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anniebear Interviews Downtown Willy

March 21, 2016 By anniebear Leave a Comment

You’re really well known for your dungeon furniture in Los Angeles and across the country and I’m pretty sure almost every dungeon in Los Angeles has at least one piece of your furniture.

Almost!

So how did you come to start making dungeon furniture.

Well I’ve always been into the lifestyle. I kind of started early. I had a girlfriend who was a professional Dominatrix and we dated for eleven years. I never knew anything about BDSM I just thought it was stuff we did. She kind of kept me in the dark until we broke up and I’d start going on dates and the girls were like “what the hell are you doing?!” and I d have problems and people thought I was weird. I went back to her and she said we weren’t normal and she had to explain it all to me. That was how I got into the lifestyle. And then I was building custom cars and motorcycles for about twenty years. I started finding clubs to go out to and I really didn’t like the stuff I was playing on and thought hey I could do better and started making furniture.

It was probably an easy transition for you since I imagine you were doing upholstery work for cars?

Yes, I do pretty much everything. I do wood metal fabrication I was doing custom cars and motorcycles, I had the mind to do all that stuff. You get tired of waiting for people to make things so I learned how to make them myself.

Great! So you’re almost entirely self-taught or did you have a mentor?

Upholstery stuff I had a teacher in high school. Metal stuff and car stuff I actually got lucky and there was a custom car guy who goes by the name of Ed Roth and I worked for him. He was kind of one of the world famous car builders.

That’s pretty lucky.

Yea well I kind of have the crazy life. I should probably write a book. I grew up in California and built custom cars with Ed Roth. I used to skateboard with the Lords of Dogtown. I grew up with all those guys. It’s been amazing so far.

Of course almost everyone is familiar with the Lords of Dogtown because of the movie now but that’s really incredible that you have such deep roots in LA and California.

Yea I played in a punk rock speed metal band called the Excell for a while too. That was kind of around the time of the suicidal tendencies and punk rock era was going. So I’ve kind of done it all. I’m kind of the proverbial California kid. I’m still running around with some of my best friends Robert and Susan Williams. A lot of the people in the low brow art movement. I’m into a lot of art and things like that.

Were you always a creative and artistic person or was it developed?

Pretty much always. I kind of grew up in a household where my grandfather was a gunsmith and my dad and everyone in my family, my aunts and uncles all did stuff with their hands. My mom worked for Howard Hughes. She made a lot of stuff for him personally for his projects. I was just kind of left alone to do what I wanted to as a kid. My parents were really never around so I was always building something. Or doing something crazy. I was building go carts when I was about five years old and running them down the hills and scaring the neighbor kids. But I’ve always been doing something and when I got into high school I started taking upholstery class. Before that I was doing some sewing class because the punk rock stuff; I wanted to make some money so I was making custom clothes back then with punk rock spikes.

The stuff you couldn’t really get in stores at the time?

No you couldn’t get it. I just happened to get lucky because I was just a kid back in the 80s and I went down to Melrose before it became really big with everybody else and I went to a few stores down there called Let it Rock which was owned by Malcolm McLaren the manager of the Sex Pistols. And then there was another store called Posers and it was like an English punk rock shop. I’d go and buy all the punk rock spikes and go home, sew all that stuff, make a bunch of money then I’d go to Let it Rock and go buy all the crazy rockabilly clothes.

Do you still have any of it?

Oh, I probably have some packed away. (Laughs)

You’ll have to resurrect them soon.

Yea ill probably pull them out and make some patterns and clothes. I’ve always been making something somewhere, goofing up stuff.

When it comes to your dungeon furniture, I know you have had a ton of clients and I’m sure you have a current roster of clients you make things for. What do you think one of the most commonly requested items for dungeon furniture would be?

For professional dungeons, the most common is a table cage I make. It acts as a cage and bondage table as well. Part of it kind of tilts up. That’s really the big seller for most professionals and the second piece would be the horse that I make.

Right, the padded one with the ring attachments?

Yes, and then the crosses and everything else is for lifestyle people that play at home. Professional Dominatrixes for some reason don’t do a lot of flogging. They specialize more in medical play and bondage. My business, its like a lot of people who have tried to get into the furniture business usually fail because its usually guys and usually they make what they would use and its kind of the reverse. Ninety nine percent of my customers are female. I cater to them and I know what they need. I’ve lasted longer I guess or become the household name for furniture because these guys have the wrong attitude when they talk to women. They talk down to them, they just feel they’ve got to be Dominant no matter who they talk to. It’s not about that its just business and they don’t get that but I guess I do and I’m still in business.

Its good that you’re actually in tune with how to operate a business especially in the lifestyle. I think a lot of people get confused and get their wires crossed.

Every once in a great while I get a female Dominant that’s a professional that thinks the world should bow down to them and I’m trying to be nice and say look this a business I’m not your property I’m not in service. But that’s about as far as it goes. Sometimes wires do get crossed. Here at the shop I had a showroom for a while but I got rid of it because I’d get women on FetLife who say he’s got all this furniture and they want to come over and they expect that because I have the furniture I’m going to play with them.

And you’re like, “I’m just trying to sell you this spanking bench.” (Laughs)

It’s kind of hard! Its kind of a big gray area, I really don’t mix business with pleasure. I just tell them, look if you want to try something I’m here at these events and we can do something but right here and now this is a workspace for me. I can’t play. It gets kind of dicey so I start screening anyone who wants to come over here.

Any given year I get about twenty five people that come over here and think I’m a play space of some sort, its kind of strange. And I’ve had people that order stuff and they’ll come over and look at it before I send it off to the powder coater they get kind of nervous so I just let them in the back and say I trust you, do what you want, when you leave lock the door and give me a call because some people are just really nervous.

There’s definitely a very thin line sometimes and people get the wrong idea for whatever reason.

I do custom clothing and movie props. I do stuff for Marvel and music videos for Beyonce and J-lo. I had pieces last year or so on the New York fashion runway. Kind of funny.

You’ve kind of been all over the map then! Not many people can say they work in both BDSM, high fashion, movie business, all of it.

I had a piece of furniture that Dion Neutra, a very famous architect who passed away a few years back but he had these chairs in his houses and we ended up making them. But the original one I made was off his sketches and I still think is in the Guggenheim in New York.

That’s so great! What’s the weirdest and I mean weird even by your standards- the most unusual thing you’ve had to make or build or have been requested to make?

I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve done that yet, I’m pretty twisted! Well, not so weird, I mean most people would think its weird because they’re not in the lifestyle. Its pretty standard stuff. There are some times I try to push the envelope here and there. Nothing too crazy to write about.

Do you have a favorite piece that comes to mind?

Years ago, about when I started doing furniture professionally, I was running into a problem. There was another builder in town and nobody would talk to me I was kind of the black sheep. I would introduce myself and they would say oh you’re that other furniture builder and they wouldn’t talk to me. So I had a bunch of furniture made and I ended up getting contacted by Nina Hartley to bring some furniture to a premier for her. I was thinking all of these people are going to be there, all of the big people in California BDSM so I need to do something out of this world. I sat there and sat there and I was going through the internet and I found this artist that had during the sixties made human furniture. They were mannequins in bondage as chairs, tables and lamps. But I actually went and met him after I made the piece I did and he told me he hated it. It was the greatest point in his career of anything he had ever made but he hated it. It was kind of weird but for me it was the shot heard round the world because people were walking by this piece and they thought it was somebody on all fours but it wasn’t.

I’d made an English style spanking bench but I made it look like somebody encased in latex on all fours with a hood on and people were sitting on it thinking holy shit that’s a piece of furniture. You’re in a nightclub, its dark, you know? But it was enough to make your brain go “what the hell” because it was sitting on these four steel balls, under two of the hands and they’re perched on it, and these steel balls were about six inches around and the feet were on them too. People were thinking how the hell can a person balance themselves on it, it was just enough to break somebody’s brain.

I figured I might as well get all of the attention I can and that’s what I did and it worked. People started talking to me. It was hard. I think in this lifestyle and industry once you become somebody you’re the guy that they go to and if somebody else comes along you got to prove yourself and I think I proved myself.

It sounds like you did a pretty fair job of it. (laughs)

Well I had to think outside of what the other guy was doing otherwise he would say I was just copying what he did. I used to get letters from him saying I was stealing his ideas. But no there was no way. I wrote back and said you’re just mad because I’m doing something that you’re not. Honestly if I wanted to do what you’re doing I would have done it already and could have done it. It took a while. It literally took about four years before people actually talked to me like I was a human being and not the plague. Then nowadays there’s never a shortage of builders, I talk to them, I’m nice to them, their stuff is their stuff mine is mine unless they try to steal or copy it. They usually come and go like I say. They don’t really build anything towards a client base. They build what they want themselves.

I guess its safe to assume your house is pretty decked out with some kinky furniture?

Well, it kind of looks like The Haunted Mansion. The kitchen is like shades of brown and copper and the walls are purple. I hand stenciled skulls. I just finished the chandelier in there with all the battery lit candles. I come home and its like Disneyland. I have a lot of skulls because I like them but I usually paint them to look like artwork, they’re hand painted to so they match the décor so it doesn’t look like a kids room. I just try to take it a step beyond. It’s a work live space so the ceilings are a little bit taller.

Since you’ve been in the lifestyle for a little bit, how do you feel the community has changed from when you first started to now?

Man, its crazy, when I was with my ex for eleven years and got done dating her it was about two years after that when I had the conversation with her because I was wondering why these women were afraid of this. I just thought it was normal stuff. I mean eleven years of having sex and doing all of that stuff, you just think it’s normal! Its different and she explained it to me and I was like ok crap. So that was 1992-93. Back then computers were still not developed there was no Internet. You couldn’t talk to anybody. The only thing that was available was if you could find Threshold which back then was the biggest lifestyle organization that taught you, had classes and parties. I actually got lucky because about three weeks after I had the conversation with my ex, I was in a space that I moved into that was actually the old Howard Hughes building my mom worked in when she was pregnant with me. So I’m in there and I just built this giant robotic scorpion and we did movie props for a while, Star Trek, Batman, Independence Day-all that kind of stuff . This building was 32,000 square feet so I started renting the warehouse out for underground parties. These guys came in while I was in my office. My secretary takes them for a walk and I’m just staring at my chair and I’m just thinking I built that chair with intentions to use it for bondage and then I over hear this guys say, “yea rope should go right through here.” I was thinking these people were in my neighborhood.

You found your people!

Well no, first thing, it was kind of weird for me. They said we need someone to run this party and I thought I can deal with that. I’d never been to a play party that was in my own place of all things. A little bit edgy for me considering it was the biggest party to date, except for the Bondage Ball. This thing had about 800 people show up for it so I saw all kinds of stuff that I had never seen before. When you do something its one thing but when you see someone else do it its like ok that’s what it looks like? It was kind of out there. But those people came and went and I really didn’t get a chance to talk to anybody. They just kind of dealt with everybody in the office. As soon as they left I tried to get their contact info and they didn’t leave any phone numbers.

It took me almost another year until I saw in the LA Weekly an ad for something called Bizarre Bizarre hosted by Threshold. That was almost what DomCon is today. I ended up meeting a lot of people and then ended up becoming a member for the next ten years. During that time, before about the time I joined until a few years later, they still didn’t have a permanent place. I helped them find a place. I actually put together and paid for their first place because once again I wanted a place. I figured ok I can pay to build this and someone else can pay the rent and I can use it when I need it. It just made sense to me. I wasn’t thinking about doing it as a business then. It worked. People started asking can you do this or that and I just kept going with it.

So you helped build and set up the original Threshold?

Yes. That was the first space I ever did.

I had no idea! I recognized some of your furniture in there though.

I took over doing the Bondage Ball out here around 94-95 with Matthew Grimm and Courtney. We’ve been doing that quarterly except for the last year. Just having problems finding venues willing to work with us in Hollywood . It’s kind of on the back burner now. What I’m doing now on top of all that I picked up and started doing a fetish and fantasy thing at the hard rock. I’ve been dong that for three years too. It’s a fun gig. I get to bring all of my stuff out there and I get to go on stage and do stuff. Kind of a challenge.

Yes, a lot of organization I’d imagine.

What’s really hard in Vegas is you’re under the laws of the state which is the rule of thumb; if you leave a mark bigger than your thumb on somebody then they’re going to throw you in jail. If you crack a whip they’re going to haul you in. It’s pretty insane. I have to go early and the cops read you the riot act and they’ll throw me in jail or not depending on whether they like what I’m doing. Its kind of a bit of a showdown. It’s a little bit intimidating but on top of being up there on stage in front of 7000 people its crazy enough you got to deal with that. It’s a lot more stress than doing the Bondage Ball because in LA you can get away with stuff.

It is crazy. We’ve interviewed a couple of people from Vegas and I’ve had a few personal experiences with individuals in Vegas and it’s a really tough community there.

I wish Vegas was a lot better because compared to LA I’ve got projects happening right now that aren’t kink related. The community itself is really weird. I flew out there once, went to a munch and they have 200 RSVP, I walk around and introduce myself, talk to them and say where do you play what do you do and nobody showed up. They say well everyone is really fickle, they don’t get along. You’re telling me that out of 200 people you cant get five into a play space to play? It’s just the strangest place.

So what do you think the future of BDSM looks like?

The future of BDSM, I just think in the future everyone is going to be doing this stuff. You’re slowly going to have communities, but I go to the mall right now and I go into Spencers which is a t-shirt shop and they’ve got whips and floggers so I think the edge is off for now. More accepting I just think. Five or ten years down the line my stuff is probably going to be in everybody’s house.

I like that idea! Let’s petition for that!

I think its just getting more mainstream. I’ve seen it where it was underground when there was no computer access. In the last ten years it’s evolved a million percent. I used to talk to people and my friend who used to be a professional Dominatrix says, well in my lifetime its grown every ten years. It gets better and better. So for now it just seems like this a racecar with an open throttle. Which is good and bad. The Fifty Shades of Gray thing came out and I’d be at a nightclub and I’d watch some guy walk in with a suit and tie and pull out a bullwhip and go well, better take that guy down before he hurts somebody.

Before he rips open someone’s skin

They come in there and start doing stuff and have no education. I tried to get a bunch of my female friends who are professional and well known and said why don’t you take this time and make a career out of educating people. Its got to be a lot easier than doing a session and it could make good money. Nobody seemed to run with it but a lot of the stores picked up on it and started doing it. I just think its going to keep evolving, hopefully for the better.

I think the only people who are going to have a problem are the people who have been in it as long as I have because they all kind of hold onto it like a chunk of dirt. “I was into this, this is mine,” like they invented the stuff. But its been around since the dawn of time. People have been doing something or other, it goes back in history. But some people think they invented it and those guys are crazy too.

(Laughs) Everybody has their own version of crazy

Well they think they’ve got rights to this.

You can contact Downtown Willy directly via his FetLife profile.

anniebear Interviews Tufflove Studios

March 7, 2016 By anniebear Leave a Comment

anniebear: You live in Las Vegas and you run TuffLove Studios. What kind of stuff do you do there?

Well we’re a fetish and kink, dungeon themed studio. Our primary focus is bringing an educational facility to Las Vegas, someplace where we can not only create fetish art but get some education about the BDSM lifestyle.

So you teach classes and it’s a photos space and a play space?

Not a play space. Unfortunately it’s small and there’re too many city ordinances prohibiting play.

Yea I hear Vegas is pretty tough.

Yes.

How long have you been there?

Well the space, we’ve been building out since late 2015. We actually opened in mid December.

Have you had a lot of support? Have people been generally excited about it? How has it been received?

We have gotten a ton of support; but it’s been really weird. It hasn’t come from the areas we expected.

So not necessarily hardcore community based folks but random civilians?

(Laughs) Not from social circles such as FetLife or Collarspace, the places you would expect to find the BDSM lifestylers. It’s actually come from general advertising, Facebook and word of mouth in the Burner (Burning Man) and other artistic communities.

That’s really cool, so you’re getting more of a variety of people it sounds like. Is it introducing people that might be relatively new to it?

Yes, it’s been a really balanced mix of people just learning about the lifestyle, and those who have been actively living in it.

Going back to how things are in Vegas, there seems to be a lot of interesting and unfortunate things going on at the moment there, centered around BDSM, the local law enforcement and governments and the subject of consent. Is that something you can speak on?

Most certainly, it has been very interesting for us. Las Vegas is broken into many different jurisdictions; we decided to set up our business in the actual city of Las Vegas proper and they have some very limiting laws within that jurisdiction. So it’s been a huge challenge just developing a business plan that lies within their guidelines.

Do they stop by the space to talk to you guys or is it just staying under the radar and not attracting too much attention?

We didn’t want to fly under the radar at all. Part of our business plan and model was to be completely up front about what we were doing; and a little bit in your face kind of a strategy rather than hiding. Initially our response from the city planning department was that everything that we were intending to do was perfectly within the law, and allowable in the jurisdiction where we’ve set up our business. Unfortunately what we’ve experienced has been quite the opposite; we did receive a visit from the city licensing department. They interrupted one of our classes based on a complaint that they heard we were running a sex shop, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

We have a zero tolerance policy at our facility on any sexual behavior whatsoever. They interrupted one of our classes and cited us, stating that we weren’t licensed to provide any type of education, that we weren’t an educational facility. They issued us a cease order and then left. They did not make any arrests. They informed us that we didn’t actually break any laws; that if they saw any more marketing targeting BDSM or if they came in and witnessed anything BDSM they would prosecute both criminal and civil so it’s become quite a challenge.

That sounds terrible.

Right, the city has their own definition of what sadomasochistic abuse is and what they told me verbally when they came in was that I can’t even simulate sadomasochism in the form of fettering, so tying anyone up, binding them, putting a collar on them putting them in a cage; Any type of flagellation, so flogging, spanking, paddling, caning and any type of torture. They told me even if I simulate these acts while producing visual media, or photography then I would be arrested for sadomasochistic abuse.

Got it. So do you guys have a game plan for circumventing this or what do you think the next steps are going to be?

Well our business model was to produce fetish, kink or BDSM themed imagery, coupled with a center that has education on those topics. We also have a small retail section in the store; however, with the city threatening both my loss of freedom and loss of finances I can’t continue with the business model. We have actually closed our doors. We’ve been closed for two weeks now [at the time of this interview]. We were open for business for a grand total of three weeks. We held three classes and I’m actually forced to rent, and sublease space from other studios in town to fulfill contracts that I have with clients. Which was amazing; we opened up and got some wonderful clients right out the gate, and picked up some great contracts. Unfortunately we can’t fulfill those contracts at that space, with the police threatening to come and harass us for doing so.

Right, do you think it was someone within the community that might have complained?

It’s hard to say. I know there are some well-established groups within the Las Vegas fetish community that are rather reluctant to help in any type of community effort to have governmental support of our BDSM lifestyle. They’d rather sit on the sidelines saying “They’re gonna get in trouble!” As soon as I announced my intent I started getting a lot of flak on the FetLife message boards and forums about opening up another “sex dungeon” or “sex shop” in Las Vegas. I’ve been fighting both the FetLife.com admin, and these other group owners to get these slanderous statements removed from the FetLife social community pages, and my efforts have failed. These statements have been allowed to stay on FetLife for months; I can’t help but suspect that those types of statements have contributed to the city’s suspicions that we were going to be operating a sex shop. They came in stating that they received a complaint and, used the exact same verbiage that we were seeing from these individuals from social media pages; so I can’t help but suspect that, that contributed to it. But we also can’t blame those people for it; Plain and simple, we did advertise that we were going to be teaching BDSM topics. We sell impact toys at our location. There’s enough in our advertising and marketing plan to validate the city believing that we were somehow affiliated with BDSM. It’s not a big stretch.

The problem we’re dealing with and the fight we’re planning on taking to the city and hopefully to the Supreme Court is; that we are not a play space, we are an artistic venue. We’re a photography studio, where we create art. We simulate acts for the artistic benefit, so that we can share these visual images with people. In our country we’re protected by our First Amendment rights to depict such forms of art and to create such forms of art; so for the city of Las Vegas to write ordinances-the ordinance itself doesn’t state anything about creating art. It’s actually the city business licensing office wrongfully using this ordinance as their reason and citing us based on this ordinance that’s written around sadomasochistic abuse and stating that by making this art we’re abusing people. We’re committing a crime.

So they’re sort of interpreting the ordinance to sort of suit this situation and its incorrect interpretation?

Correct. I don’t doubt that if I were charged with a crime and I sat in front of a judge, that judge would dismiss the charges based on my First Amendment rights. However, that doesn’t stop the city and the police department from coming in on a regular basis, harassing me, harassing my clients, interrupting photos shoots and classes, and no business can effectively operate that way. What they’re doing now is, harassing me to the point where I just have to shut down.

It’s more of a safety hazard in the end too. You don’t want to put yourself at risk or anybody else.

It’s mostly a privacy issue. Nobody wants to be harassed regularly by law enforcement and in the state of Nevada there isn’t a law protecting BDSM activities. There isn’t any law in the books in most states, I’ve found in my research. Most states don’t have any protection for people who participate in BDSM related activities. Since some of the things some people participate in are actually against the law in their jurisdictions, nobody wants to get that target put on their chest so to speak. So, even if they’re at a class on protocols, or something unrelated to a criminal activity, and the police walk in and take pictures and video of everyone in attendance it becomes a huge privacy issue that nobody wants to deal with. That’s exactly what happened when they came in. They came in, stated they were there for an inspection, it was 9:30pm on a Friday evening, they came in videotaping and they videoed everyone in the facility, did not announce they were videotaping, didn’t ask permission, and when people noticed they said “hey don’t video tape me.” They [the police] said “you don’t have to be here you can leave” but did not allow them the time to leave the space before they started videotaping. So it was really an uncomfortable situation.

Well keep us posted on how things progress and let us know if we can help in any way.

We’re reaching out to everyone we can right now. We’ve contacted the National Coalition of Sexual freedoms, we’ve contacted the Civil Liberties Union, and we’re just reaching out to everyone right now and saying “hey lets change some things around here.” One of the biggest issues that I see or rather the biggest hypocrisy I see, is when government bodies start interfering with BDSM activities, there’s an ordinance in the city of Las Vegas that actually describes sadomasochistic abuse by using the description of what the abuser is wearing, which is such an unconstitutional law; to say this law applies only to someone who is wearing this type of an outfit. Anyone else can do these things pretty much, is what it’s saying. I think the reason for that is, in the state of Nevada it’s legal to spank your child, and it’s legal to slap your child for discipline. If we can physically discipline our children, why can’t we physically discipline our partners who are consenting to it? Then you get the big argument from the courts that you can’t consent to harm; the hypocrisy there is when you look in professional sports, and Las Vegas has some of the most brutal professional sports on the planet. We have MMA contests here, and boxing events, where these adults consent to harm all of the time. So they allow these things to take place when it’s convenient for them, when they decide it’s socially acceptable but when consenting adults that decide they want to participate in activities where they actually find pleasure or grow from it; because the government bodies don’t understand these activities or don’t want to take the time to understand, they just violate our First Amendment rights. That’s just a softer easier way for them to deal with it. So we’re going to work on a national campaign to try and change this viewpoint of BDSM nationally, so we can start living our lives and not hiding.

That sounds great! We’re here to support! I think a lot of us here in Los Angeles take our lifestyle for granted because we can pretty much do whatever we want and we have a lot of really established dungeons and play spaces here. It pains me to think that the struggle is so hard in other areas of the US. On a personal level, how did you first get into the lifestyle?

It was actually a little bit comical; I was on a dating website and I was reading someone’s profile, they were describing that they were a baby girl and there were some BDSM undertones in their profile description. I contacted this person and shared that; I think I might be a Daddy, because my whole life I’ve had these very nurturing, mentoring qualities. I always just wanted to help people and guide people and when I read this profile it was the first time I had seen the counterpart to what I felt I was my whole life; but I never knew what it meant or what it was. This person responded and we started talking and exploring a little bit about what the Daddy/baby girl or little girl relationship was in the BDSM realm. It just really triggered the research on my end and I started diving in and learning everything there is about BDSM. My journey began very, very strictly from a nurturing viewpoint, I was just a Daddy and I was researching that part; then it started growing and evolving. I found out so much more about myself that I never knew. A lot of things that I think a lot of us repress throughout our lives because of the external moral and ethical influences we get from our families, communities, churches, schools and social media. Everywhere we go we have all this external influence telling us what’s good and bad. Because of meeting this person online I started breaking down those walls and barriers, and looking at things from an internal perspective of no longer letting people outside of me decide what was good and bad or right or wrong and really questioning from the inside. It began this wonderful journey for me.

That’s a really great story. I’ve never heard that version before. You know you hear everybody’s origin story so yours seems to be more of a gentler intro into it if you will.

It was quite beautiful.

And you seem to be into the leather scene quite a bit?

Once I started exploring, one of the things I really became attracted to was the philosophy of a group within a society that kind of has a higher level of accountability. In the kink society I really believe that the leather lifestylers are those people. They are the people who say; we’re going to hold ourselves and those around us accountable for our actions. We’re going to live and walk in honor, we’re going to create protocols and structure and we’re going to define what it is we do, even if it’s not a universal definition. I’ve found in the leather lifestylers a group of people who were more willing to say “Hey this is what I am and I’m going to dissect myself, define myself, and then regurgitate that all out for you, so you know exactly what to expect from me” and I really loved that concept in the leather lifestyle. The deep self-exploration and self-knowledge; they were the first people in any type of lifestyle situation that I ran across that you could walk up to, ask them specifically “what makes you tick?” and, they can answer with very detailed responses. You can walk away from that knowing exactly what to expect from that person. So that’s what really attracted me to the leather community at first.

What I’ve found unfortunately, in the Las Vegas area is, it’s more of a concept rather than an active application of lifestyle. I haven’t found the leather clubs in Las Vegas to be what leather clubs were introduced to me and defined to me as being, and what I’ve expected them to be, so I’m still a little bit on the edge. I love that high protocol structured type of living, but I haven’t quite found it. I haven’t found a leather club that I feel like I can be a part of; that I want to be a part of and put my name on and put their name on me. I have joined the National Leather Association International because they’re a large group, that is international and they have that level of accountability. I like the fact that my affiliation with them holds me accountable outside of my little group that I hang out with, outside of the typical Las Vegas community that I play with, outside of Nevada where I live. It’s more of a higher calling. If I do something I’m held to this level of accountability, and I really like that idea especially with what we do in the kink realm. I like the idea of having someone looking at us as individuals and saying hey, what you did here is not acceptable, even in the kink communities. We cross so many lines and we do so many things that are such taboo acts and questionable to begin with, that I think we need that level of accountability within our community just to protect people, especially new people. The Fifty Shades of Gray movement going on right now and the new waves of people coming in and exploring; it’s so easy for them to be taken advantage of and to be taught wrong, to be harmed both physically and emotionally. I just think it’s so important to have that higher level of accountability. It’s saying, “This was a malicious act that was done without consent, we’re not going to tolerate it.”

In that same vein what would you offer in the way of advice for people just starting out in the lifestyle?

Brand new people, take it slow! However old you are when you got into this and started exploring, I’m going to assume you’ve spent at least eighteen years of life before venturing off and exploring this. Take a bit more time. Don’t dive in headfirst. I think the biggest thing I would say is go out and find the people that you want to explore with and learn from, and stay away from the people that are trying to teach you and force feed you what BDSM and kink lifestyle is. I think those are big red flags. If someone is pursuing you as a newcomer and trying to tell you what is right and what is wrong and really customize your experience, those are the people you need to run away from. I believe that kink is something we’re attracted to. It’s not something that is done by emotion so it’s really important to find the things that attract you and the people you’re attracted to and you pursue them. Find your own path through asking questions, through creating experiences.

If you’re interested in helping Josh and Sarah fight discrimination please donate here. They are also seeking legal counsel. If you’re able to help, please email Tufflovetoys@gmail.com.

anniebear Interviews Tara from The Black Room

February 15, 2016 By anniebear 1 Comment

On our recent trip to Las Vegas for the AVNs, we sat down with Tara, manager of The Black Room a fetish leather store in the area. We talked about all things Vegas, dating, and the BDSM scene abroad.

anniebear: Your store The Black Room is kind of a fixture here in Las Vegas and I know you get a lot of tourist traffic as well and you and Franz are local community/BDSM figureheads?

Tara: To a degree. Not as much as some people think. In the last few years we have made more in roads but sadly in Vegas its very divisive. And we have found that when you kind of get involved with one thing even if you’re doing it with the best of intentions another group will be upset with that so to make everyone happy we really do keep our distance. That’s why we don’t really affiliate with a single group here or there. It’s a very unique place Vegas. And the community as I said there’re all these little niches and you just try to make everyone happy. I found that that’s really hard to do because last year at this time I had a dungeon here in town. And sadly it closed and I’m not angry about it but I am disappointed about it but I really never had any local community support to keep it going, which I found very surprising. I really did. I really thought- I don’t want to say you build it they will come but I thought it would have had more local people than I did.

Dexx: That was Faust right? Can you tell us more about that?

The idea behind Faust was I always wanted a dungeon based on a European model. I’d been to many places in Germany and Holland and things like and what we wanted to do was give a place to play that people who were new to the scene or very much into it or very experienced could come to a place that was for fetish only. Faust was not a sex club. It wasn’t like a lot of the other places here. That’s fine that’s there thing but that’s not what we were about. We were about play. When we opened, we had a fantastic opening night I mean it was brilliant and we had an 8000 square foot place. I had a building that was 20,000 square feet and I had plans to expand if things had gone well and I really had this idea of doing it the way no one had ever done it before I mean it was much more than just having a cross here a flogging table there. I really had a lot of stuff planned. But I invested quite a bit of my own money, what I could afford. I had a partner from Belgium, Roger Muiller. Roger and I both had that same vision. And if you go on Faust on Facebook, I still have my site up and you can see photos of it. We had a really wonderful lounge area where people could just relax before they played or after just to get them in the mood or to wind down. In the lounge area no play was allowed-but it didn’t work here in town. I think part of it, like I said lack of community support and part is because I had to be very careful how I advertised. The city didn’t give me a hard time. But in this city you also have to be very careful how you do things. And if I’d have been like in your face kind of like a lot of the nightclubs are they would have shut me down quick. So I was trying to work under the radar but again metro knew about me metro came in on a number of occasions, never had a problem with it but it was a glorious failure as I’d like to say.

anniebear: I did visit the space it was beautiful.

You know I had some interesting nights. I wont deny it. I did have great memories but it just didn’t work.

anniebear: And how did The Black Room come about?

[The Black Room] owner Franz, he had this place in Irvine, CA. He was there for fifteen years and he had it in the back of a jewelry store his wife owned and was quite successful. But it was much more of a local community kind of little shop. His wife sadly passed from leukemia in 2010 and he came out here. He started in October 2010 here with basically all he had which was whatever he had placed in storage because he had closed the business to take care of his wife. So we had that and I came on about four months after he opened. And we just tried everything you can think of for advertising, we had some pieces that we brought in here that we thought would be great sellers, didn’t sell at all. Other things that we knocked heads about, sometimes he was right sometimes I was right. (laughs) For instance late last year we instituted a line of adult baby and it is flying off our website! We cannot keep stuff in fast enough. We get lots of hate letters from people who are waiting and we’re trying to get stuff in as fast as we can!

anniebear: I thought you were going say you get hate letters from people saying that they’re against the store (laughs)

Yes, they’re just in tears (laughs). Now I have nothing against infantile play, its great people love it but I didn’t think it was as popular as it is. And that surprised me, happily. That has really taken off for us, we I think have a good reputation on the quality of stuff that we sell. We try to bring in as much from Europe as possible. I won’t deny that we do have a little bit of what I would call inferior quality for beginners. Because obviously beginners don’t want to spend a lot of money but I still want to sell to them so I bring in the “fifty shades of gray” line, the stuff that’s very basic. You may get one or two uses out of it. You may buy a flogger that costs you $10 and the purist in me doesn’t want to sell it I hate it but business is business and it does sell. But for those who are more knowledgeable or have more experience they really do like our stuff and that makes me very happy. I am one of those people I won’t sell something to you if I just don’t think you’re ready for it. And I will tell people that straight to their face, you’re not ready for this. If you really really want it I’ll sell it to you but if you’re asking my opinion you’re not ready for that. And I think that has shown that we’re very honest with our customers.

I read things on Yelp and it’s usually nice things but somebody wrote one time that they said, “I came in there a stranger and I walked out a friend.” And that that makes me happy because those are customers which are going to come back. Even with tourists I won’t just sell something to a tourist thinging, “well I’ll never see them again.” And that have proved to be nice because we have had a lot of return people. I’ve had people from Australia, New Zealand, even Germany that will come here and will say we came to Vegas, yea we’re going to have the “Vegas experience” but our first stop was your store. That really makes me feel good because that tells me we’re doing something right.

Do we make mistakes of course, do we get people mad at us of course. That’s business. Its like I was trying to tell Franz one day the more you sell online the more you’re opening yourself up to criticism because he hates to see criticism but you have to roll with the punches. I say if you’re selling ten pieces and you get one complaint, it’s 10% of your business. If you’re selling 100 pieces and get 10 complains its still only 10%. So you have t look at it in that perspective.

anniebear: How did you meet Franz then?

It was funny, I had come back from Ireland. I’d come here in the early 2000’s got a little homesick and went home. Then the economy crashed in Ireland and I thought well there’s no way I want to stay here and live on the dole so I came back to Las Vegas, I have family here. And I was actually working in a sex club as a bartender. It was very funny because a sex club is not my personal kind of thing and I just stood behind the bar and it was just a meeting place. I always had people say they came in there just to come talk to me even if they never got lucky in the club they still had a good time because you know I have a talent, if you would for making people laugh.

anniebear: I’m sure you make a great bartender.

I met Franz, he came in one time. We got talking and then he had come in a few other times and we just hit it off. And he said to me “if you ever want to come work for me let me know and I’ll hire you on the spot.” And I said “yea ok thanks, etc.” I finally had gotten tired of the club it wasn’t me and it wears on you those places always do just like I always hear escorts say they can do it for so long and then just burn out. I was in this [BDSM] world myself as a player and I’d been a pro-Domme for more years than I care to admit but he found out I was no longer working there and I didn’t contact him or anything but he gave me a call one day and said do you want to come work for me and I said yes!

anniebear: And do you usually get along?

It’s funny because you know believe me we have some knock down drag outs but what’s really good is that we do leave it at business. Before he had his new fiancé, many times we would go out on a Saturday night after work and go to dinner and go do some karaoke or something. He’s like a big brother. And Franz is very knowledgeable, he has some really good contacts in Germany and because of that Franz gets his stuff direct and it eliminates a middle man which obviously gives us the ability to sell stuff at really what I consider reasonable prices. We have very much beginner stuff that’s very cheap and we have some really high end stuff and it can be expensive. But for the most part if you look at the pieces and the quality of it it’s reasonable.

anniebear: Have you spent much time in Germany?

I have been there on a number of occasions but I’ve never lived there. The last time was in 2001. I had to visit the Kit Cat club and if you haven’t been go!

anniebear: When you were a professional Dominatrix, that was in Ireland?

No that was in Holland. I was very much my own enterprise. I never believed in working under other people like that because the more people that are about the more likely you’re going to get in trouble. Just like if I did it here I wouldn’t do it as a group or under anybody else or have a website because the police troll those things in Vegas. Even though no sex is involved, if they want to bust you they will. But I had very interesting clients in Holland. It was a little bit different, the late 80s early 90s, tastes changes just like styles change but I when I was doing it it was much more what people would call the run of the mill play. I never had anything really unusual, in my mind. I’m sure a lot of the stuff to vanilla people would seem unusual but it was –your basic floggings, whippings, anal play, CBT, piercings, things like that. I had basic clients, some people who were local politicians at the time. That was the biggest thing I always noticed. It always amazes me how many professional people are in this lifestyle, maybe because they’re more open minded or have more time or funds, I don’t really know. Most of the people that I knew in Holland were very much professional people.

anniebear: We’re always interested in hearing about what the scene is like in other cities and countries.

In Europe what surprises me too, Vegas is such a visual town when you go it’s “I’m in Vegas I’m going to do myself up,” it surprises me when I first came here you see that we [at The Black Room] are more about fashion and clothing than we are about equipment though we have been bringing that part of it too. It really surprises me about the number of people who are local that really don’t dress up and for us when you went to a dungeon or club that’s what it was all about. I mean yes everybody played but you saw the stereotype people, in corsets the men in suits, special rubber suits or leather or latex, masks. And you really don’t get that here. The most you seem to get is people who will wear a black t-shirt maybe biker boots and a vest as far as the men go. A lot of the women just get naked which is fine to each their own. But in Europe it was all about the image was part of the fantasy. Part of the atmosphere of the club that’s really lacking here.

anniebear: In LA I feel that people dress.

Dexx: It varies from event to event, but some people do.

anniebear: It seems like Vegas has a lot of old school players or people that have been in the scene for years and years and don’t really deviate much from those rules to the point of not being inclusive.

They do and people have a right to do and believe what they want. I don’t have any issue with that. What I don’t like and I’m just speaking for me personally, I’ve never sat there and called out anybody on this, what I don’t like is how many times I’ll hear the chatter online that if you don’t do it this way or that way you’re just dabbling your not really serious. Or you don’t know what lifestyle play is all about. Who anointed them the “S & M guardian.” To me if you’re thing is getting tied to the bed and getting spanked a few times before you engage in sexual play, if that’s your kink then that’s your kink and there’s nothing wrong with that. So I really don’t like when people do that. And I hear a lot of that. I don’t know if goes on like that in LA but I just saw so much criticism about the way people play. I get annoyed when I hear some club say we’re a male dominated society and our group is all about male dominance. Ok that’s fine I don’t have problem with that but for somebody who is new to the scene or doesn’t understand it when they come to their group, they’ll turn around and insult them, “oh you’re a switch or a male submissive get out of here.” That’s just rude, I’m sorry. I always thought we were about educating each other as much as the pubic at large and I hear a lot of that.

anniebear : What advice would give to someone brand new starting out exploring the lifestyle?

Be careful. Ask loads of questions; don’t be afraid to ask questions. I also say that if there’s something you are interested in, try to find people that you first trust and who know a bit about what it is you’re interested in. And let’s say for instance you’re into electrical play, play with more than one person. If possible-I’m going from the aspect that you’re not attached to anybody. You find somebody you trust, you play. If you really like it fantastic. If it’s not what you thought it was don’t just discount it. Try somebody else and see how they do it because everyone is different in their techniques. So you may find, ok I like it but that first person just wasn’t good at it or you may try it with two or three different people and you just don’t like the experience. You say ok that’s not for me. Use your head, just be intelligent. I’d like to think that most people that get into this are fairly intelligent. Someone who’s willing to be submissive say, wouldn’t play with someone without asking questions. It’s a dangerous pastime if you don’t take your precautions. Just ask loads of questions and be smart and if something in your head says this isn’t right you stop, walk away. Don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anyone.

For somebody who is new I’m always leery of the people that say “I don’t do the munch thing because I find them to be ridiculous” that kind of red flags me. When people around these public sites say that. Not that you have to do a munch but the great thing about them is if you’re a regular attendee most people kind of know you and you know them so if you’re somebody new and you can meet them at a munch and ask around. It lays the ground work.

Dexx: What do you think it’ll take before Vegas could have another public dungeon again?

Well, Franz and I have talked about this and we have a plan in place if the cards fall properly. We would love to do something in the space next door to us. We would like to turn it into a weekend play space. I think what it takes is it’s hard –the most ideal way to do it in this city is in a private residence. But the trouble with most private residences is that if you want the perfect place it’s going to cost a ton of money to rent and the trouble is with most houses is the rooms are too small. And then there’s parking or upset the other residences. It’s tough. It’s a shame that Vegas is a little bit tight assed but they are. I always laugh and jokingly say this town loves the nickname but they don’t like the actuality. Yea we’re Sin City the adult playground of the world. Come spend your money but you can’t do that you cant do that.

Dexx: Keep your panties on there! (laughs)

Like the AVNs it’s a porn star thing or the Fetish and Fantasy Ball and everyone knows what its about and yet people get so bent out of shape when they see boobs, even if the nipples are covered, they see boobs; and oh my God! It’s what it’s about.

anniebear: It’s the American way to have that reaction.

You know Ireland is still a very conservative place and they say oh you have such freedom in Vegas you can do what you want and I’m like really? I can get in better trouble in Dublin than here. It is what it is.

anniebear: So, are you seeing anybody right now?

No I’m not and it’s hard for a number of reasons and you’re going to laugh at this. I just like regular run of the mill, straight fellas and I’m a post op so it’s hard to find regular straight fellas who are A) comfortable with my past, B) are at least interested in this lifestyle, or C) because they know I work here it scares the hell out of them. Its like oh I don’t think I could handle her. She’s gonna be too much or too wild for me.

anniebear: Are you a switch do you prefer domination?

To say I’m not would be a lie, I am a switch but the way I say that is I do pro Domme occasionally. I do have some clients that come into town a few times a year, not a ton. But for my own personal play I’m a bottom. I can do the Domme role, I’m good at it but I don’t get the excitement I get out of being a submissive.

Dexx: Are the Germans as kinky as their reputation would suggest?

Yes. It’s a good thing! Franz said this once to me and I don’t know if he was really joking about it or meant it-the Germans when they approach their business, the business days are very straight forward, very proper, all the T’s are crossed, everything is efficiency. So I think when they have their down time according to Franz he says that’s when we let our hair down and that does make sense because I do have loads of friends who are Germans and they’re kinkiest you’ve ever met. They don’t broadcast it but they don’t conceal it, where I have friends who are really kinky in Ireland, I mean Irish men are trust me the kinkiest things going but they all deny it.

Kinky fun at the 2016 AVNs, Las Vegas

January 25, 2016 By Desdemona 3 Comments

The AVN expo and awards took place in Las Vegas over the past week. anniebear and I had the pleasure of attending for the first time.

Hosted at the Hard Rock Hotel, the event is at it’s heart a porn industry event, but it does have some BDSM elements as well, which is of course what we were most interested in checking out.

The expo is big enough that it sprawls across three large halls. Porn producers and stars filled many of the booth spaces, with opportunities for attendees to meet and take pictures with their favorite performers. Virtual Reality (VR) porn was heavily featured, suggesting that goggle wearing 3D video may be the future of the industry.

Upstairs, “The Lair” offered a section of the exhibition dedicated to fetish and BDSM. Coordinated by Sanctuary’s Mistress Cyan, vendors and kinksters from Vegas and across America came to offer their wares. With play spaces at either end, there were scheduled performances and workshops throughout the expo, including rope and whip displays. There was even time for anniebear to get a quick demo from Leather by Danny and Scott at Flogger Knows best. She’s never one to turn down some “funishment.”

On the main stage, we were treated to a stage show by Stockroom’s cabaret crew, led by the fabulous Hudsy Hawn. My personal favorite involved some advanced pet-play, with Skin Diamond playing the part of a very sexy kitty who got the cream… and then poured it all over herself (bottles and bottles of the stuff) before splashing around in it and making a great big creamy mess all over the stage.

Skin Diamond, the kitty who got the cream

Back in the exhibit hall, we came across some cool booths. One vendor, Rubber Nipple catering to age play on a whole new level, with adult sized pacifiers, cute adult sized diapers, and a giant inflatable crib. anniebear couldn’t resist jumping in a for a little nap.

Just across the way, a leather craft store visiting from New York, Touch of Fur offered high quality floggers and live demonstrations. The owner was kind enough to give anniebear a good old flogging (was that her second or third for the day?), before teaching me some new tricks. I was finally able to get the hang of the double Florentine, something I intend to keep practicing with anniebear… regularly.

As we walked past the Clips4Sale booth, performer Ashley Fires spotted us and beckoned anniebear over to offer her a public spanking in front of the watching crowd. Well, it’s not every day that you get offered a spanking by a hot porn star, so we of course obliged her and anniebear enjoyed a wonderful little play scene with Ashley and her friends.

Mid-spank with the girls. — anniebear mid-spank with the Ashley Fires and friends

There were many parties on throughout the week, all with wonderful themes and all sorts of interesting folks. The one we were most interested in was of course The Lair Fetish party at Club Vinyl hosted by House Ravynblood. This was where all the kinky crowd were to be found, and it featured stage performances including the hilarious Sir Gear, and the captivating Emily Marilyn. There was a who’s who of notable kinksters in attendance, including Ken Marcus, Mistress Cyan and Master Eragon.

On Saturday evening, we met up with Playboy Radio who were kind enough to do a live on air interview with anniebear and myself about Kink Weekly. They were very interested to learn more about the BDSM community, and we hope that some of their listeners will make 2016 the year that they decide to more fully explore their kinky side.

Playboy Radio in progress with Mike, Holly, and some bunnies. — Playboy Radio in progress with Michael, Holli, and some bunnies.

Saturday night brought the culmination of the show and the main event – the AVN Awards themselves.

Fans and press flocked to the Hard Rock hotel to catch glimpses of their favorite stars – for once dressed up to the nines in fabulous outfits. Everyone was so beautiful and well dressed, one observer noted that it would be difficult to tell the difference between the AVN red carpet and that of the Oscars.

The awards ceremony was hosted by well known adult actresses Annika Albright and Joanna Angel. The pair did not fail to disappoint, even performing a song and dance number “That’s what porn’s all about”.

When it came to the awards themselves, kink had a good night. BDSM flick “The Submission of Emma Marx: Boundaries” cleaned up with four awards, including Best Actress (Penny Pax) and Best Screenplay. Meanwhile, Kink.com took the award for “best alternative website”.

Performer James Deen took a diminished role compared with previous years. Nominated for 33 awards, he was all charm and smiles on the red carpet. However, Deen has been mired in accusations of rape and abuse – first by ex-girlfriend and fellow performer Stoya in November of 2015, and then by a series of other female co-stars. In the end, in taking only two minor groups awards, he did not appear on stage – the award committee no doubt keen to avoid being overtly associated with him amidst the storm of allegations.

Myself and anniebear are now back in Los Angeles, recuperating from a most eventful weekend in Las Vegas. I think it’s safe to say it was one for the books.

Writer, photographer, hedonist, Dom. After years of at-home BDSM, Dexx finally embraced the kink community and met many fantastic fellow kinksters in the scene. Along the way, it occurred to him that it would be just super if there was a magazine-style web site which catered to people interested in BDSM, and he recruited some of his friends to help create it.

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