Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon
Hello everyone! Today we are going to talk about status and how it should not be the only thing one relies on to navigate who is “good” and “bad” in the lifestyle.
As humans we are constantly having so much info thrown our way every second of every day that it only makes sense that we come up with systems to try to sort through info. For example, a lot of job recruiters only will look at resumes with MBA’s or some people will only stay at hotels that are rated three stars or higher.
The same type of thinking and categorizing is often done in the BDSM/Kink Community. For instance, some will attach ethos to someone if they are a teacher in the community or have been in the lifestyle for over ten years or if a D-type has more than two subs. Everyone makes their own criteria as to what is “good and respectable.” However, while these technicalities can often guide someone in the right direction, they can also be a short cut to not fully reading the person or situation correctly or clearly.
Just because someone is a teacher does not mean they are presenting the most accurate info. Someone could also be in the lifestyle for twenty years and be practicing unsafe and unhealthy behaviors. The D-type with the two subs might not be not upholding a strong code of ethics.
My point is, is that things are not always what they seem and to make a sound judgment one should combine the technicalities and labels with more info. Anyone can call themselves a submissive or Dominant, but are they sticking to the code of ethics that we as a community expect them to live by?
It’s important to get to know one another as people too. The newbie could surprise you. This is why I don’t go solely by numbers and labels when navigating the community.
I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to judge someone solely by one fact (unless that fact is detrimental to one’s self, sanity, or safety in some way). When someone goes off of one fact, black and white thinking often begins to occur. People are either “good” or “bad” or “friend” or “enemy.” In my opinion, the world is too complex for these simple categories. Humans are often so many things, with so many sides.
Get to know them. Listen to them. Don’t judge a book by its cover. And don’t get so hung up on numbers.
There are always going to be those ego-driven people that want to puff out their chests and say “I have been a Mistress or Master for fifteen years, so you should bow to me” or “I have been a Kink Educator for thirty years this is the only way to do X or be Z.” I wouldn’t listen to those people. Time is not the only indicator of how knowledgeable someone is. People that discount other ways of doing things are only stunting their own growth in my opinion. And to me, this community and lifestyle is about discovery and growth.
With this being said, go out, make smart choices, make healthy friends, and enjoy yourselves in a safe, sane, and consensual manner!
As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
About the Author
Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.
With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.
Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.
Very well said. I think with the internet age, it’s easy to get caught up in status. It’s easy to exaggerate it and knowing that causes people to undervalue it as side effect. At the same time, the author is right to say that status isn’t the Alpha and Omega of interaction.
Great points and extremely thorough!
Good advice, in my opinion.