power exchange

The Importance of Recognition And How It Differs From Praise

October 27, 2021 By Ms. Rika 3 Comments

sexy power exchange couple, submissive blindfolded — via stock.adobe.com

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all my articles in KinkWeekly!

In my past articles and books, particularly when discussing CERAF (Communication, Expectations, Recognition, Assessment, and Feedback), I’ve highlighted the importance of “Recognition” within power dynamics. The “greatest fear” that submissives have repeatedly expressed to me, is that they are in their dynamics alone; that the power dynamic is in their heads; that their partners are somewhat indifferent to the power dynamic; and that they are fabricating the connection themselves.

When experiencing this fear, many submissives will test the resolve of their dominant partner. They will act up, become irreverent, or outright challenge their dominant partner. They seek attention – but not just any attention – they seek to force the dominant to demonstrate that they understand their position and will “use it” to bring about compliance.

This type of behavior is problematic on many fronts, all of which serve to dilute the dominant’s position of authority: It forces the dominant to respond (when they don’t want to) – a form of manipulation, it openly challenges the dominant’s authority – a direct denial of the dynamic, and it often results in “topping from the bottom”. It is clearly NOT DESIREABLE.

I was in a discussion a couple of days ago, where the topic of “Praise” of a submissive came up. Although the participants weren’t directly identifying it as such, the key points of the discussion were primarily revolving around the submissive’s “fear of abandonment”. They brought up the sullen nature some submissives will take when they are not “appreciated”. They even brought up the bratty behavior of some submissives, when they feel the dominant is not as involved as they wanted. The idea was that praise was important to give a submissive, when the submissive did something for you, to acknowledge their efforts and to make them feel good about their service. To encourage them to continue to serve.

Praise is fine; when it’s appropriate and deserved. However, I took the stance, that praise wasn’t the important factor in demonstrating the acknowledgement they were seeking, but rather that RECOGNITION was the key. I claim that it isn’t critical to praise a sub, but rather to let the sub know you recognize their efforts – recognize them from a position of dominance – and recognize the submissive intent the sub had when performing the action. This sends a clear and consistent message: That you are involved in the dynamic, expect benefit from it, and have interest in making their submission the best it can possibly be for you.

For those linguistic sticklers, I point out that there is a huge difference between praise and recognition. Recognition may not always be praising and can even be constructive…and yet, still be very confirming. Demonstrating to a submissive, that you recognize their efforts to serve you, helps to reassure them that they are not alone in their efforts…that the power dynamic is shared and important to both of you.

Recognition can come without assessment. “I see you trying” is different than “I like what I see”. Recognition is always positive to receive, even if the ultimate assessment isn’t. For example, if I correct a submissive as they attempt to do something to serve me, I am demonstrating that I see their efforts and are receiving them from a position of dominance with the submission he intended – however, I am correcting him – so the actual message is that there is something he could be doing better and I expect him to understand the correction and adapt to it.

There is a reason “Recognition” is at the center of CERAF and that it is independent from Assessment and Feedback. It could be argued that Assessment and Feedback are already forms of recognition…and that would be true, IF you could provide IMMEDIATE Assessment and Feedback. However, there are several reasons why it’s not reasonable to give immediate Assessment and Feedback: Life gets in the way; It may not be convenient at the time; It may be tiring at the time; It may take a more prolonged performance to provide a complete assessment; etc. Even in such cases, it’s important to demonstrate recognition of the sub’s effort.

It doesn’t have to be a large, or even spoken, recognition…it needs to be one that is understood by the submissive to mean “I see you trying”. Those of you who have read my writing before, may remember “Simple Gifts” – Things you can do, that take no effort, that make no commitment – but communicate recognition. It can be a knowing glance or smile, a quick “Good boy”, a “You serve me so well” …or even a “we’ll talk about this later”.

Submissives who receive immediate recognition of their submission, even if it is independent of the assessment of their efforts, are far more likely to continue to strive to “submit better”. Immediate feedback that their efforts are recognized provides continued incentive. The assessment will come…Submission is not a “one-and-done” event – it’s a lifetime journey of growth, feedback, reassessment, and improvement. But quick and immediate recognition keeps the connection active and present.

Praise is great. Praise, when deserved is something I never hold back. But praise requires assessment – and sometimes, assessment takes time. And sometimes, the assessment is not positive. Dominants, recognize your sub’s efforts immediately; and communicate your assessment whenever it is convenient. You will find that their performance will be far more consistent and rewarding!

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at Ms_Rika@hotmail.com

Showing Appreciation in BDSM And Power Exchange Dynamics

October 20, 2021 By Ms. Rika 2 Comments

hot lesbian rope bunnies — via stock.adobe.com

Gratitude: We recognize and enjoy what our partners do for us. We are humble in our receipt of their efforts. We want to express our appreciation to them in a way that expresses our deepest gratitude. Dominant or submissive, when our partners are gracious with their time and focus, we are compelled to show our gratitude. I am always grateful for the dedication and commitment my subs provide. I am open and honest regarding what their submission means to me as a means of validating their efforts.

But too often, appreciation is shown in a way that is intended to modify behavior. The difference between “Appreciation” and “Reward” is blurred. Appreciation shows gratitude…Reward is manipulation.

I was having an online discussion the other day with a man whose wife had just agreed to lock him up for the month of October (Loctober). He was expressing how thrilled he was that his wife had agreed to put him in chastity and that she had also agreed to tease him throughout the month, so that the impact of his denial would be maximized. As this decision was something he had asked her for, and, though she felt she might enjoy it, did not feel it was something that “served her” directly, he recognized she was providing a gift to him; that she was voluntarily signing up for a sub-centric month that would put responsibility and obligation on her, for the expressed purpose of piquing his libido.

He wanted to show his gratitude and had come up with what he considered a good way to communicate it to her. He decided to do a huge number of tasks, chores, etc. for her during the month and to write down each and every thing he did in a journal. He felt he would then present it to her at the end of the month as a means of saying “Thank you”.

Honestly, I was a little confused. My first instinct was to change the journal from a list of things he did for her to a journal of thanks – for allowing him to do those things for her. Rather than saying, “I filled your car with gas today”, I felt it would be better to say, “Thank you for letting me fill your car with gas today. I enjoyed feeling useful and helping you avoid doing something you dislike”. I felt that this would be better than just listing things she likely already knew that he did, with no real mention of thanks.

But then, I started thinking about the whole idea of this journal – and realized that, intentionally or not, he was anticipating playing the manipulative game so many men who want to be in chastity play: He was going to try to show her the “Benefits” to her of keeping him in chastity – by being especially good while locked up, doing things with no resistance that he COULD do for her without the chastity – but won’t.

Effectively, this journal would be communicating: “Look at all the things I am willing to do for you when you keep me desperate and horny!” The message is loud and clear: “If you want me to do these things without resistance, here’s the way to do it”. It’s a form of manipulation which is, unfortunately, quite common with men who like chastity play.

I was very pleased that he was recognizing that being locked up and teased during October was a treat…something she wanted to give to him, for him. It was good that he recognized her generosity and wanted to show his gratitude. However, the means of showing that gratitude were falling directly into that stereotypical, manipulative trap.

I posed the question to him: “What are you showing your gratitude for?” My assumption was that he wanted to show his gratitude for her spending all that time teasing him and thinking about his situation…keeping his libido piqued, etc. So, I asked him, “Why not say THAT in this journal?” I told him that it would be better for him to thank her for applying so much focus and attention on him and his libido. I challenged him to show that appreciation by directly appreciating what she’s doing without using it to encourage further interaction.

October is just beginning…his “Loctober” is only a week in…there will be plenty of fun times ahead of them. If they keep up the schedule of tease that they anticipate, he will be MIGHTY desperate come Sept 1! I hope she’s aware and ready for the “obligation” of making the release – after such a long ordeal – something worth remembering. We’ll see.

We’ll also see if he rectifies the manipulation within his journal plan. He states that he didn’t intend to manipulate her, but can see how doing what he was intending would do that. But the proof is in the pudding – and if she’s not aware of the potential for manipulation – he may not be able to resist. Only time will tell.

Appreciation is best shown in a selfless manner. You need to find a way to show gratitude without self gain. Make sure you’re not “Rewarding” behavior – rather, that you’re “Appreciating” it. Then your partner will have a clear, unencumbered view of the pleasure their gift brings you – and thus, reap the true benefits – to them – of giving treats.

Erotica: Bad Kitty

October 20, 2021 By Sunny 2 Comments

sexy Asian slave bound — via stock.adobe.com

***This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All characters are consenting adults.

I stand before him in just my panties. They’re the little ones with pink ruffles on the edges and a print made of tiny pink hearts and kitties. He’s standing at the foot of the bed. The new frame has arrived and I note the iron bars on the headboard that allow plenty of attachment points for restraints.

He unbuckles his belt and I feel the slick begin to soak my panties. I’m always wet and ready for Daddy. I smile as he sits down on the edge. Daddy feels my energy shift. “Not so fast Babygirl,” he says, folding the belt in his hands and making my heart begin to race. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen Daddy but I think someone has been touching her kitty and making explosions without Daddy’s permission.” I look at my toes, shame heating my cheeks and turning them pink. “Do you know who that little girl might be?”

I look up at Daddy and my eyes begin to brim with tears. “Blaidd,” I whisper, always being honest with Daddy. “I’m sorry Daddy, it’s just been such a long time.”

“I forgive you sweetheart,” Daddy says, “but we need to make this right before you deserve to have Daddy’s cock.” Daddy knows I’ve had the special herbal blend that heightens every sensation in my body. I’ve already begun to tingle when he pats his lap, indicating that I should assume the position. I’m nervous but I don’t fight him this time. I know that I’ve been naughty, and it has been a lot of times.

Daddy peels my panties off gently, and sets the soaked fabric aside. He runs his fingers through my slick as he lays me over one knee on the bed and tosses the other leg over my lower back, pinning me in place. CRACK. The first strike lands on my bottom. It hurts and I whimper. “One,” I count out loud.

Two more strikes land, and while it hurts, the herbs are in full force now and I notice that every touch, every brush of fabric or Daddy against my skin, causes tingles between my legs. Even the belt strikes, which bring pain with every blow, begin to hurt good. “Five,” I count.

Daddy lets me up and I’m surprised. Only five stripes is generous of Daddy given the number of illicit orgasms. “All done Daddy?” I whimper. Daddy smiles and massages my sore bum for a moment, nearly causing me to come. I resist. I’ll be sure to ask permission this time.

“Not quite little one,” he says gently but firmly. “You see, Kitty has also been naughty. She was an active participant in this week’s shenanigans.” I pale just a little as he grabs me around the waist and drags me onto the center of the bed. This time I do squirm and resist as he binds me spread eagled on the bed with a cleverly hidden set of underbed restraints. “It’s only fair baby, you have a very naughty kitty.”

I cry out when the first blow of the belt lands directly on my clit. The strikes are fairly soft but my anticipation amplifies the sensation by a thousand times. The pace begins to increase as I whimper and squirm on the bed, soaking the sheets beneath me. The hardness of the strikes begins to gradually increase, right in time with my pain and arousal.

I call his name out loud now. “Daddy please,” I beg, unsure if I’m pleading for the pain to stop or for it to continue. The blows keep coming down and certainty about what I need fills my mind as I find myself on the precipice of coming. I ask permission this time. “Daddy please. More. I need to explode.”

“Good girl!” he says enthusiastically, increasing both the speed and the intensity of the belt. “Come for Daddy!” His words and the frantic beating of the belt push me past the brink of sanity. as pain and pleasure bleed together and I detonate, convulsing on the mattress.

Daddy frees me and pulls me to my hands and knees. “Now you deserve Daddy’s cock,” he announces before looping his belt around my ribs and slamming into me from behind. I scream silently now as he uses the belt to control my breath while he pounds relentlessly into my tiny, abused kitty.

I gasp as he loosens the belt just enough to let it slide down and retighten around my waist, and using it for leverage then, begins to fuck me with abandon. I claw the sheets and whimper as he snarls behind me and sinks his teeth into the tender flesh between my shoulder and my throat. “Mine,” he growls, words clear despite being uttered around a mouthful of me. He doesn’t release me until he makes his own explosion, filling me with his seed.

We both collapse on the bed, and he pulls me close, catching some of the seeds dripping from between my thighs and pressing his fingers into my mouth. I suck them clean and he kisses me deeply then before wrapping me tightly in his arms. “I missed you,” he says, as I press my forehead to his and run my hands along the sides of his face, memorizing every line and curve. “I missed you too,” I whisper. “With Daddy is where I’m meant to be.”

Sunny Leigh Mayne is writer of romance and erotica specializing in dark romance and fetish/BDSM stories. An active member of the BDSM community, her interests include erotic hypnosis, dollification, sensual BDSM, and primal play. Identifying as pansexual, Sunny enjoys writing stories that are inclusive of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Her writings are intended for mature audiences aged 18 and older, and may contain some content triggers that some readers may find disturbing. She is also a visual artist and enjoys creating erotic art using mixed media. A lover of animals, and a proponent of animal rights advocacy, Sunny has several pets at home. Characters in all stories by Sunny Leigh Mayne are adults and any similarities to persons real or fictional are purely coincidental. Her books can be found at https://www.amazon.com/author/sunnyleighmayne

What Is Aftercare?

October 13, 2021 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

poly family, ethical non-monogamy — via stock.adobe.com

As more and more new people join the Kink Community on the edges and middle of the pandemic, the more I realize how little knowledge some are stepping into this world with. I recently wrote about pain processing in kink. Today, I want to briefly discuss the aftermath of a scene.

When we say the word scene, generally we are talking about an agreed-upon period of time between two or more people, wherein they perform some negotiated kink experience. It may be impact, it may be needles, or humiliation, or any one of a number of kinks that people share.

As I discussed in my post on pain, the body of the receiver in this event is likely experiencing some chemical side effects, brought to them courtesy of their brain. Adrenaline and endorphins are a potent cocktail. When the activities we engage in trigger those chemical responses, it can be a heady experience. Often, the person who has experienced them will be slightly euphoric or “spacey” afterwards. Some people refer to “subspace,” but I prefer more scientific explanations of what is happening.

Because that can be a sensation that feels different for different people, some find it disorienting. Others feel “loopy” or giggly. Some will need to come out of that headspace gradually, while others prefer a more abrupt return to reality. The period of time after the scene has ended is often called aftercare.

Aftercare looks different based on who you ask. Some people want a blanket and cuddles, some want a stuffie and chocolate. I want a high five and to be told I was a good girl. Some take an hour to gradually ease out of that headspace, others want to giggle away in a group of friends. In some cases, people may prefer that aftercare be administered by someone they didn’t scene with, such as a friend or relationship partner. It is important to include negotiations for the kind of aftercare you need when you are discussing a scene with a potential partner.

If you don’t know what you need for aftercare because you are newer to this, it may be a part of your journey which requires experimentation. Ask yourself following a scene what would bring you comfort. Prepare for many scenarios, such as bringing a favorite comfortable item of clothing to change into, an emotional attachment object, a protein bar, or a sugary snack you enjoy in order to give yourself options when the time comes.

If you are a more experienced kinkster and know that you’ll be having a scene with less experienced players, perhaps consider packing an emergency aftercare bag with some basics in it, in case it is something they aren’t familiar with, or don’t know yet what they need. It isn’t a terrible idea to have things on hand that help others. That’s part of why I always carry a mini first aid kit with me to the dungeon, despite it having three available. My band-aids are cuter.

Please remember, even though there are tops who will hand you off to someone else for aftercare because it isn’t their thing, the important part is finding healthy ways to transition yourself back to life as the chemicals leave the body – and keep these things in mind for the possible drop following after the chemicals break down even further. What you need is what you need during this process.

Knowledge is power, and by understanding what we need on our kink journeys, we give ourselves an amazing gift.

How “Total” Power Exchange Is Manifested

October 13, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

hot sexy Domme with whip, male submissive — via stock.adobe.com

There’s been a lot of yammering about the “total” part of total power exchange, and a lot of “whatabout” ism as people try to prove that total isn’t total at all.

People seem to think that the “total” in TPE means the dom is making every single decision every single minute of the day, and those decisions are all about the extremes of life and death matters. They seem to think decisions made must be to the detriment of the sub/slave half of the dynamic.

What they fail to see is that it also means the sub/slave is doing what the dom wants without having to constantly ask for a decision or be threatened with punishment. TPE requires obedience on the part of the sub/slave. If the sub/slave won’t obey, there is no power exchange. Disobedience/noncompliance is keeping control. Obedience/compliance gives control.

The dom/master/owner gives the rules and the sub/slave/property obeys them. That’s the power. It’s not about the teeniest little thing being dictated. It’s about doing things how the dom wants them to be without pitching a bitch about it every single time. It’s knowing “this” is what they want…and fulfilling their wishes.

You know he doesn’t like rye bread. So you don’t make his lunch with rye bread. Do you have to be told a thousand times that he doesn’t like rye bread? No. He told you once and you remember. You can buy it for yourself if you want, unless he decrees he doesn’t want it in the house. If he doesn’t want it in the house, don’t fucking buy it.

THAT is the T in TPE.

EW decided once that I was not to address anyone by any title. His decision was final. I abided by that decision regardless who didn’t like it. When there came a time that someone had earned my respect (Lon_RM, who I have come to regard as the father I wish I’d had) that I wanted to use the title in his name (MasterLon, at that point), I went to EW and explained. He agreed and the exception was made. The rule was NOT changed for anyone else.

It was EW’s decision to make the exception. There was another time when I had asked for an exception and he’d said no. I abided by that decision, whether I liked it or not. That is total power.

I asked EW to flog me long enough that I naturally fell asleep. He refused. I had to abide by that decision, because he would never relent and I was not to ask again. I had nothing to say about his decision. I was not given the luxury of an opinion on the matter. That is total power.

There was a night he’d forgotten his keys. He was already in Manhattan and did not have the time to travel half an hour back home and half an hour into work again. I had a full plate of food in front of me. A delicious corned beef supper. I had to put that supper in the fridge, get my shoes on, and take him his keys. There was no option for me to say “after I eat”. It had to be now because Master needed it NOW. There wasn’t a single second of complaint about it from me. This was my job as his sub: To do as he required. Period. He had that total power to command. An hour and a half later (because waiting for trains and walking blocks through neighborhood), I was back home and finally able to eat my supper at 9 o’clock at night.

Having “total” power also means having discretion over when to exert their will and when not to.

He knew he could insert his own ideas into my books. He could use that power if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to write or how. He felt it would not be appropriate. That is discretion.

He could have told me what kinds of leather goods to make. He could have told me never to use skulls or upside down crosses if he wanted. He chose never to tell me what to make or how to make it. That is discretion. He did, however, greatly enjoy prototype day, and some of my innovations. He particularly liked the 3-sided, meatier handles.

He could have bent me over and fucked me during the most painful days of my period if he wanted. He chose mercy, and would sometimes jerk off onto my tits instead. All I had to do was kneel or sit there and hold my tits up. He chose not to cause me more pain and discomfort. He chose discretion.

There was a time we discussed a piercing or tattoo to mark me as his. Then he worked a season with the Freak Show from Coney Island hanging in Blood Manor. He came home one morning and declared that he would never get me pierced or tattooed. Ever. Didn’t matter if I wanted the piercing or tattoo. He had decided, and the matter was at his discretion in the first place. When the time came that I wanted a simple tattoo as research for a book, he allowed it because it was for my own reasons and not something marking me as his. When I asked, months later, if I could get it finished, he said no. I did not sneak out behind his back to get the tattoo finished. Because total power exchange.

He chose to allow me to learn to top others. He could have put a stop to it at any time. In the last couple years of our relationship, he let me go to spanking parties and receive. But there were rules for both. I could not touch the genitals of anyone. No one could touch my genitals. There was no kissing. No mouths touched me and my mouth touched no one. This was completely within his power to permit or refuse at any time, any party. Even if I was about to walk out the door, he could have told me to stay home and I would have had to obey. Because total…and at his discretion.

I didn’t ever intentionally disobey him on trivial things or for trivial reasons. He knew anything I did that was contrary to what he might have wanted was a “rock/hard place” moment and I made the best decision I could…in good faith.

Not once was his “power” diminished by any of his decisions. He chose when how to use his authority and exert himself…and chose when not. He made what he felt was the correct decision in the moment.

And I didn’t turn every decision into a battle in order to have my way. Pissing and moaning over every decision, undermining every decision or overriding them and doing whatever the fuck I wanted, would have undermined the entire TPE dynamic. It would not have been “total”.

TPE meant he decided and I abided. Period.

TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty eight fiction books. She’s been doing this bdsm stuff for 34 years and lived TPE relationships for 31 years.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

She enjoys crocheting, diamond painting, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

Video: Can you be submissive and masculine?

October 13, 2021 By Evie Lupine 2 Comments

Tune into this week’s featured video to disband submissive stereotypes with Evie Lupine!

Submission, Masculinity and Stereotypes [BDSM]

Watch this video on YouTube

Erotica: The Negotiation

October 7, 2021 By eve 2 Comments

hot submissive wanting to please her dominant — via stock.adobe.com

He finished his beer and suggested they leave the bar. It was crisp out but not cold. Sally-sub starts to mark her territory. As they walked, their footsteps echoed off the cobblestones. Sally stepped in front of her Mistress, knitted her fingers through the long black locks, and kissed her full on the mouth. The explanation of pleasure was audible as the Domme returned her Subs kiss. He watched the two women become lost in their passion; his cock strained against the button fly of his denims. He quietly walked over, removed the Subs fingers, and growled, “not tonight.”

He clamped Sally’s upper arm, forcing the women apart. While Sally fell into line at his side, her Domme was taken aback, and her feet cemented to the ground so mutated, he was caught off gu when he stepped forward.

“Who the fuck! Do you think you are to pull my slut off of me? I can handle her just fine. I do not need you getting up in my business -asshole.” she spat the words. He didn’t miss a beat. He simply maneuvered her with his strength and growled while holding eye contact. He held her gaze and arm until she broke by, turning away as she blinked. Her body language said it all. Her head was facing down, and she looked up through her hair moving forward. If she wanted him to play, she had to submit, now. He wasn’t going to be topped from the bottom. He released her arm, and she walked next to him completely under her power. The terms had been agreed for tonight she would be his sub, she would be his slut; she would find pleasure in the release of obedience. They walked, the conversation moved from how nice and well-kept the area was to what the ice cream shop was doing for a fall promotion. Once they were all conversing freely, in began to lay out his expectations. “Either both of you agree, or we don’t do this. I understand the dynamic of your relationship. When we get to your place, I will grab a shower and give you two a chance to run over what you want together. I expect you to have all the toys and impact implements laid out on the coffee or kitchen table. Make sure you each drink a large glass of water and eat something.” His tone was bright and casual. “From our previous conversation, I know no foot play, but bound in restraints by the ankles is ok. No metal music because it can trigger.”

Sally was dragging her feet and visibly bothered by what he was saying. He walked to a bench along their route and sat at the far end. He gestured for the two women to join him. Sally sat on the other end so that Mistress was in the middle. Mistress raised a finger as he began to speak. He chose to let her take over.

“Sally, you are a very naughty sub tonight. I let the kids go because we have been drinking, and I know you are jealous, but anymore defiance and I will put you in the cage, restrained so you will watch every lick of his tongue, the slap of his hand and bulge of his cock. Do we have a problem?”

No Mistress, Sally bent over and placed her head in her Mistress’s lap. Mistress stroked Sally’s hair.

“Right!” he said, so that is your wish list for tonight. I’d like a few more details of what you’d like.”

Mistress explained that she wanted the release of surrender. She wanted to see her sub used well, but no penetration. Sally could and should be used for oral. She had become a bit too possessive lately and needed to be reminded of how she could be used if Mistress felt it was warranted. They would not require any prep time.

“Lay it out for me. What is your fantasy or version of a night with us three?” He motioned between them, and his hand halted on her thigh. His thumb stroked sub’s hair as he held Domme’s gaze.

“We go back to our place. “She dipped her head towards Sally. “Sally will lay out the session toys. I will direct her. Her task is to watch you seduce and pleasure me in a way she can’t. She has been a bit too possessive lately. A lesson is to be taught. You- are a tool in my arsenal. She is yours to use before you and I. I will direct her as to her task and expectations. You and I will shower. I want to be seduced, smothered and brought to just feeling, not thinking. Lemon and pepper for caution and stop.”

Sally’s face soured as he listened. She was familiar with protecting her witch. Her disdain for him was palpable.

He smiled, nodded, stood, and waited for Mistress to lead the way. They strolled and made small talk. Sally sped up to open the apartment and prepare for the session. Mistress and Domme moved silently, but she matched his stride.

Privacy blinds kept the apartment completely shut away from the world but bright. An open room with a high breakfast bar separating the kitchen, a solid dining table, an oversized grey sofa, and a king-size bed was connected by intricately patterned rugs, a few big pillows and large potted plants. Over-sized canvases lined the walls—a subtle way to dampen noise. To the BDSM practiced eye, it was easy to see that removing a few items in this place was the perfect dungeon. There were places to watch and play. A bunch of scenes scenarios ran through his head when he saw how solid the dining table was.

Sally stood at the end of the breakfast bar. She was naked except for a pair of red patented heels holding a towel, head bowed. Her pubic hair was a trimmed treasure trail of deep brown curls. Both nipples were pierced and bejewelled with a bell on each loop. The shy ting of the bells drew attention to her heavy breathing. She was working hard to calm herself. He was amused but said nothing. Mistress motioned for him to go with Sally. As he went to take the towel, she turned and walked towards the bathroom. He smiled as he watched her hips sway. Sally walked into the bathroom, expecting him to follow. He connected eyes with Domme.

“She’ll undress you and prepare the shower. I’ll join you in a few minutes. Enjoy her while I take care of a few things. Extra-large, I assume,” she said as she eyed his crotch.

“Yeah, but I have.”

“I have an allergy. I hope you don’t mind?”

He put his hands up. “It’s all good,” he continued to follow Sally to the bathroom.

He was enjoying this in-between world. The bathroom had a walk-in shower, a pedestal sink, and a toilet with a high flush box. A set of hoops and hooks above the toilet titillate the sadist side of him. Bathroom humiliation wasn’t his thing, but maybe this was the time to give it another try. Sally was unbuttoning his shirt, and he slid his hand between her legs. He didn’t make eye contact as he opened her lips and drew her closer as he found her core and slid in a finger. She was wet and holding her breath. He didn’t move. He had her close by her sex, offering no stimulation. Her cunt was a tool to humiliate her. Sally’s sex betrayed her. She worked to continue her task despite her body’s response to his touch.

When she had undone his buttons, she placed her hand on her head and waited for the following command. He maneuvered his hand and turned so she could remove his shirt. He had a chest of black chest hair. Groomed but very sexy. At the waistband, the hair stopped. He manscaped and smelled like pine and lime. His body heat released a clean, warm scent. When she removed his worn brown belt, he put out his hand for it. Sally continued to hold the belt unmoving. Her lower lip jutted out, and her eyes grew big as he motioned for the belt. Again, she did not move.

“Are you afraid of my belt? He asked, suppressing a grin in response to her fear. “I like my subs to hold my belt in their mouth. The anticipation of what comes when I take it makes them all the sweeter. Is your cunt twitching and thumping? Your sweet ass delights me. I’ll pink it up with my hand. Hold on to the sink and count for me.”

He placed the belt between her teeth. He was creating the impossible task of holding the belt and counting. As he caressed and teased her ass, he wrapped himself around her pressing her hands into the edge of the sink. She maneuvered as though to prevent his body from touching her. Her resistance made him smile, but he said nothing. Music floated into from the other room—Latin jazz rhythms with solid bass. Mistresses had changed into s set of clicky shoes. Spikey heels moved in rhythm to the music. She popped her head in, and her body followed. The sight of her sub was too delightful not to witness. Her ample breast and soft stomach were encased in a black lace body stocking with glimmering silver strands in spider web patterns, and shoes like Sally’s accentuated every curve. The bodysuit was overlapped sections that could expose breasts, pussy, and ass for easy access to the observant person.

Mistress skipped to her sub and positioned herself next to the mirror to hold her subs gaze.

“I think ten aside to start. Count nice and loud. If I can’t hear the number, I will repeat it until I can listen to it. Let’s please Mistress and show her how good a sub you are.

“yes, shur,” Sally said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Mistress giggled and stroked her subs hair after she wiped the tears of humiliation from Sally’s eyes. He rubbed and squeezed Sally’s ass until he felt her lean into him. He wet his finger on her sex and fed it to Mistress. Her tongue licked and sucked Sally’s juices. Her nipples responded and became hard. He stepped in and kissed her, profoundly massaging her tongue with his- sucking and tasting Sally. Sally held her position and watched this bear of a man enveloped her Mistress. His left hand rested on Sally’s neck as his right held Mistress by the throat, and they continued to kiss until a moan of pleasure escaped Mistress’s throat. He backed off and returned his attention to Sally.

Without warning, a playful slap rang out. Sally yelped in surprise.

Another quickly followed, “What was that?

Un, two,” she spoke through the leather.

“Excellent, you-slutty sub, keep counting.”

Three and four were a little harder. Sally held the sink a little tighter and bit down on the belt, and she counted. Five through eight were harder again. Mistress wiped the tears and kissed Sally’s eye. Such a good girl, she purred. Sally was flushed and shaking a little. As he delivered nine and ten, Mistress tweaked and pinched Sally’s nipples. The attention intensified Sally’s arousal. As Sally called 11, 12, and 13, Mistress wet her finger and found Sally’s clit. Mistress flicked at lightning speed; Sally’s knees flexed as she pressed into Mistress’s hand. Every smack brought her closer to orgasm. He watched the women. They were in the moment. He eased back so they could ride this connection. He continued to massage and caress but saw no need to go harder. He watched Mistress for a cue.

Sally was edging and working to stay in control. All this stimulation was too much – a cry of ecstasy ejected the belt from her mouth. The ring of the metal buckle on the porcelain rang out, and Mistress removed her hand.

“No, please don’t stop” Instantly, she regretted her words. She hung her head and waited. She was ashamed. She had let Mistress down. She let go of the sink and stood between the two dominants.

Is Age Merely A Number?

October 7, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments

lesbian collar bdsm play — via stock.adobe.com

Finally, a question and answer that will NOT mention the C-Word. (Covid.) Oops, I slipped. Well, just once is pretty good!So, here it is (got there pretty quick, eh?)

Reader: My new sub is quite a bit younger than I am… by 25 years, in fact. We met online and immediately hit it off, and have moved into a RL relationship with flying colors so far. But I’m concerned about how our age difference might impact our relationship, mutual friendships and our play life. Any advice?

You sure picked the right Dom to ask this question to. My last collared, live-in slave was more – believe it or not – than thirty years younger than me. (Dexx can vouch for that!) As I recently released her, after more than eleven years together, I guess that makes me an “expert” on Master/slave relationships with extreme age disparities. One thing I have learned — there are both pros and cons in this situation. So, first let’s first examine the pros!One big advantage of age is experience.

Since you are more knowledgeable, BDSM-wise, than your submissive, you have already put a positive spin on your relationship. Even with just a few years head start, you will be able to dazzle your submissive with techniques that are only mastered over time. In fact, he/she might have chosen you because of your BDSM skills. I know many D/s couples where the age difference is cast in an exclusively positive light. “He is so much more experienced than I am.” “I learn so much about BDSM from my Master.” “I would never trust a Dom without him having many more years in the lifestyle than me.” These are the types of quotes I have heard, time and time again.

Believe me, your situation might raise eyebrows in the vanilla world. (“Is she your daughter?”) Here in our community, I have seen even greater age differences than mine and hardly an eyebrow (with a piercing!) was raised!Another reason this situation can work out so well in our lifestyle is that the older Dom/me likely has a large play and toy selection to keep his submissive happy! One reason so many vanilla May/December marriages die (or where the younger wife cheats!) is that the older man just simply can’t keep up with his younger wife – or compete with a younger man to satisfy her. Sadly, this is an unavoidable circumstance in the “sex-only–based” vanilla world. But, in our BDSM world, you have all sorts of play options that can keep your submissive flying, even if you can’t keep it up like a twenty year old.

For example, a long flogging session will excite a submissive more than any vanilla foreplay can. And, you can even put the submissive into sub-space – without any sex at all. Add sex into the mix, wow! No wonder the myth of submissives having a secret “Dom/me on the side” is less myth than fact. The appeal of a skilled Dominant to a submissive can never be underestimated. Since your younger partner is your sub, I see no reason why you cannot use your expertise to keep her enthralled for years. And, if you add a little Cialis, with the four-hour erection, into a long BDSM play session, your partner won’t be wanting for anything. Better living through floggers and chemistry!

However, there is one aspect to an age difference that can make it a more serious problem than many other issues — it is, by definition, irreversible. No Master or Mistress, no matter how skilled, can change that fact. Thus, to say age is never a factor would be wrong. In my case, my slave wanted kids; I did not. The fact that she wanted to have children while still in her early/mid thirties was not something that could be changed by order of the Master.

The biological clock is the biological clock. One must respect that. Another problem is the inevitable intrusion of the vanilla world into your realm. You have to be able to ignore the slings and arrows of disapproving peers. That it is often borne of jealousy does not make this scorn any less hurtful. I would basically ignore anything negative, especially from strangers. The fact that my relationship lasted almost twelve years is proof that it can be done.

Remember, if you use the positive aspects of your age and experience to your advantage, you will be fine. Judging by the number of May/December D/s couples I see, age will be the least of your worries!

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Erotica: The Center Of The Circus

September 29, 2021 By Joji Sada 2 Comments

sexy Domme playing with fire — via stock.adobe.com

I am a quiet and well-behaved slave. This is especially true in public. I do not speak beyond what is required of me as a hostess or unless directly addressed. I stay as close to Master’s side as possible while still fulfilling the tasks he has set forth when we have guests. I work to negotiate for Master when newer individuals get on the table, clean up between bottoms (and after the festivities), and I make sure Master is fed and hydrated. I monitor the unattached bottoms who visit, and I have my own gaggle of littles that I babysit.

While I am often busy keeping everything running smoothly, Master is often busy introducing individuals to electroplay.

To say we rarely get play time at a public event is an understatement. And when we do, it is reserved for the end of the night. Considering how much Sadomasochism is in our play, there are two factors we must consider.

Factor number one is Master’s energy level. He plays with twenty to thirty people prior to me. While more than half of the scenes are under 15 minutes, the up and down of the endorphins and adrenaline wears Him down considerably.

Factor number two is how many people, at the party, are new. It seems like an odd thing to factor into our play, doesn’t it? Theoretically, the only people who matter in a scene are the participants. But, in the real world, that is not the case.

We play rough. We play heavy. I have yet to safeword. And it scares people.

So, if we do scene, it is always at the end of the night, when most of the new people have left.

We play late to protect ourselves.

But, when we do, we become the center of our own circus.

Master thrives on the crowd. It is as though he absorbs the energy put out by them and channels it into his implements. I am sure I have seen his eyes glow from that same energy.

So, sit back, boys and girls, and let me tell you the story of a Sadistic Ringmaster.

I have been watching you for hours Sir. Over and over, men and women willingly put themselves on your table and cross. I watch your eyes light up with pleasure and the sinister smile slowly take over. Your creativity is beyond bounds. I have yet to see the same scene twice, even with tastings.

I never know quite what to expect. We have never played in public before Sir and my nerves are getting the best of me. You’ve told me that it was my choice to play or not. I know you want me up there, but I also know you will stand by your word.

It has taken most of the night, but I am ready to do this.

I can hear the shouts of the one in front of me. He is a masochist that I have seen you play with him before. He likes it hard and fast. I can tell, even from here, that he will have welts for a couple of days. I find it amusing when he climbs the cross. For being cuffed, he is quite flexible.

I wait until you have stepped away and the cross is empty. I see you cleaning everything you used. My stomach is in my throat, and I am struggling to find my voice.

I silently move to cross, standing slightly behind you to your left. I wait patiently for you to acknowledge me. It takes a few minutes. I wonder briefly if you have left me waiting on purpose, just to fuck with me.

“Hello, sweetie.”

“Hi Sir.”

“Is everything alright?” You turn to face me completely. Your hand rests on my shoulder and you give it a soft squeeze.

“Yes, Sir.” Deep Breath. “Will you flog me on the cross?” My insides are shaking. Why is it so hard to do this in public?

You raise an eyebrow. Without hesitation, you tell me to step up to the cross. I stand there for a minute, waiting. I see you grab the first toy and I get a very wicked idea.

“Are you ready?” You ask.

“Don’t you want to tie me up Sir?”

I see you smile. The game has begun.

My shoulders are tense. This is very new to me. Here I am, cuffed to the cross, in just my panties, waiting for what will happen next.

This is the easy part. I know better than to look. I won’t know the implement until you use it. How many do you think I can guess right?

Your body presses against my back. Your hand curves around my neck, but no pressure is applied. “Are you ready?”

Deep, shuddering breath. “Yes, Sir.”

“Safe word?”

“Red for stop. Yellow for check-in.”

“Good girl.”

With that, you step back. My body shivers in anticipation.

The first strike of the flogger hurts. I must force my shoulders to relax. I know that the more tense I am, the more I could hurt myself.

My eyes close as you find your rhythm. There is a steady heat building under my skin. This isn’t so bad. If I keep my eyes closed, I can forget everyone else is there. I feel you pause every so often. Sometimes your hands touch my skin and sometimes you switch the implements. The floggers are steadily getting stingier.

The room has fallen silent. Or, at least, I cannot hear them anymore. There is only white noise in my ears now. My head feels like it is swimming. My eyelids are heavy. My mouth feels glued shut. Even at the increasing pain, I have no drive to stop you.

Then there is a long pause.

I rest my forehead to the cool wood of the cross. I steady my breathing and wait. I can hear the murmurs of the people again, but I find I care far less now than I did at the start.

I don’t know how long you left me waiting. Even with my eyes closed, I can feel your presence.

Then, you shocked me.

Without any warning, I felt a firm whack to my ass. It’s the paddle.

Fuck. I hate those.

My eyes pop open, and my hands wrap around the chains holding me in place. “Fuuhhck.”

I hear you laugh. It’s a dark and rich sound that cuts through the static.

Two.

Three.

Then you change it up again.

It’s always in threes.

I have lost count of the number of implements. This is far from the flogging I initially asked for. Then again, you have blanket consent to do as you please with this body. And you never cease to surprise me.

Somewhere in between the paddles, you check in with me. I know you expect me to be honest. My body feels warm and on fire. I feel invincible.

You ask me how I am doing.

I turn my head until our eyes meet. My answer shocks you. “Is that all you’ve got, Magick?” There is no Sir or Master. I am challenging your reputation.

Bring.

It.

On.

Master.

The gasp of the crowd cuts through the static. I hear a lone voice warning me not to say that. But it isn’t you.

Our eyes stay locked for several moments. You smile wide. I think I have provoked the Dragon.

Well, there is no turning back now.

I break the eye contact, turning back to the cross, dropping my head, and baring my neck.

What have I done?

The room is silent. I can feel the eyes of everyone on us. I think I have shocked them Sir.

Without warning, I feel something thin and stingy hit my ass. Ow. We just went from a 3 or 4 to a 7 on the pain scale. I breathe deep. This is what I asked for.

My eyes stay closed, and I scrunch up my face as I breathe through the pain. This is what I was looking for Sir. I wanted to see your Sadistic side. I wanted to trigger the same intensity you give the other masochists. I wanted you to use me without fear.

The strikes no longer come in threes, nor do they have the same rhythm. I can tell you are still in control, but you want me to feel each strike. Without a steady pattern, I cannot zone out. I cannot sink into the sweet oblivion of sub space.

And you know it.

I lose track of time so easily under your touch. I don’t know how long we have been at this. My legs are starting to feel weak. My ass feels as though it is on fire. The only thing holding me up at this point is the tight grip I have on the chains.

I am not ready for this to end. I refuse to give after I issued a challenge.

I finally hear your voice, soft and gruff in my ear. “How are you holding up?”

“Good, Sir.”

Your hand rests on the back of my neck. It feels hot.

You step away and I mewl at the loss.

One.

That one takes my breath away. It was solid enough that I felt my body would go through the wall with the force.

Two.

Jesus Christ that hurt. Whatever that was has me nearly biting through my tongue.

Three. I have finally climbed the cross. This is the devil. I cannot feel the back of my thighs anymore. What on Earth did you use, Sir?

My body sags. I grit my teeth and lean against the wood. I am near my breaking point. But I do not want to stop Sir. I want you to know I can take anything you are willing to give. I cannot stop this. I won’t.

I feel you against my back again. Your body is solid as you pull me against you. My head drops back onto your shoulder. Your hands wrap around my torso and climb up to my nipples. Your fingers tweak them, tugging and pulling. All I can do is gasp. There is so much pain on my backside and the combination of pain and pleasure from my nipples is going to drop me right here. You tug them upward and bring me to my tip toes.

“You look so pretty when you climb the cross.”

I let out a soft gwaff. I don’t even have the energy to laugh right now.

You let go of my nipples and your arms holds my waist to keep me upright. “How are you pet?”

“I…I” Deep breath. “I…am good Sir.” I exhale loudly. “May I have some water before we continue?”

“Let’s get you down pet and then I will get you some water.”

“No, Sir. Please. We can continue.”

“Shh. You have done well pet.” I hear you ask someone to help undo the restraints.

Once my arms are free, they drop heavily to my side. I turn around in your embrace and rest my head on your chest. I feel very floaty Sir, almost drunk.

And very sore.

All I can think is Thank you, Master. That was one hell of a ride.

That was the first of many public play sessions. When he finished checking on me, I can proudly tell you that I not only walked away from the cross on my own two feet, I went back to hosting duties after. I was on a high for several days. It also brought about one of the longest (and lowest) sub drops I had ever experienced.

I asked what those last three toys were. The thick one that thudded (and felt like I would go through the floor) was a length of a fire hose. For future reference, it has physically knocked me off a spanking bench and has quite the power behind it.

The second toy (the sting that made me curse very loudly) was a length of weather stripping. It is very, very painful. It leaves wonderful marks.

The last (which made me climb the cross) is a serpentine belt. It is my favorite toy (and has been since that day). I learned during that session that the belt corners should be sanded down. We ended up drawing blood on my thigh and it left a mark for nearly three months. We honestly thought it would scar.

Please understand that our dynamic is a Total Power Exchange with blanket consent. While I asked for a flogging for this scene, he decided to push my limits. I wouldn’t change anything about this scene.

That includes challenging him.

No one else has the balls to do that. No one will go head-to-head with Master. That’s what makes me special. That is why I have the honor of wearing his collar. He says I keep surprising him.

As I said at the beginning, I am generally a quiet and well-behaved slave. But, when the lights come up and the Circus tents open, I get to challenge the Ringmaster at his own game.

And it keeps everyone coming back for more.

My name is Joji. I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42. I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling. I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay. I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning. I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan. I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education). It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement. We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Using The Safe Word As A Weapon

September 29, 2021 By Dame TylerRose. 2 Comments

power exchange couple with ribbon — via stock.adobe.com

Using the Safe Word as a Weapon

We see it all the time. “sub has the power because safe word!” or “sub has the power because can stop play at any time.”

Okay…I have some questions that stem from the many repetitious discussions on safe words that I see on a daily basis on this site.

WHY is your partner your enemy who must be beaten in all things?
Why is your partner such a foe that he/she must be held at bay every minute by the power of your consent and the threat of…of what, exactly?

If you don’t obey my safe word, then I’m going to…what? What are you going to do? Call the police? Nope, you won’t call the police. They almost never call the police, do they. They don’t file reports. They don’t prosecute.

So what do they do? Drag their partner through the mud of the court of public opinion on whatever social websites you have profiles on.

Which brings me to…

Why are you using the concept of the safe word as a weapon against your own partner?
If your partner is such an enemy and you cannot trust them to communicate when something is amiss, why the fuck are you with that person in the first damn place?

————-
TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written four “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and over 30 fiction books.

Read her books on her Amazon page — https://www.amazon.com/TylerRose./e/B00HCPLSP2

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/305828

FB Fan Page — https://www.facebook.com/TylerRoseGethis/

Twitter — https://twitter.com/DameTyler or @DameTyler

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.

power exchange

Footer