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rape culture

This week in kink: November 16, 2020

November 14, 2020 By Dexx 2 Comments

Most things including The Porn Industry have been altered due to the Covid-19 Crisis.

This week, New Statesman gives us the skinny on the rise of OnlyFans during the pandemic and what that means on a grander level.

Click below to find out more!

How OnlyFans became the porn industry’s great lockdown winner – and at what cost
The sex industry is booming, by which I don’t just mean the straightforward buying and selling of real-life sex. The online porn industry has grown ever larger as it has come to offer more and more extreme content, the sexualisation of entertainment and advertising continually pushes new limits, and businesses such as the high street retailer Ann Summers have successfully monetised the mainstreaming of BDSM. We are seeing this rapid growth and diversification of the sex industry partly as a consequence of the digital revolution, and partly as a consequence of business innovation. For instance, one of the pleasurable things about BDSM, from a business perspective, is that it so often demands kit. Ann Summers – whose partnership with the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise proved highly lucrative – offers a six-piece “bondage set” for £60, which includes a flogger, blindfold, ball gag, ankle cuffs, handcuffs and rope. To this could be added dozens of other items from the Ann Summers BDSM range, from multi-chain nipple clamps (£15) to hog ties (£10). At the top end of the market, Agent Provocateur has also dipped its toes into the sexual sadism market, with a £450 set of rose gold handcuffs and, for the real connoisseur, the Xenses Lilith Diamonds & Gold whip can be purchased for £4,382.22 (engraved initials optional). Who knew sexual liberation could be so profitable? The Covid-19 crisis has accelerated this commercialisation of sexual intimacy, with one of the great winners of the past six months being the British-owned tech company OnlyFans, a platform that allows “creators” (overwhelmingly women) to earn money by giving “users” (overwhelmingly men) subscription access to online content, most of which is pornographic. OnlyFans offers what should best be understood as the “girlfriend experience” of porn. Successful creators sell not just explicit content, but also the impression of authentic personality. Creators are expected to message users privately, and perhaps remember their birthdays, or their children’s names, thus offering the illusion of intimacy. OnlyFans provides temporary relief, not only from sexual frustration, but also loneliness, which is a key reason for its lockdown success. [see also: How the rich and famous stole OnlyFans from sex workers] Every now and again, a tweet by a previously unknown OnlyFans creator will go viral, as she (always she) shares photos of the house she has been able to buy “thanks to OnlyFans”. But as the blogger Thomas Hollands has found in his detailed analysis of the OnlyFans model, such rags-to-riches cases are unusual. According to Hollands’s interpretation of the data, most of the women on the platform probably make a loss, given the amount of time they spend creating content and engaging with users. The median creator attracts only 30 subscribers, but she carries just as much risk of public exposure and harassment as her more successful counterparts. The same amount of effort goes in, but a very different level of reward comes out. The distribution of income on OnlyFans is highly unequal, with the top 1 per cent of creators making 33 per cent of the money. Using the Gini index – a standard measure of economic inequality – Hollands finds OnlyFans to be more unequal than South Africa, the most unequal country in the world. The tiny minority of creators who do well on the platform are mostly celebrities already, meaning the women who post “thanks to OnlyFans” success stories on social media are not representative of ordinary creators, but are rather more like those rare punters who walk out of a casino as millionaires, having put it all on red. We shouldn’t be surprised by this. OnlyFans depends upon the commodification of sexual intimacy. It does not profit from promoting the well-being of its users or creators, but rather from encouraging growth: more content, more subscriptions, more time spent on the site. The historian David Courtwright has coined the term “limbic capitalism” to describe a technologically advanced but socially regressive business system in which global industries, often with the help of complicit governments and criminal organisations, encourage excessive consumption and addiction. They do so by targeting the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for feeling… Limbic capitalism is the reason the most successful apps are brightly coloured like fresh fruit and glint like water. Our primitive brains helplessly seek out the stimuli we have evolved to be attracted to, and the beneficiaries of limbic capitalism have become wise to these instincts, learning over time how best to capture them. Junk food, gambling, video games, smoking, opioids, all of these tap into our longing for nourishment, excitement and pleasure, but do so while draining the consumer of health, happiness and – most importantly – money. The sex industry is the ultimate form of limbic capitalism, feeding not only on our desire for sex, but sometimes also on our desires for novelty or companionship or self-harm or the degradation of other people. Few consumers will be truly unaware of the abuses that go on within the sex industry, but how many are aware of the ways in which the industry manipulates not only its workers, but also its consumers? It is not by chance, for instance, that one particular iteration of the rise of limbic capitalism in the form of BDSM porn has coincided with a rise in women reporting unwanted acts of sexual aggression such as choking. Algorithms that push consumers towards ever more novel, ever more addictive content are designed to produce profit, not happiness. Which is why we should always ask, when faced with any new sexual fashion or product: why do I really desire this? And, in the end, cui bono?
www.newstatesman.com

Dutch News reports that all non-consensual sexual acts will now be considered rape.

In our opinion this is great news because rape and/or molestation can be so much more than violent sexual acts and/or attempts. Rape and molestation truly come down to non-consensual sexual behavior.

This is definitely a step in the right direction. Click below to find out more!

All non-consensual sex to be classed as rape in new law

For so many BDSM can help with PTSD, anxiety, OCD, etc.

This week, Huff Post brings us a story about how Kate O’Kelly used BDSM to take control of her life after her assault.

Click below to learn more about this powerful story!

HuffPost is now a part of Verizon Media
HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development.
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Tagged With: anxiety, bdsm, bdsm healing, bdsm play, bdsm relationship, bdsm scene, boundaries, consent, fetish, kink, ocd, onlyfans, porn, pornhub, ptsd, rape, rape culture, sex, sex work, Sex Work Community, sex worker rights, sex workers

New Organization Founded, Los Angeles Consent Summit

May 30, 2016 By Wry 1 Comment

Los Angeles Consent Summit: A Coalition of Communities

On Wed May 18th, the first Los Angeles Consent Summit took place at The Hilton LAX, in conjunction with DomCon. The basic concept began as a gathering of the many underground and alternative communities in LA, as represented by various leaders, venue owners, party throwers, and event coordinators. Rather than a lecture or gathering of academics, the summit was held as a round table, open forum discussion in a town hall meeting format.

The intention was to create conversation and, eventually, a united consensus among our many overlapping and merging underground cultures, including: Burner, raver, electronic dance music, BDSM, fetish, goth, industrial, swinger, polyamory, Cosplay, Ren Faire, Fantasy, Costume Culture, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and more. The goal was to take the first steps toward consensus and discuss consent, especially the realities of law, community standards, liability, prevention, solidarity, Restorative Justice, and enforcement.

Consent Summit organizer Wry.
Consent Summit organizer Wry.

The general public was not invited, as attendees were vetted and hand chosen for their standing in our communities. We trust that the leaders of our communities will disseminate our conclusions to their personal sphere of influence, as they see fit. At a later date, we may conduct a larger event intended for the general public. Also, the founding of an organization and association, administrated by a Board of Directors, is in process.

Firstly, I thank everyone who participate, plus all who couldn’t attend and yet still supported the cause. Thank you very much. Special thanks to Mistress Cyan for providing us the time and space to make use of the Hilton during the opening day of DomCon. Mistress Cyan owns and operates the legendary Sanctuary LAX dungeon and club, a leader of the BDSM community in high standing, and the founder of DomCon, the largest BDSM and fetish convention in SoCal. This was my fifth year attending and a great honor in my 2nd year as a presenter.

This first LA Consent Summit was a resounding success regarding a specific goal: creating an in depth and productive conversation among the leaders of a vast array of subcultures who call LA their home, on equal footing. As far as we know, this is a first in the modern history of LA.

We defied expectations, which I must admit were grim in the eyes of many. Some people were expecting a dramatic yelling match, which would amount to more tension and less peace. Similar things have happened in the past, but not this time.
Our moderator was the ever engaging Sex Nerd Sandra (Sandra Daugherty), a recognized sex and relationship educator with over 14 million podcast downloads. Having played similar roles in the past, she volunteered to keep the conversation civil, on task, timely, productive, and efficient. In her own words:

“I was thrilled for the challenge. As a facilitator for such a tense subject, I made sure everyone knew I had made missteps around consent. I was impressed at how much people were glad to get into the advanced leadership skill sharing portion. I figured we’d talk 101 feelings and airing out of grievances, but it was clear our group was rearing to get proactive and solution-oriented.

“I was impressed and pleased with everyone’s patience and wisdom. The last thing I wanted was to be the boss of consent. I got to run around, hand people the mic, crack jokes and keep us to time. These LA community leaders made my job easy. Thank goodness. I was shaking at the start, all eyes on me, no one quite sure where we were headed that night. I kept reminding myself that this was a neat adventure we were creating together. ‘Twas pretty radtastic.” – Sandra Daughtery, SexNerdSandra.com

Sex Nerd Sandra Consent Summit

Congratulations and gratitude go to Sex Nerd Sandra for her extensive contributions to this first effort, including defining elements of the format and direction. Several recognized leaders of our communities have expressed interest in filling these shoes in the future. Due to privilege and the nature of power, we intend to keep in mind women, trans, POC, LGBTQA+, and other underrepresented groups for this moderator role.

Some of our goals:

– Discuss the future of consent and bring us one step closer to consensus on these matters.
– Determine the difference in enforcement and consequences regarding legal matters, community standards, specific event rules, and common decency.
– Assemble lists of resources for victims, including access to free initial consultations with lawyers, therapists, EMDR specialists, and psychiatrists who are kink and non-monogamy aware, as well as LGBTQA+ aware.
– Develop a Big Sisters, Big Brothers, and Big Non-Binaries program, providing victims and their families direct access to solidarity, wisdom, and friendship.
– Discuss how best to address the endless list of unaddressed violations from the past. If the victims wish to do so, this may include bringing justice where necessary, while keeping in mind that forgiveness, education, and redemption may be possible.
– Discuss how to prevent violations in the future.
– This is only the beginning. If the task list grows too long, we shall create an ongoing dialogue with possibly a biannual event, which would take place in late September.

Sandra in action during the discussion.
Sandra in action during the discussion.

At a later date, I wish to give credit where credit is due for the initial wisdom and inspiration of others. Inspiration has come from many places. None of us can do this alone and all of us can achieve something meaningful together.

Other similar events and Consent Summits exist, but in particular, our format differs. Our event featured no VIPs. No special guests. No scheduled speakers. No stage. No key note address. No hierarchy of importance among the attendees, other than the actual invite itself. This was by design and no accident. If you were invited, it was due to your role in our communities: past, present, and future.

Some basic guidelines for our future events:

– A townhall, group conversation, not a lecture.
– 2 mics: moderator and participant from the roundtable.
– Each event features a different moderator, as to avoid repetition and to increase inclusion.
– Time limits per speaker, with soft reminders leading up to cut off.
– Basic discussion structure, primarily driven by the audience.
– Diversity, individually, regarding race, gender, sexuality, age, and other orientations.
– Unity of various communities, as well as clear distinctions among them.
– Realistic action plans for the short term and long term.
– Increasing awareness of currently available resources and concepts, rather than reinventing the wheel.
– As free as possible, in a non-profit situation
– At differing days and times, as to appeal to various work and social schedules.
– And most importantly, a commitment to admitting that we can all do better, not only in our individual lives, but as a city. Our communities make up this city, not just our personal realms of influences.

Example of one of the major topics discussed at the summit; rape culture mentality.
Example of one of the major topics discussed at the summit; rape culture mentality.

The original intent was an annual event. Now, a quarterly schedule is being considered. One event each 3 months or so, taking place at various venues around the county. Furthermore, I personally will be hosting these summits across the nation over the next 18 months, side by side with my tour for my “Polytalks and Wry Relationships”. The task ahead of me is extremely ambitious and request your support. The next dates taking place are in San Diego (weekend of June 25th) and San Francisco (weekend of July 23rd).

Full disclosure: This article was written by the organizer and director of this event. My name is Wry. I am a relationship, sex, and BDSM educator specifically focused on Non-Monogamy and Polyamory. In addition, I’ve been the event coordinator for numerous events throughout Los Angeles, the co-founder of the Los Angeles chapter of Kinky Salon, a leader and event host with Sex Positive LA, and a frequent performer in the BDSM lifestyle community. My full bio can be found here.

Tagged With: consent, consent summit, domcon, rape culture

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