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Entering Back Into The Scene

July 8, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

As we all start returning to our usual pre-covid ways, I would guess that one of the problems specific to our lifestyle is the “If you don’t use it you lose it” principle. I know my flogging skills have deteriorated quite a bit.  As an example, I was playing with a new sub last Saturday and actually missed the target get a couple of times. Fortunately, I was aware  that when dealing with ropes, canes and floggers it is easy to screw up after an enforced “vacation.” The oft-quoted principle of “Dominant Infallibility”comes up very short after a layoff. This article, in place of my usual ”Ask BaadMaster”column, is a collection of tips to make your transition back into our world of dungeons and discipline a little easier.  So here goes: 

  1. Go Slow.  My first tip, distilled from my experiences as outlined in the introduction, is to “Go Slow.” Just as athletes take it slow when returning from an injury, we should too. This is especially true in impact play.  And this +approach would  apply to the bottoms/subs too.  Like it or not, subs can be very demanding.  So when first playing, don’t goad the Top into hitting you harder. We waited so long to get back our play spaces, one week or two won’t be that critical
  1. Opportunity knocks..  If you are in a no-protocol or low-protocol relationship, it is easy to add a few rituals to your arsenal. For example, after your sub comes home on a Friday night and you have cleared out some play time, instruct her/him to perform a greeting ritual. Typically, the sub kneels in front of the Dominant and kisses his feet. Or, introduce some leash and collar play. Either of these not only adds a new dimension to your sub’s submission, but it also helps transition him/her from the basically vanilla world of quarantine to BDSM play. Just adding a little extra pre-D/s can work wonders when you finally get back to BDSM. 
  1. Add a new toy. I know you have lots of toys, but I doubt you own every one that is made! Search for a new toys at the local sex shop or online BDSM store.  It might take a some effort, but as the martial artists (and sadists, too) say, “No pain, no gain!”
  2. Add some discipline into your play life. This can get a bit tricky, because you cannot suddenly become a stern disciplinarian when you have not been one a year or more. I would tackle an area you have been neglecting. For example, have her wear a specific makeup that gets you hot; tell her to dress in fetish clothes or demand she do specific acts that you have discussed but have not gotten around to doing. Every couple has a few of these. If she refuses, then you can get into the punishment mode that can also be exciting. (This is from an “Ask BaadMaster” query,)
  3. Use unique punishments. Since there is every chance your sub might not comply with your orders after a year or more away from the Dungeon,, you must devise some new and unique punishments that get you off and she has not experienced. For example, one punishment I find particularly effective is the use of a baby pacifier. Just the threat of making your partner wear one can have a profound impact. Many Dom/me’s use sexual deprivation as punishment. This is a great opportunity to expand your BDSM palette.
  4. Don’t forget rewards. This one is easy to overlook. Piercings, tattoos and BDSM jewelry might work perfectly, depending on your relationship. And, if you expand your reward criteria to the non-BDSM world, you will have no trouble rewarding your sub for her excellent behavior.
  5. Don’t call it a comeback!  (Thanks, LL!)  Don’t forget to include the most basic aspects of play when you are scening. It might seem obvious, but – even at the risk of looking foolish – go over safe words, safe signals and do not forget aftercare!  Better to look foolish than be foolish.
  1. Read our archives.  There are tons of great articles archived here on Kink Weekly! Not only can you be a more effective Dom/me or sub with additional knowledge, but you can short-circuit the time needed to get back into top form.

This pandemic has had widespread affects on just about every field of endeavor – from chess to BDSM play.  But think of it as an opportunity. Since one key to our lifestyle is inventiveness,  use this chance to be…inventive!!!  


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm events, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dungeon, dungeon safety

Holding Kink Events With Today’s Challenges

May 27, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

hot submissive wanting to please her dominant
via stock.adobe.com

There are some venues and groups who have begun to reopen their doors for kink events. Like many other things nowadays, requirements are varied and controversial, regardless of where they hold their bar for risk. Covid is not gone, and at this point, we are all just doing our best to find ways to interact with our kink communities to the best we are able.

There are, have been, and will continue to be venues / groups who are not requiring any safety precautions for gathering, and are not limiting attendance. It is within their rights to hold events as they choose to, just as it is within the rights of people attending to determine individually if those events fall within their risk profiles. However, I believe it is important for people who are attending events without safety precautions to inform others they may plan to interact with intimately in order to allow those individuals to make informed choices about whether or not they feel safe in those circumstances. Please remember, we can’t tell if someone is a high risk individual based on appearance or guessing. They have the right to know if they may be at risk based on someone else’s behavior. This is very much like disclosing other sexual partners. Someone cannot consent if they are not fully informed as to what they are consenting to.

Other venues and groups are / have been offering masked attendance options. As the pandemic raged and my home dungeon was seeking ways they could continue to pay the rent, one of the possible solutions was what we affectionately termed LAT parties, or limited attendance and time parties, which were not only limited to a maximum of 10 individuals, also included us shuttering some equipment to create more space between stations, required masking, and involved lots of disinfecting and sanitizing. As one of the testers for the concept, my partner and I attempted a full impact scene while wearing masks. As an informational note, our impact tends to start fairly light and wind its way towards a four pound, four foot long flogger made of water buffalo hide. It’s a fairly hefty beast which often leaves both of us panting. While it was entirely possible to be fully satisfied from the physical expression of that experience, we both felt that the masks did present something of a barrier to our usual methods of visual check ins, since it hid much of my facial movement from him. He had to rely more on head movement responses to verbal check-ins, which definitely changed the feel of things for us. It was definitely better than the alternative, however.

Again, though, these types of events will not be for everyone. Some will refuse to play masked, others will not feel safe enough. It is a difficult thing to please everyone, even in the best of times, which these certainly are not.

Most recently, we’ve seen the rise of events which cater to vaccinated individuals. These sorts of events are controversial in any environment. People feel reasonable accommodation should be made for those with allergy issues, religious issues, etc. While this would be true for employers, at least in the US, it isn’t the case for private events. An individual can set requirements for entering their club, home or place of business, or as one explanation said, private events on private property. In this case, that means venues / groups have the right to require proof of vaccination from attendees. This may mean they want a digital copy, or it could mean they want to view it upon entry. States have different guidelines. Some states or even cities are requiring that event planners keep records of vaccinated guests’ names, the date of their final dose and declaration that they are fully vaccinated, which presents some interesting potential issues for kinksters who may not want their information on record in that fashion. The solution to that is to know the laws in your city and state, and if organizers plan to keep your health information on file, so you can make an information decision about attending events.

This is an excellent time to mention that vetting is not just for individuals. It is absolutely appropriate to vet group leaders and ask about group history. If a group has been in existence ten years, likely there are a few local kink community members you can ask about whether or not they have ever released vanilla information, how knowledgeable leadership is, whether or not the group’s consent ideology and policy lines up with yours, etc. If it is a newer group, ask how long it has been around, how they handle consent violation accusations, how they handle education, what resources they share with newcomers, and how they handle personal information of members, if they collect it at all. Before you hand over your information to someone just because they “lead” a group, make sure you are comfortable with their experience level and what they may do with that private info.

If you are interested in following up, here is the latest information on hosting events from the CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/large-events/considerations-for-events-gatherings.html

And a look at the legalities of requiring vaccinations: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/can-businesses-require-vaccination-proof-experts-say-yes/

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm events, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community

2017 BDSM Events

January 9, 2017 By anniebear 3 Comments

Nicole bondage bunny

Here is our annual event round up; a list of BDSM/kink events worldwide. This is not a comprehensive list but includes events that people we know have attended in the past or that we personally have been to so we can vouch for the quality!

If you have an event you’d like us to include, feel free to post the info in the comments section. We’ll be editing this article throughout the year to include additional information.

JANUARY

The Adult Video Nominations: While not exactly a purely BDSM oriented event, the annual “Oscars of Porn” take place January 21st in Las Vegas. There is also an adult expo and events happing beginning January 17th all week long. There is a special fetish party hosted by kink.com, with performances. It’s a catch all for performers, industry affiliates and more!

Westcoast Bound
Vancouver has a strong kink community. Join them and many other folks from around the world for Westcoast Bound January 27th-29th. This event has multiple tracks for those with differing experiences and skill levels and of course, play parties!

FEBRUARY

Torture Garden Valentines Ball: If you’ve never heard of Torture garden, you’re in for a treat. This London-based company hosts some of the most lavish and exotic BDSM parties to date. Known for the strict Fetish only dress code, this insures the guests and performers at these parties are top notch. I’m sure their next valentines ball will not disappoint!

Sin in the City: Another hot Las Vegas event including a weekend of education, parties and dungeons February 3rd-5th. This event hosts the International Person of Leather contest but if that’s not your thing there is much much more. I’ve heard this event is a merging of kink and swinger lifestyles.

MARCH

South Plains Leather Fest: This event in Dallas, Texas is entrenched in the rich traditions and code of the Old Guard and leather history.

APRil

Frolicon
An Atlanta based convention-this educational oriented event hosts different creative tracks to choose from. Not just for BDSM, this is a melting pot of creativity and personal expression and the choice is up to you for which one you’ll decide on!

Kinkfest 2017
:Portland Leather Alliance will host this annual kinky convention in Oregon April 14th-16th. This is an all encompassing event covering many areas and orientations of kink. Vendors will be showing their wares in addition to a line up of classes and parties.

MAY

DomCom LA
This is exactly what it sounds like; a convention for everything BDSM related. Hosted by Sanctuary LAX and some of the hottest FemDoms in the world, this event has everything you can think of including classes, vendors, a human pony show, and much much more! While the event is hosted by pro and lifestyle FemDoms, it has something for everyone.

Camp Crucible
Though I have not yet attended, Camp Crucible has me extremely excited! It’s bascially a kinky sleep away camp; does it can’t get better than that? Based in the woods at a secret location outside Washington D.C., this camp for adults hosts classes, games, auctions, and more! Clothing is optional and you can come for all or part of this nine day
event.

International Mister Leather: This event in Chicago is exactly what it sounds like; a competition to name the next Mr. Leather and Mr. Bootblack title holder. This is a long time event and will be home to many of the “who’s who” in the leather scene. If you have a strong interest in the leather lifestyle, this event is for you!

JUNE

Debauchery: Who knew North Carolina has a thriving BDSM scene? Greensboro is host the Debauchery, an all encompassing, inclusive to all genders and orientaitons weekend of events and play parties. This event has been around for years and the quality of presenters and classes gets better year after year.

Southeast Leather Fest: From their website, “SouthEast LeatherFest (SELF) is the home where all people–kinksters and leather people, primals and littles, puppies and Masters, and LGBTQQIA2S– gather to celebrate our lives as sex positive individuals. We focus on relationships, play, social interaction in a safe, welcoming environment where respect for individuality and unique relationships are respected. Our theme this year, Mixology, is about who we are as a large diverse group.”

AUGUST

Equus Pony Show
This event hosted by submissann is a dedicated human pony play competition. Come view all of the pony’s and their handlers as they compete for the top prize ribbon! Curious about pony play? This is a great event to watch experienced pony players in action.

SEPTEMBER

Folsom Street Fair: One of the most notorious BDSM oriented events held in San Francisco, this once gay leather event is now (controversially) a universal event for people of all genders and orientations. This event is all about spectacle and self-expression all while out in the open on the streets of San Francisco.

NOVEMBER

DomCon New Orleans: The sister event to DomCon LA brings the FemDoms to The Big Easy. The 2017 dates have not yet been released but we’ll keep you updated.

Tagged With: 2017 bdsm events, bdsm events, kink events

This week in kink, September 12, 2016

September 13, 2016 By Desdemona 2 Comments

New York and Los Angeles: Our friend Mistress Simone Justice has a series of fantastic events coming up on both coasts in the next few months. Her famed “Waking the Goddess” series and Verbal Domination are sure to be just what any blossoming or advanced Goddess needs to fine tune their skills! Check out the full list of classes here.


New Zealand: The New Zealand government announced a significant overhaul of laws relating to domestic violence this week, with the aim of reducing New Zealand’s high rates of domestic violence relative to other developed countries. We support this initiative generally, and if these changes prevent anyone being harmed by their partners or family members, then we applaud them.

Unfortunately, in the course of this review, the government seems to have missed the opportunity to clearly distinguish between domestic violence, and consensual BDSM. One such area is the new law which specifically criminalizes “non-fatal strangulation”. In the detailed analysis by the NZ Law Commission which formed part of the legal review process, it was noted that “There are times when the intentional application of force to the neck is done with consent (either express or implied) and should not be considered criminal. Examples include certain contact sports and sexual practices.” The report went on to note that this could be addressed by “by including a defense that the victim consented to the strangulation”. However, it appears that this was ultimately ignored by the government, with the final text of the law simply reading:

“(1) A person (person A) is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years who, intentionally or recklessly, impedes the normal breathing or circulation of the blood of another person (person B) by— “(a) applying pressure to person B’s throat or neck; or “(b) blocking person B’s nose or mouth. “(2) Subsection (1) applies only if person A and person B are in, or have been in, a domestic relationship.”

The provision to exclude those not in a domestic relationship effectively addresses the issue of sport. But there is nothing to prevent the criminalization of a loving partner who applies pressure to the neck safely and with explicit consent or request. Given the many millions of kinky people around the world – including no doubt, many in New Zealand – this seems to show an unfortunate lack of knowledge or appreciation for diverse sexualities and preferences.


Worldwide: Our very own contributor Baadmaster is teaming up with Industry XXX Radio from Las Vegas for weekly chats on all things kink. Follow @industryxradio on Twitter for show times!


3D model by Rebeca Puebla
3D model by Rebeca Puebla

Artists Rebeca Puebla has some amazing BDSM themed work under her belt. Check out these images of her 3D models. Some of the masked ones look like still photos!


This year is just flying by! I’m extremely pleased with the response Kink Weekly has been getting as we approach our one year anniversary. Thank you to our readers for your feedback, comments, and contributions. We couldn’t do it without you!

-Dexx

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainsteam media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: bdsm events, bdsm news, kink news, new zealand, Rebeca Puebla, this week in kink

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