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Practical Slave Positions

September 19, 2016 By Dexx 2 Comments

Slave positions are standard poses that you can teach your submissive or slave to memorize, to be assumed on command. The exercise of training a submissive in the poses, and punishing and rewarding them based on their successes and failures along the way, can be a fun and bonding play scene for those into domination and submission.

There are as many different slave positions as there are dominants, but below we have outlined 12 of the most popular which you can use as a starting point for training your submissive.

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Everyone has different needs and physical limitations, so as the Dominant, consider some leniency while your slave is getting used to the different body positions. You may find that one position exacerbates an old injury or perhaps your slave is not flexible enough to achieve another. All of the following examples can be modified or simply removed all together based on your preferences and the limitations of your slave’s body. On the other hand, most can be made more difficult by adding additional elements like wearing high heels while holding the positions.

Position 1 – Present

Present slave position – sitting down on knees, with knees spread wide and hands palm up on thighs.

This position is a great starting point for training your slave in positions. It’s easy to learn and not too difficult to maintain However, if the slave is wearing heels or not the most flexible, then this position may become uncomfortable after a while. I like this one as it shows respect and patience in the part of the slave.

Position 2 – Submit

“Submit” slave position – kneeling forward face down with knees spread and arms stretched in front.

Submit may look familiar, as it is quite similar to “child’s pose” in yoga. It’s pretty comfortable to remain in for longer periods of time, and puts the slave into a nice downward facing submissive posture. They won’t be able to see what you’re doing, and the forehead on hands lends itself well to having your slave get into a relaxed state of mind.

A more difficult variation of this position is “grovel”, where the arms are in a box position behind the back (shown in the picture at the top of this article).

Position 3 – Kneel Forward

“Kneel forward” slave position – straight arms and hips forward from knees

This position is essentially plank pose, but on the knees so a little less intense. When held correctly (with hips forward of knees), it will be challenging to endure for periods. A more difficult variation is “punishment” where the feet are held off the ground (increasing pressure on the knees).

Position 4 – Kneel Back

“Kneel back” slave position – kneeling with knees wide, while leaning back onto straight arms.

Those with tight thigh muscles will find it a challenge to get into this position. It’s a very submissive and aesthetically pleasing position, which provides great access to all of the front of the slave’s body.

Position 5 – Expose

“Expose” slave position – kneeling with hands behind head and knees spread wide

This position is named very aptly. I could picture sitting a slave in a corner at a public dungeon or play party in this position, for all to see (and have several times in fact).

A variation is to have the slave crouched on feet rather than knees, and the arms can be behind the back rather than over the head (pictured on the right above).

Position 6 – Hands

“Hands” slave position – arms together held out in front while kneeling down

This position is a test of endurance on the arms. To make more difficult, have them straighten their arms, or add an object like a book to be held (as shown in the picture).

Position 7 – Floor

“Floor” slave position – lying face down, wrists cross behind back

The slave in this position feels true supplication. They are physically at the lowest level possible, which can be experienced at a very emotional level. The wrists behind the back means the full weight of gravity is felt on the body. This can be made more difficult by having the forehead rest on the floor rather than the cheek.

Position 8 – Apology

“Apology” slave position – lying face down, forehead down, arms spread wide

The forehead touching the ground ensures the slave cannot see anything happening in the room. The arms spread wide means the slave takes up more space, ensuring they are seen by all in the room. A big statement of obedience and total submission – perfect for a slave that has something to apologize for.

Position 9 – Wait up

“Wait up” slave position – standing with legs slightly apart, wrists crossed above the head

It’s like waiting, but with the hands neatly and submissively out of the way in case Master should feel like playing with the slaves tits. And certainly would never be confused with an independent person just casually standing around.

Position 10 – Wait

“Wait” slave position – standing with legs slightly apart, arms in box position behind the back

More subtle that “Wait up”, this can be a nice default position when waiting on the Master, or when in vanilla settings where it draws less attention that other positions.

A variation is to allow the legs to be only slight apart rather than spread wide, which will be more subtle and more comfortable for longer periods of time.

Position 11 – Spread

“Spread” slave position – lying down on back, with arms behind back in box position, and legs spread wide

This position coveys total sexual submission. The genitals and breasts are presented and available for the Master’s every whim.

Position 12 – Wheel

“Wheel” slave position – feet slightly apart, back bend supported by the hands

This shares the name of “wheel pose” (also known as upward bow) in yoga. It is the most difficult of these 12 positions to enter and maintain – a true test of strength and endurance. For those slaves who are able to hold this position for their master, the effort will be rewarded by the feeling of complete submission to their Master.

I hope these positions give you some great inspiration for training your submissive in slave positions! Many Dominants come up with their own names and variations on positions, and have their subs / slaves practice and memorize them based on position number, name or both. If you have a unique approach to slave position training, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.

Tip of the day: Interested in trying shibari rope bondage, either being tied up or learning to tie? Experience shibari in Los Angeles with Lovely Fate.

New Covid restrictions – should vaxxed people be exempt?

Fighting to Let Go

September 19, 2016 By Jenn Masri 6 Comments

I am the type of person that some people may call a power bottom or alpha sub, or something along those lines. Call me what you will. I am a strong, independent, mother of two who runs a private practice, teaches, and hosts munches and parties. I am an s-type who doesn’t identify as a slave, yet isn’t submissive in personality at all. Oh and I also enjoy topping occasionally – let’s just throw that in for good measure. In fact, most people if they don’t know, assume I am a D-type – until or unless they see me around my Sir.

There are so many other s-types out there that I know can relate. There is something that sets me apart from many of those which contributes to the point of this article (just keep reading – I promise I will get to the point). One of the differences is that most of my time in a dungeon is spent teaching, hosting, or being a therapist. I believe (feel free to correct me) that many – not all – of the other “Dominant s-types” can use walking into a dungeon as an associative cue to shift gears. They can leave their vanilla power jobs, kids, etc. at the door and go into s-mode. For me, however, walking into a dungeon typically means I am still “in charge”. As therapist, teacher, and/or host.

Ok so why am I talking about this? This article is based on a personal observation which I’m just hoping will help others though validation or better understanding of their own process. I recently (last night) was involved in a scene with my Sir. What I noticed was that at the beginnings of all my scenes (last night was no different) I have a “fight back” attitude. Now, I’m not talking about primal play or feeling feisty. I don’t actually fight back in terms of my behavior (as I would in a primal scene or with primal energy). It was more about where I was mentally. I noticed I was almost angry like, “Who do you think you are hitting me with shit? Fuck you!” I analyze what he’s doing – similar to what I would do if I was going to give feedback to a newbie. At some point my mindset shifts, however. At some point there is either enough time that has passed or enough pain that has been delivered that I can finally let go and allow my mind to follow my body. My Sir and I have implemented a scene protocol during set up as a way to help me shift gears, yet it still takes me a bit to really “feel it”. Once I get there it’s fantastic and I can let go in a safe space – whether it’s through pain, laughter or, like last night, tears.

So that was my observation and my theory as to why – including my added hurdle of not associating a dungeon with submission. Now I want to know what you do. Tell me if you can relate and, if so, what have you done to help your transitions? I hope at least that my self-analysis will lend some insight to a few others out there!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer here: http://www.akinkshrink.com/.

Bottoming From the Top

August 29, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

This article is addressed to the more advanced Masters/Mistresses among you, especially those who are involved in – or want to be involved in – Master/slave relationships. As opposed to many of my other articles, this one is mostly my own personal opinion. You might or might not agree with my observations; but I am presenting it as food for thought. (For the purposes of this article, I will use Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, slave and submissive interchangeably. I have covered in kinkweekly.com – and will cover in more detail – the differences between these terms.)

On the surface, Master/slave relationships seem pretty simple. But the dynamics of maintaining them can be a bit tricky. In previous articles, I have addressed the many common problems of maintaining BDSM relationships. Here I will discuss a more obscure problem I have noticed in some Master/slave relationships. I call it “bottoming from the Top.”

In any relationship, be it vanilla, D/s or M/s, both participants want it to work. This seems pretty obvious. But how you make it work is the trick. Theoretically, in a Master/slave relationship, the Master requests, the slave obeys — within, of course, the negotiated limits. And except for times when the Master makes an asinine demand outside those limits — like the “bus question” (below) — this should work just fine.

(For those of you unfamiliar with the “bus question,” which I referred to in a previous kinkweekly.com article, I will repeat it here:

The infamous BDSM question, “Would you walk in front of a bus if your Master ordered you to?” is usually answered, “Yes, but Master would never ask me to do it.” That is fine in theory. It sounds good. It works great online. But in reality, ask your submissive to walk in front of a bus and the answer will be “F*ck you, Asshole.” Notice, the word Master was quickly replaced by Asshole. Make a demand that can’t be honored, control can disappear in a N.Y. minute.)

But the obverse of making insane demands — “bottoming from the Top– can create problems, too. In this scenario, the Master/Mistress only asks for things they know the bottom will like or are easy to execute. “Master orders you to drink Coke, not Pepsi.” If this is done occasionally, then there will be few problems. It is when the Master/Mistress is constantly skewing his/her requests in such a way to please the slave that problems arise. Being a “Coca-Cola Dom,” as I put it, eats into the dynamics of the relationship and takes the “top” out of the Top. There must be some challenge for the submissive; predictability and dullness are not what BDSM should be about..

So why is “bottoming from the Top” as widespread as I have observed? Most times I have noticed this is done out of fear of upsetting the relationship; fear that if the Master screws up and asks for something the slave will refuse to do, he will lose the relationship. It is a totally justified and human fear and a hard one to overcome. To a greater or lesser degree, this fear is always present in any relationship. But being a Master or Mistress requires the ability to work around this tendency.

Naturally, a Master/Mistress should not ask for things that the slave would find abhorrent, even if not pre-negotiated as a hard limit. On the other hand, the Master should not be constantly thinking of only “what the slave will like.”

Ideally, Master/slave means the Master asks without guile, without over-thinking the request and without skewing his/her demands out of fear that the given request will not be precisely what the slave wants.

The closer you can come to this ideal — and it is an ideal — the closer you will come to a solid Master/slave relationship.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Chastity for Everyone! Part Two

August 22, 2016 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

Read part one here.

Let’s start with a BDSM riddle: “A Master asks his slave to spank him. Does this change the D/s dynamic?”
The answer, at least to this observer, is that it likely won’t. Although the slave might not have signed on to be a pain-giver, he/she will probably grin and “just do it.”

In this brave new world of gender – and even play – fluidity, it is likely that this will not harm a solid M/s relationship. And this will enable Doms to partake in BDSM activities that have usually been reserved for bottoms. If there is a solid M/s dynamic, a relatively minor request such as “spank me” should not harm a good relationship. Master stays Master, slave – even if he/she doesn’t like spanking the Master – remains slave. (One should, however, discuss this beforehand and find out if being a spanker is a hard limit.)

But what if the Master wants to partake in more extreme activities that have traditionally been reserved for slaves or submissives? One such area is chastity. As anyone who has abstained from sex knows, orgasms after “time off” can be extremely pleasurable. In last week’s “Chastity For Everyone Part I,” I postulated in that the reason chastity play is gaining popularity – with many subs paying Pro-Dommes substantial fees to experience it – is because it is an orgasm magnifier; sex is a supremely powerful motivator. After all, we are hedonists and most lifestylers are constantly trying to find new and exciting ways to unleash a super orgasm. (For the purposes of this article, I will not cover the mental aspects of chastity play, such as humiliation.)

While asking a submissive to spank the Master is no big deal in the larger scheme of things, requesting your slave to “put this cock cage on me” would be a bridge too far for most Masters and slaves. Since the title of this article is “Chastity For Everyone,” how do we enable the Master to experience the extreme pleasure of chastity without his brain shorting out?

The answer, surprisingly, lies in the “Coors Light” principle. Herein, you sacrifice some taste for a less caloric beverage. A compromise. Realistically, true chastity play, especially one with humiliation and other verbal aspects mixed in, only works for slaves and submissives. Masters and Mistresses will simply miss out on full blown, extreme chastity play. But that is much the same as missing out on a Rolls Royce. Likely, I will not own one. But that does not mean I cannot enjoy a Lexus. Thus, to approximate some of the “super orgasmic” aspects of chastity play, the Master can design a “Chastity Light” scenario. (Of course, we are discussing those M/s unions where sex is an integral part.)

Obviously, the Master can devise “Chastity Light” play any way he desires. The easiest and most effective way is to avoid having sex with your slave for an extended period of time. You can do all the other BDSM scenes – even allowing your slave to cum with, say, a Hitachi. But whatever your natural point of self-abstinence and getting terminally horny is, go way past it. As the Master, you can push the envelope to whatever level you feel most comfortable with. After all, the beauty of this approach is that the Master makes the rules – even for self-chastity.

This is uncharted territory – and just one way to plan an adventure into chastity play for the Dom. The only limits are the hard limits of your slave and the limits of your imagination.

But experimenting with new and exciting play concepts is one of the best aspects of being in the BDSM world!

Objectification: Part Two

August 1, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Objectification, as noted in last week’s article, has a built-in power disparity that works great in a D/s context. Since objectification play is more a mental exercise than a technical skill, it is ideal for those new in the lifestyle who want to establish, or reinforce, a power exchange. This practice can take many forms, but at its heart is the aim to strengthen the power disparity that is the core of any D/s interaction. And it is fun too!

So here is a list of eight additional Objectification scenarios that can add excitement to your BDSM – and sex — life.

The submissive as the Master/Mistress’s footstool. “Submissive as furniture” is probably the most popular form of objectification play. Often the submissive is required to be a footstool for the Dom/me. Or, the bottom can be turned into a table, on all fours, with dishes of food on his/her back. You can take this “slave as furniture” concept anywhere you want to. Slave as toilet. Slave as room decoration. Slave as ashtray.

Enforced Accessibility. This set-up is great for couples with an objectification fetish that want to reinforce the sexual aspects of submission. Different that the “sex doll” objectification in that the Dominant selects a particular period of time when the submissive must be available for sex, regardless of other considerations. During these specific periods of time the bottom knows that the Top can demand any sexual act from him/her and is required to be ready for such demands. Many couples find the both the anticipation by the bottom of such periods and the sexual objectification inherent in such a scenario to be incredibly exciting.

Forniphilia. Making furniture with a bound submissive is known as “forniphilia.” (There is a name for everything it seems!) Be forewarned. Don’t keep the sub in “furniture bondage” for too long. Watch for cramping. In this type of scene, a safe word is in order.

Combining BDSM with objectification. There is no rule that says objectification must be a stand-alone act. Tie a submissive to a St. Andrews Cross and talk about her/him in the objective case, hang a sign on her/him or put items on her/him are objectification scenes I have actually witnessed. The key is always making sure that the bottom is being objectified as opposed to just being scened with.

Objectification combined with humiliation play. An interrogation scene, where the submissive is treated as a nameless prisoner, is one way to go. This is likely to involve gags, blindfolds and verbal humiliation. Interrogation scenes, by their very nature, have a way of becoming harsh; care must be taken to respect negotiated limits.

Hood play. Just putting a hood on a submissive is exquisite objectification. She/he is, by definition, faceless and becomes nothing but an object. This is an extremely safe, yet incredibly effective, way of objectifying a submissive. Just make sure the hood is fitted properly and the slave can breathe easily.

Puppy play. This is another extremely popular activity. There might be a debate whether this is pure objectification; it might me more “animalization” if you wish to be technical. No matter, it is a very popular BDSM activity. In fact, there are national “puppy play” competitions. In this scenario, the bottoms become puppies; the “Master/Mistress” is often referred to as a trainer – as in animal trainer. Plush puppy paws, chew toys, puppy suits and leashes are items that “puppy players” use to take this style of “objectification” play to its highest levels.

Pony play. Again, one can debate if this is “objectification” per se. In pony play, the Dominant trains the submissive to walk, trot and act like a pony. The proper gait – from a slow trot to a cantor – and perfect pony posture are two of the aims of the serious pony trainer. The “show pony” is beautifully dressed in headgear, elegant footwear and reigns, often pulling a cart. This is a very safe – and pricey! — way to objectify one’s submissive, hence the large number of pony play aficionados.

Objectification runs the gamut from “human sex doll” to “slave as toilet,” from “hood play” to “forniphilia,” from “light verbal humiliation” to “heavy degradation.” Because of this wide range, it is one of the most popular forms of BDSM play. It doesn’t require years of practice to learn; you can get the same rush with objectification play as you can with a bullwhip. Just remember that you must always keep the psychological well being of the bottom in mind. Don’t push objectification to such a point that you can damage the submissive’s psyche. Have a safe word that the submissive can use for any reason that she/he feels her/his limits have been passed. Those safety considerations aside, this is a great way to have fun within your tastes and limits!

Objectification: Part One

July 25, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

There are so many activities that come under the broad banner of BDSM, D/s and fetish that it is hard to classify them in any logical way. This in itself is no big deal; it is not necessary to put every type of play into a neat little box – other then for purposes of discussion. Furthermore, often a given type of play takes on different dimensions depending on the players. For example, boot licking can be an exercise in submission for one couple, but could be nothing more than a kinky fetish with no D/s implications for another.

This is much the case with “Objectification,” which is usually defined as “the act of regarding or treating a person as an object.” Much like the boot licking example, it can be used in a D/s context or can simply be a kink or fetish. However, since objectification is such a great D/s tool, we will examine it from a Dominance and submission point of view.

So, let’s list — some in Part I and the rest in next week’s Part II — some awesome “objectification” scenarios. There is quite a range in these scenes. But the list should give you some ideas as to what level of objectification you might want to incorporate into your play. We might add that this list is far from complete; you can combine objectification with just about any BDSM activity. Imagination is your only limit.

• Permanently renaming the slave. In D/s couples, the removal of the birth name can be considered a form of objectification. This practice has very strong submissive symbolism and has the effect of “objectifying” the slave. The new persona can now be considered, for example, “slave Angel” and not simply “Ashley.” Of course, this can be just for a scene or a 24/7 name change or anything in between. When the Mistress/Master renames her/his submissive with “slave” in the new name, there is an inherent objectification and power exchange in this act.

• Requiring the slave to refer to him/herself as “slave.” Similar in spirit to renaming a slave – and often combined with it – requiring the submissive is to refer to him/herself in the third person is a very widespread BDSM tradition. This usually takes the form of the slave stating, for example, “This slave is the Master’s personal property.” This act of objectification is amazingly effective, even if it is only used during scenes. Requiring the submissive to be nothing more than “slave” is a very potent tool in the Dominant’s arsenal. When the newly named slave is instructed to refer to him/herself in the objective case, as in “This slave is Master’s property,” the couple is definitely adding to the power exchange. And all without the need to buy a new flogger!

• Human Sex Doll This is yet another user-friendly objectification scenario. This is especially good for beginners as it is an easy and fun way to experiment in basic D/s. In this scenario, the submissive partner becomes a living sex toy. The Top has total power over his/her “sex doll” within negotiated limits. Just make sure that you know your partners physical limits. For example, if he/she has any injuries, do not risk them by expecting certain sexual positions that can cause injury. That aside, there is little to be worried about here other than having too much fun!
• Caging. Putting a submissive in a cage can also have the effect of “animalizing” the submissive and is yet another distinct area of objectification play. If you put the submissive into the cage for an extended period of time, be aware of both the physical and emotional issues of longer-term confinement. Here a safe word is not only wise, it is essential. And you should instruct the submissive that the safe word can be used for both physical and/or psychological distress. And, if you ever leave the room, which I do not advise, it might be smart to leave the submissive with a cell phone – just in case. People can freak out when caged, even when they enjoy it.

Next week we will continue with more suggestions for Objectification Play. From forniphilia (guess what it is!) to hood play, we will offer eight additional scenarios that will be sure to completely fill up your “Objectification Card”!

The “Charlie Brown” Scene

July 19, 2016 By Jenn Masri Leave a Comment

You know the one. Everything just goes sideways. Nothing you planned seems to go the way you imagined. There are a few ways this can happen, but for this article I’m not going to talk about hitting triggers or pushing limits too far. I’m going to focus on a scene that includes things that you’ve maybe done a hundred times. A scene that, on paper, should be fantastic.

How can a scene like this go wrong?

Often it’s about head space. This can go for either partner. If the bottom had a rough day or they are stressed about work, family, etc. – it may be very difficult for them to stay connected during play. Same goes for the Top. Perhaps there are emotional or hormonal influences. One or both partners feel emotional (anxiety, sadness, depression, irritability…) and not know why. Yet it influences their focus on the scene or maybe their ability to “let go” and enjoy the moment they are sharing.

It may be indicative of a relationship issue. Perhaps something that happened shortly before the scene (minutes, hours, or days) that has yet to be discussed or resolved.

Other people in the room can also have a huge impact on head space. There may be another scene nearby that is completely distracting. Or, my favorite (can you hear the sarcasm here?), the rude “peanut gallery” standing way too close and having their own conversation or – better yet – throwing their two cents into your scene. These are all external influences that can really effect head space.

Another situation that causes a “Charlie Brown” scene is when the Top forgets which partner they’re playing with. This may sound absurd to some people reading this, however, I assure you it happens. What I mean by this is when the Top has several play partners and they mix up likes vs dislikes or they get a bit ahead of themselves and skip over the warm up, thus putting the bottom in “toleration” mode.

So what do you?

Whenever the scene is over, I recommend you have a conversation. (I know I always harp on the whole communication thing – Gah!) When the scene is over depends on you and/or your partner. Many times when a scene is just not going well, regardless of how many things you try, one person will call it before it would normally be over. This is ok. Even if you wanted it to continue, I recommend not “guilting” your partner about stopping the scene short.

Talk about what you’re feeling or what it is that’s on your mind. If it was external “noise” from other people then take a moment and decide whether or not you want to continue to play – perhaps in a different room. If it’s individual stressors or emotional reactions, let whichever partner that is having the feels talk it out. Maybe once they’ve vented a bit you can try to play again. If it was the scene itself (as in the scenario where the Top isn’t tuned into their partner who’s in front of them) then talk about what came up, what the Top was thinking or what felt off for the bottom. Decide together if you want to give it another go. As far as the unresolved relationship issues, well, work at resolving them! Not only that – also try and communicate about how to resolve issues in the future before they become a problem that, in turn, disrupts play.

Having said all that I will add that of course there are reasons a scene can go south that I haven’t mentioned. Hopefully you get the general idea. Sometimes you gotta just chalk it up to an off night, go home and watch TV, and then try again another day. That is perfectly ok too.

Power Exchange vs. Power Struggle

July 5, 2016 By Jenn Masri 2 Comments

When I was married I was in a power exchange relationship – except I didn’t know it. He believed that we should have certain roles in the relationship. It wasn’t based on gender. For example – if one person works, the other takes care of the house. Who works depends on who makes more money. As far as personality he was dominant, but not in a healthy way. Without disclosing too much I will just say that I think it was that “take charge” attitude that attracted me, yet I didn’t realize at the time (I was only 18 when we met) that it was more of an unhealthy control issue for him. However, even though there was a control dynamic there, it was in a very vanilla way. I had not consented to a power exchange and, in fact, had no clue what that even was. I had no idea about this world of kink and D/s. So having been raised by a very strong and independent mother, I struggled for control in the relationship as well.

Now that I’ve been in this scene and in D/s relationships I can look back on my vanilla marriage and see that it was a power struggle. Not power exchange. I believe that many, if not most, vanilla relationships deal with power struggle. There are no clear boundaries or expectations set. Both people are vying for control and the result is fighting, passive aggressive behavior, and built up resentment.

Disclaimer: if you find yourself thinking, “not all vanilla relationships are like that” or “are you saying vanilla relationships are inferior?” or ……. (you get the point). I am not saying this theory applies to all vanilla relationships. Nor am I saying that vanilla relationships are inferior. I am speaking to one little piece of the puzzle that I see as a common theme in vanilla versus power exchange dynamic.

I will use a simple example. For many couples it’s common for them to let their partner know they arrived at their destination safely. (friends do this too) Let’s apply this to a vanilla couple first. One person (person A) is going somewhere and their partner (B) asks them to send a text when they get there so they know they arrived safely. Person A forgets. Partner B is worried and finally gets thru to person A. They are relieved that person A is safe, however, now they are also angry that person A forgot to text and feels it was inconsiderate and not taking their feelings of concern into account. When person A gets home, person B expresses their anger and they get into a fight about it because person A didn’t mean to be inconsiderate – they just got distracted. Yet, arguing ensues due to feeling hurt, disappointed, unfairly accused, etc.

Apply the same scenario to a power exchange couple. In this case it has been established that the text is a part of their protocol and it is an expectation. Partner A knows that if the text doesn’t happen there will be some sort of punishment. Partner A forgets to text. Partner B is worried, then angry/disappointed, just like in the vanilla scenario. The difference is twofold. First, the expectation was set and, therefore, person A accepts responsibility for their mistake and doesn’t try to argue their case. Yes, there is human error regarding memory, distraction, etc. and person A didn’t do it on purpose. However, the protocol was broken. Second, later that night when they come home, person B explains why they were upset, reminds person A about the reason for the protocol and carries out the punishment. Person A accepts the punishment and apologizes for breaking protocol. They hug it out. They move on with their evening. No struggle for who’s “right” or lashing out in anger. It’s done.

If looked at from this perspective I really think this is one reason why D/s relationships are my preference. Everyone knows what’s expected of them. There isn’t a struggle for Dominance or control. It’s not to say there isn’t struggle or fighting in D/s relationships. However, I think there’s a lot less, especially when it comes to the smaller things. Please feel free to tell me about some of your experiences with power struggle vs. exchange in the comment section below!

Orgasm Control: A New Perspective

June 27, 2016 By Baadmaster 1 Comment

Although there are many non-sexual practitioners of BDSM play, there are also those who use our lifestyle as a kind of “orgasm magnifier.” From the new legion of Femme Dommes whose specialties include refined “tease and denial” techniques to those Dominants who train their submissives to “cum on command,” the aim is still the same – to make cumming ultra-pleasurable through orgasm control.

Of course, “orgasm control” play is very wide ranging. It spans from semi-vanilla to extreme “chastity” play. No matter where your play lies in this continuum, if one controls or denies orgasm for any period of time, the resulting orgasm is, for most, more intense In the next few “New Perspective” installments, we will study an array of orgasm control systems.

This week, let’s examine the legendary “cumming on command” – which is incredibly exciting if you can achieve it. The theory of “cumming on command” is based on conventional behavior conditioning theory. Basically, the object is to link a key word, phrase or physical signal with the onset of orgasm.

Some submissives seem to have the innate potential to orgasm through a Dominant’s command. But this part of the brain is hard to access. If it were, the number of Dom/mes on cell phones calling their submissives and ordering them to cum would be staggering! The most common method to tap into this center is by the slow and careful building of trust, confidence and respect. Once trust is established, then the training can begin.

The following is one way (obviously there are many others) to train your submissive to cum on command. (I offer, however, no guarantee that these methods will work – but I do guarantee that you will have fun trying!)

A. Start by training the sub to ask permission to cum when he/she is about to orgasm during sex. “Master/Mistress, may I cum?” should always be asked. At this stage, orgasm should never be denied; the object here is to link a specific verbal phrase with orgasm. Your “permission” or “ordering” must always be the same phrase. “Master/Mistress commands you to cum” or some variant is the most effective. But whatever it is, it must be exactly the same, every time you “order” your sub to cum.

B. The next part of the training is to deny release — “No, you may not ” — while continuing the sexual stimulation of your submissive. You should then order release within fifteen to thirty seconds of this initial denial. Then gradually increase this interval. Eventually you should get up to a couple of minutes between denial and permission before proceeding to the next step.

C. This time when you deny permission to cum, take your hand or vibrator away. Wait a few seconds, then resume stimulation simultaneous with commanding him/her to cum. It is important that you train him/her to cum immediately on command/resumption of stimulation. Gradually increase the time between removing your hand and ordering him/her to cum. When this interval reaches five minutes or more you are ready to move on.

D. This is the big step. The GIANT step. The big enchilada! When she is about to cum and asks permission, deny it and take your hand or vibrator away – just like in the previous step. Wait a number of seconds — then order her to cum but do not touch him/her. If he/she cums on this command, without any stimulation, you have hit the jackpot! Repeat this over time while gradually increasing the interval. Eventually the interval can be made as long as you want it — thus he/she can literally cum on command.

E. You can now attempt the legendary high Yaqui Dom/me feat – commanding him/her to cum before being physically stimulated! (Hint — I think it best you put the sub into a sexy mood.) Many Dom/mes have keywords or phrases they use before a sex session. Use of a keyword or phrase can get him/her out of “vanilla space” and make the sub more receptive to your commands to cum. But even with the sub thinking sexy thoughts, this is still one astounding feat. Like levitation.

Remember, cumming on command without any physicality whatsoever is something of an urban BDSM legend. What has been presented here is a good system for, at the very least, teaching a sub to cum on command after being sexually aroused. If you have another system that work for you, please email us here at kinkweekly.com. There’s always room for another great orgasm!

Protocol and Rituals

June 20, 2016 By Jenn Masri 1 Comment

First thing in the morning you send your Sir a text as soon as you wake up knowing you will receive a text back with a familiar response.

After you play you assume your agreed upon position until ordered to stand and then you both sit together, your head in his lap. Then after a while you quietly talk about the scene.

Upon returning home to your Mistress you set your things aside in a designated area. You then strip down and assume a position until she tells you to stand. You exchange mantras with one another, the Mistress places your collar around your neck, you enjoy a tight hug, and then go about your evening.

At dinner you ask your Sir permission to eat and later that week at a vanilla dinner party you, instead, make a clear comment about how delicious the food looks and he replies that it certainly does. This is the way you maintain asking permission while amongst non-kinky friends and family.

At a public event (kink or vanilla) from across a large crowded room you look to your Sir and he holds up one finger. This means he needs a drink refill. So without talking or having to come over to you or even pause his conversation – he has given a command. You prepare a drink and deliver it. (the person he’s speaking to is very impressed by the way!)
At night, right before you both get into bed, you get on your knees in front of your Sir and say a mantra that speaks to your submission to him. He replies with a mantra that peaks to his leadership and protection of you in the relationship.

The things I’ve listed above are just a few, and simple, examples of various protocols and rituals that partners in power exchange dynamics use in day to day life.

Protocol: A formalized set of rules controlling the interaction between D-types and s-types.

Ritual: The way in which a protocol is carried out.

Other people may define the difference in various ways, but for the purpose of this article I will treat them as a pair that go hand in hand.

So why do D/s partners utilize protocols and rituals? There are many reasons. At the surface they are used to train the s-type in how the D-type would like to be served. They may create expectations surrounding behavior, punishment, and service. They may be things that make life easier for the D-type, or reinforce the actions of the s-type. They certainly reinforce the power exchange. They help transition head space. In my opinion, however, there is an underlying reason and byproduct for all protocols and rituals. It is, again my opinion, the most important element of all. Connection. Protocols and rituals reinforce the power dynamic and the connection shared between partners.

Think about how many people come home from work only to greet their partner with “I’m home!” right before they plop on the couch to zone out on tv. They go about their day without communicating with one another because they get so busy with work. Going to sleep they watch tv until their eyes are like bricks and so they simply roll over and start snoring. Now go back and think about the protocols I listed at the top. These are examples of so many ideas that keep you both connected to one another every day and perhaps multiple times a day. They allow us to push away the outside world for a moment and be present with one another. Even if it’s a task that has been assigned when not together – who do you think the s-type is thinking of when they perform the task? Not the report that’s due tomorrow, it’s their D-type. Many people have protocols without labeling them as such. A vanilla couple that always go to the market together, one picks the meat for the week, the other is in charge of produce. They don’t call that protocol but that’s what it’s become. They can count on their weekly Sunday market trip and how they will go about it.

I have always loved protocol for this reason. It’s just between you and your partner, a silent understanding. Connection.

dynamic

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