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Pet Play: A Simple Life

April 24, 2021 By eve 2 Comments

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***All pieces of erotica are fictional. We NEVER condone anything is not safe, ethical, and/or consensual


They sit in the franchise coffee shop sipping steaming beverages from oversize mugs, non-descript men, and women. She’s scrolling through her phone. He is cradling his head in his hand and reading a document. He scribbled on the page, and she sat forward to respond to him. No PDA, but you knew they were together. “It is as we discussed. Let me know if we need to change anything,” she said matter of factly as she returned to her original position.


In calligraphy across the page was Contract of Submission: Owner/pup. Their pet names of Mistress Victoria and Kevin the worm and April 19, 2021, were the qualifying details.

The first section was grooming and health. The puppy was to inform Master if he ever felt unwell. He would wear a collar and home and a leather bracelet in public. Puppy is to present a clean bill of health, including STI screening before play. 

Owner’s responsibilities

Pup will receive care and attention for his needs. Pet will be watered, walked, and fed, every day. Toys will be provided when the Owner is not available. Pet training and play is 24/ 7 from Friday at 6 to Sunday at 9 pm in the Owner’s home. 

Pet will be permitted on the furniture with Owner’s permission. Otherwise, his dog bed or kennel. 

Rewards are at Owner’s discretion.

Play will include games like tug of war and wrestling, as well as paddling in the pool. Discipline and punishment may happen during training sessions. The water gun or rolled-up newspaper will be used to draw attention to poor pet habits. All attention will be withdrawn for severe misbehaviour, and Pup will spend no less than 2 hours in his cage without lights or entertainment.

Pet agrees:

He will learn to fetch, heel, beg, do tricks and lay at the Owner’s feet.

He will wear a collar and lead during sessions and be restrained safely.

Pup will use the human toilet and bath regularly. Pup will ask permission to use the toilet by heeling on the right side of the bathroom door and on the left side for bathing and hygiene. 

If it is an emergency, the Pup has permission to bark and call attention to his urgent need.

Pup will sleep in his dog run and have his blankets. Occasionally, the dog may be permitted to sleep in Mistress’s room on the floor.

Safewords and a triple clap or tapping stops play immediately.

The terms of the contract will be revisited every three months.


He raised his eyes to meet hers, smiled and signed to document. He slid the paper across the table and waited. She signed it and put it in an envelope. He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. He whimpered and bowed his head. This 6-foot broad-shouldered rogue of man had the body posture of a naughty schoolboy. He sat silently and focused on this oversized coffee mug. She texted and paid little mind to him. She gets up, touches the top of his head and speaks softly close to his face before she goes to the bathroom. The intensity of the communication was palpable. You could feel his sadness and her displeasure. He finished his drink and was waiting by the door, like a dog awaiting the arrival of his Master. He held the door, and she walkthrough. They wandered towards the far end of the parking, in no particular hurry, despite to cold wind. As they walked, she reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. He seemed to perk up and stand a little taller as they made their way to a giant black SUV. She drove a black escalade with tinted windows. As they approached it, he helped her in and then sat in the back seat. It was difficult to see through the tinted windows, but it was apparent that he was getting a tongue lashing.

They arrived back at the house. She opened the door and let him go in first. Once inside, they put coats on hooks. He continued to undress and placed his clothes in a box at the bottom of the closet. He put black fuzzy mitts on his hands and feet before he got down on all fours. She took a choke chain and heavy metal lead from a hook and placed it around his neck. He raised his head to ease the process but did not move.

“Good, boy, walk on,” she went ahead of him and went to the kitchen. Pup picked up his lead with his mouth and made his way to the kitchen after his Master. He moved on all fours in a practiced manner, his feet were up off the ground, and his knees provide the much need traction on the shiny floor. In the kitchen, he sat near the sink and watched as she began supper prep. She gathered the ingredients and started to chop vegetables. He moved to her side and nudged her thigh with his head, not looking up. She pushed him off but did not make eye contact. All the vegetables were dumped in a colander, rinsed and ready to be cooked. He put his paws up on the counter and yelped—his chain rattling and scraping across the floor.

“Get down, mister,” she said, turning off the water. He did not move and tossed his head towards the vegetable. “Yes, you will get your dinner, now get down” she smiled at his playful, fun-loving nature. She tossed a piece of broccoli along the counter, and he gobbled it down. He went to his water bowl and lapped up some water. Satisfied with the attention, he wanders into the living room to sit on his dog bed.

Cooking smells soon draw Pup’s attention back to the kitchen. Mistress is putting chunks of chicken and vegetables in his food bowl, and for a treat, she tops it with crispy Chinese noodles. Pup bounds in on all fours, this time, he is on his slippered feet, and his hands struggle to not lose his balance. Mistress laughs at the comedy of his movement. He is delighted with her laughter and continues to wave his bottom and toss his head about. After a good laugh, Mistress tells Pup to settle down and eat his dinner. Pup crouches down and eats slowly, careful not to choke. Mistress checks in before she sits at the counter and uses chopsticks to eat her dinner. She scrolls on her phone and replies to messages. As she rinses the dishes and loads, the dishwasher pup watches everything; she does but stays out of her way. As she pours a glass of wine, she hears a yip. He is no longer in the kitchen; he is in front of the bathroom door. Holding his lead in his mouth.

As she removes the leash, she says, “Now, is that the right or left side of the door?” Pup looks confused.

“Potty is the right side of the door, don’t forget.” He bounds to the right side of the door and crouches as if to heel. “Ok, next time, I will remind you with the newspaper.” He bobs his head in understanding and closes the bathroom door behind him.

Mistress leaves her wine in the living room and goes to her room to change out of her business close. It has been a long week. When she comes out of her closet, Pup is on the bed and bouncing around, wanting to play. When he sees her, he freezes and holds eye contact. Flinching to invite Mistress to play. He knows he’s not supposed to be on the bed, but it’s fun to play on the bed. He bounces and motions for her to join him. When she approaches the bed, he comes to meet her using his head and should, rubbing against her hip and stomach, waiting for the attention he so deeply craves. She tussles his hair and strokes down his back. Pup slows and presses himself close to enjoy the closeness. Mistress is very kind and makes him feel special. He can’t contain his excitement and jumps up on her, so she falls on the bed. They wrestle and have playtime until the Pup is tired and lies down.

“Alright, off the bed, let’s go watch a show. How about a game show or a movie, no reality TV?” Pup barks and nods his head in approval. He gets down and makes his way to the living room. Mistress straightens the bed and goes looking for her wine. For the remainder of the night, she watches Tv and drinks wine while he lies close to her feet, content and happy in her company.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, bottom, dominant, fetish, handler, kink, Kink Community, pet play, power exchange, puppy play, submissive, Top

What Would Happen Without Shame and Embarrassment In the BDSM/Kink Community?

April 17, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

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I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

Today’s thoughts evolved from another article I read regarding a news broadcast on feminism, in which  a female participant “admitted” to attending “spanking camp”: A BDSM-oriented gathering that focused  on corporal punishment. The author mentioned that, while they were happy that BDSM was being  discussed in an open and positive forum, they were disappointed in the amount of shame the woman felt – and the way the interviewer continued down the shameful manner of referring to the event. The  notion that a woman could enjoy being spanked (or participating in BDSM as a bottom or submissive)  was creating guilt and shame based on how it seemed to run against feminist principles. 

Don’t worry…my column today isn’t about feminism vs. BDSM. It’s about the concepts of shame and  embarrassment – where they come from – and why they’re powerful in power dynamics. 

The statement got me thinking about the shame and embarrassment of many of the practices of power  play and, more exactly, if we were to remove the stigma behind the acts – remove the shame – would  we participate in them? 

Many of us play with “Humiliation” within our scenes. We have the stereotypes of foot worship, ass kissing, bowing, humbling, exposure (e.g., CFNM, etc.), degradation, etc. These are practices that play  with the creation of shame and embarrassment within the submissive. They are so engrained in the  social imagery of BDSM, that they are often automatically brought to mind when we think about power  dynamics. So, I began to wonder: 

If the shame were removed…if the actions were stripped to the core of simply being what they are,  without the emotional implications of what the action MEANS…would people still engage in them? 

Of course, for me, this question gets back to my favorite topic of intent (oh my, what a surprise!). I tend  to feel that the pleasure we feel is a reaction to our intent in carrying out the activity – more than the  activity itself. If the action were stripped of its implied meaning, or if our partner weren’t on the same  page as to the implied meaning, we wouldn’t partake in the activity. For example, would you really bow  before someone, if it wasn’t understood to represent subjugation and submission? Another way to look  at it: If someone bowed before you, but didn’t feel that bowing was a symbol of relative power, would it have any meaning? 

Rather than being humiliating or shameful, these acts are SYMBOLS of intent that we interpret in our  dynamics. They need to be MUTUALLY UNDERSTOOD to be effective. Both partners need to be on the  same page as to what the implied intent is, or the action will not have similar impact on the partners.  Part of our communications in our relationships would therefore need to be a definition of intent for these actions. I go back to “Define before you Opine” and the importance of understanding the “unique  definition of submission to a specific dominant”. 

Some folks believe that D/s not only involves the intent of a sub to submit to a dominant, but it involves  a wide variety of ritualized behaviors that serve to confirm this intent and enhance the sub’s sense of  submission and the dominant’s sense of Domination. Humiliation serves to enhance this sense of D/s. 

Interestingly, these acts do not equate to submission to me. I feel nothing when a guy kisses my  foot…really. I mean, if I know what it means to him, I’ll feel something – but again, it’s not the act of  kissing my foot, it’s his reaction to it that stimulates me. It’s his INTENT in doing it that gets me going. It’s  what’s going on in his mind that has meaning, as long as I’m aware of what that is. 

Take, for example, bowing: It could be argued that an observer would interpret bowing as an act of  submission or respect. I would argue that there is a MAJOR difference between submission and respect!  Which does a person who bows before me INTEND? If he’s of certain cultures, it may well be respect,  and not at all submission. Submission is not just placing someone in a position of respect…It’s about  dedication and commitment. Although a bow MIGHT accompany such a commitment, the bow itself  doesn’t equal that commitment! The bow doesn’t matter – the intent of the bow does. 

Is there a chain of thought that these acts thought of as submission, are deeply ingrained in our social  consciousness? Is it evidenced by the fact that they mimic rituals of domination and submission that  have always been part of our culture, and at least some practices, such as spanking, may have always  been part of our behavioral repertoire? 

In my opinion, this is a stereotype, used, not only in porn images of BDSM, but in more mainstream  media depictions of power dynamics, and therefore it is an accepted reality. I’m challenging the  stereotypes in MY dynamics because they don’t fulfill MY definition of submission. I have found that  they don’t fit many people’s perception. In my dealings with couples, I always advise that, before you  base your reality on a stereotype, be sure it matches the reality of your partner! It may not. 

When you engage in a power dynamic, you need to understand your partner, determine their  preferences, and learn their imagery. You need to discuss the definition of submission and get on the  same page as to what is, and what isn’t, service to that dominant. Only then can you establish a power  dynamic that has meaning your unique dynamic! 


Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community

The Challenge Of Being A Pandemic Newcomer

April 17, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

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I think back on occasion to the challenges I encountered when I was first seeking my local kink community.  It was a different time then, and the books I’d read suggested searching for information wherever I was purchasing my kink implements.  Spoiler alert, that was a bust.  It took someone familiar with the local community, a Fetlife account and some determination much later to find my people.

I see some similarities in some of the people who have been searching for kink over the past year.  For a moment, really take a moment to image how challenging it would be to attempt to find local kinky people without munches, without events, with many of our local groups dormant and the only options as some sparse Zoom educational events, some swink events that never seemed to take a break or enact safety measures and won’t be in many folx’s risk profiles, and with the majority of kink social media divided sharply down a political line that didn’t seem to be drawn quite so determinedly some six months prior.  Even those who had a party or two under their belts were suddenly left to flounder, with no partners, no mentors, no education, and no options.  They had a hunger for their brief tastes of kink, and no options to feed that other than to take chances on dating sites and meeting strangers from Fet.

To be quite frank, that sucks. 

The others who came searching for us along the way have had an equally difficult time, though at least they only have a vague idea of what they’re missing.

My local community slipped sideways to Telegram, creating a virtual spiderweb of chats that are all run by kinky folx for kinky folx.  Of course, newcomers and veterans alike had to find it or be told it was there to go looking.  We aren’t going to advertise, for goodness sake.

As a project to keep my spirits up, I have tried to stay active in planning educational Zooms, participating in conversations which may have educational value, and writing here.  But for these newcomers, what does their path look like?  What should they do to engage their local communities as they begin to sputter back to life?

First and foremost, we each have to look out for our own self-interest.  We cannot depend on others to value our physical or mental health, and we cannot trust that someone random we’ve met at a kink event has our educational best interests in mind either.  It is up to each of us to seek knowledge.

Read.  Find books, read fet articles, read Kink Weekly articles, do searches on topics of interest.  Don’t take my word for anything, do the research.  I don’t mean read one article that took two minutes and then make a snap decision, I mean research.  One of my graduate professors insisted that 50 sources was the absolute minimum to truly cover any subject, and while I admire his enthusiasm, many of the BDSM topics I want to read about won’t have that many research opportunities, and most will be opinion rather than data, though hopefully it will be informed opinion, which is sometimes the best we get.  I’m happy to find 10 different viewpoints on any given topic.  Regardless, make sure to inform yourself.  Read about negotiations.  Read about communication.  Do self-work you encounter.  Figure out what sparks your interest and notate it.  Figure out what scares you and notate that.  Those things will quite likely change drastically, then change again once you encounter these things in the real world, but knowing what interests you is an important way to start finding what you think you are seeking.

Vet.  Get to know people.  Ask questions.  When I say vet, figure out what that means to you.  To me, that means finding experienced community members I trust and asking questions.  It means watching and seeing what kind of person someone is.  To others, it is a more or sometimes less involved process.  Don’t take it lightly, from either the bottom or the top side.  There are people you’ll wish you’d avoided of all genders and kink identities.  If you can weed those out on the front end, it can save heartache, pain, and potentially even trauma you may wish you could have avoided.  If you’re going to meet someone in private, for goodness sake, please have safe calls lined up with a friend ready to call the police if things go sideways.  Your safety is your responsibility and it is important to not treat it lightly.  Pretend you are making arrangements for someone you love dearly to meet someone.  How can you set that up as safely as possible so they will return to you unharmed (or in your case, as unharmed as you want to be)? 

Find group leaders locally and ask them how to access educational events.  If you can’t find any locally, search Fet for digital offerings.  They are becoming more common, and range from subjects such as poly and jealousy to demonstrations of different kink skills, to social meetings with assigned topics of discussion.  Regardless of how long you’ve been in the community, these events are great opportunities to learn.

Find out if any local groups are offering safe options for meetups.  Are they offering parties for vaccinated folx?  Are they enacting safety measures you feel are within your risk profile?  If not, are there other towns or larger cities nearby who might have better options? 

Are there experienced kinksters who can offer advice or information on their specialty areas?  My partner and I have taken a newcomer under our collective wings and are training him in impact play, leatherworking, and teaching him general kink skills and communication.  He sarcastically calls himself “the most experienced newbie ever.”  To be fair, he probably is at this point.  He was writing articles on impact implements last week and laughing at all of his practical knowledge outweighing his physical experience.

Opportunities are out there.  There are chances to learn and grow for all of us right now, regardless of how active our local communities are choosing to be.  Maybe those come in the form of individual relationships, and maybe they come as digital learning, but we can find them if we seek in the right places.  The trick, as it always has been from back when I first came seeking, is in the knowing where to look.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community

The Awakening

April 17, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

***All pieces of erotica are fiction. We NEVER condone anything that is not safe and consensual.


She came to in a bit of a fog. Opening her eyes in the half-light, she reached up idly to scratch her nose, snapping to attention when her hand disobeyed the command and she realized it was bound to her side. She felt the panic attack kind of fear begin to swell and heard a deep voice resonate out of the shadow.

“Well hello, there, little one,” the voice intoned, “here I thought you might sleep the day away.” The bass voice spoke teasingly, with a hint of familiarity, as if he knew her intimately already, faint wisps of a drawl in some of his vowels. She tried to place the voice – surely she’d heard it before somewhere. Surely a man calling her ‘little one’ had to have spoken to her before enough to tickle her memory. Maybe work…the thought began, suddenly evaporating mid-stream as he stepped into the light.

Surely she would have remembered a man such as this. He towered above her, broad shouldered in the half-light, looming over her as she lay in a nest of cushions and blankets. How had she not noticed that either? She was beginning to seriously question her powers of oberservance, given how little she seemed to notice until it was forced upon her. Was she dressed? Panic began its rise again, fading some when she realized she was still dressed in her pajamas. Or, at least they felt like her pajamas, she mentally amended herself, her baseline emotion still complete terror at having woken somewhere other than the bed she fell asleep in.

A large hand reached out as if to touch her securely bound ankle, hesitating for a moment before making some adjustments to her bindings, flicking a rope here and there. She felt her bladder stir and desperately hoped he was arranging for her to use a restroom. She became aware of whatever he was doing, as he began to tug at various ropes connecting her limbs to his hand. He slowly and gently arranged her into a sitting position all without ever touching a finger to her body. She felt like the oddest, most lifelike puppet all of the sudden, and had an odd thought that it must be peaceful to be a puppet, with no bills, no cares, just to be taken out to serve a purpose and then put away. The thought chilled her, and she glanced at her captor nervously. She had not spoken since her awakening, and was afraid to break the still peace with the gutteral utterance of voice.

Manipulating her bindings as if he were an expert puppetmaster, he directed her towards a small room in the corner. She opened her mouth to ask, hesitating when she saw him loop the ropes in his hands across some metal braces on the wall and pass them to himself through an opening at the top of the braces.

“You will use taps to communicate your needs,” he said coldly. The fear in her stomach warned her not to disobey. He pointed to a chart on the wall detailing a system of knocking and stomping designed to indicate basic function. “When my eyes are upon you,” he continued, “you may use head gestures to respond to questions. Is that understood?” She nodded slowly, fear asking her how many others had taken this test and failed, and what might have become of them.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, bdsm toys, bottom, fetish, kink, Kink Community, power echange, Top

Keeping it Kinky in Quarantine BDSM during the Corona Virus Epidemic

April 10, 2021 By Morgan Thorne 2 Comments

Don’t miss Morgan Thorne going over how to keep kink alive during the pandemic!

Click below to find out more!

Keeping it Kinky in Quarantine BDSM during the Corona Virus Epidemic

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community

This week in kink: April 12, 2021

April 10, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

Bodybuilder marries sex doll!

Click below to find out more about their story from GruntStuff!

Kazakhstani bodybuilder marries sex doll after whirlwind romance

Check out this scientific study that outlines certain psychological traits that can be found in kinksters!

Click below to read more from PsyPost!

Studies provide new insights into possible psychological mechanisms underlying interest in BDSM

BDSM requires being present and mindful at all times.

With this being said, check out this awesome article connecting meditation and BDSM from Mashable!

Click below to learn more!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, Kink Community, sex doll

An Analysis Of BDSM’s Old Guard

April 10, 2021 By TAC 2 Comments

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The More Things Change, They Stay the Same

“I have problems with the way in which the distinction between ‘Old Guard’ and ‘New Guard’ is sometimes deployed. While there are many differences between leather/SM as it was practiced in the 1950’s and as it is practiced today, the shorthand terms can exaggerate and oversimplify our past and present.

Most of the alleged differences popularly thought to differentiate ‘Old Guard’ and ‘New Guard’ – formality versus informality, strict etiquette versus a more casual style of social interaction, deliberate training versus less organized acquisition of skill and knowledge – are more a matter of degree than absolute distinctions.” (Old Guard, New Guard; Cuir Underground; Gayle Rubin; 1998)

Even though this was published 23 years ago, it is as true today as it was then. Just change the terminology from “Old Guard” and “New Guard” to “New Guard” and “The New Generation.” Nothing which is being done today, is new. It has come full circle back to the beginning of Leather and kink in the 50’s and 60’s. Not quite back to the free for all and burgeoning organization(s); more of an organized chaos where there is less emphasis on exclusive organization and more on the individual and the sharing of information. Leather, both organized and unorganized, was near the beginning of a more overt kink culture in the United States. Their ideas, culture, and some of their traditions are still defining our journeys today, whether we want to admit it or not.

The Spirit of Kink Preserved

“All through this Handbook I will be at great pains to point out that much of what I have to say is opinion….. Your reaction may be entirely different, and your desires may exceed or fall short of the action I describe. This is exactly as it should be. No one – Larry Townsend or anyone else – can even begin to set the standards for your sexual needs and/or behavior.” (The Original Leatherman’s Handbook; Larry Townsend; 1972) This was the spirit of kink from the beginning which still pervades today. That there was not and will not be one way, one true way, or one way to be/conform to. Kink has been and still is a rare bastion of freedom in a world where everything we do from the wearing of socks to what shop we buy our coffee from becomes scripted.

If you are interested in, or are part of, a clan/house/family in BDSM you most likely have agreed to a structure and set of rules to be part of that organization. All well and good. However, all of that is dependent on being in the organization. Not kink, not Leather, not BDSM. It is their way, and possibly yours. I am not arguing against organizations, only saying that the structure and rules, are not kink dependent, they are organizationally dependent. Kink is its own animal; wild, untamed, and free. How it is expressed by the multitudes is up to each individual which can include a thousand rules, or none at all.

There Are No Magical Answers – Only History

There is still a lot of debate regarding what, if anything, the “Old Guard” was. I hear some people talk today about how they are like the “Old Guard.” How, if three generations back they were confused as to what it really was? Guy Baldwin, in a speech he gave in Tacoma, WA (September 20, 2014) referred to the subject by characterizing it as the, “….single most troublesome, misunderstood, divisive, and distracting issue to bedevil our leather world, and for succeeding generations: of course, I refer to The Old Guard.”  (Full text of the speech available here Old Gods Die Hard | by Leatherati | Leatherati Online)

Even Jack Rinella stated he was a relative latecomer to Leather (circa late 70’s). Having done research into this subject himself he freely opined he had a hard time pinning down what the, “Old Guard,” was and he was much closer to the source than we are today.

They did not refer to themselves as, “Old Guard,” and by admission (through available essays and writing) many who were around in that era freely stated it was chaotic, a jumble of expectations getting loosely defined by organizations which began to form over time. Feeling their way through life, just as we are now. Figuring it out as we go along. There was no roadmap to help them preordain the way it would turn out as many historians would like us to believe.

Yet, there are many aspects of that era which survive today and things which we have added along the way. This forms an ever-evolving way of looking at and practicing kink. Where there was once S/M now there is BDSM which was not coined until decades later. Where safety and accountability were certainly mentioned in points of S/M history; Safe, Sane, and Consensual became a watch phrase born in the early 80’s. Early on there were not even Tops or bottoms let alone Dominants/Masters and submissves/slaves. All of this evolved through time. Much of which during can be considered in the, “New Guard,” era. If there is such a thing. 

Even through evolution, the best ideas and values seem to survive. 

Honesty and Integrity: “Real Leatherman keep their word: they do not borrow or lend money; they conduct their affairs with honor and integrity – they don’t lie.”

Recognition of experience: “Experience in the Scene determines social seniority (Top or bottom), not age, not size, not amount of leather worn, and not offices held in organizations, awards received or titles won.”

Courtesy: “….all are expected to observe rules of social courtesy – bad manners are inexcusable and can lower one’s status in the Scene….”

(The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions; Drummer Magazine; Late 80’s; Guy Baldwin)

These are just a few examples of values set early on in the kink scene, which survive today. A quasi roadmap which did not exist in the 50’s. At least today, we have these bits and parts to lean on as a tacit guide. We may not be standing on the shoulders of giants, but path was certainly forged for us (and still is being forged) by some rather brave individuals. 

Without their contributions to kink and the Scene, we may not have some of the generally accepted values today. Those values and contributions, in my opinion, are what lead people today to have a certain reverence for the past, keep us guessing about what it was really like, and if we are doing it “right” today. 

Does it really matter?

Yes….. and no. It matters if you are like me; who understanding where we came from, can help inform us why we are the way we are today. If you are one who just likes to forge ahead without putting a whole like of pondering into it, maybe not. But those basic values and concepts which run through our community such as respect, courtesy, honesty, integrity, safety, etc inform our lives and the way we practice kink. Even for those who may not realize (or care about) how it all began. 

Lessons hopefully passed on and learned; some traditions preserved and better ways of doing things being thought of every year and incorporated; and a spirit of freedom are at the heart of what it is that we do. An oral (sometimes written) history. Knowledge passed from the older generation to the younger in hopes they will carry the torch and keep improving on it. Some of the changes over the years have chapped my ass. But that is the nature of change and, “The New Generation,” certainly has the right to live kink in a way that makes the most sense for them. 

We have a more conscious way for kink which fits with this era. One which is much more inclusive, much more safety conscious, and dare I say, much more, “out.” I cannot say the last decade has been entirely comfortable for me since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey (2011) popularized kink, but it has been certainly exciting, as well as exhausting. I look forward to the developments coming in the next ten years.

Note: For more information on the authors referenced in this article, please visit the links included below (in order of reference):

Gayle Rubin –  Gayle Rubin – Wikipedia 

Larry Townsend – Larry Townsend – Wikipedia 

Guy Baldwin –  Guy Baldwin – Wikipedia , Guy Baldwin – Leather Hall of Fame

 Jack Rinella — Jack Rinella’s Home Page (leatherviews.com)


Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm scene, fetish, fetish community, kink, Kink Community, new guard, old guard

This week in kink: April 5, 2020

April 2, 2021 By Dexx 2 Comments

Want something sexy to read?

Then, check out these BDSM books from Cosmo!


Unfortunately, The Sex Work Industry is still heavily stigmatized.

With this being said, check out this informative article on how the media is perpetuating the negative view of sex work.

Click below to find out more from Dazed!


Learn about cultural misogyny and why we should care about it from The Conversation!

Click below to find out more!


Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, dominatrix, Kink Community, sex, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers, sexual freedom

“You don’t like to cuddle?! You’re a HORRIBLE Person!”

April 2, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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Seems like such a mundane thing to have as a hard limit, doesn’t it? Cuddling after sex or play.

I get this attitude every time the topic of aftercare comes up. Doesn’t matter if I’m the bottom. Doesn’t matter if I’m the top. Doesn’t matter if I’m the dom. Doesn’t matter if I’m the sub.

They ALWAYS mean cuddling. I mean ALWAYS. It’s never about food and drink. Never about tending wounds. It’s always about being trapped against another human being long after my need for close contact is concluded.

When I say I don’t cuddle, people automatically assume I must be some callous, mean-spirited, abusive ghoul. They personally have to have the cuddles, so anyone who won’t do that (even though we’re never going to meet, let alone play) is the worst villain in the world. End of story.

Here’s the thing…there is a story behind it, if only they’d see past their own personal snit to listen.

Not once has anyone ever asked me why I don’t like to cuddle. I’m a very horrible terrible person and that’s the end of it. There are no valid reasons as far as they are concerned.

But, yeah, there are reasons. Very serious, horrific reasons. In order to comprehend how pervasive it is, take this moment to set aside any indignation over the very thought that someone doesn’t like to cuddle with other adult human beings. (Cats and dogs are fine. I’d love a bunny, too. Or a ferret. Hell, even a cuddly snake would be great.)

My reason starts with the molestation I endured for years as a child. Being trapped on the bed, unable to escape him or that nightmare. Not allowed to leave the bed until he’d done what he was going to do to me that day and let me go. There was no fighting him. He was much bigger than I was at the start. He just picked me up and carried me into his room. The cousin trusted to babysit me and his younger brother while his mother and sisters went to the grocery store, which always took two or more hours. It ended when my mother and I moved closer to my school and I no longer had to go to my aunt’s house every day Monday through Friday.

Flash forward to my first husband, who I was with from 1987 to 2000. He would demand that I remain in the bed with him after sex. “Cuddle with me!” he would say in this pleading, childish whine. It may have been cute at first. After years of it, I hated that phrase. At the time, I could not vocalize my dislike. I just didn’t much like to cuddle.

I was literally trapped in his arms, forced to remain regardless how I felt about it. He was good at back-handed guilt trips and getting angry if I tried to stand up for myself and not do something he was badgering me into. There was no winning. Even if I won and didn’t have to cuddle, I lost because he would be angry for hours.

I had to endure it until he started snoring. Close, hot space, sweaty bodies (gross), being breathed on when my skin was already insufferably over-sensitive. 

I hated every second of it. I still do. If a guy flogs and fucks me well enough that I want to cuddle, he needs to mark his belt, put a notch on the bedpost, and make a note in the calendar to celebrate the anniversary next year.

Once he started snoring, I could extricate myself from the bear trap and get some space. I could be alone for the rest of the night if he stayed asleep.

Would it have been different if I’d never suffered through four years of sexual abuse? I don’t know. I can never know, so I don’t dwell on it. This is who I am and people have to take me as I am. They cannot change me to suit themselves, and that wouldn’t be fair of them anyway.

Not wanting to be trapped in a place I no longer want to be doesn’t make me a horrible person.

“Gosh, maybe you should go to therapy and fix that!” I can hear someone saying.

Why? To appease people I’m not in a relationship with? So no one has to suffer the thought that someone else isn’t like they are? No amount of therapy in the world is going to change the fact that I don’t like to be touched after sex and/or play, or that I want to be left alone when we’re done. I don’t need that type of pseudo-connection and manufactured closeness in order to be content.

Another mundane thing that is a hard limit with me is performing fellatio, and for the same initial reason: Molestation I endured as a child.

Over the years, it’s become harder and harder to do. I’m at the point where I cannot bring myself to put my mouth on the genitals. I have zero desire to do so. Rather the opposite. I have complete aversion to the very thought.

I’m really good at fellatio. I used to be able to do it for quite a long time with my first husband, until my jaw ached and I could barely move it. With the second husband, it slowly became impossible. We talked about it many times. He understood. He didn’t tell me to do it very often. He understood when I couldn’t do it for more than a few minutes. He knew it was a thing he was not qualified to fix.

“Gosh, maybe you should get some therapy to fix that!” I can hear someone saying.

Yes, the horror of a woman refusing to suck dick. It must be fixed! All those poor men whose dicks she’s not sucking! THINK OF THE POOR DICKS!

I don’t feel a need to go to therapy just so I can tolerate a sexual act I get no pleasure in performing. It’s not a crime against nature that I don’t want to do it. It’s my choice. Consent and all. I do not consent to giving head, and I’m okay never giving head ever again in my life.

That doesn’t make me a horrific monster either. I’ll still fuck a dude right off the bed. 

While I won’t perform oral, I do give an intense round of fucking. I consider that a good trade off, especially when they wear themselves out and can’t satisfy my need for orgasms. See, that’s another lingering effect of having been molested for years. I LOVE to fuck. I’m all about the penetration. Hard fucking, long fucking, bodies pounding together so hard that people on the other beds stop to watch and applaud when I’m finally done and the people next door light up a smoke.

I’d call that a good alternative.

So, Dear Reader…When someone says a seemingly mundane, everyday common thing is a hard limit, rather than drawing a judgment against that person maybe you should ask if they will share the why of it. Maybe take a moment to realize that there might be a deeply personal and private pain behind that hard limit. Understand the why and accept the person for who they are. Realize it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get that thing, and take what they offer as an alternative.

Their limit isn’t about you.

It’s about them.

——-

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She has over 30 years of experience in d/s relationships. She is also an award-winning author who has written three “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty seven fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

WordPress – https://dametylerrose.wordpress.com/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/tylerroseauthor/

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Tagged With: aftercare, bdsm community, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, boundaries, hard limits, Kink Community, soft limits

Safe Caller Does Not Mean Chatty Friend

March 26, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

Some people seem to think that the job of the safe caller is not all that important. “It’s just what you would normally do, letting someone know where you are” is an attitude I’ve recently seen.

That is wrong. Painfully wrong. Dangerously wrong.

The purpose of a safe caller isn’t just so someone knows where you are; the other person knows you have back up; or to calm your nerves while waiting.

Yes, those may be aspects of the job. I’ve been all three of those things, because the safe caller is whatever the person going to the meeting needs them to be. Most of the time, those things are all that is needed.

The ultimate purpose of a safe caller, however, is to call the police to rescue your ass if shit goes sideways.

I know a great many wonderful people. I would not, however, pick the biggest flake to be my safe caller. Or the one I know is not good under pressure or in emergency situations. If I wouldn’t trust them to watch a puppy for the weekend, I’m not going to trust them with my life.

In fact, I have asked someone with whom I wasn’t particularly friends, because I knew she’d do the job well if shit went bad on me.

The person you select must be calm in the midst of crisis. They must be confident when speaking to authority figures, and even a little pushy about getting their point across. They must know how to efficiently give the facts without paragraphs of unnecessary information.

They must be capable of dealing effectively with 911 personnel to convey your location and the situation and get help to you as quickly as possible.

It doesn’t have to be a ten point plan, but the use of a code word can be very helpful. Say the code word is deuces. You say “Is everything deuces?” If the person on the date repeats the word back to you “Yeah, it’s totally deuces!”, shit’s gone bad and they need help. If they don’t use the word “Yeah, everything is great”, all is well.

This is a serious job.
They must not hesitate to make that call if the code word is used.
They must not fail you.

Anyone will do if you’re a little nervous waiting for the other person to arrive and are texting to fill the time.

We are talking about your personal safety. If they’re not ready, willing, and capable of calling 911 for you, should it go bad, then that person is not a safe caller.


In case you do not know…

To call 911 in a city not your own, you must know the area code for the person’s location.

Dial 1- (area code) – 911


TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for over 30 years in private and more than 12 years in public venues. 

She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over twenty fiction books that you can find on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can find more of her work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828
FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/
FB Regular page —  https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseAuthor


She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm community, bdsm relationship, bdsm safety, bdsm scene, fetish, kink, Kink Community, safety, safety consent, safeword

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