slave_bunny

I have noticed there are a lot of new individuals in the community that seem to be unclear about what a D type really is. A lot of these individuals are also unaware of the responsibilities that come with being any rendition of a D type.

Being a Dominant entails so much more than just telling people what to do and getting your fantasies met by doing so.

Sure, Doms can consensually tell others what to do, and in doing so get their needs and wants met. However, there is so much a Dom must consider before making a demand.

First, the s type’s hard limits must be considered as well as their soft limits. It would go against the job description of any Dom to do anything that would actually physically or mentally harm the s type. The Dom must always keep the sub safe.

Soft limits should also be considered because some soft limits are situationally- based as well as mentally-based. What I mean by this is, some soft limits are only safe to be explored in certain settings and/or when the sub is in a certain headspace or feeling a certain way.

Second, what the s type can realistically handle and can physically/mentally do should be considered as well. The Dom should NEVER set the sub up to purposefully fail (unless this has been pre-negotiated and consented to). Now, the Dom can ask for things that might be trying and/or challenging for the sub (again as long as it is consensual and no hard limits are crossed). However, if the Dom knows that what is being asked has no chance of being successful, then I would highly recommend not asking for said thing. Furthermore, if what you wish to ask for is very important to you, you could potentially train the sub on what they cannot do at this time (in hopes that they can perform the task or fulfill the order in the future). Please note, that there are some things that cannot be trained and other things that can. It’s the Dom’s job to gather enough information to know the difference.

It’s also important to not get upset and/or angry at where the s type is currently. It’s always more beneficial to accept the s type, and proactively and practically work with them to help them serve you better. It’s totally acceptable to correct the s type’s behavior, but be careful not to correct who they are. This could negatively affect their self esteem.

If you find that you no longer wish to be in a power exchange dynamic with your sub, then that’s your right as well, and the healthiest break up protocols should be followed by all parties (these should be dynamic-specific).

Again, if you choose to stay with your submissive, it’s important to work with them as a team or at least consider them a part of the team even if all parties have agreed that the sub is considered less than the Dominant.

Third, the Dom should always take into account their own mental state and physical state. You may wish to discipline or punish at a particular moment, but realizing you should not punish until you calm down can be a sign of an aware Dom with great self control. Self control is paramount for both D types and s types. It can be your best friend when you want to do something, but realize you are not in the best headspace to do said thing.

I am also not recommending that punishments and/or discipline get thrown to the wayside because you are too angered and/or upset. I am merely suggesting to recognize when you are experiencing negative emotions that could impede your judgment, and then postpone punishment/discipline until you are in a calmer state. For example, you could tell your sub you will have their punishment for them within 24 hours, or let them know you need five minutes to cool off before talking to them about this, or you could tell them to wait in the corner and think about what they have done until you have calmed down (which would begin the punishment even before you are calm enough to continue talking about the matter). These are just a few options. There are many more to choose from.

Bottom line, the important thing is that you are always fair and just-even when punishing, disciplining, and/or correcting. When emotions are heightened that can put fairness and justice on the back burner. Just like a submissive may have to train on specific skills, so might a Dominant. The difference in training is that the sub has the Dom leading the training, process, and the Dom has to lead their own training (unless the Dom has a D type of their own or a mentor). Doms are people too, and their emotions need to kept in check just as much as subs.

Often, Doms are role models for their subs. With this being said, it would be in the Dom’s/relationship’s best interest to model the behavior and/or core values they wish the sub to exhibit/live by. I am in no way saying that Dominants should act submissive, or behave exactly like their s types, or have the same behavior protocols. I am merely stating that if a Dominant wants their submissive to be honest, they themselves should be honest.

I have often heard debates on whether or not Doms should apologize to their subs and/or talk to them about their errors.

I am a firm believer that it is the D type’s responsibility to own their error and make necessary modifications as needed. Now do they need to grovel or give a lengthy apology?- NO!

But they at least need to be willing to adjust things so the s type is safe and not put under potentially harmful physical and/or mental strain.

It’s human to have too high or unrealistic expectations. I am sure these things happen in nearly every power exchange relationship. And that’s totally okay. The essential thing for Doms is that you make healthier adjustments as needed. This requires you to be flexible, humble, and caring about your s type’s well-being to some degree.

In short, it’s important to know when to healthily/consensually push, and when to modify. Every situation is different, and a Dom’s task is often to balance challenge and adjustment.

It’s also important for a Dom to carefully observe not only the s type’s words and overt actions, but also their subtler mannerisms such as body language. You can often learn more about what the sub thinks and who they are by paying attention to these things. Doms who note these kinds of things will have more success in knowing when to push and when to pull back.

I have always heard mindfulness talked about from a sub’s and slave’s perspective, but mindfulness is greatly needed for everyone in any kind of dynamic.

Unhealthy implementation of dominance can create resentment, willful disobedience, and even dynamic dissolution. Healthy dominance can breed respect, trust, happiness, obedience, and a very strong foundation for any power exchange dynamic.

The D type wields all or most of the power in a relationship and/or scene. Because of this, it is up to them to set the tone and establish the path the dynamic will be on.

Of course, it is the responsibility of the s type to want to serve and to follow what the D type has prescribed. However, the D type is the leader and creates the overall ambiance of the exchange/relationship.

In closing, D types should be humble, logical, stable, understanding, intelligent, and in tune with their s types (this last point may vary based on whether one is talking about a scene, a power exchange relationship, or pick-up play. Nonetheless, the D type must be in tune with the s type to some degree. The D type cannot act as if the s type isn’t there and their boundaries don’t exist).

I hope this article has helped others gain a better understanding of D types’ responsibilities.

As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!

Click here for the sister article- Healthy Submission

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Techniques For Slave Training

May 7, 2018 By slave_bunny 5 Comments

Hello everyone! In my last article, I talked about the benefits of training and healthy ways to achieve a successful training outcome.

In this article, I would like to talk about specific training techniques.

The first technique I would like to talk about is Classical Conditioning. Classical conditioning involves a stimulus being trained to evoke a specific response from the s type. A well-known example of this type of conditioning would be Pavlov’s dog. If you are unfamiliar with this reference, I highly recommend googling it.

For this technique to work, the D type must work with the s type to pair a preferred response with a chosen stimulus/object/action. For example, my Master has trained me to say “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he places his hand on my cheek. This is used when my Master wants me to calm down and/or to reduce my anxiety.

As you can see from this example, classical conditioning can be used to shorten response times, can be used to help someone in the dynamic in a positive way, and can take the conscious thinking out of the equation for the s type. When my Master puts his hand on my cheek, I do not even have to think about my response. It just comes out at this point. It has been thoroughly ingrained in me.

This method can also be used to let the s type know they did something that displeases you. For example, the D type could train the s type to know that when the D type snaps their fingers that means the s type did something wrong and must go to the corner to wait for further instruction. Classical conditioning can also be used to get the s type wet and/or ready for sex or play. There is really no limit to what it can be used for. Essentially, it can be used as a way to speed up the response time for whatever response the D type wants the s type to exhibit.

However, even though the end result can speed up the desired response, training one to achieve the desired outcome does take time, work, and patience, just like any other training method and process.

There is no set time-frame as to when classical conditioning can/will occur. I can tell you it does take some time before the brain subconsciously pairs a stimulus with a specific response.

Any type of stimulus can be used as well- smells, tastes, sensations, actions, objects, etc. The possibilities really are endless. It just has to be something that the s type will recognize easily and without question.

The stimulus should also not be something the s type experiences in everyday life. The stimulus should be something that the D type has a considerable amount of control over. You want to be the only or nearly the only one that can give/gives the s type the stimulus. The more control you have over the stimulus and when it is given to the s type, the more effective classical conditioning will be.

Now I would like to talk about another method called Operant Conditioning. This is basically a punishment/reward system that one could use during training.

It’s a way for the D type to encourage and maintain desired behaviors and discourage unwanted behaviors.

If you want to maintain or increase a behavior one could use reinforcement. Positive reinforcement would be giving something pleasant or desired to the s type.

Negative reinforcement would be removing something aversive.

If you want to decrease a certain behavior one could use punishment. Positive punishment would be giving the s type something aversive/undesirable. Negative punishment would be removing something pleasant or desired.

For example, positive reinforcement would be giving an s type ice cream if they like ice cream. Negative reinforcement would be taking a way doing a chore if the s type does not like doing chores. Positive punishment would be giving an s type a chore. Negative punishment would be taking a way ice cream.

Please note, it is always important to be consistent, fair, and just when using punishment/reward as well as anything a D type does.

The punishment and reward must fit what occurred. It’s important for D types to reward and punish when they are calm and well-collected because heightened negative and positive emotions can skew the punishment and reward giving process. Also, punishments should never cross any hard limits or put the s type in any danger.

The next technique I would like to talk about is Extinction. This is essentially ignoring unwanted behaviors.This can be highly effective especially if the s type’s motive for doing something is getting attention. If the s type learns that by doing said behavior they are not going to get the reward they seek, chances are they are not going to exhibit said behavior as much, and may stop doing said behavior all together.

Modeling or showing an s type step by step how something should be done can also be beneficial. This can be very effective with kinesthetic learners if the D type shows a step and then expects the s type to copy them. Physical and verbal cues can help as well. There is nothing wrong with giving your s type cues, especially at the beginning of training. You can also correct the s type as you see fit throughout the training process. People forget things and sometimes people need small reminders here and there. S types are no different.There can be a difference between willful disobedience and needing a correction. Some D types do not punish for minor corrections as long as it wasn’t due to willful disobedience.

The last technique I would like to talk to is Differential Reinforcement. DR focuses on giving positive reinforcement for a decrease in the undesired behavior, substitution of a preferred behavior, an increase in behaviors that prevent the undesired behavior, and absence of the undesired behavior.

This method allows one to be rewarded for progress.It allows for a lot of encouragement as the s type is trying to reach the set goal.

There is so much more I could say about these topics. Training can be much more complex than I am making it seem in this article. I am just trying to provide a brief overview of these techniques with the hope that others will ask questions, and do their own research to further their understanding.

It takes a lot of various resources, time, flexibility, patience, trial/error, communication, attentiveness, and mindfulness to train another person. Adults have already been conditioned by their childhood and their past experiences. It is a huge undertaking for a D type/Master to condition an s type contrary to what the s type already is doing and exhibiting. However, it can be done. It might just take going back to the drawing board a few times and/or using multiple techniques simultaneously and/or throughout the training process.

It should be noted though that training SHOULD NEVER cross an s type’s hard limits or put them in harm’s way-physically, emotionally, or mentally. An s type’s own timing should be considered and they should not be asked to do something or train on something that would be unhealthy for them.Training can be challenging for the s type, but it has to be something that the s type can realistically and healthily take on and consents to taking on.

As always, feel free to ask questions and leave comments. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley Interview on The Truth About O

April 30, 2018 By slave_bunny 15 Comments

Slave Bunny: Can you tell us in your own words what the piece is about?

Ernest: What you’re seeing here is a segment of a new book I’m writing, working title, The Truth About O, that is a collection of both personal experiences with the individuals involved and recollections of those who were members of one of Europe’s actual existing societies of O. My contact there and a number of other people I spoke to subsequently confirmed that there are about 50 such societies of O scattered all over Europe. Many of them, most especially the one in France, have been there for a very long time. So, the actual lead here is that “Story of O” really is more fact than fiction and its practices live on today.

Slave Bunny: So, you’re saying these societies still exist today all over Europe?

Nina: Oh, yes. Very active.

Ernest: Extremely so.

Nina: They hold regular soirees.

Slave Bunny: Can you tell us more about the O’s?

Ernest: Those who identify as O’s don’t consider themselves slaves by our definition and standards.They have their own, what they call “The Philosophy,” as described in the original “Story of O.” The emphasis is on constant sexual availability. The initiation of a new O and the events leading up to it are considered fairly typical for these groups. One of the most startling things about reading this material was how different what they think of as normal is from what we think of as normal when it comes to BDSM.

Ernest : The excerpt that you have is translated virtually untouched from the German original. Sabrina turned out to be an extraordinary writer. Her accounts required very little editing. What you have is first-person testimony from somebody who has great credibility and was actually present at the events she describes.

Nina: She had to go through the ritual herself. Every woman did who became an O. The initiation of Cora stands in for the initiation of every woman who becomes an O. Later on we see how they’re trained for the occasion.

Slave Bunny: Did the O’s live at “The Castle” full time? I know Cora had a husband. Is it specific to whatever is negotiated?

Ernest: As I understand it, there are a few who do more or less live in the luxurious quarters maintained by these groups, but most of them don’t. The majority attends parties and has sessions with men who they regard as their Owners, but lead otherwise conventional lives. Often they are married, as was Cora, to somebody else who has no idea that they have this life. Europe is one of those places where you can still have a secret life.

Ernest: These are all people of a class that are privileged in ways Americans would find hard to imagine. For instance, I’m quite certain the authorities are aware of the existence of these groups and who’s in them, but wouldn’t dream of interfering in any way precisely because of who’s in them. It seems that most of the men are wealthy and well connected. Some of them are politicians. Some of them are financiers.

Nina: Some of them are captains of industry.

Ernest : Big shots of one kind or another. The women are pretty much of the same class.

Nina: What’s also fascinating is that unlike American BDSM, where there’s often a romantic component between the submissive partner and the dominant partner, in these societies, it is discouraged to be in love with your Owner.

Ernest: Or even to get seriously involved with anyone else who’s there.

Nina: And the women are not encouraged to make friendships. The other women’s problems are strictly their own problems.

Ernest: There’s also a competitive aspect to life at court. There are some distinct advantages that women who are willing to sign on for this program enjoy because these wealthy, well-connected men, in part, give something in return for what they get in terms of helping these women with their careers and introducing them to places where they might be able to work things to their advantage. It is a sort of sexual feudalism under which the women agree to obey and endure and service whatever desires these gentlemen may have.

Nina: And enjoy it. They are supposed to enjoy it. An O is a kind of masochistic courtesan or geisha who needs to bring a certain passion and creativity to keep the Masters entertained and interested. Safe to say that, aside from a little play among the girls, it’s a totally hetero-normative dynamic that harks back to an earlier era. Europe has a public BDSM scene not much different from our own, but it’s mainly for young people and doesn’t overlap with the O crowd.

Ernest: Most of the women seem to take pleasure in the game because so many of them have been involved in it for a very long time. In return for what they surrender their men are obligated in that feudal way to see to their welfare, to protect them and to take care of them in any way they can be helpful to them. This arrangement is pretty religiously observed on both sides. It’s a serious matter for either side to fail to perform on the expected feudal arrangement. Guys can get kicked out. Women can get kicked out. Anyone can get kicked out. Also, the O’s have a safeword that they were given when they were initiated. However, they can only use it once. If they do, they’re expelled from the society. But what kind of safeword is that really? Is that consent as we understand it?

Slave Bunny: No.

Ernest: Contrary to what Americans may believe, Sabrina states in her description (and all other women whom we corresponded with agreed) that they were there by consent, that they could leave any time, and that they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to be. So, it’s a sort of blanket consent until withdrawn. Once withdrawn, it’s withdrawn permanently.

Nina: One hundred percent. Instantly. Your clothes are put on. You’re put in the car. You leave and that’s it.

Ernest: And you can never come back nor will you be welcome in any of the other O societies.

Nina: It’s their version of consent, which differs greatly with how Americans conceive of consent.

Ernest: These are very exclusive groups. You can only join by invitation and they only take in members of their own class. Alexander, in the book, describes what’s required for either a man or a woman to become a member of any of these groups. It’s a fairly rigorous process. They have multiple meetings with prospects and then there’s a board that votes, like a country club, whether or not you and/or your partner will be welcomed.

Ernest: And if so, you can look forward to spending a lot of money. One way in which potential members are admitted is on the basis of whether they can afford it. The last figures that were quoted to us from Alexander were something along the lines of 15,000 Euro to get in and another 5,000 Euro a year to stay in plus any expenses accumulated if you want to say, throw a party for yourself or have some kind of an event or a session. That’s all ala carte. It’s not unusual for men who are eager participants in these things to spend 100,000 Euro a year on their “hobby.”

Slave Bunny: It’s like a BDSM fraternity or sorority almost.

Nina: Yes, exactly.

Slave Bunny: Was this society supposed to be kept very secret and under the radar?

Ernest: Absolutely. Again, I’m quite certain that the local authorities in all of these locations were and are very much aware of the existence of these groups and their activities. They’ve also always been aware that these groups are managed by and for a class still more or less untouchable in that part of the world.

Ernest: These guys seem to have some understanding of where the edge is that you don’t go over. They go right to that edge, but don’t go where you really would get in trouble. But they do some things that are pretty daring.

Slave Bunny: Like what?

Ernest: Paradoxically, they seem to love doing things in public places. When they take their O’s out in public, they’re basically dressed in almost nothing.

Nina: They’re barely legal. No underwear.

Ernest: Everything transparent. And when they go to a restaurant for dinner, they play games requiring the women to unbutton their blouses and lean over when the waiter comes and other stuff of that kind. In The League they liked to send one of the O’s into the men’s restroom in a nice restaurant with orders to strip naked and give a blowjob to the first man who knocks on the door of the stall, no matter who he is. This became a great favorite.

Ernest: They all got a kick out of it. The men would choose someone from the restaurant. Generally someone they either knew personally or was a friend of a friend they were having dinner with and say, “By the way, when you go to the restroom, check out the last stall. You’ll get a big surprise.”

Nina: When I visited Alexander in London I intended to try that out. I dressed for the occasion just as he’d instructed by email, which is to say in as little as possible. But after dinner we ended up in his hotel room having fun of our own. I don’t know if that makes me a good O or a bad one, but we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Alexander is quite charming and we both had a great time, but it’s a lot different being an O for a day and living “The Philosophy”.

Ernest: And not all their games were so benign and playful. There also is a reference in the excerpt about organized hunts. There were women in these groups who had done three or four hunts and lost them all. They had to assume after the second or third loss that they were never going to win.

Slave Bunny: But they liked it so they kept up with it.

Nina: Exactly.

Ernest: These people’s idea of fun is a little rougher than ours.

Slave Bunny: Could you further explain these hunts that are mentioned in the excerpt?

Ernest: Sure. A society holds a hunt in the woods of Romania where one of the O’s is turned loose naked in the forest. This is not a thing that can be required. The O has to volunteer for it.

Nina: And whomever has volunteered for the hunt gets a map and a head start and nothing else.

Ernest: If she makes it to a safe zone where there’s a vehicle waiting for her, she gets 10,000 Euro, which actually isn’t a whole lot of money for most of these women. I don’t think that was really the main motivation. That’s just the prize if she manages to elude the entire male compliment of that organization hunting her in the forest.

Ernest: If the hunters get to her before she reaches her safe zone they have her for 24 hours to do anything they want with her. We’ve seen photographs of some of the losing contestants that would be pretty shocking even to those familiar with edge play and CNC.

Nina: Everything is permitted short of permanent damage.

Ernest: I would consider O’s in general more on the masochistic scale than submissive. Though their sexual services can be commanded at any time and there are elaborate rules concerning dress and deportment, their attitudes and responses are expected to be spontaneous and authentic.

Nina: They can talk back. They can be cheeky. They have to comply with most physical demands, but they tend to have strong personalities and their own opinions on things. They risk punishment for insubordination, but from all the punishment that goes on I infer that insubordination is pretty common.

Slave Bunny: So, the Owners didn’t try to train them into somebody else or strip them of who they were as long as they were performing their services?

Ernest: Right.

Slave Bunny: What do you feel, I know you touched on it a little bit earlier when you were talking about sexual feudalism, is the main allure for women wanting to join these societies?

Nina: For some of the women it was boredom.

Ernest: There was a measure of adventurism in this also.

Nina: And there’s that masochism thing. In the novel, the whole idea of physical pleasure from extreme sensations was dismissed. But every one of the women we came to know got wet at the thought of a whipping. And I definitely related to the protected exhibitionism thing. That’s another aspect of class privilege. Alexander put me on display in that London restaurant that would have gotten me arrested here. This definitely put me in the mood for what happened upstairs after dinner.

Ernest: O’s overall seem pretty ambitious and daring. The word they use most frequently for the ordeals they’re put through is “challenges.” And connections of the men certainly further the ambitions of the women both in the groups and in the outside world.

Ernest: To be fair, there are also genuinely committed Master/slave couples admitted as well. For some of them it’s a combination of role-play and a kinky form of swinging. Others take “The Philosophy” very seriously.

Nina: They have piercings, tattoos and fresh marks to show off at any time or place. I found it very unusual that women who were mostly conventionally attractive didn’t mind having a few lasting scars as trophies of their wild good times.

Ernest: There were couples in these groups and then there were others who were genuinely emotionally attached and others who were couples of convenience.

Slave Bunny: What do you find most fascinating about all of this?

Ernest: It’s really an extraordinary story for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is that it establishes a lineage for the O narrative that precedes the actual book. It’s also a visit to an alternate universe familiar in many ways but crucially different in others.

Slave Bunny: Around what year did the events in the book take place?

Nina: Well past 2000, certainly.

Ernest: All events in our book happened in the last 15 years. However, returning to the key things here, what we see now quite clearly is that Pauline Reage’s book was based on something real. The societies existed long before her writing. My best guess is at least a century, based on the fact that Sir Franklin, who was the head of the group and in his sixties at the time of the events in The Truth About O, was the son of a Master and an O. So, going back even one generation puts the existence of The League in the late 19th century. My best guess is that various “libertinage societies” such as The Hellfire Club go back to the 18th Century. The fact that Story of O describes something that actually exists and has for so long, despite the author’s insistence that she wrote pure fiction, is the most startling revelation in the book.

Slave Bunny: One final question, what do you feel is the biggest benefit of people knowing about all this and how do you feel it could/will change the way we think about power exchange? In short, what can we learn from this?

Ernest: Well, for a start, it turns the romanticized notions about Reage’s novel, which has been a template for many M/s relationships, pretty much on their heads. And it’s a useful reminder that the world of online BDSM is not the only venue in which BDSM exists. Lately, I have observed the community here to become increasingly ideological and doctrinaire, and there seems to have been a loss of connection with its fundamental roots in human desire. It’s become a kind of a social activity. One thing we might learn from them is an acceptance of why we do what we do. There’s a lot of talk in the community about “non-sexual BDSM” I find somewhat suspect. The O societies recognize the central importance of sex, particularly group sex, as the motivating force behind everything they do. There isn’t much emphasis on sophisticated BDSM technique or sensation play. It’s pretty much all about whipping and sexual servitude. I don’t propose this as a universal dynamic, but when people use words like “primal” to describe their dynamics I think it would be useful for them to see what “primal” looks like from a more ancient point of view.

Slave Bunny: Do you have anything to add, Nina?

Nina: We can learn that we know less than we think we do by exploring the differences between the American style of play and the European style, partly due to the different ages of our cultures. European culture is 2000 years old and American culture is barely 400 years old. We’re very new and young. We haven’t worked through our Puritanism yet and we haven’t worked through our conflict over desire and power. In Europe, I think they’ve made their peace with it and it has a place. We haven’t made our peace with it, and there is no place.

Ernest: My final comment would be to ask people to try and read this without judgment. It’s not only the O’s who are tested by the rigors of their commitments. Without giving away any spoilers I can say that something unexpected and quite dire befalls and these men rise to the occasion like Knights of the Round Table. They prove beyond a doubt that perverts can be heroes. I would say if there’s one thing that this book proves at the very end, it’s that good guys too wear black.

About Ernest and Nina:

Ernest Greene is the author of the well-renowned novel for Daedalus Publishing, Master of O, reinventing the BDSM classic Story of O set in modern Los Angeles and told from the master’s point of view. His previous work includes co-authoring Coming Attractions, the Making of an X-Rated Video with Dr. Robert Stoller (Yale University Press, 1989) and shared credit with his spouse, Nina Hartley on Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex (2006), from Avery Press, a division of USA Penguin Group.

Greene is a longtime member of the Los Angeles BDSM community, joining Threshold when it was still an affiliate of The Society of Janus. He served six terms as Threshold coordinator between 1989 and 1995. He continued to do orientations for new members thereafter and participated in numerous outreaches to academic groups.

Since 1985, Greene has concentrated his efforts mainly in adult entertainment and adult sex education, serving as Executive Editor of the best-selling fetish magazine Hustler’s Taboo since 1999 and most recently as Chief Associate Editor for Hustler’s All-Sex issues.

Ernest Greene, has participated in the production of adult video for three decades as a performer, writer, director and producer. His body of work comprises over five hundred titles, including AVN award winners Strictly for Pleasure, Mask of Innocence, Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Jenna Loves Pain. With his wife, Nina Hartley, he has served as producer and director of the Nina Hartley’s Guide series of adult sex education programs for video market leader Adam&Eve Pictures. The series has sold over three quarters of a million videos to date and now comprises forty titles. His own erotic features for Adam&Eve, O – The Power of Submission, Surrender of O and The Truth About O have thus far seen sales nearing 100,000 units, making them among the biggest selling X-rated feature titles in recent years.

Greene is particularly well known for his groundbreaking approach to the presentation of unconventional sexuality related to consensual domination and submission. He has been active in the BDSM community for nearly thirty years, conducting workshops and seminars and serving as an officer of community groups. He is a retired six-term coordinator of Threshold, Southern California’s oldest active pansexual BDSM organization. His activism also extends to the world of adult video production, where he held the position of chairman of the board of directors of The Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM) for seven years and to his commentaries on the adult industry Blog for Pro-Porn Activism.

Nina Hartley is a pioneering feminist sex worker, using her body in the service of promoting a sexually sane and literate society. She is thrilled to see a new generation of sex-positive performer/activists take its space and spread the good news about sex. Active as a performer since 1982, her rock-solid commitment to the importance of sexual autonomy has fueled Ms. Hartley’s career in adult entertainment. As a performer, director, writer, educator, public speaker, and feminist thinker for all, no matter their orientation, she’s traveled the world to deliver her message. She believes that sexual freedom is a fundamental human right and welcomes the new social media opportunities for spreading her message of knowledge and empowerment to the widest number of people. She’s the author of, “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex,” from Avery Press. Putting to use her B.S. degree in nursing, she and her husband, Ernest Greene, have produced the million-selling sex-ed video series collectively known as “The Nina Hartley Guides,” from Adam & Eve, currently in its 38th episode. Still active in front of the camera, she and her husband live in Los Angeles.

Ernest’s Website: masterofo.com

Be sure to check out an excerpt from their Erotic Non-Fiction novel titled The Initiation of Cora.

Click here to read Part 1.

Slave Training

April 9, 2018 By slave_bunny 7 Comments

No one becomes skilled at something without hard work and training. This goes for those in the Vanilla and Kink Community.

The main difference between Kink and Vanilla training is that when done correctly Kink training is clearly defined, has a set goal (usually given by the D type), and is tracked throughout the training process. Training usually occurs for the betterment of the s type, the dynamic, and/or to ensure the D type’s comfort/satisfaction.

Also, in the Kink Community, s types who go into training give consent to be trained. Once consent is given, the D type is able to begin the training process that he/she feels will yield the best results.

In the vanilla community, this is very rarely the case. In the vanilla community (unless for a job/company) training is usually more subtle, is driven by the individual doing the training, and is not “required” to exist in a vanilla relationship.

To me, this is why many vanilla individuals remain much more stagnant than many kink individuals (simply due to the fact that no one is requiring them to train themselves). Slave or kink training is driven by another person who holds you accountable. Just like having a personal trainer, teacher, boss, which is why it is more effective.

Just to be clear, slave training is not about someone barking orders at you or trying to change you entirely. It’s about trying to make you into your best self and/or help you achieve the relationship that you consented to.

Training requires D types to understand that progress takes time. D types during training should be firm, but fair, just, and understanding. Encouragement and praise should be given when appropriate.

I feel it is important for the s type to understand the value of the skill he/ she is training on (this requires the D type explaining the benefit of the skill/training), and have some idea of the training plan the D type is going to implement. I do not feel it is beneficial for s types to be left entirely in the dark. Can D types choose to leave some things out? Sure! However, I think some kind of conversation should take place.

It could be beneficial to have “sacred space” every week at a certain and for a certain duration of time where the s type can ask questions, and the D and s type can check in with one another and discuss how training is going. The more clarity brought to the training process from all perspectives, the more effective the training will be. The clearer you are with your expectations, the more success the s type is likely to have throughout training as well.

D types also need to be consistent throughout training, and follow through with what they say they are going to do. Bluffing and/or empty threats are never conducive for long term results.

Also, as I mentioned previously, tracking progress throughout the training process is beneficial as well. It might be helpful to track progress of a target behavior before the training process has even begun, in order to give your s type objective data as to why said behavior needs to be modified via training. The more information the D type can gather, the more informed he/she will be, which will enable the D type to better determine where they should lead the s type next.

Trust is also paramount for training to be most effective. This requires the s type feeling like the D type will not cross any hard limits/ will keep them safe, is honest with the s type, is consistent, is reliable, has a clear vision throughout training, is intelligent, etc.

Training can also be very bonding and bring those in a dynamic closer together. Training itself reinforces the dynamic as well. When implemented healthily and correctly, it can really get one that much closer to the dynamic one envisions.

Since training calls for all parties to be attentive, hard working, and to hold themselves accountable (D types to not only hold themselves accountable,but to hold their s types accountable too), it can help show your partner(s) how much you care about the relationship. It can also provide a way for the s type to show their dedication and commitment to wanting to please/serve their D type.

I hope this has given everyone some important things to think about concerning training. Next week I will go into specific methods of training.

As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She will be teaching all over the Los Angeles area this year and will also be presenting two workshops at the BDSM Writers Con in Seattle and New York.

Fetlife – Slave_Bunny992

My Experience at The BDSM Writers Con

April 3, 2018 By slave_bunny 6 Comments

I had the privilege of attending and teaching at the Seattle BDSM Writers Con this year. It was such an amazing experience! Never had I been around so many individuals that wanted to learn and grow.

BDSM Writers Con approaches the education on dominance and submission from the very unique perspective of writers and readers. It allows for creativity to flourish while educating individuals about what the BDSM lifestyle truly entails. The con’s workshops help to eradicate false stereotypes and stigmas with the hope of BDSM writers putting more truth in their writing, instead of the perpetuated false fantasies everyone knows too well.

I truly feel that approaching the BDSM community from a creative perspective helps people to slowly find their footing in the ever- so-vast Kink Community. This approach allows attendees to gradually acclimate themselves to the lifestyle.

Dr. Charley, the founder of the con, is so helpful as well. She has such an intelligent, compassionate, and energetic demeanor. Throughout the entire con, she was available to answer any questions and was there for anyone who needed her. She fully sympathized with all attendees and wanted to make sure everyone felt heard and answered. She was very thorough in all her presentations as well, and provided a truly intimate environment (which helped all attendees to feel at home). In short, she made people feel comfortable to ask questions and get out of their comfort zones (which is essential for learning to begin).

The classes and demos were also incredible. I specifically loved the Leather Etiquette Class and The Switches Class. All the presenters were very knowledgeable as well and provided classes from many different perspectives.

When I was teaching, all attendees seemed very engaged and everyone asked great questions. It was a very humbling experience for me, and I learned a lot from attending the con as well.

Also, Dr. Charley goes out of her way to keep the group together even outside of the official con hours. She invited us to cocktail hours, dinner, etc. This provided another way for the group to become comfortable with one another, learn from one another, and form friendships. The closer the attendees got, the more fulfilling the overall experience of the con became.

The featured authors were wonderful as well, and I so look forward to attending/teaching at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City in August!

In closing, i would like to share Dr. Charley’s own words about the con:

“One of the things Dr. Charley is most proud of is that we are the ONLY conference in the world dedicated to authors and readers of dominance and submission. Providing them with world-class instruction on the various aspects of the lifestyle. Our curriculum is structured to allow participants to gradually discover the lifestyle regardless of whether they are just starting out or have experience. Best of all, participants discover various aspects alongside their favorite (or soon to be favorite) authors. All in a safe intimate environment. BDSM Writers Con is a wonderful first-step into the world of dominance and submission for readers and a must-attend for authors writing in this genre.”

I hope to see you all at the next BDSM Writers Con! It is truly a not-to-miss experience! Please feel free to click the below link to find out more.

http://www.bdsmwriterscon.com

As always please feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

M/s and Love

March 19, 2018 By slave_bunny 7 Comments

There have been huge debates within the community about whether love belongs with M/s relationships and/or whether love promotes health and happiness within the M/s dynamic.

In my opinion, no matter what kind of dynamic and/or relationship you have there should be some kind of love there. To me, love is the reason that we voluntarily do anything. With this being said, there are a lot of different kinds of love one could have within their dynamics, not just romantic/sexual love.

There are four main types of love that I have learned over the years (mostly taught to me by Robert Rubel in his Master/slave Mastery-Advanced Refining the fire-Ideas that matter book).

Agape– known as “spiritual love.” This type of love typically refers to unconditional love. This is usually voluntary or “a choice to love.” This type of love is mostly concerned with a mental kind of love or love of one’s intelligence. Rubel describes it as “one’s love of the spirit within another person.”
Eros– known as romantic love. This type of love can be referred to as lust. Rubel says that this type of love is “pure emotion without the balance of logic.” This type of love can be fleeting.
Phila– known as “friendship love.” Rubel states that “this form of love includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity.”
Storge– the kind of love experienced by parents for their offspring. A parental/familial love.

I truly feel that not only do you need some kind of love to make a healthy M/s dynamic, but all parties involved need to be able to receive the kind of love they need. For example, if a slave has Eros for their Master, and they need to receive that kind of love back, and their Master only has friendship love for them, then both parties will be expecting/wanting a certain type of behavior/relationship structure that will be hard to obtain for the long term since these two people’s needs/expectations contradict one another. One could bend to their partner’s needs and negate their own needs, but in my opinion, M/s is most successful when all parties’ needs are being met by one dynamic structure consistently.

On a further note, some kind of love is very important for a dynamic because it promotes some kind of care and devotion which is so needed for M/s to thrive. It is also possible to have multiple kinds of love in one dynamic. Again, as long as they are the combo involves all needs being met.

Love can often be determined by one’s wants/needs. Someone may want a slave that is only a friend because they feel that they as a Master cannot govern the slave appropriately if love is involved. Another Master may want to have solely Storge to create a Big/little dynamic. Another Master may only want Eros so he/she can solely have a slave that they consensually use for play or sex. Eros or agape might be off the table because of the Master’s or slave’s unwillingness to be intimate or completely vulnerable with another person (which sex and/or unconditional love often requires).

I think it’s important to talk about wants and needs before you begin a dynamic, to make sure that everyone’s needs will be met by the dynamic. Expectations and love that one feels/can offer/wants should be made clear in this conversation too. After it is made known that everyone is on the same page and everyone’s needs can be healthily met, then the dynamic can continue developing their specific structure that fits with their wants, needs, and type of love.

I also want to make it clear that one person does not have to meet all your needs in M/s. One person could, but they do not have to. All that truly matters is that you are on the same page when it comes to the kind of love you need to or want to receive from your partner, and your partner is genuinely willing to give you the kind of love you require.

For example a Master could have a slave that they have Phila for, while they have another slave that they have Eros for. Different people can satisfy different needs of the same individual simultaneously. Most people crave both friendship and passion, so there’s no harm in splitting those needs between multiple people as long as it is consensual for all involved.

On a further note, it is possible to have a slave that requires Eros, and a Master that requires Phila, but both are willing to give the kind of love that their partner needs. This is a probable scenario, but I am under the impression that it is best if all parties involved experience the same kind of love or combo of love for the other. In my opinion, this will make the dynamic more genuine and healthy long term in regards to needs being met.

By stating all of these examples, I am merely presenting all various scenarios that could happen regarding love and needs. In my opinion some are better choices than others as I have outlined above.

I truly feel that M/s without some kind of love would feel hollow and void of something. Even if you have a service slave I think the Master still needs to care for them to some degree. M/s is centered around communication, hard work, and transparency. It would be really hard to have these things if you can’t stand the person you are in an M/s dynamic with.

No matter what kind of M/s relationship you have, it’s got to excite you to some degree, there has to be some kind of glue that binds you and keeps you coming back, or why do it? And that glue, at least to me, is some kind of love.

I hope this article has helped you to further strengthen your M/s dynamic(s). Talking about wants and needs is so paramount, and I hope this article presented another facet of needs that can be talked about with your partners. As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Sinister Insight Night’s Power Exchange Panel

March 12, 2018 By slave_bunny 6 Comments

I was privileged enough to have the opportunity to present a panel at Lair on power exchange last Friday. The panel had such an amazing turn out, and I was so honored that so many experienced and well-respected individuals within the community agreed to be on the panel with me.

This was my first time presenting a panel, so I honestly had no idea how it was going to go. When I teach, I can prepare exactly what I want to say and in what order, but I know that with a panel one has less power over that.

This can be a good or bad thing depending on the panelists. In this case, it was a very good thing. Because the panel was structured as an organic discussion, many topics were talked about that I would have not thought to bring up otherwise.

We talked about everything from negotiation to communication to punishment/discipline to protocols to rituals to vetting to the benefits of power exchange to the do’s/don’t for s types and D types and so much more. It was so amazing to hear everyone’s different perspectives on various topics and I am so grateful to have the amount of audience participation that we had. For the entire two hour panel the audience continued to ask intriguing questions and after the panel was over many people came up to us and continued to ask questions. The yearning to learn permeated throughout the room and truly kept the panel going.

What I loved most about the panel was that even if panelists disagreed with one another they were very polite about it and still accepted the other person’s view. No one treated the panel like a competition and everyone’s ego seemed to be checked at the door. Because of this we were able to really have a genuine discussion of power exchange and were able to promote a safe and positive environment for everyone that attended.

I just loved the overall acceptance and honesty I experienced from the audience and my fellow panelists. This is what made the experience so amazing. Because so many different perspectives were able to be presented the amount of learning that occurred was off the charts.

No one dominated the conversation either and there was so much respect from every person in the room.

I felt that others were just as grateful as I was to be there which made it even more fulfilling. How often can people have an open discussion for two hours about power exchange with so many different people’s insights and experiences?

I am sure there are a lot of people that talk about power exchange quite often, myself included, but I have never had the privilege of discussing it with so many people and with so many different people. These are the keys to learning- being open, accepting, and willing to listen to different perspectives. In my opinion, these are the main ways people grow and expand their own horizons and the horizon’s of their dynamics.

Again, I can’t thank Kasod, Lair for our being wonderful host, my fellow panelists, and all who attended enough. This was one of my favorite memories I have had within the community.

If anyone wants to keep the conversation going about the panel, please feel free to comment below, or Fetlife me.

I am also proud to announce that I will be presenting another panel at Lair later in the year. When the date is set, I will definitely post the event page on my Fet.

Have a great week everyone! As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!

Speakers/Panelists:

Birdy – https://fetlife.com/users/2341651

Jenn – https://fetlife.com/users/811117

akinkshrink.com

Disunito – https://fetlife.com/users/240430

Master Anthony – https://fetlife.com/users/499361

slave Robin – https://fetlife.com/users/1004295

Kasod- contact for Sinister Insight Night – https://fetlife.com/users/442690

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

The Recipe for Imparted Presence

March 5, 2018 By slave_bunny 4 Comments

Hi everyone! I am writing this article to educate readers about one of the most essential things needed (in my opinion) to have a long-term 24/7 power exchange relationship.

A lot of people believe that M/s relationships are about micro-management leading to macro-management. What I mean by this is that at the beginning of a dynamic and/or during training phrases, the slave may have to be more micromanaged, given more direction, told step by step what to do/what is expected of them, the Master may have to check every detail/step to make sure things are done correctly, etc.

There is nothing wrong with this, and if a dynamic wanted to keep being micro-managed that is completely okay (as long as the dynamic is not based on fear or distrust). Please note, power exchange dynamics should never be based on fear or distrust. Power exchange dynamics should promote a sense of safety and trust for all involved, and these two things should flourish as time goes on. If this is not happening, and someone is repeatedly distrusting of their partner, then some changes should be made to remedy these things.

Some s types do not wish to stay micro-managed forever, and some D types do not wish to micromanage long term either. Some D types hope to equip their s types with enough skills, training, knowledge, etc (over time) to carry out their will effortlessly without having to give them specific step by step instructions for every single order or task. I am in NO WAY saying that D types shouldn’t take an active role or check in with their s types. They ALWAYS should. What I am saying is that some D types (after proper training has been done) expect that they can trust their s type to accomplish what they asked and in the manner they want said task done without so much supervision and oversight.

It’s kind of a like a parent who raises a child and as the child grows and proves they are becoming more competent, their parent tries to oversee them less because the parent trusts they will follow the parent’s rules and will live up to the parent’s expectations.

Power exchange relationships can be very similar in this regard. It really comes down to how much trust has been built in a power exchange dynamic for the D type to lessen their oversight.

One way for trust to grow within the D type for the s type is imparted presence. Imparted presence happens when the s type has been adequately trained, has developed trust for their D type, when they know their D type really well- the D type’s wants, needs, preferences, expectations,etc., when they know how the D type would go about doing something, when they know how the D type expects the s type to behave in many different settings, when they know how the D type handles most situations/wants them to handle most situations etc. After these things have been accomplished and clearly communicated, the s type can then begin to develop imparted presence. In short, this type of presence requires the s type essentially having the D type “in their head” even when the D type isn’t around. When this occurs, the s type is able to behave how their D type wishes (whether the D type is around or not) without a direct order from their D type and without the D type governing the s type’s behavior directly.

Essentially, the s type has been so well trained that the D type is now “a part of” the s type and their decision making process.The s type and D type have become one to some degree and the s type feels he/she is connected to their D type mentally.

Many people feel that M/s is all about the s type and D type becoming one and some put a lot of emphasis on acquiring imparted presence.

However, imparted presence can be a goal for any kind of dynamic.

I can tell you from personal experience that having imparted presence has made my Master’s and my life a lot easier. Imparted presence has allowed my Master to have more faith in me as his slave and also allows him to spend less time overseeing things. After years of being together, there are plenty of things that he used to have to heavily supervise that now he just knows I can do and occasionally checks in with to make sure things are still going smoothly.

This being said there are still a lot of new things that come up as life changes that I have to be trained on that I do not have imparted presence with yet. And that’s completely okay. There are always going to be new things that need to be implemented and trained. That’s a fact of life.

What I am trying to say is that just because at a particular time a sub has imparted presence on all protocols, doesn’t mean that they always will. In my opinion, a healthy relationship requires constant modification and implementing new things as times change.

Also, on a further note, imparted presence takes time, patience, adequate training, and a lot of work for all involved. It comes from having a very solid foundation, and being able to communicate clearly and effectively.

These things are the true recipe for imparted presence.

In short,

Imparted Presence = Effective/Communication Regarding Expectations, Protocols, Etc.

Adequate Training

Patience

Time

Solid Foundation

S Type Being Committed to Following Their D Type’s Will

If all of these things are done properly, it would be very easy for any s type to achieve imparted presence if that is one of the goals of their dynamic.

Again, it does not have to be, and a dynamic can exist very well without it. I am merely providing one possible goal for any dynamic that wishes to have less supervision as times goes on.

As always, please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Big/little Dynamics

February 27, 2018 By slave_bunny 16 Comments

big little cute woman with pigtails and teddy bear — via stock.adobe.com

The Big/little dynamic involves one partner (the D-type) taking on the parental role, and the s-type taking on the role of someone younger than they actually are (the little). Littles have a wide age range (infant-adolescent). It is also possible for a little to change ages within a dynamic or from partner to partner.

These dynamics can be polyamorous or monogamous, and can involve any gender or sexual orientation as well. There are many different labels for Big/little dynamics. A couple of the best known are Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) and Daddy Dom/ babygirl (DD/bg).

However, you can of course be a female D type in this kind of dynamic (the female D type would usually be called some rendition of Mommy). It is also completely possible to have a Mommy/little girl dynamic and/or a Daddy/ little boy dynamic. As one can see, D types that engage in this kind of power exchange usually have some type of parental name attached to their title.
Many people think that Big/little dynamics are solely about ageplay. I am writing this article to show readers that while ageplay is often a component of these types of relational dynamics, it doesn’t have to be.

On a further note, not all ageplayers are submissives or littles either. Ageplay is a form of roleplay where individuals act as if they are a different age than they actually are. They
could be acting older or younger.

Littles that ageplay will often take on the role of their little persona through clothes, speech, activities, mannerisms etc. Despite ageplay often being coupled with Big/little power exchange, the Big/little dynamic can survive very well
without any sort of ageplay.

Non-ageplayers in this kind of dynamic still have a clear parental role (the D type) and a clear little role (the s type). They are heavily based on TLC, nurturing, and guidance. Protocols and rituals may echo these core values of the dynamic as well.

Non-age playing littles may also engage in “child-like” activities such as coloring or playing games, but would still act as if they are the age they actually are. They would appear like an adult engaging in child-like activities. Whereas an ageplaying little would look like an adult acting like a child engaging in child-like activities.

In all Big/little dynamics, the s type may look up to the D type as a role model and/or guiding force in their life. The D type may take an active role (much like a parent) in helping to relieve their little’s stress and help them through daily obstacles.

Furthermore, in both types of this kind of dynamic, the D type is taking on the role of the nurturer and seeing through the eyes of a parent, so to speak, and the s type is feeding the inner child, and receiving a lot of love and support.

It just comes down to what is the best way for those in the dynamic to accomplish these things. Does age play work better or does non-ageplay?
I also want to make it clear that one can totally have a Big/little dynamic 24/7 where they sometimes engage in ageplay and other times they don’t. It is also possible to have an age-playing dynamic 24/7 as well as a non-ageplaying dynamic 24/7. However, if one wants to engage in ageplay, I think a more realistic approach would be to ageplay when appropriate and have a non-ageplaying dynamic the rest of the time (if you are in a Big/little dynamic 24/7).

There might be times when your s type may have to or want to act their age such as at work, around family, etc. But to each his own. You can ageplay solely during a scene as well, and/or non-ageplay in a scene and/or mix and match the two. The possibilities are endless and you ALWAYS want find what works best for all involved.

I am merely providing a lesser known option on how to formulate a Big/little dynamic. Some people don’t like to roleplay, but still need that TLC of a parental figure or need to take on a parental role or need to release their inner child. Non-ageplay is another way to accomplish these things.

I hope this was helpful to anyone interested in learning more about Big/little relationships. As always feel free to ask questions and leave comments.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

Funishments vs. Discipline

February 19, 2018 By slave_bunny 8 Comments

Funishments, to me, are essentially disciplinary actions used in a kinky way during play or a scene such as spanking or flogging. It is always consensual and should never cross any hard limits.

Discipline involves a disciplinary action that is used to discipline the s type for some kind of infraction. It is also consensual and should never cross any hard limits.

Even though funishments and discipline can use the same actions, the actions should be presented in a different fashion. There are things that work well for funishments that do not work well for discipline and vice versus.

When engaging in funishments, there can be sex or play involved. It can have a light, playful tone. It is best if it occurs when no real infraction has been done. It can be great in roleplay as well.

Disclpline

Discipline serves a practical purpose of righting the wrong of the s type and making them pay for what they have done. There is no kinky tone, and should not involve sex or play.

Discipline is best when it occurs in real life without role play. The infraction should fully be talked about with the s type before any disciplinary action is administered. It should not turn the s type or D type on. It should solely reinforce the wrongness of the infraction and help to reduce the offense from occurring in the future.

It can be hard to differentiate funishments and discipline within a dynamic. I suggest having an implement used solely for discipline that your s type does not like very much (but does not cross any hard limits), and another implement used for funishments that your s type enjoys and/or does not have an adverse reaction to. There can be multiple instruments used for funishments as well as discipline. Bottom line, funishment instruments can/should turn the s type on and the discipline ones should not. This is very important to remember.

I would also suggest having some kind of discipline protocol put in place and rules surrounding the discipline.

For example, when I do something that requires discipline and/or punishment, my Master will instruct me to go to the right corner of the room. Once I am in the corner, I must get into punishment position (look up Gorean slave positions for reference). I then must wait for my Master to meet in the corner. He will usually instruct me to get into kneel position once he is there. I must keep eye contact with him. Once our eyes meet, He will ask me what I did wrong, and we will talk about it.

The conversation will continue until he feels I understand why what I did was wrong, and he has said everything he needs to say to me. He then will either tell me to meet him on the bed or the couch and get over his knee for a spanking, give me some other kind of punishment (chore, essay, missing out on a desired activity, etc), or tell me when he will have the punishment ready for me by.

It is in our contract that he has 24 hours to assign me a punishment. He will also give me a deadline if the punishment calls for it. After completion of every punishment or discipline, I must thank my Master.

I love this protocol. I am so grateful that he takes the time to discipline and/or punish me. Doing these things ensures our relationship stays as resentment- free as possible; I become a better slave from these things as well.

It is also in our contract that I am not allowed to bellyache about any discipline or punishment (or the negative consequence worsens). I also must complete the punishment by the given deadline or the negative consequence worsens.

Many of my Master’s punishments provide me a chance to further think about what I have done. This helps the offense not occur again. For example, when I broke our no texting and driving rule, my Master told me to write an essay about why texting and driving is dangerous.

After I completed the essay, I fully understood how unsafe texting and driving is and I never did it again.

I think it’s important for D types to try and think of punishments that will allow your s type to further think of the infraction and learn from their mistakes if possible.

In our home, this doesn’t happen every time. For small infractions I might just get five spankings. For my Master, it all depends on the offense and the number of times the offense has occurred.

I feel that it is important for D type’s to consider these two things when disciplining. It’s important to still be fair and just.

We also have a no grudge rule in our contract. This states that after a punishment or discipline has been completed, neither party should hold a grudge within themselves or towards their partner. Also, the issue is not to be talked about again unless the offense occurs another time.

The point of disciplining, at least to us, is to healthily and thoroughly deal with an infraction. This includes having me pay the price for it, for me to fully understand why what I did was wrong, provide an opportunity for my Master to get anything he needs to off his chest concerning the infraction, and to move on from the incident having fully talked about it so hopefully it does not occur in the future. This process is to make us stronger and me stronger, not to build negativity, low self esteem, resentment, or emotional pain. It is all done for growth and to keep our dynamic as pure as possible.

With all thing being said, these are merely suggestions and I am in NO WAY saying that any of you have to follow any of these. I am just giving some examples from my own life so hopefully you get some ideas about how to formulate your own punishment protocols. Also, not every dynamic needs discipline and/or punishments.

Funishments

As far as funishments go, they do not have to adhere to a strict routine. For us, they happen whenever the moment calls for it or whenever my Master is feeling like being rough with me.

I would highly suggest coming up with safewords when engaging in funishments, especially if you are playing with a fairly new partner that you do not know very well.

The whole point of a funishment is for it to be fun! Talk about safewords beforehand so all partners in the scene are aware. Clearly define what you want to take place in the funishment scene as well. Be as specific as you can, and let your partners know about all of your hard and soft limits. Be direct about what is on and off the table.

I would consider having a safe word for softer, slower, and stop. For example red could be stop. Pink could be softer. Yellow could be slower. If you need to have other safewords that mean different things go for it.

Safewords should be shorter words, easy to understand, and not easily mistaken for other words.

It also is a good idea to let your partner(s) know about possible triggers, things to avoid, and physical things about you such as bruising easily.

The more communication that goes on before a scene, the better the scene will most likely turn out!

I hope this has helped readers become more confident and have more direction when it comes to funishments and discipline.

As always please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

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Disclpline

Funishments

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