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Home » Article - Slave Bunny

Article - Slave Bunny

Poly Do’s and Don’ts

June 6, 2020 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

Hello lovely readers! Below is a list of Poly Do’s and Don’ts that I have found most helpful when practicing ethical non-monogamy.

  • Be unapologetically poly- Don’t minimize your poly lifestyle due to fear of a new potential partner not being on-board with your other partners or anything else related to your brand of ethical non-monogamy. Be honest from the get-go. This will help to manage surprises for all involved and allow potential partners to make informed decisions.
  • Know your deal breakers– It’s important that you know upfront what is and is not important to you. Furthermore, it’s important for those dealbreakers to be communicated early on. Often when people first start seeing someone they don’t want to be a “problem” or have serious conversations. However, it’s paramount to have these talks upfront to avoid wasting time and to make sure that everyone is on the same page. For example, if you are not comfortable with dating someone who has a partner that has veto power (the ability to nix another relationship), this is important info to talk about upfront before you get the feels for this person. This also goes hand in hand with being vocal about what your potential partner can expect from you regarding what time you have to give, level of commitment you are willing to give, etc. Again, it’s integral to be upfront about these things right away. Assumptions, most likely, will work against you. 
  • Time management is key– Scheduling and organization is a must. Most poly folks tend to plan far out. Make sure you are taking time for yourself, hobbies, friends, family, downtime etc. Many folks (especially when they first become poly) catch the “poly frenzy” and overextend themselves with dates. It’s always necessary to cater to yourself and your prior interests and commitments even in the throes of NRE (new relationship energy, which is essentially the rosy honeymoon phase in the first 6 months- a year of a relationship).
  • Hone your compartmentalizing skills-In life and in poly one can experience many things at once such as a breakup and a fantastic new relationship. In most cases. it’s unfair to spend time with a partner venting about your break up and how awful the other partner is/was. However, I am in NO way saying that you should hide breakups from partners. I think in most cases it’s important for all partners to know this info. However, it’s a lot different telling a partner “I want to let you know that person x and I broke up” vs. “They are such a loser. I don’t know what I ever saw in them.”
  • Do the self- work– Below are some questions to ask yourself relating to poly. Of course these answers can change over time and can be modified for specific scenarios. I put them in this piece to get you thinking. Things can definitely change when going from the hypothetical to the actualized.
  1. Are you looking for hierarchical poly or off the relationship escalator poly? Or solo poly? Kitchen table poly? Perhaps a hybrid of some of these?
  2. Are you okay dating someone that has a different style of poly than yourself? If so, which kinds are you okay with? Which kinds are you not? Why?
  3. What does safe sex mean to you? How often would you want to get tested? How often would you want your partners to get tested?
  4. Are you looking for  kink relationships, vanilla relationships, or a hybrid of the two?
  5. What is your learning style? What is your communication style? What kind of listener are you? 
  6. What are your core values? What values do you want and/or need your partners to have?
  7. What is your love language? What kind of love do you need from others?
  8. Why are you poly or want to be poly? What would your ideal poly relationship(s) look like?

****hierarchical poly- type of poly where there can be a primary, secondary, etc. There is a clear pyramid of priority.

**** getting off the relationship escalator-the idea that we don’t have to do relationships in a traditional fashion such as move in, get married, have kids,etc. The concept of making our own individualized relationships

*****solo poly- type of poly that is based around an individual’s autonomy and independence

*****kitchen table poly-type of poly where all partners and partner’s partners (metamours) can at least sit at a table together and be cordial such as at a birthday dinner

****learning styles- auditory, visual, reading/writing, kinesthetic, solitary, social

****listening styles – passive, active, detached, involved

***communication styles–passive, passive aggressive, assertive, aggressive

****love languages-words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch-there many online tests to determine this

As always thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

How To Stay Safe Online

April 26, 2020 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

Especially right now with Covid-19 going on, people are online now more than ever. It’s paramount to stay safe when meeting people online. I am writing this article to give readers helpful tips on how to stay safe and healthy when floating through cyberspace.

First and foremost, do not put your last name, address, social media handles, or any other personal information on your profile. 

If you would like to put any additional contact information in your bio, I would recommend having and/or creating an email address/social media handles that do not list your last name.

For further protection, apps such as kik and google voice can be used to keep your phone number confidential. These allow you to call and text folks you are talking to online. To me, if you would like to continue talking to someone it’s always a good idea to get off the app.

Once you are off the app, if someone presents red flags, unmatch and block them from the app right away. The same applies if they begin acting sketchy on the app too.

I suggest talking on the phone first before meeting. Not only does this help to verify the person you are talking to is real, but it’s a good way to see if there’s some sort of chemistry before meeting.

If you are going to Skype or Zoom before meeting, your username should not reveal any of your personal  information besides your first name.

When meeting someone for the first time, always meet them in a public place where others gather as well. Preferably somewhere well-lit.  It’s also a good idea to ask a friend in advance to be your “safe person.” What I mean by this is a friend that knows your location, who you are meeting, and expects you to check in during the date to let them know that you are okay. If you are comfortable sharing your location on your phone with this person that can be useful too. Also, some people choose to have a “safeword” such as “vanilla” to let their “safe person” know they are okay in a coded language. This way if the person you are meeting sees the text, they will not know what you’re talking about.

I suggest meeting someone for coffee on the first date/meeting.  This way if anything makes you uncomfortable or you’re really not into the person, the date is already set up to be short and has a definite beginning and end. If coffee goes well, feel free to plan a longer date for the second time around.

With this being said, always go with your gut. Before meeting, if anything doesn’t feel or seem right I would unmatch and/or block and/or report the person depending on their behavior. Overly coercive or abusive language should be blocked and reported right away. Furthermore, anything non-consensual should be reported. Chances are if they are doing it to you, they have and/or are going to speak that way to someone else. 

It’s our responsibility to our community and to others to report any unsafe behavior. We all need to ban together to keep everyone as safe as possible.

If you choose to send any kind of risque video or photo keep your face and any identifying marks such as tattoos out of it. There are a lot of non-consensual pic and video collectors out there. Some will even publish these pictures. You never know how this could come back to haunt you later.

I recommend not sending any kind of adult material until you truly know and trust someone. But that’s just my advice.

On top of all the other safe online practices listed above, if you are a sex worker, I highly reccomend never giving out your real name- first or last. Make up an alias and always stick to that. On all your online accounts that are used for work never post your real name. Have a separate email, paypal account, social media handles, etc. If anything needs to be mailed to you have a P.O box.

It’s very important to be discreet for this type of work. Keeping your personal life and work life separate is paramount. It will also help you compartmentalize work and help you to get in the headspace for work more easily.

I would also always meet clients at a residence that is different from your own. Protecting where you live is paramount.

In this day and age one can never be too careful. It’s essential to be cautious-not jaded-just cautious, mindful, and alert. I hope you have found this article helpful and filled with knowledge to think about when engaging with others online.

Lastly, I have met all of my partners online. So, I am in NO WAY against online dating. I am merely trying to create a safer cyberspace. 

If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to reach out. As always thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

Don’t Put Yourself In A Box

April 4, 2020 By slave_bunny 2 Comments

Hello lovely readers!

I wanted to take some time to talk about labeling and “putting one’s self in a box.”

While using labels/identifiers are one of the ways we make sense of the world, ourselves, and others, I greatly urge one to not become married to these types of things. 

People are changing and shifting constantly. Change is part of growth and learning. If we become so invested in a particular label, this could hinder our growth.

For example, many knew me as solely a slave/submissive for years. They also knew me and my Master as monogamous. Many, most likely, assumed that I was straight.

However, as time went on, my Master and I decided to become poly. With this, came me discovering my Dominant side and re-connecting with my queer side.

I am still my Master’s slave, but I have been catering to other aspects of my personality as well.

Humans are so complex and it’s important that we allow ourselves to express all sides of ourselves.

It’s also paramount to remember that we are not black and white entities and nothing in this world is. You can be a babygirl and a Mistress. A Top and bottom. A pet and Handler. You can be any combo of things. 

Also, different people and activities bring out different parts of us. That’s one of the reasons I feel it is important to always be honing various hobbies and skills, have a multitude of friendships, etc. For most, one hobby, friend, type of workout, food etc will not fulfill someone.

The same is true for kink. That why many have various play partners, power exchange dynamics, attend different events/classes, etc

I once put myself in a box due to anxiety and a distrust of myself. Now that I have done years of self work (and will continue to do the work-because everyone can always improve), I feel very confident owning the different aspects of myself.

I am a slave, a Domme, a best friend, a daughter, a colleague, an aunt, a wife, a workout nut, a cook, a writer, an educator, etc.

Also, I want to note that one relationship can be quite multi-faceted. For example my Master is not just my Master. He is also my husband, my best friend, my confidante, my Daddy, my business advisor, my life partner etc. And I am not just his slave. I am his wife, best friend, life partner, confidante, at times caretaker,his assistant, etc.

In short, it’s important to acknowledge the complexity of relationships and individuals. True depth and meaning will come about from this. Things that are one-sided and remain one-sided will often come out “half baked.”

With this being said, I encourage you all to dive deep into yourselves and your current friendships, relationships, etc, and see if there are undiscovered aspects of any of these. Is there anything that is worth exploring further? Genuine connection comes from acceptance of all facets, sides, and aspects of a particular relationship and/or self.

Journal, do some soul-searching, communicate with your loved ones about your questions and findings.

I am sure you will be surprised and proud of what you uncover! This type of work will also help to deepen your relationships. Communication leads to understanding and understanding leads to growth and added meaning.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to comment below. As always, thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

It’s The Little Things

March 15, 2020 By slave_bunny 4 Comments

Hello lovely readers!

It’s been a while. Last time I wrote I was in a 24/7 1950’s-inspired power exchange dynamic. Please refer to my 1950’s articles to gain a better understanding of what I am talking about if you are just tuning in (type in my name in the search bar and they should come up).

With wanting to buy a house, some recent medical challenges, and my PTSD recovery going swimmingly, we decided to revamp our dynamic to allow for where we need to be in life at this time. 

Afterall, power exchange, relationships, and life all take a decent amount of flexibility and adaptability. It’s unrealistic to think your dynamic and/or life will stay the same forever. 

To me, life is all about growth and growth needs change to occur. And, sure, power exchange is definitely about discipline, rigidity, structure, protocols etc. However, throughout life it’s important to revise your structure as needed. This is why regular check-ins and contract revisions are important- to make sure your dynamic is working for your current reality, and so your dynamic can add to your life/relationship and not work against it. 

Plainly put, some things are out of our control (even for D-types). It’s paramount to be able to acknowledge these things and modify as needed. It sometimes can be hard to let go of routines, rituals, protocols, etc because it makes one feel safe and/or there was so much training and work that went into them. However, it’s often quite beneficial to train on new things in order to learn new skills, and one can find a new kind of security within the new chapter of your dynamic. 

I was terrified (at first) to lose my safe, little 1950’s world where my Master could approve everything because my universe had been made so small (completely consensual by the way). But as time went on I was able to see my growth and how my power exchange dynamic had equipped me to take on these new challenges. It was quite empowering to say the least. Furthermore, due to the intense training my Master and I had done, it continually felt and feels like he is engrained in me, guiding me-even though he is not able to micromanage me like he once did.

I am so grateful for my years as a 1950’s 24/7 slave. This period prepared me to be able to work multiple jobs, cultivate wonderful friendships, gain a better handle on my anxiety/OCD/PTSD-we even became poly in the last year! All of these things would not have been possible had I not been gifted with the sacred time to just be His. Our 1950’s life was also very bonding, and helps us to stay connected during this crazy stint in our life due to how close we became, how much I relied on him, and how my sole job was to serve him/learn how I could best serve him.

Living as a 1950’s slave centered me, grounded me, and allowed me to move at my own pace. Not many people get the opportunity to do this solo; let alone to do this with someone that wishes to invest so much time and energy into you and the relationship. I cannot thank my Master enough for those years.

Going forward, I am also quite grateful for where we are at now and what the future holds. Because we are busier than we have ever been and have more challenges than we have ever had before, it’s been quite essential to hold on to what we have deemed the most important protocols and rituals such as the morning collaring ritual (among others). Sure, we have had to get creative with my new work schedule (sending a collaring video when I leave for work before my Master is out of bed), but the idea, dedication, devotion, mindfulness, and power exchange are still very much alive.

A lot of folks think that “Oh, life changed, so we gotta get rid of our D/s.” I am here to tell you that is just not true. Your power exchange can grow with you. It may look different (ours sure does). But the great thing about any kind of dynamic is, is that you can make it whatever you need it to be at any given time in your life (as long as you communicate with all partners, work together, and come up with a game plan that is consensual/wanted by all parties). 

When dealing with a major transition ask yourself: What are the core values that my relationship is about? How do these manifest in our protocols, rituals, interactions etc? 

Then ask:

Based on our current schedules, lifestyle(s), careers, wants, needs etc how can we realistically cater to these values in a tangible way? Do we need to adjust anything? What’s not realistic anymore? What’s not serving us anymore? What needs to be modified to allow our desired protocols and rituals to be implemented consistently? What needs to be added to our dynamic?

These are big questions and they may take time to answer. It may take some trial and error too. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

The important thing is that you are working together, communicating, and trying to be flexible and adaptable for the betterment of each partner and your relationship.

Despite being in a power exchange dynamic you are still a team (a team with a team captain), but a team nonetheless. Because of this you must function as such- especially when life happens (and it will) to ensure your relationship can be as sustainable as possible.

It’s so great to be writing again! Please reach out with any questions or comments. As always thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

My Favorite Things About Power Exchange

March 3, 2019 By slave_bunny 2 Comments


Power exchange, in my opinion, is such a beautiful thing for many reasons. It promotes such healthy vulnerability, communication, trust, and structure when done correctly and consensually.

Many relationships will naturally drift apart and become comfortable. However, for power exchange to truly thrive it demands that all parties remain present, proactive, and mindful.

True power exchange cannot exist when done on autopilot. To me, no relationship should exist on autopilot, but sadly many do for years or even decades.

Because D-types and s-types in a power exchange dynamic require such a high level of commitment to the relationship and to their partners, growth and connection can truly blossom because of this. Focus and discipline help to make this happen as well.

Power exchange also does not happen haphazardly. It requires thought, planning, and getting ahead of any potential problems. It demands long term thinking and knowing one’s self and one’s partner(s) on a very deep level. Contracts can help with planning as well.

It requires holding yourself accountable; honesty must be present too. Genuine communication and problem-solving cannot exist with lies and deceit.

To me, one must truly know themselves, their wants, needs, desires, and limits on such a core level before entering into a power exchange. Self work must be done before and during the dynamic. Furthermore, if the dynamic should end, self work should not reduce.

Power exchange is all about achieving your full potential via a chosen role that fulfills you on many or all levels.

Through the structure and discipline, one can grow to heights that they never knew they could.

Also, this type of relationship promotes space to gain full emotional, mental, and sexual satisfaction due to its honest and genuine qualities.

Power exchange helped me to gain a better handle on my anxiety and OCD through my Master’s guidance, support, and love too. In short, power exchange can also have positive effects on one’s mental illnesses and shortcomings.

Power exchange is something so unique, and it takes such a high level of dedication, honesty, communication, and vulnerability (that in my experience) other relationships do not offer.

As always please feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


About the Author

Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.

With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

Patience Is Key To Power Exchange

January 13, 2019 By slave_bunny 2 Comments


I am sure most of us have heard others in the lifestyle talk about the importance of communication, transparency, self-awareness, safety, etc.

All of these are so valuable and needed within any kind of power exchange or scene, but what we don’t talk about as regularly is that it takes patience to breed these things.

Now, I am in NO way recommending anyone to jump into anything without having these things first. I am however saying, that time should be given to foster these things. That’s why people have consideration collars, are just platonic friends first before anything else occurs, and in the Vanilla World many people date a while before making any sort of commitment.

If you are interested in someone, but are not quite sure if anything will materialize, it’s a good idea to give it some time to see what could build before giving a person or dynamic a firm “yes” or “no”. We leave ourselves open to so many more possible healthy and fulfilling opportunities this way. It also helps us to not judge others too quickly as well (which is my opinion is a skill most need to work on).

However, if you see red flags from the start or do not wish to pursue anything with an individual then it is perfectly acceptable not to pursue it in a polite and appropriate manner. We all have a finite amount of time and should never feel obligated to give everyone a chance. Again, always be polite and respectful when declining.

Furthermore, patience and time will give all involved time to see if they truly want to be in this particular relationship and can have something healthy, happy, and fulfilling with all parties.

It also allows all parties to process this new endeavor and not get overwhelmed by adding something too intense too early. Giving yourself and others time can lead to reflection and introspection too, which are essential for successful lives and relationships. You know when you think about something and then act, but later realize there is a different and better way to do that same thing? Time is the reason this occurs.

Taking your time with things also allows someone to nix black and white thinking. What I mean is that by doing this you don’t say someone is “bad” or “good” for you right a way without getting to know them. You are saying  “maybe” and solidifying a less vague answer as time goes on.

If you do decide to enter into a power exchange or relationship with someone that you were considering start small. Do not start giving your sub a million and one new protocols. Power exchange should always be realistic and manageable. I do not mean easy either. I mean something that can be challenging, but in no way detrimental and it can be realistically achieved.

Over time, protocols can be become more complex and multiply as other protocols are learned, and retained in the mind and body.

What helped me when I first became my Master’s slave was to make up mnemonics for routines, protocols, and rituals my Master expected me to carry out. Lists were also my best friend. I used to make lists and print them out so I would remember the important duties my Master had asked of me. It also felt good to cross the duties off like “Oh yes I completed that for my Master.”

After a while, I didn’t need the lists any more or the mnemonics, but if he gave me something complicated and new in the future, I might.

It’s a good idea to never forget what you did at the beginning because you made need to access those skills again.

After all, power exchange, in my opinion, is all about self growth and learning. Because of this, we should never really get too comfortable and completely forget the skills that brought us to this point.

As time goes on, you will see the rewards of what taking things slow will yield for you and your partners. You will have a more solid foundation and know your feelings about your partners and your dynamics more thoroughly. You will have taken time to be introspective and for trust to build. Communication skills can better be harnessed. You and your partners can gain a better understanding of who you are and who you are together.

In short, slow and steady does win the race, especially when dealing with something as vulnerable as power exchange.

As always feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


About the Author

Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.

With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, slave bunny

Discipline Even When He or She Isn’t Around

December 23, 2018 By slave_bunny 2 Comments


Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well.

I have talked to some people in the lifestyle recently that think that being a submissive of any kind is just about being micromanaged and doing what the D-type says in their presence.

While this kind of dynamic can be a reality, the fact of the matter is, is that the submissive should still hold themselves accountable and follow protocol to the best of their ability even when their D-type is not around (in my opinion anyway). They should want to do these things as well; they should want to be the best submissive, slave, pet, etc they can be at all times. Now, I know all people make mistakes and no one is perfect. I am merely mentioning that the sub should want to try to be obedient at all times. Trying one’s best is all anyone can ask for-whether you are vanilla or kink.  I am not talking about brat play here either. That’s a whole different topic.

The D-type also should trust that the s-type will follow protocol even when they are not present.

Power exchange, at least in my opinion, requires an extremely deep commitment that goes beyond if someone is physically there. To me, I always feel that my Master is with me and I must always make him proud.

I think that’s what it is too. Wanting Him to be proud of me and the choice He made to own me. I also want Him to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am following His wishes too. This relieves worry or hesitation from His mind I am sure.

As a submissive, if you do not feel the urge to follow protocol when you are not in the presence of your D-type, I would do some digging into your psyche and figure out why that could be.

Do you not want to be an s-type? Do you not want to be committed to this particular D-type? Is it the protocol or ritual itself? Is there another factor that is impeding your service?

Furthermore, in my opinion, power exchange is about doing what’s right and expected of you even when no one is watching. It’s about sticking to what you agreed to and having impeccable follow through-for both sides of the slash. If anything needs to be changed, a discussion should ensue. The submissive should not modify things on their own behind the D-type’s back. On the same note, in my opinion, a responsible D-type should not change protocol without having a discussion with their submissive. Now, based on your dynamic, the Dominant might not need to gain consent to have this change take effect. However, I feel simply sitting down with your sub to discuss any changes is important nonetheless. This gives the s-type time to process and adjust accordingly.

As previously mentioned,  I am in no way saying an s-type can’t have a bad day. We all do, myself included. We all make mistakes.

What I am saying is that for a power exchange dynamic to reach optimal success and fulfillment all parties must be committed to making the other proud and happy even when they are not in the same room, state, location, etc.

When my Master goes on a business trip I am still his property and must carry about his wishes. The structure of the power exchange should not change, unless otherwise pre-negotiated.

To me, submission to my Master is in my bones. I feel physically ill if I don’t do as he desires. To right my wrongs, I always confess my errors, and would rather graciously take my punishment than to keep anything from Him. To me, to govern me effectively, He must know me completely and that includes my mistakes and weaknesses.

A successful power exchange requires such a commitment. Now, I am in NO WAY saying that  our relationship is the be-all-end-all and that everyone should have a relationship exactly like ours. We are not perfect, and are always learning, growing, and trying to better our dynamic. Being with my Master is the only power exchange I have ever known, and because of this, I am merely taking examples from my own experiences to help bring real life examples to this article. I humbly bring up the kind of commitment I feel towards my Master to hammer home the type of commitment I am referring to. However, everyone’s dynamics will most likely look quite different than ours, and that’s totally great. No one dynamic or power exchange is better than another. Again, I am just writing about my life and what I know. 

In short, the depth of the commitment to your dynamic is what matters (this goes for D-types and s-types alike).

Also, submissives shouldn’t only be on their best behavior when their D-type is present. If this is occurring, your relationship will most likely be “half-baked” and the D-type will never know you completely. Also, true trust cannot be built in this inconsistent fashion. Furthermore, manipulation and games have no place in power exchange or any other type of relationship for that matter.

So, in short, do not withhold, do act in ways that would make your Top/D-type proud (whether you are physically together or apart), and if you find that this is not possible find out why and act accordingly to achieve the healthiest outcome for all involved.

As always, feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


About the Author

Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.

With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, power exchange, slave bunny

Interview with Shay

November 5, 2018 By slave_bunny 3 Comments


How did you get your start in the Kink Community? What drew you to this lifestyle?

I came into the kink community in 2003, when my partner Stefanos and I were living in Minnesota. Prior to that, Stefanos had been involved in fetish event production, and we’d both done kinky bedroom play for pretty much as long as we’d been having sex. We were also both Live Action Role Players (LARPers), which is how we met, and that’s pretty damned kinky in our books! We started to go to Minnesota munches and play events, and met our mentor Koroban. That was very much the beginning of my time in the kink community.

Can you elaborate on your work in the community? What projects are you currently working on?

I recently finished getting selfsuspend.com up and running, and my biggest project right now is working on writing a book on self-suspension… which is incredibly time-consuming! I’m very inspired by “creating the work I want to see in the world” – when I first started with self-suspension, there were very few online resources, and no classes or mentors in my area. I ended up taking content from a partnered suspension context and adapting it myself, and basically being self-taught in a lot of areas. I try to think about what content would have been helpful for me when I was a curious beginner, and working on getting that information out there in a more accessible way.

You teach a wide range of subjects – can you talk about your process for developing classes?

Most of my classes are co-taught with my partner Stefanos, and our class list has developed slowly over the years. We were first inspired to present when we came back from Shibaricon (a large rope convention in Chicago). At the time we were part of a small Minnesota community that didn’t have much by way of formal classes available. Members of the youth group we were part of asked us to share our bondage knowledge, and our Remedial Ropes classes were born. Many of our classes have come about this way – a friend will tell us that they love watching us do cutting, or playful BDSM scenes, or pick-up play, and will ask “hey, can you teach me how to do that?” Due to my professional knowledge, I’m asked to present on medical and safety topics pretty frequently.

Generally our process has been that we start with broader classes, and then divide them into more focused classes as we hone the content. We presented locally, first in Minnesota and then in San Francisco, starting in 2005. We didn’t travel to present at our first convention until 2011, so we really took our time presenting and developing our classes on the local level before taking the “show on the road” as it were!

What is your favorite class to present, and why?

I’ve been super into presenting self-suspension, especially when I can make an afternoon intensive of it. I’ve worked really hard to make the content as accessible as possible – my goal is for everyone in the class to self-suspend and feel really good and accomplished having had that successful experience. My first exposures to shibari-style rope suspension made me feel really crappy and inadequate, like I wasn’t a worthy rope human, and I’m trying to give folks and experience of success and fun in their own ropes!

When I’m presenting with my partner Stefanos, our favorite class is It’s a Trap: Playful Scenes and Non-Bondage Predicaments. It’s a very demo-heavy class, and we usually have at least three stunt bottoms working with us, which always creates a fun and unique energy.

Do you structure your classes or just go off the cuff?

Our classes are ridiculously structured! I have detailed, pages long outlines that I print off and work from, which even includes the amount of time to spend on each subject. Of course, within that there is still quite a bit of space and each class is still unique and different – it’s an outline, not a script! For example, the outline might list that we have ten minutes to demo and discuss a toy ordering game as a negotiation tool, so that’s the broad strokes, but the exact execution of that will vary each time.

You’re known for your self-suspension performances, as well as curating shows that include kink and bondage performance. In your opinion, what makes for a great performer?

The biggest thing I’m always pushing performers to do is to create shorter acts. Less really is more! It’s hard to do a short performance, because it makes you really hone down your presentation, but putting in the work makes you really polished and focused. I always think about this quote from Woodrow Wilson, when he was asked how long it takes him to prepare a speech: “It depends. If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.” I’m interested in the TED-talks of bondage performances, and it takes a different level of preparation. If you’re doing a scene on stage and want to take 45 minutes, that’s fine (and some folks certainly prefer that type of performance, I’m not here to Twue Way on this), but that’s a very different type of performance than the acts I do, curate, and enjoy as an audience member. IMHO, there is a difference between “scene rope” and “performance rope” and I enjoy pushing the boundaries of that distinction.

What keeps you coming back to perform within the community?

There’s something so satisfying about coming up with a concept, music, costumes, and routine for a performance, just creating all that out of nothing at all and then getting to execute it on a stage is just incredible. When I first started doing rope performance, the vast majority of what I saw in terms of bondage on stage was shibari-style, men topping women… and I wanted to represent something outside of that. I’ve been performing (and creating performances) since childhood dance classes, so it’s something that’s always been part of my life. In addition, I’ve come to embrace that my “core kink” is exhibitionism. I don’t do much private play at all – I love being watched, so being on stage also feeds that!

How would you recommend that newcomers get started with learning bondage?

For folks just starting with rope, we do think that you can get a lot of basic safety information online, including sites like RemedialRopes.com. Mentoring and taking in-person classes is optimal, once you start to actually tie – many areas have rope classes, munches, or peer-led events. To supplement your in-person instruction, consider sites like KinkAcademy.com, which is a great place for tons of videos. Many instructors offer private lessons, as well, which is a great option if that is affordable for you. Get references on specific instructors and classes if you can – not all bondage instructors teach or tie in a style that will be a match with your bondage and/or learning preferences. I really recommend self-tying as a way to start – it teaches you about both rope topping and rope bottoming, and is a wonderful way to learn!

Can you give advice for individuals that want to learn new hard and soft skills? Dos and don’ts?

Don’t be afraid to learn online and from videos. I got most of my early suspension bondage education from YouTube – don’t let the rope snobs tell you that’s not a valid resource! I always recommend in-person instruction, but it’s not possible or accessible for everyone all the time, so videos can be a great way to supplement that. Also along those lines: DO get your information from multiple sources! Having someone mentor you in person, and also taking a few classes, and also reading some books, and also watching videos is optimal IMHO. You want to get a variety of perspectives and approaches!

What events are next on your schedule?

I’m producing the bondage and kink performance event Twisted Windows on the Friday of Folsom weekend (9/28) here in San Francisco, as well as numerous other local events (BENT, Self-Suspension Open Space, Master’s Den, etc). I help with programming for Dark Odyssey: Surrender, which is a weekend hotel kink conference in San Francisco, and am getting geared up for that event, as well as starting to plan 2019 travel!


About Shay and Stefanos

Stefanos & Shay are a vivacious, unconventional D/s couple whose entertaining, information-packed classes have been called “better than a Vegas act.” They identify as pansexual polyamorous playsluts, purveyors of perversion, and alliteration fetishists! They are based in San Francisco, where they host over 60 events a year (including BENT, Twisted Windows, Master’s Den, Self-Suspension Open Space, & Bondage-a-Go-Go) and were named King & Queen of Pervert’s Prom in 2006!

Shay is a medical professional by day, education director for Dark Odyssey: Surrender and writer/creator of bondage safety repositoryRemedialRopes.com by night, as well as a prominent self-suspender known for unique, dynamic rigs and prodigious performances. Stefanos is all kink all the time as DM & CEO of Bondage-a-Go-Go, event manager at the SF Citadel, and former Producer/Steward of The Upper Floor on Kink.com.

Stefanos & Shay have performed, presented, and hosted around the country and internationally, including at Dark Odyssey (Winter Fire, Surrender, & Fusion), Rome BDSM Conference, Thunder in the Mountains, KinkFest, RopeCraft, Northwest Leather Celebration, Westcoast Bound, San Francisco State University, Stanford University, OpenSF, Kinky Kollege, Beyond Leather, the SF Citadel, Mission Control, Center for Sex and Culture, the Exotic Erotic Ball, International Ms Leather, BayCon, COPE, Mischief in May, Folsom Fringe, and Cum & Glitter. They’ve also been featured on KinkAcademy.com, PassionateU.com, BehindKink, Discovery Channel’s Oddities, Skin Two, KinkUniversity, and in over half a dozen documentaries across the world.

For more from Stefanos & Shay, check out their bondage safety web site and the site for Twisted Windows, their kink performance event in San Francisco!

Shay also created a self-suspension web site! If you’d like to learn self-suspension, you can check out articles, video tutorials, and much more. Contact Shay for more information about self-suspension.

You can watch a video of one of our performances here

Stefanos was interviewed by Vice regarding Bondage-a-Go-Go and the SF kink scene — watch the interview here.

Interested in booking Stefanos & Shay to present or perform at your event? Contact us!

Be sure to check out their website too!

https://www.stefanosandshay.com/

Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, bottom, dom, fetish, kink, power exchange, Rope, rope performance, rope play, Shay, shibari, Stefanos, sub, Top

Interview with Max Candy

October 29, 2018 By slave_bunny 4 Comments


Can you tell us a little about your background? How did you get your start in this line of work?

My life behind the camera started at the tender age of 13, when I got a job with the local newspaper, being paid the princely sum of five dollars per picture.  Ever since then, I’ve always found the camera my passport, my reason to be in the room, and as I’ve grown older and dare I say wiser, I started to examine what I’m seeing – as opposed to just witnessing it.

In terms of porn or “naughtiness” as I like to call it, I was originally creating promotional photos for exotic models/dancers in Vancouver as a hobby, but found they often did not show up or have the money to pay for pictures. So, I got the idea of asking them if I could turn it around, hire them, and post their photos online for custom work. It was 1996 and the orders blew up.

At the time, there were a lot of young and successful website operators with very deep pockets that had tried to call all the big adult brands with no luck. So, when they found me they became amazing customers.

What are your strengths as an artist? What are your weaknesses? How do you overcome them?

I think my biggest strengths are motivating other artists, working in a collaborative sense, and not being able to hold down a normal job even if I tried.

I think my biggest weaknesses are probably staying motivated, staying interested in something, and staying focused. ADD much?

The only way you can overcome these things is just to understand that all things, including time itself comes in waves. Sometimes you’re just down in the trough, well below sea level, but you have to keep knowing that the wave will surely build once more and as it does you will get to ride it again.

Are you a lifestyler as well? If so, how does this impact your work?

Yes, I’ve always been involved in the BDSM lifestyle. However, I was too in the heteronormative world or male-dominated / female submission realm, and didn’t really understand the full scope and beauty of Kink until I started filming my documentary “tOuch”

https://vimeo.com/256701994

What is the biggest challenge that comes with working in the Kink, Fetish, and BDSM Communities?

The same challenge I had to face in myself, having this notion that there somehow is one way of doing it, the way that you’re familiar with, and that other people are somehow doing it wrong.

It’s like that old joke “if you’re doing less than me you are vanilla; if you’re doing more than me then you’re a sick pervert.”

What is the greatest joy that comes from your work?

I think the greatest joy is having the work resonate with people and bring some pleasure on a larger scale. Also, just getting to do what I love. I find that people who are open about sex and BDSM are just more genuine and interesting to be around. They are allowing themselves to live a truly authentic life, which makes them more thrilling to engage with..

What new projects are you currently working on?

I’ve been working on the same documentary for the last three years, “tOuch BDSM.” It’s about the secrets of kink revealed by following four interesting people for the last three years.

When I was young my parents were shy when it came to talking about sex. They actually handed me a VHS videotape to explain it for them. My movie is the “tape” I plan to hand back to them to explain my world and love of BDSM.

What would you say is your overall goal? How does your work help to accomplish this?

My main goal is, and I think all good art has the same goal, is to try and open peoples’ minds a little bit.  To facilitate understanding and/or tolerance.

I love helping people become more open and realize that they are more than they thought.

What is the most exciting thing about filmmaking?

Starting a film and finishing a film.

Just kidding. I suppose it’s the adventure of meeting new people, going new places, and learning new things. It goes back to that idea of a camera being like a passport to new worlds

What is the most common misconception about how porn is made?

Probably the most common misconception is that somehow women are forced into it and are not doing it out of free will.

It’s true that there is an economic influence, and many people are doing it for purely economic reasons, but so many people do jobs for the money!

It’s just a shameless judgement society makes when people say sex work is not real work and/or is immoral in some way. Sorry, but building bombs is inherently more immoral than anything else.

What would you say is the overarching message that you want people to receive when viewing your work?

If you’re talking about porn I think it’s that there’s nothing dirty about sex, unless of course, you want it to be dirty. Then let it be dirty, dirty as hell!

If you’re talking about BDSM it is …

https://vimeo.com/227849599

What drives you to continue to make art?

I’m actually just a very curious soul. I love to explore, to play. I love to get paid to think about things and make things up. It’s just some sort of fundamental need I have. I guess I never grew up and do not want too.

What advice can you give to someone that wants to enter into this line of work?

If you want to be a filmmaker, a porn director, or whatever, don’t do it for the money; those days are long gone.

You have to figure out what drives you, what makes you happy. Forget about the money because if you worry about the money, your whole life will lose any chance of being happy.  Money may indeed lubricate things, but it is not The Thing. Remember that. Otherwise, you end up with lots of lube and nothing and no one to play with.

What is the most fulfilling thing(s) about your job?

Getting to do what I truly love to do-well, most of the time. Often it feels like I get to live several lives, which for me is wonderful feeling.

Any closing words?

Help! It’s a tough road to hoe, making a documentary that is. It is expensive and time-consuming. Please sign up for my newsletter and/or feel free to write me encouragement if you feel inclined. I am in the final editing stages and some days the notes from the community are the wind in my sails.

Thanks

MaxC

Max@tOuchBDSM.com

http://touchbdsm.us11.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=f45894473a8c5bb712710912c&id=d82c8fb027


Max’s Bio

Max Candy is a Dom, photographer, documentarian, multi-award winning erotic/porn film producer/director and, a generally curious soul.

He is currently consulting for Whiplr.com to assist with the development of their app for the Kink Community and filming a mainstream, no not erotica this time, BDSM-positive, documentary film for worldwide cable T.V. release.

Boisterous, adventurous, and unapologetic, he believes, life should be a work of art, and good art should be about inspiration born from constantly questioning and challenging the world around you, free from the suffocating worries of always being liked or trying to fit in all the time. This is why he loves the Kink Community- for its so many lovely and often misunderstood kindred spirits.

 

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, Max Candy

How To Kink Without BDSM

October 1, 2018 By slave_bunny 9 Comments


Hello everyone!

I was recently inspired by my own M/s dynamic to write this article. For many of us in the lifestyle, it IS standard to practice BDSM.

However, a lot of individuals think of kink as encompassing solely BDSM. When in reality, there are so many other ways “to kink.” Of course, BDSM is one way to participate in the lifestyle, but I think it’s important for readers to know about other ways to stay kinky-especially for those that know that BDSM isn’t their thing or for those that have limitations that keep them from practicing BDSM.

To me, a kink is a thing/fetish that deviates from what one would of think of when thinking of conventional sex (missionary sex, making out, fingering, blowjobs, eating out, etc.) You know, the “regular vanilla progression” of what one thinks of. With this being said, kink can also include actions that do not directly relate to sex (such as peeing on a partner), certain phrases (for example: good girl, bad boy, calling someone Mistress), an agreed upon power exchange structure (such as D/s, M/s, Big/little etc.). It doesn’t just involve impact, canes, whips, choking, and flogging-although all of these are quite prevalent in the community. To me, kink is all about an alternative way of doing things that deviates from the “vanilla norm.”

Even though my Master and I do use paddles, floggers, belts, practice breath play, wax play, and water sports, these are not the main things that drive our kinky relationship. At our relationship’s core and what makes us the most kinky (in my opinion) are the honorifics we use, the fact that we live by Rack rules (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), that I have agreed to make myself sexually available for my Master at all times, how our sex is geared towards his pleasure and the use of me to make sure he obtains climax, how we speak to each other, our use of rituals and slave positions, my Master having complete control over my schedule/time/life, the fact that my Master has complete control over my orgasms, our love of lingerie, sleekness, and how we dabble in the Daddy/little realm.

And none of these include any sort of impact, but yet to me, they are certainly kinky things that go beyond vanilla sex. The fact that my Master can point and I hop to and get on my knees to pleasure him, the fact he calls me his “good girl” and gives me specific, sexual instructions, the fact that I am his property and have given him the power to do whatever he would like with me at any moment, and the fact that I have multiple tattoos dedicated to him that all pay homage to our dynamic are all things that relate to our kink. So do my stuffies, my little persona, and our use of high protocol. The fact I have to ask permission to go anywhere, again, is part of our kinky journey.

Now, not all of these things turn us on. It’s not like he gets close to coming when I ask to see my best friend for lunch and he tells me yes or no, but I am merely suggesting that these things should be considered just as much a part of the community as flogging or caning because they are a huge part of a lot of power exchange dynamics. We live in a world where it’s common for people to want to be their “own person,” or think they should be at least. So having to ask permission definitely goes against the status quo. It’s an alternative lifestyle and should be considered as much a part of kink as any act one might see in the dungeon. Negotiation may or may not turn someone on, but it is still paramount before having a scene with someone, and should be considered just as as much a part of the kinky process as any sexual act relating to BDSM.

Just the act of yielding/giving power to someone and/or taking control consensually over someone is a form of kink, at least in my opinion-even if you aren’t into any kind of BDSM or have any obvious fetish.

My point is that there are so many ways to kink and they all should be celebrated! You are just as kinky if you are in an agreed upon power exchange that doesn’t play in a dungeon and sticks to more vanilla sexual activities as the experienced flogger that has five play partners and practices BDSM at nearly every play party.

The community has such a wide spectrum of fetishes, kinks, and lifestyles, and it’s important to include the less practiced ones into our definition of the lifestyle.

I think it’s rather easy to look around at a dungeon, see various things happening from room to room, and think to yourself, “Oh, to be kinky I have to do x,y, and z.” But that is clearly not the case.

To be in the lifestyle, you can play at a dungeon, at home, or not at all. To be a kinkster you can just like the idea of consent, communication, power exchange, and negotiation without ever taking a spanking or holding a single-tail.

Again, it’s all about an alternative lifestyle that differs from what the Vanilla World is practicing. What matters is that you hold the values of the community at large- acceptance, consent, transparency, respecting boundaries, negotiation, clear expectations, and respect.

If you’re on-board with that, then, you have found the right place to be yourself and find what you want out of life, relationships, self growth, and play.

I think all of us need to be as inclusive as possible and widen our definition even further of the Kink Community. This expansion can only happen if people are informed of other ways to be in the lifestyle.

Here is a short list of some other ways to kink not yet mentioned in the article that do not include BDSM. These can be paired with BDSM if one wishes though.

Exhibitionsim

Ball worship

Latex/Latex Outfits

Diaper Play/Baby Play

Boot Worshipping/Bootblacking

Leather/Leather Outfits

Watersports/Scat Play

Role Playing

Animal/Pet Play

Humiliation

Foot worship

Blindfolding

Sensation Play/Sensory Deprivation

Pussy Worship

Pegging/Strap ons

As always, please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!


About the Author

Slave Bunny is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master/ husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she will be teaching kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year and organizing events.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming events and classes.

Tagged With: bdsm, bottom, dom, dominatrix, domme, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power exchange, slave, sub, Top

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