• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Resources

Resources

The Power Of Power Exchange

August 16, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 3 Comments

sexy, muscular male submissive bound
via stock.abobe.com

Power exchange is one of those terms which is classified under kink, but often carries no clear visible representation.  Impact leaves marks, and is something you can see someone perform.  Needles, rope, knives, even exhibitionism, these are all things the eye can see.  Power exchange, in contrast, is a quiet kink, and one which does not leave visible reminders of its presence in a relationship.

Once you delve into the world of power exchange, there are a myriad of ways it can be incorporated into a relationship, whether casual or more intense.  On the less invasive side of things, it can be reserved for scene or bedroom time, and can be present without involving other things typically thought of as “kink.”  It doesn’t require sadism to be present, and doesn’t have to interfere with outside life.  On the other end of things, a relationship can be fully immersed in power exchange, to the point of Total Power Exchange, or TPE.  It is also completely possible to achieve something in the middle which is a negotiation of which situations will include some type of agreed-upon power exchange between individuals.  I have seen these referred to as levels, and more specifically, broken down into five levels:  conditional compliance; restricted ongoing acquiescence; provisional submission; the covenant of dominance and submission; and absolute ownership. 

Starting at power level one (I jest), it isn’t difficult to incorporate some power exchange into individual scenes.  Conditional compliance is associated with a single session or brief period of time and would only include negotiated activities within the scope of the exchange.  It could include everything from following commands to kneel, stay still, or even to ask permission for boons such as orgasms, or be limited to specifically negotiated areas.

With restricted ongoing acquiescence, power exchange negotiations may be put into effect as with conditional compliance, but only be in play during specified sessions, such as with ongoing play partners who have power exchange elements in their regular time together.  Those elements may be in effect during scene time only without requiring renegotiation, due to an agreement that those elements be in effect during their scene time together.

Provisional submission involves one partner giving greater control to the other, well, provisionally.  This may be the stage wherein partners experiment with different aspects of control over various areas in order to determine what is working for them and what is not.  These areas may have time limits, such as “we’ll try me choosing all of your clothing for the next two weeks to see if that is something we’d like to incorporate into our permanent relationship negotiations.”  It may also refer to a longer term power exchange which exists outside of scene time, and yet remains fundamentally a play partner arrangement at its core.

A covenant of dominance and submission may involve a contract or may be a verbal agreement.  It generally refers to a long-term agreement which exists outside of scene time, and involves other aspects of daily life, as negotiated.  It could be control in areas of finance, social relationships, or daily activities, in addition to agreements surrounding any scenes which may occur.  The participants may want a 1950’s style household and be disinclined to participate in other forms of kink play, or they may have a female-led relationship with an entire trunk full of kink implements, or whatever relationship format works for the participants.

Absolute ownership may also be referred to as a TPE.  While the title generally speaks for itself and includes truly invested participants, it does not necessarily mean one party has to actively be in control over every aspect of their partner.  Even TPE relationships often include negotiated areas which do not require permissions be granted, mostly because to be required every time another human needs to make a decision would be a full-time occupation, not practical for working humans who may not be available to make those at the drop of a hat.  Some of it is about convenience.  If you want to negotiate a power exchange with a partner which includes always being required to have permission for certain activities, say bathroom usage since everyone has to do that, then unless you are available every time they need to, such as in the middle of a work day, or even in the middle of the night if they drank too much tea at dinner, then you may need to reserve certain times which do not require permission.  For example, the rule may be “I am available at all times to grant permission to use the bathroom, other than between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am.  You will request and wait for the request to be granted at any other time of day,” or whatnot.  Most of the power exchanges I have encountered, both my own and that of others, rarely want to deal with that sort of micromanagement, and only require that permission be granted if it interrupts an in-progress activity or conversation, as that is considered a matter of courtesy rather than a rule about requiring permission for bathroom usage.  A better way to think of it may be as having underlying functions which occur quietly in the background.  A rule has been established, and in the absence of a change to that rule, it will continue to run just as lungs continue to breathe in the absence of efforts to resist their regular behavior.

To reiterate, absolutely none of the above requires that the participants delve into other aspects of kink.  While many we see in our local organizations do participate in things like impact or bondage in addition to their power exchange, one does not require the other to function.  It is completely possible to negotiate kink scenes in which power exchange does not occur, all the way up to having kink relationships without the inclusion of PE.  However, I will say, as a power exchange aficionado, seeing two individuals attempt to impose their will upon one another in the context of a relationship seems messy, as it often becomes some type of power struggle with no clear winner in any given battle.  I personally prefer the reassurance that having those things clearly outlined gives me, while also understanding that it isn’t for everyone.


About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bottom, dom, domme, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power exchange, sex, slave, submissive, Top

Putting The Safe In Safeword

August 8, 2020 By Elyssa Rice Leave a Comment

  • bdsm play wheel on skin
    via stock.adobe.com

For as long as I exist in a space of teaching for and existing within the kink community, I will never stop promoting, encouraging and inviting any conversation or action that promotes safety and empowerment. While completely eliminating any risk is not possible and frankly, some risk is welcomed, it is still incredibly important to protect the space and hold firm the boundaries that are agreed upon within any scene. 

Historically, we have been programmed to follow many rules both consciously and unconsciously. Consciously, we subscribe to the laws created for us. We know that a red light means we must stop and if we drive through that light we risk a consequence. We also follow rules unconsciously, playing into the social scripts that have been created for us, like our fixation on socially constructed beauty ideals or that relationships must exist in a certain structure to be valid.  As we reflect on our lives, while we like to think that we are running the show,  there are many areas where we have little to no control. The force that pulls us is often not coming from within but from the outside and let me tell you, that force is strong. 

When safe words are discussed, it is typically in a conversation about safety only but safe words are so much more than that. Safe words allow for us to be empowered in our erotic lives. They allow for us to be vulnerable and to develop deep trust between anyone participating in play. In a world where so much of what we do is controlled and so many of our “nos” get ignored, safe words allow for us to feel the power of having decisions in our own hands. How incredibly freeing to know that we have a decision that we can make that is entirely our own, without influence or pressure by another? Safe words are more than just opting out, they are empowering within. 

I am often asked about the do’s and don’ts of safe words. Where do we begin? When should I use them? How do I choose which one works for me? These questions are all extremely important and while many folks have differing opinions on safe words, I will provide my standard rules. Please note that these rules may not apply to everyone but have been a solid base for myself, my friends and many clients who participate in kink play. 

The first and most important rule of safe words is simply to have them. I have heard the debate many times that folks do not want or need a safe word and of course, we all have the power to make those decisions for our own lives, but I do not in any way encourage that. If you are new to the kink scene, it is paramount that you have safe words integrated into play. Consent and boundary violations are far more likely to occur if safe words do not exist and negative early experiences in the kink world can be highly influential on the future of your kink exploration. 

A safe world simply existing in the realm of your consciousness is not enough. It needs to be shared, discussed and agreed upon. The question often remains, how do I choose one? Well, one of the most important aspects of choosing a safe word is selecting a word that you will not only remember, but one that does not naturally come up within an erotic encounter. Words like “no”, “stop” or “don’t” are often integrated into play and can create confusion within a scene. Safe words should be obscure, but not so much so that they will pull you entirely out of the erotic space. If you pick a word that makes you laugh or uncomfortable, you may struggle to get back into the erotic space if you choose to do so. 

The most common safe words that I have heard are based on the traffic light system. Green indicates complete comfort with where the scene is at and designates consent to continue. Yellow indicates that the comfort zone is being pushed but that there is still consent to continue with the awareness that any further may be too far. Of course, there is red, indicating a full stop. There is no confusion about the use of the full stop safe word. Play stops, period. You and your partner/s have the freedom to choose words that you will use in your play but keep in mind that there needs to be no doubt whatsoever regarding what the words are and what each of them means.  

So, let’s be real for a moment here. There are plenty of situations that an individual can be in where their mouth is not free or their ability to verbally communicate is no longer existent. These are the moments that reinforce the importance of not only having a safe word but having a safe gesture. Whether you agree on squeezing a hand a number of times, tapping out, or creating your own gesture, these are vital for those who play with breath, gags, or any activity where your mouth is full. Erring on the side of caution can only enhance play so having both a safe word and a safe gesture can allow for a safer, more comfortable and more connected experience. 

Now, if a safe word has been established, shared and agreed upon, there is one more component that is crucial to discuss. This is the actual use of safe words. I have heard far too many times stories of individuals hesitant or even against using safe words. The problem with this mindset is that it is doing a disservice to every person involved in the play. Safe words are meant to keep boundaries in place and crossing those boundaries can result in the type of physical and/.or emotional harm that deters folks from playing again in the future. As much as a submissive trusts that their Dominant will adhere to the use of safe words, a Dominant trusts that their submissive will use it if necessary as well. Trust that a safe word will be respected on ALL sides is key to play and if safe words are not used when needed, the boundaries are violated for everyone involved. 

In addition, it is important to note that submissives/bottoms are not the only people that benefit from or are entitled to the use of safe words. Limits can be crossed for all folks within a scene and the idea that Doms do not or should not safe word is problematic and dangerous. All of those involved have the right to opt out of play at any given time and we must remember that boundaries are not limited to only subs and bottoms. 

All in all, the use of safe words is an incredibly important component in kink play. To allow ourselves to be completely immersed in the play with the knowledge that we have the freedom to opt out at any point is what can make the play itself even more intense and powerful. Trust is built when all parties involved adhere to the boundaries created and trust is the key to unlock the endless potential of pleasure that we can all experience.


About The Author

Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, Elyssa Rice, fetish, safeword, sex

10 Fun Ways to Spice Up a Long-Distance Relationship

August 3, 2020 By JC Way 2 Comments

  • hearts, long distance bdsm relationship
    via stock.adobe.com

Long-distance becomes a challenge for people that are in relationships. Couples that are many miles apart must work diligently to spice things up and keep the love connection strong. Those that are serious about maintaining a relationship with their mate will look for ways to keep the fire burning. There are many ways to do this. Creative couples can always find fun ways to connect, even when they are not physically together. 

1. Phone calls

In the world of social media, it has become so easy to get lost in those text message only relationships. People can find themselves drifting apart because they’re not having conversations. Some text messages get lost in translation. It is advantageous for anyone that is engaging in a long-distance relationship to consider making phone calls. A sexy voice in the middle of the night can be alluring. People that put their time into making calls are also reassuring their partners of their love. 

2. Remote Control Sex Toys

Another thing that helps people that are in long-distance relationships are remote control sex toys, especially vibrators. It should be no surprise that sex toys can be great for video calls. It is easy to watch one another with remote vibrators and experience intimacy even when there is distance. There should always be an outlet for expressing intimacy between couples, and it is essential to put these remote sex toys to use regularly because it strengthens the bond. 

3. Watching Movies Together 

It is easier to watch movies together in the age of video streaming. You can engage in conversations about movies as you watch something at the same time. There are so many movies that you can stream, and this makes it easy to find apps that have movies that both of you can start simultaneously.

4. Virtual Reality Video Games 

Playing virtual reality games together can also be something that spices up a relationship. There is a wide multitude of gaming options for those that are interested in the virtual world.

There is no shortage of gaming possibilities when it comes to playing action games and simulation games. Couples can feel like they are genuinely connected and in the same room with one another when they dive into these virtual reality experiences.

5. Video Calls / Dance Together While Apart

Participating in video calls gives you a chance to see one another. Seduction can occur this way. A little cleavage or a bit of undressing through a video chat can be a massive turn on that can open the doors to a stimulating evening.

6. Raunchy Text Messages 

This teasing with live video footage can be enhanced with raunchy text messages as well. Sending sweet text messages to one another during the day is nice, but a couple of sexual innuendos help couples shift gear and spice things up.

This is great because it is a short and simple way to let your partner know that you are thinking about them. The sexy text message is a break from the usual good morning or goodnight text messages. It heightens the level of arousal between long-distance couples and builds up the passion in the relationship.

7. Snail Mail 

Couples that think outside of the box see the beauty of the snail mail. They know that they can send beautifully crafted letters to one another that is much deeper than a text message. Crafting a letter takes time. It is showing extra effort. Letting writing is a lost art in the love department. Sending letters where you express your feelings can be something that can turn on your partner. The ability to have a letter that they can hold on to as a keepsake will go a long way.

8. Sending Gifts To One Another

It is also good to consider using the postal mail service to send gifts to one another. Sending a gift that is a surprise can be something that turns up the heat when it comes to a long-distance relationship. A package with sexy remote toys and other things like candy or your partner’s favorite music can be very useful in spicing up a long-distance romance. Everyone loves to get a gift and giving people gifts that they can use with you will be a great way to connect when you contact one another. 

9. Music

Listening to music together is something that can truly enhance the relationship as well. Some apps allow people to create playlists that they can upload and share with another. Take the time to video call one another and dance together to your favorite songs. Love songs that you share make for some of the best relationship memories. 

10. Planned Trips / Spontaneous Trips

Every aspect of the relationship does not have to be planned. Spontaneity is the spice of life in the relationship world. Sometimes it is good to decide to meet up spontaneously. Making a trip to see one another face to face can keep the momentum going in a long-distance relationship. Sometimes it is just good to hold one another, and taking the time to travel to one another will spice up any relationship. When you plan to meet, you can heighten your excitement by anticipating the trip to see one another.

You may even be able to surprise the person you are dating by simply showing up in their city or state. This is the element of surprise in a long-distance relationship that brings about excitement, and this type of excitement makes the relationship thrive.

The Final Verdict

You ultimately need to realize that the long-distance relationship works much better when you see how much sexual stimulation can be achieved even when you are not physically with one another. The ability to spice things up regularly with remote sex toys can be just the right amount of excitement needed to help you maintain intimacy when you are apart from one another.

–Sponsored Post

About the Author

Writer & Reviewer for The Sex Toy Collective, JC Way has covered everything from Butt Plugs to Fake Cum, sprinkling his dry British wit into all things sexy.

Tagged With: long distance, power exchange, sex toys, sexting

10 Bondage Sex Positions From Mild To Wild

July 26, 2020 By Sofia Gray 2 Comments

dark haired submissive chained to bed
via stock.adobe.com

If you are a regular reader of this site, then you are likely no stranger to bondage.  But if you are new to this site, then you may not yet have experienced some of the wonderful and sexy ways that you can combine bondage and sex.  

You don’t need to dive right in with ball-gags, leashes, and paddles. There are plenty of mild bondage positions for beginners to help ease you into this wonderfully kinky world of sex play. Once you master a few of these positions you can move onto more intense forms of bondage (if you decide your into it).

Grab your blindfold and handcuffs and let’s explore 10 bondage sex positions that will take you from mild to wild!

  1. Self-Bondage

If you’re new to the world of BDSM and bondage, it’s not a bad idea to practice with yourself before introducing another person into the mix. After all, bondage is all about trust and respect. And who can you trust more than yourself? 

Think of self-bondage as a different form of masturbation. You can experiment and try different things until you figure out what you like. Then, you can share these sexual insights with your partner. It eliminates the fear that they’ll do something you’re not comfortable with. Try a mix of sensual and strict self-bondage.

  1. Spread Eagle

Now that you’re ready to bring another person into your kinky games, let’s start with a basic sex position — spread eagle. This is probably a position you’ve held at one time or another without restraints. It makes everything accessible and easy to reach. Adding ankle and wrist restraints just make it all the more fun!

Lay on your back and have your partner tie your wrists and ankles to the bed. You’ll be in a starfish shape. This leaves your entire body vulnerable and exposed. You’re now at the mercy of your partner. They can kiss, lick, suck, and enter whatever part of you they want (as long as it’s consensual, of course) and there’s little you can do about it. Use a blindfold for an added element of surprise.

  1. Bent Over

Another vulnerable position and a popular one for bondage beginners is to stand bent over, with your wrists tied to your ankles. Not only is this a very compromising position (leaving your backend completely exposed for pleasure), but it requires a bit of flexibility and balance. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart for added stability.

Your partner can now hold your waist and hips from behind and enter you. Their grip will also help you balance. With your legs positioned close together and your hands tied to your ankles, your partner will have a tighter entry and your clitoris will also benefit from the added pressure and snug fit.

  1. Heels Over Head

This bondage position takes the bent over technique and flips it on it’s back — literally. One person lies on their back with their arms and legs straight up in the air. You can either tie their ankles together and then attach them to their wrists or tie all four limbs to the headboard. This leaves your lover in a compromising and totally erotic position.

This is a favorite bondage position for anyone who loves a good spanking. The person being tied up can enjoy both oral and penetrative sex from this angle. 

  1. Pinball Wizard

It’s time to harness your inner gymnast. This bondage position requires a bit more flexibility. The person being tied up needs to lay down with their back flush to the mattress. Next, they’ll thrust their hips upward toward the ceiling in a bridge position. Your partner will then bind your wrists behind your back. From here, they can grab your butt and you can wrap your legs around their waist for deep penetration. 

Invite your partner to kneel right between your legs for the most comfortable angle. Variations of this bondage position include tying your wrists above your head while you thrust your hips upward.

  1. Snow Angel

This bondage position is not nearly as innocent as it sounds! A different take on 69, you and your partner will be intertwined in ways you never imagined.

Lay on your back with legs spread eagle while your partner straddles you facing your feet. Now, wrap your legs around their waist and angle your pelvis upward. In this position, they can move backward and enter you. While they get to work on you, you can use an anal toy to pleasure them. This is the ideal position for those who enjoy anal play and stimulation, as well as impact play. You can pinch, smack (or even bite if you’re flexible enough), they’re vulnerable rump which is positioned close to your face. 

Don’t forget about his balls! You can also give those a gentle (or firm) tug. 

  1. Chair Bondage

Time to bring in the props! If you want to move things from the bed to another area, you might want to consider chair bondage. Similar to feeling like a sexy hostage, this is a great bondage position for role-playing.

Similar to the damsel in distress concept, chair bondage is comfortable and fairly easy to sustain for long periods of time. The best part is, you can use any chair in your living space. Have your partner tie your wrists to the arms and your ankles to the legs. Add a blindfold, ballgag, or tie around the waist for even more restrictive play. You can also purchase sex furniture or a chair with a hole in the seat for easy access. In this position, you can explore oral and penetrative sex. You can also explore both slow, sensual sex and more intense fun that involves plenty of pinching and whipping!

  1. Leapfrog

If you enjoy doggy style sex, you’ll love this next bondage position. Leapfrog gives you and your partner several fun options for entry. 

You start by laying on your stomach with your chest on the mattress and your backside in the air. Your partner will place a restraint on each of your ankles but with your legs spread wide. Next, they’ll bind your wrists together, pull your hands down between your legs, and attach them to your ankle restraints. Think of child-pose but with your hands underneath your body instead of above your head. If this position puts too much strain on your neck or shoulders, try it with your arms on the outside of your knees but still bound to your ankles. 

Have fun with rear entry or let your partner flip you on your back for a position similar to heels overhead. Spreader bars are another good bondage accessory to have if you enjoy this position because they keep your legs at the perfect distance for comfortable play!

  1. Hogtie

This bondage position isn’t for the faint of heart. Hogtie is one of the most well-known bondage positions but it’s also one of the most extreme and involves your wrists and ankles being tied behind your back and then together. People who enjoy this position are often highly experienced in BDSM and get-off on feeling completely helpless. A ballgag is often used, as well. 

Laying on your stomach, your partner will start by restraining your wrists and ankles together, individually. Next, they will pull your chest upward off the mattress to tie your bound wrists to your ankles. You’ll need plenty of flexibility to avoid discomfort when being hogtied. The closer the wrists and ankles are together, the more strain you’ll feel. If you want easier access, try tying your ankles separately with your legs farther apart.

  1. Mummification

If immobility is what you’re after, then the mummification bondage position is perfectly naughty. This is a full-body form of bondage and doesn’t involve access for sex since that would be nearly impossible. Instead, this bondage position involves restraints and the inability to move as the center of sexual pleasure. 

It’s important to go slow when attempting this position and always keep the lines of communication open. Even the most experienced BDSM participants might feel claustrophobic once they’re bound from head to toe. Keep safety tools accessible if you need to free your partner at a moments notice. 

The position itself is exactly what it sounds like. Using rope, tape, plastic wrap, or a combination to completely bind a person from their ankles up to their neck. Some people enjoy leaving the genitals or breasts exposed for sexual play and teasing. 

Bondage Isn’t Just for the Wild and Crazy (but it can be!)

Don’t be fooled into thinking that bondage is only for those who are insanely kinky and wild. There are plenty of ways to safely explore the world of BDSM and bondage without being hogtied and gagged. Start by using a comfortable pair of handcuffs and a silky blindfold. Take things up a notch with a tickler or crop. 

Before you know it, you’ll be begging your partner to slap your ass and tie you in increasingly compromising positions. Just always remember to play within your partner’s comfort zone and respect their boundaries. 

*This is a sponsored post

The author is April Sutphen at Sofia Gray – The largest online used underwear marketplace.

Tagged With: bondage positions, bondage sex, sofia gray

Neediness is not a good trait in a submissive

July 19, 2020 By Ms. Rika 5 Comments

mistress dominating male slave on leash
via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly! 

Neediness breeds sub-centric behavior – Why neediness is a poor motivation strategy 

A needy person, by definition, is someone who is driven by a quest to satisfy their own internal desire. A straight dictionary definition of “needy” deals primarily with money – but the Urban dictionary defines needy in a way that better fits the way we’re using it: 

“Requiring attention beyond what is normative.” 

A sub who is “needy” – who demands attention to their plight – doesn’t make a very good submissive, because the motivation for their actions is self-serving. They are trying to quench their own desires. And, once satiated (if that’s even possible), and they are no longer needing fulfillment, their motivation disappears. This is what I’ve been terming sub-centric behavior. The focus of the sub is not on pleasing the dominant, it’s on satisfying their own need by whatever means necessary. 

I would argue that, anything which increases the amount of neediness in a sub, increases the amount of sub-centric intent that person has. This might even be considered “by definition”, if you really think about it. 

So, if that’s true, motivating a sub by creating neediness is counter-productive – if your aim is to create a dominant-centric dynamic. You’re driving that sub to more and more sub-centricity – focusing him more and more on the end-goal of satisfying HIMSELF. No matter how immediately effective it is in the short term, I think it’s a bad technique for the long term. 

The short-term effects of neediness, if not addressed, often wear off, unless the dominant chooses to reinforce that neediness – to maintain it. The concern for the dominant is to make sure that the sub does not get complacent or comfortable – which would reduce the desire and therefore the motivation for compliance. So, they find themselves being forced to track and monitor the sub’s level of desire – perhaps manipulate it to keep it piqued. That’s a lot of work, if you ask me. 

So regardless of whether it “works” or not, the tactic of increasing neediness as a means of motivation is not something I would want in my dynamics (or FLRs) because it is not something that builds the kind of consistent self-discipline a sub requires to dedicate himself to his submission for the long term – something he will require if he is to remain submissive, independent of his level of need (which varies over time). 

Some will argue that “a sexually satisfied sub is a lazy sub” and theories like this that suggest a sub male who is allowed to orgasm on a regular basis becomes lazy and inattentive to his dominant’s desires and needs. They then conclude that one of the things that a dominant must do is to increase his need by not allowing him to orgasm regularly through T&D, chastity, etc. 

This is only true if you allow it to be true. If you allow this presumption to have merit, it will. Submission is an outward expression of dedication to another person, not an inward reflection of one’s own desperation. I enjoy T&D, but it does not build submission. 

Reward vs. Internal Benefit 

Others argue that, “No human being ever does anything without the prospect of a reward”. This is quite a skeptical statement, just from a societal standpoint, but the real argument is in the use of the word “Reward”. 

I use the word “reward” differently the words “personal benefit”. To me, a reward is something you get for something from the person for whom you did the task. It is often something promised in advance and used to entice a person to complete a task. It is a form of payment. In this context, I don’t agree that people need a reward to do something. On the other hand, I do agree that people are motivated by the benefits for themselves. A sub who enjoys to serve benefits from the dynamic as much as the person being served. But that benefit comes from within themselves. 

It’s not just semantics. A sub who serves because he loves the feeling of making the dominant happy receives his benefit from within. The dominant doesn’t give him happiness, he experiences it himself because submission works for him. Does he benefit? Of course! But is the dominant obligated to provide something to him in exchange for his service? No. A reward would be something given to the submissive IN EXCHANGE, OR REMEDIATION, FOR their submission. The phrase “Submission is its own reward” is a little misleading, in my opinion. That type of “reward” is a self-appropriated benefit. It’s not the same thing as if the dominant rewarded the sub for their service. 

I think that’s the same differentiation for the use of the word “Needy”. A sub who is needy is one who is demanding that the dominant fulfill that need. Whether they come out and demand it, or just act up to get attention, or whose service suffers because of their selfish desires. Needing to submit is something that the sub can fulfill for themselves through their own actions. It’s not something that they are demanding that the dominant provide. 

The one who is obligated, matters 

I frequently encounter couples where the dominant feels “obliged” to think up things for the submissive to do…to keep the submissive busy and fulfilled in their submission. The submissives in these situations are completing their tasks as quickly as they can, and then immediately searching for more. 

Wanting more tasks to do and pestering a dominant to think up more tasks are two very different things. How the submissive materializes his need determines how much attention he requires. A submissive who completes his task and then hounds his dominant with “What’s Next” questions isn’t serving the dominant. However, if he completes a task he can continue to serve by following the wishes and preferences of his dominant – if she likes proactive service, he can seek out new tasks and things to do by himself without forcing her to focus on him. If she doesn’t like proactive service, then he can serve by simply being quiet and patiently awaiting her next order – making himself ready and willing without requiring attention. 

Many will argue that, when we are in a relationship, we are “responsible” for fulfilling the needs of our partners – D/s or otherwise. That it is the job of one partner to fulfill the others’ needs. 

The way I see it, we are responsible for our own happiness. I view obligation in a relationship slightly differently. When we’re in a relationship, we care about our partners. We consider their needs. We recognize that mutual satisfaction of needs is something that is required for a relationship to last – When needs are not met in a relationship, the relationship is in jeopardy. We want our partners to be fulfilled. This doesn’t change because you have a power dynamic. The difference between helping a partner feel fulfilled and being responsible for their happiness. 

Believing that you have an obligation to fulfill your partner’s desires is a kind of old-fashioned thought. I look at it as a much more natural extension of caring. I don’t feel OBLIGATED, but I feel joy in knowing I can make him happy and fulfill his desires. That’s part of what creates the bond between two partners. I don’t do things for my husband because it’s my obligation to do them – I do them because I love him and want to see him happy. It’s natural and non-burdening. 

Just as in a non-power-based relationship, I find joy in seeing my submissive happy. I do things for him, just because he enjoys them, because I care for him and love to see him happy. However, we have a power dynamic and therefore, the things he does for me, he does because he is my submissive and has committed to serve me. He granted me, by virtue of his commitment to serve me, the entitlement to EXPECT and DEMAND that he fulfills my every wish; need or want. Just being in a relationship doesn’t give you the right to demand. It gives you the right to walk away from the relationship if you don’t get what you need – but it does not entitle you to demand fulfillment of your wants. The D/s power commitment obligates the submissive and entitles the dominant. 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A- Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, Ms. Rika, neediness, obligation, reward, submission

The touch that triggers panic

July 12, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 3 Comments

choke neck squeeze of submissive woman by dom
via stock.adobe.com

I have a trigger.  I hate using that word, since it brings to mind the watered-down version of today’s culture, which seems to mean I got uncomfortable or had my feelings hurt.

No.

I mean the word as it meant to be used.  A series of specific physical stimuli can create a panic response in me, to the point of a legitimate panic attack.  We discovered it by accident, as one often does with this sort of thing.

I’ve had an issue with having my neck touched for a very long time.  In fact, it is solidly on my hard limit list.  It was from a bad experience 10+ years ago.  Not long after that, I had a partner come up behind me and loop an arm around my neck and he found himself dangling across my back, the only thing keeping him from a judo throw and a potential back injury was that my blind response no longer had hold of me once the pressure on my neck was gone.  Not so when combined with other sensations.  Better to just not provoke my body’s fight response.

Early on with my current partner, I informed him of my issue.  We made the decision together to attempt to soften the aversion I held for that touch.

I want to be really clear for a moment.  None of what we attempted or accomplished was with the assistance of a counselor or therapist, and other than a basic idea of the concept of immersion therapy, and have little to no actual educational basis for our actions.  We were lucky to find some modicum of success.  Not everyone who attempts to overcome their own stuff will have the same result.  Hell, perhaps no one else will.  I cannot speak for anyone else.

We began slowly.  Over an extended period of time – days, not hours, he touched my collarbone non-threateningly for just a moment.  The next time it was a moment longer.  Once I gained some comfort with that action, we moved his hand slightly and repeated the process.  After concerted effort, we succeeded in him being able to rest his hand upon my neck fully.  After additional time had passed we were able to explore some mild breath play.

The trouble came when it combined with other sensations which could potentially be interpreted as negative.  The first time it happened I was not in a position to communicate effectively regarding my distress.  Having no idea I had a hidden landmine, we tripped it and I discovered what a panic attack was.

Well.  After a little distance and some self-analysis, I decided it was a combination of sensations which pushed me over the edge.  Having newly recognized and super fun trauma to overcome in the context of our D/s dynamic meant there were times we were going to work on it when it killed any sexual enjoyment I had been experiencing.  It was like a light switch, and where once the light shone warmly, the moment effectively flipped the switch to anxiety and a desire to flee.

But we continued.  We set up an emergency signal to indicate emotional anxiety during times when I couldn’t speak the words.  We added those individual elements back into our sexual repertoire, albeit individually and in small increments.  As we worked on those things separately, over time, we we able to get to the point of recombining them.  It took possibly a year or so by my estimation, clearly not a quick process or one without risk of explosion.

I celebrated mightily the day we were able to do those things again.  I don’t remember how – perhaps I sang some Queen and took a lap.  It wasn’t so much that I enjoyed the experience as it was the triumph of regaining the ability to do them without falling apart.  Most of my enjoyment came from that victory rather than from the ability to take pleasure in the act itself.  I hoped in time that would change and I would have my freedom from those chains.

Of course it did, just not as I hoped.  It was one thing to say the words that this would always be with me, a completely different thing to actually understand the magnitude of them.  We went through a period of time when the things which had comprised that emotional land mine were less present for us.  We avoided touching my throat because I got sick and it was swollen.  It just fell away a bit.  Somewhere along the way I backslid.  I lost some of the progress I’d made, and things we’d been able to do six months ago bring anxiety and the first rushes of panic again.  It was a hard realization that this really will be with me forever, in some sense.

I celebrate that I made progress in this battle, and I will overcome again.  I don’t have to think about it the way it stole my thoughts before, since it only rears up on occasion anymore.  I hope some day it will lie dormant, an emotional cancer finally eliminated by radiation.

Whether I get there or not, I will continue to fight for myself and my mental well-being, and I will continue to encourage others to find the paths they need in order to face their own landmines with courage.  In solidarity, we can all become better versions of ourselves, one day at a time, whatever the method of achievement may be.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, choking, christmas bunny, kink, neck, trigger

Feelings in Poly & BDSM

July 5, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

submissive poly woman is looks sad while experiencing some feelings
via stock.adobe.com

Feelings are a funny thing.

Sometimes we have them and aren’t really sure why, or can’t put it into words.  It can take some introspection to thoughtfully realize a root cause and then some work to find the right words to express those feels in a way that doesn’t assign blame to another.

Let’s all say it together:  “Feelings aren’t right or wrong, good or bad.  Feelings just are.  The part that really matters is how we each choose to respond to those feelings, since that’s the only part we can truly control.”

It’s true, though, as much as it may sound like a platitude.  I think of it more like my mantra.  When I have unexpected or confusing feelings, I remind myself that they are an automatic response to a set of stimuli rather than something I can control.  In my case, often the response is initially rooted in my abandonment issues.  Any time they have an opportunity to rear their heads, they generally take it, and quite gleefully, I’d suspect, if they could.

*You aren’t good enough,* they whisper.  *You’ll never be good enough.*  *He’s going to leave you, the only question is when, not if.*

They have a litany of my flaws, which they collect on a scroll and delight in reading to me at random moments.  They try to push me to run as a first response to any sign that someone is displeased with me, or that conflict is imminent.  They will take hiding as a second choice when I push back against running, which has meant Santa has once or twice found me curled up in a corner or tucked in a nook in the closet.

But how do I handle unknown things?  Particularly when I’ve spent a day and a half both actively trying to ascertain the root of said feelings and also quietly avoiding thinking by loudly singing along with the Dave Matthews Band station on iHeartRadio while cutting deliciously supple bullhide at my work station.

I find emotion a hindrance when attempting to find the root of feelings.  Being emotional has never given me a boost when it comes to attempting rational thought.  The first thing I have to do is set them aside, as clinically as possible.  Yes, I can still feel them if I allow myself to dwell, but that isn’t a helpful exercise.  Rather, I need to be able to form them into a lump and examine them from the outside in order to work my way to their core.

Let’s take a simple but real scenario and break it down.  It’s one that happened recently and required a lot of dissection for me to understand it.  My partner was unable to make plans with his other partner because of a statewide shutdown, so she made arrangements to spend time with him at our shared residence.  I was happy to see her when she arrived, lingered downstairs for a popsicle, then wandered to my workroom to avoid intruding on their time together.  Except I realized I had left my phone charging in the room they were in, and me barging in to get it might very well ruin an intimate moment at that point.  So I dug out my laptop, messaged my partner there (since he’d be unlikely to be looking at his phone during any fun stuff), and asked that when he had a moment, could he toss my phone out.

Whew!  Awkwardness averted.  About half an hour later, he popped out with my phone, gave me a kiss, and returned to the room.  I had been totally fine the entire time.

Then he shut the door behind him.  My stomach twisted into a knot and I felt sick.  Why on earth was I upset?  It wasn’t at all rational.  I wasn’t jealous of their time together.  I knew I needed to poke at it, but in the moment was exactly the worst time to attempt to do so.  Knowing I was emotional, but unsure why, I held my tongue.  I continued to work and listen to music, deciding there would be time.

After a time, the door opened and I was invited to come hang with them for a while, so I gave them space on the couch and pulled up a spot on the bed that wasn’t between them.  We had a lovely rest of the afternoon, just chatting and enjoying one another’s company.  I waited to share my feelings with my partner until after the visit, not wanting to create a dark cloud over their limited time together.

I explained that I’d had some feelings.  I also stated that the feeling didn’t seem, on the surface, to be jealousy, but that I’d need some time to poke at it before I was really sure what the root was.  I planned to reach out to her once I had worked through it, so I wasn’t coming at her from a place of emotion, but just keeping lines of communication open so there would be no falsehood between us, either as friends or as metamours.

Over the next two days I poked at that strange emotion I’d experienced.  Was I wrong?  Could it be jealousy?  I examined it carefully before again discarding that conclusion.  Jealous is a fear of loss, and that wasn’t an accurate assessment of my feeling in that moment.  I spent some time journaling for myself in an attempt to understand.  It was something about that door.  That was the moment.

I explored that some more.  Why would a door closing bother me so?  Well, past experience has taught me about slamming doors.  I thought back upon my relationship with my partner.  Had there been a door slammed between us before?  I couldn’t recall even one.  In fact, pursing that thought process, I couldn’t recall any door other than one for a bathroom which had been closed between us for anything other than work or necessity.  Even when we’ve had other partners, often the relationships intertwined in ways that would mean even when a door was closed, it could still be opened at any time.  This was the first moment I could recall when I was not welcomed into a room with him, and in fact, actively shut out.

New things can be difficult.  However, understanding myself and my response was important, rather than becoming emotional and creating pain for him or his other partner.  I took the time to explore my feelings without needing to resolve them immediately.  For this particular example, the only real resolution was for me to understand myself.  I wasn’t seeking a change in his behavior, I just needed him to be aware that I had discovered something about myself.  Once I’d figured it out, we discussed it again, and I told him how I felt.  He gave me some affection, and the incident was over.

I addressed it with her afterwards, explaining that I’d had the feeling, and wanted her to know, but that it didn’t require any action on her part.  Submissives can sometimes be fixers, though, and she offered some compromise solutions that I knew would actually make her uncomfortable.  It was sweet, but I declined and reiterated that no action was necessary, but that I believe hiding things like these moments from partners, and even peripheral partners, such as my meta, is practicing dishonesty.  Those things can eat away at us, and become larger and more out of control the more we push them aside.

Feelings aren’t good or bad.  They just are.  Spend some time with yourself when you’ve experienced a strong emotion and do the work to understand why you respond the way you do.  It is important we have healthy responses to the way we handle possible conflict in our kink relationships.

About the Author
Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, christmas bunny, fetish, kink

Reconciling After Bad Behavior

June 28, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

Writing a journal in a kinky world
via stock.adobe.com

Being part of a community with all kinds of kinks means I am bound to come into contact with people who are less than savory.  I will also, sadly, likely give someone untrustworthy my trust.

Have, actually.  More than once.  Which presents a dilemma.

I am not responsible for someone else’s actions.  My warning or lack thereof is unlikely to change anything other than the way the object of warning sees me – as suddenly a meddlesome shittalker, determined to undermine some innocent person for my own reasons, to satisfy my own agenda.

Yet if I have had a notably negative experience with a person in the community, who am I to approach others about it?

The thing is, I often see two roads when it comes to things we see as consent violations. The first is denial or dismissal. The second is scorched earth. We really have no community consensus on how to proceed.

Is that the best way to handle things? The first is problematic, as by not speaking up, this person who doesn’t have the ability to comprehend that their actions caused pain is likely to repeat those actions (as I’ve seen), with the unspoken blessing of all those who turn a blind eye.  Such as me.

The second solution is problematic as it drives this person out of the scene, leaving them to prey upon members who may be less connected or outside of it, often leaving those other people without the resources or support that could have helped them.

How do we find a middle ground?

How do we implement a system that will identify people who are potentially dangerous and keep people safe while also allowing them to learn from their mistakes and become better aware of others, better negotiators, better people?

Can we genuinely help people understand and rehabilitate and where do we draw the line if they cannot acknowlege the damage they do or if it seems they don’t care?

Are there cases where we can see people benefiting from community involvement as learners, participants, but being careful to exclude them from leadership and the hazards that can bring?

Even after people behave badly, isn’t the goal to help them learn from their mistakes and become better people?  It seems we are often very long on memory and very short on forgiveness.  While I don’t have the answers to these questions, I believe we have to consider them within our own communities, have the hard conversations, and make decisions about how to handle these situations.  Sadly, we never know when we may need to have already done so.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, christmas bunny, fetish, kink

Being The Gambler

June 21, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

One of the most challenging things about human relationships can be knowing when to walk away from them.  Hell, knowing when to run can be just as difficult.

This time has been particularly challenging for relationships.  I’ve seen ones that seemed solid crumble early on in the lockdown, while others I knew were shaky have held on because the people in them felt they had no other options.  Finances are in trouble, sex is a struggle even on the best days, and those two things already point straight at a split or divorce without factoring in that everyone is stressed in ways many of us never anticipated.

But when is the time to go?

Well, if you’re asking yourself that, it probably already isn’t a great sign for the longevity of your relationship.  When your reason becomes staying because you can’t afford not to or because of the kids or the dog, it is long past time to have gone.

Ideally a breakup should happen when people realize they aren’t compatible long-term.  Unfortunately, feelings are messy and seldom so cut and dried.  Love, memories of past love, and misguided honor can keep us in bad or simply ill-fitting situations longer than we should let them.

If practicality can win, a separation occurs more clinically and the ability to retain friendship remains.  It happens before the disagreements become fights and the fights become unresolved issues and finally resentment.  Resentment generally become a rather drawn out an expensive divorce, in my experience.

The hardest part?  It isn’t admitting things aren’t working.  Odds are good your best friend or your mother or someone else you’re close to already knows.  You’ve told them yourself, even if it isn’t in those words.  The hardest part is letting go of what you believed your life was going to look like with that person.  You are letting go of your vision of your future, even if you’ve never sat down and explicitly planned it.  Maybe it was a flash of you with them in a rocking chair on a porch, white-haired and laughing.  Maybe it was visions of a mobile home driving cross country or living on a cruise ship.

You have to let those things go.  Maybe people are finding it easier to walk away from relationships now because they are already having to let go of what they imagined their futures would look like.  Letting go of a partner is just one more release among many, and the grieving can happen together.

You are exchanging your happy vision of what might be with a blank canvas.  That’s really fucking scary, particularly now.  But maybe there’s a better way to look at it.

You are exchanging nights of fighting in a home that feels like a war zone for nights of peace, wandering through the house in pajamas not worrying about the next fight.  You are exchanging words of hostility for silence, or even better, for the possibility of words of love and support from others.  You are exchanging eggshells for wood floors and peace and the possibilities ahead are endless.

You are exchanging a guarantee – misery every day or however often for a possibility of happiness in the future.  The unknown is a scary place, and it can be hard to give up even a miserable present in exchange for a world you can’t imagine.

When I was a little girl, my parents wanted the best for me.  They wanted me to be happy and find a partner who loved and cherished me.  As I got older, that desire didn’t change.  It’s what we all want for our children.  I have learned to ask myself questions.

Would my parents be filled with joy at how happy I am if they could see inside my relationship?  (Discounting any assumptions about bias – they don’t have to approve of the relationship, just my happiness level.)  Would they feel my partner treats me well or would they want to punch my partner if they really knew how they treat me?

And most of all:  do I want my children to grow up and have a relationship like this?  Is that the happiness I envision for them?  They will model their relationships on what they see from me.  Would I want my child to stay with a partner who makes them miserably unhappy, or would I open my arms, tell them to come come, and support them pursuing happiness?

If I wouldn’t want it for someone I love, the real question is, why don’t I love myself enough not to want it for me?

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, christmas bunny, fetish, kink

Manipulation, Passive Aggression & Want vs Need

June 14, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

Once upon a time I was following along with an interesting conversation in a chat group I belong to.  It wandered to the subject of partners and scening, impact and desires, as conversations do on occasion amongst kinky folks.  I wasn’t particularly engaged until something caught my eye.  I shall paraphrase:  “It’s most certainly a need for me. Getting pain safely from my Dominant keeps me from self harming.”

I suddenly saw red flags and heard alarm bells everywhere.  First issue:  this person was claiming that the endorphin rush from pain was a need rather than a strong want.  Second issue:  this person was placing their mental health directly on someone else’s doorstep rather than taking personal responsibility for it.  Third issue:  this person was creating a situation which had become manipulative – they were making their D-type feel guilty for not giving them what they wanted when they wanted it.

Need vs Want

The debate over whether kink is a need or a want is one I’ve heard a lot of takes on.  Ultimately, the arguments boil down to a few simple ones.  On the side arguing for it being a want, needs are defined as the things our bodies require to live, such as food, water, shelter, etx.  Spankings are not required to live.  On the side arguing for it being a need, people point out that in order to feel totally ourselves or release stress or whatnot, these releases are required, making it a mental health need.  Except I still feel that the word need is too strong.  Unless someone’s brain chemistry is such that they have become addicted in a way that going without regular doses of strong endorphins could be physically harmful, I still see kink as a want rather than a need.

Which means we need to discuss the possibility of being addicted to the endorphins.  I poked around the internet quite a bit before finally stumbling across an article discussing becoming addicted to endorphins, and mentioned the possibility of addiction to dopamine and oxytocin.  It basically suggested seeking out safe ways to indulge in scratching that itch, such as riding roller coasters.

Personal Responsibility for Mental Health

I absolutely believe that even if somene has become addicted to endorphins, placing the responsibility for their mental well-being upon someone else is just shitty behavior.  We are all each only responsible for ourselves.  I say this as someone in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange.  I am absolutely the only person responsible for my mental health.  It is not my partner’s job to “fix” me.  If I have an issue, I need to seek counseling or other professional assistance.  Dropping that burden at someone else’s feet is a cop-out, and completely unfair to them.  Most people sign on for a competent and functional partner rather than someone for whom they have to keep at a certain numerical score of happiness.  That’s what Sims are for, not romantic partners.

Bringing Manipulative and Passive Aggressive Behaviors into Relationships

Manipulation and passive-aggression are tools for the unempowered.  If someone has a relationship built on good communication, they have no need for those things.

It begins when they talk their partner into guilt that they shouldn’t rightfully bear.  The couple who agreed upon an open relationship with full disclosure shouldn’t be a cover for lying.  “I never really wanted this but I agreed because you caught me cheating, which I totally had an excellent reason for that I will justify, but now that you’re actually seeing someone else, you need to know how much it hurts me.  So just do whatever you want and I’ll find a way to deal with the pain you put me through.”

Yeah.  The genie is flashing red whilst reciting warnings of an imminent plane crash.  They seem like a loving partner because they are sacrificing their needs for the other person, when what they are really doing is trying to guilt them into doing what their will.

Of course, that wasn’t their first play.  The first thing they did was play on their partner’s insecurities.  The manipulator points out what their partner does or has done wrong and how they could have done it better, because helping them learn means they have their partner’s best interests at heart, right?  Except what they really want is for their partner to feel like they know things they don’t so they look to the manipulator for guidance.  Like setting themselves up as an experienced top, and then getting angry when they hurt their bottom and they want to stop, because the bottom must not be doing something right.  A loving partner would be concerned rather than angry they didn’t get their way.  Or like leading a group on polyamory and choosing a partner new to that relationship style, because that way they can be the expert and everyone else is “doing it wrong.”

Most of all, manipulators make other people responsible for their emotions.

Because then, their happiness, unhappiness, anger, or whatnot is all someone else’s fault.

So please be cautious.  People who don’t take personal responsibility, people who manipulate their partners – these are the kinds of people who are potentially dangerous, both to the individual and to their communities.

 

Further reading:

https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/can-be-addicted-to-endorphins.htm

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-warning-signs-of-manipulation-in-relationships/

https://time.com/5411624/how-to-tell-if-being-manipulated/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation

About the Author
Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, christmas bunny, fetish, kink

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to page 3
  • Go to page 4
  • Go to page 5
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Go to page 8
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Versatile bondage straps (locking)

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Sexy top & skirt

Latest comments

  • subbyJoe on Slave Auction-It’s For A Good CauseLove <3
  • fancyfeet on Slave Auction-It’s For A Good CauseI WANT MORE PLEASE :P
  • babygirl on When The Kink Doesn’t ClickIf your kinks aren't compatible would you say that poly is a good option to explore?

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2021 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in