relationship

Experienced s-type & New D-type

May 23, 2016 By Jenn Masri 5 Comments

For those who don’t know, this past weekend was DomCon. I was teaching a 101 class the last day and was taking a few questions near the end. One question was about where best to start exploring as a couple. I was glad I asked a couple of questions of my own first. I said that it may depend on level of experience of both partners. I asked if the question was for two people who were both new to the scene. The man who had asked the original question answered that he and his female partner had different levels of experience. He had been in the scene for a while and she was brand new. I then asked what their dynamic was. He is the s-type, she the D-type.

SO glad I asked those questions. Here you have a fairly new relationship where the s-type has experience in the scene and is introducing their D-type to the dynamic and to the community. This situation can effect the dynamic if you aren’t aware or mindful.

I relate to this situation personally. First of all, if you look at my relationship history there are several times I have been in this situation. I call myself a recruiter. Lol It’s not on purpose – I just seem to meet/attract the newbies. (Even before I started teaching 101) My current relationship is no exception. We met at the munch that I host, however, he wasn’t a part of the munch – he just happened to be at the bar that I host the munch at. He had no idea who I was or what our group was about. Fortunately for me he was quite Dominant by nature as well as kinky (perhaps without realizing it). He had simply never been exposed to the scene or the concept of power exchange relationship dynamic.

In the beginning I was there to answer his questions, explain terms and concepts, take him to events, and introduce him to lots of other people in the community. What I realized after a bit, however, was that I didn’t want to be in the “teacher role” with him. In the personal dynamic we were supposed to be formulating he was supposed to be the leader, the teacher, the guide. By me taking that role due to our difference in experience, it began to feel like our D/s roles were somewhat reversed.

I got smart this time. I suggested he find someone (or more than one someone) to talk to and ask questions of. Specifically other D-types in the scene. Fortunately I call many of them friends and they have been very willing to support his journey through teaching and unofficial mentorship. Beyond developing these personal one-on-one relationships with other D-types, he has continued to go to classes and conferences. We talk about each class whether I attended along with him or not. It’s not that I don’t contribute my knowledge or continue to expose him to classes and other opportunities to learn and grow. However, if he needs assistance when it comes to the dynamic he has people to talk to besides me.

Quick example. I asked him if we could have a ritual to begin play because it helps transition my head space. His first instinct was to ask me what I wanted the ritual to be or ideas for him to create something. This was one of those things where I said I’d rather he talk to someone else for ideas, plan what he wants to do and then just TELL ME what the ritual WILL BE. This doesn’t mean I won’t provide feedback after my experience of said ritual or that it won’t necessarily get changed or tweaked. However, I don’t want to have input about everything. With this example I believe it became more clear to him about which things to discuss with me and which to discuss elsewhere.

So, ultimately, my answer for that couple was for them to discuss things they liked (he knew already) or things they (or she) were interested in exploring. And for her to focus on making other D-type friends, specifically female D-types, so that she wasn’t relying on him for all the answers.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

What is a Play Partner?

May 2, 2016 By Jenn Masri 4 Comments

The BDSM community has many labels to choose from. Some are used to describe one’s sexual orientation, some for gender identity, D/s role, etc. One of these labels that is used to describe a certain type of relationship is “play partner”. But what does this mean exactly?

Yes, there is the simple answer. A play partner is someone you play with. Ok good. We’ve established it’s someone you play with. Let’s move on from there shall we?

If you are in a D/s dynamic with someone it is usually assumed that you are play partners within that relationship. However, this is not to say that all people in dynamics play. You can be both, however, for some it can be one or the other.

Let’s talk about those that are only play partners, without more of a D/s relationship between them. Are you play partners with everyone you happen to play with? Not in my opinion. I certainly wouldn’t list them on my profile that way just because we happened to do a “pick up scene” last weekend. Can you imagine some people’s wall if they did this!! Lol
So what takes someone from the level of “friend” to “play partner”?

In my opinion an official play partner is someone that you play with regularly and consistently. Someone who is also not “more than” a play partner. Because, like I mentioned, for most people if you are more than just play partners then the play partner status is usually assumed.

One thing you cannot assume, however, is that someone is physically intimate with a play partner. As I’ve discussed in previous articles, play does not always mean sexual acts are involved. Can you be play partners and lovers? Absolutely. Yet both can be independent of the other as well.

So why be “just” play partners? I keep putting quotations around “just” for a very good reason. I never want to come across as trivializing a play partner relationship. Taking everything else out – no sex, no D/s (except for perhaps role play during scenes). You have a friend and someone that you trust to play with. To explore your deep dark fetishes, to try new things with, to push the limits of pain and pleasure. This is priceless whether you are the Top or the bottom. People will usually think of how great this relationship is when it comes to the bottom, however, there are very similar benefits for the Top. The Top has a partner to try new things with and explore new skills with (hopefully with supervision if needed), and someone to help push their limits as a Top.

As with any other label, only make this one official if the other person agrees. Everyone’s definition is different and they may not feel comfortable making this relationship public. It is a relationship that deserves respect and care. So if you have a play partner consider yourself lucky – whether it’s within another dynamic or not!

Collaring Part Two: The Ceremony

April 18, 2016 By Jenn Masri 3 Comments

Last week’s issue I wrote about collars and collaring. Types of collars, materials and representations. Once a couple has journeyed down the path of collaring with the end result of the Official Collar, many consider holding a Collaring Ceremony. If you think of the ceremony as being parallel with the vanilla wedding ceremony you can see that it should hold a high level of respect.

A Collaring Ceremony is as unique as the couple involved.

For the purposes of this article I will be writing under the assumption of people using a more traditional collar that goes around the neck. There are other ways that people “collar” their s-type and feel free to substitute those in your mind as you read this if you prefer. For those that don’t know other ways to collar, it could be a tattoo, a branding, another type of jewelry, etc.

Just like a wedding can be a quick trip to the courthouse, add a few signatures and you’re done – a collaring ceremony can also be casual and simple. Keep in mind there is no legality involved with a collaring, therefore, you don’t need a judge or witnesses. It can be as simple as giving a gift. The D-type presenting the collar to their s-type and putting it on them. Done. Simple.

On the other end of the spectrum it can be as elaborate as the wedding that includes a full orchestra and dove release!
The ceremony can be more traditional which may include guidelines for attire, D and s-type attendants, the progression of the ceremony, as well as what’s included. Even though an officiant isn’t required – you may still have someone in that type of position to help guide the ceremony. There can be formal vows, a Ceremony of Roses, submissive/slave trials, etc.
The ceremony of roses is a more old school, traditional part of the ceremony which includes a partially open white and fully opened red rose – the red rose from the D-type and the white rose from the s-type. Each person’s finger is pricked by the thorns and drops of blood are allowed to fall upon the white rose. This represents the bond between the two. There may also be a chain involved that is wrapped around the wrists of both parties. Some people go the extra step of suturing themselves together along, say, the forearm.

Some ceremonies will include trials for the s-type to prove their submission and dedication. This can include going through a series of impact via hand, whip, or other implements. The trials may be administered by the D-type of others who have been chosen to do so. I have also seen the trial consist of the D-type asking the s-type to prove their submission by undergoing one of their harder limits.

The couple may do this privately, with only a few witnesses, or 200 guests – it’s all up to them!
So as you can see, a formal collaring is something not to be taken lightly. It is our equivalent to getting married in the vanilla world. However, the ceremony can be as little or as elaborate as you wish. Bottom line is that it should have special meaning to those involved and something they can remember as a special day.

Collars and Collaring: Part One

April 11, 2016 By Jenn Masri 4 Comments

Owned slave or latest Hot Topic fashion? Hard to tell these days.

Let’s start with the basics. What can a collar be made out of? The answer is, just about anything. Steel, leather and rope are probably the most popular. However, keep in mind a “collar” isn’t necessarily something that must be worn around the neck. It may be a bracelet, ring, piercing, tattoo, etc. Basically anything that represents the relationship dynamic. Keep in mind also that a single s-type may wear a collar just to indicate that they are an s-type.

This brings us to what kind of collars you may wear or see others wear. There are pet collars that are usually used for those in a pet/trainer or owner dynamic or for those that normally identify in different roles but have a pet collar for when they specifically do pet play.

There is a play collar which is typically worn by the s-type in a scene with a play partner if their dynamic doesn’t go any farther than play. A play collar can also be used when the relationship is new and people are still in the get-to-know-you stage. They maybe don’t have an established dynamic but are enjoying play together or perhaps use it at events to show that they are in some kind of a relationship.

A type of collar that you don’t see as often, but is possible, is the collar of protection. When a D-type has committed to protecting an s-type in the community, the s-type may wear something that indicates that you need to go thru another individual (the D-type protecting them) before pursuing the s-type.

Now for the collars that begin to take a D/s relationship to the next level.

The Consideration Collar has traditionally been the step taken after the initial get-to-know-ya stage. The people involved have spent a little time together and have gotten to the point that they have decided to make more of a commitment. Think of this as going from dating casually to becoming a committed couple if you think of it in vanilla terms. The D-type is “considering” the s-type and the s-type is “under consideration” of the D-type. Now, keep in mind either person can leave the relationship at any time, so really they are both “considering” each other. However, the traditional way of thinking helps to maintain the D/s aspect. This time period is typically used for the couple to get to know each other further, go through negotiations for play and for the relationship, as well as continue to evaluate if this is the right person for them.

After this period is traditionally when the Training Collar is given. This would be somewhat parallel to getting engaged in vanilla terms. This is a big step and indicates that this relationship is getting very serious. During this stage the s-type is usually pretty aware of the expectations of the D-type, however, during this time the protocol and expectations may be strengthened or taken to a higher level. This is a good time for both parties to make sure this is something they want long term.

The final collar is the Official Collar, or Formal Collar, or Slave Collar. This can be equated with a vanilla marriage (the wedding ring). This represents a long term commitment for both parties in their D/s dynamic. It could be a D/s relationship or M/s relationship – that depends on the people involved. Many people will hold a collaring ceremony to bestow the official collar in front of their loved ones. The ceremony is the vanilla equivalent of a wedding and can range from very casual to quite elaborate.

These days I see more and more people bestowing collars more casually. It’s one thing if they are simply play collars, however, in my opinion any collar more than that should really be considered with a serious look at commitment, trust, and mutual respect with a partner that you have gotten to know for a decent amount of time.

Reader question: How to balance D/s and “real” life

March 15, 2016 By anniebear 2 Comments

anniebear here. We received a great question from a reader. This is a burning question for many folks trying to balance D/s and busy life schedules. It truly can be the biggest hang up in mastering a strong dynamic. We have our Kink Weekly writers to weigh in on the issue. Here is the question:

“I have a question that I was hoping I could get some help with. My work life makes me a very busy girl outside of my D/s relationship. My Sir, in efforts to support my life goals and lower my stress levels, tries to avoid adding extra daily tasks for me. However, this has the side effect of diminishing the levels of D/s in our relationship. I have looked for articles online about this, but only seem to find articles addressing how to put a submissive into headspace after coming home from work. My question is more focused on how my Sir can incorporate D/s into outside tasks that I already have to do independently of our relationship so that I can feel his presence and control throughout the day. Thanks for your help!”

Baadmaster says:

This might not help in answering your question, but you must realize that every D/s relationship is different.

There are those who view jobs as “off limits” and D/s begins and ends when the submissive arrives home (often with a greeting ritual) to when he/she leaves in the morning for work. I might add, from a purely practical point of view, this is the easiest strategy to use when dealing with jobs, kids or any non-D/s activity.

If your Sir and you want a literal 24/7 D/s union, then you have to accept there will be incursions into pure D/s because of outside demands. For example, you are working for Apple and Tim Cook calls you in for a group meeting. If your protocols require you to answer his calls or texts immediately, this situation will cause you enormous stress.

Once jobs are involved, one cannot expect unfettered D/s.

In your case, it is commendable that your Sir understands the difficulties in maintaining the D/s control in your workspace. I would suggest that he goes a little lighter on workplace demands – possibly making up for it by being a little stricter at home. This is just a suggestion.

In totality, one of the purposes of D/s is for a slave is to lesson stress levels by relieving him/her of many decisions, leaving those for the Dom/me. If in doing so, your Sir diminishes your perception of the D/s dynamic, so be it. In a battle between stress and lighter D/s, in my opinion, lighter D/s wins.

I might add, if you wish to feel his presence 24/7, collars work wonders!

Jenn says:

My suggestion is to come up with tasks that work FOR you and your life, rather than them becoming another stressor. Perhaps he chooses which panties you wear, or gives you a trinket you can carry or wear as a reminder of him. Perhaps the task is stress reducing, for example, that once before you go to lunch (or before noon) and once again before you leave work, you must stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and repeat a mantra in your head that he designs specifically for you. (maybe you send a quick text with one word or emoji that lets him know you completed the task) This maintains your connection and submission to him throughout the day without impeding on your schedule too much. Plus the added bonus of self care (mentally and physically).

These are just a few examples and hopefully the basic concept helps you come up with your own unique ideas!

anniebear says:

This is a tough issue! On a candid level, this is something Dexx and myself are always working more to strengthen. I applaud you for seeking advice outside of your relationship and having the self-awareness to know where improvement can be made.

First of all, it sounds like you and your Sir are able to communicate during the day. That’s great! With different jobs, it’s not always easy to check in during the workday. My suggestion is to start small and add on from there. Work out with your Sir a daily task. This can be something you are already doing for your job or an additional (small) task that He decides. The small task could even be having you write out five affirmations complimenting yourself in personal appearance or intellect. This task should have a deadline. For example, let’s say you must complete a job-based procedure each day but perhaps there is no deadline except for presenting it by the end of the day at your job. Your Sir can tell you to complete it by 2pm that day. He can check in with you before that time to make sure your on target, etc. If it’s a task he assigned, you must send him photographic or verbal evidence that it is complete by the designated time. These are very basic examples, but I think you get the picture.

I would personally look at my daily duties either at home or work and decide where I am the weakest. This would be the area where I would provide my Sir with feedback and ask for help. For example, while I’m personally very good at organization, I am not good at prioritizing what should be completed first and thus I can feel overwhelmed. I could work out a daily checklist to give to my Sir to hold me accountable.

The most important aspect of all of this is accountability and issuing subsequent punishment. Some days, even that one one extra task or deadline may seem like too much, but you need to focus on the D/s and take it one moment at a time. While your Sir is in charge, you are also 50% of the equation.

Daddy Dom/babygirl BDSM Relationships

March 7, 2016 By Jenn Masri 10 Comments

You may see this as DD/bg on Fetlife. You may also see DD/lg which typically stands for DaddyDom / little. So what’s the difference?

I will start this by saying that the following definitions are typically true. I never say they are always true because you can never assume that everyone defines themselves the same way. However, I will say that the way I define the difference between littles and babygirls is also similar to how several people who run parties and classes for the little community define the difference.

Someone who defines themselves as a “little” or has a “little” side to them, typically takes on a young persona some or most of the time. Typically it is a mindset where they will regress to a specific age or age set. It could be anywhere from infancy to adolescent. Keep in mind this is a persona and not related to what their power exchange dynamic is or even if they have one at all. They may or may not have sexual relationships. They are usually on the submissive end of the spectrum, but not always. If you attend a littles party you may find that a majority of the space is filled with people on the floor in footie pajamas with stuffed animals, coloring books, etc. The hosts may have a room or two away from the main space that is designated for BDSM play and/or sexual activity. The reason for this is that for many littles, adult activities of a sexual nature would be considered abusive or at least inappropriate. Added note: just because someone identifies as a little does not automatically mean they were abused as a child.

Babygirls, on the other hand, you can think more in terms of role-play – as opposed to regression. I don’t mean that to imply it is not a true and very real head space for them, just that rather than regressing to a certain age they are typically still an adult, but enjoy a nurturing dynamic. Sometimes age play will be included. For a babygirl, sex and BDSM play aren’t usually seen as inappropriate. Babygirls typically can enjoy being in this head space during adult activities. They may also be into incest or molestation play. However, once again, you can never assume that someone who enjoys this type of play was abused as a child. Regardless of the role-play aspect, most babygirls enjoy the underlying dynamic of the relationship.

This is why Daddy Doms fit well with babygirls. They both typically enjoy a more nurturing type power exchange. This may also include discipline. One major misnomer about Daddy Doms is that they are less sadistic. NOT TRUE! Not necessarily true at least. Lol If you are an s-type please don’t assume that getting involved with a Daddy Dom means they are teddy bears. They may be, but again you can’t assume this! There are plenty of DDs out there just as sadistic (or more so) than many Doms.

DDs also fit well with someone that identifies as a little. It is a different experience however. How these partners interact will look different. Some DDs have a preference for one or the other due to this.
As with any identifier people choose the same label for various reasons. Just as someone may identify as a Dom versus a Master – they have their reasons. Just ask!

A Third Leg

February 29, 2016 By Jenn Masri 1 Comment

No, this article is not about giant members. lol

So I was watching talk shows the other day. Well, I use the term “watching” loosely. More like glancing up at the TV occasionally while they were running in the background as I helped my kids with homework. Anyway, on one of the talk shows a co-host was mentioning something about how people have been saying that couples last longer if they have a “third leg”. She went on to describe what this meant. Basically she was referring to things like having kids, shared TV shows (and being able to watch them together thanks to streaming networks), a common hobby, etc. Something they can focus their attention on as a couple that is outside of themselves.

The reason for the “third leg” being helpful in keeping couples together and interested in one another is that it gives them something to talk about and connect over. It’s amazing how much people will thank streaming networks for saving their marriage! Especially since it used to be that if a couple only had kids to connect over they were at a loss once the kids moved out. Now with external entertainment at our fingertips we have much more to interact about for an infinite amount of time.

This got me thinking however, about those of us into kink and/or polyamory.

We have those same things to connect over, TV shows, maybe kids for those in the scene that share children, perhaps common vanilla hobbies as well. However, in addition we share kink. For some it is like another hobby we enjoy together, for others it’s our lifestyle. Either way it’s something else we share with our partner(s) and look forward to. If we play then we look forward to that – maybe planning scenes or deciding which parties to attend. If we are involved in a power exchange relationship then we may spend time together communicating about rules, protocol, etc.

When it comes to poly it’s an entirely new level. If there are other partners then (similar to kids) you have another (or other) actual people to connect over, communicate about, plan things with, and talk to. With or without other partners you may still be communicating about how poly will work for you. Discussing finding a new partner or partners. Perhaps you go out together to meet potential play partners, lovers, and/or life mates. There are those that have other partners and are also looking for additional partners. I don’t know where they find the time, but that’s just me! Also unlike kids, additional partners don’t necessarily fall under the same developmental timeline of growing up and moving out or away from you. This doesn’t mean that poly relationships don’t end, however, you are then able to continue opening up to others in the attempt to find and unite with new people. You can’t just go out and try to find new kids to replace the ones that left for college!

The point of all this is that if you’re involved in kink, poly relationships, or both – you have opened up a whole new world of “third leg” possibilities to connect over. This not only keeps life interesting, but our relationships as well.

Common Mistakes in Poly Relationships

February 22, 2016 By Jenn Masri 2 Comments

Jenn Masri here. This is not my original writing. We’ve posted part of the article here and it can be read in full at the blog More Than Two.

This is a long article, however, if you are in a poly dynamic or thinking about entering one, this hits on many important points. I like it because it is written for those who are approaching poly from a well-intentioned and compassionate place, yet mistakes and hazards can still happen. Enjoy!- Jenn
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Article by Franklin Veaux

With grateful acknowledgement to Suzie, for her insight and contributions

There is an excellent guide to screwing up poly relationships on the alt.polyamory site, which describes in some detail the petty, mean-spirited, malicious things that you can do to help ensure that your relationship fails in the most dramatic, painful way possible.

This is not that page.

This page is designed to describe some of the mistakes you can make in a non-monogamous relationship even if you are compassionate, honest, and well-intentioned. Sometimes, building a stable, happy, non-monogamous relationship is not intuitive, and there are mistakes that can be made along the road no matter how well-intentioned you may be. Ideally, you should seek to learn from other people’s mistakes rather than your own; it’s a lot less trouble.

Don’t make assumptions about your partner or your relationship; talk about everything

There are people in the world who don’t like talking about relationship stuff, or who see it as an onerous chore. The problem with that is you can easily end up in a situation where you think something’s okay with your partner, or that you’re at some place in your relationship with your partner, or that you’re in a type of relationship that allows some things or doesn’t allow others, and your partner has a completely different idea. Finding that out by talking about it is a lot less dramatic than finding it out by crossing a line you didn’t even know existed. Be clear up front about what your partner expects from you (and about what you expect from your partner), and you’ll be a lot happier, trust me.

Don’t ignore the consequences of your actions—even the unintended consequences

The law of unintended consequence is as universal and as inescapable as the law of gravity, and is certainly more than capable of screwing up your romantic relationship beyond all recognition.

Put simply, your decisions and your actions have consequences for both your partners and your relationships, and you bear responsibility for these consequences—even if you feel that your decisions were appropriate and justified, even if you feel that your actions were expressly permitted by the rules of your relationship.

The most common example of unintended consequence can be found in relationships that have “veto” rules permitting one partner to veto another partner’s romantic relationships. Most of the time, veto is a negotiated and mutually agreed-upon rule; the people in a relationship that includes a veto power explicitly give that veto power to their partner.
Yet if your partner falls in love with someone, and you then veto that relationship, you are almost certain to hurt your partner. It does not matter if your partner explicitly agreed to that veto power and explicitly consented to give you that power; when a person loses a romantic relationship, it hurts. That’s the way human beings work. When you hurt your partner, that can and likely will affect your relationship with your partner, even if your partner explicitly gave you that power. Now, I’m not saying you should never exercise a veto; but I am saying that when you make a decision affecting your partner, seek to understand how it affects your partner, and take responsibility for that. Say “Yes, I know this hurts you, and I’m sorry.” Acknowledge that your decisions may affect your relationship with your partner, and take responsibility for those effects, even if they were unintended.

This is probably the single most crucial factor to the success of any relationship. Everything you do—whether it’s inviting your partner to some function but not inviting your partner’s partners, or seeking to exclude your partner’s other partners from things that are important to you, or even something as simple as not acknowledging the value your partner sees in his or her other relationships—will affect your relationship with your partner, sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes in ways that are more obvious. Be aware of the consequences of your decisions as well as your reasons for making them.

Don’t try to micromanage your feelings, or those of your partners

One of the more common problems in a polyamorous relationship arises when one of the people involved, in an effort to feel less threatened or more secure, seeks to control the extent to which his or her partner becomes emotionally involved with another partner. People often feel threatened by emotional intimacy—sometimes, more threatened than by physical intimacy. But trying to micromanage emotions isn’t the way to solve that problem.
Emotions are resistant to being managed that way; it’s virtually impossible to pass a “rule” that says “you may be physically intimate with another person, but you may not be emotionally intimate past this point” and have it stick. It’s not always possible to predict what relationships will become emotionally intimate, or how they’ll become emotionally intimate; attempting to manage insecurity or fear by micromanaging emotional connections is virtually certain to fail. In fact, sometimes, attempts to micromanage emotional intimacy lead to the next problem, which is:

Continue reading here.

D/s Concepts that Work for Any Realtionship

January 18, 2016 By Jenn Masri 4 Comments

I came across an article recently on a vanilla/mainstream psychology website. You can view the original article here, but basically it talks about doing relationship check-ins.

The author advises couples to sit down on an annual basis and review their marriage – this article advises doing it alongside a professional, such as a therapist. She relates it to a performance review that may happen in a workplace. However, I relate it to the relationship contracts we create as part of D/s dynamics.

Once a D/s couple has created a contract, typically it includes an annual review or even a monthly review – or anything in between. The author basically describes a check-in that consists of creating a safe space to discuss issues that have come up and give one another feedback. In this sense what the author describes and what D/s partners do is very similar. We go over our contract and offer feedback as to what we think has been working and what we have issues with. We go over protocols that may have been forgotten (which is why written contracts come in handy – they work as reminders), others that haven’t worked out well, and confirming the ones that work. Depending on what we include in our contract, the “review” may include updating limits and/or rules or boundaries surrounding poly dynamics.

For both the vanilla and D/s version of this idea it creates a sense of closeness and connection while identifying issues that may have come up over the past year, month, 3 months, etc. It also confirms all the things that have been, and still are, working. For the D/s relationships it strengthens the bond of the power exchange as well.

What I love about all this is that here is an example of something we have done in our community for decades – and the mainstream community is catching on. I think as we continue to find and expose more examples like this (there are plenty) and could explain what is happening under the kink jargon to mainstream people, we could show why more and more studies are concluding that D/s relationships are just as healthy, if not in many cases healthier, than vanilla ones. Perhaps some of the stigma we face would be lifted.

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