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How To Use A Squirting Dildo For Kinky Sex

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There is a common misconception that squirting dildos are only for female-female couples that want to add a penis into the mix without the hassle of introducing a third party. However, this couldn’t be more wrong. Sure, female-female couples can enjoy a squirting dildo during their fun sexual encounters, but so can everyone else. The erotic view of ejaculation and the internal stimulation of your partner “finishing” inside you is a delight that can be enjoyed by any kinky player.

There are certain times where a regular dildo just isn’t going to scratch your itch. Squirting dildos, also known as ejaculating or cumming dildos are usually designed with all the realism of a real cock, with the added delicious finish that regular dildos lack. Whether you decide to fill it with a semen-like liquid substitute that tastes like cum or a fruity flavored lube of your choice, you’ll be amazed at how much fun you can have when you have full control of when the member comes to an explosive finish. 

If you’re feeling kinky, here are the best ways to use a squirting dildo for a sexy and stimulating time!

When you want your partner to finish inside you.

Let’s face it: the thought of your partner finishing inside you is super-hot – there’s something about the visual affirmation that you are the reason for your partner’s orgasm that can make you feel so desirable. Cum fetishes are a thing! What’s less hot? Pregnancy, UTIs and 3am leakage. Sometimes, your situation doesn’t allow for your partner to cum inside you.

That’s why squirting dildos are ideal for those wanting to indulge that internal ejaculation kink, and there are plenty of ways to do it. You can start your encounter with normal penetrative sex and finish off with the squirting dildo, or you can use the squirting dildo as the main course. The fun part of using a dildo for ejaculation is that you also decide what size you want your dildo to be. So, if you really want to get kinky, you can pick out a dildo an inch or two larger than your cock to use on your partner, if they so desire. That way, you can take their pleasure to another level after they’re already wet and stretched out from you or the toys you were using earlier, before finishing with a bang.

To add a kinky element to your usual routine.

If you’ve been with your partner for a while, chances are you’ve got a solid routine going. But what if you want to change it up with some bondage cuffs? Are you ready to try other sex toys? 

Maybe you’ve used dildos before, and they work great for you and your partner. Squirting dildos aren’t so far off from regular dildos – the only difference is the fact that you fill it up with your lubricant of choice, and hit a button when you want it to erupt. Whether you and/or your partner have a cock or not, there are tons of ways you can indulge in kinky play with these dildos.

Firstly, you can have your partner kneel in front of you while you shower their face with cum and delight in the erotic view of watching jizz drip down their face. If it’s a female-male couple, she can wear it on a harness and treat you to some pegging. You can also simply indulge in a creampie fantasy. If you want to change things up, a squirting dildo is a great place to start.

If you suffer from ED or premature ejaculation.

If you suffer from ED or premature ejaculation, squirting dildos may just be the perfect accessories to have on-hand to reduce pressure and allow you to still have a fun, sexy time with your partner. When you know that you have a back-up plan in case things don’t go as planned, you can relax and enjoy time spent with your lover instead of worrying about your performance.

You can use the squirting dildo in any way you like – strap it onto a harness, use it in-hand or suction cup it onto the floor and watch your partner turn you and themselves on as they ride it all the way to climax. Give the partner being penetrated control of the sperm reservoir (the bulb or syringe) so they can release the sperm right as they orgasm!

To role play having a threesome.

Threesomes aren’t for everyone, but there are some twosomes that may wonder what it would be like to have one. Better yet, what it would feel like. But not everyone is ready to introduce a third person into the bedroom, for a variety of reasons: jealousy, sexual health, or even just not being fully into it.

However, with a squirting dildo, you can enjoy all the perks of having a third party, without any issues that could come with it. Whether you stick it in your partner’s anus while you slip your cock into her vagina, or if you want to watch him suck on a dildo with a facial finish while you please him from behind, it can be incredibly sexy and stimulating to have one, two or even three cocks in the mix!

For females, there are some squirting dildos with suction cup bases so she can stick it onto the wall or window to simulate doggy while she pleasures you, or you can penetrate her vagina with the dildo while you finger her asshole for the ultimate dual climax, finishing her off with a lovely dose of warm cum all over her stomach. 

Whether you already own a squirting dildo or are planning to add one to your toy box sometime soon, I hope this article gives you some ideas on how to use it for some fun and kinky sex. 

What’s your favorite way to use a squirting dildo?

-Sponsored Post

Sex toy writer and reviewer for HotCherry. Kate covers everything from dildos to bdsm toys and everything in between.

Training/Discipline vs Punishment

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My ideal relationship is a 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange) D/s Dynamic where I am fully in alignment  with my submissive masochist who has chosen to serve me because that is exactly what she wants. She  chooses me to kneel before as a new action each day. My orientation is to enroll her in what I am up to  and for her to see the possibility of the dynamic that allows her to choose me to gift her submission to  because she wants to serve me. Another way of saying this is that she does what I want her to do  because she wants to do it. 

In this context, training my submissive to please me is as simple as making simple tweaks or suggestions  to her behavior to guide her as she reaches for perfection in her service. It is high order for her to  achieve her goal of pleasing me ongoingly. 

Let me offer one example. It pleases me a great deal that she kneels for me to put herself forward to be  used. In so doing, she invites me to take her, and to use her as I see fit. She is offering herself by gifting  her body and mind to me. Her presentation is particular. Before we played for the very first time, we  talked for months in detail about our perfect dynamic ideas, and what it would take for it to succeed in  creating it, and we talked about how to begin our total power exchange. I invited her to give me her  consent by putting herself forward to be claimed. We also talked about how during her claiming  ceremony she would be marked inside with piss and outside with a cane. The time came to begin when  she ended her marriage, and a space was created to start something new. We talked in detail over  months during which time my desire crystalized, and I shared with her my particular preference to have  her present herself in the Nadu pose. 

The first time she offered herself to me was the day she put herself forward to be claimed. Because it  was the first time, when she knelt for me, I noticed a few ways that she could improve her posture to  please me and recognized an opportunity to coach her. I gently corrected and adjusted her posture to assume the perfect Nadu pose. Knees apart, back straight, head lowered, hands resting in a relaxed  position, palms up, on her thighs. Perfect to my eye. Only one time since then, more than two years ago,  was I promoted to make a correction. I gently turned her hands over to perfect her pose. Now when she  kneels for me, and she offers herself to be used every single day, she assumes the pose perfectly and  she pleases me. With this simple action, she creates me.  

Part of her training includes taking on a new context for her life as she moved from an abusive marriage  where her context was one of survival, to our dynamic where she was being trained to live with freedom  and power and full self-expression. Naturally, that is a big lift in the best of circumstances.  

On occasion, because we live together in our 24/7 TPE dynamic, she would let her mind run away with  her as she reverted to the ordinary way of being. Because she was in an abusive marriage before we  met, something would come up between us, some issue or other that she would make meaning about.  This would inevitably create an upset or space between us. This is something we had agreed not to  allow. At the same time, I observed that this sort of upset tended to occur predictably when we had not  engaged in impact play for more than a few days. I thought about it, and it occurred to me that she  experienced total clarity for days after we engaged in intense impact play, and I made the determination that what she really needed was my daily attention as her Dom. I implemented a daily “maintenance  spanking” protocol which she agreed to, reluctantly at first, worrying about being what it would mean to  be spanked by her sadist every day. 

New actions lead to unexpected outcomes. What happened for her, is that she is now crystal clear about  how this new action has opened her exploration of her experience as a masochist and now she looks  forward to her spanking because in addition to fully expressing herself as a masochist, the spankings  lead to hot, hot sex and she experiences multiple orgasms every day. One result of our daily spanking  routine is a daily scene where her pussy, ass and mouth are used in addition to her having her ass  spanked red. It’s a very erotic and sexy daily experience and has furthered our dynamic bringing us closer together.  

She is trained to serve me during every waking hour and even in bed, where she cups my balls as we  share a daily gratitude practice, we often find that her nightly stroking of my cock turns into her gibing  me head, and she falls asleep with my taste on her lips after we roll over to spoon, falling asleep with my  hand holding her breast. 

Training my slut to please me is an ongoing process of enrolling her in being the submissive I want her to  be. Here is the important thing. There is never anything wrong. She never needs punishment because  she is a service slut who strives to please and if she fails, she punishes herself harder than anything I  could do. Remember, she is a masochist, so if I use impact to punish her, am I really punishing her? My  view is that a 24/7 dynamic training is ongoing as she strives to please me without fail. Given that she is  in an ongoing training paradigm, which is to gently prompt and coach required behaviors, the question  remains as to why, when and how I would choose to punish my submissive?  

Allow me to offer an example of a situation that occurred where punishment was required even though  she was in training. Early on she had made an agreement with me to not perve (access or read) my  messages without my permission. She broke her word and was out of integrity with me by accessing my Fetlife account one morning when I was still sleeping. She then spent the day making meaning out of a  few message exchanges she had read bits and pieces of. Because I leave my computer screens open and  often step away from my office (I work at home), we made the agreement requiring her to avoid taking  advantage of the access, and to be sure, it required some degree of self-discipline on her part not to  immediately revert to old familiar behavior out of a natural tendency to be suspicious. She did, after all,  live for decades with an abusive husband who repeatedly stepped out on her. 

While I understood her motivations, she had, nevertheless, indeed broken her agreement with me. A  break in integrity demands a consequence. In this case the strategy was to first teach her how to restore  her integrity with me. Restoring integrity is a necessary part of the process. First she had to identify and  state what action she took to break the agreement and fall out of integrity – she perved my messages – then what the impact of that was for me – a lack of trust, a feeling of being let down, disappointment,  etc, and for her, a feeling of letting me down, being untrustworthy, of knowing herself as someone  untrustworthy, and so forth, including how it made her feel to know herself as someone who breaks  agreements, and then she had to state what structure she would put in place to not have the broken  agreement occur again in the future – she made a commitment to not access my computer again – , and  finally there had to be a consequence. It is important to note that punishment never comes from a place of anger. It comes from a place of love. So I chose a punishment that would get her attention and be  limited in its scope and one that would give her time to assess her behavior. Figging. She was required to  go to the store and select a stem of ginger. Then she would come home, peel it and rough it up with a  fork to make it juicy. Then she would present it to me and request that I insert it for her and then she  tool a position kneeling on all fours as she repeated the request that I “place the ginger into her ass for  30 minutes so that she could contemplate her behavior.” 

Afterwards we talked with her kneeling at my feet, and she tearfully expressed thankfulness that she  was able to restore her Integrity. It was also the first time that she had ever been given a chance to  restore her integrity and she was very relieved that we could let the situation go completely with her integrity restored. 

Is corporal punishment ever legitimate as a routine way to interact with a submissive? Putting aside  masochists who choose hard impact play as their preferred kink, there is one consideration where  corporal punishment is legitimate in my mind. That is where a submissive has requested corporal  punishment as motivation for achieving a difficult discipline. For example, I had a submissive request  hard corporal punishment for failing to stay on course in the program I designed for her to improve her  health and fitness, modify her diet and reduce her alcohol intake. In this situation she agreed that she  would be on an escalating punishment schedule for each breach of agreement. Now keep in mind, we  used the integrity model, so she had to deal with restoring her integrity as well, BUT each transgression  escalated her punishment by 3 cane strokes. She was to present herself to be caned each week. Initially  we started with 3 strokes. So she got 3 strokes the first week and the second week, but by the third  week she started to revert to her old habits. So she got 6 strokes and when she failed to live up to her  agreement, 9 and so on. The idea was that there would be a level of weekly punishment where she  would choose to be her word rather than get additional punishment. In her case that number of strokes  was 15. Being caned 15x by a sadist with a heavy cane on her bare unprepared bottom while counting  out loud and holding her posture as she thanked me for each stroke was intense. She preferred not to  have more punishment than that. She was caned and then, she was required to kneel before me to  make a new agreement. As you can imagine, this was highly motivating for her. She would come to be  punished each week in order to motivate her, and 15 strokes kept her on track for better health. 

So, to summarize, training is a process without any negative input that is more akin to coaching. As a  coach of a team sport, you would not berate your players for small errors of not understanding, you  would teach them and coach them to perform. With a submissive, it’s the same thing, the difference is  that you are seeking an intimate partner who you want to be all in. You are seeking complete alignment. 

Be a coach. 

Punishment is only warranted when agreements are broken and it’s important that the punishment fit  the crime. A small break in integrity does not deserve the same punishment as a major transgression.  But most important, there must be resolution. It is important that punishment does not result in  resentment or space between you. Discipline using corporal punishment is a negotiated agreement. You  are really being the accountability buddy by using corporal punishment to enforce agreements. Both the  Dom and the sub must be on the same page. This is coaching at a very high level where in addition to the coaching guidance you offer your submissive, you are also responsible for her motivation and also  for holding her accountable. 

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground 

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Why I Find Feminization Fantasies Insulting

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

A very popular fantasy among submissive men, is the desire to be “forced” to be dressed like a woman.  Whenever I’ve heard this fantasy, I’ve challenged it: Why do men feel that dressing like a woman is  humiliating or degrading? They say they worship women, but then feel that being more like one is an  embarrassment. 

I’ve heard lots of reasoning based on what it’s like to grow up being a man – and the stresses of retaining  and demonstrating masculinity. That only a very powerful force would make a man go against that  masculinity – and therefore, is exciting to the man if he is made to be that way. 

My attitude has always been, live and let live – if someone gets turned on by it, then fine…let them. It’s  just not for me – and my submissives will not be engaging in it. Your kink is not my kink…and move on. I  still do feel that way, but I’ve always disliked the fantasy and found it denigrating…but I never really  could put my finger on exactly why it bothered me.  

Then, this morning, I was reading a post on FetLife from a friend of mine, @Miss_Malloree, who said: 

Am I the only one who’s noticed that there are very few men who fantasize about  being the woman who breaks through the glass ceiling at a major corporation, or  who owns and successfully manages a professional sports franchise, or who is elected president? As others have commented, they all seem to envision themselves  as being at the bottom of the food chain, rather than the top. 

And I said, “Holy Crap!” 

This is it…this is at the crux of why the fantasy is so distasteful to me. Maybe you’ve always seen this,  but for me, this was a revelation. 

The fantasy most submissive men have regarding cross dressing, is to become the “Sissy”, the “Slut”, the  “Maid”, the “Prostitute”, the “Geisha”. They’re not just pretending to be any woman, they’re pretending  to be a particular type of woman – one who is not high-achieving, or well thought of in society. They are  highlighting the (as Malloree says) bottom of the food chain. 

What that says to me is that, this is what these men really feel women are. Oh, I’m sure they’ll argue  that they recognize that women are successful and capable, smart and intelligent – but in reality – when  push comes to shove – women are maids, sluts, and sex-objects. Malloree suggested female corporate  executives and business people, but the fantasy falls short of even middle tier jobs: Teachers, Scientists,  Fire or Police professionals. No…they are going to be dressed up, overly made up, loose…forced to  “suck cock”. That’s the imagery they have – and they want – consciously, or sub-consciously.

Worse still, the presumption is that a dominant woman, given all the power that she has, will want to  convert him into that type of woman…as a means to embarrass him! 

I can hear the argument: That the lower level role is part of the humiliation. Sorry – I’m not buying it.  Why the focus on gender? Why not just be turned into a lower-class man? Forced to be a gigolo, or a  bum? No…this is LINKED to a gender swap. This is about weakness and vulnerability as a function of  being a woman. Being a man in this position is not low enough. They are implying that a lower-class  woman is lower on the food chain than a lower-class man. The lowest of the low. 

I have come to realize that the fantasy highlights what these men really feel about women. I’ve always  known the fantasy was insulting – but never quite understood why I felt that way. Now, I have clarity. I  wanted to share this with you and would love your thoughts! 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.

The Importance Of Aftercare

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When negotiating a scene, an aspect which can often be forgotten (especially with new people) is aftercare. It can be entirely too easy to overlook, as it can often seem as such a natural cap, good or bad. Why would you possibly need to discuss it ahead of time; it’ll just happen, right?

But no, it might not. Also there’s more than one way to aftercare, and not everybody’s going to agree on what’s right or wrong. And there’re some for whom aftercare isn’t even necessary.

Aftercare, for the record, is the physical/emotional cartaking that occurs after a scene, usually for the sub, but also for the Dom. It can vary in intimacy and intensity depending on the relationship between the two, the intensity of the scene, or simply the overall environment.

But why is aftercare necessary? Because a BDSM scene tends to be an intense, superchaged, and traumatic experience, especially for the sub. Sure, it’s usually cathartic as well, but it can still put someone through the wringer; sort of how running a few miles can make you feel great, but you’ll still need that period of cooldown (and maybe a shower) before you can feel relatively back to normal.

Again, different people, different scenes, can require different sorts of aftercare. But a good rule of thumb involves a few simple checkpoints:

– Check everyone over for physical injuries that need to be tended to immediately. There may be cuts that need bandaging, bruises that require icing, or burns that require salves. While I’ve never personally had a scene this physically intense, YMMV. 

– Support them (as they may be shaky), walking them to an area where you can both sit together, snuggling as needed. They’ll probably need a blanket to wrap themselves up with. Be certain to have water handy.

– Sit quietly until they come back to the land of the living. Even if they’ve been happily ensconced in subspace they’ll need varying degrees of time to return to reality.

– Once they’re lucid, engage them in some light conversation. Perhaps discuss the scene about what you both liked and disliked. But don’t expect any heavy conversation at this point.

– Finally, get both of yourselves dressed and clean up your playspace (if you haven’t had someone to do this for you already). Now’s a good time to hit the buffet or the fridge, as some people are absolutely ravenous after a good scene. And always be sure that you both hydrate!

– Later you may want to chat further and in-depth regarding your scene together. I’ve found these sorts of conversations to be extremely helpful.

– The next day, call or send a text to see how they’re doing. Even if you’re not trying to set up a long-term relationship, this is the sort of followup you really should engage in, so tell them ahead of time and see that they’re alright with it. Many subs aren’t aware of the sort of subdrop they’ll face the day after a scene. Different sorts of foods can help alleviate this (chocolate is often a good one).

Of course, there are many variants on all this. The time required can be anywhere from five to 30 minutes (or more). Some people require little to no aftercare (although the latter is very rare in my experience). Sometimes there’s a third party involved who’ll take on some or all of the aftercare duties (such as a Dom or Master of their own). And depending on the intimacy of the couple, some parts may be omitted, or become much more intense.

Regardless of how you do it, aftercare is an extremely important part of any scene, and should always be a critical part of your negotiations. 

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

Consensual Non-Consent In BDSM/Kink

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Webster’s defines “oxymoron” as “a combination of contradictory or incongruous words”. Examples include such things as original copy, freezer burn, genuine fake, quiet roar, controlled chaos, silent scream, terribly good, passive aggressive, random order, and jumbo shrimp (some would put military intelligence in there as well).

And then there’s “nonconsenual consent”. What the hell does that mean? isn’t it dangerous? How can that possibly be safe, sane, and… ehrrr… consensual?

The simplest answer is that nonconsensual consent is, essentially, rape play (another oxymoron). It’s where you and a partner engage in a scene that mimics a sexual assault… within the parameters you both set.

Now let’s set this out at the beginning; this is a potentially dangerous and dark corner of BDSM that isn’t for everyone and, even for those it is, shouldn’t be entered into lightly. It’s been my experience that many gals who claim they’re looking for rape play have actually been raped; engaging in a controlled, pretend form of it could well be cathartic, or it could be horribly disastrous.

It’s certainly advanced play and definitely a deep end you shouldn’t jump into during your learning period of the scene. It also requires (typically long-term) partners who understand and intuit each other very well, as often the scene will go beyond simple negotiations, into areas and feelings you may not have been able to initially comprehend.

All parties involved need to have a deep understanding and comprehension of, and be very good at “reading”, each other. This is particularly important for the top (the rape-er) with regards to the bottom (the rape-ee). 

You really can’t engage in too much preparation, as nonsensual consent isn’t something to be entered into lightly. If a scene goes south it can get very ugly very quickly. It’s not like hitting someone in the wrong spot; this can leave seriously psychological damage if done improperly.

Not that this sort of scene necessarily involve only two people. Indeed, if the bottom wants to be truly physically subdued while they’re fighting back, then at least two tops need to be involved.

It’s important to discuss ahead of time what each of you is hoping to achieve from the scene, emotionally and physically. And it’s perhaps even more important to have a safe word or gesture in place should things get too intense. Because it’s been my experience that they can become very, very intense.

Also, since roughly 70-80% of women have actually been raped to some degree, it’s vitally important to be aware of any triggers which may be present, and avoid them at all costs.

And this brings us to the rules, of which there aren’t any, at least ones that are set in stone. Some won’t want their face slapped, others will. Some won’t want a knife involved, others will want to be cut. Some won’t want physical violence, others will relish the pain and resulting bruises. 

Then there’s what the top is looking for. Some will enjoy physically restraining someone who’s fighting back, others won’t. Some will want a bottom who’s fighting back, others will want a more passive victim. Some will enjoy name calling, others will prefer to be more genteel (at least as genteel as a pretend-rapist can be I suppose).

As mentioned, scenes can be as simple as a one-on-one between two partners, all the way to a full-on abduction, where the bottom is grabbed off the street, trussed up in a filthy van, and dragged away to an unknown location to have who-knows-what done to them (said who-knows-what having been negotiated ahead of time).

It should be added that the latter sort of scene requires a tremendous amount of planning with skilled, experienced tops. At its most basic level, you don’t want to be seen abducting someone in broad daylight, as most citizens will tend to dial 911. And explaining things to the police will harsh your buzz pretty quick. 

Myself, I’ve only engaged in this sort of scene a handful of times, having found that it’s an itch that can be scratched relatively easily. Still, they were all very intense and satisfying, for both parties involved. They all tended to be of a type, one of which I can share as an example.

The victim, a gal I had been intimate with for some small time, agreed to be wrapped securely and inescapably in large amounts of duct tape, over clothing which was no longer terribly viable; indeed, it needed to be tossed out. Since neither of us cared for the wrestle-someone-into-bondage scenario, we agreed that she’d wake up already bound and gagged.

Enter myself, the villian. Armed only with a pair of scissors I was to cut her clothing off such that she’d be sexually available while still keeping her securely bound & gagged. And this I did do with great gusto. I took special pains to ensure that when I grabbed her shirt and bra to cut them off, I also grabbed her nipple by “accident” and pretended I was going to cut it off as well. She later admitted that she’d almost safe worded here, she was so terrified.

She, of course, fought back as best she could, but I’d tied her so she couldn’t engage in very much of that. Still, a lot of wrestling was involved; we both got pretty good workouts. There wasn’t much clothing left that wasn’t attached to duct tape.

In the end I cut off enough of her pants and undies such that I had full availability of her lady parts which, unlike in an actual rape, were extremely well lubricated. For the record, it is entirely possible to enter a lady whose legs are tied if you pull her knees towards her chest and come in from behind. 

After, releasing her took very little time, as duct tape is easy to cut off, and it was mostly attached to her clothing. We had both found it very satisfying, if exhausting.

Of course, what tripped our triggers may leave you cold. Only you and a willing partner(s) can decide what you’re looking for, if this is even something you’re interested in. I certainly don’t recommend it for everyone and it shouldn’t necessarily be on your kinky bucket list.

Still, if it’s something you might find intriguing, find a partner, do your research, get to know each other, and perhaps give it a go. But be careful! This is not the sort of scene that is terriby forgiving should things go south.

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

Spicing Up Poly Relationships

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It takes two to tango, but with the proper consent and just the right amount of kink,  polyamorous relationships may just be one of the best ways to enjoy satisfying sex. 

Want to take it to another level? Want a different way to enjoy this type of sexual setup? Here are some hot suggestions to try out!

Role Plays

It all begins in the mind when it comes to sexual satisfaction. And when it comes to multiple partners, communication and chemistry are both equally important in getting that thrill.

Which is why role playing may just be the thing to level up this kink. Fancy being a dom? Talk with your partners on possibly living out this fantasy. Want to play out a particular scene that’s been bugging you ever since? Talk it out with your partners! Have you ever wanted to be someone (or something) when spending time with your partners? Maybe it’s time to plan and make these dreams into reality.

Role playing, when planned and done properly, can bring in a different kind of thrill even before the actual deed. Think of this as a mental form of foreplay—it’s a different approach to having some sexy time with your partners.

Bottom line is, proper and constant communication (which will always be an important trait in polyamorous relationships) is essential to fun and successful role plays. You want not only consent with your partners. Planning the setting (even your individual characters’ personalities) can even be a satisfying act that will make you and your partners look forward to the role play.

Costume Fun

Role plays can be enjoyed in a much more satisfying manner with the use of costumes. The clothes make the man (or woman), and taking off these articles of clothing is just part of some sexy-time fun.

Costumes are essential to getting into a particular character’s or role’s head. This rings true especially if your personality is the total opposite of the role you’re pursuing. Articles of clothing will help you get into the right mindset.

Additionally, certain costumes can be incorporated straight right into the sexual act. Do you dream of being a sub? Perhaps having some leather and straps built into your costume can prove your obedience to your masters.

Do you want to totally play the part of dominating your partners? Perhaps a cock sheath can give you the length, girth, and confidence for a whole new sexual experience. Women may also want to experiment with strap-ons, if the scene calls for a twist or two.

In a way, costumes are more than just clothing to play a certain character. Costumes build up toward a certain sexual goal. These clothes may just be another form of an interesting type of foreplay.

BDSM

Unleash sexual satisfaction among your partners through BDSM. Essentially a higher level of role-playing and costume play, BDSM introduces several forms of erotic enjoyment that you and your partners may seek their kinks from, such as collar play and spanking (there are, actually, a whole lot more).

What makes BDSM acts a higher level of sexual bliss is, ironically, the fact that some plays do not even involve any penetration at all. It’s all about the power play that makes these plays such an orgasmic activity—again, everything begins in the mind when it comes to sexual satisfaction.

An example is suspension bondage. Having your partner (or yourself) strapped and blatantly displayed in their glory requires a high level of trust and consent. The top takes pleasure in tying up partners; subs enjoy being willing toys for their masters to play with.

These displays of power offer an interesting take when it comes to multiple partners, which we’ll expound on below.

Experiment with Group Play

As we’ve mentioned earlier, trust, communication, and consent are important in making polyamorous relationships work. The first three suggestions on spicing up these types of relationships all revolve around open communication.

Now, take everything together, and talk to your partners about doing something fun together. Doing a scene together with multiple partners may be so satisfying, just as long proper consent and rules are set beforehand.

Additionally, this approach may require some experimentation. Going with the group dynamics, would you and your partners be open to LGBTQIA+ setups? How far are you and your partners willing to go with these scenes? Are there any limitations that any one of you would like to discuss?

And this is just why it would be best to sit down and talk with all your partners. You’ll want everyone to know what you want out of these fantasies. You’ll want to be as transparent as possible when it comes to getting really good sex. You want everyone not only to be satisfied but also to be both comfortable and safe with these activities.

Best of all, you’ll want to find out what they think of these kinks you have. Who knows, they may even have better suggestions in mind. The thing is, what you’re after is not only everyone’s consent. Everyone enjoys something if everyone can be true to one another. Now, that is the key to wonderful and hot polyamorous relationships.

Talk It Out

The most important aspect of getting the best sexual kinks from polyamorous relationships is to openly communicate your desires. You won’t get something for nothing. Your fantasies will remain your dreams if you won’t act on them.

Like consent and trust, respect plays an important part when discussing sexual matters with your partners. Your kinks may not be of interest to some, and that is okay. Learn how to listen, and realize that others may have other kinks they want to live out. 

When you learn to open up, listen with grace when your partners open up about their interests; you may just find yourself willing to try new things. And isn’t that an exciting way to enjoy sex? Take some time to talk things over with your partners—that just maybe one of the best things you’ll do in your life.

In her 30s and married, Jennifer McKinnon writes mainly on sexual health for the Enhanced Male and other websites. Jennifer’s goal is to promote better sexual awareness by being self-aware and practicing responsible sex.

Low Protocol And Power Exchange

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It began in baby steps.  Our dynamic was very much an experiment, with each movement forward and each step of the way tested before the full weight of the relationship was brought to bear upon it. 

It was a scary amount of power to give up.  I came into the relationship a business owner, and began a second venture about a year in.  Handing the metaphorical reins over to another when my hard work of years was on the line was a truly terrifying thing to even contemplate.   It came part and parcel of our TPE, however, and I had to trust that he would allow me to continue to make decisions without his interference.

Part of owning a business is having to interact with others in various ways, be it as the customer service representative who is discussing a potential order, as the cashier handling payment, as the scheduler booking classes, as the manager attending to someone’s satisfaction, as the artisan building product and providing updates, or in educational capacities, both online and in-person.  That’s a lot of hats, and they require a certain amount of freedom of action on my part.  It has necessitated trust on his part that I would make decisions and behave in ways of which he would approve without having to have specific protocols in place to govern those actions.

As someone who has grown to become firmly embedded in my local community, I see an incredibly wide variety of levels of protocol.  Some are required to ask prior to leaving the presence of their master, some are required to follow protocols which govern their interactions with others in various settings.  Perhaps it is a set protocol involving carrying packages or interacting with waitstaff or asking permission prior to speaking and touching friends or strangers within kink settings.  Interestingly enough (and this is a conversation I have had with friends on occasion, because many of us are fascinated by the differences in how relationships are built), many of the dynamics I have observed which involve a small business seem to run with a lower degree of formality and protocol, perhaps out of that same necessity.

If I must receive permission to speak to individuals prior to doing so, even ones of specified gender, and my partner is away from our vendor table, I would quickly become ineffective as a merchant.  I would be unable to answer questions or complete a sale.  The same holds true of online interactions.  It would effectively make the business I run hobbled during his regular work hours until he could handle the aspects I was not permitted to attend to without him.  That would lead to additional stress, and I ask a great deal of him as my business partner already.  While he does make those decisions, he has chosen to leave many of the finer details up to me, limiting the majority of his participation to financial decisions such as inventory purchases, and to customer interactions in order to keep me from using my energy and focus up in those areas rather than in completing projects.

The leaves much of our dynamic very informal, from a protocol standpoint.  Fortunately, that works well for our personalities and the way we fit together.  While I sometimes feel that our low protocol interactions can be mistaken for a more casual relationship, which can bring with it a feeling of being less than, I remind myself that some of those stares may be from envy for what may appear to be a higher level of freedom. 

Make no mistake, however.  He holds full authority over me, regardless of the appearance of casualness our low protocol level may give outsiders.  It is so important for us all to remember that each relationship, each dynamic forms as it works best for the individuals in question.  For some, that may mean there are specific rituals and protocols dictating large portions of their actions.  For others, such as us, that total power exchange may rely more on the granted authority of the top-of-slash rather than any formalized behaviors.  We all have to determine what works best for us as individuals and as couples or relationship groups, and build from that foundation.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Keeping Our Community Saf-er During the Pandemic

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These are unprecedented times indeed. Regardless of where people stand in regards to the pandemic itself, one thing we should be able to agree on is the impact it is having on our kink communities. Individuals are struggling with finances, and dungeons who rent or own space are likely struggling to maintain the financial commitment for these spaces without large events funding them.

I have been peripherally involved with some local efforts to create safer ways to restart events, though most of the credit for the hard work of researching and implementing has to go to the local dungeon owner here. The strategies we’ve adopted here may be helpful to others who are looking for ways to kink outside of their homes in safer ways, or who are struggling to maintain their spaces.

Handle Immediate Financial Need

Our first step was mid-May/June when we realized this was going to seriously impact whether or not our dungeon would still be in existence when all of this does finally resume some semblance of normality. We opened a Go Fund Me and dropped the link in our local community space. It was truly humbling to to watch people respond with an outpouring of support in the midst of feeling powerless. Every single donation was appreciated and we raised enough to maintain the rental space through the end of 2020 in that opening drive.

Some of that money went to upgrading the space in ways to make it safer, such as hand sanitizer units, a digital thermometer, a heavy duty sprayer to clean with, and a plexiglass shield for the check-in area. The rest went to keeping the rent current until virus urgency level started to recede in our region. Plans began being made for what we affectionately refer to as LAT parties, or limited attendance and time.

Once we felt safe enough, we rolled out the plan and gave community members opportunities to discuss and make suggestions before any implementation. The owner consulted local experts in the medical field and in engineering and sanitization at every step. He has made transparency his goal, from the way the money is spent, to what all of his procedures are. That transparency has helped people feel safer attending events, since it means they know exactly what to expect.

Opening the Dungeon Again

For indoor events, such as any rope classes or dungeon events there is a clear procedure. Tickets are purchased in advance through Square, which allows an individual to keep their anonymity and credit card information safe, but allows for a comment to be dropped with the user’s scene name so the dungeon knows who will be attending. Attendance is limited to ten individuals, since that was the recommendation as of the time of planning. Any new attendees are sent the membership form and covid waiver that discusses the recommendations for how to handle contact tracing in the event of any incidents (don’t mention fight club, if it is necessary, please contact dungeon owner and he can let others know they need to go for testing). Leading to the door, waiting spots are marked six feet apart. People can peek in the window to see if the prior group is clear of the entryway before entering. Masks are absolutely required while people area present in the building.

Upon entering, guests have a touchless hand sanitizer unit immediately to their right, and are expected to use it prior to moving into the space. They are then greeted and announce their name for verification on the list and to confirm they returned their forms. Stepping forward, the person manning the plexiglass enclosure can remain behind it while reaching around to digitally check the temperatures of each attendee. The CDC states that a reading of 100.4 constitutes a fever, so anyone with a reading there or above is asked to leave (though that has not happened to date). Attendees are then expected to leave the entryway and go down the hallway to the dungeon area.

The dungeon area has been modified from its pre-covid layout. The setup was workable before to allow for whip space between furniture, but has been adjusted to take half of the furniture temporarily out of commission. Those pieces have been turned around or otherwise adjusted so that it clear they are not for use. With a maximum of five couples having scenes at one time, there are a few more pieces available than people, which allow for some equipment choices.

Individuals are permitted to allot their time however they please. They can watch others scenes, they can socialize, or they can choose to indulge in their own scenes. As their time slot nears to a close, a ten minute warning is announced to allow people to wrap up scenes and pack their gear. Once everyone is out, the owner dons protective gear and thoroughly disinfects the entire space with a spray that should not be touched or inhaled, and then clears out for a minimum of twenty minutes, as recommended for usage of that chemical. The sessions are scheduled in two hour blocks with a thirty minute window for cleaning between them.

Because people have freedom to purchase tickets, but they are limited to 10 available ones, a group looking to make sure they are only sharing space with one anther can purchase the entire block of ten when dates and times are released and basically have a private event. For those with immunocompromised partners, that option can be sanity-saving.

Restarting Vendor Events

Because vendor events typically have more of a revolving door type atmosphere, we struggled some with finding the right balance of safety in order to comfortably begin holding those again. For vendors of kink gear and implements, some of them are truly hurting right now after ten months of few to no options when it comes to in-person events. Often, those in-person events tend to be hugely important for clientele, particularly newer community members who may not know what to expect in regards to appearance or quality of offerings. Being able to see and touch items is a vital part of their education, and a piece that has been noticeably absent this year.

We decided to hold our events outdoors, and to require masks. We release an informational document with safety info at the time of advertising these events. We are clear that face shields may not be used as a substitute for masks, due to the most recent research available. Additionally, we hold it in the dungeon’s gated lot so we can limit attendance to two individuals per vendor, and do thermometer checks. We have a security person and someone handling an outdoor handwashing station, stocked by a local soapmaker. Additionally, each vendor has a bottle of hand sanitizer on their table and requires people to use it prior to making contact with any merchandise.

Vendors occupy parking spaces to make things simple. Ones with larger vehicles (vans mostly) park next to the gate to block the view of anyone walking past. They set up tables in the parking spot directly next to their vehicle and are able to space it as they like. Some bring canopies. By alternating car – vendor – car – vendor, we are able to space vendors out nine feet plus add a blockade of the vendor’s car. Vendors remain masked for the duration of the event. One person or germ group may shop a given vendor at a time. A second may wait six feet distant until that group has finished. Additional interested shoppers must browse elsewhere or wait outside of the gate, physically distanced. We encourage anyone who wants to crack a whip to briefly step inside, but other than that and brief bathroom visits, the event is able to operate fully outdoors.

Our first event went well. We didn’t have a high number of attendees, but the ones who came clearly had full intention to purchase from our local people. All the vendors felt satisfied that they were safe and also able to accommodate shoppers. Vending fees are minimal and go directly to the dungeon to help make sure it continues to operate as we move forward.

Neither event is perfect. They don’t have huge attendance. Some people are unwilling to use masks during play and choose not to attend the dungeon events. Some are unwilling to wear them outdoors and choose not to attend the vendor events. Others feel both events are still beyond their risk profile and also choose not to attend. We support their choices either way, but have to move forward in ways that provide the highest level of comfort and safety to the highest percentage of our kink community’s population. As things change, we are doing our best to change with them.

Do you have any additional safety measures your community is taking? Feel free to let us know in the comments.

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Learning to Orgasm On Command

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

Today, I’m going to go over a technique that I’ve been teaching for many years. Those who have read my books will likely recognize it. The technique is designed to help a submissive learn how to come on  command. This is not some mystical, mind-washing, magic trick; it’s a methodology that helps a sub get  in better touch with their body’s orgasm cycle, so that they can control it well enough to orgasm at a  particular moment.  

The Methodology 

The methodology requires a partner, who ends up being in control of the eventual orgasm. Logically,  the dominant will play this role – but I suppose it doesn’t have to be the dominant. For argument’s sake,  and since most people reading this essay are in (or want to be in) power-based relationships, I’m going  to assume it’s the dominant helping the sub learn to orgasm on command. 

The goal is to achieve orgasm on a countdown. The dominant will count from a chosen number and the  sub will reach orgasm EXACTLY as the dominant reaches zero. Over time and familiarity, the starting  number is decreased, until the sub’s required preparation time is minimized. The final goal will depend  on the physical capabilities of the submissive, but most everyone I’ve tried this with was able to achieve  some level of countdown “perfection.”

The process starts with the submissive stimulating themselves. We do this because it gives the  submissive control of the pace and pressure of stimulation. It will be easiest, in the beginning for the  sub to be thoroughly excited and even teased to some degree before you start. You want the sub to be  able to orgasm relatively easily. In the beginning, the dominant can even ask the sub if they’re ready to  start the process.  

We start with a very aroused submissive who is stimulating themselves, relatively close to orgasm: 

The dominant picks a number; something like 20; and begins to steadily count down to zero. The count  should be evenly paced, and reasonably slow. The goal for the submissive is to start to come when the  dominant says “zero” – not before zero; not 15 seconds after zero; but starting to orgasm AT zero. 

As the dominant is counting, the sub regulates themselves towards their orgasm. If the sub feels  themself approaching orgasm too soon, they need to stop stimulation, so that they don’t come – while  the dominant continues to count at the same, steady, pace. The sub then tries to pick up again to  attempt to still come at zero.  

If the sub does not begin to orgasm as the dominant reaches zero, the sub has to stop stimulation,  immediately. The sub’s objective isn’t to come before zero or after zero, the orgasm has to be starting AT zero – if not, stop. 

If the sub doesn’t come at zero, the dominant lets the sub calm down a little and then decides if they’re going to get another chance right away, or not. This is completely at the dominant’s discretion (another  reason why this works nicely for a power dynamic). If the dominant decides not to try again right away, 

the sub will get another chance at another time – but, for this technique to work best, the sub must not  be allowed to orgasm in between attempts. The key here is that the sub either makes it, or waits until  they eventually do.  

The next time the technique is tried, the dominant can start at the same number – or, if they feel that  the starting number was too low, a higher number. The goal is not to frustrate the sub (that will come  later ), the objective is to help the sub make this work. We want the sub to learn their orgasm cycle. 

Eventually, the sub will learn the feel of their orgasm and figure out how to get to a point and hold off  going too far. They will determine how long it takes to get from that holding point to orgasm – which will  become the point in the countdown where they’ll really start to approach orgasm. Every sub will be  different. For my husband, that magic number is 4. He knows that he can hit a holding point and then,  when I get down to 4 in my count, he switches his mindset and can achieve perfect timing. 

Once, does not perfection make. Once the sub gets this right, do it again and again. They will get pretty  good at it, eventually. Once they start to be consistently able to hit zero from a particular number, the  dominant can start at a lower number, 15, 10, or any number down to the sub’s hold point. You may not  make it a couple of times before the process works at a lower number – but the hold point will be the  same and so the sub will find themselves able to achieve shorter countdowns very quickly. 

Once consistently on time while the sub is stimulating themselves, switch to the dominant doing the  stimulation. This opens a whole different situation for the submissive, because they have less control of  the intensity of the stimulation. They also need to communicate to tell the dominant to stop stimulation in the event that they are approaching orgasm too soon – or request for more stimulation if they’re not  quite in position (which opens the door for some interesting “tease and beg” scenarios).  

I have found that, if the sub is well-controlled at self-stimulation, they will adapt to being stimulated  very quickly; much sooner than you may think.  

Once the sub has mastered control while being stimulated, you can extend the technique to all types of  stimulation – including intercourse. 

The Benefits 

There are a number of benefits to having a submissive who can control the timing of their orgasm. First  of all, having so much awareness of their orgasm cycle allows them to last longer as well as not take too  long. These will make them better lovers. It will allow them to spend more focus on their dominant’s pleasure and time their release(s) (assuming they’re allowed to have them) with their dominant. 

There is also the added benefit of knowing exactly where your sub is along the path to their orgasm – making Tease and Denial games even more effective. If you know your sub is going to orgasm exactly at  zero, then, where will they be at 3; or 2; or 1? You can time denial for a perfect frustration – or for  ruined orgasms by stopping at the right number. 

The “Please Stop” game fits perfectly in on top of this. If you’ll recall (from my previous essays or from  my books), the sub is required to ask to stop stimulation 5 seconds before they orgasm. If they’ve  mastered this technique, they will already know EXACTLY when they’re 5 seconds away from orgasm. If  you, as the dominant, decide not to stop, and you start the 5 second countdown, you know the sub will be able to regulate for orgasm at zero. It won’t matter what type of sexual position you’re in or what  activity you are doing. 

Wrapping Up 

This technique is both doable and effective. It takes some time for the sub to master, but it is absolutely  within the reach of most. It’s effective for all genders and makes for a great control game. I hope you  try it and tell me how it goes! 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Conversations Around Mental Health

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These times, am I right? If you’d asked me five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined the person I am today, let alone that this is what my daily life would look like. That’s a difficult thing for just about anyone, let alone overplanners like me.

I’ve always been someone who is pretty even-tempered. Most of my friends have never seen me angry, and I’m often the cheerful one. My partner and I don’t have many areas where friction is likely to occur, and on the off chance that some does, we have systems in our D/s that are designed to handle them.

It’s a good life.

I set this up not to brag, but to make it clear that my struggles with mental health issues since March have been unexpected and completely new territory for us as partners, and for us in the larger framework of our poly sphere. This isn’t to say that I haven’t had issues in my life which needed addressing, but anxiety, depression and other spectres which can be treated chemically were virtual unknowns.

The pandemic has been a learning experience for me, for us, in so many ways. I have the ability to work remotely. It limits my income and my hours, but I made that transition mid-March, shortly after spring break, when my partner also made the transition. We went from seeing one another a few hours every day to sharing office space every single day. That feels as though it requires emphasis. Every. Single. Day.

I’ve read articles that say part of our (as a society) difficulties in relationships are partly because of high stress levels which make people more agitated and partly because when we never leave one another, we can’t miss each other. We don’t have those times to reminisce about the good qualities our partners have, just the constant annoyances.

I’ve been lucky in that area. My nesting partner has few qualities I find obnoxious, so my main struggles have been with fear. I fear the unknown, I fear him contracting the virus and dying, I fear death, and I am afraid of what tomorrow will look like.

In the beginning, that made getting out of bed difficult. I found myself trying to sleep more, or burying my head in a mindless phone game to avoid having to think too much, since thinking always led back to the inevitable unknown. It was a pretty vicious cycle. I devoured news articles since for me, knowlege tends to help me feel more in-control. My partner saw that I was not okay. He began limiting my news intake by making me take time off from those things, hoping to help me find a more even keel. I was having small anxiety attacks when I grocery shopped, so he began finding delivery options that limited my interactions outside of the house. His other partner was isolating for weeks before coming to see him to make sure she wasn’t bringing deadly germs into the house. iMy anxiety levels were off the charts and I had no idea what to do. He saw that I was less productive, but it can be difficult enough to admit to ourselves when we’re not fine, let alone finding the words to admit it to someone else.

It wasn’t until the dam broke that I reached out for help. I had made it through a month and a half of the stormy seas of heightened anxiety when we learned that my daughter would have to return to work in a job which required her to come into physical contact with other people. I started crying and I couldn’t stop, and finally called my general practitioner seeking some kind of medicinal intervention. He prescribed a stopgap, and I finally had to sit down with my partner and try to put my feelings into words.

We moved out that weekend, into a living situation which better lent itself to isolating. We collected the vulnerable members of our family and shored up against outsiders. We left my daughter in our house, and I only had to take the anxiety meds when I left the house to collect groceries. We waited for any word that masks were effective, finally running across a test case of live exposure with the potential for superspread, only to have it bumped from the news. We searched for weeks for more information, relieved beyond measure when it came. It was finally safe to return home.

Going home didn’t mean my anxiety was gone. It meant my partner had to keep an eye on me for signs that I might need to medicate. I explored other possibilities, such as counseling, but talking about my anxieties only served to exacerbate them.

My partner began scheduling time for us in a friend’s pool. It was the most human interaction outside of one another that we’d had for months. We’d go swim, and it was like the stress and anxiety melted away, giving us back our humanity for just a little while. It was like lancing a wound – the poison seeped out. It wasn’t healed, but it improved dramatically.

We’ve had to find ways to steal pieces of “normal.” We’ve found that being able to do so safely has been hugely important to my mental health. As it got cold enough that the pool was less attractive, we moved to the occasional indoor game night with those friends, who were also isolating. We added two other friends to our QuaranTeam, our Perv Pod, and we made arrangements to attend our local dungeon together. The space seemed awfully empty, but before too long, the delicious sounds of four bottoms screeching at non-regular intervals and the cracks of whips and sounds of other impact filled the space in ways our physical presence could not.

Our vacation was cancelled, unsurprisingly. So we made plans with that same group to rent a house on the water down south, drove in a caravan, stopped for groceries, and spent a few days taking turns with cooking, playing board games, and fishing off of the back deck of the house. We are finding ways to regain our joy.

I still have to take my anxiety meds. My Dominant makes sure to keep track of how often I need them, and if it starts becoming more frequent, to check on my mental state more regularly. He’s relaxed some rules for the duration of this – I’m allowed more stuffies in the bed as long as the pile stays on my side, and he let me get a new wardrobe of super fluffy pajama pants to work in.

I still don’t know what tomorrow will look like. I try not to think too hard about that. We’re tentatively planning Thanksgiving with our Germ Pod. Even though I cried when I realized the rest of my family wouldn’t be able to join us, it’s better than it could be, and better than it was back in early June.

I know it can be hard to admit it, but it is so important to ccommunicate mental health challenges to partners. There are so many resources out there, help is available. It just takes sliding one foot forward for that very first step. ‘

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.