You have heard or seen humiliation and or degradation before in sexual scenes. The Dominatrix says to her sub “You are a dirty little sissy slut, and Mistress is going to fuck your useless ass”, or you have seen it in porn, for example, the submissive tied up kneeling on the bathroom floor with her mouth open and the word “toilet” scrawled on her body and face as a variety of men stand around urinating on her and in her mouth.
What is it about humiliation and degradation that plays so powerfully as a fetish in kink?
There is an arousal response that occurs when someone is humiliated. The arousal response is the constellation of physiological changes—e.g., increased muscle tension, tachycardia and secretion of catecholamines—which help prepare the body for expenditure of a large amount of energy; also known as. the “fight-or-flight response”. For some people, that response occurs to them as sexually arousing.
The fight or flight response can occur as sexual arousal because the sexual arousal response is quite similar in some ways to the fight or flight response. The sexual arousal response is the sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused. It occurs in 3 phases. It’s during the first 2 phases of the sexual arousal response, desire (or libido) and arousal (excitement) that the person who finds humiliation and degradation arousing experiences the fight or flight response as arousing.
I have had submissives who are aroused by fear. The fear of being punished, the fear of being used hard and so on. Well in the case of these submissive women, their fear is compressed with their feelings of sexual arousal and so they seek situations where they can be humiliated or degraded as part of their sexual self-expression.
During the first phase of sexual arousal, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, (like in a play scene), a person may experience any of the following:
– Muscle tension increase
– Heart rate quickening
– More rapid breathing
– Flushing of the skin
– Nipple erection and hardening
– Genital blood flow increases resulting in erection of the penis and swelling of the labia and clitoris
– Vaginal lubrication begins and vaginal walls swell
– The breasts become fuller
– The testes swell and the scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting lubricating liquid
This list represents all the physical changes that could occur during this phase, but its quite conceivable that a person may experience one or more of these symptoms directly as a result of being humiliated or degraded which illustrates how humiliation and degradation can be interpreted as sexually arousing. During the second phase of sexual arousal, those changes listed are intensified with breathing, heart rate and blood pressure also increasing. It’s easy to imagine how the fight or flight response can be experienced as sexual arousal because the physiological changes that occur in either one are so similar to each other.
There are whole kink constructs developed around humiliation and degradation. Take the example of the husband with a tiny penis who is cuckhold by his wife who dates men with much large dicks and who constantly humiliates him by saying things like “you could never satisfy me with that tiny dick” or “put that in a cage, its not needed any more, a real man will fuck me” and so on. I recently met such a small penis kinkster who is 8 months in chastity and who is being sissified by his Mistress who humiliates him to the point that he is required to dress in women’s lingerie and service her and the large-dicked men, also known as Bulls, she brings home. To please her, he fluffs the Bull and cleans her pussy or ass after he fucks her, and then he cleans the Bull’s dick. He does not identify as gay or bi. His entire world of sexual arousal is based on humiliation and degradation, and for sure that is just one example of a hundred possible scenarios. On the other hand, in a typical heterosexual relationship, the male partner may experience arousal when his partner says things to him like “I’m going to fuck your sissy ass” while she fingers his ass and massages his prostate, with that level of humiliation being more than enough to sexually arouse him to his satisfaction. Similarly, my slut likes me to call her “a dirty girl”, and “a filthy whore” because she enjoys ass to mouth, which I also love. I will also add that as a sexual sadist, I get a certain rise out of doing things that are humiliating or degrading to my slut. From putting her in a cage with ginger in her ass to pissing down her throat after I have caned her ass, these acts cause a sexually arousing physiological response in me as well as in her such that we both thrive sexually.
Consider that something occurs as humiliating only if the person being targeted with the humiliating task or phrase experience the phrase or task as humiliating. At the same time, I humiliate my slut by calling her a “filthy whore”, which arouses her, and so even though its clearly degrading to call her – someone I love – a” filthy whore’, in context it serves to arouse her.
The argument then, is that for humiliation and degradation to make sense in a sexual scene, the target of that humiliation and degradation needs to be sexually aroused by the humiliation. If I were to call my slut “a filthy whore” and it has the impact of making her feel bad, then that would take her out of a sexual context and disrupt the scene.
When I piss in my slut’s ass, it is a very dominant act that is degrading to her on one level, but on another level, she is deeply aroused by my doing so, to the point that she masturbates vigorously while I do so.
When I put her in pussy chastity and made her an ass whore for a month, was that humiliating? Well, it is degrading to be told you are in chastity for a month for sure, but she loves anal sex and while she got sexually frustrated at her pussy not being used, she loved getting related to her ass as a sex organ at the same time.
Humiliation and degradation are kinks. They are a fetish, but unlike say, flogging, which is very much physical, they are kinks that expand the dynamic. They do so as either direct or indirect stimuli. They are not always as direct as impact play for example. Whether its direct like chastity, or indirect like a phrase, incorporating humiliation and degradation into your dynamic is really about getting into your partner’s head.
All sexual encounters are ultimately psychological encounters in the end. Sure, sex itself is physical, but it is the degree of arousal and the intensity of the experience that fetishes and kinks play on that make the experience more psychological than physical, and more intense physically.
We are very kinky people. We live in a 24/7 TPE. Consider that. It is an always on, total power exchange. She has gifted me her power when it comes to our sexual dynamic and our relationship. This means that when I tell her to get ready, she stops what she is doing, she goes off to the bathroom and she prepares herself to be a 3-hole whore. She prepares herself like she is going out on a date, she makes up her face, she voids her bowel and bladder, she crawls to the living room and she kneels on the floor to wait for me to use her. She understands that whatever I choose to do, she is prepared for. I have her complete consent. This is based in trust. She knows me as a sensual sadist and a generous lover. She knows that I love her and that I do not break my toys. She also knows that there is nothing wrong and so it is of no concern to me or her if she reds out. With that knowledge she will literally do whatever I ask her to do in order to please me, because she belongs to me and she is my service slut. The degrading things I do to her, from a daily maintenance spanking to pissing in her ass or down her throat are just part of her experience of deep arousal and they heat up our already hot scenes so that when we play, we experience every sexual encounter with each other as a very intense encounter which is so very steamy that we are left quite literally exhausted after we play.
Humiliation and degradation are absorbed into our dynamic and they keep our sexual self-expression hotter and more exciting than ever. And the key thing is that she is aroused by being used when I use her in a degrading way or when I say the humiliating things I say to her, she is deeply aroused. For example, imagine how she must be feeling to have the overwhelming urge to masturbate and slap her clit hard while I am pissing in her ass at the end of a scene. She does this volitionally and organically and not because I gave her an instruction to do so. It is her self-expression as she explores her experience of intense arousal during a degrading act.
I could write this article about any aspect of our TPE. Remember, it always boils down to consent. Every kink you engage in as a Dom with an s-type MUST start with consent.
With consent, anything goes. Even humiliation and degradation.
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