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Part 2: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

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Last week (click here for article), I briefly touched on how being a slave can reduce anxiety. This week, I would like to go further into this topic.

As I mentioned previously, my anxiety was one of the major reasons that we decided to enter into this kind of dynamic. I was afraid that without my Master’s complete control and guidance my anxiety would overtake me for the worst.

Because I know how scary anxiety can be, I genuinely want to give people tools that can help reduce their anxiety within the structure of M/S.

A few major anxiety relievers are the structure and routines our M/S relationship provides for me. Routines such as collaring me each morning, greeting my Master in a particular way, having set daily tasks, presenting dinner to him in a certain fashion etc. eliminates a lot of my anxiety. My anxiety stems mostly from fear of the unknown. So, having so many things in place I can depend on truly helps to lessen my anxiety’s hold on me.

I would encourage any Master who has a slave who suffers from anxiety to think about your schedule and your slave’s. After careful consideration of both schedules, put in a decent amount of structure and routines that the slave can rely on.

However, please also keep in mind that too much structure can make a slave become more anxious. Too much structure and routine can become overwhelming. Masters need to find a nice balance for their slaves between routine and free time (time where the slave can just be and do whatever they would like as long as it does not violate any of her/his rules).

The Sweet Spot

When implementing routines and structure, you need to find the “sweet spot” (where it helps keep the slave’s anxiety at bay, while not overwhelming them). Remember, all structure and routines must benefit the slave, Master, and the relationship in some way. Never give your slave tasks to do just to keep him or her busy. Slaves want to feel valuable.

The routines must also be realistic and be able to be done consistently. After all, the whole point of adding structure to your relationship is so both parties can have something they can depend on and look forward to.

If you find that a routine or piece of your dynamic’s structure isn’t working, schedule time with your partner(s) to sit down and come up with a new plan of action. The plan could be coming up with something new or tweaking what you already have established. Whatever you decide to do set a time that works well for all parties involved to discuss how these changes are working out.

I hope this has been helpful. Next week, I will talk about specific anxiety-reducing protocols. Please feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Part 1: How Slavery Can Reduce Anxiety

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For as long as I can remember I have dealt with various forms of generalized anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. Before I became a slave or even knew what a slave was, I tried to deal with my various mental problems/hang ups in unhealthy ways.

I chose the vanilla route and copied what all the other college kids were doing around me. No one stopped me and said, “What you are doing will never help you.” Because of this, I just kept on going down the vanilla path, hoping that something would give and I would get better.

When I met my Master, I knew I wanted to make some serious changes. I knew I didn’t want to be riddled with so much anxiety and fear on a daily basis. I realized that life is too short for that, especially now that I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I Couldn’t Control My Own Anxiety

I also realized that I was not at a point where I could take control of my anxiety by myself. I needed my Master to take control of it to a certain degree, and to work with me on it just as much as I was.

I know this might sound selfish on my part, and maybe it was, but it was what I needed at the time and knew I was too weak to face my mental disorders alone.

This is honestly how we got into our M/S dynamic officially. I was stressed about something that in retrospect now seems quite trivial. My Master came home from work to find me nearly breaking down. This kind of thing had happened before, and I knew I never wanted to greet my Master with kind of meltdown again.

I told him, “I have been trying to battle this on my own for years, and you are stronger than me, wiser than me, have more experience than me, and are more stable than me. Can you please take control of my life because I know at this point I am too unstable to?”

He agreed but didn’t know if I was entirely serious or not. The next day I began writing down all the rules we had already established and began researching more into the M/S dynamic. I was amazed at how much we had already been doing that would be considered M/S. We just weren’t labeling it as anything.

After a few weeks of talking and researching, we both realized that M/S was the right choice for us.

The moment I asked my Master to take ownership of me was the most humbling and meaningful moment of my life. All my life I had been trying to face my problems alone without knowing how to face them. Just the fact that my Master accepted the challenge I had presented him with reduced my anxiety.

Being my Master’s slave has helped my anxiety so much because I no longer have to worry about decisions concerning me. Because of this, I can more easily focus on the tasks that I want to get done.

Our M/S relationship also helps to prevent new stressors from occurring. My Master has to approve everything I do. So as long as I am following his orders and rules, I know that I never have to feel any anxiety concerning us.

My Master also takes an active role in my recovery.

We have rules that specifically target my anxiety and OCD. I am often given assignments to complete and reading to do. I also attend therapy regularly. My Master oversees my entire physical and mental health, which also helps to put me at ease.

For example, in our home, we have a compulsion board. Every time I am triggered by something and I don’t compulse, I tell my Master and I get a sticker. If I do compulse, I tell my Master and I must complete an Automatic Thought Record (This is a form of CBT. Feel free to look it up for a more detailed explanation.) My Master sets the number of stickers he would like earned each month and a number of ATL’s that I must be under. If I stay under the ATL limit and achieve the set amount of stickers, I get a reward.

This has been a really helpful tool because it allows us to track my progress throughout the months. It also provides a visual record of my progress, and the rewards are a great way to celebrate my hard work. It always makes me proud when I achieve my monthly goal.

Mindfulness is also big in our home. My Master will often ask me to meditate on my collar in times of stress. He has also trained me to say, “Master loves me and everything is okay” when he puts his hand on my cheek.

I do not think the rules alone help my recovery. I think what really makes the difference is how much my Master cares if I am getting better, how he always makes time to communicate with me and listen to me regarding my recovery, and the fact that he checks in with me about my emotional state on a daily basis- most of the time multiple times a day.

It was love, care, and commitment that motivated my Master to take on the role of being my Master with such grace. He was never deterred or scared. He consistently holds me to my rules, including the recovery ones, and no matter what he has going on, he always makes time to help me.

It’s not just my Master though. Like any vanilla or kink relationship, both parties need to be equally dedicated. I am always reading, researching, presenting my findings to my Master, and am always motivating myself to practice what I have learned. Slaves cannot just sit back and let their Masters’ do all the work. I would never get better that way. Master has the final say, and offers me all his wisdom and guidance, but I still have to put in a lot of work to better myself.

However, I would not be able to achieve any of this without my Master. He is the motivation behind my recovery 100 percent.

I hope this article gets you thinking about ways one can use power exchange relationships to ease anxiety. In part two, I will go further in detail into anxiety-reducing protocols.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Rituals: Part 2

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Since rituals are such a big and broad topic, I would like to continue my article from the previous week (click here for article).

In my last article, I touched mostly on how rituals are beneficial in power exchange relationships. This week I would like to piggy back on that topic and provide a more in-depth guide on how to pick them and implement them.

Rituals Must Be Enjoyed and/or Valued By All Parties Involved

First of all, in my opinion, rituals must be enjoyed and/or valued by all parties involved. If one person is just doing it out of obligation, in time, it will grow to be thought of as a hassle. If this occurs, the ritual would not be serving its purpose. It has to be looked forward to by all parties involved or serve a practical purpose that the sub understands the importance of.

For instance, check- ins are often a great ritual to implement. Check- ins are a required text or phone call sent to the Dom by the submissive when he or she safety makes it to a destination. This ritual may not be enjoyed, but there definitely is a practical safety component to it.

Other rituals, as I mentioned previously, are just to allot time for service and/or spending time together such as pleasing rituals and greeting rituals.

Also, some rituals are put in place to make sure the Dom’s needs are met, such as filling their water cup after they come home from work or preparing a shower for them in the morning. These rituals serve to make the Dom’s life easier, so he or she has more time to serve the relationship. For example, I have very specific rituals I do in our home to help my Master such as cleaning his retainer or bringing him his morning coffee.

Rituals should also be something that the sub can be trained to do. The Dom must give the sub what he or she can realistically learn to do innately. If this cannot be achieved it will be hard for the ritual to be maintained healthily long term.

It’s very easy to do a ritual for a month. But especially in very established relationships, you should be thinking about what can be sustained for a year, two years, etc. Or at least have a plan of action for when you want the ritual to be modified or talked about with all parties.

Deciding Which Rituals to Implement

When deciding what rituals to implement many things should be considered such as all partner’s schedules, all partner’s needs, the relationship’s needs, and what all parties can realistically handle and do consistently.

Rituals can be updated, changed, and modified at any given time depending on where the relationship is and where all parties are emotionally, physically etc. If a ritual isn’t working, don’t be afraid to talk with your partner(s) about why it isn’t working. Power exchange relationships are all about flexibility, communication, trial and error, and modification. It’s perfectly okay to try something and then admit that it didn’t work out the way you thought it would. This goes for Doms too. After all, Doms are fallible people.

Also, the rituals that you implement one year may not work the next year based on changing life circumstances. This is perfectly normal too. All rituals should be adjusted and talked about as life throws new curve balls your way. Always have a plan of action in place, but be ready to change that plan of action as life surprises you.

However, never implement something that does not have a shot at being done correctly and consistently from the get-go.

It’s very easy to live in a dream world where the sub greets the Dom every day dressed to the nines, but how realistic is that?

Also, the Dom should take the sub’s state into account every day, and if necessary, be willing to deviate from the usual rituals if the sub truly needs it. I am in NO WAY saying that Doms should let their subs get out of doing rituals on a daily basis. The sub should be pushed on most days to perform the rituals as outlined. But, if for an example a family tragedy hits or a sub has the flu, the Dom should be ready to be a little more lenient on their usual rituals.

I know there have been a few instances where my Master, due to special circumstances, has let me greet him in the bedroom instead of in humble position by the doorway. When this happens, it makes me feel so loved that my Master does not ask things of me that physically cannot be done. This is one way I know he truly cares about my well-being.

On the contrary though, there have been plenty of times when my Master has pushed me to perform rituals when I feel I am not able to do them. I am always so grateful when he does this because it helps to show me my own emotional strength and that I was able stay true to our dynamic despite whatever was going on in my life.

In my opinion, rituals are an integral part of any power exchange relationship and should be thought about carefully before implementing them. Before giving your sub a ritual, think how does this benefit me, our relationship, or them? If this question cannot be answered, then the ritual should most likely be modified.

I strongly recommend that rituals be put into your contracts (if you have a contract). They are just as important as rules and should be written down to provide precision and clarity to all parties involved.

So, in short, rituals should be something that all parties can realistically perform consistently, should bring about benefits to the relationship, and facilitate growth.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Rituals in Power Exchange Dynamics

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When we first started our M/S relationship, my Master and I felt that rules were enough to keep our dynamic strong. But over time, we have both found that it is the combination of rules and rituals that keep our relationship at its healthiest.

What is the difference between a rule and a ritual?

  • A ritual is something that you do without fail with your partner or for your partner daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly. It provides reliability and consistency.
  • A rule is something you follow all the time, but isn’t necessarily a ritual.

Rituals can be rules, but all rules are not rituals.

For example, no texting and driving is one of our rules, but not a ritual.

On the other hand, some of our rules are rituals. One of our rules is that I must wait for my Master in humble position when he gets home from work in the evening. This is a ritual that he and I have grown very fond of. It initiates my service immediately when he gets home from work, and brings us closer together after a long day.

Collaring rituals are also a rule in our home, and they happen every morning. When its time to collar me, I get into Nadu position, and present my two collars to my Master. He will point to the one he wants to put on me first and I will hand it to him. Then I hand him the other one. After I am fully collared, I must say some sort of mantra about my Master and/or our relationship. When I am finished, my Master will touch my face and then I am allowed to stand.

We love this ritual because it allows us to start the day on a positive note and allows me the time to express my love and gratefulness to my Master. It also reinforces our M/S dynamic daily. If we didn’t have this ritual, we might not take a moment every morning to be with each other.

Our ritual in the evening provides the same sort of built in moment with one another. It’s known and followed that before we do anything, we spend time with one another.

Both of these rituals are positive ways to begin and end the day. They also establish that we are most important to each other.

I am in no way saying that everyone must adopt these rituals. But I do think it’s a good idea to find rituals that work for you in your power exchange relationship(s). Rituals help keep the dynamic alive, and help deepen bonds between partners. It’s very easy to get so wrapped in life that we forget to spend time with another.

Rituals provide an easy way to make sure this doesn’t happen. They provide something both partners can look forward to and depend on. I feel so loved when my Master takes the time to collar me every morning, and when he takes the time to greet me in the evening.

There are many different types of rituals that one could implement. They can be simple or very elaborate. It all depends on what both parties can realistically stick to and make happen on a continual basis.

If you need help coming up with rituals, please feel free to leave a comment and I will be happy to help you brainstorm.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

 

Event Review: Leather HEAT

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I attended the Saturday portion of the Los Angeles Leather HEAT event with Dexx this past weekend. Leather HEAT is a multi-day educational non-profi event highlighting all things leather and M/s (Master/slave) including classes, vendors, play parties, and the highly anticipated M/s contest. It’s also pansexual to include all genders and orientations.

Dexx and I are not well acquainted with the leather scene in Los Angeles but we love to learn and meet new people. Leather HEAT was extremely well organized and the line up of classes was top notch so it was a great way to dip our toes into this sub-community. We entered the Airtel Plaza Hotel to collect our badges and noticed leather clad attendees in spades which is so much fun to see in public. The staff was extremely friendly and we received a goody bag including items from the varying sponsors most notably Stockroom.

We were short on time so we scurried off to our first class. Dexx and I had decided ahead of time to take advantage of the variety of M/s oriented classes to give us some more ideas for our personal dynamic. We decided on “Hear My Face See His Words” by Master Obsidian and slave namaste from Texas. They are a long term M/s couple from Texas. We personally could not have chosen a better class! They discussed everything about communication within an M/s dynamic, cramming all of this valuable information into 90 minutes. This topic is extremely broad and deep, so it can be difficult to dissect it down to the most essential parts. Master Obsidian and namaste did an incredible job of this, noting that discussing any relationship is an “acquired taste” which means everyone can become accustomed to it and it does not have to be an end of the world discussion. They “normalized” M/s relationships for me. We also ran into fellow Kink Weekly writer Jenn Masri in this class. *Hi Jenn*!

We took a lunch break and checked out the vendors. Dexx ended up snagging a pair of matched floggers from Bunny Flogger to practice his Florentine with. He also had his eye on an asphyxiation collar from Justin Sayne Leather. Yes, it is just as terrible and wonderful as it sounds. I on the other hand had my eye on a leather corset posture collar by Deviant Elegance. It’s simply divine!

The next class was “The Invisible Leash” by Master Tallen and slave george. This was a slightly different point of view from the last class since this was a gay male leather perspective. Master Tallen utlined specific protocols he uses and why. He also answered a lot of really awesome quesitons from the audience. My favorite concept for newer couples entering a power exchange was his method for stopping a potential fight before it begins by alwyas going back to the protocols and dynamic. I personally feel it can be hard even for the most devoted slave to short circuit their lifetime of vanilla relationship management and rely on D/s alone. The concept of having a protocol even for disagreements was novel to me.

The final stop on our M/s train was the second class from Master Obsidian and slave namaste, “The Winter of Our Discontent.” This was the go-to class for conflict resolution within an M/s dynamic. Master Obsidian and namaste made many correlations between an M/s dynamic and a royal hierarchy with the Master being the King of course. This is a great comparison since a royal hierarchy has very specific protocols. I was telling Dexx that I think of him as a Captain, haha.

In all it was a really informative day. I left feeling inspired by all of the great content. Tickets for Leather HEAT 2017 are already on sale here.