high protocol

D/s Protocols

February 20, 2021 By SafferMaster 4 Comments

sexy domme with handcuffs — via stock.adobe.com

Being a kinkster is as unique as a random dot on a page. What do I mean by that? If you think of the world of kink as represented by a sheet of paper. On one axis you have the range of fetishes and on the other axis you have the range of intensities. If I look at my world of kink, the fetishes I am into and you look at the intensity level of my kink life, you will be able to put a coin about the size of a silver dollar over my preferences somewhere on the page.

Take protocols. In simple terms, a protocol is defined as “a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations” I am not motivated to have my submissive do tasks for the sake of doing tasks. And at the same time, our life, in a 24/7 TPE dynamic, we have a number of protocols in our life. Some are simple, for example, when my submissive goes off to work, she wears a butt plug as a way of keeping me with her, and she is required to send me a good morning message with a picture of her ass, butt plug inserted. This is especially true for us after marking her, she is required to send me pictures of her marks every day. That is a protocol. Something I have asked her to do for me as a matter of routine. I never have to ask her to send me a picture of her marks, our protocol is that she just does so after being marked as a matter of protocol. And she sends me a message via WeMinder (which I will talk more about in a minute) that she completed her task or duty.

There are other Dom’s who have similar but different protocols that they have designed for their preferred lifestyle. I interviewed a Dom who has his sub wash him in the shower and then she kneels with his towel presented to him as he steps out of the shower. It is a simple gesture of submission, and similarly to my sub, his sub does so as a matter of protocol without being asked.

Some dynamics are extremely high protocol. To the point that the sub has to have permission to do anything, including go to the bathroom. The degree of how intense the protocol dynamics are depend on the needs of the partners and they must determine what works for them.

Even though my submissive is collared, and even though this is TPE and a 24/7 dynamic, we actually have numerous protocols that we have chosen to live with. Before I say more about that, I want to talk about an app called WeMinder. This is an app that we use to track the protocols we have in play. We interviewed Mako, the developer of the app on our podcast, Kinky Cocktail Hour, that you can listen to here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/962578/episodes/6206590.

Using this app, my submissive logs her tasks and chores as she completes them, and it allows me to offer her feedback from praise to scolding, and even punishment. She can also share her mood with me at any time and know instantly that I am aware of how she is feeling. It’s a fantastic app for D/s couples who are protocol oriented. You can get the app by visiting weminder.app and I recommend it highly and it’s very reasonably priced.

When we engage in what we call “High Protocol” days, my submissive prepares for use the way she normally does, she is a three hole slut and she is fully prepared for a prolonged scene. When she kneels for me, which is how she presents herself to be used, she offers up a cane for marking. Normally she offers me her leash to attach to her collar, but in high protocol days, she gets chained with a heavy chain before she is used and marked. During high protocol days, she is limited to being on all fours during play and she is required to ask for cane strokes after her initial marking.

Her tasks and chores are both designed to fulfill on her role as a service slut on one hand and on her sexual submission inside of a sex forward, kink forward dynamic. Our daily maintenance spanking scene is a protocol. When I get into bed in the evening, she puts her head on my chest and cups my balls while we talk about our day and the final act of our dynamic that lives in the world of protocol is that when it’s time, she rolls over and we spoon and I take hold her breast, holding her close as we fall asleep. My point is that start to finish, our days are filled with protocols. We divide the protocols into two broad categories: Tasks and Chores. Tasks are things I might randomly task her with doing and that might be as different as having her masturbate with the Hitachi every 30 minutes, or to do certain routine things for me such as sending me a picture of her marks. Chores related to her duties around the house.

Protocols live in the world of agreements. On one hand they are designed to give structure to the dynamic and on the other, they are a natural evolution of a power exchange. My preference is to have the protocols occur because they fulfill her desires, so to implement a new protocol, we talk about it first, and I enroll her in the possibility that the protocol creates and then she does what I have requested but she does so because it is what she wants to do.

There is a very wide range of protocol implementation strategies in kink. It can be a very minor part of your dynamic if that is what you prefer, or it can be the entirety of your dynamic if that is what you prefer. I am going to make the observation that even in vanilla relationships there are protocols. For instance when I was married, my ex-wife used to bring me coffee on a Sunday morning while I watched soccer in bed. I came to expect this and it occurred routinely for years. I never asked her to do this, she just started doing this small thing for me that made our lives more manageable. The way that that small act occurred was that it was a loving action that made me feel appreciated even for just that moment. It was indeed a protocol that existed during my vanilla marriage. My point is that spoken or unspoken we operate with protocols all around us, the difference is that in a kink context, communication is the key difference. A protocol is an agreement to do x or y, which requires that the Dom and sub are in communication.

Being in a dynamic is a power exchange. The sub surrenders his or her power to their Dom and then it is up to the Dom to exercise that power appropriately. The sub wants to please. It is through protocols that the Dom communicates to the sub what is expected and required for that behavior to land as “pleasing” to the Dom. The sub knows where they stand. They know what is needed and expected. If they are committed to the dynamic, then they will fulfill the protocols. If there is space or distance and the protocols start to break down, then it gives the Dom something to address to get at the root of the upset.

I keep making this point: our kink is really communication. We talk about our dynamic almost every day. We plan, revisit, debrief, dream, vision share, and so on. The reason our protocols are in place is because we have made a series of agreements around our dynamic.

A good place to start is to sit down facing each other and do this drill. One partner asks the other partner what they want done to them and then asks what they want to do to you, and then switch roles. Take notes and then use those notes to talk about each of those ideas and make agreements about those that make sense to you to implement into your dynamic.

A D/s power exchange works best for all concerned when the communication is clean. We have a commitment to each other to allow no space between us. We are each responsible for keeping that structure in our dynamic and we have found, as will you, that the use of protocols keeps the dynamic humming along.

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground

Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms

Above is a link to their podcast!

High Protocol: Part Two

December 5, 2016 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

Before you read this article, I suggest (or, in a more Domly way, insist) that you read last week’s kinkweekly.com prequel, “High Protocol, Part One.” To quickly recap. High protocol Master/slave relationships are not for everyone; they are, in fact, quite rare. And, in my opinion, they are not, in and of themselves, any higher on the BDSM food chain than any other style BDSM union; you don’t get BDSM “props” for being a high-protocol Dom or sub. High protocol is not a goal; you don’t progress from low to high protocol. It is not like going from junior to senior in high school; high protocol is simply another type of D/s relationship.

For most couples, high protocol works best for short periods of time, as in a scene or even for weekends; taking it 24/7 is usually far too energy-draining to be a way of life in our world of jobs, stress and kids. High protocol, 24/7 style, is only for those who truly crave and need it – for both the Dom and the sub alike. (It will likely fail if one is really into it and one is not.)

That said, we will attempt to list the classic (and even mythical!) high D/s protocols. Thus, you can pick and choose those protocols you like – even if you are in a low protocol relationship. As the saying goes, “Different BDSM strokes for different folks.” (Funny how the word “strokes” works so well in this paraphrased axiom.) So, without further adieu, here is the list.

IN PRIVATE

1. You must always address Master as Master, Sir or some other designated title, and do so in every sentence.
2. Upon returning from work, slave must kneel and greet Master in ritual designated by Master. If Master is out and returns home, slave still performs the greeting ritual.
3. Slave must be aware of the position training and will be expected to perform them at any time. (Note: Position training – teaching the submissive to assume a set of kneeling or standing poses, in response to the Master’s voice commands.)
4. A slave is always naked (or some designated dress) in Master’s House.
5. You must ask permission to leave the room, or use the bathroom.
6. You may not sit on the furniture without permission.
7. You must respectfully ask permission to speak.
8. If slave needs to ask questions, he/she must ask permission to speak, as in, “Sir, I have a question,” or, “May I speak freely, Sir?”
9. Whenever you have no duties to perform, or need instruction, you assume the kneeling position at your Master’s feet and wait quietly for his attention.
10. Arms are never allowed to be crossed over the body when in the presence of the Master unless it is his/her request.
11. You may not have an orgasm without permission, and may only play with yourself with permission.
12. When you make a mistake or misbehave, you may not wait until Master notices, but must immediately inform Him and gracefully accept correction.
13. You may not interrupt your Master except in an emergency.
14. The slave must prepare body for bed by bathing and then preparing the bed for the dominant.
15. Slave must present his/her body for a nightly inspection.
16. Slave must kneel and ask permission to enter the Master’s bed
17. When you are in Master’s House, you may eat and drink only from Master’s hand.
18. The submissive must learn how to serve coffee, tea or other drinks in a serving ritual specified by the Master.
19. Upon a signal from Master, the slave presents himself/herself in a manner specified by the Master for the preliminaries of sexual intimacy.

IN PUBLIC

1. A slave is not permitted to draw undue attention by excessive body movements such as tossing the head or hair, shifting positions while kneeling, moving hands or feet or, in general, doing anything that is distracting.
2. All movements are expected to be as graceful as possible or as trained by Master.
3. Lips are to be kept slightly parted and relaxed.
4. The back is always kept straight.
5. Whenever the slave is using your hands, he/she must keep them behind his/her back; when standing still, legs are parted. This is to be done unobtrusively – don’t alarm the vanilla world.
6. You walk slightly behind Master.
7. Slave does not make eye contact with any Dominant other than their Master.
8. You wait for his attention to speak.
9. In a restaurant, Master orders your meals.
10. You must discreetly ask permission to begin eating, and you may never start eating until your Master does.
11. You address Him as Sir whenever there are no other vanilla people around.
12. When having dinner with other lifestylers, slave will serve Master and guests as taught, then clear the table and serve coffee, tea or dessert as instructed. Afterward, slave sits on the floor at his feet.

As I have stated many times, pick and choose those listed protocols you want discard the rest. Or, invent your own or use some that have been omitted. For example, I use less than half of the above protocols in my relationship. So, my best advice is to use those that work for you and eliminate those that don’t.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

High Protocol: Part One

November 28, 2016 By Baadmaster 5 Comments

This article was inspired by Vice Erotica’s visual depiction of high protocol service right here on kinkweekly.com. In our post “Fifty Shades” world, I fear that the beauty of high protocol could be lost. Thus this article, written in two parts. Part One will examine the myth of high protocol dominance and submission. The next article will be an extensive nuts and bolts guide to high protocol. First, let’s examine the myth.

I am often asked, “What exactly is high protocol?” A strict dictionary definition would be, “a code prescribing strict adherence to a pre-determined etiquette.” In the BDSM context, protocols are the rules of behavior for Masters/Mistresses and slaves. What we generally call “low protocol” is a relaxed, mostly informal relationship with few rules and prescribed patterns of behavior. Obviously, a “medium protocol” D/s relationship is one with more rules than a “low protocol” one; but these rules are far from all pervasive. Finally, “high protocol” is a relationship where many, if not most, activities are conducted ceremonially and tied to a detailed set of rules.

The most widespread myth about high protocol is that it is somehow higher on the BDSM food chain than lower protocol relationships. Many lifestylers who are attracted to high protocol mistakenly think that it is something to aspire to; they assume that it embodies what one should think of as a “true” Master/slave relationship. Although nothing could be further from the truth, there seems to be a tendency to romanticize high protocol. So, why do so many people talk about high-protocol unions as though they are something to aim for in D/s relationships?

Much of the appeal of BDSM is built upon images of slaves serving in what seems to be high-protocol settings. Kneeling provocatively at the Master’s feet at all times; always serving Mistress’s drink in a prescribed manor; performing the perfect greeting ritual every time the Master returns home are all images of “high protocol” that are sensual, transcendent and very appealing. The fact that very few of us have neither the time nor the energy – nor the need – to go to these lengths on a 24/7 basis does not diminish the lure of this idealization. Furthermore, these descriptions reinforce the “BDSM Urban Myth” that unless you are a high-protocol Master/Mistress or slave, you are somehow not a “real Master/Mistress or slave.” This misconception is quite widespread. And if I do nothing other than dispel this notion here, I have done my job.
In my experience, I have found that high protocol functions best when it is for a short period of time – for example, within a BDSM scene. Or, for just a weekend. However, in the context of a 24/7 relationship, I believe it works only for a select few Doms/Dommes and subs. Those rare successful high-protocol couples are those where both partners crave it. It cannot simply be imposed on the slave; that is far too taxing. The slave cannot simply demand it; that requires far too much topping from the bottom. High protocol must be wanted, needed and truly desired by both partners. This is especially true in our world of jobs, kids and a gazillion other demands on our time and attention.

From the Master/Mistress’s (and slave’s) point of view, high protocol is a lot of work. So unless high protocol is a primal BDSM need for both, the workload will be crushing. Over time, what was initially fun will become hard, and oft-times unrewarding, work. The best protocol is one where both Master/Mistress and sub are most naturally comfortable. There is obviously some wiggle room here – but not a huge amount.

In our next installment, I will detail many high protocols. By reading this first article as a primer, and comprehending that high protocol is not a universal goal, you will be able to pick and choose those protocols that work within the type of relationship you desire. Do not make the mistake of aspiring to high-protocol just for high-protocol’s sake. Any level of protocol is fine — if it works for you!

In the final analysis, there’s nothing inherently superior in high protocol versus low protocol – any more than there’s something superior to an airplane flying at a high altitude rather than a lower altitude.

high protocol

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