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Five Reasons to Support Your Local BDSM Community

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Here are 5 reasons to support your local BDSM Community:

1) If you are new I highly suggest you get out and start by attending classes and munches. Even if a class topic doesn’t particularly interest you I still suggest going if you can. No matter what, you will learn new things, meet new people, or perhaps run into people you’ve met at previous classes and/or munches, etc. Take some time to simply absorb and observe. If you go to play parties there is nothing wrong with (respectfully) watching people play. You can learn so much by doing this!

2) If you aren’t so new to the scene I always suggest still going to events and classes. My philosophy is that you can stop learning when you die. There will always be new perspectives and techniques that you haven’t been exposed to. Or perhaps another generation of kinksters begins writing their own rules. May as well be aware of the changes, right? Classes also serve as reminders of things we may forget or not really think about anymore. Another great thing about getting out to any event – classes, munches, parties – is that it creates an opportunity for you, the seasoned player, to offer your knowledge and/or experiences to newer folks. Whether that’s through talking to them or being one of the scenes they happen to observe that night.

3) Keep events up and running. Any event is in danger of no longer continuing if people don’t go. Feed the educational cycle – help parties and munches last. This is especially true in smaller cities or towns. Even in Los Angeles I have seen munches and parties end due to lack of interest or attendance. Then people complain that they don’t happen anymore. You gotta show up!

4) Support local vendors. This is the idea of buying local as opposed to big companies. Vendors that you see sitting behind booths at events put hours of work into their craft. Each piece typically made by hand. Consider purchasing from them instead of big on-line companies. The more they sell, the more they can put back into their business and create more fabulous items!

5) If you see a void that needs to be filled – stop complaining and make it happen! This was my philosophy when I started my BDSM 101 class series as well as the parties I host. I wanted to create things that I wished I’d had when I was new. If you really wish there was a party with a specific theme or that caters to a specific crowd – talk to venue owners and see if you can give it a go! If you feel like the community needs a certain class taught – try to put it together. Whether it means you are qualified to teach it or if you need to find someone else to teach it – chances are if you want to see that topic taught, others do too. If you feel like your city could use a munch in your area, host one! If it starts out a little slow I suggest you stick with it for a few months at least. Sometimes new events can take a bit to catch on.

Bottom line is that we get what we give. Enjoy the things (parties, classes, locally made implements/goods, etc.) that are available to you so they can continue and if you see a void, do what you can to fill it. This community is its own giant energy exchange! ☺

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

What is a mentor?

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Welcoming partner

This article was one I had not planned to write. It really is not a fun topic; it is kind of dull and boring. Short of telling “this mentor walks into a bar” jokes, I cannot really make it interesting. Since my aim has always been to be fun to read, writing an article about mentors seems about as exciting as writing about great moments in hubcap history. But since this information is really needed — especially by those new to the lifestyle — I am going to attempt it anyway.

What exactly is a “mentor”? A “mentor” in the BDSM lifestyle has the same definition as that in the vanilla world: a guide, a teacher, an advisor, a protector, friend, an experienced source of lifestyle information and a protector. They are mostly Dom/mes who mentor new submissives (“newbies”), although Dom/mes can be mentored too.

As I have stressed many times, the more knowledge you accumulate in this lifestyle, the more enjoyable your journey will be. One way to gather this knowledge is to read all the articles here on kinkweekly.com. Another way is to meet an experienced guide/teacher – a “mentor” – who can help steer you around the pitfalls that you will encounter along the way. After all, the more you learn about this subject, the better able you are to know what you are seeking; you will become skilled at weeding out those people who are just in this for a “quickie.” (Yes, there are some of those!)

The problem that I have seen recently is that there is no shortage of unqualified people who wish to “mentor”a newbie submissive. Many want to become their confidant – and use it as a sneaky way to control a submissive. And this is a problem. For while a submissive might screen a prospective Dom/me nine ways to Sunday, he/she might simply accept some “mentor’s” claim of five years in the lifestyle without question. “He’s only a mentor” can be the reasoning here. But herein lies a danger – because a bad mentor can be a source of misinformation and a waste of time. Or even turn you off to the lifestyle.

I suggest screening a “mentor” with the same care as one would screen a prospective Dominant. Ask around and see if there are any lies or inconsistencies in his/her story. Look for “Red Flags” – for example if the mentor makes quick demands on a submissive. If the mentor immediately demands to screen all prospective Doms—red flag! Or if the mentor insists that all mail and messages go through him or her – red flag! Basically when you see any quick demand for an unwarranted amount of control – ditch his or her ass!

Keep in mind a mentor is a teacher, a confidant, a friend – not a Dom/me in disguise. That is disingenuous, dangerous and wrong.

Personally, I have met very few good mentors. Those few mentors that meet my standards are actually reputable Masters/Mistressses with slaves; they love to share their knowledge of the lifestyle and thus they mentor selected newbies who are referred to him.

I cannot personally mentor all of you who need a mentor; but I can help you with answers to some of your most pressing questions. Just e-mail me here at kinkweekly.com and I will try to help (or “mentor”) you.

Enough of the dull, albeit important, stuff. It is now time you to read one of my entertaining articles!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.