With Mistress Cyan’s DomConLA coming up this week, it might be time to discuss the growing number of Pro Dommes in our community. Of course, as the popularity of DomCon has exploded over the years, it is not only for Dommes anymore. There are people attending from every part of the BDSM spectrum. That is what makes it fun. Still, the most obvious BDSMers are the Dommes, both pro and lifestyle – after all, who can ignore latex clad Dommes in their nine inch stiletto heels?!!! In this article, I will concentrate on the Pro Dommes, as they are making their presence known on all social media – especially Twitter.
Pro Dommes. Now here is a BDSM subject that is rarely written about. Yet, professional Dommes and bondage go together like chocolate chips and ice cream. Just go to any lifestyle convention – like DomCon in both Los Angeles and New Orleans — and you will see more pro Dommes than you can shake a stick (or cane) at. Not only are pro Dommes plentiful, but – given their sexsational outfits – they are among the most flamboyant and hot members of our community. And they are one part of our community that keeps many D/s protocols alive. If we had to depend on the Fifty Shades people…need I say more?
The reason for this article isn’t to hawk the wares of pro Dommes (they do a fine job, thank you), but rather to spotlight another service other than just giving a sub a beating he/she can’t get conveniently at home. (Although this is a rather popular aspect of pro Dommery!)
I am often asked, “How does one learn about BDSM play?” Obviously, reading the articles on kinkweekly.com, going to a commercial dungeon, being mentored and talking to people in the lifestyle are the best ways. There is, however, another often overlooked approach to “learning the ropes” – going to a pro Domme. Let me explain.
Let’s say you are a newbie Dom and sub. By hiring a pro Domme, you can see exactly how a professional Top uses the tools of torment in a safe and controlled environment; you can learn how to properly scene by experiencing it upfront and personal.
I recommend you only hire a professional who works out of a reputable dungeon, or one with references or one you connect with at DomConLA! One advantage of a convention is that there are many Dommes to choose from and you can meet them face-to-face. You can also ask lots of questions – and asking questions is the best way to get an understanding of any subject.
Working with a pro Domme is not only a unique — and fun — way of learning for a beginner, but it can also work for the more advanced player. As every Dominatrix has a specialty, you can hire one who is an expert in an advanced area – such as edge play – that you want to learn. I personally know a Master who learned needle play from a pro Domme. You do not have to become the Pro Domme’s submissive to hire her; you can pay for her time just to learn. Just ask and you will find out if this arrangement is acceptable.
If you are wondering why I say pro Domme and not pro Dom, it is because there are not a lot of pro Doms floating around. Sorry guys, the fantasy of making a living by spanking women for a fee is a hard one to fulfill. And, though there are a few professional Doms around (many are riggers for BDSM photo shoots), most dungeons specialize in pro Dommes. Such is life.
This is but a small preview of DomConLA – and in it I offered a new way to approach Pro Dommes to expand your BDSM experience. Obviously, not every Pro Domme will agree to be a “mentor for hire.” But as I said in last week’s article, “One size does not fit all.”
I might add an invitation: if you are attending DomConLA this week, I will be hosting a panel discussion (shameless plug) on “Are We All Switches?” at the convention next Saturday at 6 PM.
It is a live extension of my kinkweekly.com article of the same name. In it I opened:
“I think that, in our modern society, it is nearly impossible for anyone to be Dominant 24/7. For example, many Dom/mes work for corporations and thus – unless they own the firm – have a boss. When Dominants, no matter how Toppy, are told at the DMV, “Go to this line,” chances are they will comply. Get a call from the IRS, they will jump like a submissive hit with a single tail. Get stopped by a cop for a ticket, who becomes submissive? Thus, most Dom/mes, whether they admit it or not, have “submissive events” in their lives.”
Join the discussion. It should be informative, entertaining and fun!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.