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Fetishsexuality – Making the Case for Kink as Sexual-Identity: Part 2

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For Part 1 Click Here

Do You Have a Personal Erotic Myth That Drives Your Kink?

In Part 1, I argued for the validity of Fetishsexuality as an authentic sexual identity. I proposed that each individual Fetishsexual has an inherent Personal Erotic Myth that drives their arousal.

I base this theory, in great part, on the research data from over 4,000 participants who’ve taken the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey.

A Personal Erotic Myth (PEM), as I model it, is an inherent psychological/sexual structure in the unconscious that contains the fantasy imagery, epic storylines, archetypal mythic personas, props, attire, dialogue, setting, and actions, from primal to refined, that drive a person who has a PEM to orgasm or other deep erotic state.

These mythic representations are most notably expressed in contemporary Fetish, Kink, D/s, and BDSM where archetypal and symbolic personifications abound.

A PEM can take many forms, but to a great extent will include paired personas in some form of power-exchange such as Master/slave, Mommy/son, FemDom/cuckold, Daddy/daughter, Teacher/student, and a pantheon of other variations.

These pairings of two or more may be further differentiated through an array of emerging gender and alternative sexual identities. Some people identify as Switches, and can cross back and forth between the poles of power-exchange as they wish.

One’s Personal Erotic Myth generally includes action, dialogue, tone of voice, a particular gaze, body language, props, attire and context that yearns to be expressed. These can occur in never-ending variations.

These yearnings may be out of conscious view for many people. They may be held behind sex-negative fear, shame, or trauma the person has experienced around their sexuality-just below conscious awareness. Until nearing orgasm anyway!

In those last minutes or so before cumming, the rich truth of one’s Eros, no matter how well hidden, can no longer be held back. It bursts forth and animates the body in wild, fierce gestures. It explodes from the voice in a truncated blasphemy such as…”Oh god, fuck me, YES!, please, harder, deeper, or take it, slut, whore, bitch” as the case may be, or less decipherable, primitive grunts and screams. This is just a climactic sound byte from the full story of Personal Erotic Myth being expressed internally.

For someone who is a Fetishsexual, expressing their desire is not scripting and acting out a part. It is not just role-playing. It is literally embodying this alter erotic persona that they authentically possess, and allowing it the unencumbered space to express fully in word, deed, and action with a consenting partner.

These archetypal personas operating within one’s PEM are already intact and whole within the individual’s personal unconscious.  These parts of the erotic psyche already know generally what they desire to do and say to the erotic counterpart they are engaging. It knows what implements, attire, setting and other elements are common to their mythic erotic story. And, when enacted from a state of presence, is a totally creative, spontaneous, authentic, sexual entity.  It may be quite distinct from one’s everyday persona.

The key polarity of Dom/sub also references the major archetypal personas that have been part of the collective unconscious for thousands of years. The King/Queen or loyal subject/devotee archetypes for example.

Many of the erotic themes and archetypal personas that occur in the individual PEM can be found globally throughout the gene pool throughout history.

They have been known and utilized by humans in ritual ceremonies, and as a mainstay of cultural literature and cosmology for thousands of years. This universal, collective nature of archetypes and myths has been an integral aspect of all human experience since recorded history, and has been well- noted by Carl Jung, Margaret Mead, Joseph Campbell and many others.

These major archetypes, symbols, and mythic cosmological stories are shared by diverse cultures all over the world. They are part of the human software already embedded in our unconscious.

We may not pay conscious attention to this symbolic dimension of our experience, but we do respond and resonate to these myths, archetypes, and symbols in ancient or contemporary form, as we do to symbols of all sorts coming from our inner and outer worlds.

Think of how the pixels on the 2 dimensional surface of a screen in a movie theater can be arranged into interacting characters, symbols, and epic stories that evoke authentic laughter, tears, anger, and other passions.

The universal nature of these internal, archetypal personas, dispersed throughout the gene-pool, explains why someone with even the most obscure Kink interest can and does find others from a similar sexual tribe. On a site like Fetlife, for example, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of groups representing individuals with a certain twist on Kink.

There can be 50 to 10,000 members in a particular Kink interest group. The point is these groups are actively populated with people of the same desire. These individuals are connecting, partnering in long-term relationships, and building new communities based on their shared desires for a particular range of Kink.

Before the internet this was impossible. This is how the sexual cat has been let out of the bag, I would say, in a way unprecedented in the history of civilization!

I believe it is conceivable that the roots of our wildest sexual desires, and the archetypal figures they manifest, extend far into our evolutionary heritage of mammalian alpha/beta pecking order instincts, and deeper into predator/prey reptilian level instincts.

Why these heritages and primal dimensions of our psyche have become eroticized is still a great mystery.

However, to me, it is clear that we encompass aspects of our sexuality related to power exchange from both hot-blooded mammalian territorial dominance and submission enactments, to cold-blooded, reptilian, predator/prey sadistic/masochistic expressions.

These mythic, often unconscious, structures of our Erotic desire find their way to the surface through our fantasies when we engage sexually, where they can drive one to orgasm or to other deep, erotic states.

When engaged consciously and allowed to be expressed and embodied authentically with a consenting partner, these fierce explorations of our dark, wild instinctual edges can offer a profound sense of empowerment, acceptance, and bliss from either side of the slash of power exchange. If you are curious to learn more about your or your partner’s inner, sexual psyche, check out the free and anonymous Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. (http://GalenFous.com/pem ) .

You can also support our ongoing Kink-positive research by sharing the survey with your own networks.

Help us shed more light on this misunderstood dimension of human sexuality. Your support of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth research project is greatly appreciated!

About Galen Fous MTP 

Kink-Positive Therapist, Author, Educator & Sex Researcher

Galen regularly speaks at universities, grad schools and conferences about sexuality and Kink. He offers AASECT and APA approved CE classes for therapists on various accredited online educational platforms.  His research focuses on understanding the unconscious psychological dynamics of Kink, Fetish and D/s-BDSM sexuality. Galen Has a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology from ITP.

He works with clients within a Transpersonal psychology framework that helps individuals and couples get honest, shame-free and confident in expressing their authentic sexuality. Galen helps clients shift from compulsive, dishonest, risky sexual behaviors to negotiated, consensual authentic sexual practices.  This framework includes resolving the embedded fear, shame and judgments entangling one’s desire.

An important component of his research into the nature of Fetishsexual and Kink desire is the development of the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey.   ( http://galenfous.com/pem ) This ground-breaking and ongoing research survey with over 4000 participants so far, is the first study that begins to document the mythic archetypal aspects of Fetishsexuality by mapping of the sexual unconscious.

Galen’s latest book, “Decoding Your Kink – Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires” has been praised by sexual psychologists and educators as “Visionary …Masterful …Groundbreaking …Cutting Edge…Worth its Weight in Diamonds … Highly Recommended…A Must Read!”  He is also the author of “The Sharp Edge of Love – Extreme Sex, Mythic Passion, Primal Intensity.  Learn more at http://galenfous.com

In 2000, he introduced the world renowned Tetruss Shibari Suspension-Bondage Rig, Portable Dungeon, and Sex Swing, the world’s most versatile adult toy. (http://Tetruss.com)

 

Erotica: Wishful Thinking

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Tunnel Light

“What could be so bad about it? Tell me,” Mike demanded in a stern voice. I saw the glint in his eye so I knew he wasn’t really that mad…yet.

“It’s embarrassing! It’s not normal that I think about it so much.” I just couldn’t bring myself to confess. We were lying in bed, the lights still on and my face was burning under his scrutiny. We’d been on this particular line of conversation for a few minutes and his patience was running short.

“That’s it,” he got up and stalked towards the dresser. I knew what was coming.

“Ok, ok I’ll tell you I promise! Please don’t get it out!” I practically screeched.

“If you keep talking to me in that tone then I will.”

I breathed a deep sigh of relief, also to calm my voice. I hate electrical play and knew he was going to grab the cattle prod. One of the few implements I actually loathe and is only brought out for punishment. It’s not a hard limit…yet.

He came back over to the bed and leaned down next me, “So?”

“I think about getting kidnapped. It’s crazy I know but it’s a huge turn on. Obviously I’d never want it to actually happen to me in real life, but the thought of someone pursuing me or capturing me is so hot.” I finished quickly, watching his reaction. We had done some crazy things together, but this was on fringes of weird, even for us-or at least I thought so.

“Cool.” Was all he said. He promptly pecked me a kiss on the mouth, turned the lights out, pulled me in for a goodnight cuddle and settled in for sleep. I knew better than to question his reaction, but I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping a wink that night.

It was only many months later that this topic of conversation would resurface. I had finished up at the office, another extra long, exhausting day. I had been pulling longer hours than usual, preparing for a new launch. I grabbed my keys and threw my overstuffed bag over my shoulder. Exiting the building, I turned the corner and proceeded to walk to my car. I pulled my phone out to text Mike when I was unexpectedly grabbed from behind. My first thought was that my coworker was playing a prank on me. My annoyance quickly blossomed into fear when something was placed entirely over my head. I was so surprised, I didn’t even have time to make a peep, no more than a quick intake of breath. My bag was abruptly torn off of my shoulder as I was lifted off of the ground dropping both my keys and phone. I struggled as hard as possible, the terror and hysteria rising up within me. My eyes were watering; I wouldn’t exactly call it crying, just reacting. A voice very close told me to stop struggling or I would be hurt very badly.

I stilled, trying to remember everything I had ever learned in those women’s self-defense classes. Wasn’t I supposed to comply until an opportunity arose for escape? Or maybe I should struggle more and make a lot of noise. But just as soon as my brain made a decision, I was practically thrown into something, my ass slamming hard onto the metal surface-I must be in some sort of a van or truck. I quickly started to crawl…somewhere but was immediately detained by a man who chuckled at my sad attempt to escape. My hands were tied together or rather wrapped in duct tape.

My stomach was in knots. I didn’t recognize the murmured voices through my hood. Could this be something Mike set up? I feel like he would have come along for this part, wouldn’t he?

“Hello?” I squeaked. Silence, just the sound of the vehicle moving over the road. I assumed we were on a freeway, we hadn’t made any turns recently.

“Where are you taking me? Does Mike know I’m here?”

I had no idea how long we’d been driving but the vehicle made a few turns and then it sounded as if we had pulled onto some sort of gravel surface. We came to a stop. I had slowly wriggled my way to the back of the van or truck-whatever it was. I felt someone approach and I shrank back out was abruptly hauled off my rear and thrown out the door. I braced myself for impact but was caught and then lowered to the ground. As soon as my feet made contact I ripped away from my captor and started running-where I don’t know. I obviously couldn’t see anything so it was no surprise when I tripped and went tumbling down onto my knees, scraping them through my pants. The sobs I had been able to contain all along quickly came to the surface. The hands reached around me, lifting me up and over his shoulder. All I could hear was laughter as I was carried away.

I could hardly breath through my tears as my stomach was compressed over my captor’s shoulder. Snot was starting to run down my face. A door opened, making an echoing noise as we entered a space. I was astonished that these idiots could haul me around so much. I wasn’t exactly a small person. I had long limbs and was on the curvy size of the spectrum. Who are these guys? Body builders?

Finally, I was laid to rest on a cold, metal table. The hood was ripped from my head as I was blinded by an overhead medical light. My heart dropped into my stomach. I could tell there were other people in the room but could not make out faces or features because of the light. I made to stand but was quickly stopped, “Where do you think you’re going little girl?”

“No where?” Little girl? What the fuck? My sobbing had diminished to short sniffles and tears, having been replaced by paralyzing fear.

“We’ve got big plans for you. Inspect the merchandise,” he nodded to his cohort.

“M-merchandise?!”

A man approached and I could see he had a black cloth covering the lower part of his face. He grabbed my wrists and quickly slit the duct tape with a knife. He was wearing black medical gloves. I was so fucked.

My wrists were then buckled to the table and a strip of tape of slapped across my mouth.

“Don’t move!” he growled out.

He took the knife and began slitting my jeans from hem to hip, up both legs. Once they were in shreds, he ripped them from me. Goosebumps broke out as my skin made contact with the cold table and air, that and the profuse amount of sweat I was producing because I was so fucking scared. I was not convinced that this was Mike one single bit.

Next when my shirt and the skimpy bra I was wearing. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I mourned the loss of that favored piece of lingerie. Funny the things that cross your mind in a moment.

I was finally left in just my panties. There were three men surrounding me.

“Let’s take a look at the good stuff,” one of them leered. He quickly pinched my right nipple so hard my eyes watered. He started pawing and squeezing my entire breast while grabbing the nipple on the left one. There was a burning in my throat from the fear and bile rising from my stomach.

Another man grabbed my crotch through my panties. It was nice of them to leave my underwear on I suppose…but for how long? Should I lay here and take it? My ankles were still free. I slowly raised one ankle up, testing but it was immediately slammed back down. One of the men slapped my nipple, “You got somewhere to be, little slut?” He reached for my pussy and shoved one hand inside my panties. He looked up at me, a glint in his eye, “Well, well, well, what do we have here? The little slut is all wet.”

My face broke out in a dark, crimson blush. Embarrassment and humiliation washed through me. How could I possibly be excited at a moment like this?! I cursed my own body- it was such a traitor!

To be continued…