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PirateStan

No play parties in our quarantine

July 12, 2020 By PirateStan 4 Comments

https://www.kinkweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Lonely-woman-looks-through-bars-BDSM.mp4

So, life has been interesting since we entered the world of quarantine in late March 2020. From a broader perspective, we have indeed “flattened the curve” and life is beginning to open up again. But even as we prepare to move forward into a confusing future, observations on what we went through continue to fill my brain.

Because it’s been even more interesting for us kinksters.

For my own part, my girl and I have been “trapped” at home together, both of us telecommuting for our jobs. So it’s been a win-win for us; lots of time together with the person we love to spend time with as we save money not driving to the office and buying lunch, etc.  even as we continue to receive our full paychecks.

But it’s also been sad, as we haven’t seen any of our kinky friends literally for months. We’d inevitably hit at least one event a month, either a munch of party, often both, but all of those have been suspended. Sure there’ve been some virtual events, but they lack the je ne sais quoi of a real, in person meetup. 

We’ve “quaranteamed” with some few very, very close friends, and that’s certainly kept us from going entirely crazy. But we also very much enjoy and appreciate the energy one gets from meeting and interacting with people in a public space. Meeting new, like-minded people can be fun. And we first met our very, very close friends in just such an environment; it’s not as if they can be dismissed entirely.

Meanwhile, I know plenty of people who aren’t in long-term, monogamous relationships, who didn’t even have regular play partners, who “played the field” as it were. And that’s totally cool. Except that, under the “shutdown” reality, life seriously sucked.

The places and events where they used to hook up were suddenly gone. And the people they might regularly casually play with were suddenly, understandably, unavailable.  Responsible adults who might otherwise be engaging in mutually enjoyable intimate activities found themselves out in the cold, at home and alone.

Certainly, I have several single friends who’ve managed to successfully “quaranteam” with a very select household. And I’ve been pleased to see that their irregular get-togethers have been both safe and satisfying. One friend in particular has purchased a rather elaborate motorcycle, and her household engages in regular rides in local, isolated environs (I’m actually rather jealous… she seems to be having a great deal of fun).

But then there are the friends (extremely peripherial ones) who’re engaging in out-and-out inappropriate activity.

They’re had play parties, open to what they consider a “select” group, but which are essentially open (we were invited and chose not to attend). Others have announced, through less-than-public channels, out-and-out orgies. 

None of these activities seem anywhere near responsible given the current pandemic crisis. Indeed, they would appear to be quite the opposite.

A great many of these individuals are young, under 35, so they’re part of a typically low risk community. Hell, unless you’re immunocompromised for some reason, or over 70, you’re probably low risk regardless. By some estimates, 95% of people who catch COVID 19 will get a mild form of the illness.

But if you’re in that 5%, well, best have your advanced directive in order. This is a lottery you don’t want to play.

As things are opening back up, none of the groups I’m familiar with locally have any events planned. Of course, the underground groups are rejoicing, feeling vindicated. Not that I’ve heard of anyone in particular getting sick. Not that I necessarily would have.

Meanwhile, my girl and I are electing to continue to stay home. We’re happy together and don’t see any reason to take unnecessary risks.

What has your experience been during the recent pandemic crisis?

About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, COVID, PirateStan, play parties, quarantine

Dom/Domme Warning Signs

June 6, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

(Note: As always, this column is written from the MaleDom/femsub perspective. Others are perfectly viable, but this is the one with which I’m most familiar., and thus which I write from YMMV)</i>

There are false Doms among us, at our munches, at our parties, our sloshes, on our kinky social media site, on our dating sites, at our favorite coffee shop. Some of them don’t know they’re fake, others do and don’t care, and a few of them are just using your kink as a gateway to get what they want.

They’ll pretend to know what they’re doing, they’ll lie to you about skills they don’t have, they’ll pay lip service to your needs while having no intention of fulfilling them.

They’re abusers and bullies in Dom’s clothing.

Most of them are dangerous, some more than others. A very select few, perhaps less than one percent, are deadly.

Learning to spot them is your best defense. In your arsenal are any number of tools. Your local community can be the best; ask around. If someone has a bad reputation that doesn’t seem based on personal peccadillos or vendattas, perhaps you should give them a pass.

Then there’s always your own intuition, a gut feeling. If it’s telling you to run the other way, do so. You’ll always get a second chance if you’re mistaken, if they’re the real deal. But if they’re not, you could wind up with a lifetime of regrets.

Then there are the red flags. No single red flag is necessarily a signal to stay away. But an aggregate of them could well be. Keep this (inevitably incomplete) list in mind when evaluating a potential Dom.

– Dick pics: This one is pretty basic. One, perhaps two pics of a particularly impressive member are probably okay. But if anything over 5% of their pics are of their massively erect penis, you may want to look elsewhere. An extra red flag if their ego possesses them to use it as their profile pic.

– Vague profile: Not everyone can put together a crackerjack profile, but if theirs is minimally filled out, or leads with the classic, “I’m an open book, ask me anything!” then they’re likely hiding something or have a distinct lack of the sort of self awareness good Doms tend towards.

– An inordinate focus on sex: Certainly, sex can be a part of a scene, but BDSM can also be about a great deal more. Someone who seems almost myopically focused on sex, when you’re rather indifferent, can simply be a horny guy looking to get his dick wet.

– Pet names too soon: If they almost immediately start calling you by affectionate sobriquets such as honey, puppy, darling, or move very quickly towards vulgarities such as bitch, cunt, or slut, then it’s likely they’re more interested in their own gratification at the expense of yours. Speaking of which…

– Places their own gratification over yours: You should always both leave a scene mutually gratified; indeed, many Doms will value the gratification of the sub over their own. If you feel that their needs are always being met while you’re left hanging, It’s likely that they’re all about themselves.

– Poor negotiation skills: While it’s important that a Dom tell you about themselves as well as their skills and experience, the good ones will spend the time to suss out who you are, what your experience level is, and what you’re looking for. Even if you’re the greenest of newbies they’ll take the time to understand just how much you’re looking to get your feet wet, as well as exactly how. If they seem more focused and determined as to what they’ll be doing to you then what you actually want, then they’re likely more interested in self gratification than an actual scene.

– Moves from 0 to 60 way too fast: If someone starts immediately whacking at you with their biggest, baddest toy, and doesn’t take the time to warm you up slowly, determining your limits and doing their best to work within them, then they could simply be a sadist who’s looking for indulge their own jollies.

– Aftercare: The best Doms will do their best to get you what you need after a scene, even perhaps going so far as to check in the next day. If you’re new your specific aftercare needs can be somewhat nebulous, but experienced Doms will still have a checklist of things that are relatively common and will work to ensure that your cool down is as satisfying as your warm up.

This list is simply the tip of the proverbial iceberg; there’re a great many more that you’ll discover as you move into the scene. Always remember to trust your instincts, your peers, and your friends. And keep in mind that it’s about mutual pleasure. If you leave your scene feeling worse than when you arrived, then you could be looking at someone who’s more a selfish abuser, a bully, than an actual Dom.

Stay informed, stay aware, and stay safe.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

 

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Why You Should Check Out Your Local Scene

May 10, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

I’ll preface this article to point out that yes, some groups, some entire scenes in a given geographical area, are toxic, filled with terrible people and run by worse.  Those kind of scenes, yes, you should stay away from. Now, on to our article.

It’s called your local scene, but it’s different from what you’d do with a play partner. It’s the group of like-minded people you’ll encounter at munches, educational events, parties, etc. It’ll likely be filled with lots of great people, some of who’ll become lifelong friends. It’ll also be filled with jerks, assholes, creeps, abusers, narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, predators, stalkers, borderline personalities, and probably even a few out-and-out rapists. 

So that latter part being the case, why should you bother with them? I’m glad you asked that…

——–

First let me digress a bit.

In the early 2000’s there was a series on HBO called ‘Six Feet Under’. It was about the Fisher clan, who owned a funeral parlor. It dealt with questions about life, death, mortality, and those who deal with it on a daily basis. It was alternately funny, sad, inspiring, infuriating, and inscrutable. It also had one of the best series finales of all time.

Anyway, two of the main characters on the show were David and Keith, a gay couple. The show started with them together, then they split, got back together, had the sort of trials and tribulations couples on television series often have, before winding up happily ever after at the end.

Now it may surprise you to hear this, but as little as 20 years ago (hell, ten years ago) the world wasn’t as woke regarding people with different sexuality. Homophobia was still rampant and there was very little mainstream understanding of what it meant to be gay.

For me (a vaguely enlightened 36-year-old), someone with little-to-no personal experience with gay couples, seeing David and Keith’s relationship on the show was a revelation. Here were two deep, well-written-and-acted, complex characters who were just… well… people. They weren’t saints, they weren’t sinners, but they did good things, and sometimes screwed up, badly. The show was set in Los Angeles so it was rather more tolerant than the rest of the world of gay men, but they still had to navigate the roadblocks and potholes of everyday life in a society which simply tolerated them.

In the end it helped me understand what being a gay man meant in the early 21st century. It gave me an empathy I didn’t have previously and benefitted me as a person moving forward. Even my 60-something-year-old parents loved the show, and David and Keith. I have to think that it helped them when some of their friends came out a few years later. I think that a lot of people felt like we did.

And this is why you should get involved with your local scene.

——–

When I went to my first munch I was very inexperienced and hadn’t really met any other kinky people except my then-girl. It was fascinating to see the length and depth of people’s kinks, and how mine was somewhat in the minority. It was even more fascinating to go to my first several play parties and observe the wide range of activities people engaged in.

I met a lot of people I liked, some I didn’t, and some I was indifferent to. But I kept going out to as many events as I could, and I started to gain a picture of what the scene was like, the protocols, and how people interacted. I saw how couples interacted and, even more importantly, how long-term couples interacted.

Again, there were some I liked, some I didn’t, and some I was indifferent to. For example, Daddy Dom/little girl relationships didn’t suit the dynamic I was looking for, nor petplay, latex, or strictly Sadist/machoist relationships. But the Dominant/submissive and, in particular, Master/slave relationships? Yeah, I found those very appealing.

Like with David and Keith on ‘Six Feet Under’, it was helping me understand what being a kinky guy was all about in the 21st century. 

Because the problem is, there are no real, positive presentations of D/s relationships in popular culture.

Indeed, they’re generally portrayed as a joke, or dark, or even sordid. They’re almost never portrayed as healthy, about two like-minded adults who find each other in this crazy world. About two people who communicate clearly and vocally with each other about their wants, needs, hopes, and expectations. In short, the very definition of a healthy relationship.

And that’s what I love, and find so wonderful, about the scene. Seeing so many happy cis, gay, poly, trans, and everything in between people engaging in kinky fuckery warms the very cockles of my heart, to this day.

And that is what can be beneficial about your local scene. It can help you expand the length, depth, and breadth of your personal concept of what a relationship can be.

So get out into your local scene and check it out. You might see something you find appealing. And you might learn a thing or two along the way.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

 

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Bondage Memories At Sci-Fi Cons

April 11, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

A few memories I’m surprised I’ve not written about before.

Story #1

At the very first sci-fi con I attended, way back in 1986, there was a guy leading his girlfriend/wife around by chained-at-the-front crossed wrists. She was dressed in some approximation of a Gorean camisk, barefoot with dual ankle bracelets. He had on some sort of medieval outfit to which I paid very little attention.

There were some oblique references and vaguely snarky comments made at their expense at Saturday’s costume contest, but I suspect most of the attendees (which back then were largely male) thought it was kinda hot.

It really made quite the impression on me.

Story #2

Some years later, 1994, I was attending the same con. There was a vendor who, amongst his other merch, had several bondage-related buttons, along with a logo which was a takeoff of the image of the Rocketeer with bound Bettie Page thrown over his shoulder. His assistant/girlfriend was a many-years-younger brunette who was cute as hell.

During Saturday evening’s costume contest he came on stage wearing a rather decent black medieval ensemble, while she wore a barbarian bikini with a long, hooded cloak, barefoot. They didn’t win, but she certainly looked super hot.

Sunday I hit the vendor’s room and she’s at the table by herself, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, barefoot, with her wrists roped very securely-and-professionally behind her back. She had a very sweet “oh no, what will I do, he left me here alone tied up like this?” thing going on. She was back-and-forthing with a few guys who were obviously jazzed by this real life helpless damsel in front of them.

At one point, one of them purchased something and handed her money. After a moment of “oh now what shall I do?” she turned around, took the money in her hand, then made a bit of a show of bending over backwards, opening the cash box, putting his money in and even, as she twisted around and looked precariously over her shoulder, getting his change and handing it to him, again, behind her back.

I stood there and bantered as long as I could without looking like a total perv before moving on. When I came back a little while later she was no longer tied up and was even wearing sneakers.

Still, that moment totally freaked me out. In retrospect it was a seminal moment, my first encounter with a real-life D/s couple, and a “good girl” submissive acting out for her Dom’s pleasure. I had difficulty processing it even as I knew I liked it, a lot.

Anyone else have any similar stories? Sci-fi cons seemed a bit more “sexy” back in the day. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the times. Somewhere I have photos. I’m afraid to look at them, lest I discover the true mundanity of it all.

========

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

How Do I Get My Girlfriend To Let Me Tie Her Up?

March 8, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments


A litle while back, I made some comments on a blog and, well, really made the author upset. Seems he felt that any lady could be made to learn to enjoy being tied up, provided she was introduced to it in a pleasurable fashion. And I took him to task.

Y’see, some ladies like being tied up, some are indifferent to it, and some don’t care for it at all. And if you’re one of those guys who likes to tie women up (like me, and probably most of the people reading this) then you’re going to want one of the former. And to stay away from the latter.

But this blogger seemed to feel that you can train *any* woman, like you’d train a dog, to love bondage. You just need to make certain that her experiences are always pleasurable. And, well, I think this person has maybe read too many books, had too many fantasies, and not been with enough actual woman. Because my actual, real-world experience is quite contrary to this.

You can no more “make” a woman love bondage than you can “make” a straight person gay, or a gay person straight. We’re hardwired to like the things we like, be it vanilla sex, people of the same sex, people who like to be tied up, sadists, or masochists.

The trick is to find someone who’s hardwired the same way you are. If you’re a guy who likes to tie up gals, then you need to find a gal who craves being tied up (and I read one article recently that suggested that there are more gals who want to be tied up than guys who want to tie them… go figure!). And now that I’ve actually gotten inside the BDSM community I can tell you… well, you’ll be alright. You really don’t need to recruit from the vanilla world, even if it seems that way right now.

Are you a single guy? Make some small mention on your first date that ropes and duct tape are in her future (I leave the creative part to you, but humor is a good way to go). If she balks or freaks out, prolly avoid a second date. But if she’s intrigued, she may be the gal for you.

Are you in a relationship? Tell your GF that you’re a kinky bastard who likes to tie gals up, not to force them to do things they don’t wanna, but for mutual erotic stimulation. If she gets all warm and tingly, good news! If she’s really into it, she’ll be going from zero to sixty in a few sessions. If not… well, maybe she’s not the gal for you… you need to weigh her other qualities against her lack of interest in being tied up..

But how can I tell if she’s into bondage? you ask…

Short answer? She probably is.

Every single woman I have ever been intimate with has been interested in being tied up to a greater or lesser degree. Think about when you were a kid. Were there tie-up games you played? Well, that doesn’t go away as you get older. It’s only the details that change.

Big secret time. Those romance novels that are so popular with women? A lot (not all, but a great many) serve the same purpose for ladies as your average stroke book (or website, or vid) serves for you, my friend. And many of those books are just filled with strong, dominant dudes who spend the majority of the pages breaking down the heroine’s strong will, often with some form of physical restriction or deprivation.

Polls have indicated that the majority of women harbor some form of “ravishment fantasy.” Not that they want to have actual violence perpetrated upon them, but the idea of a strong man “having their way” with them is something that is very appealing. So long as it’s within certain boundaries. Boundaries that, as a Dom, it’s your job to to discover.

Just like guys, women in their 20s are discovering who they are, sexually and in other ways. Ask and ye shall receive. Unless she says no. And if she does, she’s probably not the lady for you. 

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Mmmph! Or the actual effectiveness of gags

January 12, 2020 By PirateStan 3 Comments


You’ve seen in dozens of times in mainstream movies and television. The thin strip of cloth tied between a bound damsel’s lips, a thicker one tied across them. Or perhaps instead it’s the single strip of duct tape placed gently across their mouth, barely held in place, as if an errant breeze could waft it away. Or in these modern, edgy times, perhaps it’s a tiny rubber ball held in place by a leather shoelace.

Regardless, any-and-all of these gags somehow, magically, prevent our helplessly bound damsel from uttering a single sound, even while their heroic would-be rescuer is only inches away, the nefarious villain behind him, ready to knock him unconscious. If only she could speak!

Yeah, all of that? It’s utter crap. One of those gags might give you a bit of a speech impediment but it’ll never prevent you from making noise, as loud as you care to make it. As for that strip-of-cloth-over-the-mouth, or the barely-stuck-on-strip-of-duct-tape? Those are so easily circumvented as to be literal child’s play. And I say that literally since I figured it out when I was a mere pup of ten-years-old.

If you want to see a truly effective gag, you’d could do worse than what I use with zeirah. The front-buckle gag she wears is a hard-core muthafukka. The panel itself has 1/2″ of padding built in, and then there’s an integral 2″ silicone plug which goes into her mouth (penis shaped, because of course). When she’s wearing it she can scream, moan, growl, gurgle, and whimper, but nothing resembling intelligible speech is coming out. And believe me, she’s had plenty of practice. Anytime she needs to tell me something it needs to come off, and fortunately that’s not terribly difficult.

So the truth is as such:

So far as cloth gags go, if you shove a thick wad of cloth into a damsel’s mouth, then perhaps you can keep it secured with another thin strip of cloth. Or not… likely not. Simply using cloth for a gag is likely to ultimately prove futile.

So far as duct tape goes, well now we’re talking. But it won’t take one strip. Think multiple strips, a minimum of eight, as many as twelve. And you need to use good, extra-sticky duct tape, not the cheap dollar-store stuff.

Start with a strip straight across their mouth, a long one, going from one ear, across the mouth, to the other ear. Make certain it’s well stuck to her upper lip, *very* well secured. This can be a major problem area. Focus on keeping it snug with all subsequent strips.

Next, do a large “X” shape across the mouth with, again, long strips, going from the upper cheeks to down below the opposite ear. Focus on tugging it in snug over the upper lip.

Now you want to put a strip under her chin, a couple actually, working your way forward until you’re covering the initial strip under her nose. Finish with two more strips straight across, one directly under her nose, the second overlapping to just at the bottom of her chin. Again, taking special care to ensure the upper lip tape is well pressed down.

This should be an effective gag. But wait, there’s more!

To make it extra-effective place a cloth into her mouth ahead of time, as large of one as she can comfortably manage while still keeping her mouth entirely closed.

And then…

If she can manage, wrap more duct tape entirely *around* her head, relatively tightly. This is the place where you’ll want to use the cheap, dollar-store duct tape so it doesn’t stick to her hair. Alternately, use vet wrap, which you can purchase relatively inexpensively at Amazon.

Done properly, she won’t be able to talk, she won’t be able to make much noise, and she won’t be able to get it off.

Finally, a little bit about ballgags…

Stick with silicone ones, preferably with PVC straps which are removable (Pleasure Paradox on Etsy is an excellent source). The ball should be large enough that if placed in her mouth sans strap she’ll find it difficult to push out with her tongue. It should entirely fill her mouth such that she can’t close it and is now only capable of impossibly muffled speech.

However keep in mind that forcing the mouth open can be very painful. Ballgags should only be worn for short periods until you determine how long your girl can cope.

Anyway, this has been some basics on real, actual gags. Now go out there and have some consensual fun! 

========

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

 

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

What To Expect (and how to behave) At Your First Party

December 15, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


So you’ve been to the munch, gotten involved with a group, and been vetted to attend your first kink party. Good job and congratulations on taking your first step into a new, fulfilling world. But just as you were nervous about attending that first munch, you’re stressing more than a bit about what to expect at your first party.

The initial thing to keep in mind is that, if you liked the group at the munch, these are likely the same people you’re going to see at the party. And those who weren’t at the munch? They know these people and like to hang out with them.  So it’s not like you’re walking into a house full of creepsters.

(Speaking of creeps, most groups will weed them out pretty quickly. Indeed, it’s been my experience that the true predators operate outside and on the fringes of most groups.)

A kink party will be like any party you’ve even attended… and completely different. True, it’s just a group of like-minded people hanging out and interacting with each other. But a lot of those people will be in various states of undress, if not entirely naked. And there’ll be spaces where kinky fuckery is being engaged in. So it’s going to be both comfortable and overwhelming at the same time.

Rule #1: No touching without explicit permission. The scene has always been based on the concept of enthusiastic consent; that is, unless you’re absolutely certain that someone is down for a given activity, refrain from said activity. You may see people touching and hugging but they likely already know each other and have longstanding consent. That doesn’t mean you have it.

Of course, none of this means you can’t look, and watch. But don’t stare when it’s not appropriate, and don’t act creepy. However, if you, for example, see a lovely gal in a particularly impressive outfit that reveals more than it conceals… well, she didn’t wear that wanting to blend in and be ignored.

Rule #2: Be respectful and don’t interfere in anybody’s scene. Again, it’s entirely fine to watch (and you’re going to want to watch, because watching is how you learn) but, if someone’s throwing a flogger or swinging a long paddle, don’t get in their way. And while you may have questions, save them until it’s over, and the aftercare is completed. Most people will be more than happy to tell you all about what you’ve just watched.

Rule #3: Don’t touch anything that isn’t yours, including other people’s toys and gear. Seriously, most people are fine if you ask first, but ask. Some dungeons will have house equipment that’s free to use, while at other’s it’s only for the house. When in doubt, ask.

Rule #4: Respect the space. Remember, this is someone’s home. Pick up after yourself, tell somebody if you accidentally make a mess, and put your trash & recycling where it belongs. And if you’re going to be naked, have a barrier between yourself and the furniture.

Rule #5: Play only in designated play spaces, socialize in social areas. Most places will have the two very distinctively marked and separated. That doesn’t mean you can’t chat in the play space, but keep it down to avoid impinging on any scenes. And feel free to flirt in social spaces, but take any real activities to the play space. And of course, some households don’t have any distinctions between play and social space (except usually the kitchen).

Then there are the other rules that vary from house to house. Some have a strict “no penetration” rule, while others might have an orgy room. Some may not allow any booze, while others are fine with casual drinking (although playing while intoxicated is always verboten, and getting shitfaced will likely get you shitcanned). Most tend to ban illegal drugs, for good reason.

In the end your first party experience will likely be both terrifying and wonderful in equal measure. The only thing that’s certain is the likelihood that you’ll want to return for more!

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

Harvesting the Kinky Bounty of Your Local Dollar Store

November 10, 2019 By PirateStan 2 Comments


A little while back I had what I referred to as a “Dollar Store Scene” with a lovely lady of my acquaintance. It involved no more than a single roll of duct tape along with a bag of rubber bands I’d purchased earlier in the day at my local dollar store.

After having her strip, I began by placing a few dozen rubber bands up and down her arms and legs of various sizes and thicknesses. I then proceeded to bind and gag her arms, torso, and legs very securely. Then, having ascertained that she was well balanced and could hop about with her legs and ankles bound, I began pulling on the rubber bands and insisting that she move towards me. Were she to not move fast or enthusiastically enough in my judgement, I would let go of said rubber band.

Needless to say, much snapping of rubber bands on tender skin went on over the next twenty-or-so-minutes, along with a lot of enthusiastic, desperate hopping and cruel commands. In the end we were both left extremely satisfied, with a great many unusual bruises to appreciate (who knew rubber bands could leave such terrible bruises?).

This is all a preface to saying that, one’s local dollar store is a virtual smorgasbord of gear and equipment for kinksters young and old, novice and experienced. You can walk in with twenty dollars and walk out with an essential toybag good for many an evening’s pleasure. All you need is to engage your imagination.

Let’s start with materials for binding. The aforementioned duct tape is an excellent medium with which to bind a willing girl quickly and effectively. The dollar store variety is perhaps the best for a consensual scene, as it’s not as insanely sticky as the real deal and, thus, less likely to be unnecessarily painful in it’s application or removal.

Other binding materials include jump-ropes, dog leashes, twine, plant ties (long coils of green twisty-tie), wire, saran wrap, and plain old coils of rope. While none of it will be of the highest quality, it’ll do in a pinch. Or not, as they’re all good things to keep in your toy bag for those quick, improvised, “guerilla” scenes.

(…and for the record, wire can be useful to tie someone’s thumbs and big toes together. When you do that they’re kind of fucked. Sometimes it’s not about what they want, but about being mean…)

I’ve also seen handcuffs in the kid’s section. Sure they’re not exactly secure, nor will they stand up to real struggles, but they can still be a fun accessory.

There’s also no shortage of sensation toys, with feathers, sandpaper, paint brushes, claws, sisal twine, scouring pads, even coconut rope. If getting your lady aroused with sensual touch is your goal, then look no further, as you’ll find it more than adequate.

Finally, we get to the thing you’re most likely searching for; weapons of ass destruction, or implements to be used for instigating instances of painful pleasure on a willing participant. And believe me, there’s no shortage of these either.

Direct yourself first to the kitchen aisle. There you’ll find a large variety of spatulas, spoons, cutting boards, graters, knives, even the odd dishtowel or two (who remembers getting smacked by a wet rat’s tail in the locker room?).

And don’t overlook the gardening section, where you’ll find bamboo and rataan canes (although the latter may be uselessly curly). There’ll also be a variety of other items which would make good switches. 

Then there’re those little glass discs for the bottom of planters. Take a bunch of those, put them in a pantyhose or a sock, and you’ve got a nicely weighted whacker, suitable for infliciting thuddy pain and bodacious bruises.

But wait, there’s more!

Check out the kids section for plastic bats, ping-pong paddles, tennis racquets, velcro-covered spanking gloves… hell, maybe a yo-yo or two for good measure (it was, after all, initially designed to be a weapon).

In short, the dollar store is your kinky friend for those doing bondage on a budget. Or perhaps for a bit of impromptu play. Or if you just want to fill out your toybag with some unusual items. Your creativity and imagination are your only limits!


About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

What Did You Do This Weekend?

October 13, 2019 By PirateStan 3 Comments


‘What’d you do this weekend?’ ask vanilla friends

Like a great many kinky people, we have kinky friends and we have vanilla friends. Some of our vanilla friends are aware of our particular proclivities and are interested, more or less (usually less).  Of course, we have family. Inevitably, family are pretty much hopelessly vanilla. I don’t know why, but it always seems to be this way.

Sometimes I’ll run into them on a Monday or a Tuesday and they’ll ask, “So, what’d you do this weekend?” Other times it’s a Friday and, “What do you have planned for this weekend?”

It can be a tough one to answer because, honestly, I’d like to tell everyone about the kinkalicious activities we’ve enjoyed, or have planned.  Still, Americans are so incredibly uptight about sex and sexuality that it’s simply not a topic to address. The one time we seemed to be lightening up was in the ’70s, and that pretty much imploded when AIDS arrived. We’ve reverted to general prudery ever since.

Oh sure, there’s the occasional “50 Shades” type phenomenon, but even those are viewed as oddball anomalies, a societal Rumspringa where we leech all of our sexual weirdness as if lancing a boil. Then we go back to our once-a-month-missionary-position coitus with our spouse, for procreation purposes only.

“But really,” they ask, “What’d you do this weekend?”

This past weekend was actually pretty boring. On Saturday we went out for a few beers, headed to the grocery store, then came home, ate deli pizza, drank wine, and watched Amazon Prime (need to catch up on ‘Downton Abbey’ so we can go see the movie). Yup, we are officially adults. Sunday was a long bout of kinky sex, changing the sheets, starting laundry, a bit of cleaning and straightening, followed by some Netflix-and-chill.

Yeah, you read that right. Even our boring-ass weekends tend to have some period of kinky fuckery. But I can’t tell them that!

Of course, the previous weekend we were at a party with naked people getting tied up, stuck with needles, being beaten black-and-blue, set on fire, and all sorts of other kinky fuckery. The evening ending with most of us bundling in the hot tub, still naked. Seriously, swimsuits are awful. I totally get those European dudes who wear the Speedos regardless of age and body type.

Previous weekends have found us at parties where there are actually orgies, although we don’t tend to partake. Even in January, when that door opens, and the warm, humid air smelling of sweat, bodies, lube, and sex wafts out, all I can think of is, “A stranger’s bodily fluids. Ick”.

(And if that’s your thing, I will grok, Water Brother. But you’ve got no worry of competition from me.)

Sometimes I really want to tell them the truth, merely to watch their heads explode. Because they’ll take one look at us and think of how fat, old people aren’t supposed to do this sort of thing. Of course, when I was still young and thin I had no idea this world existed. Such is life.

I was recently at a vanilla wedding for some dear friends, Master and slave, who were tying the knot legally for any of a variety of reasons. I was tasked with giving the “best man” speech and I think I nailed it. It’s been a few years since I’ve been asked, but I’ve always been pretty good at them.

After, one of his old friends pressed me on how we’d met. I went to my standby of “a local book group” before realizing that, hey, he’s not much of a reader (as much as I love him). I recovered with, “But it’s as much as media group as books,” before launching into several minutes of how much we loved ‘Avengers: Endgame’ and couldn’t wait for ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ to come out on Blu-Ray.

I think he bought it. Before too long the talk was of firearms, hunting, and the best ways to preserve venison.

So yeah. “What’d you do this weekend?”. Damn, but that’s a loaded question.

I’ll finish by pointing out that we own a home in a boring, suburban neighborhood where I suspect we are the oddest thing. And we have some stereotypically vanilla neighbors. The same sort of place a great many of we kinksters reside. And have parties.

If only they knew.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

When It’s In Your DNA

September 28, 2019 By PirateStan 5 Comments


When kink is part of your relationship’s DNA, there can be times when you take it for granted. For me, as a Master, it’s in the assumptions of my girl’s service to me, that she’ll always be there when I need her, that she’ll dutifully tend to my needs even, perhaps, when she’s not necessarily in the mood.

Of course, I’ve never been someone who was \capable of taking something which wasn’t freely given. So when she’s not in the mood, I tend to not be inclined to press things. As she’s grown older and entered perimenopause it’s increasingly become an issue. Simply put, she’s often not “in the mood”. However, she typically finds herself *in* said mood once we start a scene. 

So I often find myself in the somewhat awkward position of having to take what’s not necessarily being offered. But given that I’m with my girl of many years, and that this is something we’ve had many discussions about, we’ve made it work quite well.

What is it they say, “Getting older sucks, but it beats the alternative”.

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We recently vacationed in Scotland, renting a cozy cabin deep in the Highlands. It was everything my Celtic blood called out for, with views outside our patio door which literally took your breath away. To say it was isolated would be an understatement; while there were a few homes vaguely nearby, the overall silence was deafening. Except for the bleating of the sheep grazing nearby. It was picturesque to a level I’d only ever dreamed of.

Enter our kinky selves. The chance to photograph zeirah’s loveliness against such a scenic backdrop was irresistible and inevitable. While initially reluctant, she quickly warmed to the scenario, even as the Highland winds and chill whipped around her bound and gagged body.

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It all started out as a token photoshoot; the bondage would be perfunctory, it would only *look* like she was tied up. I’d taken pics of her on the deck of our little Highlands cabin previously, only this time it would appear as if she was in bondage.

But it quickly became very real.

The weather had been cloudy, chilly, and rainy all morning. But around noon the sun came out, the breeze picked up, and it seemed considerably more friendly outside. Stepping onto the deck it was around 60 degrees with 15-20 mph winds. In the sun it felt warmer. We decided to give it a go.

I’d brought the leather bondage mittens on the trip because we routinely use them in our bedroom play. Consequently, they formed the initial basis of the bondage. Within less than a minute her hands were secured behind her back in a way that (experience had shown) she could not get loose from.

Then I took the duct tape, purchased at a newsagents, and wrapped it around her torso, underneath her breasts. I went around one, two, three, four, five times, each wrap becoming tighter and bringing her arms further behind her back, her elbows closer and closer together. Suddenly this “perfunctory” bondage was becoming rather secure.

She sat as I secured the belt around her ankles, then tied up her bare feet and toes. I had her stand to ensure that the bindings weren’t too tight, then had her sit again. “My ankles are loose. You need to make the belt tighter,” she said. As I cinched them up, the bondage suddenly seemed considerably more secure than I’d initially intended; she was really tied up, with no real way to get loose.

I’d initially thought to do an “X” duct tape gag, which looks good but isn’t actually effective; it’s easy to remove with a little bit of work. But since she was so well secured otherwise I decided to go for a full “eight-strip” gag. Her eyes became very wide as she realized what I was doing.

By the time I removed the chair and had her stand for the pics the sun had disappeared, the winds had picked up, and the temperature had dropped. Half-naked, unbalanced, with her hair whipping around her face, this was suddenly a very real photoshoot.

She dutifully posed for the many pics I took, then struggled and “mmmphed” accordingly for the subsequent video. Her frustrated struggles in the cold and wind weren’t rehearsed, and looked quite excellent.

After we were done she wriggled and stomped her feet, mmphing in their direction, so I brought the chair back to untie her feet and toes. After they were loosed she quickly walked over to the cabin’s patio door, sliding it open with her shoulder before going inside. She sat on the couch and took in the warmth, wriggling her chilly toes before the electric fireplace.

As I removed the duct tape gag, I realized that this Scottish stuff was considerably more sticky than what we typically used, and that there was no way she could have worked it loose. Peeling it off required some real effort, and she was very happy when it was gone. I used scissors to remove the tape around her body (which it left no residue on her clothes), then let her loose from the mittens and cuffs.

What began as a nothing burger quickly turned into a real scene. And one which soon enough was finalized in the bedroom.

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When it’s in your relationship’s DNA it’s going to happen no matter the circumstances. Or perhaps because of them. Regardless, take advantage and enjoy when you can. Even if it’s more than a little windy and cold.

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PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community for over 12 years, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, fetish, kink, PirateStan

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