Please tell our readers a little about your experience in the Kink community.
My interests were very much an introverted endeavour up until 2012. This is when I started training at the Salon Kitty’s dungeons to become a Pro Domme. It was here where I started to meet those with similar mindsets, and who encouraged me to start to explore the community at large.
I still keep largely to myself, but I do show my head when the energy or the desire strikes. This includes touring to Singapore (singaporedomme.com), Hong Kong (hongkongdomme.com), and further afield once a month to see/acquire personal submissives or Dom/me friends. I also maintain a few long distance connections that I really treasure – thanks to the online Kink Community. Otherwise, it’s a very quiet life in a bit of a jungle that I have for myself in the tropics.
Interestingly, I also find that attending larger events is less tough on my introverted personality if I do so in a ‘Pro Domme’ capacity. It’s as if the ‘persona’ builds a shield to make it possible for me to be there. When I do attend these events I do gather benefit and meet people that I adore – but I am also exhausted after.
A quiet kinkster in an ongoing battle between indulgence and introversion perhaps…
What do you think makes for a good Dominatrix- personality, skills, abilities, etc.?
I am going to address what I believe makes a good Lifestyle Domme as well as a Professional Dominatrix.
For both, I believe that a ‘good’ representation can come in many forms. Different combinations of personality, skill, and ability can work very well, and may suit different submissives accordingly. However, I do believe that there are a couple of qualities that are deeply beneficial for the best relationships or success in the long run – self-awareness and empathy. I believe that without these you will not be able to have a fair awareness of your relationship or scene. Personally, I believe that without this awareness, it is quite unlikely that genuine satisfaction or progression can come into play for any party.
Something I share with my slaves can perhaps better encapsulate this. I often tell them that ‘you cannot train anyone until you have trained yourself’. Training takes awareness and empathy, not only of the submissive, but of my own state of being, needs, strengths, and weaknesses.
In the case of a Professional Dominatrix, I would add that a business background or course would definitely benefit. You essentially want to think of yourself as a start-up company, and the innovative thinking that start-ups utilise to succeed will really help you navigate our market. It is a market of many obstacles in stigma and legislation – so perseverance and entrepreneurship is what you’re going to need.
Can you elaborate more on how your site works? How many slaves do you have? Where are they from? What is the overall training method used?
Since launching in January 2018, over 250 ‘slaves-in-training’ from six continents have taken my online courses at youwillpleaseme.com.
youwillpleaseme.com is my online slave training playground. Here, I have crafted a space that has four core courses. These courses train willing ‘slaves-in-training’ in understanding who I am, how I think, and what I want from them. They do this simply by completing each task. The tasks are laid out in a courseware format.
There are also simple daily tasks that are new each day to remind you of your service as well as ‘insider’ photos, videos, and ‘Dear Diary’ blog posts to expand your awareness of who I am. I believe that the most compatible service relationship will emerge only if you are in agreement of and have an awareness of my true personality and preferences.
Therefore, you could say that the overall training method I use is clarity of instruction, honesty of (my) personality, and perhaps (definitely) a hint of seduction. There is an element of the erotic that I always carry with me.My photos and audio/video instructions reflect and promote just this. Not to get into it too heavily, but I deeply believe that engaging with our sexuality is a powerful way to program my desires into those I touch.
What do you feel is the most effective way to conduct slave training?
Prior to the launch of my slave training site, I only met and trained slaves in real time. However, I have found that having my site proves a great way for potential slaves to get to know me, gauge their own interest, and improve their chances of serving me in deeper capacities – all without my constant supervision. This is both effective and efficient. Slaves get to know me in a deep way without the potential nerves, time, or finances that they may have had to invest in real time.
This has clearly also enabled me to find a more rapid number of compatible slaves worldwide in a way I would not have been able to even with all of my international touring.
This being said, it is also due to the clarity of my site and my capacity to communicate authentically and effectively – these qualities really shape the quality of the slaves that do commit.
Therefore, I believe that if you bring self-awareness, empathy, clarity, and communication to any slave training process-with proper planning, scheduled check-ins, an openness to redefining protocol, and compassion in recognizing change – beautiful outcomes and relationships will happen.
What are the benefits of online vs. in person training? What are the cons?
As mentioned, my online slave training site almost fast-tracks many in an awareness of who I am; it is able to reach all continents in a single moment, and I can effectively train many potential slaves at once.
To be honest, the longer that I am in the ‘online’ training world, I am seeing more similarities emerge between it and real-time relationships. Particularly in the patterns of growth, attachment, and relationship development.
However, for some there is definitely a physical tactility that is missed. I stress that this isn’t for all, contrary to what I may have thought prior to starting my online training platform.
I do assign physical tasks online that slaves do on my behalf, and for contracted slaves I do sometimes try to negotiate sending them to other consenting Dominatrices. However, again, this second point is not always welcomed as the service and contracted connection with myself is often the crux.
This all said, I personally still also adore in-person training. This is where my talent for intensity and the erotic often get a more challenging space to play in.
What are some things to avoid during training?
I feel that as thorough an awareness as possible of psychological background and potential triggers are necessary prior to an authentic training relationship/experience – for all roles involved.
I have recommended professional clinical assistance to those who I felt were not ready to step into a space with me, or others – I need my slaves to be able to at least sufficiently stand with their own minds before entering the challenge that will be our relationship.
Personally, I have also been caught in the trap of my own inflated ego over the years – and so I keep myself in check by regularly reflecting on the motivations behind my instruction/emotions during training. This makes sure that I am acting with the training’s best interests at heart and not putting myself unreasonably ahead of my slave’s current capacity – especially for ego’s sake!
In your opinion, what is the biggest benefit to being your slave?
I think one of my biggest strengths is that I am a uniquely genuine and kind leader that has the intelligence and emotional capacity to be able to draw lines fairly, and draw out potential in a remarkable, authentic, and sustainable way.
With how I am structured, my slaves benefit from this in a way that challenges them, that changes them, and that focuses them – but in a way that they sometimes don’t even notice.
I enjoy nuance, prioritize fairness, and adore deep, joyful, and satisfying growth, These are likely the sweetest benefits that a slave can acquire when they train with me.
What are some of your fetishes? How do these fetishes play out within your slave training site?
Protocol, intelligence, consideration, and I haven’t yet found the word but – that look in your eye when you’re experiencing something that you never imagined existed. I adore seeing you have your breath taken away.
I get to experience this ‘look’ by watching your pupils dilate in real-time; it is also expressed online through rising tributes, support, and incredible devotion – from those who engage authentically with the tasks on my slave training site. I see the outcomes of these tasks, and am notified when they are being followed genuinely.
Protocol, intelligence, and consideration – these are deeply integrated into the flow and content of the site itself- are the reasons why youwillpleaseme.com even exists. I also get extra kicks through a points system that is awarded to slaves when they adhere to/complete the online courses. This is their reward for adherence to its built-in protocol – which takes both intelligence and consideration to do authentically. Each month, I choose my best points earners for unique privileges that have included custom clips and even a day of service for a US sub during DomCon LA.
I also have many, many fetishes that are grounded in different things from visual to tactile to a touch of the sadistic. But in all honesty, these are indulged and used in order to serve my overarching motivations as mentioned above.
What is the biggest personal benefit you receive from the site and from being a Dominatrix?
Humility. Now, I understand how this could sound absurd coming from a Dominant. However, I am going to stand by it as my biggest personal benefit for the moment.
There is something about the constant indulgence in self-importance, and the adherence to it by my submissives and slaves that inspires a deep gratitude in me. It’s a gratitude that encourages me to self-reflect so as to keep a level head for us all. With this comes a humility that I never quite grasped in my life prior to life as a Dominatrix – where you get so many opportunities for interactions of the transparent D/s dynamic. I have had the opportunity to succeed and fail so many times, which allows me to move closer and closer to a sense of balance of relationship and self.
This humility is a grand quality that really eases my place in the world, and brings a deeper level of contentment to my existence.
Has the site, being in the Kink community, and/or being a Dominatrix led to self growth in your own life?
Very much so. In addition to the benefits in the last answer, my daily life has benefitted from a better understanding of negotiation and consent as practiced in the Kink Community. This is something even Dommes can battle with and compromise around widespread, public male entitlement.
I also feel a much better sense of self-acceptance and empathy through my experience as a Dominatrix – as so many encourage and clearly adore my personality as a Female Dominant (something else that society at large does not nurture or encourage).
What is the best advice you can give to those looking to become a Dominatrix?
There are really so many ways to go about it. There are many accomplished Dominatrices who both trained with dungeons/experienced Dommes, and those who gathered information through the community/self-learning.
I can largely speak to my experience as a dungeon- trained Dominatrix. Personally, I feel this was an incredible way to go about training as you are able to see the many styles at work, practice with all the equipment you may not be able to afford otherwise, and see the business of it in action – from the get go. You also get to pull on a wealth of diverse experiences this way, and you learn fast about the community at large and protocols of respect – or you’re out.
If you don’t have the opportunity to begin this way, or if it sounds unappealing, I would say to pursue a combination of classes, books, menteeship, and/or education that suits your interests. Try to assist others that suit your interests for a while, and then embark on a few trial sessions either with supervision or with a trusted sub who will commit to giving you constructive feedback.
This cycle actually never really ceases. I believe that the most sustainable, creative, and exciting Dominatrices continue on this path of knowledge, growth, and self-reflection.
Combined with an awareness of the market, marketing, business strategy, and solid accounting, you will build a sustainable business that can be incredibly rewarding on so many levels.
I’d also like to add that at some early stage you will want to start looking into studies or articles on the decriminalisation of sex work. You may face at least some inner or societal struggle, and this information will really help you frame what is happening to you and sex workers at large.
What is the best advice you can give to those looking to find a Dominatrix?
A very useful question. Personally, I think it is a good idea to think about what you want exactly. Are you a foot fetishist to the core and not interested in a D/s dynamic? Are you a beginner who doesn’t know where to start? Are you hungry for a meaningful D/s exchange?
Often, you might already know this by the porn you watch or the fantasies you have. If you need to tease it out, perhaps fill out an interests and limits worksheet. I really like the ‘BDSM Limits Worksheet’ by Michelle Fegatofi. It’s an extensive list, but by the end of it you’ll have a much clearer idea of where you stand on many, many kinks.
Once you have this in mind, either visit a reputable premises, and take your time to communicate what it is that you’re looking for to the receptionist/Dominatrices, or take some time to do some research on Twitter, listings, and forums for a Dominatrix that you think may match with your interests. Then, politely approach them in the way that they ask. Remember to please respect both the time of the premises and independent Dominatrices.
If you are searching for greater compatibility, I would suggest that you again take your time and further investigate social profiles, websites, and testimonials. There is so much information available these days, and many Dominatrices will clearly state their specialities and interests.
Again, I cannot reiterate enough to please respect the time and any protocol required in your initial contact. This will likely influence the tone of your actual session and the potential for any ongoing relationship.
Also for you, do at least a little Google search into the decriminalisation of sex work. It may help you if you have any qualms about the industry – and even if you don’t, it would help us a lot if you had a better sense of what we are up against. Thank you.
What is the best advice you can give to those looking to enter into any kind of D/s relationship?
As with any relationship, I would say get the best understanding that you can of who you are, how you operate, your needs and limits, and then do your best to communicate all of these from the get- go. As people in the Kink Community, we have the advantage of negotiation and consent being something popularly inherent to our interactions. So, take advantage of it. I wish you the best!
Also, please, please ensure that respect is mutual. Contrary to a novice belief, a Dominant that does not respect you and/or your needs or limits is disaster waiting to happen. If disaster is your thing, then this can also be negotiated by an experienced Dominant – and will be more sustainable long-term.
What is the most fun part about owning slaves?
I get to play all the time! This isn’t only in the sense of the physical, but in my words, mood, and my everything. Dominance and play is so deeply inherent to my personality, but it never got much chance to unleash itself before my life now. I now have a select circle that deeply understand who I am, and that play well with it or know how to give it space when it needs it. Thank you slaves.
I am also so blessed that my circle looks after so much for me. I don’t have to worry about anything day to day or long- term. Because of this, I can deeply relax into my personality and the small things that bring me joy, which is beneficial for everyone in the end of course.
Any closing words?
Just thank you Kink Weekly! I have been reading you for years now and I am really thrilled to be able to speak to you. You’re a fabulous resource and I appreciate the words that you share with the community very much. All the best!
About Mistress Eva
Mistress Eva left a storied corporate past to pursue professional domination in 2012. She began her training at the Salon Kitty’s dungeons in Sydney, Australia – and has since built an international career as a Professional Dominatrix.