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protocol levels

Low Protocol And Power Exchange

December 12, 2020 By Christmas Bunny 2 Comments

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via stock.adobe.com

It began in baby steps.  Our dynamic was very much an experiment, with each movement forward and each step of the way tested before the full weight of the relationship was brought to bear upon it. 

It was a scary amount of power to give up.  I came into the relationship a business owner, and began a second venture about a year in.  Handing the metaphorical reins over to another when my hard work of years was on the line was a truly terrifying thing to even contemplate.   It came part and parcel of our TPE, however, and I had to trust that he would allow me to continue to make decisions without his interference.

Part of owning a business is having to interact with others in various ways, be it as the customer service representative who is discussing a potential order, as the cashier handling payment, as the scheduler booking classes, as the manager attending to someone’s satisfaction, as the artisan building product and providing updates, or in educational capacities, both online and in-person.  That’s a lot of hats, and they require a certain amount of freedom of action on my part.  It has necessitated trust on his part that I would make decisions and behave in ways of which he would approve without having to have specific protocols in place to govern those actions.

As someone who has grown to become firmly embedded in my local community, I see an incredibly wide variety of levels of protocol.  Some are required to ask prior to leaving the presence of their master, some are required to follow protocols which govern their interactions with others in various settings.  Perhaps it is a set protocol involving carrying packages or interacting with waitstaff or asking permission prior to speaking and touching friends or strangers within kink settings.  Interestingly enough (and this is a conversation I have had with friends on occasion, because many of us are fascinated by the differences in how relationships are built), many of the dynamics I have observed which involve a small business seem to run with a lower degree of formality and protocol, perhaps out of that same necessity.

If I must receive permission to speak to individuals prior to doing so, even ones of specified gender, and my partner is away from our vendor table, I would quickly become ineffective as a merchant.  I would be unable to answer questions or complete a sale.  The same holds true of online interactions.  It would effectively make the business I run hobbled during his regular work hours until he could handle the aspects I was not permitted to attend to without him.  That would lead to additional stress, and I ask a great deal of him as my business partner already.  While he does make those decisions, he has chosen to leave many of the finer details up to me, limiting the majority of his participation to financial decisions such as inventory purchases, and to customer interactions in order to keep me from using my energy and focus up in those areas rather than in completing projects.

The leaves much of our dynamic very informal, from a protocol standpoint.  Fortunately, that works well for our personalities and the way we fit together.  While I sometimes feel that our low protocol interactions can be mistaken for a more casual relationship, which can bring with it a feeling of being less than, I remind myself that some of those stares may be from envy for what may appear to be a higher level of freedom. 

Make no mistake, however.  He holds full authority over me, regardless of the appearance of casualness our low protocol level may give outsiders.  It is so important for us all to remember that each relationship, each dynamic forms as it works best for the individuals in question.  For some, that may mean there are specific rituals and protocols dictating large portions of their actions.  For others, such as us, that total power exchange may rely more on the granted authority of the top-of-slash rather than any formalized behaviors.  We all have to determine what works best for us as individuals and as couples or relationship groups, and build from that foundation.


Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm property, bdsm punishment, bdsm relationship, contracts, dominant, domme, fetish, kink, master, mistress, power exchange, protocol, protocol levels, rituals, sex, slave, slave contracts, slave positions, slave training, submissive

Different Levels of Protocol

December 11, 2017 By Jenn Masri 2 Comments

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I’ve written before about protocol – but this article is to go into the subject a little further.  I want to talk about different levels of protocol.  Low (or everyday) protocol, medium protocol, and high protocol.  Keep in mind that one person’s “medium” can be another person’s “high” or someone else’s “low”. Also, some D/s relationships may choose to maintain medium or high protocols and not allow low protocol with perhaps just a few exceptions. I will describe these categories with various examples to give you a general idea of what I’m talking about.

Low/everyday Protocol

This refers to the most casual form of protocols.  These may include protocols that aren’t as obvious to the vanilla world. Or being in “low protocol” may simply mean you aren’t adhering to most of your protocols with a few exceptions, like coffee service for example.

Medium Protocol

For many people in D/s relationships this may be their everyday protocol or for some it may be the protocols that they adhere to whenever they are at a kink event.

High Protocol

Typically this level of protocol is followed when attending a high protocol kink event.  It also may be used for specific periods of time (eg, high protocol weekend) or specific situations (eg, hosting a high protocol dinner).

So what would this perhaps look like in reality?  I’m going to use one type of protocol as an example and explain how it would be done in low vs medium vs high.

Let’s start with a fun one – bathroom protocol!  Lol  If this is a protocol that’s followed then the low/everyday version may be that the s-type must let the D-type know that they are using the restroom.  The medium version is the one many people are more familiar with.  This would be where the s-type must ask permission to use the restroom.

Wondering what the heck high protocol would look like?  Some people think it may be that the s-type isn’t allowed to go to the restroom.  Not quite.  Typically it may look like the s-type isn’t using the restroom, when in reality they are simply having to wait for permission to use the restroom – they may not ask.  This, of course, means that the D-type needs to pay close attention!

Another example would be protocol about where the s-type locates themselves around the D-type.  In low protocol the s-type may be required to stand or sit to the left of their D-type.  In medium protocol perhaps they must stand or sit to their left in a specific position.  In high protocol perhaps there is an added protocol that the s-type always sits on the floor at the D-types’ feet whether the D-type is standing or sitting.

These are just a couple of simple examples – something to give you an idea of how protocols can be used in different ways.  As I mentioned before – these are general examples, one person may treat the medium bathroom protocol as their high protocol, etc.

You can also use different collars to represent the level of protocol you’re in.  For example – when in low protocol perhaps the s-type wears an everyday, or casual, collar.  In medium protocol situations there may be a more traditional or fetish collar used.  In high protocol the s-type may wear a fetish collar or perhaps a posture collar is used.  These various collars still represent the same relationship dynamic.

Added note – in some circumstances protocols of any kind are more difficult.  Vanilla settings, family functions, etc.  Some people may decide to temporarily remove protocols or come up with “vanilla protocols” that represent the protocols they have in place but that are very discreet or aren’t noticeable.  For example, they have a protocol in place where the s-type must ask permission to start eating.  This may be viewed unfavorably by a more mainstream crowd.  So, instead, they decide that the s-types way of “asking permission” is to comment about how good the meal looks/smells, etc.  Then the D-types way of “giving permission” is by agreeing that the food look/smells delicious.  Nobody is the wiser but the D/s couple has stuck to their protocol, under the radar.

I hope this gives a bit more insight as to how protocols can be used in different ways.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Tagged With: D/s, protocol, protocol levels

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