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Being Property

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It’s very hard for some people to understand the concept of being property, and I’m sure there are many definitions that people within the scene attach to this term.

Despite both these things, I’m writing this article to explain my definition of “being property,” the freedom it brings, and the challenges one could face concerning this topic.

I am not just my Master’s slave. I am his property at all times as well. For me, there is a difference between these two roles. Being his slave means I am here to serve him, carry out his will, and always try my best to make him happy at all times. My slave self is expected to follow all protocols, rules, and orders. This side of me is still human with the understanding that sometimes I am going to falter.

The property self is one that doesn’t have to do anything for my Master per se. I simply am His property. It’s not an act or a gesture that makes me such. It was agreed upon by myself and my Master early on in our relationship, and continues to be a very strong influence in our protocols and daily life.

To me, being His property means that Master makes all decisions for me. My Master decides where I go, who I talk to, who I hang out with, what I wear, what I do in a day, all medical and career decisions, and all other decisions concerning me. He is also responsible for my health and well-being at all times.

For example, when I go to the grocery store, I am on an outlined budget, we usually have a pretty routine grocery list, and I must send the receipt to my Master. I also must ask him if I can go to the store the day before, and let him know when I got there and when I am leaving. Everything concerning me is accounted for, and he is always informed of everything I am doing.

However, he does work a full- time job, so he can’t be with me every second, or control every little thing I do when he is a way. If he tried to do this, we both wouldn’t get near as much accomplished. Imagine if I had to ask him to go to the bathroom every time I needed to when he was at work. That would be quite time consuming and could possibly lead to accidents if he was in a meeting when I asked.

On weekdays, certain things such as using bathroom, eating, showering, household chores, making meals, and exercise are always approved. These are things that have to get done on a daily basis, and he trusts me to manage my time well enough to get them all done. I am expected to keep our home running smoothly, so it’s impractical to think that I have to ask to fold every sock in the house or to wipe up every bit of dirt I see.

He does control my life from the office as much as he can. As I have already touched on, the big decisions such as: my whereabouts, who I contact, what I wear, my daily schedule, medical decisions, career decisions, finances, when I orgasm, are all controlled by my Master 24/7.

On weekends, Master puts me on high protocol from Friday evening- Sunday evening. When I am on high protocol I must ask for everything-bathroom, shower, water, food, etc.

So, as you can see, it’s not like on weekends I am his property and weekdays I’m not. He is just able to have more control on weekends because he is able to be home with me, and doesn’t have to worry as much about work.

If anyone in interested in adding “being property” to your dynamic I would pick protocols and a level of control over your submissive that is realistically sustainable. Don’t try to force things that will breed more stress for you or your submissive.

Being property is supposed to limit stress for both parties. I know it has for us. My Master never has to worry about who I am contacting, what I am doing, where I am going, what I am wearing, what I am spending money on etc. It limits stress for me as well, because I know as long as I am doing what he told me to and what he approved, I can’t disappoint him.

He also gets to use me as his sexual property anytime he wants. Because of this, I am privileged enough to know that he is always getting what he needs in the bedroom. He also has expressed to me that it is the most amazing feeling to have a partner that will always fill his every sexual need, no matter what, and that he can ask anything of. My Master says because I always make myself sexually available to him in whatever way he needs, he will always remain fully satisfied and never need to look elsewhere for sexual pleasure.

This is the greatest freedom I gain from being His property. The freedom from worry. I never have to worry if I am disappointing or upsetting my Master as long as I am doing what he asks of me and what he approved of.

In short, being property is about doing what you are told, and only doing what is approved.

In my opinion, it’s a little more cut and dry than being a slave.

I do believe it is harder to train someone to become property than a slave though because we are all human with our own drives. Being property entails over-riding that individual drive to the best of your ability. And replacing that drive with the drive of your Master’s/Dom’s.

Being property isn’t necessarily never thinking for yourself.  It is, however, putting your own thoughts on the backburner, if they don’t agree with those of your Master/Dom.

This is something I will be forever working on. It’s not easy to be raised in a world where people are shoving independence and feminism down your throat, and trying to train your mind and body to do otherwise.

When we first started my training, it was all about creating a contract that outlined all his expectations of me, and me following the contract. I began training with merely informing him of everything I was doing. After a while, we added more protocols that involved me asking for more things (even pre-approved things). Finally, we implemented high protocol every weekend.

For me, my slave self tells my Master, “I’m going to go do my chores now”. My property self asks if I can go do them.

My slave self wants to serve my Master by taking care of our home-which is made clear in the contract that it is both my responsibility and approved by my Master. My property self can’t even do pre-approved things without my Master’s approval before beginning the task.

What if he wants me to do something else for him in that moment or maybe he has a reason why the chores should be taken care of later?

Most people are taught to say what they are doing, never ask. Asking is often viewed as a sign of weakness, unsureness, or insecurity. But I assure you, asking shows a level of care and respect for your partner’s time, state, needs, and wants that telling/informing will never be able to do.

My suggestion for anyone interested in becoming property is to begin with training yourself to inform your Master/Dom of everything. After you have become quite good at this, slowly begin implementing more protocols that involve asking. The higher the level of control the D type has, the more you will feel like their property.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

How To Tell Your Vanilla Friends About Your Power Exchange Relationship

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It’s been a struggle for me to tell people about my M/S relationship because I’ve felt they wouldn’t understand or that I would be judged. The word “Master” and “slave” can carry a connotation that does not make this dynamic sound favorable to the vanilla community.

One would think that the word “slave” infers that I am forced to do things that I don’t want to do or that I don’t have any say in the home. The term “Master” could easily make my partner sound like a controlling tyrant. How these words have been presented to the masses are very different from what they mean in the BDSM community. This is why it’s a challenge when trying to explain these concepts to vanilla individuals.

The best way I have found to explain power exchange relationships is to start out with concepts that that most people will agree with and understand, such as: transparency, communication, consent, knowing what your partner expects, vows etc.

Starting with something people can easily get on board with, allows you to assess whether it’s safe to go more in-depth into the topic, and allows the other person time to wrap their head around what you are telling them.

It’s also a good idea to mention that the entire dynamic is consensual, and that you are very happy with your life. Once the person knows you’re happy, and that your relationship is based on core values that they believe in too, it is easier to go further into explaining more foreign concepts.

You can keep your relationship details very vague or you can go into specifics depending on how you comfortable you are feeling. Initially, it’s usually a good idea to save very foreign things, such as whips and paddles, for a later date. For example, when I first told my best friend about our relationship, I only mentioned that we modeled our lives around the ideology of the 1950’s. Then, at a later date, I told her about our rules. I still haven’t told her about our spankings or punishment assignments. It’s no one’s business how you live your life, but I totally know what it’s like to want to tell people about the amazing relationship you have, but are too afraid of judgement to do so. That’s why it’s best to take things slowly and in stages.

I waited nearly a year before I opened up to my best friend. After explaining all the wonderful things we have built into our relationship, and how happy I was, she was fully on board. The things that really sold it to her were that I told her that my Master and I rarely fight, that I know exactly what he expects of me at all times/ how to make him happy, and that I never have to wonder about where I stand with him.

Before I went into our actual power exchange structure, I talked about how we use resets (a pause when tensions get heightened), and never go to bed without resolving an issue. Both of these things she understood and had heard couples talk about. Finding that relatable opener allowed me to later go into our actual contract, rules, some of our protocols, etc.

It made me extremely happy that she was accepting of my life and my relationship. I think that more times than not, we feel that those closest to us, will disown us if they knew the truth. But most of the time, our loved ones just want to see us happy and that we are being treated well. As long as you convey both of these things right off the bat, they will most likely be receptive of everything else. However, your vanilla friends may not understand everything you are saying, even when you explain it to them very thoroughly.

It’s too high of an expectation to expect even those that know us really well to fully understand where we are coming from or what our lifestyle entails. All we can hope for is that they are happy that we are happy.

When this does happen, it’s a giant win for everyone in the BDSM community.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

The Value of Resets

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Sometimes in life we need to take a breather. It’s very innate for most people to want to barrel forward, and keep going despite their own emotional hang ups. But I have found, especially in a power exchange dynamic, it is so helpful to take a pause/reset to regroup, so service can be restored. Taking a pause allows individuals to gain a better understanding about the issue, and take time to nurture each other back into a calmer state. Resets can also be used for apologies, discussing new plans of action, and to simply hold each other during tough times. It’s so important to make time to truly talk and be with one another.

We want to get things done so quickly, so we can have time to be with our partners. But sometimes we get overwhelmed, and “the being together part” gets lost in the shuffle.

In any kind of power exchange dynamic, it can be a challenge for the s type to get back into service and/or focus on the dynamic, when vanilla problems strike. It’s easy for people to fall into old habits, for certain protocols to go out the window, and for life to get the best of anyone. Resets are one way to help keep this from happening.

Resets are any change in one’s body position or room that provide an individual a way to take a step back from the situation and breathe.  In our home, sometimes, resets are just stopping what we are doing to lie on the bed and talk. Sometimes, they are meditating. Sometimes, they are Master ordering me to serve him or please him in a specific fashion. Resets should be used to center all people involved, and should be different for different circumstances. They can also be a way to show one’s emotional strength. Instead of allowing yourself to break down, you can rise above your emotions, and serve or master/dom effectively.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety, and it’s very easy for that to affect my service. I often feel overwhelmed from stressors (some real and others just in my head), which can sometimes make it a challenge to serve the way I want to. Because of this, my Master and I have found that taking a reset really helps me get back into my slave headspace. Taking a reset helps provide me with relief, and allows me to get back what truly matters, which is serving my Master. It also shows me that my Master sympathizes with my stress, and wants to try to calm me down the best he can.

I remember one time, I was so upset I thought I was going to have a break down. Instead of Master letting me sit and collapse in a puddle of tears, he ordered me to crawl to the bedroom. At first, I thought, “I can’t do this.” But, I mustered up the strength, and calmed myself enough, to crawl like he asked. After I accomplished this, I felt like I was much stronger than I had given myself credit for. I was elated because I was able to put my own mental drama aside, and serve my Master.

Resets are most effective if the D type knows the s type’s emotions really well, and knows where their partner can be realistically pushed. The D type needs to have a firm grasp on what the s type needs/can handle in an emotional moment. Without this kind of understanding, the D type could push the s type into something way over his or her head. And no one wants that to happen.

I would suggest that D types and s types learn as much as they can about each other emotionally. This takes time, a lot of communication, and observation.

In our household, both myself and my Master can call for a reset at any time. This helps us both hold each other accountable, and helps us take care of each other emotionally. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to cater to myself emotionally/mentally, so it really helps to have another person looking out for me.

In short, resets can be used to help de-escalate stressful moments, bring the couple closer together, and can provide a comfortable way to talk about anything that needs to be discussed. Resets also help prevent tense situations from getting out of hand, while keeping the dynamic intact.

In my experience, resets are incredibly valuable. I can’t imagine not having them in our home.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Trust in D/s Relationships

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There are some people out there that think that being a submissive means that we will do anything a dominant says. But that is clearly not the case.

Submission is not given lightly, and it usually is only given to those that are deserving of that submission. The key ingredient that makes a submissive willing to give himself or herself over to a Dom in any capacity is trust. Why would we hand over any aspect of ourselves if we don’t feel that person has our best interest in mind? Why would we give ourselves over to someone that we don’t know for a fact is worthy of our service?

Because trust takes time to build, as time goes on, the sub becomes more devoted, service becomes better, and the Dom feels more comfortable bestowing more responsibility to the sub.

My Master and I started dating as a vanilla couple. To be honest, even though I knew I loved my Master very early on in our relationship, I would not have agreed to be his slave right off the bat.

I feel it’s a good idea to learn everything there is about your partner-what their preferences are, what their expectations are, what their lifestyle entails, who they hang out with, their daily routine, how they are going to treat you long term, their priorities in life, what their core values are, what kind of person they are- before jumping into any kind of power exchange dynamic.

Although doing a scene with someone calls for a high level of trust, becoming involved in a power exchange relationship requires a much deeper level due to the relationship/dynamic often extending outside of the dungeon and bedroom. For this type of relationship to be successful, you must be on the same page about so many things, and you need to know your partner inside and out.

A submissive needs to know that the Dom will be consistent, healthy, and respectful. A submissive should never worry about their Dom’s decisions or ability to make decisions for them. The point of this kind of dynamic is for life to be enhanced, not more laced with worry and doubt.

Lack of trust will breed that doubt, and create many hardships within the dynamic.  Truly knowing your partner is achieved by spending time together in kink and vanilla settings. It’s not a good idea to just know someone in one location or circumstance. You need to know your partner comprehensively. Ask yourself- How are they out to dinner? How are they in the dungeon? Do they ever contradict themselves? Has there been instances of dishonesty? Are they reliable, punctual, and consistent? Picking a sub or a Dom needs to be carefully thought out, and never done on a whim.

There must be trust towards the sub from the Dom as well. That’s the only way this kind of thing works.

The Dom needs to be able to trust that the sub will stick to the contracts/rules/protocols, be able to meet their needs/wants/expectations, and be able to honestly communicate.

Clearly, there are so many things one needs to know, from both the D and s side of the slash, before entering into a power exchange relationship.

Giving the relationship and trust time to develop will make the relationship that much more whole and fulfilling in the long run.

I came to my Master with a few hard and soft limits when we first got together. But over time, as trust grew and solidified, I retracted those hard and soft limits. And I knew it was only because of the time we put in to develop such a strong foundation between us. We now live by RACK rules (Risk Awareness Consensual Kink), which means that nothing is off the table. I fully trust my Master to make all decisions for me in and outside the bedroom.

I am in NO WAY saying that you shouldn’t start by playing with SSC rules (Safe, Sane, Consensual), have safewords, or have limits. I believe you SHOULD start out that way. But as time goes on, maybe you will change your original dynamic, once the submissive fully trusts their Dom and the Dom truly trusts their sub.

In short, trust is paramount for a successful power exchange relationship, which only can come about with time and learning as much as you can about your partner.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

The Power of Punishment

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How many of us have continually blamed ourselves for things we have done in the past? How many of us have had a partner remind us of our mistakes in a sarcastic or passive aggressive manner?

I feel the answer would be “yes” for most of us.

It’s human to have emotions that make us wants to hold onto things. It’s normal to make a mistake, blame others, and feel bad for what you have done or what has been done to you. However, it’s not healthy to hold onto the bad forever. We need to forgive ourselves, and we need our partners to forgive us as well (or the relationship is doomed to fail).

I have found the best way to do this is through receiving a punishment.

In our home, punishments aren’t given to make me feel worse. They are given so I can learn from my mistakes, so I can feel I have paid the price for what I have done, and so both my Master and I can move on from the incident knowing that it has been properly dealt with.

After the punishment is over, we hold no grudges towards each other. We even have a rule that the incident is not to be brought up again once the punishment has been completed. We always have a discussion about the infraction, and my Master will put in new rules and protocols, if necessary, to help reduce the chances of the incident re-occurring in the future.

With any punishment, the D type must figure out the why the misdeed occurred, and, if necessary, come up with ways to reduce the chances of it occurring in the future. That’s the only way a punishment can be truly effective. If a s type doesn’t know why they are being punished or the true magnitude of their mistake, the misdeed could keep occurring over and over. And who wants to deal with that?

D types should always assess whether their s type is actively defying them or if there is something else going on.  A genuinely devoted s type will not actively disobey, unless that is something the D type wants to see in the dynamic. Some D types are into brattiness and youthful defiance, but I am not talking about that here.

Consistency is also key in making punishments effective. No matter how tired you are, D types always need to rise to the occasion and punish their s types if necessary. Inconsistency will create confusion in the dynamic, making the s type feel uncared for and/or even cause the s type to think they can get away with breaking rules. I actually feel upset if I forget to do something and I am not at least spanked by my Master for the infraction. I need that closure.

One of the most important things with regards to discipline is that the punishment should also always fit the offense. Many factors should be taken into account when giving a punishment, such as: frequency, the offense itself, the circumstances surrounding the incident, the s type’s state, the d types state etc.

My Master usually spanks me for minor infractions, and will use other means of punishment if the offense is more serious, or has occurred before. In the past, I have been given writing assignments, chores, and have had things withheld such as my work out classes or orgasms. All of these were very fitting to the specific offense, and my Master gave each of them a lot of thought before giving them to me.

A punishment should not be enjoyable for the s type, but should also never cross a hard limit. I would suggest, if you are going to use something physical like spanking as a punishment, to have a specific item you only use for disciplinary action. This toy/tool should be something the s type doesn’t like, but does not cross any hard limits either. For me, my Master’s implement of choice is a ruler, which I have grown to dread the sight of.

I also feel it is very important to thank your D type for taking the time to punish you. Punishing a s type means that that D type cares about the growth of the relationship and of the s type. Punishing is often very difficult for D types, so saying thank you can go a long way. In our home, we have a rule that I must thank my Master after any punishment. This helps me to show my gratitude for his commitment to my growth and the overall health of the relationship.

D types should never punish out of anger either. To ensure this never happens, in our home, Master does not have to punish me right away. He has 24 hours to give me my punishment. He will also let me know when he wants to talk about the incident. It’s always a good idea to have something like this in place to avoid not knowing what to do or what to expect when a rule is broken. It also allows the D type to punish when he or she is emotionally able to.

We are all human, and in any relationship people will anger or frustrate the other- no matter how much you love each other, how devoted you are, or how many rules you have. Because of this, it’s always wise to have some kind of protocol in place if an s type were to break contract. Some D types, may not want to punish, and that’s totally okay. But something should be put in place, whether it be a warning, punishment, correction, discipline, or exit clause if all and/or certain rules are broken.

Our punishment and reward system works very well for us because it allows us to move on from any misdeed very quickly. It puts an end to the incident in a physical way, which helps to alleviate any mental tension. It provides closure, acceptance and self-growth. It brings us closer as a couple. It also gives Master and me the space to talk about the incident, and to get ahead of any issues that might be forming.

Even though I never want to disappoint my Master, when I do, I am very grateful that he takes the time to punish me, so we can both gain closure and move on from any negative incident that occurs. I hope this article gives others ideas on how to accomplish these wonderful things too.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Being a Little and Its Healing Properties

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Most people have things from the past that they are not over, and many of those things stem from childhood. Many of our parents didn’t give us what we needed most, and our basic needs were not met. Because of this, we go into adulthood with this hole in us that feels like it can never be filled or eradicated. Although it is very evident that we cannot change the past, it is still possible to get what we missed out on in childhood in our adult lives.

My childhood was filled with a lot of extra- curricular activities and a regimented afterschool schedule, along with a very judgmental mother who needed everything, including me, to be her way. She did not give me the freedom to be myself that I so yearned for, did not give me the unconditional love that I needed, and did not provide a reliable and consistent structure for me. So, in my adult life I dealt with this void in various ways. Some healthy, such as: being task-oriented, list making, and loving my Master unconditionally and non-judgmentally. Others, in not so healthy ways, such as: emotional lash outs.

It is easy to think that what happened in your past, stays in the past. But unless it is dealt with in an effective and healthy way, it will keep coming back to haunt you.

I have found that when I go into “Little Bunny mode” I am able to get all the things I missed out on in my childhood: acceptance, laughter, silliness, and unconditional love. I feel free to be myself, and don’t have to be thinking a million steps ahead. I can just live happily and peacefully in the current moment, and be completely present and mindful with my Master.

Going into my little space also allows me to positively replace some of the negative emotions left from my childhood, and put things into a more realistic perspective. Because of my little mode, I was able to realize that I’m not a bad person; I just wasn’t living up to my mother’s standards. I know this because of the acceptance and love my Master gives me when I am in little mode. And that brings me a lot of healing. I don’t take my childhood so personally, because I am shown that other people accept my child self, which is exactly the person my mother rejected. In short, being a little can replace negative feelings from the past with new positive ones, and replace our old, pessimistic ideologies about ourselves as well.

My little side does not have a set time when it shows up or is supposed to show up. It usually makes an appearance in times of extreme stress, sadness, or happiness. But no matter when it comes out, it is always way more pleasant feeling these things through my little self, than feeling the strain of stress and sadness in my adult head space.

It also allows my Master to better deal with the intense emotions, because it is often easier to have compassion for someone who is small and youthful than a full- grown adult. I also find it is easier to move on from a negative emotion quicker and easier because that’s how children are wired. Children don’t always have the ability to see the big picture. So, when the moment is over, so are their emotions.

My little self is also much more forgiving towards myself and others, and less pessimistic because she has not been jaded by the adult world and all its disappointments. Because of this, I find my little comes out when I need to remain positive and keep my esteem intact. My Master has even given me assignments to write to my adult self from my little self. I will often read these letters in times of stress.

Roleplaying a big/little scene can also be very therapeutic. Roleplaying as a little can give you a healthy outlet to acquire what you missed out on as a child, and/ or a way to reenact things from your childhood that need working through. It allows you the space to feel more heard and be more taken care of than you may have been in childhood.

I strongly encourage those who go into little space do so only with those they whole-heartedly trust (due to the fact that going into little space can often leave one feeling quite vulnerable).  While being a little is not the sole thing one needs to work through their past, it can be a great and healing tool to use in tandem with other coping mechanisms and healing techniques.

I discovered my little with my Master by accident, and as time goes on she comes out more and more. I find being a little is a great emotional coping tool, and breeds a lot of acceptance and nonjudgement within myself. For me, when I am in little space, the lack of harsh criticism combined with unconditional acceptance definitely brings about a boost in my overall self- esteem.

I strongly encourage anyone who identifies as a little to look at who your little is, and try to link your little to your childhood. See what connections you can make. It’s important for everyone to fully process what they are not over yet, so they can move on and stop carrying the emotional weight around from the past. I have found that being a little is an amazing way to do that.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.