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No play parties in our quarantine

July 12, 2020 By PirateStan 4 Comments

https://www.kinkweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Lonely-woman-looks-through-bars-BDSM.mp4

So, life has been interesting since we entered the world of quarantine in late March 2020. From a broader perspective, we have indeed “flattened the curve” and life is beginning to open up again. But even as we prepare to move forward into a confusing future, observations on what we went through continue to fill my brain.

Because it’s been even more interesting for us kinksters.

For my own part, my girl and I have been “trapped” at home together, both of us telecommuting for our jobs. So it’s been a win-win for us; lots of time together with the person we love to spend time with as we save money not driving to the office and buying lunch, etc.  even as we continue to receive our full paychecks.

But it’s also been sad, as we haven’t seen any of our kinky friends literally for months. We’d inevitably hit at least one event a month, either a munch of party, often both, but all of those have been suspended. Sure there’ve been some virtual events, but they lack the je ne sais quoi of a real, in person meetup. 

We’ve “quaranteamed” with some few very, very close friends, and that’s certainly kept us from going entirely crazy. But we also very much enjoy and appreciate the energy one gets from meeting and interacting with people in a public space. Meeting new, like-minded people can be fun. And we first met our very, very close friends in just such an environment; it’s not as if they can be dismissed entirely.

Meanwhile, I know plenty of people who aren’t in long-term, monogamous relationships, who didn’t even have regular play partners, who “played the field” as it were. And that’s totally cool. Except that, under the “shutdown” reality, life seriously sucked.

The places and events where they used to hook up were suddenly gone. And the people they might regularly casually play with were suddenly, understandably, unavailable.  Responsible adults who might otherwise be engaging in mutually enjoyable intimate activities found themselves out in the cold, at home and alone.

Certainly, I have several single friends who’ve managed to successfully “quaranteam” with a very select household. And I’ve been pleased to see that their irregular get-togethers have been both safe and satisfying. One friend in particular has purchased a rather elaborate motorcycle, and her household engages in regular rides in local, isolated environs (I’m actually rather jealous… she seems to be having a great deal of fun).

But then there are the friends (extremely peripherial ones) who’re engaging in out-and-out inappropriate activity.

They’re had play parties, open to what they consider a “select” group, but which are essentially open (we were invited and chose not to attend). Others have announced, through less-than-public channels, out-and-out orgies. 

None of these activities seem anywhere near responsible given the current pandemic crisis. Indeed, they would appear to be quite the opposite.

A great many of these individuals are young, under 35, so they’re part of a typically low risk community. Hell, unless you’re immunocompromised for some reason, or over 70, you’re probably low risk regardless. By some estimates, 95% of people who catch COVID 19 will get a mild form of the illness.

But if you’re in that 5%, well, best have your advanced directive in order. This is a lottery you don’t want to play.

As things are opening back up, none of the groups I’m familiar with locally have any events planned. Of course, the underground groups are rejoicing, feeling vindicated. Not that I’ve heard of anyone in particular getting sick. Not that I necessarily would have.

Meanwhile, my girl and I are electing to continue to stay home. We’re happy together and don’t see any reason to take unnecessary risks.

What has your experience been during the recent pandemic crisis?

About the Author

PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication.

Tagged With: bdsm, COVID, PirateStan, play parties, quarantine

Beginner’s Corner: What Am I?

March 19, 2018 By Baadmaster 3 Comments

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Everyone was a beginner once. And in order to welcome newbies into our community, I will, from time to time, write articles aimed at those who are entering the lifestyle. Like this one!

I recently received a question that stated a newbie was intrigued by the lifestyle, but had no idea what she was – Domme, sub or switch. Or something else! By the question, it is clear that she was unsure what she wanted to be in BDSM. You might say she was asking, “Who am I?”

Often, it is hard for newbies to predict where they will land in the BDSM spectrum. So, my first piece of advice is to follow BaadMaster’s patented three-step formula (sounds impressive, huh?) for finding out about where one lies in the BDSM continuum.

Step 1: Get in touch with what you really want.

As I said many times here on kinkweekly.com, be honest with yourself. Clear your mind and think of what really turns you on – no matter how extreme it might be. One way to find this out is to peruse the BDSM checklists that are included in many of my articles. (Plug, plug!) They will give you an idea of the range of play and will help you focus on what you want — and what you don’t want.

Step 2: Go to a play party and just observe.

Since being a voyeur is an accepted kink, there is nothing wrong in just observing. You might see some type of play that you hadn’t thought of – like rope bondage – which might turn you on. As the twentieth century philosopher, Yogi Berra, said, “You can observe a lot just by watching!”

Step 3: Explore Your BDSM Fantasies.

If you have BDSM fantasies – and I am sure you do — decide which among these fantasies you would actually do. There is a big difference between thinking something is exciting and actually doing it. Thus, you must make a realistic appraisal of those activities that will attempt – and those you simply won’t do.

For example, a very popular BDSM fantasy is to own a sex slave. If that turns you on, tell any prospective play partner, straight up, that you are looking for a sex slave. Don’t lie and say you are an experienced Domme, but rather look for someone who is into learning with you. If you fantasize about subbing, look for a Dom/me who might give you some real time experience in subbing. The object is to find out not only what excites you, but also what areas you have a natural aptitude for.

At this point, you are simply trying to learn; you should not concern yourself with labels. However, if one label does apply, it is newbie. But fret not; as I said in the opening paragraph, everyone was a newbie once. Experience will teach you whether you are a Dom, sub or switch – and not some abstract idea of what you want to be.

In the era that predated our current Internet age, there existed a group of loosely affiliated leather groups that came to be known as the Old Guard Leather Societies. Although much is lost to history, legend is that they had a precept that, “You cannot become a Master or a Top without having been a slave or a bottom.”  Using this precept, you can try both Topping and bottoming; the Old Guard would be proud of you!

Whether you become a Dominant or a submissive, you will be better for the experience. If you wind up a switch, you will be an experienced one. Not a bad start, I must say!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: bdsm, dom, domme, fantasies, master, old guard, play parties, play party, submissive, switch

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