Dexx met with professional submissive Apricot Pitts at DomCon Los Angeles to discuss her experiences in the lifestyle and as a pro.
Dexx: I really wanted to interview you because a lot of the people we interview are Doms or very experienced long time players. I’d love to hear the perspective of somebody that is both relatively new to the scene and also more on the submissive side. So let’s start with how long have you been in the scene and how did you come to discover it?
Apricot: Well, I’ve only been in the scene for about a year, after my friend bugged me enough to join FetLife. I saw an event that was local to me at Threshold, so I volunteered there because I knew it’d be a good way to see the behind the scenes and get there early and spend a lot of time just to check it out as much as possible. I met a lot of cool people and I felt like it was a really good community. Everyone was really open with each other, just a very inclusive and not cliquey type of environment, which I really liked.
Dexx: Prior to your friends telling you about Threshold, were you interested in BDSM already?
Apricot: Yes, I think I’ve been into it ever since puberty. I saw a documentary and it was a Domme showing you her dungeon, and I thought that was so cool and interesting. I read a lot of erotica and other things online, and when I got my first boyfriend when I was 16, we started doing stuff like that. Once I started going to Threshold, I explored things I had never tried before, like flogging and teasing implements.
Dexx: How did you transition from playing in the lifestyle at Threshold to finding your way to doing pro work at Sanctuary?
Apricot: I was looking at Sanctuary’s website and they had an advertisement that they’re always seeking new staff, so I decided to check it out. I knew it’d be a good and safe environment to learn and practice. As a submissive, I knew that there would be people there for me if something bad happened. I felt very safe and knew I could trust and learn a lot from all the other women there.
Dexx: What was your experience like, actually going in and interviewing? Was it scary? How does it all work when you actually want to join as a pro?
Apricot: It wasn’t scary to work with Mistress Cyan [owner of Sanctuary] the first time because she’s very calm and she doesn’t say things in a way that puts you off. When she speaks, it makes you want to open up, so it was really easy to talk to her. She asked me what my limits would be and she asked me what my experience was, and then told me the dress code and then Genesis showed me around and I started the next day.
Dexx: How long ago was that?
Apricot: About 6 months ago. I’m relatively new.
Dexx: Tell me about the first time that you did a pro scene. Were you nervous?
Apricot: I was really nervous. I don’t actually remember exactly what it was, but he was fine.
Dexx: Are there particular things as a working pro that you have really enjoyed? Are there things that you’ve done that you don’t particularly enjoy?
Apricot: Absolutely. Since I have nipple piercings, I don’t like any nipple torture or rough play on that area at all. And I don’t like electricity play that much, but impact – it can be very sensual and I really like body worship, giving and receiving body worship, and body hair and odor worship. So, the clients that I get are very particular on that as well because it’s a really niche fetish. So a lot of the time, my regulars come specifically for my body hair.
Dexx: As a pro, how much are you able to dictate the types of play that you do versus kind of having to go with whatever the client is looking for?
Apricot: Well, during the interview with the client, I can always say no, and we talk about limits and what our goals are for the session, and we talk about humiliation and types of impact and things like that. During the session, I can obviously say yellow and red, and if it’s something I really don’t like, (like if the guy only wants to do breast bondage and nipple torture), of course I can say no. And that’s fine because it’s not worth my time to be miserable for however long the session is. It’s not worth my time.
Dexx: And I’m assuming it’s generally men that you find work from?
Dexx: What would your typical client be like?
Apricot: They’re usually like middle aged and more established guys. They usually just want someone to talk to before and afterwards, so I like to end my sessions a little bit early and just talk and ask “what did you like”, and maybe cuddle and just sit down and be relaxed afterwards. I don’t know, they just seem like normal guys that just need a way to escape during the weekend.
Dexx: So now that you do this for a job, do you still find time to play for fun, on your own personal terms?
Apricot: Yes, once I’m home at night I can do whatever I want. I live with my boyfriend but I go to parties on the weekend at Sanctuary, so I do get to play and explore, just not my submissive side, but when I’m at lifestyle parties, I can.
Dexx: Are you a switch?
Apricot: Yes, I identify as a switch.
Dexx: Cool! Are you out to your friends and family about being kinky?
Apricot: Kind of. Not explicitly. But a lot of my friends know I go to parties and I work at Sanctuary. My dad knows, and my mom kind of knows, but she seems hesitant so I don’t want to say, “This is what I’m doing and I love it!” and she’s going to be like, “Ahhhhhh!”
Dexx: Yeah, even that I think is pretty cool. I think 10 or 20 years ago it would be quite rare for people to be even a little bit out to vanilla friends and family about that sort of thing, so I think perhaps, it’s partly about you, but perhaps it’s also a sign of changing times.
Apricot: Definitely the culture is changing, being more LGBTQ friendly and since kink is really tight knit and a lot of people in kink are LGBTQ so it’s slowly coming out.
Dexx: Do you see kink being a big part of your profession for your future, or is it just kind of something that you dabble in?
Apricot: I don’t expect it to be my main source of income for the rest of my life of course, but I want to pursue it for as long as possible, and I do like it, and the fact that I make money at the same time is a good sign, but I do have plans to get an actual, serious job eventually.
Dexx: Oh yeah, like what?
Apricot: I want to work with plant health and inspection; inspect agriculture and make sure it’s up to health code and I feel like that would be a way that I could do justice for people of the United States and the world.
Dexx: Got it. That was a very unexpected answer but a very cool career path. So you do some kinky modeling as well?
Apricot: Yeah, I’d love to do more. It’s fun and I get to meet other people in the community, not just other players like mistresses, but photographers who go to studios and do that kind of thing.
Dexx: How is the dynamic of working with women who have been pros for years or decades? Are they generally nice and helpful mentors, or is there sort of a pecking order or hierarchy?
Apricot: I think there is a little bit of a pecking order at Sanctuary, but that’s to be expected. Some women just have different personalities and some women are busy so they’re not coming out with the other girls as much because they’re just busier, but I think they are all pretty welcoming. No one is ever rude to me whatsoever, which is really important because the job is stressful enough, we don’t need our coworkers to be rude.
Dexx: Let’s talk about your Domme side. What’s your favorite kind of play when you’re topping?
Apricot: Interesting. I really like body worship so worship my armpit hair and my legs and my butt. But I’m also pretty sadistic I think, so I like to spank really hard, and scratch really hard and fight and tease.
Dexx: You mentioned body hair a couple of times and it’s also a hashtag on your twitter profile. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Apricot: It’s just really cool, it grows there, it’s supposed to be there. I like it. And it smells really good and it looks really good and I like to play with it and like to smell it when I’m bored and it’s awesome.
Dexx: Cool, and do you find that that’s sort of much more prevalent or becoming more prevalent now, or that it’s something that’s pretty unique to you?
Apricot: Yeah, I recently went to Vegas for a girls’ empowerment convention. And that was really fun and a lot of the girls there had body hair as well, armpit hair and full bush and stuff, and I was like, Thank you for not feeling shy about your natural body hair that’s supposed to be there!
Dexx: Do you think that there’s some kind of tie in with feminism as part of that, or it’s unrelated?
Apricot: Maybe. I mean, I don’t necessarily know how all of them identify, but I’d say that I identify as a feminist, we’re all human beings, we can’t control what gender we’re born with, or how we feel about our gender’s sexuality, so we should all just be excellent to each other, you know?
Dexx: Any particular projects or goals that you’re working toward in terms of you’re kinky life at the moment?
Apricot: I think it’s bad that I’m not saying yes. But I guess I just want to shoot more with a lot of local women in Los Angeles, all the girls I’ve met at DomCom, or girls that I’m meeting on twitter, I’d love to just network more with them and make more friends in the community. I’m also transitioning jobs in the vanilla world, so that’s kind of having a lot of my focus.
Dexx: When you say shoot more with the women that you’re meeting, you mean like doing scenes with them?
Apricot: Yes, clips or just photos or helping them shoot anything they want to, if they need a videographer.
Dexx: Have you come across anything in the scene so far that’s been like, Whoa! That’s pretty freaky even for me?
Apricot: Suctions on the nipples and the clit, that’s like (screams). That’s just too scary. I don’t know nipple stuff so maybe I just don’t like that in general.
Dexx: Do you think that that’s mainly because you have nipple piercings that make it intolerable?
Apricot: Yes, I think I have a negative connotation because I know it would hurt if I got it, and so I just think that it hurts, like it’s on their clit too, that’s so sensitive. I’m glad that they like it, but I’m not going to try it anytime soon.
Dexx: You’re in a relationship, so I guess it must be at least somewhat open with you doing what you do. So is he kinky, is it a kinky relationship?
Apricot: A little bit. He doesn’t necessarily like going in public and doing it, but at home we have really switchy sex, a lot of power back and forth and wrestling, which is fun. I don’t really like doing that with clients so it’s good to do that with someone that I actually love.
Dexx: Of course! Well, I guess when you work there’re probably some pretty strict rules about sexual contact anyway.
Apricot: Oh, of course yeah. No penetration, no fluid exchange, no general rubbing a lot on my side. No hand jobs, blow jobs, anything like that.
Dexx: So you get clients that try to push the boundaries?
Apricot: Well yes, they’re guys and they’re in the moment and they see a butt cheek in their face, and they’re just like, “Can I touch in there?” Like no, of course not. You have to make it cute, like, “You can’t touch me there right now” or “No, no no,” You have to make it cute.
Dexx: Are you taught how to deal with situations like that by the other Dommes?
Apricot: Yes. They reiterate that we have to know our boundaries and know when to say no and when to know that they’re touching some place that they’re not allowed to. Because obviously we’re the only one in the room, and they say, “Yell red, someone will hear you, the walls aren’t that thick, someone will come in and stop.” You can always ask to end the session whenever you need to and they’ll have to leave.
Dexx: Have you had any situations like that?
Apricot: I had one situation where I should have said red, but it was only a 15 minute session and it was just really degrading and I’m not even against humiliation, I actually like humiliation sometimes, but it was just a lot all at once. It was only 15 minutes and he went at it right away and it was really shocking afterwards, but I just wanted to put up with it because I knew it was only 15 minutes.
Dexx: Aside from the kind of shock in the moment, do you think you have any kind of trauma as a result of that?
Apricot: No. I think…it’s hard to explain, but I think he was just really hateful towards women, you could just tell by the way he acted and he just really needed an outlet and, I mean I guess I would rather him do it to me in a safe environment instead of at a woman who is really desperate on the street, like a prostitute on the street. And I know he is going to do it anyway, so.
Dexx: That is a very mature outlook towards the situation. It sounds like in that case, it was not necessarily BDSM, but more like actual rage that he had. Do you feel a connection with some of your clients?
Apricot: Of course. Most of them. All the time. One thing, I heard the phrase sexual therapist during some of the classes at DomCom, the Dommes feeling like they take a lot of energy from the other person, that they provide them something that they can’t get in their regular lives. And they specifically seek out a professional, someone that can do that for them, and do that with them, safely, and someone with experience. It is a lot of energy exchange and there is a lot of give and take.
Dexx: Do you think that the guys that are doing scenes with pro subs are the same people that come to play in the lifestyle, or are those different groups of people?
Apricot: A lot of my clients, I don’t think that they go to dungeons or anything, because they are so specific. They want body hair and they just want to smell it and rub it and stuff, but a few guys I know, I’ve seen them at Sanctuary before and then I had a private session with them. I’m not sure. I think there’re either guys that have lifestyle submissives, 24/7 submissives, and they broke up with their submissives and so they just want someone to practice play with, and I think a lot of the guys are like that as well.
Dexx: Have you been to any interesting classes while you were at DomCom?
Apricot: Yeah, I really like Madam Margerie’s pet play class. Pet play is something that I really want to try to explore but I never knew.
Dexx: As a pet or an owner of a pet?
Apricot: I want to be a pet. I think I’d be a good puppy. I want to be a puppy.
Dexx: Have you tried being a puppy?
Apricot: Actually, after I went to her class, she handed out this one page with a summary of the information that she gave and I sat down with my boyfriend and we read it and I explained some of the things that she said more, I explained it more in detail and then, I was a puppy for a little bit and it was really fun.
Dexx: Did you play fetch?
Apricot: We did. And I wouldn’t give it back.
Dexx: Okay, so a little bit of a brat puppy?
Apricot: Yeah. And he has to tell me to go on the bed, I can’t jump on the bed without permission.
Dexx: Sounds like a pretty good rule. Have you tried being a kitten or a fox? Or a dolphin?
Apricot: I liked being a dolphin when I was 7 or 8 when we had a pool, and I would like be a dolphin.
Apricot sessions regularly at Sanctuary LAX. You can also follow her adventures on Twitter.