furious after that. I fucked as if I was the last man on earth. And I was not at all  aware of my manhood. If she was willing, I fucked her.  

When I met, dated and then married my wife between 5 and 8 years later, I was mostly aware of the  expectations of family and society. Get married, hold down a job, have children etc., and I can now say  with certainty, that I was completely unaware of myself as a man. Sex was largely fetish free. She was  the preacher’s kid after all.  

I first became aware of my sexual masculinity about 10 years later, at age 38, This occurred in part  because while raising children, my wife simply refused me her body. Once she stopped nursing, she  persisted in her refusal. There I was, providing for her and my children and she simply turned off our  sexual connection along with the associated loss of intimacy and relatedness. the next few years were  hard. Sex is my love language.  

I had not signed up for this, so I asked for a divorce. We set about starting that process and realized that  it would be quite complicated. We agreed not to pursue it, and to have a slightly open relationship…a  don’t ask don’t tell policy. It was not workable. I was miserable. I called a lawyer. 

My first real moment of clarity occurred when about 6 years into our estrangement, even as I was still  working on terms of a divorce, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and begged me to “stay and to  make it go away”. I remember, I was speaking to my attorney on the phone, and she called on the other  line and asked to speak to me urgently. I hung up to take her call. She was hysterical and said, tearfully,  “you can’t leave now”. She asked for me help. I agreed. I set to one side my differences with her while  we set about managing and treating her illness.  

During the next 8 to 10 years or so, I learned more about my masculinity as I encountered women who  made themselves sexually available to me and who enjoyed my fetishes. On a gradient I learned more  about the full spectrum of my kink. I also discovered that when submissive women are self-expressed,  

they are more connected to their primal selves and more authentic than I was able to deal with at first. I  needed time to understand the sexual power I seemed to naturally exude.  

When I finally got divorced, I was lucky to meet several self-expressed submissive women who pushed  me to explore the darkest parts of my nature and who gave me access to the full spectrum of kink, and a  glimpse into the true power of a D/s dynamic. It was a bit of a surprise to find so many women eager to  submit. I had no idea. In many ways I was living a sheltered life till then. I learned a lot about my desires  by taking on different Dom personas. I found myself a solid disciplinarian, a sadist who enjoyed wielding  the cane and the flogger. I found chains appealing. I found I enjoyed acts of humiliation including water  sports. I discovered I liked the excitement of kink. Tying up and fucking women was more appealing than  I realized. I also came to recognize newly that for me, sex is indeed my love language, and I was  determined to find a woman who was both horny and an obedient submissive masochist. Even with  access to the full spectrum of kink, I was still empty inside. I wanted, in fact needed the intimacy of a  loving relationship in addition to the kink. In addition to a through the roof sex drive to match my own  she needed be comfortable in her body, and also searching for more than kink and sex. I craved kinky  sex for sure, but mostly I craved the intimacy that leads to a meaningful loving relationship, and I was  convinced that I needed to partner with a likeminded submissive.  

I began to truly discover my masculinity and unlock the power that the D/s dynamic allows as possible.  The deeply naturally dominant male inside me longed for and needed the power of a loving and willing  slut with whom I could accomplished the impossible. I intended to experience my own masculinity more  acutely while she herself realized her own femininity as a corollary. I wanted a partner who would jump  into the rabbit hole with me, hand in hand. It occurred to me that as much as I needed to be a sadistic  Dom, I needed a submissive slut who herself needed to explore her own masochistic tendencies. We  cannot exist at all without each other, and I set out to find her. That much was clear. As I searched for  her, luckily, I found her searching for me. Our good fortune is that we are completely aligned. It’s  perfect. We are deeply connected and aligned in every aspect of our kink and more. We have been  exploring our 24/7 TPE D/s dynamic, stretching each other and growing ourselves. It’s been amazing.  

It’s only now, 3 years in, as the Dominant partner in a Total Power Exchange with Lady Petra that I truly  have access to the deeply dominant masculine nature of my authentic self. What I thought was  dominance has changed completely inside that exchange. I am responsible for her sexuality and her  wellbeing and the impact of that has caused me to use her often and hard every single day, while at the  same time, ensuring that she is deeply fulfilled in her own sexual self-expression. Or as she puts it, I “use  her up”. There is more intimacy than I thought possible. I have learned how to be vulnerable. I have  learned how to meter my power, and how to enroll her in her submission. There is much that has come out of our dynamic, including collaring her that itself has led to such amazing blistering hot sex that I am  filled with desire for her on a daily basis. She is my muse. She is the loving object of my poetry. With her  I am fulfilled as a man like never before. I am also deeply in touch with my primal sexuality. This is new  for me and has only been true for me when I am with her and in the throes of our mutual ecstasy that  we find each other most appealing, and the sex so satisfying.  

She has given me the very best gift a man can have. My manhood. My masculinity. I am deeply grateful  to have enjoyed this chapter of my life so far. I can say now, finally, that “I have lived well” too.  

**Note, this is a personal exploration and not meant to be a commentary on masculinity in general (the author).

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm relationship, consent, contracts, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange, protocol, rituals, submission, submissive headspace, submissive training

Bastinado or Caning The Soles of The Feet

September 9, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

bas·ti·na·do  

/ˌbastəˈnādō,ˌbastəˈnädō/  

HISTORICAL  

noun  

a form of punishment or torture that involves caning the soles of someone’s feet. 

verb  

punish or torture (someone) by caning the soles of the feet.  

“the prisoners were bastinadoed frequently in his presence”  

The German term is Bastonade, deriving from the Italian noun bastonata (stroke with the use of a stick).  In former times it was also referred to as Sohlenstreich (corr. striking the soles). The Chinese term is dǎ  jiǎoxīn (打脚心 / 打腳心).  

The point is that Bastinado has been practices as a form of punishment for a very long time. In kink, on the other hand, as separate from a hard caning by a Dominant for the reason of punishment, Bastinado  can be thought of as a day for the feet to go to the spa. A good place to start with the feet are the  acupressure charts that illustrate the way the sole of foot relates to the rest of the body’s organs. Keep in mind as you work on feet that there is a variance between left and right foot and there is also a  variance between people. With that in mind, viewing more than one chart is a good idea so that you are familiar with the variances.  

Another idea is to familiarize yourself with foot anatomy. Not necessarily to the degree that you can talk  anatomy with an expert, but to be aware of the bones of the foot and how thick or thin they are and  also so that you understand at least in a limited way, what the musculature of the foot looks like.  

So how does one approach a Bastinado scene with one’s submissive/bottom to have them drooling with pleasure?  

First create the ambiance. Dark room, soft instrumental music, a comfortable table, and a range of tools.  

It’s nice to begin with your new knowledge of foot anatomy, a foot massage with a light oil that they are  not allergic to is a great way to begin. Another way to warm the foot up is to do a wax scene with the  feet, but that is not necessary, only nice.  

The thing to keep in mind is that compared to the muscle mass in the arm, the muscle mass in the foot is  minute. The bones are little and it’s important to mitigate against the possibility of causing serious  injury. This is not a torture or even meant to be a punishment. Bastinado is a way to “pay back” the  submissive with a day at the foot spa. It’s good advice to do a butt spanking first to warm up the “root  chakra” before going on to the feet. When you do transition to the feet, make sure to use a thick thuddy  short cane at first to warm up to foot evenly.  

It’s a very good idea for Bastinado to use a shortened cane, which is much easier to control. Work the strokes up and down the foot to warm the sole of the foot evenly.  

Caning the foot is not the sort of stroke you use to mark a bottom. It’s a foreshortened swing with a  shortened cane, the stroke should be no more than an inch or two at most to begin with. To manage  this, it’s best to use a short cane (shorty) with very small partial strokes at first. One way to test how hard you can strike the foot is for the Dominant to first use the cane on his or her own foot first to see  both where and how hard to strike the foot in a manner that enhances the experience. It’s also not a  bad idea to compare what you are feeling to the reflexology charts as you do so. Then have the bottom  do the same and let them tell you how hard to hit. Do this with a shorty. A short cane generates less  force than a longer cane, especially with partial strokes. Even so, remember that your foot is not the  bottom’s foot. My feet are thick and meaty, my bottom’s feet are thin and boney, so I have to think  about her foot with the reality of the difference between her foot and mine, in mind. Every foot is different.  

As with all kinks, especially as you get started with Bastinado, it’s a very good idea for the bottom to  turn the volume up on their thoughts. The top cannot guess what the bottom is feeling and there needs  to be a very useful way to share the experience out loud. One way is for the bottom to share from the  out of 1-10 scale as in: “1, 2 or 3” is light and easily tolerated, “4, 5 and 6” is just right and “7” is too  much and “8, 9 and 10” are all out of bounds. The top should listen to the number the bottom is sharing  so that they can match the intensity of the stroke to the tolerance.  

It’s good to work on one foot at a time so that you as the top can approach each foot from a similar side.  I prefer to stand on the outside of the leg so that my stroke falls (ideally) in the arch and along the pads  of the foot with great toe pad getting the most attention.  

If you are someone who has trouble targeting the strokes accurately, you might try putting a short cane  between the toes to act as a guide and that way you can get full coverage of the foot as you move the target toward the heel. Just remember that tapping the cane, bouncing the cane on the foot with a light  grip as is the bounce back stroke. At most a 2” swing to a 10” swing with no full force swings of the cane  are necessary for a good session. Remember, it’s a day at the foot spa for the bottom.  

Think of Bastinado as a way to pay the bottom back for all the time, effort and energy that they have given you as the Top.  

You can also use a tuning fork or a waxing or a massage and all of the above to make this an amazing  Bastinado experience. Start light, have fun, go slow and enjoy this fetish.  


You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm play, bdsm scene, caning, dominant, foot caning, impact play, power exchange, submissive

Consent in a 24/7 TPE Power Exchange

August 26, 2021 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

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Everything in kink requires consent. It is only inside of consent that the activities we engage in can occur.  Without consent, many of the activities we engage in might in fact be considered crimes. From 1,000  feet away, that is certainly true. On the other hand, simple things, especially now that the nation is  opening up again and we are starting to hear about clubs and play spaces opening up again, engaging  with kinksters in a public space requires consent. “Is it ok if I do this ….?”  

Negotiating in pick up-play for instance, requires at the very minimum, that consent around hard limits  is discussed and agreed to, but what about consent in a 24/7 TPE dynamic? How is consent managed  where one person gifts their power to another.  

In our situation, I am a sensual sadist, and my partner is a submissive masochist. For me to be fully self expressed in my sexuality, I need her to operate as my uninhibited collared slut that gifts me her  submission with her consent. It is a given.  

The question that consideration raises though is how do I know I have her consent? Its not like we go  through a daily scene with me asking her with every action I take if I have her consent. So how do I know.  

One aspect of our dynamic is that we both operate with the full understanding that each of us is 100%  responsible for the health of the dynamic. That requires that each of us respond to any event, thought,  statement or suspicion that there is something perhaps out of sorts by addressing it immediately. We  also hold an especially important context of our dynamic at all times. That being that there is nothing  wrong. So if one of us sees or says something that raises concern, that awareness arises in context that  there is nothing wrong so we can deal with what’s actually so. We do not allow stories to enter into the  discussion. At first, as we were getting related and learning about each other’s habits and routines, we  had cause to have a conversation around this idea that “there is nothing wrong” and once we  established that as a context for our relationship, there have been few if any circumstances where we  would have to address each other from a place of mistrust.  

Another aspect of our dynamic is that we are both sex forward and kink forward. This is something that  was established even before we met. We both wanted to live in a dynamic that was highly sexualized.  The upshot of that is that we play almost daily. The result of having over 1,000 iterations of our kinky  sexuality expressed lives as lived is that we know each other pretty well. I know when I am pushing her  limits and I know when she is on the edge. I am responsible for keeping her on the edge and not taking  her past her limit.  

At the beginning of our sceneing, once she had been claimed, and even to this day after being collared,  she has safe words. Yellow for “I like this but it’s a bit too intense at the moment, keep going” to “Red”  which in our world is simply to “stop now, check in and see if we should continue”. And remember,  there is nothing wrong, so reding out is not a big deal. At the same time, I can tell you that she has used  “yellow” a couple times 3 years ago, and she has never needed to red out. She was told at the outset  that “I don’t break my toys”. This gave her confidence to test her limits.  

This brings me to the most important part of consent in a 24/7 TPE dynamic. Consent is based entirely on trust. 

I have had to earn her trust over time as her Master and as her Dom.  

Consider when we met, I had been operating as a disciplinarian in one dynamic and has a cruel sadist in  another and as a Bull in another and she had never been in a kink dynamic although she had been doing kinky things all through her adult life.  

We had to find a way to relate as kinksters so that our dynamic pulled each of us in directions that we  wanted to explore, and to expand our experience of our own sexuality as we explored the twists and  turns of the rabbit hole together. This was a process of trial and error. Mostly we talked a lot. Before, during, and after scenes. I tried many fetishes and kinks with her and she had the experience of being all  in. When things got too hard, she yellowed and after when asked about things we did, she would say, “I  liked this, or I didn’t like that”. This enabled me to hone the ways we played so that I kept her in a state  of heightened arousal, which is what I find deeply arousing. I want her in a trance state on the verge of climax at all times during our scenes.  

I am sexually aroused when the woman I am with is present with me and puts herself forward to be my  sex toy. My 3-hole slut, my personal masochist. And my partner, Lady Petra does just that. The trust that  is present goes both ways. There are times I want her to Top in a scene to explore some aspect of my  own sexuality, like prostate massage for example, and I need to have complete and unwavering trust in her too.  

One of the ways I know I have her consent is that she chooses to kneel for me whenever I ask. I have  also given her the right to choose to kneel without my request so that if she feels the urge to be used,  she can request that I use her by presenting herself. If she did not feel like I had her consent she would  never put herself forward to be used day after day. The act of preparing for use is consent itself.  

The fact that in being used, she experiences multiple squirting orgasms for about 40-90 minutes at a  time is perhaps one reason that she consistently puts herself forward…but I contend that our  communication is clean enough that if she did have something to discuss regarding our play or our  dynamic, she would do so.  

Our dynamic is a 24/7 dynamic in fact. It encompasses every aspect of life. We have created protocols  for many of the specifics that day to day life requires. Why that is important is that our adherence to  protocols allows us to keep a monitor on the relationship in the same way that a pilot monitors his or  her instrument panel. All the dials on the jet’s instrument panel point in one direction. So, if one dial is  out of sorts (pointing away from vertical), the pilot will notice it immediately. This is similar. If there is  not adherence to one or another protocol it is similar to the instrument panel dial pointing in the wrong  direction. In our dynamic that is unlikely though, because Lady Petra is extraordinarily obedient, and I am very much turned on by her obedience.  

One aspect of our consent agreements boils down to this. We agree to put the dynamic aside and speak  as equals if need be. Early on in our dynamic, we had to do this a couple of times till we could get flat  about whatever it was that was bothering one or the other of us. For more than 2 years now, that has  not come up. One reason is that we are both being responsible for the dynamic as I noted earlier. We take the idea of creating the dynamic seriously.  

I am responsible for creating how I occur to her. She is responsible for creating how she occurs to me.  She pulls me to her by they way she shows up for me. She creates me when she prepares herself to be used and lets me know that she is indeed ready for me. This means that however long it takes me to get  there, I will find her kneeling offering me her leash, or on days when she is ready to be marked, she offers me the cane.  

I am also responsible for how she occurs to me. Consider that. If she is upset, its my responsibility. Its up  to me to get to the bottom of it and to do whatever is needed to get her back to being happy. I leave her  the way I leave her. So, when she is upset, I own it, and when I say I am responsible for how she is  experiencing me, it is both disarming and affirming. The point is that it is my responsibility to create her  experience as my collared slut. I want her fully enrolled in being my personal masochist. My personal  perfectly designed 3-hole whore. My fuck toy. I want her to have the experience of feeling like being  with me is a magic carpet ride. Every day. How do I know I have her consent? Because after I use her,  she sits up and takes my face in her hands and kisses me passionately telling me that I am a magician.  We describe our experience together as “bliss”. We both experience what our Tantra friends call “a  Kundalini Awakening”.  

I have her consent because we are both experiencing the deepest, most connected, most intimate,  highly sexualized, satisfying, passionate, hottest loving relationship we can possibly imagine. And we  created it. It has turned out better than we could possibly expect.  

She chooses to kneel for me. This is how I know I have her consent.  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/  

Tagged With: bdsm play, bdsm relationship, consent, contracts, dominant, master, mistess, power exchange, protocol, rituals, slave, submissive, submissive headspace, submissive training, subspace, tpe

The Pursuit Of Peak Sexuality

August 19, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

A while back while looking for my ideal partner, I wrote a piece called “I did the math”. The writing  examined the notion that just on the basis of numbers, that there were at the time, about 1200 ideal  possible candidates for me just on Fetlife. Out of that writing, I found my perfect partner who was  literally “made for me”, or as she put it, my “…Fairy Godmother did an excellent job”.  

Now that we have been together for 3 years, and now that we are quite literally having mind blowing  sex every day, I thought I would examine a different question. That being related to our pursuit of peak  sexual experiences.  

This is much harder to quantify, in that there is no real data to reference, but by inference, let me try to  determine how many of us are in fact, engaged in regular mind-blowing sex approaching peak sexuality.  

First let’s define what mind-blowing sex is. For us, it is entirely a function of our kink dynamic and that  we are in a 24/7 TPE where, over the past three years, we have distilled our sexual encounters to about  45 minutes to an hour of scintillating hot sex every time. We like to think that we have created pure  hotness that is the distillation of a 3-years inquiry into what gets us off. Now we are a Sensual Sadist  and a Sensual Masochist living a 24/7 TPE lifestyle. She is my collared 3-hole slut. We have had sex  practically every day that started with and includes an intense spanking that leaves her ass bright red,  with her cane marks from the weekend showing up as highlights. Beyond that there are some other  aspects that make it hot. We are deeply engaged in hypnokink (more later) and she is being trained to  have a “mouthgasm”. In addition to both of us giving the other oral, there is also analingus in both  directions and there is a lot of ass fucking. In fact, when we finally get to climax, we feel as if we are  quite literally one creature. Think about the creatures in the movie “Avatar” that join electrically and  share the same brain. When we climax together, me fucking her ass hard after lighting it up and brining  her to orgasm with my mouth and finger, and after she has brought me close to climax with her tongue  on my ass and her one hand holding my balls tight while she strokes me with her other hand, the  electrical energy is palpable. It is as if we are in the Matrix.  

So that is the sex, but what happens after must be taken into account as well. We are both completely  used up and need a while to recover. We are both in a lingering trance state, her a subby trance and me  a Dommy trance out of that encounter. All we can do is hold hands and smile at each other. No words  are possible or relevant.  

So on to the examination.  

First, I make the assumption that only kinksters can actually have ridiculously hot sex. You might quibble  with this assertion, but for the sake of argument, accept it as what’s so. As a result, we can eliminate  everyone who is not a kinkster. According to a 2005 survey by Durex, 36% of Americans use kinky toys  during sex, vs the 65% of university students that dream about being tied up, that from a 1999 study.  

So, the current US population is around 330 million, which means that about 118.8 million are engaged in kink.  

The second point of elimination is the question of simultaneous orgasms. I am using this as a criterion  because for us, that single moment is the essence of pure hotness. According to a survey conducted by “Uncovering Intimacy”, they determined that only 4% of couples experience simultaneous orgasms every time.  

So that means that only 4,752,000 kinksters are experiencing multiple orgasms.  

In essence this means that only 1.44% of people in the US are having both kinky hot sex and multiple  orgasms. A rare group.  

With that established, the question as to what is occurring arises. Let’s examine the chemistry. Being  with my partner and seeing her kneel for me ‘…unleashes a flood of neurochemicals including  testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine, and norepinephrine that have the impact of amping up feelings of  tenderness and attraction. Meanwhile, serotonin levels drop, and deep in the reptilian brain, the  caudate nucleus, associated with hunting and prey, lights up. This creates a “Herculean mating urge” as  an impact of being drenched in chemical that bestow focus, stamina and vigor driven by the motivation engine of the brain’ (Fisher).  

We quite clearly devolve into our most base animal natures as we experience screaming simultaneous  orgasms. We are left joined and panting as we come back to earth.  

This is all very well, but how does it translate into reproducible practice for the average person? This is a  much harder question to answer because there are just so many variables to consider.  

First of all, I did a bunch of work for like 4 years really examining what it was I was seeking. At the same  time, I explored all aspects of my kink as a sadist. I was lucky enough to have an array of partners,  submissive women, who challenged me to explore myself fully. Then, when I was clear about what I  wanted, I began to search for whom I wanted to explore my sexuality with. When I found Lady Petra,  she was in her own inquiry, and she did a lot of personal searching and self-examination as she asessed  her own motivations for well over a year. At some point during that year, we implemented a daily  maintenance spanking routine, which had the impact of accelerating our inquiry, and creating a very hot  sexual scene that occurred daily out of that spanking. This was at the same time massively enjoyable on  one hand and on the other, Lady Petra was able to explore herself as a masochist. She did this by  examining her response to different implements and intensities. That inquiry revealed that with the  correct implement, the heavy flogger, and the correct delivery, hard rhythmic strokes for an extended  period of time, she began to experience intense arousal and even orgasm. On a daily basis we played  hard. I like to say that we have over 1,000 iterations of our inquiry so far.  

What was revealed to us in our inquiry was the key to our search for real intimacy. And it was not until  we were both willing to truly be vulnerable that we were ablet to experience that “Kundalini  Awakening”, and it was only after that, fully two years into our dynamic that this experience started to  occur in a very predictable way. Prior to that, the experience would occasionally occur, but in a more  random fashion even though we were having hot kinky sex every day.  

In part, our recent new sexual freedom is a function of our Anal April experience where Lady Petra was  in virtual chastity for a month, during which time we only had anal sex every day, for the month. That  experience opened up her relatedness to has ass as a sex organ.  

Add to that the Hypnokink we are employing as a way to begin our scenes, and you have the formula for  reachable nirvana level peak sexuality. 

For us it has been a multiyear pursuit and now, with experience, skills, honed kinks and complete trust  between us, the access we have to peak sexuality is very real. Our experience has been described by  practitioners of Tantra as quite remarkable and approaching a state of cosmic energy, here is what one  such educator, Mystic Chick, had to say:  

”When you get into the space you [are] in with Lady Petra during that passage, it became an  intertwining of energies. But then it evolved into it’s own living, energetic being. When you  come together in that way, you are creating a special type of magic. It feeds and inspires  others by contributing to the Collective Unconscious. This impacts other’s encounters on a  very subliminal level. This type of energetic play can be healing for yourselves and others  This is because when you two are sexually engaged in this manner, the chakras are open  and Shakti (kundalini) is flowing freely. Shakti is the creative force that puts you in touch  with cosmic energy (which may be why you described your encounter with LP as “alien”)…” 

To create this experience in an even more predictable manner, we recently began to practice Hypnokink as I mentioned.  

ECSTASY – noun  

– an overwhelming feeling of great happiness of joyful excitement “there was a look of ecstasy on  her face”  

– an emotional or religious frenzy or trance-like state, originally one involving an experience of  mystic self-transcendence  

– an overpowering emotion or exaltation: a state of sudden, intense feeling  

Origin:  

– First recorded in 1350–1400; Middle English extasie, from Middle French, from Medieval Latin  extasis, from Greek ékstasis “displacement, trance,” equivalent to ek- ec- + stásis stasis  

Synonym Study for Ecstasy  

– Ecstasy, rapture, transport, exaltation share a sense of being taken or moved out of one’s “self”  or one’s normal state and entering a state of intensified or heightened feeling. Ecstasy suggests  an intensification of emotion so powerful as to produce a trancelike dissociation from all but the  single overpowering feeling: an ecstasy of rage, grief, love. Rapture shares the power of ecstasy  but most often refers to an elevated sensation of bliss or delight, either carnal or spiritual: the  rapture of first love. Transport, somewhat less extreme than either ecstasy or rapture, implies a  strength of feeling that results in expression of some kind: They jumped up and down in a  transport of delight. Exaltation refers to a heady sense of personal well-being so powerful that  one is lifted above normal emotional levels and above normal people: wild exaltation at having  finally broken the record.  

This particular definition is the most accurate in describing our experience: 

– “Ecstasy suggests an intensification of emotion so powerful as to produce a trancelike  dissociation from all but the single overpowering feeling”  

As I noted earlier, we find exploring our kink akin to being in a hypnotic trance state. It’s true, there is  ritual and structure to our sceneing that creates a hypnotic context that we sink into and enjoy as if we  are in a trance state. We describe the experience of our scenes as if we have unlocked the Master Level  of the “game”. The sex is amazing, and quite far beyond what either of us thought sex was for all those years.  

Inside of the hypnosis context, we created the notion of a “mouthgasm”, which we defined as an orgasm  that occurs when we engage in deep throat oral sex. Now there is some uncertainty about if she would  have an orgasm in her mind caused by being throat fucked, or if she would have an orgasm in her pussy  as stimulated by being deeply throat fucked. School is not out on that one yet. The very idea itself was  designed to make her into a real 3-hole whore.  

To set up the scene, she began mouthgasm training by using an Hitachi Wand to bring herself to the  very edge of orgasm before I plunge my cock down her throat and only when my cock is all the way  down her throat does she allow herself to cum. That is by using the Hitachi through the orgasm.  

The intention is to gradually stop using the Hitachi as my cock entered her mouth to see if she will  orgasm with the stimulus of being deep throat fucked. At this stage of her training, she still needs the  stimulus of the Hitachi to achieve orgasm.  

Now we are onto Phase two. We are being guided in our exploration of kink hypnosis with the help of a friend who practices the art.  

The first step is to put her into an hypnotic trance and see where that goes.  

This means that I am getting used to hypnotizing her. And she is getting used to being hypnotized. The  skill I am developing at induction is gradually making it easier to hypnotize her. At the moment she is  being hypnotized to experience any touch by me to be Hitachi-like in the way she experiences it. We  started by coaching her to feel my fingertips “vibrating with the power of the Hitachi” as I stroke her neck, arms, back and breasts.  

Next, she is being coached to feel that same sense of vibration from my cock as it enters her throat and  finally she is being trained to cum with the trigger of deep throat penetration by my vibrating cock along  with a simultaneous verbal prompt.  

Over time she will come to accept that deep throat penetration as a trigger for orgasm, and we can begin to remove the Hitachi from the equation.  

Then she will be a 3-hole-whore in reality.  

She is already experiencing mind blowing sexual ecstasy. Her expanding self-expression as a sexual  creature has given her access to a new level of climactic pleasure.  

And its only the beginning of the journey.  

My point is that we are on an inquiry of exploring how far we can take our sexuality and we have had  the experience of regularly achieving this unexpected outcome that quite honestly approaches nirvana. 

While I cannot claim that we have indeed achieve Peak Sexuality, we are very happily well along the path.  


References:  

https://aeon.co/essays/tantric-sex-promises-healthy-bliss-what-does-the-science-say https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/simultaneous-orgasm-survey-results/ 

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/  

Tagged With: orgasm, sex, sexual expression, sexual fantasy, sexual freedom, sexual safety, sexuality

A Deep Dive Into Our Kink Relationship

August 12, 2021 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded
via stock.adobe.com

We live in a 24/7 TPE. She belongs to me. She is my marked, collared and plugged submissive. She gets a  daily maintenance spanking, she kneels for me when asked, and she has full agency.  

We are closer than either of us could have imagined possible. I recently wrote this poem about her: 

My Sexy Slut  

She is my muse  

My creation  

A phenomenon  

A truly sexualized creature  

Her body Pulses  

Vibrates  

And quivers in ecstasy  

Again and again  

She is erotic  

Exotic  

My Cinnamon Girl  

Connected to the earth  

Her animal spirit  

A mountain lion  

Inside her  

Brings me to  

Heights unscaled  

Where air is thin  

Aroused  

Excited  

Growling my approval  

We cum hard ‘together  

Me  

And my Sexy Slut  

When we met 3 years ago, we were both coming off long term unsatisfying marriages. She was  subjected to the whims of her domineering partner, and I suffered the scorn of a frigid wife. We both  have kids and we both have a background in athletics and health care. So there was a lot we could talk  about, and yet, we both brought a lot of baggage to the table.  

I had made the choice after a 4-year journey into hard-core kink following my separation and divorce, to  base my relationship on being an out-kinkster. I chose to seek a submissive partner to explore my sexuality with.  

Now to be clear, I had spent those 4 years post-divorce playing in the kink pool, and what I came to  discover was that intimacy was missing. I also postulated that being an out sexual kinkster, that with a  deeply submissive woman I could create intimacy in this relationship where none had existed before for 

me. I wanted to have a love relationship with a submissive masochist who herself wanted to live in a  24/7 TPE.  

With that context I wrote a “seeking post” that did as much as it could to authentically describe both  what I was seeking and who I was seeking, as well as to state clearly what I was seeking. It was an authentic writing.  

During my time playing with different submissives over the previous few years, I was present to how  many women were seeking domination. So, I was not surprised when many women responded to my  seeking post almost immediately.  

One stood out. My writing occurred to her as if it was written to her personally.  

She and I talked for months before we met. We shared stories, fantasies, kinks, desires, goals,  relationship intentions and so on then I tasked her to test her obedience and her access to masochism  as a sexual experience. She passed the test and I was compelled to meet her in person. We met for a  drink at a place midway between us.  

The way she tells it, it was in that moment of meeting me when she took stock of me in person for the  first time, that she chose to kneel for me. I occurred to her as the Dom she was seeking. Soon after our  meeting, I left the country for a month and when I returned, she was out of town for a couple of weeks.  So, we did not see each other again for around 8 weeks. We agreed to meet over lunch, and then we  met a couple of times for dinner and then on the weekend, she came over, and we took a walk and  shared a bottle of wine on the beach. She had done her research. She had lots of questions.  

She wanted to experience a real dynamic. I was interested in her as a submissive and possibly a  relationship partner long term. And the attraction was chemical. We both found each other attractive  and desirable. We were talking about what was needed to begin a dynamic. I told her that she would  need to put herself forward to be claimed, and we talked in detail about what it would take for her to  choose me to submit to. I described the protocol that she would need to follow for the experience.  

She came over one last time to spend an evening with me and she was excited to play but she had not  yet been claimed, and because I had said so, I was not prepared to play with her until she was finally  separated from her husband whom she was in the process of divorcing.  

I share this history because it was those months of conversations that comprised the negotiations for  our dynamic. We talked in detail about our limits, about the context of a D/s dynamic in a 24/7  relationship. What it would be like, the protocols I required, the specifics and so on. We established safe  words and made an agreement to set the dynamic aside while we deal with what there was to deal with  should the need arise. The more we talked the more she wanted to serve.  

She was ready to be claimed. 

This was not an insignificant moment for us. She arrived on time, and she undressed in the entrance  hall, and crawled to the center of the living room where she took the Nadu pose as instructed. Her  training had begun. The claiming was intended to be intense. She agreed to be marked inside and out as  I fulfilled on claiming her as my personal slut, and in choosing to be her Master. She got marked with  several cane strokes and I pissed down her throat and, in her ass, to mark her inside. She was now my  marked slut, and we began the experience of learning how to play together.  

For the next several weeks, she spent weekends with me and from Friday PM till late on Sunday PM she  wore a play collar and we experienced hard-core kinky sex together. We experimented with a range of  playing styles as we learned to interact sexually with each other. It was fun.  

We debriefed after every scene, and I took what I learned about her into the next scene and so on. But  at this early stage it was till experimentation us. She was experiencing her desire, being to be in a real  dynamic and to offer her submission completely, and I was experiencing the joy of training my  submissive to serve me.  

About a month into our dynamic, things started moving fast on her end and she found herself faced with  a crisis. Her ex-husband was starting to behave erratically, and she was being advised to move out for  her safety. I offered her my place to stay, no strings attached.  

She moved in under duress, but she was grateful for the safe space. I gave her the time and space she  needed to allow her to relax into the dynamic. There was zero pressure.  

She and I found that we liked spending time together. It was new for me to have a woman sleeping in  my bed day after day, and we took walks holding hands and talked and talked and talked about things.  We talked about sex, and food and kids and marriage and divorce and nature and being and religion and  spirituality and health and fitness and dogs and sex some more. I was enrolling her in my world and  specifically in my view of a 24/7 TPE along with other topics like abundance, love, relatedness, intimacy  and connection. We got along famously, we enjoyed each other’s company, and the sex was amazing.  

We talked and fucked and cooked and ate together and drank together, it became clear fairly quicky  that with her in my life, my life was dramatically improved. We started to experience good feelings for  each other. She was bold and said so first and I was confronted by my story of being unlovable, so I had  to be with her feeling strongly about me while I figured out how to deal with my own experience. I had  what I wanted and had been seeking right there in my living room telling me that she was falling in love  with me. Talk about being confronted. (I like to define the word “confronted” as to “look at without flinching”.)  

My search had been for intimacy and so that started an inquiry about what that meant for us. We  continued to explore kink and each other and she pursued her cocktail sommelier credential. This led to  us having a cocktail and an in-depth relationship conversation every day after we fucked. We had a play  scene daily and had high protocol scenes on the weekend. It was a great time. Around the same time, I  implemented a daily maintenance spanking regime to address her mood swings. She was much happier after impact play. This was a game changer on many levels. It gave us new access to her masochism and  the sex got hotter (if that was possible) and we got closer.  

In the meantime, her divorce got finalized and with her being complete, the last condition I had set for  collaring her was satisfied, I offered her my collar. She accepted, and now as my collared slut we  continued to explore intimacy in our relationship newly and if it’s possible to believe, the sex is hotter  every time out than it ever was before.  

We came to a place where we were both able to truly allow the other person in – to be vulnerable. The  way I put it was that I would allow her to hold my heart in one hand and a sharp blade in the other, and I  choose to give her the power to destroy my heart. That is vulnerability. She did the same. We got  vulnerable with each other and that made all the difference. We got closer and the sex got hotter. Crazy.  

Armed with a loving dynamic, our 24/7 TPE took off. Then covid happened and we were stuck at home  in our new collared dynamic. And wow, did we love that. We spent 24 hours a day together living a 24/7  dynamic in reality. It was magical.  

Her mixology skills improved and we found ourselves in a deep conversation about our relationship, our  dynamic, and so on, which led us to starting the podcast because if you really think about it, our kink is  communication. We worked on the coaching program, and we got involved in meeting and interviewing  kinksters to discover more for ourselves. Out of that we made friends in the kink community, and we  have deepened our relationship dramatically. We have also been having ever hotter sex, most recently  described as a “open chakras and a flowing kundalini” by Mystic Chick.  

We are getting close to a tantric experience. We have distilled our scenes down to the essence of pure  pleasure. It’s remarkable. We are left breathless and high each time we fuck.  

We love each other, our kink is wrapped into our sexuality, and we continue to explore.  

Our exploration has a few rules  

– There is nothing wrong  

– We do not allow space between us  

– We are each 100% responsible for the dynamic  

– We relate as Dom/sub, Sadist/masochist, Daddy/little, Master/owned property  

These “rules” create a context for the relationship that keeps us on an even keel. And we have  incorporated protocols that keep us ticking along on all cylinders. We are 100% aligned. Its wonderful.  

I wrote this poem recently:  

She Completes Me  

30 years  

Scorned 

Nullified  

Made Nothing if  

Demeaned  

Diminished  

Held in contempt  

Sneered at  

3 years  

Loved  

Cherished  

Esteemed  

Admired  

Appreciated  

Desired  

Valued  

Love is powerful  

Life is in balance  

She completes me  

As you think about yourself and your life and your kink and your relationship dynamics and you are hoping to experience something similar to what we are experiencing, consider that communication is  our kink, and we would not have gotten here if we were both unclear about what we were seeking in the first place.  


Our entire coaching program is designed to get you here…on your own terms. Feel free to reach out to us on https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground where the Task a Day program will give you access to the experience.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm relationship, dominant, fetish, kink, master, power exchange, protocol, rituals, slave, submissive, submissive headspace, submissive training

A Masochists Journey

August 5, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

sexy male Dominant with wooden paddle
via stock.adobe.com

Something happened this week during our High Protocol scene. For my collared Slut and I, this occurs  when she presents herself to be marked. We do this about once a week. I mark her with a heavy cane.  The number of strokes vary according to her desire. The rest of the week she has a maintenance  spanking during our daily play scenes. That is the context.  

We were talking (debriefing) after the scene, and she said that she found the marking sexually arousing.  This got me thinking about each of our transformations as sexual creatures since we started sceneing  together almost 3 years ago.  

For me the transformation to sensual sadist was not as big a step as it was for her to discover impact  play as arousing. I had explored being a disciplinarian and a cruel sadist at length before I met her and  had found, to my surprise, that pure sadism was not my preferred way of being. I had always wanted my  sadism to be wrapped up in my sexuality, and sadism without sex was pointless as far as I could tell. I needed more.  

For her the transformation was way more nuanced and more profound.  

Its best to tell the story of her transformation in the form of a narrative from the beginning. When we  first met, I saw her as a masochist. To wit, I had given her a task to do to test her obedience and her  masochist tendencies – I instructed her to fig herself with a stick of wet ginger and to masturbate while  doing so. She had 3 orgasms. Then she was required to meditate for a few minutes with the ginger  inserted. She had an out of body experience. I also learned that as an elite distance athlete she had a  lifelong experience with endorphins and being in a trance state.  

After a time, I invited her to put herself forward to be claimed. The claiming would involve her being  “marked inside and out”. I told her that I would piss in her ass and down her throat and that I would mark her with a cane.  

It took something to put herself forward in that context. She had chosen me to be her Dom and she  chose to kneel for me. She was courageous. She experienced the early period of our dynamic with some  fear and trepidation mixed with the excitement of being a claimed submissive, the sex was intoxicating  and new to her, and at the same time, she was having an ongoing conversation with herself, figuring out  how she was going to endure and cope with the experience of choosing a sadist as her Dom long term.  She is very competitive, and she was determined to win.  

During the early period of our dynamic, as a responsible sadist, I was trying to read her before, during  and after scenes, so that I could adjust the sadism to her experience as a masochist as lived. In that we  are in a 24/7 TPE, I had a lot of responsibility to make sure that “I didn’t break my toys”. I told her I  didn’t and she trusted that I would not. I had to be good to my word. For about 6 months, we used  different implements and I created many different scenes exploring many fetishes and kinks to see  where she and I were aligned, and how it felt. It was all new and a thrilling, exciting and scary experience  for her to be in this intense sexual inquiry at that stage of our relationship. We first related as kinksters  and as sexual creatures, and I had made the determination to make sure my partner and I were sexually  aligned. We talked a lot about what worked and what adjustments were needed to make things work,  and for a while, that was how we progressed the dynamic. Several months into our cohabitation, in  response to circumstances, I implemented a Daily Maintenance Spanking regime. This was a particularly important event in our dynamic. We learned a great deal, both about her masochism as a result of that  decision, and about my sadism and what it was that pleases me.  

“During this early phase of our dynamic, I had many stories and scenarios running through my  head as I attempted to make meaning of the impact play variations we were exploring. I liked  the idea of impact play as an endurance test of my will and obedience. As a service submissive, I  was determined to win this game. My internal dialogue included judgements that I should be  able to take 100+ strokes of a cane or any other implement my Daddy chose to use to mark his  property. However, I had little experience with most implements…especially within a 24/7 TPE  dynamic. Early on, I was fixated on the stingy pain of implements and how they distracted me  from being present versus enhancing my sexual experience. I was preoccupied with the pain. At  first, I discovered certain implements were not my favorite. I feared sharing that with my Daddy  as I didn’t want to disappoint him…a sadist. However, I was committed to creating no space  between us and so I began to share. What was so wonderful, is that he listened…he too was  searching for his sensual sadistic rhythm. I found that the heavy flogger was my favorite  implement and would crave it most of all. I knew that the cane would always be present as my  Daddy wanted his slut marked. I resigned myself to endure the cane as the trade-off was his  satisfaction and appreciation of his slut welcoming her marks. During this time of caning, I would  try to use various techniques to reframe the pain. I tried crushing the pain and diminishing it I my  mind’s eye. I would realize the caning as flagellations to pay for the pain I had bestowed upon  my children for divorcing their father. I would also use breath control to focus pain out of my  body on the exhale. All methods worked a bit, but were largely unsuccessful ongoingly. When  Daddy implemented the Daily Maintenance Spanking, I was both excited and a bit nervous. What  if I couldn’t take it? After the first week of daily spankings of 200-500 strokes with the heavy  flogger, I began to look forward to this intimate time. I felt myself relax into the flogging and  after about 100-200 strokes, I was warmed up and no longer would feel the strokes individually.  Instead, I began experiencing an energetic buzz throughout my body. My initial physical reaction  was a dripping wet pussy…often running down my legs. This would always be followed by  incredibly hot hot kinky sex with my Daddy. As time passed, I would comment that I could handle  more and more flogging. Basically, I would stretch my Daddy to flog me until his arm gave out.  Around this time, I proposed that 1000 strokes may be fun to attempt. This scene included my  Daddy tying me up in a bent over position with my hands and ankles bound together. He went to  work and got lost in his own Dom space. I too was lost in sub space and only requested to stop  after hitting our goal due to my legs falling asleep and fearing I would collapse.” – Lady Petra  

Mainly we learned after using several implements over time, that she responded best to the heavy  flogger, and to a steady rhythmic firm impact. We learned that after about 125 strokes she started to  experience orgasms as the spanking continued. We tested her tolerance to over 1200 strokes on one  occasion and only stopped because her arms and legs were falling asleep in the bondage. She loved the  experience. Since then, our daily maintenance spanking routine is implemented exclusively using the  heavy flogger and because we both find it so very arousing, we have ridiculously hot sex every single  time. The spanking is now inextricably wrapped into our sexuality. Her relationship with pain had evolved.  

That was a pivotal moment in her masochism. It was when she first started to experience herself as a  sensual masochist. Her experience with pain was something that we talked about a lot. And in fact, the  daily conversations we were having became the impetus of our podcast launch. 

I gave her a view to consider, that pain is an emotion and that its subject to interpretation. She became  clear through the daily spankings with the heavy flogger over time, that the notion rang true for her too.  Even so, the High Protocol scenes where marking occurred, the impact with the cane was more than she  could process at the moment.  

Over time, we explored different elements around caning her to see if we could find a path to make her  experience of being caned as sexually arousing for her as it was for me. We tried giving her a prolonged  warm-up and we tried taking more and also less time between strokes, but we were unable to alter her  overall experience of being caned, which at that time the intensity of being caned had the impact of pulling her out of subspace.  

Recently and quite by accident, we hit on a novel way to approach marking. I noticed one day that she  spontaneously asked to be marked in the middle of a scene. I mark her and then fuck her ass while she  recovers. One day, she randomly stated after being caned while I was fucking her ass … ”Mark me  Daddy”. First of all, I found the experience incredibly hot and very erotic. Second, she seemed to handle  the next cane stroke with ease. It occurred to me that instead of me trying to judge and assess her  status so as to manage her marking without breaking her spirit, she could just tell me what she was  actually dealing with and wanting at the moment. So, we talked about my need to mark her rather than  hurt her, and her desire to be my marked slut. We made the choice to give her the power to determine  how many marks she received after my initial stoke during a marking protocol scene.  

“When I first asked to be marked with the cane, I was deep in sub space and we had already  began the caning protocols. I was feeling so connected and aligned with my Daddy, that I felt his  caning was an expression of his desire and love for me. He cared enough to mark…ME! My love  for him overflowed and I heard myself say…”Mark me Daddy!” I was both aroused and shocked  at what I heard erupt from me. As I bared down reading myself for his mark, something  changed. He marked me and I remember saying to myself…”Wow…that wasn’t so bad.” The  pain seemed to dissipate quicker than usual too. That was the beginning…Daddy stated that  after my 1st cane stroke on marking days, I would then be given the power to request more  strokes. This was a game changer. Now I would request my strokes, which is a bit of a mind  fuck. But, as a switch, to give me power to request my strokes gave me access to experience my  caning in a new and enlightening way. I began to not dread my caning. I began cherishing my  marks as I felt part of the process. My Daddy’s insight truly led to my greater and more positive  experience with marking.” – Lady Petra 

This was a game changer for her. She suddenly started to relate to the pain of being caned with a  different context and mindset. She started to request many more strokes than she had previously  experienced. This was music to my ears. Hot sex became even hotter! Our kink experience was  dramatically enhanced by this simple choice. She could give up her fears around being caned and  contextualize the experience as “being marked by her choice”. As her Dom, I want her marked and as  my submissive she chooses to be my marked property. We are aligned.  

This brings us to what happened yesterday. After our High Protocol Scene, we were talking and she said  to me “I found the caning very arousing”.  

This revelation exploded in my mind as a line that we had been striving to cross, or a mountain peak we  were trying to summit had been achieved. The experience of flogging her led to a massive breakthrough in her experience with impact play and yesterday, the experience of caning has now resulted in a  massive breakthrough in her experience with caning.  

During the scene, which we begin with a hypnokink induction, I framed all our play in the context of an  “energy exchange”, including the caning, and I suggested to her that she experience the caning as a  massive transfer of energy, which it is ultimately.  

Whatever the catalyst, she had a new experience with the cane that left her more aroused by the  experience that she was at any time in the past.  

By the time she got caned during our High Protocol scene, she had already experienced multiple  orgasms, oral, anal and vaginal, and she had been flogged perhaps 500 times with two heavy floggers in  preparation. Despite that, she shared, after the experience, that at the time, she had a consideration  that she was not sufficiently warmed up and, in some ways, nor was she mentally prepared for the  marking to occur at that moment. Even so, her experience of the marking was, surprisingly, one of being  sexually aroused by the caning.  

“This new experience of feeling arousal during my marking occurred to me newly during this  most recent marking day. I found my caning bearable and was able to feel the energy move  through me and back to my Daddy. Not quite sure I fully understand how to replicate the  scenario, but I do think the suggestions relating to energy transfer with the caning helped me  reframe the experience. Our scenes have only been getting hotter and hotter. I feel closer to my  dominant more than any other person on earth. I think all combined, we have access to a door  to Nirvana that few experience. I am grateful to be on a path with such a sexy sensual sadistic  dominant who pulls and demands the masochist inside me to meet him toe-to-toe. He creates  me and I create him. We are only at the beginning, and I am excited to see where we will go  next!” – Lady Petra  

This is a big deal in our dynamic. I am not sure if its due to one reason or another, or if her experience  was created by several combined aspects of the experience. Probably the latter. What I know is that as a  sensual Dom, I wrap my sadism into my sexuality and now I have confidence that as a masochist, she  wraps her masochism into her sexuality, including our marking scenes, and it brings us closer together  and aligns us to an even more precise degree. We are now even more aligned than we were, and to a  degree that I thought impossible with another human being.  

From the start, I set out to sexualize our dynamic and to a large degree I have been successful. Naturally  this could not occur without Lady Petra’s full enrollment and participation. She is my 24/7 collared slut.  She is always prepared to serve me. And now, our journey has taken a turn as it does in the rabbit hole.  

We set out to explore our sexuality and to seek ever more fulfilling sexual encounters. Over the years,  the twists and turns in the rabbit hole have surprised us. We always say that if we take new actions, the  outcomes are unexpected.  

If I had told you 3 years ago that in 3 years, she would find caning arousing, you might have raised your  eyebrows if you had had a chance to interview her back then. But now, three years later her experience  of herself as a masochist has transformed. The crucible that this has occurred in is that over 1,000  iterations, we have distilled our sexual encounters down to a series of the most exciting, most erotic,  hottest actions and interactions from hypnokink, to impact play, to 3-hole penetration, to a give and take that keeps us both in a state of primal lust and now, because of her most recent experience, our  High Protocol Scene has become scalding hot.  

“I love a woman when she has abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her façade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing  and brought out a writhing, mewing, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking  everything I dish out to her…at that moment she is never more beautiful to me except for when I  realize that I have now helped unleash a lioness into the world…”  

−Marquis de Sade  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, caning, dominant, fetish, impact play, kink, masochism, power exchange, sadist, sadomasochism, submissive, submissive headspace

Training Your Sissy

August 1, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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You have an effeminate boyfriend even or submissive husband and discover that you really want a gurl.  So it’s up to you to train your sissy to please you.  

The first and most obvious thing to do is to require that she start wearing female underwear. There is  something very sexy about pulling on female underwear as a sissy. It’s a really good place to start. It’s  also a good idea at the same time to begin some form of anal training. To do so, you can start with a  series of extended trials of butt plug insertion. On a gradient, your sissy can train her ass with a bigger  and bigger plug, with longer and longer sessions of being plugged. You want her to get present to the  idea that her ass is yours to use.  

It’s a very good idea to train your sissy to wear stockings with a garter belt, and high heels and perhaps a  skirt along with her frilly lady’s underwear for public showings. This will really put her in the correct  frame of mind to be your service sissy.  

Obviously, the main thing to focus on in training your sissy is to train her to wear a cock cage. If you  think of her ass as her “man-pussy” and her cock as her “over developed clit”, then it becomes easier to  help progress her sissyfication to full Gurliness.  

Next, you need to begin to teach your sissy how to properly use makeup to make sure she is beautiful  for you. And of course, she will need a pretty pink wig to complete the ensemble.  

Imagine her in an outfit with her pink hair, all made up with her short skirt, garter belt, nylons and high  heels and her cock cage peeking out of her frilly lingerie. How cute!  

It’s a good idea to have your sissy in a collar and leash when you have guests so she on display as  “owned” when she serves you. She can serve you and your friends drinks and hors d’oeuvres while  dressed as your personal French maid to make everybody’s evening fun. And of course, you can use her  and share her with your friends if that is what is desired. She can fluff your girlfriends, get paddled by  them and even pegged by them if you desire.  

Ultimately, while denial is a good teacher and while milking your sissy into a cocktail glass for her to  drink every so often is a fun creative way to give her a release, you really want to train your sissy to be  your pegging bitch. Training her to be pegged should begin with a one finger prostate massage and  progress from there. You should train your sissy to take thicker and thicker and longer dildos with the  goal of eventually using a strap on to fuck your sissy’s ass. Over time, bigger cocks and even fisting her  ass is a possibility. It’s all a matter of training. Remember, your sissy is there to please you.  

It’s fine to restrict your sissy to clean up duty, so she can eat out your cum filled pussy or ass, and its also  fine to teach your sissy how to properly pleasure you orally so that if you feel like having an orgasm she  can oblige. It’s also completely on the cards to train your sissy to fluff or clean your male partners or  Bulls. I have known women to require their sissy to be a fuck toy for their Bulls too. It’s all up to you.  

It’s a good idea accustom your sissy be paddled. The use of a paddle or a hairbrush on your sissy is a  particularly good way to discipline her, and we all know that she will need to be disciplined occasionally.  She should know that when you give her a good over the knee paddling, you do so because you are  training her, not just to be cruel. It’s never a good idea to paddle out of anger. Training your sissy to be  your good gurl is a time-honored process where care and nurturing of her is important. She thrives on humiliation and it’s your job as her mistress to bring her along so that she is well trained to please you  the way you desire.  

The good news is that there are innumerable cis men out there looking for a Mistress to serve. If you  want a sissy, she is there for the taking.  

Like with any kink, sissyfication requires communication. Many sissies do not really know all that there is  to be gained by being feminized, and they often do not expect to have the strong positive reaction to  being feminized that they do. They find that they really come to love the experience, and many go on to  contemplate extreme measures, like castration, to fulfil on their duty to their Mistress. The thing is that  sissyfication is and feminization is not the same thing as transformation. A trans girl is not feminizing  because they are being trained as a sissy, they are feminizing because they are indeed a female inside.  Feminization and sissyfication are aspects of humiliation of a cis male that your sissy thrives on.  

A good way to approach the process of sissyfication is to work on “brainwashing” your sissy. Hypnosis is  a useful tool in this approach. I recommend The Brainwshing Book: Hypnotic, Erotic Behaviorism and  Beyond by Sleepinggirl, who both practices hypnokink personally and she also teaches hypnokink workshops.  

“Brainwashing” is a concept that titillates and mystifies—it implies an intense kind of control over  another person and surrender of will. Within the context of erotic hypnosis, it might be considered a  sort of holy grail to some, but what does it mean to achieve this in an ethical, effective, and mutually  enjoyable way? In “The Brainwashing Book,” she explores a model that teaches and takes advantage of  well-researched psychological principles and intermediate-to-advanced hypnosis skills in order to pursue  this fun, hot form of play—and find how it can improve your trancing as a whole. Sleepingirl is a queer  writer, presenter, and podcaster with a decade of real-life erotic hypnosis experience on both sides of the “pocket watch.”  

So armed with a cock cage, a series of butt plugs, a strap on and several didlos, a collar and leash, and a  good paddle, your sissy can be trained to experience herself as a gurl designed to perfectly please you.  She will need her ladies underwear, her garter belt and stockings, high heels and a short skirt along with  a wig and make up. And of course, the most important consideration, a good attitude. She needs to buy in completely.  

In many cases, it’s a good idea to train your sissy to serve you and your friends. She can present herself  in her pretty outfit and make sure you and your girlfriends have drinks and snacks and she can serve to  pleasure your girlfriends by letting herself be used by them as a fuck toy. This would be a very  humiliating services and one to aspire to rather than one to start out with. I have learned of sissy’s who  are well trained to be toilet submissives for their Mistresses. So the sky is the limit. If you can think of it,  you can train your sissy to execute.  

It is important to emphasize that training a sissy is about enrolling them in the process and bringing  them along on a gradient that allows them time to adjust to the concept and context. Communication is  key. Negotiations must be frank and its important to make progress with each transition with the sissy  buying in completely. This may take some time, but its worth it in the end. The folks we have talked to  who are involved in FLR dynamics who are pursuing sissyfication are among the happiest kinksters we  have ever encountered. Living your true self expression as a kinkster is really powerful. 

We have found that those submissive kinksters who know what they genuinely want and who they truly  are experience the process of sissyfication with an open heart.  

Ultimately its up to you to be responsible for leading the communication to make sure you train your sissy well. If you need coaching to help you train your sissy, then feel free to reach out to us to ask us how to begin.  

On our pod, The Kinky Coctail Hour, we had a conversation with a sissy that is worth a listen  https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/8440166  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominaint, fetish, kink, power exchange, sissy, submissive, submissive training

Bondage

July 15, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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Bondage in kink is a big deal. It’s the “B” in BDSM. Bondage takes all forms. There is the notion of being  owned as a sub, as in you are in a bondage dynamic. You have surrendered your sovereignty, perhaps  not your agency, but your sovereignty. There is bondage in a scene, being tied up or locked up. There is  rope bondage and metal bondage and cage bondage.  

Bondage involves all sorts of tools. If you are into latex, you might be in bondage in a latex vacuum bed.  You might be in a straitjacket, or you might find yourself locked down with straps, tied up with rope,  restricted with chains, restrained with hand cuffs, kept from moving with saran wrap, or even tied up  with a necktie, with zip ties or even with saranwrap.  

Being a submissive who enters a power exchange where bondage is an agreed to activity, you are  looking to surrender your control to your Dominant. As a Dominant, being someone who puts someone  else in bondage, you are taking on the responsibility of that person’s wellbeing while they are in  bondage. This is an especially important consideration. It’s all on you as the “Bondage Top”.  

People do bondage related activity for a number of reasons. The most common experience of bondage  for a submissive is that they feel “safe and secure” in bondage and “cared for” by their Dominant who  make the choice to put them in bondage restraints. For Tops, the issue is simply the arousal that accrues  from power and control.  

The ultimate bondage experience to be enslaved. In most kink-oriented dynamics, the state of  Master/Slave is a roll-play construct, whereas there are in fact those submissives and dominants who  take to the construct very completely and for all intents and purposes the submissive is indeed a slave in  servitude to a Master or Mistress. We have talked to more than one Master and Slave where they  occupy the space of a life of bondage with total control accruing to the Master or Mistress with no  consent accruing to the slave. For the purposes of this piece, I do not intend to examine this level of  bondage. In this writing, I am assuming that all forms of bondage are consensual and are part of kink  play scenes or dynamics.  

Much of bondage play is limited to chastity. For Cis males, a simple cage keeps them in a form of  bondage that is a mind fuck. With their Master or Mistress being the keyholder, that ability to hold a  submissive in bondage in the form of chastity that controls their orgasms can be a very hot way to spice up a dynamic.  

Some forms of bondage, like rope bondage, require the rope top to be quite skilled. Naturally there is  some risk associated with rope bondage. A tie that is too tight in the wrong place can cause nerve  damage. If it’s too tight and on for too long it can cause other sorts of tissue or joint damage too. A rope  top who puts a joint in an extreme compression and does not allow the sub out in time can cause non reversable orthopedic problems with joint failure a consequence over the long term. The point is that in  order to participate as a rope bottom, one needs to be in communication with one’s rope top so that  they can come to a point of clarity about the severity of the bonds they employ.  

Naturally, there are metal bonds. My slut likes to be chained up. She finds that when I pull out the  chains and she hears the clink and clank of the links as I get set up, she drops into subspace almost  instinctively. Chains are very effective in restraining a submissive and with a few handy padlocks, very  quick to employ as compared to rope. They also take much less skill to use, but they do have a downside, that being that the metal is unforgiving vs soft tissue, so make sure not to put compression  on a nerve, especially at the wrist. Also true of you are using handcuffs for bondage.  

Bondage is also art. Rope bondage is quite beautiful when done well. Shibari is the Japanese art of rope  bondage. In fact, “…the origin of Shibari comes from Hojo-jutsu, the martial art of restraining captives. In  Japan from 1400 to 1700, while the local police and Samurai used Hojo-jutsu as a form of imprisonment  and torture, the honor of these ancient Samurai warriors required them to treat their prisoners well. So,  they used different techniques to tie their prisoners, showing the honor and status of their captured  prisoner.  

In the late 1800′s and early 1900′s a new form of erotic Hojo-justu evolved, called Kinbaku, the art of  erotic bondage. Today, particularly in the west, the art of erotic bondage is typically called Shibari, which  is an art of erotic spirituality, not a martial art.  

Shibari style rigging creates geometric patterns and shapes with rope that contrast beautifully with the  human body’s natural curves. The ropes and their texture provide contrast to smooth skin and curves. In  Shibari, the model is the canvas, the rope is the paint and brush, and the rigger is the rope artist.  

The aesthetic arrangement of ropes and knots on the model’s body in Shibari rigging emphasizes  characteristics like sensuality, vulnerability, and also strength. The positioning of knots in appropriate  places stimulates pressure points on the body, very similarly to acupuncture techniques and Shiatsu, a  form of Japanese massage. Some believe a Shibari experience also stimulates Ki energy flow and transfer.  

In addition to creating beautiful patterns, with rope, body and limb placements, Shibari rigging induces  physiological conditions known as “sub space” and “top space”, which are similar to the “runners high”  experienced by athletes. A Shibari experience results in an increased level of endorphins and other  hormones, creating a trance-like experience for the bottom/model and an adrenaline rush for the  Top/rigger. When a Shibari scene is performed with appropriate ambience, these effects are actually  visible in the face of the model. The term “rope drunk” is sometimes affectionately used to describe the  euphoric condition of the model after a Shibari experience.  

For most practitioners of Shibari, the use of rope bondage does not include an unwilling victim like the  “Damsels in Distress” images popular in Detective type magazines. Instead, there is a collaboration  between the Shibari artist (the rigger/Top) and the Shibari canvas (the model/bottom) to create a  combination of effects including visual beauty, power exchange, helplessness, relaxation, and sub space  and top space physiological experiences.  

Contemporary practitioners of Shibari enjoy creating beautiful still images, live and recorded  performance art. Shibari can also be used as a component in BDSM play and an enhancement in sexual  activities.” (source: https://artofcontemporaryshibari.com).  

The point is well taken, playing with bondage is like other D/s play dynamics where the essence of the  power exchange is expressed and realized through bondage play. The sub achieves an altered state of  mind and in many instances, as noted the top does too.  

Something about being helpless seems to be a major motivator for a sub to agree to bondage. One of  my favorite early moments with my sub occurred as I was testing her limits early in our dynamic. The scene cage bondage. I chained her in the cage on all fours. The chain held her head in place with a snug  loop around her neck that tightened if she sagged onto it (this allowed her to explore breath play to her  satisfaction) , and her arms were held in place at the wrist so she had to stay put. She was wearing a  lemon juice infused ball gag, so she was drooling profusely, and at the same time, she had a stick of wet  ginger in her ass which kept her attention, and of course, she was being relentlessly fucked with a fat  dildo by a fuck machine. When I eventually released her from her bondage, she was in a state of deep  subspace that lasted for hours after her release. When we talked later, she described the feeling of  being helpless for my pleasure as making her “very wet”.  

Gags are a simple form of bondage. Remember, all BDSM related bondage is about taking control away  from a submissive in a manner that ultimately enhances sexuality. Whether is gags, or rope, or chains, or  a cage or chastity, or simply an instruction, my submissive does not push back against imposed bondage.  She is obedient and she knows that if she is in bondage, it pleases me. One of the first times I put her in  bondage, I hogtied her. After she finished squirming, she relaxed into it and in a while was in a mental  space of feeling secure in her bonds for my satisfaction and then when I removed the bonds, she was  feeling both the side effects of being in bondage on one hand and proud of herself for being a good girl on the other.  

She likes it when I do things like tie her down and use her because it plays on that helplessness that she  finds so sexually arousing. If I restrain her by her tits while I fuck her ass, she cums hard.  

Bondage lives in the world of a power exchange. One thing we have been playing with in the context of  bondage is the notion of hypnotic bondage. We have found that hypnosis makes everything in our kink  dynamic better and we believe that hypnotic bondage is no exception.  

Bondage is a kink that depends on consent. It’s a choice to be helpless in a sexual context. It’s a choice  to put someone in bondage. Consent is required to take someone’s freedom away from them, even for  a short time. In many ways, bondage is the basic kink fetish that even those completely vanilla folks  sometimes employ to spice up their sex life. And it’s the thin edge of the kink wedge. First, it’s “here let  me tie you up” and then, it’s “here let me blindfold you” and all of a sudden you are mainlining kink. I  jest, but all of bondage play is designed to enhance sexual experiences and this is true from the simple  little tie to a bedframe, all the way to being suspended upside down in a Shibari rope scene. Very often,  bondage is used to secure a submissive who is then subject to impact play. For example, the first time I  used a cane on my slut, I tied her down so she would not squirm in a way that would create danger for  her. So it’s a useful tool in a layered kink scene (a scene where there is more than one fetish in play).  

There is another consideration on bondage where it is designed to be more in the realm of torture than  play. In sado-masochism, the submissive suffers for the sadist. You see this with things like breast  suspension, or perhaps restraining a submissive on a wooden pony, or hanging submissives by hooks in  their shoulders, or using clamps to hold them onto a wall or St. Andrews Cross. There are lots of ways to  add extremes utilizing bondage. I have known Tops to use coconut hemp which is very irritating, on one  hand to rubbing ginger on the metal bar she is resting on with her naked (spread) vagina while  restrained on the other, as a couple of examples.  

As with anything in kink, consent is the key. It is always useful to spend time after a scene with a  submissive in aftercare because of the depth of subspace that often occurs with extended bondage.  Aftercare is very important, and especially the debriefing part of aftercare. It’s important to talk about what worked and what didn’t. What should be further explored and what aspects of the scene should be  discarded. When your scene can inflict permanent damage on a submissive, its best to play with a  healthy dose of caution.  

We did a few podcasts on bondage:  

 Season1 Episode 74 The “Rope Podast” Interview  

 Season 1 Episode 29: Bondage, Slavery, Cages Rope and more!  

That you can find in our archive at https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/ 


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching  options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial  conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on out Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast  platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, fetish, kink, rope bondage, rope bunny, shibari

Living in a 24/7 TPE Dynamic

July 5, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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I live with my collared slut. She and I have a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE). This means that at all  times she chooses to submit to me. Our dynamic is sex forward. So, one aspect of our dynamic is that at  any time, I am free to use her sexually. Our dynamic is kink forward as well. What this means is that at  any time, I am free to do anything I wish to her in any kink context that I choose. Naturally, she is not a  slave, and she has agency, and she has given me her consent. Naturally, I would never do anything to  her or with her that ignored or violated her hard limits. I say “naturally” because all kink dynamics are based on trust.  

When I made the choice to seek a submissive partner to live in a 24/7 TPE, I did so after exploring a wide  range of kink scenes with an array of submissive women. While I was quite happy with the kink, the sex  itself was unfulfilling and I became present to the fact that for me, what was missing was the intimacy of  romantic partnership. In my exploration of kink, I learned some things about myself. What sort of  fetishes I had and which ones I wanted to explore further and so when I began my search, I had a list of  “must haves” and list of “I’d like to have” considerations.  

For example, I knew that I was seeking an obedient submissive masochist who was herself seeking a  24/7 TPE. She needed to into or at least open to my entire fetish list. That was the start of the adventure.  

I wrote a “seeking post” that posted in all the personal’s on Fetlife in the local and nearby cities. Almost  immediately, I received many inquiries from women and I met a few of them. One woman in particular  got my attention. Her questions seemed genuine and her curiosity authentic. We messaged for months,  spoke once or twice and then, I gave her a task to assess both her obedience and masochism. What I did was I asked her to attempt to orgasm with ginger in her ass. It was smore than that, but that was the gist  of it. Not only did she do so, but she orgasmed 3 times and then she sat in a Nadu pose with the ginger  inserted and experienced an out of body moment. That task had me anxious to meet her.  

We met in person at a restaurant and in the very first moments of our meeting, she made the choice to  submit to me. Before we even spoke. My dominant nature, my way of being, my pheromones,  whatever, something in her was triggered and she chose me to gift herself to.  

Over the next few months, she worked to get complete in her separation and file for divorce (something  that was occurring regardless of my interactions with her. Eventually, when she had taken steps to  formally separate, she put herself forward to be claimed.  

In claiming her, I would mark her inside and out as my own submissive. We had talked about this, and it  took courage to put herself as a new kinkster, in the hands of a sadist. The Claiming Ceremony involved  being chained, marked with a cane, having me piss in her ass and down her throat.  

That began a journey of exploration as we explored many different scenes and kinks of a wide variety of  alternatives, to get our kink in alignment. She is very obedient and she does everything I ask. Then after  we play, we debrief and we assess if we should do that again, more intensely, less intensely or not at all.  

Communication in a kink dynamic is probably the most important aspect of our kink and, in truth, you  could say that our favorite fetish is communication. You would not be wrong. I’ll say one important thing about communication between a Dom and a sub. There are times when we need to set aside our  dynamic and talk as equals. This is important because as I noted at the outset, she has agency.  

Before long, she moved in with me and we started to explore living together in a kink dynamic. Not long  after that, we started talking about collaring her. We made the choice to delay the collaring itself until  she had created the space she needed to create a new relationship by getting complete with her  divorce. This is an important consideration. In order to be able to commit herself to me, she needed to  be divorced completely. I needed her to be able to give me her full attention, and with the background  noise of an ongoing divorce she did not have the mindset nor the space to put her attention on  something brand new. And as soon as her divorce was done and she was complete, we began to plan  her collaring ceremony in earnest.  

We took collaring seriously. We wrote our statements out so we would not forget what we wanted to  say and she kneeled in a circle of candle lights and white rose petals as we started the ceremony by  being with each other. We sat there staring into each other’s eyes, silently, or perhaps 5 minutes. We  said what there was to say and then we created an intense and prolonged scene to mark the occasion.  

It was a beautiful private ceremony that bound us in our kink.  

What has happened since then is that we have become closer, more connected and more aligned than ever.  

The best aspect of being in a kink dynamic is what we call “The Rabbit Hole”. Why kink is like a rabbit  hole is that it takes twists and turns and we discover new things about ourselves and each other. One  example is the time I made the choice to give her a daily maintenance spanking. This occurred because I  noticed that as the week passed after our weekend marking sessions, she became “out of sorts” and it  was clear that she was in a great mood after being marked. And while she put herself forward to be  spanked as instructed, what came out of that was unexpected. We used the experience to try different  implements on her and she found that with the heavy flogger, somewhere around 150 strokes, she  started to have orgasms and experience the flogging as electrical energy. We have experimented with  over 1000 strokes, which she loved. This was completely unexpected. Another example is the time I put  her in chastity for a month and we only explored anal sex. She discovered her ass as a sex organ –  eating her ass gives her orgasms. That was unexpected.  

My point is that in the rabbit hole, the twists and turns are surprising and its super fun to have a partner  with whom that exploration is occurring.  

So what makes our dynamic work? First, we subscribe to a few principles:  

– There is nothing wrong.  

– We are both 100% responsible.  

– We are in communication.  

– Trust is present.  

There is one other thing. She is incredibly obedient. I find her obedience a turn on. She adheres to  protocols with a religious fervor. I love it. 

Now a few words on the principles we adhere to. When we say “there is nothing wrong” it is not to  dismiss her point of view or her complaint or mine, it’s a recognition that as human beings, we make  meaning out of things we do not completely understand. It’s a function of being human. What there is  to deal with is “what’s so” about a thing. That keeps us from escalating moments in a negative direction.  Second, we both take full responsibility to keep the dynamic alive and well. Its not a 50/50 deal at all. Its  100%/0%. And we talk. We talk so often about so many aspects about our dynamic that we started the  podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour. And most important, trust really is present. She trust me to use her hard  and not break her. She trusts me to love her and care for her and I trust her to do the same. Intimacy is present.  

Our dynamic works because we are committed and not attached to the dynamic and we go with the  ebbs and flows of our desires and demands. As the Dom, it is my responsibility to read her. To gauge her  energy and her mindset. We have sexualized her completely. She experiences herself as a very sexy  creature And she is perfectly suited to be my personal slut. The result is that our sex is lava hot. I would  say conservatively, that in the 3 years we have been together, we have had sex over 1,000 times, each  time being the hottest sex ever. She always presents herself to be used and it starts there. Lately, we are  employing hypnosis to move her into a trance state more quickly and I am training her to experience deep throat fucking as orgasmic. It’s hot.  

Writing this has caused me to send her a message that I am going to use her hard when she gets home  from work, and I am going to “fuck her silly”. Because our sexuality is wrapped up in kink, this means  that she will get flogged and fucked today. Her response? “Mmmmmm…Very, Very HOT!!”. Then she sent me this text:  

“Verfreude”  

The German word Vorfreude is unique and has no English equivalent. It comes from the  words vor (“before”) and Freude (“joy”) and means something along the lines of “joyful anticipation.” Vorfreude is the joy you experience while you are looking forward to something.  

Germans often say: “Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude” which means “anticipation is the greatest joy”.  

I have Verfreude too.  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on our Patreon:  

https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground 

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm contract, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power dynamic, power exchange, protocol, rituals, slave, slave training, submissive

The Ins and Outs Of Cuckholding

June 24, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

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If you lie awake at night dreaming of having sex with someone other than your husband, you might be Hotwife material. If you think about only having sex with men other than your husband, you may be a Hotwife.  

The first use of the word “cuckold” is reputed to be in 1250 in the Medieval debate poem “The Owl and  the Nightingale”. Many of Shakespeare’s characters suspected that they had become “cuckold”. The  word derives from the cuckoo bird which has a habit of laying its eggs in other birds’ nests.  

Today, cuckholding is a fetish. The cuckold is the humiliated husband of the “cuckholdress”, who in  today’s vernacular, we refer to as the Hotwife, the adulterous wife who explores her sexuality outside of  her marriage with complicit consent and even the active participation of her emasculated husband. This  is not a discussion about non-consensual cuckholding. That would be called “cheating”, and the Hotwife  lifestyle is an ethical non-monogamous lifestyle.  

For a long time, men who had sex with many different women were called “studs” and women who  enjoyed sex were called “sluts” in a pejorative way. What the Hotwife lifestyle allows a woman to do is  to is to fully and openly explore her sexuality with the approval and support of her husband. She is the  modern-day slut as defined by the book “The Ethical Slut” which puts female sexual self-expression into  an appropriately positive context.  

There are couples where the husband and wife explore her sexuality with the husband sharing his wife  with others, where he is not cuckhold. These are the so called “Stags and Vixens” of the swinger world.  This is not a discussion of Stags and Vixens. The true Hotwife cuckholds (denies) her husband with more  or less severe constraints on his sexuality while she enjoys true sexual freedom outside of her marriage.  

The sex partner the Hotwife takes is referred to as a “Bull”. The Bull might be one who is known to the  husband or one who is not. In one of my escapades as a Bull, the cuckold husband found me online, and  gifted his wife to me to use as I see fit. I would send him pictures of me using his wife and he would stay  home to masturbate over the idea that he was getting live real time photos of his submissive masochist  wife being dominated by a sadistic Bull.  

Humiliation is a big part of the Hotwife lifestyle. She may want her cuckold to help her get ready for a  date, buy her pretty lingerie or perfume or even that little black dress, and then she will go out while he  is trying to distract himself at home. She might send him pictures or text messages about what is  happening to titillate him, and when she comes home with a pussy filled with cum, he might get “afters”  and clean up duty or even “reclaim sex” which is so hot.  

To be cuckold, one must love his wife with all his heart and to come to terms with the fact that he does  not satisfy her sexually and be totally OK with her seeking that satisfaction from her Bull.  

So, what drives a man to choose to be cuckold? Often it comes out of a sexual fantasy – “I get hot  thinking of you with another man” from him or “I imagine being fucked by xxx. My old boyfriend, when  you fuck me” from her…that often leads to that “hot first date”. There is a lot of sexual tension in getting  your wife ready to go out on a first date with another man. Its very naughty and so very titillating. 

Imagine the tension as she comes home with her panties filled with cum and as she spreads her legs for  “reclaiming sex” when he gets to eat her cum filled pussy and hear about her hot sexual encounter with  her new lover.  

Very often that is the extent of it. They play that game, and it excites their sex life and their marriage.  

When the Bull gets involved, it can often lead to more. There are times when she is just more dominant  than her cuck is, and she chooses to control his orgasms and explore her own without the Bull’s input.  She may cage him and sissify him all on her own for her own pleasure and he may love or even  love/hate the experience, and this is part of the excitement.  

His denial is a huge turn on for him as well as her. He is sometimes simply denied by her, and sometimes  forced to deny by being required to wear a chastity cage. There is something extremely hot about being  denied for long time and then being allowed to release with her manual attention. I have known  Hotwives who only touch their cucks dick with two finders of her gloved hand and only allow him to cum  into a cocktail glass that he must swallow after he is encourage to cum with her two fingered milking.  

The Female Led Relationship (FLR) is a very hot topic these days. IN these dynamics, he is denied. He is  often caged and further humiliated by being required to wear lady’s underwear, suffer his wife’s sexual  prowess with other men, and finally by being pegged by her either when she comes home, or when she  otherwise pays attention to him. There are those Hotwives who additionally punish their cuckolds with  over the knee (OTK) spankings too.  

One of the more common scenarios is the small-dicked man who simply cannot physically satisfy his  wife sexually with his tiny penis and she chooses, often with his full support, the satisfaction of being  fucked by a man with a large dick. This is true of many Bulls, that they are fortunate to be blessed with a  giant cock by usual standards, and they are advantaged by this good fortune to be able to pleasure  many women. I have talked to Bulls who have fucked hundreds of women.  

Humiliation is one of the major fetish’s expressed in Hotwifeing. Often the cuck is made to watch the  Bull fuck his wife while he sits there, sometimes bound, sometimes caged, often both, watching his wife  achieve orgasms and sexual ecstasy that he cannot possibly create for her with his tiny inadequate cock.  Often, he is subjected to clean up duty. He may have to clean his wife’s pussy or ass, and then he may be  required to clean the Bull’s cock too. There are situations where the cuck is sissified. Made to wear sexy  lingerie and put on make up and perhaps a wig and possibly stockings, a garter and high heels so that he  is pleasing to his wife and or the Bull. He may get fucked by the Bull or pegged by his Hotwife and he  may find his cock permanently retired. He exists as a caged “gurl” to service the Hotwife and the Bull.  

It is not uncommon in this lifestyle to have the Hotwife develop a relationship with her Bull and start to  spend nights over there. Perhaps weekends. I have known Hotwives who have simply moved out  entirely, but still require the cuck to financially support her. This turns into a sort of financial domination.  

I have heard of situations where the Bull who has usually met the Hotwife privately and away from her  home, unexpectedly show up on a Sunday, and while the cuck is fretting over the stove in the kitchen,  the Hotwife is being fucked in the family bed. 

There is so much involved in this lifestyle, it’s a FLR, it’s often a discipline based dynamic, it is overtly  sexual, it involves ethical non-monogamy, it might involve polyamory, it involves gender fluidity, it  involves fluid bonding, it involves denial and male chastity. Mostly it is about the full self-expression of  her sexuality and her pursuit of her ideal sexual partners.  

It turns out that there are many more submissive male cuckhold wanna-be’s than there are Hotwives to  go around. Which makes it a buyers’ market. To take advantage of this mismatch in supply and demand,  enterprising dominant women are creating opportunities for submissive men to serve. One such  example is Femocracy Global which is committed to empowering and supporting Females’ rise to power  in every corner of the globe and they invite male submissives to serve.  

The point is that being a Hotwife is her choice. She has control of the relationship. She might be his key  holder. This is a very powerful dynamic in an FLR. She locks his cock in a cage and she holds the key. Now  he is required to take his mind off his arousal and put his attention fully on her wellbeing. She can  choose to implement a discipline regime; she can take one or more lovers. She can require him to  feminize to please her. She can require that he pay more attention to domestic affairs or more attention  to pleasing her and or her Bull. She can dominate him and switch to submit to her Bull. She can be  strictly vanilla at home and deeply kinky with her Bull who she may take as her Dom or Master, and she  may be able to express herself an a kinky Domme at home. The FLR opportunities are endless.  

As in any dynamic, especially one that involves more than one other person, the secret is to be in  communication. Make agreements. Stick to them. Talk. That is your access to your full self-expression as  a Hotwife. Enjoy the ride!  

You might listen to the following episodes of our podcast to heart how real people are dealing with this  aspect of sexuality (The Kinky Cocktail Hour can be found is on all podcast platforms, or you can search the archive here https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/).  

– The Female Led Relationship  

– The Hotwife Lifestyle  

– The Mind of a Cuckold  

– Stags, vixen, Bulls and Hotwives  

– Pegging and Strap on Play  

– Chastity Queen  

– Domestic Discipline and the 50’s Household  

– Cross Dressing  

– Chastity and Sissifiction  

– Cuck’s, Bulls, and Hotwives  

– The Mind of a Bull  

– Force Orgasms, Ruined Orgasms and Orgasms in Chastity  

– The Pitfalls of Cuckholding  


SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options. 

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

New coaching content can be found on Patreon:  

https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, bull, cuckold, fetish, hotwife, kink

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