polyamory

Advice: I’m poly but I don’t want my Dom to get another submissive

November 11, 2018 By Baadmaster 4 Comments

Brian Vox-http://www.voxart9.com/

One of the most appealing aspects of our lifestyle is often polyamory. Having two – or even more — subs or slaves can be very hot. That being said, by all accounts, these arrangements are usually the shortest lived of BDSM unions – especially for those who want a live-in and permanent relationship. As I am a male Dominant who has had a few live-in triads with two female subs, I think I have some experience in these types of relationships. (There is a companion piece, “Polyamory,” right here on this site: https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/polyamory/ )

Earlier this year, at a discussion at L.A.’s legendary dungeon, the Lair deSade, I was asked the following question:

“I’m a female who joined a triad with a male Dom and his female sub. She dropped out and now I am his only sub. I really like this new situation. But he says he is going to find another sub. I am petrified and don’t want to be in a triad again. But I love him. What should I do?”

Obviously, this is not like the case of a “one-sub Dom” who, at a later date, decides he wants a second slave. There does not seem to be any overt dishonesty on his part; you knew he was poly from day one. Furthermore, by joining the triad, you agreed to it; he has every right to re-establish a triad should he so desire. However, before you get all bent out of shape at the prospect of your Dom adding another slave, you must first ascertain whether he is dead-set on adding a second submissive again. Saying he is going to find another sub and actually finding one can be two different things.

People’s tastes change. For example, as I had stated, I have pursued poly a number of times. None of these relationships have worked out long term; besides, they required an inordinate amount of effort to maintain. As a result, poly does not currently top my list of priorities. Similarly, this might also be your Dom’s experience with your now-defunct triad. Although he says he is going to find another sub, you should find out to what lengths he will be looking. Here is where the C-word – communication — comes in. Ask him how committed he is to the poly lifestyle. There is every possibility his experience mirrors mine; he might be open to having a one-sub relationship. Don’t assume the worst. You know what they say about assuming. So communicate, don’t assumicate! (I am not sure how good or bad that one is.)

If, however, he is firmly committed to replacing the last sub, you must do a lot of self-evaluation. In this case, you can safely conclude that you will, more than likely, never be his sole slave. Keeping this in mind, can you accept this fact? Will it make you terminally unhappy? Can you adjust? You should look back on your poly days and honestly examine those aspects of it that you liked and those you disliked. Unless it was like cleaning the Aegean Stables, there were surely aspects of poly that you enjoyed. Figure out under what circumstances you would accept another triad with your Dom. Could it be a particular type of sister-sub is acceptable? Could it be that you want an alpha-beta arrangement? Or, maybe, a few days a month, play type arrangement? Keeping all these factors in mind, it is time to go back to the old overused C-word again. Talk to your Dom. Explain your concerns, your likes, your dislikes, your needs. Any Dom contemplating a triad would appreciate this input; after all, poly is tough enough without having to guess what works best for one of the two subs.

On the other hand, if poly is totally distasteful to you and he is dead-set on having a triad, then you might not be able to salvage the situation. Love or no love, this could be just an untenable situation for you. There are times when “irreconcilable differences” are truly irreconcilable. This could be one of them; you must face this truth head on. Sad to say, I cannot always offer a solution to every problem.

Personally, I would say try to look at the good things about poly (and there are many; I speak from experience) and try to “steer” your Dom (without overtly topping from the bottom) into picking a partner that you can live with. If this is not acceptable to you, then you just might have to ask for your release and look for a “one-sub Dom.”

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

This week in kink: August 27, 2018

August 27, 2018 By Desdemona 3 Comments

Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Meet James Davis- a 36 year old army vet who lives with his wife, fiance, and two submissive sex slaves

Click here to read more

Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Ever want to take control of the conversation? Check out these conversational tips from a Dominatrix

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Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Sophie Saint Thomas dispels a lot of the mystery surrounding foot fetishes

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Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Don’t miss the new BDSM web-series titled Switch

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Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Polyfeels: Jealousy

July 30, 2018 By Eden 6 Comments

When you’re sitting at home with your heart in your throat and your phone in your hand, you’ve already screwed yourself over: your partner is out with somebody new, and all you’ve planned to do is compulsively check facebook while your jealousy makes you physically ill. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world, and if you’re Poly, you either are or will become intimately familiar with it. In this article, I’m going to talk specifically about jealousy as it relates to people practicing ethical nonmonogamy, otherwise known as polyamory.

Jealousy is one of those emotions that drives archetypal “villain” characters in almost every story, whether it’s the Evil Queen out to get her stepdaughter or an angry ex-lover determined to seek retribution. But in reality, jealousy isn’t exclusive to bad guys…we all feel it from time to time. Mercifully, it’s usually in bite-sized doses. But sometimes, we choke on it.

I never considered myself to be a jealous person, but the first time I saw my girlfriend kissing her other female partner, a twinge of mild annoyance hit me like an involuntary muscle twitch. I didn’t know what it was or why it was happening…I was the most recently integrated partner, after all. I knew about both of my Dominant’s other people, and over the next few months, I would come to genuinely love my metamour in a sincere, ever-evolving fashion. I thought the jealousy I once felt was starved half-to-death, but I was shocked to discover it lurking in the darker recesses of my heart, very much alive. It came out at weird times, and so I tried to predict it, but it kept not showing up on-schedule. I realized that the jealousy was illogical. There was no external stimuli that could provoke it, although at first I thought there was. The ugly truth settled over me: I wasn’t feeling jealous because my partner/s had done something, I was feeling jealous because I was afraid.

Fear is a powerful motivator, and in my opinion, the root of all jealousy. Because fear is inherently mercurial, my jealousy also felt fickle at the best of times. Once I connected the dots, however, I started to understand how to dismantle my jealousy. Don’t get me wrong…this is still an ongoing battle for me, but it’s one worth fighting because most of the time, I win.

Here are some of the tactics I use when jealousy arises. Hopefully, you’ll find something here that works for you.

Figure out the facts: What’s actually happening right here, right now? I mean, literally make a list of things that are true, not intuited. Compile this fact list because chances are, doing that alone will banish some of your demons.

Realize you are not helpless: Sometimes we convince ourselves that we are powerless in certain situations, but that’s just not true. There is always a choice to be made, and you always have the right to make it. We can’t control every aspect of our lives, but we do have authority over how we behave. Even if it doesn’t feel like much in the moment, that’s saying something.

Admit what you’re afraid of: Oftentimes, the thing we are most terrified of is being abandoned, discarded, or replaced. Loss is attached to some pretty painful emotions, and so it makes sense that most people fear it. Another common poly heartache is managing the division of time between multiple partners, especially if you used to have unlimited access to your lover. Our fears can be based in some pretty harsh realities, but there are still healthy ways to cope with them so that they don’t run your life.

Ask for reassurance: While you should never rely on somebody else to be your all-purpose pacifier when you feel like you aren’t handling your jealousy well, it’s okay to check in with your partner to talk about your fears and what you’re feeling, no matter how irrational you believe your worries to be. Part of living poly is processing tough stuff together. If you aren’t willing to admit out loud that you’re struggling, people are going to make mistakes and feelings are going to get hurt. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not know why you’re feeling a certain way. Just be honest and gentle, not only with your partner/s, but with yourself.

Know that you are enough: You have been enough since you were born, you are enough right now, and you will always be enough for as long as you live. Nobody can give you that gift: you already have it. It’s not up to your partner to make you believe this is true, and it’s also not within their power to take this away from you. Believe that you are worth it. Know that even if the worst happens and somebody leaves you, you will still be able to lead a life filled with love and joy and great purpose. Breakups are hard, no doubt about that, but they won’t destroy you. Only you can destroy you.

Refocus your energy: Instead of overthinking and fixating on the absence of your partner, fill your life with exciting things that are just for you. Go see a movie, write until your fingers cramp, read a good book, take a long bath, watch a favorite TV show, call a friend, take up a new hobby…whatever it takes to make YOU your main focus instead of your partner and their evening plans.

It’s not about you: The reality is, even in a poly triad where everybody is dating each other, there are three separate relationships going on inside of a fourth mega-relationship. It’s not your burden or your right to monitor somebody else’s relationship. When two people are alone together, it most likely has nothing to do with you. And that’s beautiful, because it gives you the freedom to think about yourself outside of whatever it is they’re doing. Find relief in the fact that you can choose to let it go and move on with your night.

Love is more powerful than fear: I said before that fear is a powerful motivator, but compassion and love are infinitely more powerful. Polyamory by definition means “many loves,” and that’s the real reason that we can triumph in the face of jealousy. No fear will be able to withstand the strength of your love if you choose to call upon it, and through your love, you will start to experience the opposite of jealousy…compersion. You will take joy in your partner/s joy.

At the end of the day, jealousy can feel like a hydra that keeps sprouting new heads, but when you cut it down to size and dissect the fear beneath, it suddenly becomes more manageable. Remember, nobody is immune to jealousy. No matter how intelligent you are, how skilled you are at self-analysis, you will experience jealousy because you are human. Instead of evading it or beating yourself up for feeling it, take out your sword and face it with determination. This is, after all, not a battle between you and your partner/s, but a battle between you and yourself. Polyamory offers demanding challenges like this, but if you face them instead of running away, you will emerge as a stronger, more self-aware individual. The rewards of Poly-love will follow, and they are many. After all, why do you think they call it “poly”?

About the Author

Eden studied Creative Writing and Theater at one of the many Cal State Universities. She is a self-identified poly queer woman who draws on her experiences as a submissive to talk about various issues and hot-topics in the Kink Community. She hopes that her writings will reach other new people in the scene to let them know they are not alone. If you’d like to contact Eden, please feel free to look her up on Fetlife under the handle little_miss_eden.

This week in kink: July 16, 2018

July 16, 2018 By Desdemona 3 Comments

Check out Danny Stygion’s limited print edition photo book, Dominatrices. Dominatrices collects images of 19 Dominatrices over a ten year period. Dressed in various fetish clothing, the Dommes are photographed against Dungeon locations, hotel rooms, and elegant interior settings. There is a mixture of film and continuous lighting techniques contrasted with digital and off camera flash lighting techniques.

Dominatrices featured:

Athena Fatale
Chloe Manson
Mistress Daria
Mistress Devore
Mistress Dieve
Ella Strictland
Mistress Eva
Mistress Genevieve
Idelsy Love
Domina Irene Boss
Jasmine Mendez
Jewell Marceau
Kendra James
Lady Falcon
Necrofoxx
Mistress Precious
Maitresse Renee
Domina Shannon
Ms Vanity Sin

Links: www.stygion.com, www.sinicalmagazine.com, www.subspacemag.com.

Ever wonder how to have amazing and quiet sex while the kids are asleep?

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Some of us are poly and some of us are monogamous. Some of us have closed relationships; others have open ones. Click to here to find out why open relationships can be just as fulfilling as taking the monogamous route.

Check out this informative interview with CEO of Kink.com, Alison Boden

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Consent is so essential. Click here to join a movement that aims to get the public talking about consent and educate the masses on the subject

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Poly Dating vs. Childbirth (just go with it)

August 7, 2017 By Jenn Masri 4 Comments

I know what you’re thinking – “WHAAAA????” Just stick with me here and I’ll explain.

A discussion came up at the most recent SoCal Poly Support Group meeting about poly dating. Somebody was sharing some bits and pieces about their dating life – the highs and lows (as I’m sure most people have experienced, poly or not). This person said that their opinion was that it was easier to date an already established poly couple as opposed to a “singleton” – someone who is dating and perhaps has partners but not an anchor partner. They said it had mainly to do with ambiguity vs. established structure. That when they dated singletons (did I make this term up? Is there another term I should be using? Let me know.) it felt very ambiguous and unstructured. They were unsure of where they stood or who they were to the other person. Yet when they dated established couples OR one half of an established couple, the rules were laid out and they went into it knowing the expectations, etc. for the relationship.

As I sat there and listened – others spoke up – some in agreement and some with opposing views. I thought back to the various poly structures I’d been involved with over the years. I thought about the differences – both in the beginning and as the relationships went on. Somehow my strange mind went to childbirth. I have had two children. One vaginally and one via C-section. I was listening to people say how much “easier” it is to date couples or part of a couple and that brought back memories of people telling me that a C-section was so much “easier” than vaginal birth. They weren’t wrong. Yet they left out the part about recovery and the road being much longer after that “easy” C-section.

Finally I spoke up. “Dating a couple vs. a singleton is like vaginal childbirth vs. a C-section.”
After the initial response of confusion and curiosity and “Huh??’s”, I tried to explain. Dating a couple or part of a couple can seem easier in the beginning due to the reasons this person stated – rules and expectations are already basically in place. Just like the C-section, this initial phase is smooth sailin’. However, in both scenarios you never know how it will be long term. While it’s possible to continue on a smooth course with the couple (or half of a couple) it can also very easily turn rocky. Just as after the initial drugs wear off after surgery – you may just need a couple pain meds or you may end up feeling like if you stand up too fast all your guts are gonna fall out. (true story) This is because you are trying to fit into another established dynamic. That dynamic may be stable or, in many cases it may not.

On the other hand if you are dating a singleton – this can start off with ambiguity and instability because nothing has been established yet. There is difficulty much of the time in creating structure, rules, expectations, etc. from the ground up with someone new. Just like going thru the pain and difficulty of vaginal childbirth. (See where I’m going with this?) However, once you can get through that and establish a solid foundation (yes this can take years) – the long term may come with a more peaceful current. Just as there is some pain in recovery from vaginal birth – it was nothing compared to recovering from my C-section. I was back to “normal” much faster.

It isn’t a perfect metaphor and no example will ever cover all cases. This represents some of my poly experiences as well as others’ I know. It also represents my childbirth experiences which can also be very different for different people. I just thought it was an interesting comparison and, quite honestly, the support group encouraged me to make an article out of it. So there ya have it. Poly dating being compared to how you get a baby human out of your body. I hope you’ve enjoyed the read!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Is Long-Term Poly Possible?

July 10, 2017 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

I have already written some articles on kinkweekly.com on polyamory. Still, I get quizzed on poly triads more than on any other BDSM topic. Perhaps it is the fantasy. The Dom/me having two slaves to serve him/her is ultra hot. But I am talking about more than just a casual threesome which happens as much in the vanilla world as around here. I am examining long-term poly relationships and the big question, “Is long-term poly really possible?”

In my opinion, in the short term, the answer is definitely yes. The excitement of a new poly relationship is much like the “honeymoon” period of any liaison. And it works for a while. As to long-term polyamory, that is a bit more problematical. BDSM relationships between two people are notoriously short-lived. When you add a third human being into the D/s mix, you are just complexifying (my word!) an already hard-to-maintain relationship. I am living testament to this sad truth; I personally have gone oh-for-two in long-term triads. (Of course there are many long-lived, wonderful poly relationships. But these are the exceptions, not the rule.)

So why is polyamory so difficult? In the typical poly relationship with an alpha and a beta slave, someone is voluntarily accepting being lower on the totem pole. The concept of “I live for my Master/Mistress and will serve him/her as the “beta slave” works fine in theory – or online! But this is a hard mental space to maintain in real time. Most people, in any type of relationship from fetish to vanilla, like to be ‘numero uno’ with respect to their significant other. And the alpha, although first in the pecking order, still must learn to share the Master/Mistress. For both submissives, this is easier said than done.

Unlearning ego, jealousy and possessiveness, which both the beta and the alpha slave must do, is extremely difficult. But although it is difficult, it is not impossible. In order to override these natural needs, both slaves must ultimately embrace — whether through training or other means — their respective statuses.

I might add that in the poly world the most popular arrangement seems to be an alpha-beta hierarchy for the submissives. But there are other polyamory systems. The alpha-alpha structure of two equal slaves is another way of setting up poly. As I had stated in a previous article, I believe that an “alpha-alpha” system might be easier to maintain for the Dominant. If the Dom/me can divide his/her attentions somewhat evenly, resentment can be eliminated as a divisive issue. After all, there is no “beta slave” who, by definition, gets less attention. I think this is less adversarial to human nature than alpha-beta and likely easier to maintain in the long run. But this is just a guess. We are dealing with human relationships here, not science. And many other systems keep popping up as people experiment in ways to make poly work.

As much as I love poly, I truly believe it is antithetical to basic human nature. It requires work to overcome this hurdle. A lot of work. If a Master/Mistress has accomplished the formidable task of finding/training two slaves who are totally happy serving, I believe it is less about the system/hierarchy than about the basic compatibility of the three people. I think this is the key. You can talk about alpha/beta or an alpha/alpha type arrangements until you are blue in the face. Ultimately, my two failed attempts at long-term poly were unsuccessful because the people involved weren’t comfortable with each other over time. And that is the key.

Getting two people to be intimate over a long period is tough enough. (Just look at the divorce rates.) So imagine the odds of three people getting on in a demanding D/s arrangement. “Is long-term poly possible?” The answer is “yes,” – but it might take a while before three ultra-compatible lifestylers are found.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Poly Hierarchy

April 17, 2017 By Jenn Masri 3 Comments

Want to know the right way to do poly? I have the answer.

The answer is…….there is no right way! Sorry.

There may be a right way for one person, however, that may not be the right way for another, or anyone else for that matter. One part of “doing poly” is how you describe your poly. What words do you use to describe various partners, metamours, or yourself?

It seems that the hierarchical terms of “primary” and “secondary” were pretty accepted universally (back in the day). This acceptance seems to be changing. Many poly folks do not like these terms because it makes it sound like a “primary” partner is more important than a “secondary” one. So there have been a few solutions to this. One is finding different terms. One I like is “anchor partner” or “nesting partner” (yes these would take the place of various types of primary partners). Others do away with terms altogether.

I would like to state my personal opinion, however, which is counter to the popular one. I am, personally, not offended by the use of primary and secondary. I was in a relationship triad where I was the secondary partner, or “third”. For me it helped form my role within the triad. I knew what to expect as well as what was expected of me. I never assigned a “less than” meaning to it. It was more of a descriptor of my role. In my current relationship status I have an “anchor” partner, or primary, and I am with someone to whom I am a secondary partner and she is my secondary partner as well. She has her own primary (or nesting partner) – since they share a home. Our relationship is different than my relationship with my primary and it’s different then her relationship with hers. Different is ok. It doesn’t mean we aren’t important to one another. If I need to go to the hospital, my anchor partner is most likely the one to take me. If I need to discuss financial issues, etc – I am more likely to discuss it with my anchor because it effects his life more that hers. It just is what it is. I also see my anchor partner almost every day, while my secondary partner and I see one another when we can, however, due to our schedules and distance it’s usually only 1-3 times a month on average.

My opinion is that if it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. And that duck is no more or less important that another swan in the pond – only different. I also realize that some poly tribes honestly have no hierarchy – no life crossovers (finances, kids, shared household, etc.) and so hierarchical terms don’t fit anyway. I also understand that many people don’t like the terms because it sounds like they imply better or worse.
My opinion is that words hold the weight that you assign them. I have never attached value to these descriptors – only used them as an easier way to explain the situation and relationships I’m in.

Just like everything else with poly – come up with and use words that work for you and your people.

This week in kink, April 10th, 2017

April 11, 2017 By Desdemona 1 Comment

I appreciated the style in which photographer Max Eicke captured these professional Dominas. He profiles them in a new book. Take a look at some of his work here along with a brief interview.

We are very excited that Wry’s Polytalks with Ethical Slut author Janet Hardy and Opening Up author Tristan Taormino are back! Tickets are limited to 100. This is a powerhouse talk to attend if you are poly or even poly curious.

Take a look inside the wild world of professional BDSM abduction fantasies. It looks like I need to get into a new line of work because this seems like it would be really fun! Who knew New York would be the center of this business. Vice profiles one Dominatrix and her journey through a planned abduction scene fro start to finish.

While this seems like a no brainer to most, its a sad fact that predators use dating apps to attract inexperienced women into BDSM. It can be difficult to differentiate safe play and dangerous tendencies for a newbie. This goes for both women and men. She Knows offers some key tips for those pursuing kink through dating apps.

-Dexx

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

Jealousy and Polyamory

January 30, 2017 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

Polyamory is so appealing – especially to Dominant types — that I think it might be one of the major reasons so many people enter this lifestyle. With much of what we do now being offered, however inaccurately, to the general public – from Fifty Shades to Porn Conventions like AVN welcoming BDSM participants – Poly might be one of the last “secret” aspects of BDSM. Surely, there are few guidebooks on the best way to keep a poly D/s family working. There are lots of threesomes; but a threesome does not a Poly relationship make. I have covered some basics in two previous Kink Weekly articles. Now I will address specifically one of the chief reasons these arrangements often fail. Jealousy!

Since jealousy is such a destroyer of unions – from the most vanilla of vanilla to 24/7 Master/slave relationships – I will try to examine how jealousy intrudes into Polyamory and how best to handle it.

Whenever lifestylers discuss jealousy, there is invariably a person who says, “A slave who is jealous is just poorly trained. A good Master/Mistress should be able to eliminate most of it in a slave.” There might be some truth to the statement, but totally purging jealousy, even by an experienced Dominant, is unlikely. Jealousy seems to be an irrational human emotion programmed into all of us, to a greater or lesser degree. Even if a submissive is not a particularly jealous type, once another sub is brought into the picture, jealousy will almost invariably rear its ugly head.

If you have read my previous articles, you would know that I am not a fan of the typical “alpha slave/beta slave” arrangement. Unless both parties enthusiastically endorse their respective roles, this might not be the way to go. This is where understanding both slaves’ psyches is of utmost importance. Before the Dominant brings in a second slave, and calls her/him the “beta,” he/she should make sure that this is what both submissives want. Yes, there are those submissives who truly crave being either first or second in the pecking order. But many Dom/mes often assume, when adding a second slave, that this slave is the “beta” simply because she/he is the newer one. And that the so-called “alpha” is happy with a second slave. Dominance is not the antidote to jealousy! What often happens is that this slave, who might not be cut out to play second fiddle, is really just hoping to eventually become number one. And that the “alpha” is hoping the beta just disappears!

Jealousy can lead to a strategy that many Dominants are unaware of. By assuming the position that requires more sacrifice, the beta can create the appearance of being the more submissive of the two. This can get make the alpha extremely jealous – especially if the alpha perceives that this “ultra-submissiveness” is captivating the Master/Mistress. Then, if the jealous alpha gives the Dom an ultimatum, “It is her/him or me,” and is not careful in the way this request is phrased, it could easily backfire and lead to the dismissal of the alpha. Thus, a conniving beta sub can manipulate jealousy to completely ruin everything. I have seen this scenario happen far too often – once even to me! — to think it is just coincidence.
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Although jealousy and competition between slaves is almost impossible to eliminate, an alpha/alpha system appears to minimize jealousy. Here, the Dominant can give attention to them in the proportion that each one needs. The Dominant (and it is the Dom/me who is setting up the rules) can thus adjust his/her attentions from day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month, as the situation demands and is not stuck treating one as “numero uno.”

Jealousy is difficult to eradicate in a one-sub relationship; imagine how much harder it is to eradicate it with two subs. By all accounts, Poly is the shortest lived of all BDSM unions. Keeping this in mind, I suggest understanding what roles the subs are most comfortable in and work it from there – rather than try to push them into a dynamic that they really despise. My personal opinion is that jealousy can best be managed when a Dominant is aware that it lurks around every corner of the relationship and works hard to keep both subs feeling secure. (And, of course, the subs should try to keep their jealousy in check!) Being aware that jealousy can never be eliminated – and staying vigilant in addressing jealousy and nipping it in the bud as quickly as you can – is the best way to control, but not eradicate, jealousy.

polyamory

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Model: Miss Fetilicious

Model: Miss Fetilicious

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