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ethical slut

How To Effectively Cope With Jealousy

April 2, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 4 Comments

poly family, ethical non-monogamy
via stock.adobe.com

We all know how this works with medical issues. If I have a cough, I could take some over the counter medication or cough drops and treat the symptom. However, that cough may be related to allergies, or asthma. It could be related to pneumonia, or covid. Treating the symptom is only going to get me so far when the underlying issue is still at work in my body, causing problems.

So why is that when people experience “negative” emotions they assume that’s where the problem stops? “Oh, I’m just jealous. Everyone feels that way sometimes.”

Just jealous? Why are you experiencing that emotion?  

Jealousy, like any other emotion, is merely the end result of a chain that starts somewhere in the brain and ends with a feeling. The question, as always, is where does it start, and how do we address the root cause?

There can be two ways to get there. The obvious one people give in to, is allowing their jealousy (or other feeling they don’t enjoy) to turn to anger at feeling bad and to throw that anger at their partner until what they are really upset about finally tumbles out from between their lips, if they get that far. My recommendation instead of choosing the destructive route is to take some time for introspection. Rather than allowing myself to act on a feeling of jealousy or frustration, irritation or anger, I spend time with it. I love it and caress it and talk to it for a while. Sometimes I even name it George. I ask it to show me what was bothering it, the way I would any friend who came to me with a problem. It is usually happy to accommodate my gentle coaxing in a way that doesn’t alienate my partner.

Because that’s really what all of this is about, isn’t it? Better, more positive communication, yes?  

Perhaps the root isn’t that my partner is spending time with someone else, perhaps it is because the time we’ve spent together seems less like quality time and more like two people on their phones. Perhaps I’m upset because I’m not feeling special, or maybe I’m even mistaking one emotional response for another. When envy is the feeling of wanting what someone else has and jealousy is the feeling of being afraid to lose what you already have, they are easily mistaken for one another. Throw in the concept of “fear of missing out” and that’s quite a tangled ball to unravel before getting the heart of things. Some people can’t go through this process alone, so for them I always suggest they have a kink / poly aware counselor help them untangle where those feelings are coming from.  

The important part is where you communicate these things to partners. Don’t freeze them out or pretend everything is okay. Let them know you’re working through stuff and you’ll let them know when you figure it out. Don’t take forever to do that, of course, or they will no longer trust your process. Continue to be affectionate while you sort out your shit. There’s no reason to punish them for your feelings. Once you’ve figured out what you need or desire in order to improve the situation, to address the root, be sure to do that in clear concise language, avoiding language which blames your partner. If you hadn’t – if you didn’t – when you make me feel. BZZZZZZZT! Nope. Try positive statements, such as I would like more attention, I’m feeling like I haven’t seen much of you lately, I want to feel important to you.

It can be easy to assume a feeling is its own issue as a standalone, but how often is that actually true? It is important for us to understand ourselves in order to effectively communicate that within the context of a relationship. The better we get at determining where these roots begin, the easier it will become to address those things before they begin to become bigger problems.


Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm communication, ethical non-monogamy, ethical slut, jealousy, poly dating, poly family, poly relationships, polyamory

Erotica: Silly Little Slut

December 27, 2020 By J S Phoenix 2 Comments

sexy sub with knife on throat
via stock.adobe.com

***All works of erotica are based on ficional scenarios. We never condone anything that is not consensual.


I don’t like cats.  Not really.  Except that they kill rodents.

But watching you move with cat-like grace on those impossibly high heels…  Delectable.  Yes, you caught my attention.  Perfect feline fluidity…  You slid up on the bar stool smoothly as you caught my eye.  Maybe I caught yours.  But I also caught your short dress sliding up your lean, finely muscled thighs.

I’m not normally a foot guy, either.  Most women act so proud of their feet when they should be the opposite.  But yours are … perfect.  It’s the arch, of course, but also the proportion.  The mere sight of them incites in my mind’s eye all manner of images of the tender torture I could inflict upon them.  I watched, entranced almost, as you let one shoe slide off, half-way, letting it dangle provocatively, pretending it was an accident. 

I sent the barman over to you with an offer of a drink.  You waved your hand at him from side to side, palm up.

“No, thank you.”

And then you turned to face me.  And uncrossed your legs.  And flashed me … a smile, too.  A winsome smile, telling me without words that no, you weren’t wearing any panties under your sheer pantyhose, as if you hadn’t shown me that fact already.  Silently you asked with your sparkling eyes, “What are you going to do to me?”

You had a different meaning for that sentence than mine, I’m sure.  Much different.

I made a move to walk over to you, and again with the hand.  A silent “no, don’t.”  I sat back down.  And still you continued your show.

Your cock-teasing continued the effect you expected.  My jeans tightened as the swelling increased.

Silly little slut…

No one else seemed to want to make an advance on you.  For me, it was a private show in public.  For them…  It was as if they had all seen your show before, and knew it for the cotton-candy cock-teasing that you intended.  All sugar; no spice.  Plenty of appetizer, but no entree.

A few more minutes and you watched me leave.  I’d had enough.  You seemed … disappointed.

What you didn’t know was what would happen later.

When you have no one else to tease, you’ll slither off the bar stool, perhaps letting your dress ride up to your hard, perfect cheerleader ass.  Maybe not that high, but you’ll make sure to give the room an accidentally-on-purpose exhibition.  You’ll slide your delicious feet back into your come-fuck-me pumps and give the room one last display of your sensuous feline stride.

And being you, you’ll head to the parking garage after checking all around to see if you’ve put anyone over the top.  Then, click-clicking along in your heels, you’ll make your way to your car.  You won’t notice the van parked a few spaces away; you never do.  But your pace won’t slow as you click-click-click along the concrete garage floor, racing to the safety of your car.

A few steps from that serene automotive cocoon, you’ll feel the leather glove over your mouth, and you’ll smell the leather too, because my hand over your mouth will also cover your cute little nose, stifling your screams into frightened whimpers and pulling you by your head back against my chest.

Then you’ll feel the other glove, sliding fast and hard up your delicately athletic thigh, sliding your dress up and cupping your pussy as I lift you off the garage floor and carry you squirming and flailing into the van.  When the van door slides shut, you’ll know what awaits you.  You’ll fight harder, but have no chance; you’re nowhere near a match for me physically.  And when I place you face-down into the pile of sheets laid there just for you, pressing your pretty face into the linen to silence you as I straddle your head, you’ll know you’ve lost–and that *no one* is coming to save you. 

When your arms are tightly bound behind you–with bondage tape the first time, but after that, you’ll experience the tight sensation of rope and straps–I’ll stuff your mouth full of cloth and then seal it with more tape.  Then still more tape to cover your eyes, and finally viciously tight wraps of tape around your trim, delicate ankles.

I’m sure you’ll squirm and fight even after you’re hopelessly bound–thrashing wildly on the hard van floor as I run my hands up and down your legs, playing with your perfect ass, probably even after I slap your ass hard several times as a warning.  When I rip your pantyhose open and slide my fingers inside to moisten you, you’ll be relieved.  You’ll take silent solace in the fact that at least I’ll be using your cunt.  And when I mount you, you’ll realize you were wrong.

And then I’ll whisper into your ear, as you twist and squirm under me in a futile effort to escape, the first words you’ll hear from me.

“Don’t worry, slut.  You’ll get it there, too, deep in your tight little quim, before I’m finished.  And if you’re a good little cunt, I’ll fuck your pretty face, too.  But not here.  Somewhere else.  It’s going to be a *long* weekend.  There’ll be *plenty* of time…”

I won’t tell you, though, while I’m raping all your openings, that when we’re finished, I’ll tie you up tighter than ever, making sure everything is as uncomfortable as possible.  I’ll drive you back to your car, reveling in your pathetic struggles to get free, and bind you securely in the driver’s seat with all your shredded clothes lying in the passenger seat, your eye-catching high-heeled pumps lying outside the driver’s door.  Then I’ll lock your car door and set the alarm and throw away your keys, all so the Monday-morning commuters can see you, imprisoned in your car, praying for and dreading your rescue.

And how can I be so certain of all this?

I’ve been watching you for a *very* long time…


Thanks for reading.  If you’d like to read (complete, non-serialized) stories I’ve written, please come visit: https://tinyurl.com/yycvsgr6

I’ve been writing erotica–niche adult fantasy (C/NC and N/C)–for the enjoyment of my readers for a number of years.  My greatest reward comes from knowing the pleasure my words bring to my readers.  If you want to let me know how you liked this story, feel free to drop me a line here: j.s.phoenix.1975@gmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, ethical slut, fetish, kink, pain slut, power exchange

This week in kink, April 10th, 2017

April 11, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

I appreciated the style in which photographer Max Eicke captured these professional Dominas. He profiles them in a new book. Take a look at some of his work here along with a brief interview.


Wry, Janet Hardy, and Tristan Taormino
Wry, Janet Hardy, and Tristan Taormino

We are very excited that Wry’s Polytalks with Ethical Slut author Janet Hardy and Opening Up author Tristan Taormino are back! Tickets are limited to 100. This is a powerhouse talk to attend if you are poly or even poly curious.


Take a look inside the wild world of professional BDSM abduction fantasies. It looks like I need to get into a new line of work because this seems like it would be really fun! Who knew New York would be the center of this business. Vice profiles one Dominatrix and her journey through a planned abduction scene fro start to finish.


While this seems like a no brainer to most, its a sad fact that predators use dating apps to attract inexperienced women into BDSM. It can be difficult to differentiate safe play and dangerous tendencies for a newbie. This goes for both women and men. She Knows offers some key tips for those pursuing kink through dating apps.


-Dexx

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Tagged With: abduction play, bdsm authors, ethical slut, Event, janet hardy, polyamory, tristan taormino, wry

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