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Pro Dommes at DomCon LA

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Sexy young woman with whip in mouth at night

With Mistress Cyan’s DomConLA coming up this week, it might be time to discuss the growing number of Pro Dommes in our community. Of course, as the popularity of DomCon has exploded over the years, it is not only for Dommes anymore. There are people attending from every part of the BDSM spectrum. That is what makes it fun. Still, the most obvious BDSMers are the Dommes, both pro and lifestyle – after all, who can ignore latex clad Dommes in their nine inch stiletto heels?!!! In this article, I will concentrate on the Pro Dommes, as they are making their presence known on all social media – especially Twitter.

Pro Dommes.  Now here is a BDSM subject that is rarely written about.  Yet, professional Dommes and bondage go together like chocolate chips and ice cream. Just go to any lifestyle convention – like DomCon in both Los Angeles and New Orleans — and you will see more pro Dommes than you can shake a stick (or cane) at.  Not only are pro Dommes plentiful, but – given their sexsational outfits – they are among the most flamboyant and hot members of our community. And they are one part of our community that keeps many D/s protocols alive. If we had to depend on the Fifty Shades people…need I say more?

The reason for this article isn’t to hawk the wares of pro Dommes (they do a fine job, thank you), but rather to spotlight another service other than just giving a sub a beating he/she can’t get conveniently at home. (Although this is a rather popular aspect of pro Dommery!)

I am often asked, “How does one learn about BDSM play?”  Obviously, reading the articles on kinkweekly.com, going to a commercial dungeon, being mentored and talking to people in the lifestyle are the best ways. There is, however, another often overlooked approach to “learning the ropes” – going to a pro Domme. Let me explain.

Let’s say you are a newbie Dom and sub. By hiring a pro Domme, you can see exactly how a professional Top uses the tools of torment in a safe and controlled environment; you can learn how to properly scene by experiencing it upfront and personal.

I recommend you only hire a professional who works out of a reputable  dungeon, or one with references or one you connect with at DomConLA! One advantage of a convention is that there are many Dommes to choose from and you can meet them face-to-face. You can also ask lots of questions – and asking questions is the best way to get an understanding of any subject.

Working with a pro Domme is not only a unique — and fun — way of learning for a beginner, but it can also work for the more advanced player.  As every Dominatrix has a specialty, you can hire one who is an expert in an advanced area – such as edge play – that you want to learn. I personally know a Master who learned needle play from a pro Domme. You do not have to become the Pro Domme’s submissive to hire her; you can pay for her time just to learn. Just ask and you will find out if this arrangement is acceptable.

If you are wondering why I say pro Domme and not pro Dom, it is because there are not a lot of pro Doms floating around.  Sorry guys, the fantasy of making a living by spanking women for a fee is a hard one to fulfill. And, though there are a few professional Doms around (many are riggers for BDSM photo shoots), most dungeons specialize in pro Dommes.  Such is life.

This is but a small preview of DomConLA – and in it I offered a new way to approach Pro Dommes to expand your BDSM experience. Obviously, not every Pro Domme will agree to be a “mentor for hire.” But as I said in last week’s article, “One size does not fit all.”

I might add an invitation: if you are attending DomConLA this week, I will be hosting a panel discussion (shameless plug) on “Are We All Switches?” at the convention next Saturday at 6 PM.

It is a live extension of my kinkweekly.com article of the same name.  In it I opened:

“I think that, in our modern society, it is nearly impossible for anyone to be Dominant 24/7. For example, many Dom/mes work for corporations and thus – unless they own the firm – have a boss. When Dominants, no matter how Toppy, are told at the DMV, “Go to this line,” chances are they will comply. Get a call from the IRS, they will jump like a submissive hit with a single tail. Get stopped by a cop for a ticket, who becomes submissive? Thus, most Dom/mes, whether they admit it or not, have “submissive events” in their lives.”

Join the discussion.  It should be informative, entertaining and fun!

 

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

 

Who Has the Power

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lucy article

With DomCon Los Angeles coming up this week, I thought it enlightening to examine the basis of all D/s relationships – the “power exchange.” After all, if you are attending, you will see lots of Dommes – from professionals to lifestylers – in their fetish wear. Thus power exchanges will be front and center — in your face, so to speak. And likely a vanilla or newbie friend of yours will say something like, “D/s isn’t real, it is just role play.” Not so fast!

In our world of consensual power exchanges, there is always the argument as to whether there is an actual exchange of power and who, in fact, wields it. Those doubters always use the argument that, “Slavery is illegal in the United States” or, “You cannot legally consent to be someone’s slave.” Those statements might be true in a technical sense; but I always counter with, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.” When I see a slave serving his/her Master or Mistress, it appears that they are in a Master/slave state. I haven’t yet seen a slave tell her Mistress “get your own fucking cup of coffee” — as I have with vanilla couples. Until I see Masters/Mistresses and their slaves bickering like vanilla couples, one can only conclude there is definitely an exchange of power.

As to who wields the power, that is a more complex question. I think the actual power exchange is a two stage process. The first one is the negotiation phase, which I have covered in previous Kink Weekly articles. Here, in my opinion, the submissive holds the power. The potential slave has the veto power and is the one generally stating his/her hard limits. This “veto power” is, by its very nature, un-submissive and, from the Dom/me’s point of view, can be a bit unsettling. But, as I have stated, “Until you actually negotiate a D/s agreement, no matter how rudimentary, you are not anyone’s submissive.” But once we get to the next stage – the actual power exchange – the dynamic changes.

After the hard limits and parameters are worked out, the submissive, duh, submits. Now the power is ceded to the Dom/me. The Dominant is given authority over a negotiated range of the submissive’s life – from sexual to lifestyle aspects. The degree of this power varies from couple to couple, but the power is clearly in the hands of the Dom/me. And the power is real.
So, if your vanilla or newbie friend says something like, “D/s isn’t real, it is just role play,” it is time to set them straight. Yes, there are role play aspects in all relationships. But once in a committed D/s union – either by slave contract or any other means – there is definitely a power exchange.

Those sexy Dommes at DomCon LA – or at any BDSM or Fetish Club — might put on a good show, but they do have real, negotiated power over their slave or slaves. And even if the power exchange is just for a scene or a play evening, the power that the Dom/me has over the slave is quite real. And can also be a lot of fun!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.