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Erotica: The Center Of The Circus

September 29, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

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I am a quiet and well-behaved slave.  This is especially true in public.  I do not speak beyond what is required of me as a hostess or unless directly addressed.  I stay as close to Master’s side as possible while still fulfilling the tasks he has set forth when we have guests.  I work to negotiate for Master when newer individuals get on the table, clean up between bottoms (and after the festivities), and I make sure Master is fed and hydrated.  I monitor the unattached bottoms who visit, and I have my own gaggle of littles that I babysit.

While I am often busy keeping everything running smoothly, Master is often busy introducing individuals to electroplay.

To say we rarely get play time at a public event is an understatement.  And when we do, it is reserved for the end of the night.  Considering how much Sadomasochism is in our play, there are two factors we must consider.

Factor number one is Master’s energy level.  He plays with twenty to thirty people prior to me.  While more than half of the scenes are under 15 minutes, the up and down of the endorphins and adrenaline wears Him down considerably.

Factor number two is how many people, at the party, are new.  It seems like an odd thing to factor into our play, doesn’t it?  Theoretically, the only people who matter in a scene are the participants.  But, in the real world, that is not the case.   

We play rough.  We play heavy.  I have yet to safeword.  And it scares people.

So, if we do scene, it is always at the end of the night, when most of the new people have left.

We play late to protect ourselves.

But, when we do, we become the center of our own circus.

Master thrives on the crowd.  It is as though he absorbs the energy put out by them and channels it into his implements.  I am sure I have seen his eyes glow from that same energy.

So, sit back, boys and girls, and let me tell you the story of a Sadistic Ringmaster.


I have been watching you for hours Sir.  Over and over, men and women willingly put themselves on your table and cross.  I watch your eyes light up with pleasure and the sinister smile slowly take over.  Your creativity is beyond bounds.  I have yet to see the same scene twice, even with tastings.

I never know quite what to expect.  We have never played in public before Sir and my nerves are getting the best of me.  You’ve told me that it was my choice to play or not.  I know you want me up there, but I also know you will stand by your word.

It has taken most of the night, but I am ready to do this.

I can hear the shouts of the one in front of me.  He is a masochist that I have seen you play with him before.  He likes it hard and fast.  I can tell, even from here, that he will have welts for a couple of days.  I find it amusing when he climbs the cross.  For being cuffed, he is quite flexible.


I wait until you have stepped away and the cross is empty.  I see you cleaning everything you used.  My stomach is in my throat, and I am struggling to find my voice.

I silently move to cross, standing slightly behind you to your left.  I wait patiently for you to acknowledge me.  It takes a few minutes.  I wonder briefly if you have left me waiting on purpose, just to fuck with me.  

“Hello, sweetie.”

“Hi Sir.”

“Is everything alright?”  You turn to face me completely.  Your hand rests on my shoulder and you give it a soft squeeze.

“Yes, Sir.”  Deep Breath.  “Will you flog me on the cross?”  My insides are shaking.  Why is it so hard to do this in public?

You raise an eyebrow.  Without hesitation, you tell me to step up to the cross.  I stand there for a minute, waiting.  I see you grab the first toy and I get a very wicked idea.

“Are you ready?” You ask.

“Don’t you want to tie me up Sir?”  

I see you smile.  The game has begun.


My shoulders are tense.  This is very new to me.  Here I am, cuffed to the cross, in just my panties, waiting for what will happen next.

This is the easy part.  I know better than to look.  I won’t know the implement until you use it.  How many do you think I can guess right?

Your body presses against my back.  Your hand curves around my neck, but no pressure is applied.  “Are you ready?”

Deep, shuddering breath.  “Yes, Sir.”

“Safe word?”

“Red for stop. Yellow for check-in.”

“Good girl.”

With that, you step back.  My body shivers in anticipation.  

The first strike of the flogger hurts.  I must force my shoulders to relax.  I know that the more tense I am, the more I could hurt myself.

My eyes close as you find your rhythm.  There is a steady heat building under my skin.  This isn’t so bad.  If I keep my eyes closed, I can forget everyone else is there.  I feel you pause every so often.  Sometimes your hands touch my skin and sometimes you switch the implements.  The floggers are steadily getting stingier.  

The room has fallen silent.  Or, at least, I cannot hear them anymore.  There is only white noise in my ears now.  My head feels like it is swimming.  My eyelids are heavy.  My mouth feels glued shut.  Even at the increasing pain, I have no drive to stop you.

Then there is a long pause.

I rest my forehead to the cool wood of the cross.  I steady my breathing and wait.  I can hear the murmurs of the people again, but I find I care far less now than I did at the start.


I don’t know how long you left me waiting.  Even with my eyes closed, I can feel your presence.  

Then, you shocked me.

Without any warning, I felt a firm whack to my ass.  It’s the paddle.

Fuck.  I hate those.

My eyes pop open, and my hands wrap around the chains holding me in place. “Fuuhhck.”

I hear you laugh.  It’s a dark and rich sound that cuts through the static.

Two.

Three.

Then you change it up again.

It’s always in threes.


I have lost count of the number of implements.  This is far from the flogging I initially asked for.  Then again, you have blanket consent to do as you please with this body.  And you never cease to surprise me.

Somewhere in between the paddles, you check in with me.  I know you expect me to be honest.  My body feels warm and on fire.  I feel invincible.

You ask me how I am doing.  

I turn my head until our eyes meet.  My answer shocks you.  “Is that all you’ve got, Magick?”  There is no Sir or Master.  I am challenging your reputation.  

Bring.

It.

On.

Master.


The gasp of the crowd cuts through the static.  I hear a lone voice warning me not to say that.  But it isn’t you.  

Our eyes stay locked for several moments.  You smile wide.  I think I have provoked the Dragon.

Well, there is no turning back now.

I break the eye contact, turning back to the cross, dropping my head, and baring my neck.

What have I done?


The room is silent.  I can feel the eyes of everyone on us.  I think I have shocked them Sir.  

Without warning, I feel something thin and stingy hit my ass.  Ow.  We just went from a 3 or 4 to a 7 on the pain scale.  I breathe deep.  This is what I asked for.

My eyes stay closed, and I scrunch up my face as I breathe through the pain.  This is what I was looking for Sir.  I wanted to see your Sadistic side.  I wanted to trigger the same intensity you give the other masochists.  I wanted you to use me without fear.

The strikes no longer come in threes, nor do they have the same rhythm.  I can tell you are still in control, but you want me to feel each strike.  Without a steady pattern, I cannot zone out.  I cannot sink into the sweet oblivion of sub space.

And you know it.


I lose track of time so easily under your touch.  I don’t know how long we have been at this.  My legs are starting to feel weak.  My ass feels as though it is on fire.  The only thing holding me up at this point is the tight grip I have on the chains.  

I am not ready for this to end.  I refuse to give after I issued a challenge.

I finally hear your voice, soft and gruff in my ear.  “How are you holding up?”

“Good, Sir.”

Your hand rests on the back of my neck.  It feels hot.

You step away and I mewl at the loss.

One.  

That one takes my breath away.  It was solid enough that I felt my body would go through the wall with the force.

Two.

Jesus Christ that hurt.  Whatever that was has me nearly biting through my tongue.

Three.  I have finally climbed the cross.  This is the devil.  I cannot feel the back of my thighs anymore.  What on Earth did you use, Sir?


My body sags.  I grit my teeth and lean against the wood.  I am near my breaking point.  But I do not want to stop Sir.  I want you to know I can take anything you are willing to give.  I cannot stop this.  I won’t.

I feel you against my back again.  Your body is solid as you pull me against you.  My head drops back onto your shoulder.  Your hands wrap around my torso and climb up to my nipples.  Your fingers tweak them, tugging and pulling.  All I can do is gasp.  There is so much pain on my backside and the combination of pain and pleasure from my nipples is going to drop me right here.  You tug them upward and bring me to my tip toes.

“You look so pretty when you climb the cross.”

I let out a soft gwaff.  I don’t even have the energy to laugh right now.

You let go of my nipples and your arms holds my waist to keep me upright.  “How are you pet?”

“I…I” Deep breath.  “I…am good Sir.”  I exhale loudly.  “May I have some water before we continue?”

“Let’s get you down pet and then I will get you some water.” 

“No, Sir.  Please.  We can continue.”

“Shh.  You have done well pet.”  I hear you ask someone to help undo the restraints.  

Once my arms are free, they drop heavily to my side.  I turn around in your embrace and rest my head on your chest.  I feel very floaty Sir, almost drunk.

And very sore.

All I can think is Thank you, Master.  That was one hell of a ride.


That was the first of many public play sessions.  When he finished checking on me, I can proudly tell you that I not only walked away from the cross on my own two feet, I went back to hosting duties after.  I was on a high for several days.  It also brought about one of the longest (and lowest) sub drops I had ever experienced.

I asked what those last three toys were.  The thick one that thudded (and felt like I would go through the floor) was a length of a fire hose.  For future reference, it has physically knocked me off a spanking bench and has quite the power behind it.  

The second toy (the sting that made me curse very loudly) was a length of weather stripping.  It is very, very painful.  It leaves wonderful marks.

The last (which made me climb the cross) is a serpentine belt.  It is my favorite toy (and has been since that day).  I learned during that session that the belt corners should be sanded down.  We ended up drawing blood on my thigh and it left a mark for nearly three months.  We honestly thought it would scar.

Please understand that our dynamic is a Total Power Exchange with blanket consent.  While I asked for a flogging for this scene, he decided to push my limits.  I wouldn’t change anything about this scene.  

That includes challenging him.

No one else has the balls to do that.  No one will go head-to-head with Master.  That’s what makes me special.  That is why I have the honor of wearing his collar.  He says I keep surprising him.

As I said at the beginning, I am generally a quiet and well-behaved slave.  But, when the lights come up and the Circus tents open, I get to challenge the Ringmaster at his own game.

And it keeps everyone coming back for more.


My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, master, power exchange, slave, submisison

This week in kink: October 4, 2021

September 29, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

Don’t miss SF’s Folsom Street Fair! Learn more from SF gate!


Discover why Trevor Bauer’s actions were unacceptable according to the BDSM community!

Click below to find out more from Sports Illustrated!


New to kink?

Then, check out this great article on how to get started from HelloGiggles!

Click below to read more!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”


Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, fetish, kink

Using The Safe Word As A Weapon

September 29, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

Using the Safe Word as a Weapon

We see it all the time. “sub has the power because safe word!” or “sub has the power because can stop play at any time.”

Okay…I have some questions that stem from the many repetitious discussions on safe words that I see on a daily basis on this site.

  1. WHY is your partner your enemy who must be beaten in all things?
  2. Why is your partner such a foe that he/she must be held at bay every minute by the power of your consent and the threat of…of what, exactly?

If you don’t obey my safe word, then I’m going to…what? What are you going to do? Call the police? Nope, you won’t call the police. They almost never call the police, do they. They don’t file reports. They don’t prosecute.

So what do they do? Drag their partner through the mud of the court of public opinion on whatever social websites you have profiles on.

Which brings me to…

  1. Why are you using the concept of the safe word as a weapon against your own partner?
  2. If your partner is such an enemy and you cannot trust them to communicate when something is amiss, why the fuck are you with that person in the first damn place?

————-
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 30 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, dominants, power exchange, safety consent, safeword, submissive

5 Things a Love of BDSM Says about Your Relationship

September 29, 2021 By Davis 2 Comments

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BDSM is slowly gaining popularity, both among the young and old. But did you know that BDSM sex preferences speak volumes concerning your relationship? Check this out.

Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, & Masochism.

Couples are getting kinkier in 2021 and exploring sex preferences that would be considered taboo back in the good old days. We’ve covered so much about BDSM in other articles, but it appears as though we need a little bit more social proof.

A lot of couples fear getting their hands on BDSM. Some even dread the thought of breaching such a topic with their lovers. That says a lot about the kind of communication you have with your partner. For a long time, scientists and researchers have viewed BDSM participants as pathological, perverts, or abused victims who lack control. But that could not be further from the truth. Research now shows plenty of benefits of BDSM sex preferences as well as an increase in the practices. Moreover, those who engage appear to have their lives ‘in order’ and are not ‘disturbed.’

If anything, more husbands are willing to lose control of their wives and submit to each other’s desires. Indeed, more people are developing a keen interest in BDSM sex preferences, especially after popularizing Fifty Shades of Grey.

But wait, there is more. After consulting sex therapists and relationship experts from the best online dating sites, we found plenty of benefits to the health of your budding relationship. Here are a couple of expert thoughts on what different sex preferences say about you and your lover.

Buckle up; it’s about to get real bumpy.

1. Kinky Sex Preferences Portray Higher Levels of EQ

You’ll need a competitive level of IQ to survive in the marketplace. However, you may need all the EQ you can amass to keep your relationship going. Higher levels of emotional intelligence put you in a better position to handle other people’s frustrations better. BDSM sex preferences in relationships denote a ton of maturity in handling your relations.

2. The Audacity to Explore

Marriage counselors often have to deal with this issue – “she is not attractive anymore,” or “he does not satisfy me as he used to.”

Familiarity has a way of breeding contempt even among the closest of lovers. Routine becomes boring since it brings familiarity. Some couples explore sex preferences based on zodiac signs, while others try something different each week. BDSM shows you’re bold enough to explore the bounds of your horizon. Remember the basic rules if you’re new to BDSM sex preferences.

3. Open Channels of Communication

BDSM is all about losing one’s self to another. It entails submission and domination, all of which are hard elements in day-to-day life. We always want to control everything, from our finances to our health, family, social lives, and everything. Losing control becomes a new feeling for a lot of couples. Communicating that and going the extra mile to set boundaries is even more challenging. But partners who have gone the extra mile often find it easier to resolve other difficulties in their relationships once they explore unconventional sex preferences.

4. You Don’t Give a Darn What Others Say

Your sex preferences speak volumes about how you relate with your spouse and how you connect with the outside world. More conservative people are less likely to explore untypical sex preferences for fear of society’s perception. But such worries are rational at times.

Sex in ancient times was used ritualistically in most religions. We can get hints of how the ancients prized and valued sex from written scripts such as Kamasutra. The Ancient Greek culture probably borrowed BDSM sex practices from the Eastern Mesopotamian Empire. Mesopotamians embraced BDSM and temple sex with goddess Inanna as their justification. They believed such techniques would invoke the goddess of fertility and rebirth. These sex preferences would be followed by sacrificial worship and indulgence in orgies.

In the 21st  сentury, we still practice the same sex preferences more openly, but without the typical ritualistic sacrifices. From that short history, anything deviating from the vanilla couples type of sex has been viewed as ‘odd’ and, at times, a perversion.

Going outside the traditional view of sex preferences portrays boldness and a profound level of intimacy not defined by ‘others.’

That makes us curious, what are your sex preferences? Do let us know in the comment section below.

5. You are Fond of Creativity

Open-mindedness is a fundamental feature for most BDSM couples. Vanilla couples who explore BDSM sex preferences are generally creative. They invent new ways of doing things and get bored with repetition. BDSM can be pretty intimidating to a partner who is content with the usual. That’s why it’s imperative to understand just how much both of you are willing to do in the name of ‘creativity.’

Concluding Remarks

BDSM is more or less similar to saying, “I do!” This kind of consent requires deliberate premeditation about the risks and the intensity of BDSM. You may enjoy a little bit of pain, but that may be a turn-off to your partner. Have genuine communications upfront and research the limits of these sex preferences. We recommend that couples develop a sex preferences questionnaire to understand each other’s fantasies better.

That said, are you ready to experiment outside reality with BDSM sexual preferences?


Davis is a marriage and family therapist. She has worked in a variety of therapeutic settings over the past 7 years providing services to children, adults, families, and couples. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves traveling and hiking.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange, submissive

Video: How To Introduce BDSM To Any Partner

September 29, 2021 By Ms. Elle X 2 Comments

Want to explore BDSM with your partner, but have never done so before?

Then, check out this informative video from Ms. Elle X!

How to Introduce BDSM to *Any* Partner | Ms. Elle X

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, boundaries, fetish, hard limits, kink, negotiation, soft limits

BDSM Safety Tips

September 23, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

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Ordinarily, I would throw this question into the cylindrical file from whence it came.  It – or some version thereof – had been answered many times before on kinkweekly.  But with the year off due to Covid, and generally less play spaces to keep you at the top of your game, I thought it prudent to take another stab at a safety question. After all, in this new reality, you can never been too careful. I might add, from personal experience, that when I returned to play I forgot aftercare – something  would never have done pre-pandemic.  And so, the following question.

Reader: Recently, my online kink group has been discussing what to do if something goes wrong or a pre-condition manifests itself during a scene. This kind of safety concern is beyond the usual.  So how can you prepare for every eventuality? (My adding: especially in this corona virus era.)

To start, a disclaimer: “It is impossible to prepare for every eventuality.”  If I could do this, I would be working for the President eliminating Covid immediately.  But seriously…regarding medical pre-conditions — there isn’t a list specifically geared to BDSM that you could read and sign before you entered a play space.  Even if there were, who would want to feel like they were visiting a dentist and filling out the medical questionnaire?  (Are you allergic to penicillin?)  But I think an over-arching question – “you don’t have a heart condition or asthma?” –  might open a productive dialogue between first-time players.  Thus one should be aware of any pre-conditions that could be a threat.  With Covid lurking around, one should at least take your partner’s temperature prior to play.  Being vaccinated – no matter what your views on vaccines – is not enough when it comes to dungeon play with many people around.  So buy a ten dollar thermometer and put it in your toy bag.  We do not know how flogging – for example – affects the virus; just be vigilant and if you see the bottom breaking out in a cold sweat it is time to stop play and take his/her temperature again.

Now onto safe words.  Although “safe words are not the end-all and be-all to safety,” they are definitely better than anything that comes in second.  The trick to using safe words effectively (and this seemingly obvious bit of advice might be extremely valuable to you).  Although the standard safe word is “red,” many people try to pick out their own personal safe word.  The “New Guard” wants style.  “Paga”” might be a cool safe word for Goreans, but when panic time sets in and the mind starts spinning, these words might not be at the tip of the tongue.  “Red” works for stop signs.  “Red” works for scenes.  Forget using trendy new safe words.  Use “red.”

I also advocate the use of a safe signal.  When you use a ball gag in a scene, the bottom –unless he/she is a ventriloquist — cannot give a safe word.  So agree on a safe signal based on what type of scene you are doing.  A great one is a shaking of the head continuously left to right — like a “no” signal.  This is unmistakable, and does not require the hands, which might be bound.  Between safe words and safe signals, you have increased safety a hundred fold.

Most BDSM writers always talk about a “safe call.”  In this case the old expression –  “after all is said and done, more is said than done” —  is applicable.  Most people never use the safe call procedure.  But if used properly, safe calls are really good tools – especially when you play for the first time with someone you hardly know.  In this age of the cell phone, it is really easy to have someone waiting for your call to see if all is well – and to arrange for any contingency plans should help be required.

Another safety key is…not playing with unsafe players!  Sometimes there are players who have gained a reputation for being unsafe; most times these reputations — if they are widespread and repeated by respected members of the community — have some basis in fact.  Stay away.  But there are other red flags.  When playing for the first time, a big red flag is when the Top says, “I never allow a safe word.”  They might rationalize it by saying something like, “I am into TPE and do not believe in safe words.”  Well, many in TPE relationships do eschew the safe word.  But this only happens after a relationship is established; eliminating the safe word is generally negotiated after playing for awhile.  Anyone who says “no safe words” right out of the box really hasn’t got a clue.

As for the scene itself, the oft-repeated advice of planning a scene in advance will add to the safety of it.  Some scenes are pretty safe in and of themselves — an interrogation scene, for example.  Others — such as mummification or breath play — are much more dangerous.  Make sure the skill level of the Dominant (as he/she is in control) matches the danger quotient (D.Q.) of the scene being attempted.  And though much of what I outlined here has been discussed before, there is nothing wrong in stating the obvious if it can save you a trip to the hospital. Remember, “Safety isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!” 


After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange, submissive

Fantasy vs. Reality-Heavy and Experimental Play

September 23, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

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YIPEEEE!!!!! We made it into the room where all the fun stuff begins and there is SO MUCH OF IT!!!!! 

I get it, I was there too once upon a time. The possibilities SEEM endless and for most folks imaginations, they are. Emphasis on imagination. It is fun to think of all the kinky scenes we can design or be a part of. Why not stretch our imagination? I do for sure! 

Imagination, fantasy, is not a problem. It spurs us to be more creative, think of new and exciting ways to turn each other into pretzels, and is just plain HAWT! 

Where the issues begin is not matching our fantasies, with reality. Or more accurately not being able to distinguish between the two. Some people want to implement play that would be highly dangerous even for the most experienced players. I believe this comes mostly from a place of naivete. Where they have not learned enough to even ask the right questions yet……. and/or perhaps a bit of frenzy mixed in. Yes, frenzy happens to tops also. Then there are the nutters like me.

Whatever category you fall into, dreams have their place, but they can also be dangerous if taken too far. How do we distinguish between those fantasies and reality? A cool idea vs. an actionable scene.

  • The First Stop Sign

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) has been part of kink culture since the 80’s, Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) the 90’s, and more recently Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK…. No not that one…. eyes front). 

Consent, being the commonality in all three.

We may have this amazing idea for a new predicament bondage rig using a wagon wheel and a charged firehose; a suspension involving two bull elephants and an East Indian Mahout; or better yet melting overhead blocks of ice containing daggers that drip icy cold droplets on our slave in between the thunks of many Gerber Mark IIs burying themselves in the plywood beside them one after another as the warm breeze from my heat gun melts it all away. None of that matters if someone is not willing to say yes.

We can dream all we like, but if multiple people are saying no, and even hell no; perhaps our image of using 300-pound sheets of sugar glass to sandwich our submissive over an ant hill may not be such a brilliant idea. (I originally wrote “hot” instead of brilliant, but the hot sun is part of the scene so…. yeah there’s that.)

One last note on consent and heavy/experimental play. If the particular scene is going to happen in a place we do not personally own, we should run it by the owners of the venue first. There is not much worse than the fantasy finally coming to fruition and having a giant pile of, “NOPE!,” dropped on it by a DM or the owners themselves mid-scene. Get their consent and rig your play area accordingly to prevent interruptions.

  • The Second Stop Sign

Feasible. Has what we want to attempt been done before and by whom? (I saw Cirque De Soleil do it!)

What skills does it take to pull it off? 

Sure, as evidenced above I can come up with some off-the-wall shenanigans. If I have not developed the associated skills to do it reasonably safely then attempting the feat would be pointless. Like racing the 24 Hours at Le Mans in a Prius. Of course, what is within reason for one person, will not be the same for someone else.

I know most of what we do is not “safe,” really, I do. But having the skills to do what we are conjuring up, matters if we are planning on attempting it. Especially when it comes to preventing bad things from happening, and everybody having a good time.

I am not a fan of seriously damaging people or prison, and hopefully you are not either. So winging it….probably not a good plan. 

  • Yet Another Red Octagon bearing, “ALTO!”

Risks involving heavy/experimental play. What are they and can we mitigate them? If something does go badly, we want the negative impact to be as minimal as possible to all involved.

How can we alter our idea or put protective measures in place to lessen risks? Often that comes down to our creativity and getting help. Other folks in kink can help us identify what we need to do in order to create a better outcome. USE THEM! I do. If I come up with some crazy hairbrained scheme one of the first things I do is run it by someone else. They tell me I’m nuts and to go fuck myself….. then we have a lengthy conversation involving a lot of what ifs.

For the risks involved, do I have the skill to respond to the corresponding injuries or issues that may arise? Can I learn them? If not is there someone who can be present who does? We do not always have to be the person who knows and can do everything. However, where we have gaps, it helps to have people present who know the things we do not. 

Once you’ve assessed the risks, and talked them over with your bottom, there needs to be a real gut check for all involved. Ask the question, “Is it worth the risk?” If both of you say yes, then so be it. If one of you hesitates or says no….. it’s probably time to go back to the drawing board. (I find crayons helpful…. the colors keep things organized. And besides, who doesn’t like crayons?)

  • The Consequences

After all the planning, risk mitigation, negotiations, and discussions we must come to terms with the potential consequences. What are they and can we live with them if it does not go as planned?

Not always an easy question to answer but really, this part is no more complicated than that. 

Answer the question honestly. It does no good to lie to ourselves.

  • Ways to Help Make our Outrageous Fantasies….Kinda Sorta Come True

Get Help – Aside from having the skill, a willing and knowledgeable bottom, and measures in place, one of the best resources we have for carrying out a new-fangled adventure is another well experienced top or bottom. Someone to help us plan and evaluate; a person who can be in the room/venue who is keeping tabs on our bottom, us, and the situation as a whole; a sounding board to help keep us in check. When we do new things which are risky (well riskier than our normal), we often cannot see the forest because of the trees. Having that additional set of eyes becomes invaluable.

Break it Down- If the whole of the idea does not work together, perhaps pieces and parts can work separately until we are confident enough to launch the whole rocket at once. Even NASA experiments in stages, one piece at a time. Practicing and becoming proficient in one element, then adding another gives us a methodical way to build skill and confidence. It may take a lot longer to get to the final goal, but chances are you will be more successful.

Change it Up- What if I changed my dagger scenario from real ones to fake ones? Or used a blindfold and replaced the ice blocks with daggers my bottom observed being suspended with blocks containing golf ball sized rocks? We may not be able to do something exactly how we dreamt, but we can modify the thought into something more manageable. Let those creative juices out not just thinking of a new torture, but also solving the pending problems accompanying it.

Slight of Hand- Simulation, slight of hand, or any manner of tom foolery can help us get the effect we desire without doing exactly what we concocted whilst counting sheep and drooling on a pillow. We can set a scene one way, put a blind fold on our bottom and remove or modify the most dangerous elements. The fear/anticipation peak will likely still linger, even though we have mitigated some of the actual danger. (pssst….. mobile platforms, turn tables, and rotating walls are great for this….set two scenes one hidden and one not…. Then move your bottom accordingly 😊)

Just Dream- Some things, no matter how much we wish it, simply should not happen. That does not mean it’s gone forever; we can still talk about it. Maybe weave the fantasy into a hot dialogue during another activity to get our bottom all revved up. Tease them with the thought of it in the middle of the day via a text from work. Turn it into a hot erotic story the two of you take turns writing in a journal. Who knows, maybe they will help you game out something just as fun…. But much more doable. 

  • To Dream the Impossible Dream

Dreams are not stupid. They are budding possibilities and have driven some of the most amazing advances mankind has ever seen. Sometimes though, they should stay where they were born, in our heads. Like the Hindenburg or Return of the Living Dead Part II. (No, you horror movie freaks….it really was that bad!)

Sometimes we just need to think about our dreams differently, like using Helium instead of Hydrogen. You were flexibly minded enough to come up with the original idea…. Keep thinking, all may not be lost.

Through all of it remember we need to consider consent, feasibility, skill, resources, risks, and the consequences. Really think things through. We want this to be a phenomenal experience which will not happen if one of our elephants walks away for want of a wrangler or we drop a wagon wheel on a bare foot.

Taking a long time to plan something may take the wind out of our sails sometimes. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. If it’s that hard to pull off, we probably are not ready for it, yet. Break out the crayons.

Like everything else we do in kink, there is a balance point where things just work. Maybe we’ll find it, maybe we won’t. But for certain we will learn something along the way while scheming out our latest kinky brain bonanza.

Keep dreaming……. Our wild ideas have a place in kink too.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, consent, fetish, kink

This week in kink: September 27, 2021

September 23, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

Woman uses man as a chair in viral video!

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‘And they say chivalry is dead’: Woman uses man as ‘boy chair’ in viral photo, sparking debate

Pro Domme tells couples when to have sex!

Click below to read more from the Central Recorder!

Dominatrix shares best time of day to have sex – and you should avoid evenings

PsyPost says that kinksters have higher pain thresholds!

Click below to find out more!

People who partake in BDSM have higher pain thresholds, according to new research

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, fetish, kink, power exchange, sex

On Being A Man In The Kink Scene

September 16, 2021 By SafferMaster 2 Comments

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My sister died recently and one of my children said in response…”she lived well”…which I found an odd  reaction considering that she had spent many years in seclusion fighting depression, had not been able  to maintain employment, and had otherwise swindled people out of money to survive. I found his  remark, well, odd.  

Even so, his note that “she lived will” had me look at my own life from the point of view “lived well” and  to make an assessment of what that expression implies for my experience of being alive.  

As a boy, I was not particularly aware of myself. I fantasized a lot about life because I spent a lot of time  reading books, many more adult than probably made sense for a kid to read. So, I spent a lot of my  youth in fantasy. I masturbated furiously. I grew up without TV, skin magazines like Playboy and  Penthouse, were banned, and so much of my fantasy reflected the adult books I read.  

As a teenager, I became aware of my athletic prowess, and excelled at all sports. I played soccer, rugby,  cricket, tennis, squash, field hockey, and did track and field. I also swam and dived. I had great balance,  and body control and good hand-eye and foot-eye coordination and I had a high IQ for sports. I was just  not a very big fella, so I ended up growing into a competitive gymnast that competed at the very highest  level thorough high school, and I played soccer at a high level too. In class, I was the “funny guy”. I drove  teachers crazy. I became aware that girls found me sexually attractive. When I was 16, I spent time in  Berlin and hung out in sex shops. I brought home a very kinky German kink magazine that had scenes in  it with bondage, discipline, incest, anal, piss play, and more. My masturbation fantasies changed almost immediately.  

I dated girls from about age 13, although it was all very innocent until I was about 17 or 16, when Pam,  this voluptuous sexy vixen, the high school prom queen, took me into a room at a party one night and  said “I have been waiting to get you alone” and then she pushed me onto a bed and to my delight, she  sucked my cock.  

The girls came fast and furious after that. I fucked as if I was the last man on earth. And I was not at all  aware of my manhood. If she was willing, I fucked her.  

When I met, dated and then married my wife between 5 and 8 years later, I was mostly aware of the  expectations of family and society. Get married, hold down a job, have children etc., and I can now say  with certainty, that I was completely unaware of myself as a man. Sex was largely fetish free. She was  the preacher’s kid after all.  

I first became aware of my sexual masculinity about 10 years later, at age 38, This occurred in part  because while raising children, my wife simply refused me her body. Once she stopped nursing, she  persisted in her refusal. There I was, providing for her and my children and she simply turned off our  sexual connection along with the associated loss of intimacy and relatedness. the next few years were  hard. Sex is my love language.  

I had not signed up for this, so I asked for a divorce. We set about starting that process and realized that  it would be quite complicated. We agreed not to pursue it, and to have a slightly open relationship…a  don’t ask don’t tell policy. It was not workable. I was miserable. I called a lawyer. 

My first real moment of clarity occurred when about 6 years into our estrangement, even as I was still  working on terms of a divorce, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and begged me to “stay and to  make it go away”. I remember, I was speaking to my attorney on the phone, and she called on the other  line and asked to speak to me urgently. I hung up to take her call. She was hysterical and said, tearfully,  “you can’t leave now”. She asked for me help. I agreed. I set to one side my differences with her while  we set about managing and treating her illness.  

During the next 8 to 10 years or so, I learned more about my masculinity as I encountered women who  made themselves sexually available to me and who enjoyed my fetishes. On a gradient I learned more  about the full spectrum of my kink. I also discovered that when submissive women are self-expressed,  

they are more connected to their primal selves and more authentic than I was able to deal with at first. I  needed time to understand the sexual power I seemed to naturally exude.  

When I finally got divorced, I was lucky to meet several self-expressed submissive women who pushed  me to explore the darkest parts of my nature and who gave me access to the full spectrum of kink, and a  glimpse into the true power of a D/s dynamic. It was a bit of a surprise to find so many women eager to  submit. I had no idea. In many ways I was living a sheltered life till then. I learned a lot about my desires  by taking on different Dom personas. I found myself a solid disciplinarian, a sadist who enjoyed wielding  the cane and the flogger. I found chains appealing. I found I enjoyed acts of humiliation including water  sports. I discovered I liked the excitement of kink. Tying up and fucking women was more appealing than  I realized. I also came to recognize newly that for me, sex is indeed my love language, and I was  determined to find a woman who was both horny and an obedient submissive masochist. Even with  access to the full spectrum of kink, I was still empty inside. I wanted, in fact needed the intimacy of a  loving relationship in addition to the kink. In addition to a through the roof sex drive to match my own  she needed be comfortable in her body, and also searching for more than kink and sex. I craved kinky  sex for sure, but mostly I craved the intimacy that leads to a meaningful loving relationship, and I was  convinced that I needed to partner with a likeminded submissive.  

I began to truly discover my masculinity and unlock the power that the D/s dynamic allows as possible.  The deeply naturally dominant male inside me longed for and needed the power of a loving and willing  slut with whom I could accomplished the impossible. I intended to experience my own masculinity more  acutely while she herself realized her own femininity as a corollary. I wanted a partner who would jump  into the rabbit hole with me, hand in hand. It occurred to me that as much as I needed to be a sadistic  Dom, I needed a submissive slut who herself needed to explore her own masochistic tendencies. We  cannot exist at all without each other, and I set out to find her. That much was clear. As I searched for  her, luckily, I found her searching for me. Our good fortune is that we are completely aligned. It’s  perfect. We are deeply connected and aligned in every aspect of our kink and more. We have been  exploring our 24/7 TPE D/s dynamic, stretching each other and growing ourselves. It’s been amazing.  

It’s only now, 3 years in, as the Dominant partner in a Total Power Exchange with Lady Petra that I truly  have access to the deeply dominant masculine nature of my authentic self. What I thought was  dominance has changed completely inside that exchange. I am responsible for her sexuality and her  wellbeing and the impact of that has caused me to use her often and hard every single day, while at the  same time, ensuring that she is deeply fulfilled in her own sexual self-expression. Or as she puts it, I “use  her up”. There is more intimacy than I thought possible. I have learned how to be vulnerable. I have  learned how to meter my power, and how to enroll her in her submission. There is much that has come out of our dynamic, including collaring her that itself has led to such amazing blistering hot sex that I am  filled with desire for her on a daily basis. She is my muse. She is the loving object of my poetry. With her  I am fulfilled as a man like never before. I am also deeply in touch with my primal sexuality. This is new  for me and has only been true for me when I am with her and in the throes of our mutual ecstasy that  we find each other most appealing, and the sex so satisfying.  

She has given me the very best gift a man can have. My manhood. My masculinity. I am deeply grateful  to have enjoyed this chapter of my life so far. I can say now, finally, that “I have lived well” too.  

**Note, this is a personal exploration and not meant to be a commentary on masculinity in general (the author).

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm relationship, consent, contracts, dominant, fetish, kink, power exchange, protocol, rituals, submission, submissive headspace, submissive training

Benefits To The Dominant

September 16, 2021 By Ms. Rika 3 Comments

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all my articles in KinkWeekly!  

A man approached me, asking for help convincing his wife to take him on as her submissive. As they  often do, he explained how she is very demanding naturally: Always wanting to be in control of the  household, always “mothering” him and always telling him what he can and can’t do, etc. He said she’d  be the “perfect dominant”.  

He explained that they had discussed his interest in submitting to her a few times – and that they had  even tried evenings and weekends, where he was her slave. They both enjoyed themselves during these  sessions, but their dynamic reverted immediately after the session was over and she never seemed to initiate it on her own, afterwards.  

He had tried to broach the subject, but she eluded (his word) his efforts. He tried “Stealth Submission”  (submitting to her without her knowing, in hopes that she would like the service and start to demand it),  but she never caught on that anything was happening.  

To convince her to let him serve her, he had created a rationale list: 20 reasons why accepting him as  her submissive would benefit her. Things on the list included: “Never having him disagree with her”,  “Never pestering her for sexual activity and leaving initiation to her alone”, “Getting all the housework  done to her satisfaction”, “Staying by her side at all times so that he’s always available”, “Staying in  chastity to assure all attention stays on her”, “worshiping her”, “waking her up to oral sex every  morning”, etc. 

Reading through the list, it was obvious that he had absolutely no idea what his wife really wanted from  him. I asked him if she had suggested ANY of the things on the list, to which he replied, “No…but it’s in  her nature”. I reasoned with him that, given his natural submissive tendency, if his wife wanted him to  be her slave in the manner he was presenting, after 10 years of marriage, didn’t he think he’d already be  on his knees? I mean, if she really wanted him in chastity, giving her oral sex every morning, wouldn’t he  already be doing it? He sat, a little at a loss for words. 

Then, he presented the next most frequent argument: That he would be love to give her all the things  she wants, if she would just take control of him. I asked, “So, what you’re saying is that the only way  your wife can get what she really wants from you, is to make it fun for you? You would not be interested  in actually serving her unless she first serves your fantasies?” That got a quiet stare. 

I explained that “benefits” are in the eye of the beneficiary. If she doesn’t see something as a benefit,  then it isn’t one. Period. I asked him if the things he was offering up as benefits were really things that  he honestly felt SHE would consider a benefit. He admitted that he didn’t really know for sure. 

The only way for a submissive to know what a given dominant feels are the true benefits of having them  as a submissive, is for her to communicate them to him. If she offers up that definition of submission,  then it behooves him to listen! If she doesn’t offer it up, then it’s up to him to ask. I tried to help him  with techniques to get her to formulate a definition of submission to her (the Egyptian Pharaoh Exercise,  for those of you who have read my writings).

He asked me what I felt the chances were that she would find doing things like “putting him in chastity  and making him do housework naked except a collar” would be submission for her. I told him that I  didn’t know her at all – and that he had a much better shot at answering that question than I did (and I  assume he already knows the answer, BTW). I suspected the answer would be “very low”, but I also said  that I wouldn’t rule anything out – and that it was possible. Then I pointed out that the upside of getting  her to define what submission means to her, is that, if in fact she DOES enjoy those things, he’s going to  end up doing them, anyway. I repointed him to the Task List Exercise, as a great way to help categorize  and structure ideas for submission. He agreed to try it out. 

What I find so interesting is how many people fall into the same trap of assumption and stereotype. I  believe they want their partner to want what the stereotype tells them is desirable, and are afraid to  explore their unique partner’s reality. They think it’s easier to get their partner to change than to change  themselves, which is a fallacy, since change is a function of motivation – and who has the strongest  motivation to make a D/s dynamic work? 

The infamous Rolling Stones lyric, “You can’t always get what you want…but you find sometimes, you  get what you need” is in full-force here. Long-lasting happiness comes from getting what you need, not  from getting exactly what you want. In the case of submission, long-lasting submission comes from  finding what you need through giving your dominant what they want. Find out what truly benefits your  unique dominant – and deliver that to the best of your ability! 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm relationship, dominant, power exchange, protocol, rituals, service, submissive, submissive headspace

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