beginner

My First Play Party

November 20, 2017 By Jenn Masri Leave a Comment

I get asked by friends all the time, “Jenn, don’t you get tired of teaching the same basic stuff over and over?”

To that I say no. The reason I don’t get tired of what I do is for many reasons. I am giving info and providing opportunities that I wished I’d had when I was new, seeing people discover new things makes my heart super happy, and staying in touch with new folks week after week keeps me in touch with when I was new. I think it’s important to remember what that was like – otherwise it’s easy to become jaded, frustrated and even judgmental. What becomes second nature or common knowledge to us is often foreign to a new person. There is a learning curve here.

So having said all that I wanted to go back to my first ever public play party.

When I started in the scene I went to classes and munches and spent much of my time in the rope world and the spanko world. I got involved with a spanko group (which still exists) that, at that time, consisted of private parties in the group leader’s residence. Then one of the members of that group hosted a spanko party at a dungeon. I decided this would be a safe entry into the dungeon play party world because at least I would know a few people. This party happened to be held at a well-known dungeon in North Orange County here in SoCal.

I pulled into the parking lot in my family size SUV and I just sat there for a while. The address I punched into my Garmin took me to an industrial business type building so I had to double check my GPS like 25 times to make sure I wasn’t in the wrong place. Then I noticed people starting to arrive. I scoured their clothing and noticed that most of the women were wearing things like sundresses or flowy knee length skirts! I panicked. I looked down at my tight denim mini skirt and 6 inch stilettos and I immediately doubted my choice of outfit! Would I stand out like a sore thumb? Had I worn the wrong thing? Before I let myself give in to the panic and just drive home, I decided to text the one person who I knew was at the party and that I actually had a number for. (It happened to be the leader of the group at the time.) I told him I was parked outside and afraid I’d dressed inappropriately. I asked him to please come out to my car and tell me if I was right. (yes, he was nice enough to leave the party and come out to calm my fears) He laughed on his way to the car, shaking his head, and once he saw my outfit he assured me I would be completely ok. He walked me in and we went inside to where the party was happening.

The first thing I did was make a friend – a cute girl in pigtails and a cheerleading outfit – because at least she was another person not in a casual sundress! She and I sat and hung out and I realized that there was a reason for all those sundresses and flowy skirts. This was a spanko party and they were easy to flip up!! Lol Oh was I relieved! It wasn’t about a dress code or what outfit was appropriate, it was just easier access for what they were there to do!

After that realization I relaxed, met more people, including some from a class I’d been in a couple weeks before, and had a good time. There is more to the story but I covered the point of this article. Your first public play party can be scary and overwhelming. It’s ok to admit that and to reach out to a friendly face. It’s also good for veterans of the scene to remember this if you are the one they reach out to!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

FIRE PLAY: The Submissive’s Beginner Guide

October 2, 2017 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

This article is a beginners guide to fire play and is addressed to the submissive. But before we can begin, it is “small print disclaimer” time.

(The disclaimer: Fire play is one of the most dangerous types of BDSM play. It should not be attempted without a skilled Top who is experienced in the art. Simply reading about it will not be sufficient. Thus, this article is simply an overview, not a “how-to.” It will, however, give you pointers to evaluate whether your Dom/me knows what he/she is doing. No matter what, if you decide to attempt fireplay, you are doing so at your own risk. Done improperly, fire play can severely burn your skin or even burn your house down.)

Fire play, as opposed to ice play, has real serious safety concerns surrounding it. After all, when is the last time you saw a house go up in ice? (Ice play does have dangers; burning down the neighborhood is not one of them.) Fire is, and will always be, perilous. The best way to begin is be sure you are playing safely. When you begin, make sure you are in the hands of an expert; thus any dangers are kept to a minimum. Much like skydiving, the risks multiply exponentially when the person packing your chute is incompetent. That said, what exactly is fireplay and how should you begin?

Fireplay consists of swabbing a portion of the skin with a thin layer of 70% (maximum) isopropyl alcohol and setting it on fire for a very short period of time. Those who experience it claim that not only is the sense of (real) danger a rush, but there is also the warm sensual sting of the fire as it caresses — and lightly burns — the skin.

If you are combining bondage with fire play, avoid using handcuffs or other slow release items. Rope – with a pair of sharp surgical scissors at the ready – is the way to go. As with any other BDSM scene, safewords – and in this case a safe signal, too – should be agreed upon beforehand. Since hair burns, and burns fast, only hairless areas of the body should be used for fireplay. Typically, the back and the upper shoulders are chosen. If you have long hair, tie it up out of the way or cover it with a wet bathing cap or some such flameproof covering.

Your Dom/me, who will guide your through your first fire play scene, will check for, and remove, all flammable items in the play area. (That leaves out ever attempting it in bed!) He/she will also assemble the tools of fire play next to the play area. These usually consist of a steel bowl, a bottle of 70% isopropyl alcohol, the surgical scissors, a number of two or four inch gauze squares, a bowl of cool water with a cloth dipped in it, a plain butane cigarette lighter (not a torch), a violet wand or candles to light the flame, a fire extinguisher and a first aid kit. If all these items are not close by, or your Top is haphazard or sloppy in his approach, it is time to bail.

The Dom/me will pour the alcohol into the steel bowl and dip one of the gauze squares into the alcohol and rub a thin, dripless layer across the hairless skin. He/she will then light the alcohol and, right after the flaming WHOOSH (what a rush!), will immediately cool the area with the wet cloth. Ice can be also be incorporated into fireplay as well. Switching between fire and ice can produce intense sensations.

The key to enjoying fire play is to relax. This is best accomplished by playing with someone who is very accomplished in this area. If you do otherwise, you are playing with fire!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

To Switch Or Not To Switch?

July 3, 2017 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

With the “Changing of the Old Guard,” I would like to address actual questions that are submitted to me. My answers, of course, are merely my opinions and should be taken as such. Nevertheless, our aim here at kinkweekly.com should be to encourage BDSM dialogue, and answering actual questions is one good place to start.

Here is this week’s question: “I am a Millennial new to BDSM. I like the idea of having a sex slave, but I’d also be interested in subbing to the right person. How do I begin my BDSM journey? I’m not sure who to approach or how. Should I call myself a switch? Should I only contact switches for advice or play?”

By your question, it is clear that you are unsure where you want to wind up. Many Millennials new to BDSM are experimenting. It is hard for newbies to predict where they will land in the BDSM spectrum. So, my first piece of advice is to follow BaadMaster’s patented three-step formula (sounds impressive, huh?) for finding out where you lie in the BDSM continuum.

1. Get in touch with what you really want. Be honest with yourself. Clear your mind and think of what fantasies really turns you on – no matter how extreme it might be. Get an idea of the range of play will help you focus on what you want — and what you don’t want. Try and put these fantasies in your order of preference. After a while, you will get a pretty good idea of what is hot to you – and what is not.

2. Decide which among these fantasies you would actually do. There is a difference between thinking something is exciting and actually doing it. Thus, you must make a realistic appraisal of those activities that will attempt – and those you simply won’t do.

3. The intersection of one and two is where you should begin your BDSM journey.

For example, you already said that you want to own a sex slave. Unless you only fanaticize about it and won’t actually do it – for whatever reason – then it is time to explore this fantasy. Tell any prospective play partner, straight up, that you are looking for a sex slave. Don’t lie and say you are an experienced Dom/me, but rather look for a submissive who is into learning with you.

On the other side, you should also look for a Dom/me who might give you some real time experience in subbing. The object is to find out not only what turns you on, but also what areas you have a natural aptitude for.

At this point, you are simply trying to learn; you should not concern yourself with labels. However, if one label does apply, it is newbie. But don’t worry; everyone was a newbie once. Experience will teach you whether you are a Dom/me, sub or switch — not some abstract idea of what you want to be. Forget labels; just learn what you really are.

In the era that predated our current Internet age, there existed a group of loosely affiliated leather groups that came to be known as the Old Guard Leather Societies. Although much is lost to history, legend is that they had a precept that “you cannot become a Master or a Top without having been a slave or a bottom.” Either consciously or unconsciously, you are following that time-honored principle. Since you are lucky enough to be able to both Top and bottom while you learn, this is a great way to go. Whether you become a Dominant or a submissive, you will be better for it. And if you wind up a switch, you will be an experienced one. Not a bad start, I must say!

beginner

Footer