• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » self work

self work

Avoid The Kink Holiday Push

November 1, 2020 By Elyssa Rice 2 Comments

lesbian collar bdsm play
via stock.adobe.com

Winter time is coming. The weather is slowly beginning to change and the desire to pair up is seeping into the minds of many. As we enter Autumn, the pull towards developing new relationships continues to grow but in the time of Covid, there is a major barrier to creating those winter time pairings. Further, for those in the kink world, finding not only a partner but a kinky partner can make things even more challenging. 

Navigating dating as a kinky person can be quite difficult. Between the limited resources available to find quality kinky partners to the frequent fetishizing of kinky folks, it can be hard to find serious connections that can grow into long term relationships. In fact, it can even be a struggle to find something casual. It is important when pursuing new relationships, especially those that are kinky, to take your time, pay attention to red flags, and never lower your standards. 

Do not lower your standards

I cannot stress enough how important it is to remain dedicated to the standards that you have set for yourself. When we are in a clear head space, it is much easier to reflect on the type of partner that we may want but often, in times when we are eager to partner up, we may pair with someone who may not be suitable for our needs. To remain diligently committed to the standards that have been set for ourselves can be a challenge, however it will likely increase the opportunity to find a partner who is a better match. 

Do not rush

It is easy to approach this season with the feeling that a relationship must begin immediately. The desire to pair up is often influenced by loneliness which in turn creates feelings of discomfort and distress. It is important not to let those feelings inform the decisions that are being made when trying to pair up. Rushing into relationships often leads folks to miss red flags that may have otherwise come up if more time was taken. While finding an excellent partner may happen early in the dating process, it can be helpful to slow down and take your time as you go forth with getting to know that person and potentially committing yourself to them. 

Do not ignore red flags

One of the riskiest things folks can do when beginning a new relationship is ignore red flags. This is even more dangerous when the relationships have a kink component. Red flags are meant to warn us from potential risk and it is easy to overlook those risks when the desire to be in a relationship is overwhelming. Looking at our past experiences can allow us to recognize where there have been errors in our judgement. Perhaps we saw a trait that we convinced ourselves we could get used to when in reality, it should have been a deal breaker. As people approach this cuffing season, it will be helpful to not attach to someone who exhibits traits that we deem toxic or unhealthy for our well being. 

The dating process may seem daunting but it is possible, even in these unusual times, to find a partner or partners who can make this winter even more cozy. Overall, looking at relationships with an open mind and approaching slowly and cautiously may allow for stronger and more healthy connections to be made. So this fall, as you approach the season of connection, remember that cuffing, whether emotionally or physically, requires diligence, patience and hopefully a bit of fun. 


Elyssa Rice is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in the Kink and Alternative Lifestyle community. She is a writer, lecturer and advocate for sexual empowerment and sexual freedom. She has a private practice in Los Angeles, CA and is dedicated to shifting the narrative about both the mental health and Kink community.

Tagged With: bdsm, boundaries, communication, fetish, kink, red flags, self work

Finding Your Ideal Kinky Partner

October 4, 2020 By SafferMaster 3 Comments

Dakota found just the kind of guy she was looking for

When I found myself divorced after a long, long unhappy and sexually unfulfilling marriage, I resolved to  find my ideal partner. I made the choice to create a 24/7 sex forward, kink forward relationship with a  submissive masochist who would be my live-in collared slut and true love. This was singularly the most  important choice I could have made at the time. It took me a couple of years of focused effort to find  her and to create the amazing life we live each day, which surpasses everything I could have imagined.  In fact, I would say that the outcome is far beyond my wildest expectations. I am present to a life of kink,  with extraordinary sexual encounters every day that are literally mind blowing. Beyond that, my partner  and I are 100% aligned with each other in literally every way. The difference this has made to my life is  extraordinary. Imaging being married to a woman who was more interested in motherhood than our  relationship and who found kink “too naughty” to engage in on one hand, compared to now, where I am  completely fulfilled in my darkest kink desires routinely, and our journey down the rabbit hole together  is exciting, producing moments of ecstasy that are completely indescribable every single day. It is the  difference between chalk and cheese. I am present to being happy, fulfilled and loved in a manner that  was simply not available to me in the past. The effort was worth it.  

If you were to ask my partner, Lady Petra, she will tell you that as my marked, collared slut she  experiences feeling complete in a way that is new for her, being both deeply loved and also experiencing  what she describes as “true love”.  

In short, we are happier and more fulfilled in our relationship than either of us had ever been, or knew  how to be.  

This level of alignment is available to you too. This article is a primer on how to set about finding your  ideal partner and creating the relationship of your dreams.  

If you can see it, you can create it.  

Begin by Imagining the kink relationship of your dreams. Imagine being completely aligned with your  partner. Imagine having a relationship where there is no space between you, where you have no  concerns, where the sex is extraordinary and where you are truly whole-hearted. Imagine both you and  your partner being fully self-expressed as your true authentic selves.  

A shared love of spanking brought Lola and OT together

This state of bliss is absolutely available to you.  

A good place to start the inquiry of how to bring this about is to get crystal clear as to what your  motivations are. Here the issues are personal. How do you see yourself and how do you interact with  the world around you?  

Then there are the concerns that relate to two people creating workability in their relationship. Are you  looking for a life partner? A play partner? A Master? A Slave? Are you in touch with your demons? Do  you play well with others? 

Make an inventory of who you are. Are you able to keep your word? Do you have personal integrity in  your relationships? Do you know what, in a perfect world, a relationship with your ideal partner would  look like beyond the sex?  

The first step,then, is to get completely clear about who you are….how you see yourself.  The second step is to examine how you see others.  

Think of kink as being represented by a sheet of paper. The range of kinks on the X- axis, with the range  of intensity on the Y-axis. Imagine that you occupy an area the size of a quarter on that page. The  objective is to find a partner with whom you have maximum overlap.  

Time to ask yourself some more questions…this time the questions are related to your sexual desires,  i.e. in a perfect world, what specifically you like done to you, what specifically would you like to do to  your partner. What level of intensity do you desire? How frequently do you like to play. How long does  your ideal scene last? What sort of aftercare you desire and so on.  

Step three is to consider how you occur to others.  

It’s time to get your social media platform to align with your self-discovery. The best advice I can give  you here is to be completely authentic. 

When Daisy met Steven

I wrote a seeking post that I spread around the kink internet. I posted it as my “About” in my profiles  and within a week, the women I was seeking showed up.  

She said to me on our very first date “I swear, you wrote that to me, personally”. She had embarked on  her own search by reading hundreds of profiles. When she landed on my page she knew she had found  her man. Now, she is my collared slut and we are incredibly happy.  

The point is that you have to do the prep work to be able to successfully attract your ideal partner. 

Its 3 parts:  

– How do you occur to yourself ?

– How do others occur to you?  

– How do you occur to others?

Doing complete work will give you the best chance to create your ideal relationship. Good luck! 


SafferMaster and Lady Petra are kink relationship coaches offering a range of services that can be accessed on their Patreon “Lady Petra Playground”. In addition Lady Petra and SafferMaster host the daily podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour that can be found on your favorite podcast server. Lady Petra and
SafferMaster will teach a workshop on DatingKinky.com in
September/October. You can find Lady Petra on Fetlife @Lady_Petra. You can find SafferMaster on Fetlife @SafferMaster.

Tagged With: bdsm, boundaries, communication, fetish, kink, partnership, self inventory, self work, sex

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Premium lockable ankle cuffs

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in