princess marx

The impact of COVID on Pro Dommes

July 9, 2020 By kinkweekly 10 Comments

Los Angeles Dominatrix Isabella Sinclaire

The coronavirus pandemic has wreaked havoc through every corner of society this year. One business that has received little attention amidst the storm has been that of Pro Dommes. A professional dominatrix is a woman (the occupation is overwhelmingly majority female) who is paid by clients to dominate them. And by dominate, this can of course include any number of a vast range of specific activities under the umbrella of BDSM – such as bondage, whipping, sensation play and so on. This is a perfectly legal business model in most Western societies – aided by the fact that actual sex (and sexual touching) is typically off the menu with professional Dommes.

With businesses across much of America doing their best to avoid contact between people, the business of domination faces unique challenges. Unlike ordering dinner, or attending a meeting, the experience of a BDSM scene (for both top and bottom), and the brain and body high that it can evoke, are intertwined with the connection and chemistry between the participants. And that’s before you even consider the physical touching and proximity inherent in so many BDSM activities (spanking, scratching, foot worshiping to name just a few).

As with most other businesses that involve in-person contact, Pro Dommes’ businesses have been largely shuttered since March.

Most of the pro-Dommes that I coach abruptly stopped their in person sessions, and many were scrambling to move their business to distance domination formats because they had relied primarily on in person sessions before the lockdowns.
-Simone Justice (SimoneJustice.com)

The sentiment was echoed by Princess Marx, a Boston & LA-based Domme:

I stopped in-person sessions immediately when the California lockdown went into place in mid-March. I don’t fuck with deadly viruses.
-Princess Marx (PrincessMarx.ch)

And where various levels of government have been offering assistance to businesses to keep them afloat during these unprecedented times, the nature of the business makes it difficult for Pro Dommes to access any of this aid.

Renowned Dominatrix Isabella Sinclaire says,

These forms of government assistance were not designed for very small businesses of one employee. So I have had to downsize.
-Isabella Sinclaire (IsabellaSinclaire.com)

With leases on two properties – The Ivy Manor, a private dungeon rented for sessions by other pro-dommes, and Demask DTLA, a latex clothing store – the current times are particularly trying.

I closed my Demask DTLA latex clothing store to mitigate the monthly expenses as Landlords were also not willing to negotiate a decrease in rent or offer free rent and we are going into our 4^th month of no income. I have two business rents. The store and my studio which cost $5000 a month in rents combined. Moving into July, that’s $20,000 of rent due with no income. It is an impossible scenario for a small business but I’m trying.
-Isabella Sinclaire (IsabellaSinclaire.com)

Of the Dommes we spoke with only Lady Sophia, a Chicago-based Dominatrix, had been able to benefit from one of the government assistance programs. She was granted Disaster Assistance loan from the federal Small Business Administration, which is separate from the more widely known Paycheck Protection Program.

I have to tell you, when the funds showed up in my bank account I almost didn’t believe it was real. It’s important to note that the Disaster Assistance relief loan that I received is a loan. This is money that still needs to be paid back. The good news is that the interests rate is very low and the monthly payments are also very reasonable.
-Lady Sophia (LadySophia.com)

For many Dommes who aren’t tied to property leases, their businesses have shifted exclusively online while the pandemic rages.

“Online sessions have been a big part of what I do for a few years now, but I don’t think even I fully realized how big of a part. I feel very lucky that I had things set up like this before the quarantine – if I hadn’t, My life would look very, very different.” says Princess Marx.

Justine Cross, LA Domme and owner of private venues Dungeon East and Dungeon West, similarly commented,

Luckily for me, I was able to pivot my real time with clients into online sessions. It was a lot of work, but I felt like it was the safest and best option. Not only have I adapted, I also created a class for others to convert their real time clientele to online. Meanwhile, Dungeon East and Dungeon West remain very much open for private rentals – things are very much thriving despite the pandemic.
-Justine Cross (LosAngelesBDSMevents.com)

For some Dommes, the move to online has been so positive that they plan to make it permanent. Dominatrix Lila Sage said:

In the comfort of their own home, people feel more at ease and able to drop into deeper states of relaxation and submission. Since my work as an Inspiratrice and Hypnotist is focused on creating sensations in the body through the mind, I can take people on fantastic journeys through imagery and their senses. I am finding new depths with clients online that they have never experienced before.
-Lila Sage (MissLilaSage.com)

For other Dommes and their clients however, online sessions are a temporary measure and no substitute for the real thing.

Isabella Sinclaire summed up this perspective:

“Everyone that works beside me has moved to online platforms and online networking. But the enjoyment and income will never compare to the in person experiences.”
-Isabella Sinclaire (IsabellaSinclaire.com)

Looking ahead, there will eventually come a time when the virus has subsided enough for people to resume their usual activities – exactly when and how will be a personal choice for each individual.

Princess Marx beautiful Los Angeles Dominatrix — Boston & Los Angeles Domme Princess Marx

Princess Marx had been preparing a plan for reopening prior California’s new surge of COVID cases. “Well, I thought I was all set to re-open (with lots of safety precautions in place), and then California’s case count started going up!”

I developed a 3-step screening protocol for re-opening (in addition to My usual screening protocol): 1) a phone session to get to know each other, 2) testing done within 3 days of our session, and 3) an optional tele-health screening, offered by a medical professional friend of Mine.
In addition, I had 3 new rules for play: 1) a temperature check at the door, 2) both parties required to wear masks, and 3) no direct-contact foot kissing/worship (though boot or shoe worship might have been okay)
Might it adversely affect the session experience? Sure. Wouldn’t it be nice to be face to face and getting My feet worshipped? Absolutely. But am I willing to stake My life on seeing a submissive’s face? Absolutely fucking not.
-Princess Marx (PrincessMarx.ch)

Do you work in the world of kink or sex, and interested in being quoted for future articles? Or do you have a story about how COVID has impacted the world of kink in some way? Email us at kinkweekly@gmail.com.

Ask a Dominatrix, CBT

August 1, 2017 By anniebear 1 Comment

In this article, we have our expert in-house Dommes, Princess Marx and Mistress Lucy to give their informed opinions on various subjects from our readers. Do you have a burning question you’d like our Dommes to answer? Email kinkweekly@gmail.com and maybe you’ll get some personal feedback from these two.

Question from the reader:

Dear Kink Weekly,

My boyfriend likes to be dominated, and I’m pretty new to it but I’ve been trying out a few things. Tying him up, teasing him, spanking, clamps are all super fun. Yesterday he asked me if I would do “cock and ball torture” on him. I’ve been reading up and it sounds pretty intense – I’m worried I might cause some damage, particularly if I hit or kick him in the nuts. Are you able to give me any advice about trying this out?

Alicia

Princess Marx says:

Dear Future Genitorturess,

As a notorious ballbusting enthusiast, this is one of my favorite questions! The reality is, those little suckers (balls) can take a lot more abuse than you think! Just search for the video of me kicking Andrea Dipre in the nuts wearing shoes with full 1-inch metal spikes on the toebox!

Of course, Andrea is an experienced (and motivated) ballbusting recipient, and we’ve known each other long enough to be able to do that. We’re both practicing RACK – risk-aware consensual kink.

So, on that note, here are a few things I recommend – and some of these apply to *any* BDSM play:

1) Know thyself, and your partner. You must have trust, and you must be able to monitor & gauge your partner’s reactions while playing. If your boyfriend specifically asked for it, chances are, it’ll be VERY clear to you when he’s enjoying himself, and when he isn’t – just make sure you’re paying attention. Go slowly and build intensity, and with time, you’ll know you partner well enough to skip ahead to the fun parts more quickly 🙂

2) Have a safeword, at least while you’re still experimenting. Once you’re both more comfortable, you can even move away from using a safeword.

I’m a fan of pushing boundaries with playpartners when there is mutual trust, but you have to both be on that page – use both your spideysense and explicit verbal communication to decide when and how far you can push.

3) Circulation (or the loss thereof) is one of the biggest concerns. If you notice swelling, or a loss of sensation or color, immediately loosen the bondage or cease activity. If it doesn’t get better, seek urgent professional help. Of course, with time, you’ll learn how much your partner can take without ever getting to that point.

4) Tension is the other area of high concern. Tying the testicles to a fixed point for prolonged periods risks torsion or rupture, particularly if your partner has a quick reaction to something and is being held by the testes. Being tied to weights for long periods carries similar risks.

5) Take breaks. Give your partner a break every 20-30 minutes, or as needed, to alleviate pressure, tension, and circulation.

6) Always keep safety materials on hand – in particular, safety shears (the kind with the rounded, rather than pointed, tips). At about $5 on average, they’re one of the best safety investments even in vanilla practice.

7) Beware of squeezing anything too hard, at least until you know what your partner enjoys – and as you get to know them, you’ll also learn what they can take, and when you can push them a bit.

8) Blood is a pathogen. You probably already have some sort of mutual understanding on body fluids with your boyfriend, but remember that there are diseases that aren’t transmitted sexually, but can be transmitted via blood contact.

9) Remember: Google is your friend. No list I write in a Q&A format can ever be exhaustive enough, so PLEASE do yourself a favor and google this a little more before starting play.

10) Last, but perhaps most importantly, HAVE FUN!!! The great joy of a D/s dynamic is getting to do things that are normally considered taboo. We’re all supposed to be very nice and polite to each other IRL; the joy of BDSM is that you get to fuck with that.

I think that’s probably why ballbusting is my all-time favorite BDSM activity: I’m (shockingly!) actually a nice person IRL, and would never kick someone without consent (although some people really deserve it..). In play, we get to do those things to people with not only their permission, but with their desire. There’s even a band called The Genitorturers!

Enjoy!
~ Princess Marx
www.princessmarx.com

Based in Los Angeles and Boston, born in Europe, and traveling frequently, Princess Marx is a lifelong kinkster and a formally trained professional Dominatrix. She has the dubious distinction of an Ivy League education, and was awarded the 2016 “Most Fascinating and Captivating Model” award by Footnight International. Princess Marx is a proponent of both sex-positivity, and the reclamative justice of Female Supremacy. She is a frequent performer, speaker, educator, and commentator on kink and sexuality, and was recently surprised to find out a Kentucky-bred race horse was named after her. You can find more info at www.princessmarx.com.

Mistress Lucy Khan says:

Dear Alicia,
I bet that when you think about cock and ball torture (CBT), what makes it intimidating is the “torture” part. Torture conjures up images of interrogations, deranged scientists, war crimes… rather intense associations to say the least. In My experience, kinksters and BDSM enthusiasts definitely have a flair for the dramatic–after all, it’s the narrative, the experience of playing out the theater of the erotic that really scratches our itch! For those just getting into this type of play, however, a more helpful way to think about CBT would be to replace the word “torture” with “play”. The concept of “play” allows you to fiddle, fidget, explore, and amuse yourself with the parts in question without a definitive (and potentially pressure-filled) end goal in mind. Often times, it’s the loss of control over one’s body that creates the eroticism in the first place…

One way to take the pressure off and simply have fun with the exploration of cock and ball play is to restrain him, blindfold him, and simply tickle, lick, bite, and poke at his junk! With his eyesight gone, you can indulge in the sensorial aspects of having free reign over the most vulnerable part of his body (hot!) with less self-consciousness. Feel free to tug down on and/or tie up the balls–you can ask him for feedback to get a sense of his pain tolerance and proceed slowly from there. Like I said, it’s often exploring the psychological aspect of having a man’s most vulnerable parts in the palm of your hand that is at the heart of the matter. Be verbal: “how does it feel to have your balls in the palm of my hand?” Another fabulous idea for getting into the swing of things is to play with temperature: alternate ice cubes with warm breath, apply some icy hot/tiger balm–if it’s too intense, make him beg for you to wipe it off! Practice makes perfect, so if you start slow, you’ll be educating yourself on what his balls can actually take, so you can build on the knowledge from there! Treat is as an experiment, not as a test, and the cock and balls can definitely be a wonderland for your D/s practice. Have fun!

xo,
Sherpa Lucy

Mistress Lucy Khan is a LA-based dominatrix, educator, and amatuer social engineer who has run her own independent practice for over the last 5+ years. Passionate about applying BDSM principles to contexts that lay outside the BDSM and kink community, She delights in shining light on the darkest of desires. As a former NCAA athlete graduating summa cum laude, Her strength lies in creating twisted scenarios that incorporate both body and brain. Delighting in introducing newbies to the art of kink, She is available for both in person and phone consultations via MistressLucy.org and can be found on Twitter + Instagram @LucytheMistress

Ask a Dominatrix

June 6, 2017 By anniebear 1 Comment

We’re pleased to introduce a new column for Kink Weekly; Ask a Dominatrix. We have our expert in-house Dommes Princess Marx and Mistress Lucy to give their informed opinions on various subjects from our readers. Do you have a burning question you’d like our Dommes to answer? Email kinkweekly@gmail.com and maybe you’ll get some personal feedback from these two.

Here is this week’s reader question:
I am a long time kinkster, and I’m interested in trying out a session with a pro-Domme (having mostly topped in the past). I’m very interested in being restrained in bondage along with teasing, sensation play and experimenting with mild pain. I’m not really “submissive” though – the thought of being talked down to, humiliated or given commands is a turn off. From looking at many pro Domme’s web sites and social media feeds, it seems like many really believe in female supremacy and expect their clients to treat them accordingly. Are there any pro Dommes that can offer more of a tailored play experience without me needing to grovel etc. If so, how can I find them?

Princess Marx says:
The vast majority of trained, experienced, and above all, *professional* players should be able to help you. Although many of us express a preference for a specific kind of scene or interaction, most of us are trained as fantasy facilitators who are able to wear many hats and play a multitude of roles.

I emphasize the word “professional” on purpose. One of the cornerstones of professionalism in any field is competence. In this case, this means competence in the plethora of skills expected of a full-service BDSM provider. Perhaps you can use this distinction in your evaluation of each Domme: use your judgment to discern what’s mere “fantasy talk” (which comprises much of what’s on people’s websites – and remember, these are our fantasies, too), and someone’s level of BDSM skill and professionalism.

Secondly, consent & communication are cornerstones of BDSM (unless consensual non-consent is explicitly agreed to ahead of time). You shouldn’t have to experience anything in a scene that you specifically said you’re NOT into. Every professional will respect that if you communicate it, and every non-professional should, too.

I’d recommend you contact a few Dommes/providers, communicate your wishes/concerns to each of them, and see how they respond. Then you can have your pick. Most likely, all of them will say, “No problem.” A scene is, at the end of the day, a negotiated interaction. Remember to respectfully communicate your needs, and always use your judgment.

Good luck & good whippings!
~ Princess Marx
www.princessmarx.com

Mistress Lucy Khan says:

Hi Long Time Kinkster,
In my 6+ years in the proDomme community I continue to be impressed with the wide range of styles represented by the practices of My peers. From severe disciplinarian, to bratty schoolgirl, to sensual MILF, there are endless ways to to express one’s Dominance over a willing victim–many of which do not involve you “needing to grovel”. That said, most Dommes (and subs for that matter) have a style of play that comes more naturally to them or is more enjoyable for them to embody. To find the best match for your particular tastes, I suggest that you take the time to DO YOUR RESEARCH. Many proDommes spend a good amount of time themselves on their advertising–crafting their websites and curating their social media presence to reflect their own personal brand of dominance. I urge you to take responsibility for your own fantasy fulfilment process by reading through the “About Me” sections on potential play partners’ websites and following their Instagram and Twitter links to see if their expression of BDSM jives with what your’s.

Once you find someone who you feel may be a good fit, you’ll likely be reaching out via email, so be sure to be respectful and thorough in what you’re hoping for in a BDSM play date. Many proDommes’ inboxes are flooded, so to ensure that your email won’t get swept by the wayside, I suggest you mindfully include some basic information about yourself (i.e. who you are, what you do, where you are based), what kind of scene and tone you’re hoping for, and why you contacted Her specifically. This will allow you to open up a dialogue that will help you determine whether you might make a good match or not…and if not, it wouldn’t hurt to ask Her if she has any colleagues who might fit the bill. Good luck!

Mistress Lucy Khan
www.mistresslucy.org

princess marx

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