sanctuary

Rico J Coria Photography

Can you tell us a little about your background and how you got your start in the Kink Community?

I was a bit of an introvert growing up and had more books than friends back in the day! One day, I stumbled across Marquis de Sade’s book “Justine” and  my curiousity was peaked! I did my research and never looked back. I went to munches, then play parties, and eventually was lucky enough to end up working at one of the dungeons I frequented.

Can you tell us what fulfills you most about being a professional submissive?

As cliché as it sounds, the ability to allow people to express parts of themselves they might have originally felt ashamed of, as well as being able to educate through communication and vulnerability.

What is the biggest challenge you face with your job?

Primarily, creating a space that allows people the ability to give themselves permission to just be. As a pro-sub, many of our clients tend not to be lifestylers (whether due to a busy job, or partner complications, etc). With this being said, allowing people the space to communicate their interests and desires in a healthy way can be a little tough because in our society opening up to people – especially to strangers-may seem like a daunting task. Before play, first and foremost, I strive to create an atmosphere where clients can feel free to express themselves if they allow me to do so.

Do you feel that pro submissives are more at risk safety-wise than pro Doms? What are some precautionary measures you always make sure to take?

I can only speak from my experience, and my experience in being a pro-submissive has always been within a specific dungeon I work at. At our dungeon, we always have a negotiation prior to actual play to establish one another’s limits and expectations of what will happen within play. During play, we use safe words if needed, the doors do not lock, and typically the receptionist will keep time of the sessions, and use an intercom system to give “last ten minute” notifications, which I have to verbally respond to as a check-in system. I can’t gauge risk overall because I personally have never felt at-risk, and it would be irresponsible for me to guess.

What are your specialties?

I’m a bit of a Jill-of-all-trades! My specialty is being so versed in kink personally that I am able to take on the energy my partner desires in a scene, make it my own, and have fun! Some have told me, however, that I stand out in the areas of Ageplay Roleplay (DDLG, and ABDL) as well as petplay, impact, and protocol.

Do you find that pro submissives are rarer than other kinds of professionals in the Kink Community?

That’s an interesting question! Within the Kink Community I don’t believe so. However, when dealing with those who may not be in the community, pro-submissives are definitely considered a rarity. Mainstream television is filled with portrayals, interviews, and scenarios about Dominatrixes, so, when I mention that I’m a pro sub (and that pro-switches exist) most people initially have a hard time wrapping their head around it!

Do your own fetishes factor into your work? If so, how?

Partially! I’m lucky enough to be a pretty versatile play partner. So, apart from about three hard limits, I’m typically able to take on the energy that a client wants from me, make it my own, and find it enjoyable! That being said, it’s also useful because if a client comes in who is apprehensive or simply uncertain about certain fetishes, I can add my personal experience of engaging in it to make the experience relatable, and hopefully encourage them to feel open enough to explore it together with me. It’s amazing how often people fantasize about fetishes, but may be scared to act them out once they find a willing partner in real life, and I feel grateful that I’m able to help people through it.

Are you a lifestyler as well? If so, how do you separate your work and private life? Do you identify as a submissive in your personal life?

I’m definitely a lifestyler, and I do identify as submissive all around! The only time I will ever really “top” is for educational purposes, or in videos when I have a specific idea and don’t have a top available. Submissive doesn’t necessarily mean doormat though!

In terms of separating what I do in my professional life, there isn’t much of a clear line. However, the most concrete example I can think of is through my play style. While I’m a versatile sub and genuinely enjoy playing off of my partner’s energy for scenes, I do personally enjoy rougher, more intense scenes that push my limits as a masochist. What I am talking about tends to involve blood, (one example being that my favorite toy is literally a barbed wire bat named Lucille), and usually includes psychological manipulation. This cannot happen in a professional scene. Another example may be that in professional sessions there is more of a regard for my client, their experience, and their catharsis over mine – whereas, in my personal play it may be the opposite.

What is the most fun aspect of your job?

Being able to facilitate a variety of fetishes in one day! It’s so much fun having clients come in, and going from fetish to fetish through the span of a work day! It never gets dull and I’m always on my toes.

What do you feel your clients gain from sessions with you? What is unique about what you can offer your clients?

As cliché as it sounds, I feel my clients can gain the confidence to explore and communicate their fetishes with their partners or by themselves. I suppose I am unique in that there’s not many fetishes or kinks that I’m not versed in. Because I’m a huge kinkster as well, I can happily provide the space for clients to become educated,  be encouraged, and feel comfortable enough to explore.

Do you feel you have grown personally from being a pro submissive? If so, how? Have your clients grown from sessions with you? If so, how?

Quite so! If clients learned from me and I learned nothing back it would be such a stagnant process. I feel I’ve personally grown in my ability to establish boundaries, communicate effectively, and facilitate negotiations that cover a wide basis in order to prepare both parties, and help create a more comfortable experience. And I hope that my clients learn the same, along with (if needed) how to safely engage in different aspects of BDSM play.

What would you say is the best advice you can offer those looking to be a pro submissive?

For those seeking to be a professional submissive, please have a gauge of what you are into as well as your limits. If you’re uncertain about certain areas of kink, don’t be afraid to speak up and acknowledge them when negotiating with a client – or if you’re able to try it on your own, do so! Not having a firm idea of your boundaries and interests not only does you a disservice, it does the client one as well!

What is the best advice you can give to those wanting to find a pro submissive?

Please be respectful of boundaries, and research the submissive you are interested in seeing! Just like every person, we all have our own unique specialties and limits, and are not one size fits all. That being said, while not always necessary, an idea of what you were hoping to experience always helps, so, when negotiating the submissive has a better idea of the scene, and is less likely to feel caught off guard. Also, don’t be afraid if you haven’t the slightest clue of what you want! It’s natural to be nervous, but rest assured there is a desire to help make your fetishes come to life as much as possible, and there is no judgement.

What do you love the most about working at Sanctuary?

The sense of family and closeness to community! I don’t have much of a bio family. Because of this, being able to have a chosen family that I can work, grow, and learn with is an opportunity I never would have dreamed of. It literally is a sanctuary!

How do your core values govern your professional and personal life concerning kink?

I go by two values:

The first is “The 4Cs” created by The Center for Positive Sexuality – “Consent, Communication, Caring, and Caution”

The second is more prevalent in the kink community and it is RACK – “Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink”

Both of them are important and powerful values when combined. The 4Cs apply greatly to my professional kink work, while RACK is powerful for my personal kink life. In professional kink work, following the 4Cs can be a great guide in helping to enhance a scene and making it as meaningful as possible -with all parties aware of boundaries and needs while doing so.

What do you feel is the most important thing to remember concerning power exchange?

In my opinion, in a power exchange it is important to remember that Dominant does not mean asshole (unless consented to), and submissive does not mean doormat (unless consented to)! And even then, joking aside, those terms can be interpreted differently from person to person! Power exchanges can only take place when both parties give consent for it to occur, and are aware of one another’s expectations, boundaries, and needs while doing so.

Any closing words?

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my perspective! If people are interested in seeing me in action, but are too far to play with me at Sanctuary Studios LAX, I have a kinky clip store that showcases a variety of  fetishes that I am into, along with things I may not be available to do in person (www.clips4sale.com/97659). I am also on twitter @subbie_cupcake! Thank you again for your time!

About Submissive Cupcake SinClair