How to prepare for success and handle the occasional failure.
You’d be a foolish person to assume that your scene will go 100% perfect every time. Sometimes a partner’s headspace may not be in the right spot, maybe a toy breaks or you accidentally injure someone. These things happen and as responsible players, we know the risks associated with practicing BDSM. There are steps you can take to plan for the best case scenario and also some fail safes for when things go downhill.
Set the scene
Do you fancy a little romance? Maybe you prefer a more sterile environment? Put some effort into your play space. Lighting a few tea lights around the room can go a long way! Set out a few bottles of water and a snack for afterwards. Put on your favorite tunes. You don’t have to put out a bed of rose petals but thoroughly cleaning the room and adding a few touches will show your partner you’re serious about having a good time.
Take proper care of your toys
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen some really old, nasty looking toys out and about at parties. I know these things can get expensive, but if your toys are stained, cracked, frayed, or any number of the things that happen over time, its time to get new ones! By cleaning and regularly maintaining your toys, you will increase the lifespan and be a hygienic player. This includes leather products like floggers and whips. These often get ignored in the cleaning process yet can harbor some of the yuckiest bacteria. Clean your toys!
When playing with locks or handcuffs, have an extra key!
You think this would be a no brainer but it’s very easy to misplace the key in the moment. There you are, dominating and flying high only to look a bit like a fumbling dope when it comes time to unlock your partner and the key is nowhere to be found! It’s happened to me, it’s happened to a few friends of mine, and it can happen to you! Keep a spare key nearby in the room in which you’re playing in addition to placing one in your pocket.
Pack a first aid kit
Very few Dom/mes I know actually carry a first aid kit. I’ve personally had to go ask a Dungeon Monitor for a bandaid once. Lesson learned! Carry a travel kit with your toy bag. At home, have a fully stocked, disaster made first aid kit handy. You’re purposely inflicting or receiving pain, sooner or later something may go wrong so best have these materials on hand as a just in case.
If you make a mistake or someone gets hurt, stay calm!
Don’t freak out, don’t ignore it, address the situation and if possible, move on. If someone does get injured in an unintentional way, acknowledge it. If they need medical attention, go get it! The embarrassment you may experience at the hospital explaining the injury is well worth it if it’s serious enough. You are two consenting adults and sometimes this happens.
Do aftercare. Here is a full article on it so I can spare you the lecture 😉
How do you set your scene? We’d love to hear about both your successes and failures along with how you handled the situation in the comments below!
anniebear is a submissive living in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.