Article - anniebear

Free the Nipples with BDSM

December 12, 2016 By anniebear 8 Comments

We’re big fans of less censorship at Kink Weekly, but this article is about a bit more than that! The nipples are one of the most highly sensitive erogenous zones in both women AND men. While we do pay close attention to this area when we scene, I think we can go outside the box and do a bit better than run of the mill nipple clamps. So, I present to you some fresh (and probably some old) ideas for spicing up your nipple play. Also keep in mind that many (but not all) of these ideas can double as genital clamps/torture as well. We love toys that do double duty!

Nipple Clamps
Yes, I know I just said these are so “average” but this is the best place to start your nipple adventures! Clamps range from gentle to “holy crap my nipple is going to fall off” and everywhere in between. It’s also good to keep in mind that it often hurts the most once the clamp is removed and the blood rushes back into the nipple. I learned this the hard way as a newbie, much to the glee of my play partner at the time.

Clothespins
The proverbial “poor man’s” nipple clamps; wooden or plastic, these can range in intensity depending on the material and tightness of spring. I love clothespins not only because they are thrifty but they are also disposable and easy to replace. Keep in mind that the unfinished wood clothespins are porous and cannot be thoroughly cleaned as easily if they come in contact with bodily fluids.

Nipple Suckers
This is exactly what it sounds like, mini suckers for the nipples. They are applied via a twist action, pulling the flesh into the tube. The sensation is quite interesting if you’ve never experienced it. You can add more sensation by flicking or jiggling the suckers once they are on the nipple. Extreme Restraints has a really cool pair and the price is right if you’re looking to try something new!

Chopsticks
Who knew such a harmless utensil could inflict so much torment! Simply take two chopsticks, rubber band them together and voila, instant nipple torture! Here is a great tutorial on how to make your own set. I’ve definitely heard tale of these being used on genitals as well. Once again, affordable, disposable, and easy to replace.

Magnetic Nipple Clamps
These things are amazing. I personally think they look so delicate and pretty: a great accessory for your next kink outing. These can be worn under clothing with only some minimal visibility on the outside.

Nipple Stocks
The sister toy to the nipple chopsticks, this clever device comes in the single nipple or long double nipple design. Feel like smashing your submissive’s nipples between two pieces of wood? This is the toy for you. You can adjust the pressure to make them as hard or soft as you’d like. Our friend Rope_Daddy hand makes this clever device.

Do you have any clever nipple torture ideas we need to hear about? Do you think this list is still too tame? We’d love to hear from you in the comments. Happy nipple play!

anniebear is a submissive living with her partner Dexx in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.

Burning Man with a Splash of BDSM

October 3, 2016 By anniebear 2 Comments

It’s been three weeks since Dexx and myself returned from the Burning Man festival in the Black Rock Desert. If you’ve never heard of it (you’d be surprised exactly how many people have no idea what it is) it’s a large gathering of people in the desert in Nevada. The event centers around art, community, self-reliance, and leaving no trace. Basically, you bring everything you need to survive and pack it all out at the end whilst having an amazing time meeting people, experiencing spontaneous events, and surviving.

Veterans of the festival say it can take a while to decompress from the week spent in the desert and I believe that to be true. I wanted to share some of our findings and highlights from the festival, despite immense preparation and hours of study on what to expect, I was extremely surprised by my week at Burning Man.

Dexx and I arrived in our RV on a Tuesday, two days after the official start of Burning Man. We also happened to be driving right into our very first dust storm. Nothing could have prepared us for exactly what a dust storm is like. If you’ve never experienced it, imagine the density of fog that is actually a heavy misting of fine dust and the resulting respiratory discomfort it can cause. It covers everything and requires you to wear a face mask and goggles. But just as quickly as a dust storm can blow in, it dissipates. The entire week, the longest dust storm lasted around 10-15 minutes but they can also come and go back to back making it extremely taxing to set up camp for example. We found our camping spot and spent the next few hours getting everything in order and battening down the hatches! Below is a photo Dexx took of our humble little camp amidst the storm.

I expected to feel filthy and dirty the whole time, with water being in short supply showers were non-existent, but the dust is so fine and the air so dry you’re never drenched in sweat. The dust helps to block the sun from burning your skin (along with a combo of a hefty douse in sunscreen). The only mess was my hair, which I had temporarily dyed purple and promptly put in a braid and did not touch the whole week.

Once we had our camp set, it was time to take an exploratory bike ride. Everyone brings bikes as a means to travel. The entire Burning Man camp referred to as Black Rock City is approximately seven miles wide so you can imagine how much time it would take to walk everywhere. My booty was aching by the third day and I was having to center myself from what I referred to as my “torture rides” on the bike. Not the type of pain I’m into! We passed sites such as the Orgy Dome, a ski jump, giant towers to be climbed and massive art cars; buses and more that have been converted into rolling pieces of art. After the first day, I opted to not wear pants for the remainder of the event as evidenced by the photos within this article.

One of the art installations on the playa. There were hundreds!

There is plenty of BDSM and kink to be had on the playa (another name for the Burning Man location). There are several fully equipped BDSM dungeon camps to explore. We do not have any photos of them due to the allowances of photography at these locations. We were extremely impressed with the level of equipment to be found. Imagine picking up an entire dungeon, packing it in a truck, then having to drive it miles and miles into the desert and unloading it all!

There were also traveling kinksters. We saw some human pony and carriage play, men and women on leashes, and I also got some hefty swats from a naked dominatrix. She was carrying a cock shaped crop (the bird not the anatomy) and I ended up with the crop shape on my backside for several days. It was hysterical!

We went to visit an actual 747 airplane that had been transported all the way out to the desert. It was an incredible site to behold, the shell of this massive plane sitting on the playa.

Before gaining entrance, people were required to go through a “TSA checkpoint” consisting of sexy ladies frisking everyone. I got a swift smack on my butt and a boob grab but I was happy to oblige.

There was also a sign that clearly laid out exactly what would be prohibited on the “flight.” The inside is converted into a lounge and dance space. You could also fill out your baggage tag with your actual emotional baggage and leave it on the wall of the plane. We thought that was a nice touch.

At night the playa is lit up by all manner of art cars, camps, art installations, and bikes! It was incredible to see the rainbow of color and creativity behind all of it. The human race is an amazing thing.

I took a chance and spontaneously decided to participate in the beer mile on Thursday morning. The race required each person to chug a beer every 400 meters. Sound easy? It’s totally not! They required each person to carry a vomit bag with them just in case. No, I did not end up having to use mine and yes I did complete the race with a respectable time of 19:45. I didn’t even come in last place! The unfortunate side effect of chugging four beers in 20 minutes is that you are in fact wasted afterward. I ended up having to walk my bike and myself back to camp to sober up. It was pretty comical.

All in all, we had a wonderful time. It was dusty, difficult, surprising and most of all wonderful to see all of these people existing together in this space with an open mind and no judgment! It was kind of like being in a more vanilla version of a dungeon, a safe space where everyone could just be themselves.

A beautiful sunset on our last day of Burning Man

Opinion: Swingers and BDSM

September 19, 2016 By anniebear 10 Comments

This topic is often fraught with controversy and angst. We have two very different lifestyles yet they both are on the fringe; often hidden from others or concealed behind closed doors, whispered about among friends. I consider myself a BDSM lifestyler first but have most definitely dabbled in the swinger lifestyle in the past. I’d like to make the case for BDSM and swingers to live in harmony and even so far as to say they can live as one! I know I’m going to get some backlash from this, but I’m hopeful about the potential these two communities have.

I know plenty of dungeons that hold separate BDSM and swinger events but very few that host crossover events. Goddess Fae in San Diego has been championing the cause at her Dungeon Black. You go girl! It’s often touted that the two communities cannot cohabitate. The swinger group is horrified by acts of BDSM it is said. The BDSM group is appalled at the lack monogamy and consent that the swingers convey. To this is say hogwash! If I may point out the similarities between the two groups, I think it will be fairly obvious that they have more in common than not. There is also the negative connotation surrounding the word “swinger” in the mainstream context. People assume that swingers are sex-crazed fiends who attend drug and alcohol fueled parties. I’ve found the reality to be to the contrary. There is a similar misconception about BDSM parties being full of big scary men who grab and cart off unwilling women into dark rooms to beat and torture. Sound familiar?

Safety
Both groups encourage safe play and sex practices. Some swinger parties even model the BDSM parties by having “monitors” or folks who walk around making sure everyone is alright and rules are being followed.

Consent
As always, consent is key for both communities. People can’t just go in and start banging (or banging on) anybody they want. While some swinger parties have more relaxed rules or a general “open consent” vibe, a person still reserves the right to say, “No thanks, I’m not interested.” Those who push this point or consistently break it tend to fall out of favor (and out of invites) fairly quickly.

Curiosity
Everyone has a curiosity about one another. There are a lot of folks that crossover between the two and information is exchanged.

Communication
Not unlike BDSM couples, I’ve found that folks in the swinger community are awesome communicators. You have to be just as open with your partner and potential partners about limits, wants and desires.

It’s safe to say that some folks in the swinger lifestyle will simply not be into bondage and spanking but it’s not necessarily the case where they will be appalled. In these fringe communities, people have a broader understanding and acceptance of things that are not “normal” by vanilla standards.

I’d like to think if the two communities had a bit more practical understanding of the other, then the two could combine to make some pretty awesome collaborations. There are mutual skillsets to share, not to mention a larger pool of kink-minded folks to befriend and who doesn’t want more BDSM acceptance?

I’d love to open up a discussion about this. Please chat with me about your thoughts and experiences in the comments!

Writer, model, babygirl, submissive. After trying vanilla relationships one time too many, anniebear finally realized her submissive desires and discovered the BDSM community. When not writing for Kink Weekly, she enjoys spankings and being tied with rope.

UPDATE: Five Aspects of BDSM We Forget

September 5, 2016 By anniebear 4 Comments

This is an update of an article I originally wrote back in January 2016. I decided to resurrect it with some new (and some same) info, for your reading pleasure!

While I love the lifestyle and specifically the very active scene in my home town of Los Angeles, there are key elements that are sometimes overlooked or completely forgotten. In an effort to not make this a list of rants, I’ve tried to offer supportive insight and advice for each item. Feel free to elaborate and add onto the list in the comments!

1. Proper introductions. While protocols are often touted as the norm, I often see folks completely ignore proper hellos and introductions leading to incredibly awkward yet avoidable conversation. Perhaps it’s the dungeon atmosphere that makes people nervous or maybe it’s a Dominant that’s too big for his/her britches, but a polite and respectful “Hello my name is Sir Domly McDomerton-it’s a pleasure to meet you” goes a long way. This etiquette flows over onto FetLife messaging as well. Also, don’t forget to introduce your friend/partner/sub/slave to new or old acquaintances as well. This will ease awkwardness and reinforce the dynamic. If your dynamic includes not introducing your slave/submissive/property as part of punishment or perhaps humiliation play, it may be helpful to indicate as such to ease awkwardness. If all else fails, pretend it’s normal vanilla life and treat people like people. Being at a dungeon or even a munch doesn’t fall too far outside of the ability to treat others as you’d want to be treated.

2. Aftercare. I know you’re sick of hearing about it, but this is a super important ending to almost every scene. Pretend like the scene is a gift and the aftercare is wrapping up the entire package in a nice, clean bow. Maybe you don’t feel like you’ll ever need aftercare, at least check in with the other person for a polite thank you and “how do you feel.” It’s better to be the person who asked about aftercare needs as it shows maturity and experience in the lifestyle. Don’t forget that some Dom/mes may need or want aftercare too. Return the favor!

3. Attending classes. There are enough know-it-alls in the world, please do not fall prey to being one of them. You know the type-they know everything there is from flogging to hook suspension and beyond. While it’s all good and well to be confident, it’s even more important to be well balanced, safe, and educated in your “craft”-for lack of a better word. This goes for both Dominants and submissives. Submissives may feel like they just need a good Dom/me to teach them everything. Be proactive. Being educated is your best protection against injury and avoiding predators in the lifestyle. Most Dom/mes of quality will find your education in the lifestyle an asset rather than a hindrance. In my opinion, if a Dom/me ever tries to stop you from attending classes or educational opportunities, you should run the other direction.

4. Balance. I have personally found that there needs to be balance with BDSM vs. vanilla activities. I learned this early on from my first ever play partner. At the time, I didn’t understand it because I was new and wanted to experience everything to do with kink right then and there. I had the fever, so to speak. Now that I’ve grown from that and have many more experiences under my belt, I actually enjoy vanilla activities equal to, if not more than the BDSM ones. There are a few friends of mine who, like myself are lifestylers, but they have somehow lost the social grace to act appropriately in vanilla public- things like inappropriate touching or talking loudly about kink activities in mixed company. Remember, while you’re kink is your life and expression, much like a religious fanatic it is not your “right” to force your lifestyle on someone else or make people feel uncomfortable around you. This not only further damages the impression vanilla folks have about BDSM but it also alienates you from making potential connections and educating people about kink. You’re an ambassador of the lifestyle whether you like it or not. However I do have to admit it’s often fun making mundane vanilla activities kinky. Use your imagination and discretion 😉

5. This leads me too…taking a break. It happens to the most experienced lifestylers. Sometimes you just want to hide out in your house for an entire weekend instead of attending a play party every night. Maybe you are over taxed from work and simply cannot commit to a munch a week. This is ok and does not make you any less of a player in the community. Your kink is what you make it and that includes setting boundaries for your personal time. From a safety point of view, if you’re a heavy player or someone that plays often, you should allow yourself time to heal and not just for a few days in between. Make sure to assess your health and be honest about potential long term damage.

6. Having a variety of friends. This can mean a lot of things. Of course everyone has a large circle of acquaintances. Recently, Dexx and I realized we were often spending time with the same people over and over. We love these people and the group dynamic is fun when we get together. What’s wrong with that you may ask? We should all endeavor to keep our scope, skillsets, and opinions broad, informed, and well rounded. It’s not that we will stop seeing our favorite people, we’ll simply add new folks into the mix. Going to classes helps in this regard as well. Another approach is to attend play parties outside of your regularly scheduled events. I’m a voyeur. I love watching a great dynamic play. I identify as a submissive but I bet could learn a thing or two from attending a FemDom party-and guess what?! I did! I attended Women in Charge of Kink, a Female Dom/male submissive dynamic party and it was a total blast. I spoke with a ton of wonderful women and met some charming men as well. I’ve even continued the conversation on this type of dynamic since the party.

If the concept of opening up your circle of friends sounds distasteful or uncomfortable, I urge you to give it a shot. It’s good to feel uncomfortable every once in a while.

A Kink Engagement Ring

June 6, 2016 By anniebear 4 Comments

The Eternity collar straight form the packaging.

You might have caught my two part, true telling of my surprise birthday party in the erotica section a few weeks ago. While the entire party was wonderful with all of my friends in attendance, the huge surprises around every corner, and also Sprinkles cupcakes (!), by far the best and biggest surprise of all was my partner Dexx presenting me with a collar of consideration. If you’re not familiar with what some consider the protocol and process on the path to collaring, our contributor Baadmaster wrote an excellent series of articles on the subject with more details. But, receiving my consideration collar was the greatest gift Dexx could have ever given me. It’s a slim, silver, brush metal design with a screw in lock. I barely even notice it anymore as it has quickly become a part of me. Not only does the collar honor me, it also shows the world that I have an owner. It is my “kinky engagement ring” if you will.

A happy anniebear in her Eternity collar!

The maker of my collar is Eternity Collars. I find this specific collar company special because for them a collar is akin to an engagement ring. Should Dexx and I be in a vanilla relationship, this collar is equivalent to any rock on my finger. Sharing a 24/7 collar is a momentous occasion and it can be difficult to find just the right piece to work with your lifestyle. It needs to be subtle enough as to be worn at work or around family members. It needs to be durable as to stand the test of time, to be worn in the shower, pool, or ocean as well as during scenes in play. It also needs to be stylish and versatile for the fashionista in me! I have a scrawny little bird neck. Most collars are enormous on me and flop around. Eternity offers custom sizing to accommodate anyone. I personally feel if you’re giving a collar to someone to wear around their neck, 24/7, for potentially the rest of their lives, it might be a good idea to at least get a measurement.

I wear my collar with pride and honor. I often receive compliments and people ask where I got it from. I was recently at a dungeon and someone asked if it was Eternity. They said a prior Dominant of theirs had gifted them with a pair of cuffs from the same maker and that she too had loved them. It’s definitely a universal sign of thought and devotion as much as any engagement ring.

So what does a collar mean to you? Do you prefer something else besides a collar or maybe you opt for a tattoo? Let us know in the comments!

Oh, the things one sees at DomCon!!!!

May 30, 2016 By anniebear 4 Comments

For any of our regular readers, you know we recently attended DomCon in Los Angeles. This is the largest lifestyle and professional BDSM event in the Los Angeles area and it is highly anticipated by all! Kink Weekly was in the house talking about our magazine and also meeting some of our readers, which was extremely rewarding!

We had some fun stickers to hand out and I snapped a few pictures with some of my BDSM idols. I think I really managed to play it cool…kind of.

Swooning over Goddess Fae from San Diego.

Our friend Ken Marcus was on the scene snapping pics.

I was only able to make it to one class, Victorian Style Birching, as I was manning (womanning?) the Kink Weekly booth and boy was it a good one! I’ll talk about it later in this article. I also had a chance to walk around the vendor floor and check out some of the crazy inventions that people come up with. The sky is the limit and I’ll never stop being amazed by the devious and cunning minds of these kinky crafters. My partner Dexx was in his element as he fancies himself a kinky inventor of torture devices, some of which have been featured in past Kink Weekly shoots.

I wanted to share some of my finds with those who were not able to attend. Perhaps you’ve seen some of these items before? Or maybe you’re one of these inventors; to you I say well done, Sir or Madam!

A makeshift butt plug holder-Orchid and Serpent

This one was a bit tongue in cheek. Orchid and Serpent scored the mother of all butt plug holders (does anyone out there have enough butt plugs to even warrant a butt plug holder?) with this discarded child’s toy turned amazing use of up cycling! Yes, that is a Barbie Doll game. Yes, those are all butt plugs inserted into each hole of the Barbie Doll game. The story goes that one of the owners of Orchid and Serpent spotted this toy at a garage sale and as the kink minded are often known to do, a “pervertable” was found! Some may think it’s inappropriate (but we don’t hang out with those people) I call it genius!

Double Flogger-Ravynblood Leather

Master Gabriel, the mastermind behind this piece has finally outdone himself. You may know him as the maker of the Composition Book paddle and also having a penchant for making his submissives kneel on Legos. This double flogger provides double the impact. Just when you think the flogger strike is going to end, it is quickly followed by another one all in one motion. His household members at the booth were kind enough to give a demo. This toy is used with a rotating motion of the wrist that is actually quite easy to master. I was also impressed that the flogger falls did not tangle amongst themselves. It was one smooth double whammy!

Vajankle-Orpheus Black

While Orpheus is typically a seller of knives for edge play, I was delighted to see this item at his booth this year. You read correctly; it’s an ankle and a vagina so a vajankle! When I was told the name of this specific toy, I cried with laughter. However, someone is into this particular kink and that’s ok! The feet are sold as a set with the second one just being a fake foot, sans the vagina. I’m also happy to report that on the third and final day of DomCon, the vajankle had been purchased by a lucky attendee.

Bugs!-I did not get this vendor’s name! If anyone knows please let me know in the comments!

This booth was full of creepy crawlies, but luckily they were all diseased or I would have been out of there…or maybe burn the place down. Check out those spiders and bats! They were all encased in solid glass which would make for a great conversation piece. But now that I’m thinking about it, they would also be good for the sadist because if my Dom stuck one of those on my face I don’t think I would be pleased!

A double leather hood-Edgeplay Gear

Just in case you need a hood in side a hood, Edgeplay Gear has you covered (no pun intended). I think this hood is for those huge leather enthusiasts mixed with a bit of asphyxiation. You can over your sub’s head and then zip them up inside the dual masking feature. Tighten the collar for added terror! It reminds me a bit of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with “Leather Face!

Big ass floggers-Tawan Leather

Check out the size of this bad boy! By Tawan Leather, hailing from Las Vegas.

Never in my life have I seen a flogger of this magnitude. Even the largest Fox Flogger I experienced in New Zealand could compare. It reminded me of a witch’s broom, except it packs a much bigger punch. Getting hit with this bad boy was akin to getting kicked in the butt, hard! I had to make sure I was stabilized enough to sustain the impact. Our booth was across from Tawan’s and we got to watch people getting walloped all weekend long! Hilarious!

I was pretty nervous but took it like a champ!

“The Mistress Molly 3 Loop Extreme” made by Caniac.com and Miss Molly

Apparently this is not for the faint of heart.

I’ve seen a lot of impact toys, but nothing quite like this. There was quite a bit of weight to this piece, making it super effective. Miss Molly from New Hampshire nicknames this one “her baby” as she spent significant time crafting the design and layout. She says, “It’s all hand made by a wonderful married couple from Massachusetts and comes with a lifetime warranty. I worked with Caniac to develop the “The Mistress Molly Red Line Extreme” toys, which as the name indicates are their most severe implements they make. Not for your beginner spanko!” You’ll receive no complaints from me! She was also accepting donations for Alhpa Dog Rescue and portions of her proceeds also go to that rescue group; anything that helps animals is aces in my book!

Scary repurposed metal stuff-Industrial Dis-ease

Despite their size, these packed a lot of weight behind them.

There must not be much to do in Wisconsin or else these guys are just really clever. They have a whole stock of stuff that looks like you could beat the shit out of someone (consensually of course), barely have to exact any effort, and leave wicked marks. All of their products are made from pipe, chain, and anything else metal. Their floggers were pieces of pipe with ball chains attached yet they still looked elegant and well crafted. These weren’t the dinky chains that come with necklaces-this was heavy duty, watch your ass kind of stuff. I was also presented with a demo of the light saber cane! It has interchangeable color tubes so you can be a Jedi one day or a member of the Imperial Force another. Definitely toys for the sadistic!

Spiked tray and wooden stocks-Torrid Timber

Chris of Torrid Timber has beautiful, handmade items ranging from paddles to spiked coasters. But by far the most impressive piece were his slave stocks. Need something to completely immobilize your slave? Stick them in some stocks with ankle cuffs and chains and they won’t go anywhere! This elegantly designed, modern piece has an easy to use locking mechanism that is cleverly out of reach from the subject wearing the stocks. He was also sporting a tray with a removable bottom to allow the subject carrying or holding it to feel tiny little spikes. It’s genius design offers minimal effort if say your submissive is a human table with the tray on their back. Just keep adding items on the tray to increase the level of discomfort. We can’t wait to see what he comes up with next!

Birch Rod-Birchen Boutique

As I mentioned I was only able to attend one class; Victorian Style Birching or as the instructor Daddy Johnny likes to point out, a class on sticks. But do not be deceived! This implement is one of the most punishing a bottom can ever experience! It’s basically a bundle of sticks, often treated in a saltwater brine tied or taped together. Then the Dominant takes them and wallops the submissive as many times as they can stomach. It is not for the faint of heart or light bottomed. Twigs fly everywhere and it often opens up the flesh in tiny (or not so tiny) micro cuts. A shower is recommended after to get all of the stick particles out of the cuts or you can elongate the subs punishment by holding off on the shower for a little while. Daddy Johnny delivered an extensive and fascinating history on birching followed by multiple live demos from himself and Sir Valentino. At the end of the class, you even got to make your own birch rod. Birchen Boutique also has the more historical version of the stocks, made with intricate and beautiful designs. One of the demo bottoms was also sporting the “shrew’s fiddle,” a parallel version of stocks. I give major accolades to the demo bottoms in this class, as it was not an easy one.

I’m sure there are many more crazy inventions where these came from. Kinksters are known to be creative and this only further proves this theory. What kind of things have you all seen? Any off the wall toys or equipment? We’d love to hear about it in the comments!

Reader question: How to balance D/s and “real” life

March 15, 2016 By anniebear 2 Comments

anniebear here. We received a great question from a reader. This is a burning question for many folks trying to balance D/s and busy life schedules. It truly can be the biggest hang up in mastering a strong dynamic. We have our Kink Weekly writers to weigh in on the issue. Here is the question:

“I have a question that I was hoping I could get some help with. My work life makes me a very busy girl outside of my D/s relationship. My Sir, in efforts to support my life goals and lower my stress levels, tries to avoid adding extra daily tasks for me. However, this has the side effect of diminishing the levels of D/s in our relationship. I have looked for articles online about this, but only seem to find articles addressing how to put a submissive into headspace after coming home from work. My question is more focused on how my Sir can incorporate D/s into outside tasks that I already have to do independently of our relationship so that I can feel his presence and control throughout the day. Thanks for your help!”

Baadmaster says:

This might not help in answering your question, but you must realize that every D/s relationship is different.

There are those who view jobs as “off limits” and D/s begins and ends when the submissive arrives home (often with a greeting ritual) to when he/she leaves in the morning for work. I might add, from a purely practical point of view, this is the easiest strategy to use when dealing with jobs, kids or any non-D/s activity.

If your Sir and you want a literal 24/7 D/s union, then you have to accept there will be incursions into pure D/s because of outside demands. For example, you are working for Apple and Tim Cook calls you in for a group meeting. If your protocols require you to answer his calls or texts immediately, this situation will cause you enormous stress.

Once jobs are involved, one cannot expect unfettered D/s.

In your case, it is commendable that your Sir understands the difficulties in maintaining the D/s control in your workspace. I would suggest that he goes a little lighter on workplace demands – possibly making up for it by being a little stricter at home. This is just a suggestion.

In totality, one of the purposes of D/s is for a slave is to lesson stress levels by relieving him/her of many decisions, leaving those for the Dom/me. If in doing so, your Sir diminishes your perception of the D/s dynamic, so be it. In a battle between stress and lighter D/s, in my opinion, lighter D/s wins.

I might add, if you wish to feel his presence 24/7, collars work wonders!

Jenn says:

My suggestion is to come up with tasks that work FOR you and your life, rather than them becoming another stressor. Perhaps he chooses which panties you wear, or gives you a trinket you can carry or wear as a reminder of him. Perhaps the task is stress reducing, for example, that once before you go to lunch (or before noon) and once again before you leave work, you must stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and repeat a mantra in your head that he designs specifically for you. (maybe you send a quick text with one word or emoji that lets him know you completed the task) This maintains your connection and submission to him throughout the day without impeding on your schedule too much. Plus the added bonus of self care (mentally and physically).

These are just a few examples and hopefully the basic concept helps you come up with your own unique ideas!

anniebear says:

This is a tough issue! On a candid level, this is something Dexx and myself are always working more to strengthen. I applaud you for seeking advice outside of your relationship and having the self-awareness to know where improvement can be made.

First of all, it sounds like you and your Sir are able to communicate during the day. That’s great! With different jobs, it’s not always easy to check in during the workday. My suggestion is to start small and add on from there. Work out with your Sir a daily task. This can be something you are already doing for your job or an additional (small) task that He decides. The small task could even be having you write out five affirmations complimenting yourself in personal appearance or intellect. This task should have a deadline. For example, let’s say you must complete a job-based procedure each day but perhaps there is no deadline except for presenting it by the end of the day at your job. Your Sir can tell you to complete it by 2pm that day. He can check in with you before that time to make sure your on target, etc. If it’s a task he assigned, you must send him photographic or verbal evidence that it is complete by the designated time. These are very basic examples, but I think you get the picture.

I would personally look at my daily duties either at home or work and decide where I am the weakest. This would be the area where I would provide my Sir with feedback and ask for help. For example, while I’m personally very good at organization, I am not good at prioritizing what should be completed first and thus I can feel overwhelmed. I could work out a daily checklist to give to my Sir to hold me accountable.

The most important aspect of all of this is accountability and issuing subsequent punishment. Some days, even that one one extra task or deadline may seem like too much, but you need to focus on the D/s and take it one moment at a time. While your Sir is in charge, you are also 50% of the equation.

BDSM Community Leader Needs Our Help

February 22, 2016 By anniebear Leave a Comment

Hello Kink Weekly readers,

A local Los Angeles community leader needs our help. Mistress Melissa is a professional Dominant, educator, and mentor having served the Los Angeles community for over twenty years.

“Mistress Melissa needs our help. Her 4 month old daughter River is currently suffering from complications of serious respiratory issues that are very difficult to treat due to her young age and we are raising funds to help cover bills and expenses.

Mistress Melissa has been active part of our community for many years and has has given her all time, and time again to be there for us when we’ve needed her. Now is our opportunity to be there for her in return.”

Donations can be made to her Gofundme campaign.

If you’re located in the Los Angeles area, a play party benefiting mistress Melissa will take place Saturday, February 27th at Sanctuary LAX. There will be live performances by some the of the greatest talents in LA, model appearances, and even the opportunity to staple cash to a live person. RSVP here.

Thank you for the support!

Fifty Shades of Mockery

February 15, 2016 By anniebear 1 Comment

With all the buzz surrounding the impending second installment of the Fifty Shades debacle (I think my loathing for this franchise is palpable), several other films surfaced that have cashed in on the BDSM theme. More specifically, the two films I’ll be discussing here are in fact, directly linked to Fifty Shades of Gray.

You may ask why do we care? Why is it important to note that other people make terrible BDSM films? It’s all about vanilla awareness and starting the conversation. I’ll get to that in a bit so hang with me. The first film, which in my opinion was so obscure if you blinked you may have missed it was Bound, released in early 2015, directly ahead of the first Fifty Shades movie. It was made in the style of a “mockbuster”-cashing in on the similar plot and genre to the mainstream Fifty Shades film soon to be released. Starring Charisma Carpenter (from Buffy!) as Michelle Mulan and some guy who looks and acts like the poor man’s Jamie Dornan (not that I’m a fan of his either) playing Ryan Black, this trainwreck shares many similarities to the Fifty Shades plotline. Spoiler alert: Guy hits on woman who is failing at her life and career, he now claims he owns her, she agrees for some unknown reason, some awful BDSM scenes, as it turns out he’s actually just mentally ill, and from here the plot deviates from its inspiration. Here’s the laughable synopsis pulled directly from IMDB, “The daughter of a wealthy real estate broker falls in love with a younger man, who introduces her to B&D and S&M. Using her newly awakened sexual prowess, she finally takes charge of her own life.” I recognized one of the dungeon filming locations as Los Angeles Dungeon West owned by pro-Domme Mistress Justine Cross. Too bad they didn’t bring her on as a consultant for the film, it really could have used the help.

Some positives did come from this movie. I will say the film showed us what a Dom IS NOT. The Dom in this movie is depicted as a disrespectful, petulant party boy drug dealer. Absolutely no one else in the film likes him including a fellow Dominatrix that Michelle meets in a dungeon. She actually goes so far as to warn Michelle to stay away from Ryan because he’s dangerous and makes “people like us look bad.” In all honesty, this doesn’t really happen in our community. For one thing, warning others about predators, proven or not can turn into a bit of a which hunt. But, I think our community could do a better job of protecting newbies and others from predators. Education is one step in the right direction. Awareness is another thing entirely. But in the end there will always be the question of why someone like Michelle would fall for a weasel like Ryan Black. The similarities to some of the horror stories we hear in real life about Dom/mes gone wrong are striking. It’s easy to fall into the desired fantasy and ignore the warning signs.

I don’t recommend seeing Bound unless you have a few hours of your life you never want to get back. But it’s worth mentioning that due to its content and overall message that overcoming adversity and BDSM helped mold Michelle into a strong, powerful woman.

Moving on to film number two, a much more mainstream flick in its own right; Fifty Shades of Black. Yup, I sat through this one too. It’s not so much a mockbuster as it is a parody. Following the same plotline as it’s namesake, the story follows Hannah and Christian. The most interesting aspect of note is the characters’ references to Fifty Shades. At one point, Christian Black is torturing Hannah by reading aloud from the book. Hannah also references Ana Steele towards the end of the movie. The jokes are fairly mild, some of them only kinky folks might understand which I appreciate. But my take away from it is they were ripping apart the original Fifty Shades of gray movie. Hannah was depicted as a complete idiot and Christian was a nit whit, which is basically how the characters are in the original movie but they were being serious. This movie also made BDSM a bit absurd and exaggerated in a way but then again so did Fifty Shades of Gray.

So what does all of this boil down to? Well, I appreciate that BDSM is getting ever more mainstream. There are some in the community that do not applaud this effort but I find it can only assist in making what we do behind closed doors and in dungeons more acceptable and thus have fewer repercussions when something goes wrong or if the “wrong” person finds out about you. Almost everyone knows of at least one person in the lifestyle who’s had to deal with backlash after being outed. I personally know of several. But all of these movies, even if poorly representing the community as a whole still serves to make something “taboo” mainstream. We are well on our way to normalizing kink.

How to “kink-up” your Valentines Day

February 8, 2016 By anniebear 1 Comment

February 14th is just around the corner! You know what that means, it’s the one time of year when vanillas go just a little kinky to spice up their bedroom habits! Out come the fuzzy handcuffs and edible lube but here at Kink Weekly, we can do better than that. In honor of the holiday that causes the most fights, proposals, and babies out of the whole year, we present five fun tips for “kinking” up your Valentines Day (suitable for both vanillas and kinksters alike!).

1. Pain can be pleasurable

While I’m a firm believer that most people are either born kinky or not, it can still be fun to explore some new limits. The most common techniques for beginners would be biting and light scratching of the skin. You can get a bit more technical with some nipples clamps-don’t be scared! With the right type of clamps, you can adjust for how much pressure is being applied. Communicate with your partner while you’re applying them. If they are scared, try the clamps on yourself first to show that your nipple does not in fact, fall off from clamp use. Follow up the clamps with some ice, which if you’re not expecting it can almost “hurt” at first.

2. Try some sensory deprivation

For those of you newbies out there-this means depriving your partner of their senses. This can be accomplished by use of a blindfold, ear plugs or ear buds with music, and bondage (you can touch things if you can’t move your arms) just to name a few. Some couples go all out with this theme, creating elaborate and intricate scenes to both terrify and titillate their partners. If this is new territory for you, start with the blindfold. You can still communicate with your partner and then build the scene with different elements from there. You can take advantage of your partner’s limited capacity to explore some sensual play. Use a feather or for the more daring, a light slapper or crop. It all comes in bits and pieces and what you both are comfortable with.

3. Have an open conversation about a fantasy you’ve always had

This all goes back to the open and honest communication we tout on a regular basis in our articles on Kink Weekly. We believe the biggest problem plaguing most mainstream relationships is a lack of honest communication. Instead, people often fall into a trap of not fully disclosing fantasies and desires for risk of judgment from their partner. Tis’ the Valentines season to throw that old and tired thinking out the window. Sit down with your partner and agree to put judgment on the backburner (or completely get rid of it!). Then disclose that deep, erotic fantasy you’ve always had. It doesn’t even have to be very elaborate. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to lick your partner’s feet or maybe you feel your breasts need more TLC the important part is to actually say this out loud and see what happens. No fantasy is too stupid or taboo. I bet you’ll be surprised by what your partner has been keeping from you. For those of you who may be in a heavy D/s relationship or just enjoy kink in the bedroom, this would be a good time to have a relationship inventory to make sure you are both on the same page or discover that your slave is super interested in something they may have seen at a dungeon or online.

4. Go someplace naughty together

This could be as simple as the local sex toy store or if you’re a regular BDSM
player, you and your partner could visit one of the more taboo parties or a swingers club. I know plenty of couples that just enjoy going and watching the “festivities.” In the end, you may find that it’s not for you but it’s fun to try new things with your significant other and will only strengthen the bond you share.

5. Play with food

I know what you’re thinking, zzzzzzzzzz (that’s you falling asleep while reading this). But hear me out! If you have not yet discovered, food can be one of the most erotic or humiliating scene accessories one can use. I mean, imagine being smacked across the face with a limp hot dog or having chocolate sauce licked from head to toe. Those ideas probably elicited very different responses form you. The ideas are limitless. Heavy scenes involving food elements are called “sploshing” –which is a new term to me. Lay out some plastic drop cloths on your bed and get down and dirty. You can make this an erotic experience by using foods you and your partner enjoy or if you really want to be a sadist, use foods that “hurt” like spicy peppers or things that smell terrible. This also gives you a chance to revert back to your childhood self because playing with food is fun! Sploshing also has the added advantage of just being able to hop in the shower when it’s all done. No permanent marks or bruising (though I’ve heard of ways that you could but that’s for another article).

For those of you celebrating, I hope you all have a fabulous Valentines Day with someone rad. We always want to hear about your adventures (and misadventures) so please let us know how it goes in the comments! xo- anniebear 🙂

Article - anniebear

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