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psychological play

Consensual, BSDM Psychological Torture

December 12, 2020 By PirateStan 2 Comments

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It’s said that torture is an unreliable way to get information, that people will tell you anything to get it to stop. Back in 2004 we discovered that torture was being used on prisoners at the Guantanamo Bay Interment Camp. It was a huge scandal; The American people were very upset that we would do something so blatantly against the Geneva Convention’s rules on the treatment of prisoners. That’s the sort of thing our enemies do, not us.

So yeah, using torture to extract information from someone is bad. Let’s just get that out of the way right here at the beginning.

But there are some times where torture is good, particularly when you use it to tease, torment, and tantalize a willing submissive. Because it’s not just about causing them physical pain, but emotional pain as well. But, y’know, in a good way.

It’s certainly not for everyone. Many people wouldn’t want to inflict this sort of torment on someone, whether they consent or not, Others wouldn’t want it done to them, for a variety of reasons.

But when done right, with the right people, they can make for a truly intense, emotionally fulfilling scene. It’s like a roller coaster, that thrill of danger without it being actually dangerous, only safer (seriously, do a search on roller coaster accidents and deaths; you’ll probably never get on one again).

So what constitutes this sort of scene?

Generally, it’s any scene that has as much of a psychological component as a physical one. Many Doms do this to some degree during a scene; think of a blindfolded girl who doesn’t know what toy’s going to be used on her next, a Dom tormeting her with one she’s especially afraid of, or threatening to hit where he knows she hates getting hit (but isn’t a hard limit).

Then there’s what’s generally known as predicament bondage; a tied-up girl made to send a certain text message, a gagged one having to make herself understood by Alexa, or being made to stand on your toes while nipple clamps are attached above her (forcing her to choose between the pain in her feet and calves or that in her nipples).

But a full-blown torture/torment/psychological scene involves more than that. It involves getting inside a girl’s head and using her fears, anxiety, dread and, sometimes, triggers against them, but all within the bounds of consent and negotiation.

Obviously this qualifies as advanced play, and should never be done with someone you don’t know well. When done wrong you can inflict some serious damage on someone’s psyche, and those wounds don’t have a tendency to fade away like a bad bruise.

Y’know, rather than just continue with broad vagaries, I’m simply going to describe a good psych scene I had recently with a girl I’ve known for a long, long time and add notes along the way. Sound good? Okay, here goes…


The four of us (my household) myself, my girl, my dear friend, and his girl (who’s also a dear friend) decided to escape our COVID 19 quarantime by renting a house on the ocean for a week, to eat bad food, drink lots of wine, enjoy the ambiance and (oh yeah) engage in more than a bit of debauchery.

Midway through the week my friend’s girl (MFG) had the scene in question.

We’ve played together several times, so I know what she likes and, more importantly, what she likes that her top isn’t inclined towards (which is generally the reason why you have a scene with another). She loves impact play, loves bruises, but also enjoys being controlled and (more specifically) enjoys being tied up very tightly.

I also know that she has a number of physical limitations that need to be taken into account; she can’t stand for long periods of time, nor can her joints take any of the more extreme bondage positions, particularly her arms.

So my checklist is; secure, tight bondage; domination and control, impact play that will leave bruises; no standing.

I began by telling her to strip. “Completely?” she asked.

“What else does strip mean?” I responded, knowing she hated being entirely nude (although it was not hard limit). She has a beautiful body, so this was pure pleasure from my perspective, particularly as I knew it made her feel particularly vulnerable.

Realizing there are a number of stout kitchen chairs available, I decided to utilize one. Over the next 20 minutes or so I proceeded to secure her to it, hands at her sides. I used leather mittens to secure her hands under the chair, straps to secure her to the side rungs, straps above-and-below her breasts, another at her waist. I use another to secure her hips to the seat, two more to secure her ankles to the legs and, finally, two at her upper thighs attached to the back of the chair, keeping her legs spread very wide and leaving her very exposed.

Ahead of this I’d placed a very efficient padded blindfold, and finished by buckling a ballgag (not a terribly severe one as she can’t wear that; still, it muffled her speaking delightfully).

Oh wait, I forgot; we’d worked out safe words and gestures that she could effectively communicate while secured like this. Since this sort of bondage is my thing, I’ve got that part down pat.

I next proceeded to sit down on the very comfortable couch, put my feet up, pull out my phone and tell her, “Okay, you’ve got five minutes to get loose. If you don’t, that means you want my worst, right?”

As she muttered something incomprehensible I split my attention between the New York Times and her, watching as she … well… essentially sat still. Oh, her head moved around a lot, and her right foot wriggled around (I’d not secured it as well as I should have) but, ultimately, she could barely move. At all.

This, she told me later, made her feel extremely helpless, as it was very clear that I could do anything I wanted and she had no way to stop me… not even to move out of the way. She was both utterly terrified and thrilled at the same time.

For my main implement of destruction I’d chosen a thin wooden paddle, about 4 cm wide and 38 cm long. I’ve found it’s extremely painful and I’m able to use it with pinpoint accuracy. It also leaves wonderful bruises.

I began by running the paddle over her body, threatening different body parts. “If you don’t want to get hit there, simply move it out of the way,” I taunted.

After a few minutes of this I began to follow through, actually smacking her in the places I was threatening (starting lighter of course, before working my way up in intensity). Several minutes later I stopped. 

I sat down and played on my phone again. I knew she didn’t have a clue when I might be back or even if I was still in the room. She struggled around some more, this time with more than a bit more desperation.

I repeated this several more times, each time more with more intense and harder smacks. I began to increasingly taunt her, threatening to hit a given area, telling her to prepare, then doing nothing. Or I’d threaten one area then engage in a fusillade of smacks to everywhere but that area… before pausing and finishing at the initial place I’d threatened.

After 20 minutes of this her right leg was shaking uncontrollably. She had, of course, been acting increasingly terrified as the scene progressed. Meanwhile, I’d checked in regularly and she always gave me a clear, encouraging nod, as well as a gagged “uh-huh”. 

Which is, of course, the heart of the matter. She was allowing herself to be terrified precisely because she knew she was absolutely safe. It was the theme park thrill ride, only with bondage and beatings. Her catharsis was palpable.

After a little over a half hour I’d decided she’d had enough; she’s notorious for never tapping out, and I can read her pretty well. I went with my general rule of thumb that it’s better to leave someone wanting more than going too far. 

While I removed her blindfold and gag first, I untied her from the chair slowly, letting her relax as well as relish the return of her mobility to each limb. Afterwards, I helped her over to the couch, wrapped her in a blanket, and held her as she recovered. She was in a state of bliss, completely wrung out like a wet noodle, but in a good way.

The next day she proudly showed off the many, many bruises I’d left her with, some of which were rather pronounced. Many pictures were taken.

All in all it was a very successful scene, bringing together those necessary elements of negotiation, understanding, preparedness, and improvisation. In particular, those elements of torment or “mind fuckery” were carefully plotted out, designed to bring her to a place of maximum psychological torment.

Of course, what worked with her may not work with someone else. I’ve done many such scenes with a variety of gals, some more successful than others. The better you know the person you’re topping, and the more creative you are, the better the scene.

This sort of psychological torture scene isn’t for everyone. But for those who enjoy and appreciate them, they can be quite the satisfyingly heady brew.


PirateStan has been involved in his local BDSM community since 2007, after having had a lifelong inclination towards it. He currently lives a contented life in Southeastern Virginia with his girl, zeirah, while working by day for a Major Metropolitan Publication. 

Tagged With: bdsm, bdsm play, bdsm scene, bottom, dominant, domme, master, mindfuck, mistress, power exchange, psychological play, slave, submissive, subspace, Top, total power exchange

Symbolic Submission

September 6, 2016 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

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There is an old saying that “the biggest sexual organ is the one between your ears.” That statement can be updated to state that “the hottest BDSM toy is the one between your ears.” The most important aspects of BDSM are purely mental. Even subspace, while often arrived at by physical means, is a pure cerebral state. (Subspace is a whole other topic, which has been covered, in previous kinkweekly.com articles.)

Since there is such a significant psychological component to D/s, there are many triggers that can reinforce the power exchange – whether in a relationship or in a scene. Many of these “triggers” are symbolic. As opposed to a slave contract or a lifestyle collar, these are often temporary symbols of submission. Temporary or not, these symbols can be very effective in raising the intensity of your power exchange. (I will cover “symbols of Dominance” in a future kinkweekly.com article.)

I have assembled a list of symbolic embellishments that can add to your D/s dynamic. You will likely already be familiar with most of them. However, I would bet that you have overlooked at least a couple that could be useful. Obviously, not all of them are for you. But just thinking about symbolic ways that you can add to the D/s hierarchy is an exercise that will keep your union – or play – fresh. That said, the envelope please!

1. Leash and collar. Just walking your sub around on a leash and a collar reinforces the power disparity between the Dom/me and the submissive. The implications are largely symbolic. Most Doms are not going to walk their sub around 24/7 like a dog. (Although some do!) But, if you add this to your weekend arsenal – or just use it occasionally – you will strengthen the D/s aspects of your life. Leash and collar with a naked submissive at a dungeon party can be a great symbol of Dominance and submission.

2. Writing. Just the simple act of writing “slave,” or even “slut,” on your submissive’s body is a powerful symbolic D/s energizer. If you have not done this, give it a try. A marker and a little imagination can work wonders. It is not for everyone. But it is truly a powerful example of “symbolic submission.”

3. Kneeling. Many high protocol Doms require the slaves to kneel almost all the time they are around them. For the rest of us, this is either impractical or it does not float our boat. But even if you are in a “no-protocol” D/s relationship, requiring your sub to kneel occasionally is a powerful display of D/s.

4. Sir or Ma’am. Even if your protocol does not require you to address your Dominant with “Sir,” “Ma’am” or “Master” – or a similar honorific – all the time, you should try to do if for specified occasions. An evening, a weekend or at a bondage party. It might not seem like a lot, but it does add D/s pizzazz (yes, pizzazz) to your situation.

5. Insertables. Being made to wear an insertable in a vanilla situation can be awesome in terms of “symbolic symbolism.” Wearing a butt plug for even a quick foray into a supermarket can awaken ultra-submissive feelings in any sub. As the saying goes, “Try it, you’ll like it.” No underwear carries similar symbolic implications of submission.

6. Greeting ritual. Even if you have no rituals, try using the greeting ritual – where the sub kneels and kisses the Dominant’s feet – at least once in a while. Watch the effect such a simple symbolic act of deference can have on both the Dom/me and the sub!

7. The play collar. This is obvious; it only bears repeating in that you might overlook it. Going to a play party – or just around the house – wearing a collar is symbolic submission at its most basic level. Although recently, many wear it as a fashion statement; if there is a power exchange meaning behind it, it will work like a magic charm.

8. A baby pacifier. This clearly is only for a select few. But, if your submissive is into humiliation play, making him/her wear a baby pacifier can be incredibly effective. Especially in public.

9. Furniture. Requiring a sub become “furniture” for a short period of time is yet another example of “symbolic submission.” Like the baby pacifier, this is not for everyone. But, for those who wish to make a symbolic statement of their power exchange, this is one way to go.

10. Maid’s uniforms. Cosplay aspects aside, just wearing a maid’s uniform puts the sub into a submissive headspace almost immediately. It also illustrates how symbolism can affect headspace.

As stated earlier, much of dominance and submission is mental. After all, you cannot make anyone submit by physical means if they mentally reject it. Once you accept that D/s and BDSM are cerebral exercises, any symbolism that increases the power exchange is very useful. And any way you can augment “submissive symbolism” will make your relationship – or your scenes — that much more exciting!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Tagged With: psychological play, scene ideas, slave, submission

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