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Status

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Dominatrix: Mercenary Mistress
Photographer: Danny Stygion
Corset: FetCraft
MUA: Texas Dela Rosa
Shoes: Refuse To Be Usual
Location: Austin Dungeon

Hello everyone! Today we are going to talk about status and how it should not be the only thing one relies on to navigate who is “good” and “bad” in the lifestyle.

As humans we are constantly having so much info thrown our way every second of every day that it only makes sense that we come up with systems to try to sort through info. For example, a lot of job recruiters only will look at resumes with MBA’s or some people will only stay at hotels that are rated three stars or higher.

The same type of thinking and categorizing is often done in the BDSM/Kink Community. For instance, some will attach ethos to someone if they are a teacher in the community or have been in the lifestyle for over ten years or if a D-type has more than two subs. Everyone makes their own criteria as to what is “good and respectable.” However, while these technicalities can often guide someone in the right direction, they can also be a short cut to not fully reading the person or situation correctly or clearly.

Just because someone is a teacher does not mean they are presenting the most accurate info. Someone could also be in the lifestyle for twenty years and be practicing unsafe and unhealthy behaviors. The D-type with the two subs might not be not upholding a strong code of ethics.

My point is, is that things are not always what they seem and to make a sound judgment one should combine the technicalities and labels with more info. Anyone can call themselves a submissive or Dominant, but are they sticking to the code of ethics that we as a community expect them to live by?

It’s important to get to know one another as people too. The newbie could surprise you. This is why I don’t go solely by numbers and labels when navigating the community.

I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to judge someone solely by one fact (unless that fact is detrimental to one’s self, sanity, or safety in some way). When someone goes off of one fact, black and white thinking often begins to occur. People are either “good” or “bad” or “friend” or “enemy.” In my opinion, the world is too complex for these simple categories. Humans are often so many things, with so many sides.

Get to know them. Listen to them. Don’t judge a book by its cover. And don’t get so hung up on numbers.

There are always going to be those ego-driven people that want to puff out their chests and say “I have been a Mistress or Master for fifteen years, so you should bow to me” or “I have been a Kink Educator for thirty years this is the only way to do X or be Z.” I wouldn’t listen to those people. Time is not the only indicator of how knowledgeable someone is. People that discount other ways of doing things are only stunting their own growth in my opinion. And to me, this community and lifestyle is about discovery and growth.

With this being said, go out, make smart choices, make healthy friends, and enjoy yourselves in a safe, sane, and consensual manner!

As always feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny is the Creative Director of Kink Weekly. Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she is proud to announce that she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year. She gratefully belongs to her wonderful Master/husband, and wears her collar with such immense joy.

With the help of her degree in Psychology and her career in the fitness industry, she has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.

Interview with Master Anthony and slave Robin

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What are the main core values that you structure your dynamic around?

Master Anthony: Transparency. Integrity.

slave Robin: Protecting the property, which is the relationship and each other.

How can these values be observed in your dynamic and behaviors?

Master Anthony: For myself, I try very hard to do what I say I am going to do to. To be a man of my word. To live up to what I say and that’s my integrity.

slave Robin: For me, no matter what the situation is, I too always tried to live up to being a person of my word, but also to never embarrass Master in public by my behavior or lack thereof ever. Transparency would be that if by chance I should do that, I would be the very first person to raise my hand and tell him that it has been done.

Master Anthony: We’re both transparent with each other. We talk to each other a lot about what’s going on with ourselves and with each other. When there are any problems or issues coming up, we spent a lot of time talking about that.

slave Robin: We are also very transparent with the community. You can ask me anything and I’m going to give you an honest answer. May not be an answer you like, but it’ll be an honest one.

What is the biggest benefit you get from being M/s?

Master Anthony: The biggest benefit is that I have somebody that I can be 100 percent truthful and honest with, and I don’t have to hide. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to second guess. There’s always doubts that come up because we’re human and that happens. However, when this does happen, I remind myself of who she is and who I am and forge ahead anyway. Having open, honest communication and an honest relationship removes a lot of the guesswork that I have found, in my experience, to be present in other types of relationships.

slave Robin: For me, being able to be truthful, honest, and who we are with each other gives me the feeling of belonging and normalcy; I couldn’t ask for a deeper, more fulfilling relationship than what I have.

What is the biggest challenge, in your opinion, about being M/s? How do you deal with this challenge?

Master Anthony: For me, I think the biggest challenge is being open and honest all the time.

At times, it can be very scary, and there are times when you really don’t want to talk. We’ve found the times you don’t want to talk, are the times you most have to be open and honest.

slave Robin: We’re also parents, and blended parents. When you bring the kids into the equation, the dynamic becomes a little more difficult. So, I would say having a blended family and having to deal with that is the biggest challenge for me.

Do you use protocols and rituals? If so, can you give us a couple of examples?

Master Anthony: We have a ritual that we developed to help remind us of the relationship we are in and how we choose to live our lives. Every evening before bed I offer her her collar, and ask her if she wishes to continue to be in my service. After she answers (assuming she says “yes”), I put her collar on her. In the morning, before we part for the day, we have another ritual similar to that one. I offer her her collar. During this morning ritual, we are again reminded of who we are and the type of dynamic that we’ve chosen to live in. So, we have these as a bookend to both ends of our day to help us stay in touch with that.

slave Robin: We have a protocol for when we’re uncomfortable, which is a safeword that each of us can use, which is “hold me”. This alerts the other one in any scenario, any time, anywhere that there’s an issue. We also have specific rituals regarding how our days should start, what it’s supposed to look like, the things I’m supposed to do in the morning before he goes to work. For example, I make sure his coffee is ready, the way he likes it, his breakfast is ready to go with him, and I make sure that he is prepared for work.

I also have to check in with him during the day. It grounds us both and reminds us of the dynamic that we’re in. If I should happen to miss the check in time, due to my job, the protocol is I then either have to write a love letter or take an indecent photo in the bathroom at work.

If you do use protocols and rituals, what is the main reason you have them? How do they enhance your dynamic?

Master Anthony: I want to go back and touch on the getting up in the morning protocol, which has just started because I’d gotten really used to her getting up with me in the morning. Then, one morning she didn’t get up. I started to get a little bit upset and irritated. I realized later, she didn’t even hear me get up or anything. Here I was getting all flustered and upset over nothing at all. So, we set up this protocol that it is now my responsibility to make certain she actually wakes up, and that she lets me know whether or not there’s some overwhelming reason she can’t get up that morning, but so far that hasn’t happened.

So here was this little irritant that could have started a fight, but didn’t because we just made a protocol out of it, and said “okay, this is the way it’s going to be.” And now we don’t ever have to worry about that situation again.

slave Robin: Our protocol of using a safeword to let one another know we’re distressed helps to avoid conflict and trauma; we each are able to get our needs met when they need to be met.

Do you have a contract or some kind of written document? Why or why not?

slave Robin: I don’t think we could survive without a contract. Because I’m so grounded in reality, very analytical, and I’m always the planner, I have to be able to know what this is going to look like. So, we use a contract to spell out everything. Our contract encompasses our personal health, our mental well being. It encompasses high protocol settings, low protocol settings, playtime with others, relationships with others.

Master Anthony: The contract is a living document that represents a living relationship that grows and changes. So, the document itself can grow and change as needed. Every couple years or so we add in the changes that we made, print it out, and resign it. It makes things simpler. You know what the rules are.

slave Robin: Contracts evolve over time. The one you start with today is not going to be the same one you need five years from now.

If so, what does your contract look like?

Master Anthony: As far as how our contract looks, I am very familiar with contractual language. Being familiar with it, that’s how I wrote it. It’s very cut and dry. It’s written in a very technical kind of contractual pros.

slave Robin: The reason we did that was because it holds you accountable to your word. It’s black and white. You agreed to this. You signed your name. You said these are the things you would do, and I said these are the things I would do, and we’re clear on that. There’s no question about what is supposed to be or how it’s supposed to be. If changes need to happen, that’s a different discussion, and that can become an addendum. But, you can’t say, “oh, well, I just decided to do x, y, and, z ,and figured we’d stick that in the contract later.” No, that doesn’t work.

Where do you feel is the best place for newbies to start their journey into M/s and/or into the Kink Community?

Master Anthony: Munches and social events to get to know people. Classes for education and to get to know people and network. There’s absolutely wrong with going to a dungeon by yourself. I think for the average woman in American society a dungeon is by far, for the most part, a safer place than say your neighborhood bar. Because a woman may have to say “no” to the same guys 30 times in a bar. At most, you’ll have to say “no” to some guy twice in a dungeon. And after that the guy is 86’d.

slave Robin:There’s always the protection of people who are around that are watching out for you in the dungeon. You don’t have that at a bar.

Master Anthony: There’s also nothing wrong with going to a dungeon by yourself to watch other people play because you might see something that really turns you on that looks interesting. I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with pickup play either.

Also, don’t sit on the sidelines. Actually become a part of the community. The amount of wisdom and support and love available in the community cannot be understated.

When I first came in the community, I saw there was a common story. I always thought there was something wrong with me. That I was broken. Maybe 15 minutes into my very first munch event I realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly normal. I just never met other people like me or at least knowingly met other people like me. That was hugely affirming for me.

I know you both are title holders. Can you please tell us more about that experience and the impact (hopefully positive) it had on your relationship?

Master Anthony: Very positive.

slave Robin: You grow in ways you can’t even imagine. You meet the most amazing people who know you’re out trying to help them and surprisingly you get so much more back than it’s possible to say. It’s really an honor to be received as the representative for your community, but it’s even more than that. It’s so fulfilling that it’s hard to put into words. For us, not only did it strengthen our dynamic, but it also made us look at our dynamic more critically and make adjustments to things that maybe might have taken longer to see.

Master Anthony: I would say for us running for the Master/slave title really allowed us to focus all of our time and all of our energy on our dynamic, on our relationship, on each other, which was fabulous.

slave Robin: I think it really boils down to you take away from it what you put in. If you don’t give it your all, you’re not going to get as much back. And just because your peers have agreed to have you represent them does not make you all knowing. There are some people who think because you have a stash or because you have a title, it means you must know everything or some people flip it and say because I have it I know everything. That’s really not true. It is an overwhelming feeling to go from being a pervert to somehow respectable. With this being said, it just depends on how you as a person choose to handle it.

What do you feel is the best way to structure honest communication in the midst of a power exchange dynamic?

slave Robin: You have to be truthful and honest. When you’re not, especially as a slave, it can be manipulative. However, it’s not always intentional. It just ends up happening that way because if a Master doesn’t have the full information, how can they make a decision on anything that’s only partly conveyed to them?

Master Anthony: We were given some very good advice by Guy Baldwin. She didn’t want to bother me with little problems that she felt she could handle all on her own. And Guy said, “Oh, so you only want to bother him with the really hard crap. You don’t want to give him little things are easy to handle?”

slave Robin: The truth is it’s hard to be transparent. It takes practice and it takes constant inward reflection. It’s not about an argument; it’s about a discussion and making sure you can have those discussions even when you don’t want to.

In your experience what helps keeps your M/s structure in tact when vanilla problems strike?

slave Robin: You have to be flexible at times. For example, since we are 24/7 when he’s sick, I can’t expect him to master me. Your have to be realistic in your expectations of the protocols you set up. It’s all wonderful in theory. But what really matters is the application of it. You have to recognize the difference between what’s romanticized and what’s not.

Master Anthony: You’re in a relationship with somebody who grows and changes as you grow and change yourself. So, the relationship grows and changes, therefore, the dynamic has to grow and change as well.

slave Robin: It comes down to working around whatever the barriers are, and putting forth the effort to maintain and make sure that the dynamic is what takes charge and stays there. He mastered me from from China. He was in China and I was in Mexico and we did our collaring ritual every single day over Skype.

In regards to having children- Can you offer some advice on how to keep your M/s lifestyle and kink lifestyle alive while having/raising kids?

slave Robin: The dynamic always has to come first and there always has to be a discussion. You have to learn to tell your children ” just a minute” or “I’ll get back to you”; it can’t be on their time schedule. It has to be on the dynamic. Otherwise, you may end up saying, “sure, you can do that” and then Master may say, “wait a minute, why’d you agree to that?” Again, you always have to put the dynamic first.

I believe that children should be empowered in any aspect they choose to be. Being truthful and honest needs to be about age appropriateness, and you also have to consider the ramifications to the children. Other children can be horrible to one another. You also have to be careful that your child isn’t telling somebody else’s child something that the other parents didn’t agree to. So, that’s why I’m a big believer in age appropriateness. Also, not everything has to be made as clear to a child. You don’t have to lie to a child, but you certainly don’t have to bring up things that they wouldn’t normally be asking either.

Master Anthony: They don’t have to know everything. Nobody wants to know how their parents have sex.

Any closing thoughts?

slave Robin: Good luck! I hope everyone is lucky enough to find what I have. I consider myself very blessed.

Master Anthony: That goes for me too.

About Master Anthony and slave Robin

Master Anthony and slave Robin began their exploration of Master/slave in 2011 after attending their first Butchmann’s experience together. Their dynamic evolved to 24/7 when they began sharing a home together along with their (combined) five children, at least one of whom is active in the Los Angeles kink community. They married in October 2013 and continued to refine their dynamic. Together, they hold both the 2016 and current 2018 Southern California Master/slave title and now travel, present, provide service to their community, and generally have a really great time!

They host the Sherman Oaks Munch in Los Angeles, which, with well over two hundred guests a month, is one of the largest monthly socials on the West Coast and an important entry point for many people brand new to the Los Angeles community.

Interview with Kirsten from Chronic Sex

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Can you tell us a little about your background? How did you get involved in this line of work?

I’ve been disabled/chronically ill since I was five years old. Throughout high school, I was that friend who would go with friends to Planned Parenthood and talk to them about their sex lives or being risk-aware.

 

How did Chronic Sex come about?

In college, I studied world religions, history, and politics while writing a blog about what it was like to be invisibly disabled. After a few years of writing, organizations and companies got interested in what I was saying. I would occasionally write about how my health was affecting my sex life – those posts continue to get a good amount of traffic. In 2015, I went to a conference where Lucky Tomazeck of Tool Shed Toys talked about sex education. At this conference, I was really surprised to learn how much people didn’t know about chronic illness and disability regarding sex. Because of the lack of information out there, I started Chronic Sex later that year.

 

What is Chronic Sex’s mission statement? How does Chronic Sex go about accomplishing this?

The Chronic Sex tagline is ‘because sexuality doesn’t depend on ability.’ I really want CS to be a resource for people to learn more about disability, sexuality, relationships, and more. I believe that sex (at least in part) is about how we treat ourselves and others. With this being said, a big part of what I talk about is self-love and self-care. While most of the work is on the site, I also host the Chronic Sex podcast and social media chats about these topics when I’m not traveling to host workshops or trying to learn how to rest.

 

How does your work relate to kink?

I’m a bit of a newbie with kink. That said, I think there’s something to be gained from learning with someone as they document their journey. By sharing how kink helps with my chronic pain, I’ve been able to inspire other people to try kink out to see if it’s something that might help them.

 

Is kink a part of your life? If so, has it helped you in any way?

It’s a big part of my life, but not in a conventional way. A conference I went to had a kink exhibition that I was really interested in attending. I wound up spending a lot of time at the impact play station. After being flogged, caned, and whipped, one of my chronic pain conditions – fibromyalgia – stopped being so painful. At this time, I was in the middle of a flare-up (or a period of exacerbated/worsened symptoms) and was in so much pain that it hurt to wear clothing. After the impact play at the conference, I had complete relief for about six weeks and have had lesser symptoms since getting a flogger myself.

 

What are your goals going forward with combining your personal life and/or Chronic Sex with kink/kink education?

The biggest thing I want to do is show just how helpful kink can be. For me, it can be super sexy and fun or something I schedule into my week as a part of my pain management plan. I’ve met so many other people who use kink as a form pain management or even like therapy as well. In short, I want to help the lift the stigma surrounding kink.

 

How has being queer affected your worldview?

It’s helped me to become much more of an activist. I understand things like privilege and marginalization so much better because of the interactions of my identities such as queer and disabled. Most of all, it’s helped me find my people. There is nowhere else I’d rather be than with my queer and disabled pals. We get each other in ways no one else can, and also can help others understand us better when we work together.

 

To you, what does being queer mean? How does it differ from other identifiers in the LGBTQ Community?

Being queer isn’t just a sexual orientation. If I were to specifically name my sexuality, I would say that I am pansexual (or that gender doesn’t factor into who I’m attracted to). I’m genderfluid. That means that I’m non-binary and don’t really have a specific gender expression (or dress masculine versus feminine). To me, being queer encompasses not only both of those identities, but also my disabilities and politics. As someone who isn’t happy to hide my identities for the comfort of others, I tend to be happy subverting the system and making people question their assumptions.

 

Do you believe that there is a known overlap between the LGBTQ Community and Kink Community? If so, what is the overlap? What about for the Disabilities Community?

Absolutely! I think there are a lot of people who don’t necessarily think about these overlaps or realize they exist – but they do. If someone has a chronic illness, that can be considered a disability depending on how they identify. That means someone with asthma, autoimmune illnesses, or cancer might call themselves disabled. I would say that it’s relatively impossible that someone doesn’t know a kinkster who could be disabled. The same definitely goes for the LGBTQ+ community.

 

Do you find that a decent amount of individuals with disabilities are also interested in kink and BDSM? If so, how can the Kink Community make kink and BDSM more accessible to them?

There are definitely a lot of us who are disabled and into kink. A few things to keep in mind:
– Not all disabilities are visible.
– Accessibility needs can include wheelchair access, low/no-scent policy, and being mindful of allergies among many other things.
– Don’t make assumptions about a person’s ability to consent to something without having a conversation with them. Many disabled people wind up being infantilized or made to feel like a child. Part of this is due to the  assumption that we don’t engage in kink or that we’re automatically asexual. Many of us are, but many of us are proud and queer and kinky sluts too.

 

What is your personal motto? How does your work in sex education and writing reflect this?

My motto is ‘Do no harm but take no shit.’ It plays into how I interact with everything in the world. Is X company promoting ableism (discrimination against disabled peeps), other bigotry, or harmful misinformation? If so, I’m going to call it out and point out the issues with it.

 

What would you say is your greatest goal at large? How do you want to go about accomplishing this?

I want people to know that they’re worthy of having amazing relationships and mind-blowing sex no matter what disabilities they have and/or challenges they face! So often many of us forget this due to self-esteem or other issues. Once we realize we deserve more, we can work towards getting that.

 

What new projects/endeavors are you currently working on? How will these benefit the communities at large?

One thing I’m working on at the end of this summer is a literature review of research around kink and chronic pain. There is some out there, but it’s not easily accessible. I’m hoping that pulling information together will help more people gain access and start thinking of kink outside of the box. I’m also hoping it leads to lessening the stigma around kink as well as giving other disabled pals an idea of something that might help them.

 

Why do you feel that sex education is so imperative? What do you feel needs to be talked about more?

I feel like a big part of it is that we need to normalize sex – and not just sex, but good sex. Despite all that I know about sex, I still find myself falling into ideas like it’s normal to have painful sex – and it isn’t. The more we talk about sex and dispel the misinformation around it, the more we can take steps to have better sex – and take care of ourselves.

 

In your opinion, what is the biggest stereotype concerning sex, kink, LGBTQ, disabilities, etc. that needs to be dispelled?

The biggest thing that goes across all of these categories is that it’s never okay to assume things about others. Someone who is queer may not love to wear rainbow gear. A disabled person may not ‘look’ like they’re disabled. Kinksters might be goths or soccer moms. The only way we can learn about other people is through communication- not judgment based on appearances.

 

Any closing thoughts?

I’m so grateful to be able to share these ideas and what I’m working on. Hopefully, people find something helpful within it!

About Kirsten

Kirsten Schultz is a sex educator and writer. Through their work as a queer disability activist, they have earned a reputation for tearing down barriers while mindfully causing constructive trouble. They know how hard it can be to live a full life while dealing with health issues, so that’s why they work most closely with people living with chronic illness or disability, helping them to rediscover their lives after diagnosis.
Kirsten has worked with organizations all around the world, including Healthline, Pfizer, and the Arthritis Foundation. In addition, their work has been featured in articles from publications such as US News, Broadly, HelloFlo, Bustle, and Everyday Health.
Kirsten holds an MS in Healthcare Administration from Utica College. You can learn more about them and their work at chronicsex.org and on Twitter @chronicsexchat.
Links:
www.chronicsex.org – Chronic Sex
kirstenschultz.org – writing site
facebook.com/chronicallysexy – Chronic Sex on Facebook
twitter.com/chronicsexchat – Chronic Sex on Twitter
instagram.com/chronic_self_love – Chronic Sex on Instagram
pinterest.com/chronicsex – Chronic Sex on Pinterest

 

This week in kink: September 10, 2018

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Don’t miss Back To School Camp: Submissive Edition event happening this Sept 15 1:30-5:30 at Lair de Sade!

Classes, crafts, food, raffles, and more!

https://BackToschoolSUB.eventbrite.com

More info on the event page: https://fetlife.com/events/688206

Buy your tickets now!

The Kink Community, like any other community, has its own language and its own unique meanings of words. J.A Rock further discusses this topic and sheds light on this subject

Click here to read more

Ever want to try tantric sex? Sandra LaMorgese explains the benefits of this sexual practice

Click here to learn more

James Michael Nochols takes us deeper into the world of puppy play

Click here to find out more

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

How BDSM Can Help PTSD

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Photo by slave boy julia (sjstudio1.com)

Those who suffer from PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) often make choices that are unhealthy and/or dangerous due to low self esteem, picking the demon they know rather than the unknown, panic/panic attacks, and/or thinking they deserve nothing more than to continue traumatic experiences.

People often self sabotage, get back with unhealthy exes, pick abuse over breaking free, practice unsafe sex practices, cater to their addictions, and many other damaging scenarios, to blot out the pain that they are feeling, to minimize the flashbacks, to not feel the weight of being abused/traumatized.

They often continue this unhealthy cycle of sweeping their torment under the rug, and hoping that it will magically go away on its own. However, it does not work like that. Normally things left undealt with only increase in size over time, and often become too large and overwhelming to be handled healthily without professional help.

Our demons are always there; it’s our job to find a way to healthily and effectively deal with them before they devour us, and/or before they have grown too powerful to take on.

I have found that BDSM can help break this cycle. Before I found BDSM, and before I met my Master, I would deal with my pain in all sorts of unhealthy ways-unhealthy dating patterns, unhealthy sex patterns, operating on low self esteem and abandonment issues alone. My self worth was very low due to the family and sexual trauma I had experienced.

I was caught in this vicious cycle of making myself the victim, and creating this webbed mess that always needed to be cleaned up. It seemed I just couldn’t get on the straight and narrow because of the pain that lived inside of me.

But through playing with my Master and being my Master’s slave, I have been shown that there is a healthy way to deal with the pain. Now, I also go to therapy, see a psychiatrist, read a lot of self-help books, exercise five times a week, communicate with my Master about these issues daily, and part of our contract is dedicated to my recovery. With this being said, I am saying that our BDSM has helped my PTSD, but I am in NO WAY saying it should be the only thing one uses to get over their traumas. However, it can be used as a coping strategy and trust builder for those that have been seriously wounded in tandem with other methods like the ones listed above.

PTSD can generate a lot of fear and feelings of general distrust. I used to fear that everyone would hurt me. Through our BDSM play, I have been show that even though my Master is inflicting consensual “pain” on me, I am still loved, and he would never actually hurt me. Every time we engage in breath play, he’s never actually trying to damage my windpipes. When we practice spanking, hitting, slapping, flogging, or any other form of impact it is for our enjoyment, and never for harm’s sake. My Master actually has mentioned on countless occasions that if I did not enjoy being a masochist, he would not want to continue being a sadist.

When I am objectified, called a slut, whore, sex toy, it is coming from the love that we have in our dynamic. It is consented to and appreciated. It is never coming from an abusive or non-consensual place.

After we engage in play, we always lie with another, talk about how much we mean to one another, and relive the scene we had just created. We often talk about things we liked and what we want to do again. If anything were to occur that we didn’t like we would talk about that too (However, this rarely happens since my Master knows me very well). It is so relieving to feel him close to me, holding me.

The trust, care, love, and respect make these actions satisfying, and help to heal any wounds made by others that once upon a time did these things to me non-consensually, and without any rendition of love, care, respect, or trust.

I have found that it is not the action that is traumatizing, it is the intent, core value(s), and virtue(s) driving it.

BDSM and the values of the Kink/BDSM Community can provide a safe space to work through our traumas in a healthy and safe manner. In my opinion, that why’s rape play exists. That’s why impact play is even a thing. That’s why so many of us love getting consensually choked, whipped, caned, bit, etc.

Someone with PTSD who has been raped might go out looking to relive that experience (these types of motives are usually in the unconscious or subconscious mind), which will most likely be much more damaging than it is worth. This situation is not in a controlled environment, and pretty much anything could happen. Instead, this person could go to a safe space, and reenact what happened/act out what they want to happen safely with a trusted friend or partner (to help work through their traumas). In this situation, it is controlled, and if someone reaches their threshold or is about to, they can always use their safe word. Real life, unfortunately, does not always work that way.

I cannot stress how paramount a controlled environment is when working through our traumas. That’s one reason why people go to therapists’ offices.

Also, at a dungeon there are DMs. So, if things were to become too much, you can always flag them down.

Safety is key. Safety with partners, location, and action. Safety mixed with consistency leads to trust, which will lead to PTSD not having such a hold on you.

In time, as trust builds, you will begin to see a different, positive side of these actions that were once only viewed as the most detrimental thing that could happen. You will begin to see people not as vessels that could hurt you. You will learn that the world is not out to get you and neither are most individuals that cross your path.

Please note, do not engage in BDSM relating to your traumas until you are sure you can handle it and are ready. Always respect your own timing. There’s no shame in waiting. If you are going to engage in play relating to your PTSD/traumas, who you play with should know of these traumas, limits should be talked about/respected, and safe words should be decided. If you find that you were not as ready as you thought after the scene has started, please stop the scene using your safe word(s). It’s never a good idea to force anything, especially when dealing with something so painful.

I would say that even if you are engaging in play that does not directly relate to your traumas, the above should be followed. And of course even if you do not have PTSD and have no apparent traumas, limits, boundaries, and safe words should always be discussed and agreed upon (unless you do not use safe words, but that is an entirely different article).

I think it’s also important to reflect on all scenes-especially the ones relating to your traumas that you are trying to work through. Perhaps journaling could really help with this. Introspection after any scene is essential in my opinion. Introspection leads to understanding and understanding leads to growth. Growth leads to change.

I have found that APRI really helps too. These steps can be done on your own, with a trusted friend/family member, a partner, or therapist. 

Address- Address what happened. What caused your PTSD?

Process- Process the feelings and behaviors that stemmed from the incident or incidents. Notice any unhealthy behavioral patterns.

Resolve-Try to let whatever is traumatizing you go. This is the hardest step and could involve multiple steps and methods to complete. BDSM being one possible method. Make amends with yourself and others (if appropriate and possible). Think of ways that you could make your life more fulfilled, happier, and healthier.

Integrate- Integrate what you have learned thus far concerning your PTSD, yourself, and the traumatic incident. Make a plan of action and rules for yourself that you can follow and will follow based on the new knowledge you have gained. This will allow you to not only let go of the PTSD and your trauma(s), but become a healthier person in general.

Again, please note that there are countless ways to cope with traumas, pain, PTSD, and anxiety. I am merely providing a few coping strategies for one to ponder. I hope you have found this article helpful, and please reach out for more information.

As always, feel free to comment and ask questions. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she will be teaching kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year and organizing events.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink Community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming events and classes.

Lodbrock Pillory Set Review

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The lovely Lodbrock Pillory Set

When I first laid eyes on the Lodbrock pillory set I was instantly impressed. The case that holds the set looks and feels like a treasured antique or something straight out of Game of Thrones. The magnificent, detailed finishing of the wood of the case and vintage-looking, ornate latches made me instantly want to see what was inside.

The surface of the case feels smooth and is definitely something that will add a lot of class and character to my home. It is a comfortable size at about three feet or so long. It also looks extremely discrete, and I have no qualms about leaving the case in my living room; my friends will never guess that anything kinky is inside it.

Upon opening the pillory set, I first held the flogger and paddle. They too have ornate detailing and I could instantly tell they were made of really good quality leather. They are both very well crafted, and it is obvious that they will hold up for years to come. I was quite excited for my Master and I to play with these items. It is clear these toys had a lot of care put into them throughout the making process and are of high quality. The paddle is flexible and bounces back into place after every swat or spanking (the full name of the paddle is “The Spanker”). The flogger is quite versatile, and the sound and swat are extremely unique due to its double-layered tresses.

The leather blindfold adds another wonderful layer; I love that it has a medieval look to it that compliments the theme of the whole set. It is easy to put on and very comfortable. The blindfold is also very well made and the leather is smooth and inviting. In short, all of the pieces in the set work together very well.

Lodbrock seems to think of everything you need to play in whatever fashion you choose. The set comes with many strong black chains and metal fittings to hang the pillory, even ceiling mounts. It’s great how the set gives kinksters the ability to play both vertically and horizontally with the pillory. The set can be hung from the ceiling at any height too.

In their manual they state that the wood and the metal will age over time, which I think adds so much unique authenticity to the set. Lodbrock is definitely set apart from other companies by their attention to detail and their commitment to creating the most authentic and realistic pieces possible to take you back to medieval times. One could role play easily with this lavish set.

Even the pillory key fits the theme perfectly, and is quite beautiful. The pillory is also extremely sturdy and beautifully crafted; I felt completely safe and secure in it. The set also includes lovely padded leather inlays for the wrists and neck. The inlays definitely add extra comfort, but I like that they are easily removable in case one doesn’t want comfort during play. The inlays are magnetic so they stay in place very well.

Furthermore, I know that Lodbrock sells more than just this set and also sells additional add-ons to the set. I would highly recommend any of their products. They are very reasonably priced, and I am so impressed with what they offer their customers.

Like previously mentioned, their products are well made and clearly handled with care; Lodbrock definitely goes the extra mile to provide the best craftsmanship, attention to detail, and quality that I have come across in a long time.

I highly recommend them, and am very honored to review one of their products.

If you want to purchase amazing toys, sets, and kink equipment definitely check them out. You will not be disappointed!

https://www.lodbrock.com/

https://www.lodbrock.com/custom/index/sCustom/27

https://www.etsy.com/shop/LODBROCK

They also have a brochure if you want a preview!

http://www.lodbrock.com/media/pdf/41/f9/22/pillorybrochure.pdf

More About Lodbrock

A small group of artisans and professionals design and create all the products. They love immersing themselves in the past, so they jumped in and started creating the first line around the mystery and fantasy of a medieval theme. Their hope is to make various fantasy worlds for kinky folks to choose from-perhaps, a latex-orientated Kubrick line next.

They started this to create high quality products at reasonable prices. Currently, there is so much junk on the sex toy market. Although a few people are working hard around the world to produce quality equipment, these individuals are mainly single artisans creating a small number of items. Lodbrock has gathered together enough craftspeople to produce large numbers of handcrafted quality items. They have a distribution centre in California and another one in Germany so they can ship quickly within days. No more waiting weeks or months for good equipment. Custom quality, delivered quickly, and at great prices.

Add them and like them on their social media handles too!

Order your pillory set now!

https://www.lodbrock.com/shop/schlossmeister/furniture/1/pillory-set

This is a sponsored post

This week in kink: July 23, 2018

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submissive-camp

It’s that time of year! Sharpen your pencils, prep your binders, and join us for a day of fun as we go BACK TO SCHOOL!

We’re excited to offer an educational event geared towards anyone in the community who identifies with submissive/s-type roles or is curious to learn more about what that side of the power exchange slash experiences.

We’ll be offering 6 classes, 2 crafts, 3 custom baskets, munchies to keep you going, and more!

Join us for the FIRST of a recurring series of education events organized and offered by the dynamic trio: Jenn, Slave Bunny, and Birdy. Our Back to School camp encourages attendees to explore submission and s-type roles through gratitude, service, and self-care.

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Ever wonder what it means to be a bottom or submissive when it comes to lesbian sex?

Click here to find out

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Kasandra Brabaw shares 9 bondage tips for beginners

Click here to check them out

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More and more people are becoming advocates of schools teaching consent to students. There is a popular debate going on right now about this

Click here to read more
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to kinkweekly@gmail.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink.”

Interview with Danny Stygion

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bio_pic

Can you tell us a little about your background, how you got started in being involved in this community, and about your current work within the community?

Danny Stygion: When I was 16, I watched a documentary on HBO called “Fetishes” in 1996. The documentary was about professional dominatrices at the New York Dungeon, Pandora’s Box. It opened my eyes to a hidden world of BDSM and fetishism. Around the same time, I came across Bettie Page, Dita Von Teese, and Marquis Magazine. I’ve always been drawn to the sight of a beautiful woman in nylons. That was my first fetish.

In 2002, I started doing photo shoots and producing events. The 2nd fetish ball I co-produced featured Dita Von Teese as our headliner. This was a couple months after she had just been on the cover of Playboy Magazine. In 2010, I co-founded Sinical Magazine (along with Jack Mallein and M. Porcine), which focuses on elegant fetish and dark pin-up photography.

What is your overall mission in relation to the Kink/BDSM community? How do your two magazines, subspace and Sinical Magazine, help to accomplish this?

Danny Stygion: My goal with Sinical Magazine was to present fetishism with elegance. The magazine grew slowly, but we’ve now featured many of the most recognizable fetish models, burlesque performers, and photographers, such as Dita Von Teese, Masuimi Max, Bianca Beauchamp, Steve Diet Goedde, and Chas Ray Krider, among others. subspace Magazine was launched several years later, and focuses on professional Dominatrices and the BDSM community. We’ve built up a decent network, and we produce two social gatherings/fetish balls a year, which gives our readers an opportunity to meet and network with like-minded people in a safe environment and enjoy performances. We are working towards producing a monthly private and members-only fetish/BDSM gathering as well.

What can one expect to find in each issue?

Danny Stygion: The magazines feature 4-6 exclusive and high-quality photosets with interviews with fetish models, burlesque performers, and dominatrices. We used to have more articles and fiction pieces, but it’s hard to keep consistent writers. I shoot a lot of the content myself, and Angela Ryan helps stylize a lot of the covers.

What is the most challenging aspect of your job? What is the most fulfilling?

Danny Stygion: Staying on schedule with people missing deadlines or not turning in quality content. Dominatrix sponsors changing their mind about their career path before the release of an issue.

The most fulfilling aspect is developing the network and reach of the magazine. Also, making an up and coming adult model, photographer, or dominatrix happy when we feature them.

What type of content do you feature?

Danny Stygion: Dark pinup/fetish imagery set against elegant locations or backdrops with moody/interesting lighting schemes. Stylized makeup and wardrobe, and fetish clothing focused on: nylons, corsets, latex, leather, etc. No cheesecake pin-up style photography. subspace Magazine focuses on the same, but has more Dungeon-type settings with interviews that promote Dominatrices, and articles that cover fetish/BDSM events.

How did your magazines get their start?

Danny Stygion: I researched magazine graphic design and self-publishing for several months before starting and launching the 1st issue of Sinical Magazine. The website was registered in November 2010. Print-on-demand services made it easier to publish magazines on your own, instead of having to spend thousands printing in bulk. Many magazines I’ve enjoyed and admired have disappeared from bookstore shelves, so I’ve been focusing on virtual distribution, e-mail marketing, and social media. I believe it is the way of the future for niche magazines.

How does one go about being featured in your magazine? How does one go about ordering your magazine?

Danny Stygion: We have submission information on our websites: www.sinicalmagazine.com and www.subspacemag.com. The images need to be unpublished. I rarely request a person to be in the magazine now. We receive enough submissions, and I shoot a lot of the content myself. People can order the magazines from our websites.

Are you a lifestyler as well? If so, how does this impact and/or benefit your professional work within the community?

Danny Stygion: I was married for ten years, and after my divorce in 2016, I started actively exploring BDSM and fetishism with various women in my private life. Post-divorce, I’ve consensually played with nine different women at Dungeon locations, hotel rooms, and even a graveyard once. I tried to have a personal D/s relationship with one woman, but it didn’t work out due to lack of communication and incompatibility. I did learn a lot from that experience, and I’ve had much better experiences since then. I’ve very busy, so I choose to explore kink in my private life when I have free time, as opposed to dating someone.  

Can you elaborate on your photography, filmmaking, and publishing endeavors? Do you have any new projects you are currently working on?

Danny Stygion: I don’t do many trade shoots anymore unless it’s someone I really want to photograph for the magazine. I’m mainly hired by professional dominatrices to shoot their ads, and by up and coming models and burlesque performers. I shot a short film in early 2017 called “Solitaire”. My goal is to shoot another short film this Summer. I’m currently deeply involved in the co-production of the 8th Anniversary Ball for Sinical Magazine, which will be held in Houston. It is the biggest production I’ve been involved with. I would like to see the Sinical events develop into a multi-day event with workshops, play parties, and a ball. We are headed in that direction. I work with 3-4 other partners on these events: C. Baulch, J. Short, M. Porcine, and J. Mallein.

In your opinion, what is the best way to hone your craft?

Danny Stygion: To keep shooting and learning new lighting techniques. Keep an open mind. I’ve been shooting for 15 years, and I’m still learning. Editing a magazine and seeing submissions all the time has definitely helped me in knowing what makes a photo great, and being able to interview my role models about their techniques also helps a lot.

Do you have any advice for those that are new to the community?

Danny Stygion: If you are a model or photographer, I suggest you do some research and work with quality people, and consistently submit your work and develop a good portfolio. If you are exploring BDSM, there are events and gatherings in each city. That is one way to start.

What would you say is the biggest challenge the community faces at the moment? What can/should be done about this? How does/can your work help to remedy this?

Danny Stygion: FOSTA/SESTA has affected a lot of people in our community, and I believe it was safer for people when they had advertising avenues that had screening processes. It has affected the livelihood of many friends of mine who are professional dominatrices, and  it has led to ridiculous censorship, such as hashtags like #lingerie and #stripper being banned from Instagram, for example. I try to do what I can with Sinical and subspace social media platforms, email newsletters, and magazines to help promote the people who support our mission.

Any closing thoughts?

Danny Stygion: I’ve poured what I’ve learned about producing magazines into an e-book guide called How to Create and Sell a Digital Magazine. I released this guide on Friday, June 15th.

Sinical Ball VIII will be held in Houston at the Westchase Hilton Hotel Ballroom on Saturday, Sept. 22nd, 2018, and will feature fetish and burlesque performances by Masuimi Max, Kimber Fox, Sabra JohnSin, and Mistress Genevieve. We will also have over a dozen guest dominatrices, workshops, a play party hosted by The Vault Dungeon, vendors, photo gallery, live body painting, and more. It will be a fun event and a night to remember.  

About Danny Stygion

Danny Stygion (born March 21, 1980) is a photographer, magazine publisher,
filmmaker, and podcaster. He is the co-founder and editor of Sinical
Magazine, established in November 2010. Sinical Magazine focuses on
alternative culture and fetish fashion and has featured the world’s top
alternative models such as Dita Von Teese, Masuimi Max, and Bianca
Beauchamp. The Sinical Magazine Podcast was founded in 2015.

In 2013, subspace Magazine was launched, focusing on professional
Dominatrices and BDSM.

In 2015-2016, he produced a series of magazine issues for NightCulture,
Inc., a producer of live electronic music events.

In late 2016, he co-founded an independent film and video production
company called LP-1126 Productions.

www.stygion.com
www.sinicalmagazine.com
www.subspacemag.com

 

Interview with Dirk Hooper

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hooper-secretary-106Dirk Hooper Photography-http://www.dirkhooper.com/

Can you tell our readers how you got your start in the Kink Community?

I’ve been kinky since I was a little kid. I identified what I was into when I was 13, but I didn’t really get involved in the BDSM community until I found a local munch on an AOL chat board much later.

Once I attended that munch it led to my first play party, and I’ve never looked back!

What have you found most fulfilling about being a part of and working in this community?

Being in the BDSM Community is more than a pastime for me. I’m all in. My business, my art, and my life are all directly involved in BDSM. While I’ve tried to engage in vanilla relationships over the past 20 years, it’s always been awkward and unfulfilling. Kink is a part of me. There’s not just one thing that fulfills me about kink. It’s an integral part of who I am and what I do.

What is the biggest challenge when it comes to working in the Kink Community?

I think the biggest challenge is communicating with people outside of the community. There are so many restrictions, biases, and misconceptions in the world. Much of what I do is a direct reaction to my own struggles to get quality news and information out to a wider audience, and helping others to do so as well.

What would you say is your overall mission in regards to the Kink Community? How does your work help to accomplish this?

I remember what it was like to not BE in the community. It was terrible. I knew what I wanted, but I had no idea how to get there. Once I got in, there was so much poor and/or contradictory information, and so many people set themselves up as gatekeepers.

What I want to do is knock down walls. While part of my audience are members of the Kink Community, my people, I also want to reach out to people who have not found their way yet, or people who don’t understand what’s going on. The vanilla crowd is also my target audience.

My photography is focused on portraying my own kinks and the fantasies of the models in the photos, but it’s also to give a positive view of another world to the general public.

My writing, journalism, podcasts, and adult marketing consultation are designed to educate, inform, and entertain. Not all of my work is kinky, but it’s a large part of what I do. Also, I like to help people out.

How did you get your start in writing and photography?

I’ve been an artist and writer since I was very young. When I was little, I would draw superheroes, and write stories about time travel and spaceships.

My professional photography developed alongside my burgeoning interest in the BDSM community. I needed something to take photos of, and I was meeting new people and learning about the lifestyle, so naturally that’s what I took photos of.

I returned to college and took four years of media arts (film, video, and photography), and that led to a professional career in photography.

As for writing, I’ve been serious about doing fiction and non-fiction since 8th grade. I’ve been published as a poet, as a comic book writer, and I’ve written articles for numerous print and online publications.

About five years ago, I got really serious about writing, which led to being published at HuffPost, Slate, Business Insider, Quartz, and even The Sporting News and MSN Sport. I’ve won the Top Writer Award at Quora for the past three years, and I’ve written countless articles for various BDSM sites and my own projects.

With writing, what I’ve discovered is–the more I write, the more positive things happen.

Are there differences in the processes relating to kink photography vs. non-kink photography? If so, what are they?

My process with working with people, kinky or otherwise, are exactly the same. Good photos rely on making a connection with the subject and creating an environment where they feel comfortable.

You’d think that it would be more difficult to get a kinky person comfortable in front of the camera, but that’s usually not the case. If they are into fetish/kink/BDSM, then a photoshoot is often the culmination of many of years of fantasies. This is their moment!

I work often with professional dominatrices, and they appreciate my experience and knowledge of the community.

If anything, I try to find something, or someone, who is interesting to me from another angle to do non-kink work. But the process is actually similar no matter who the person is.

Now, I do create some work that I call my “Walkabout Series” that consists of urban and landscape photography in a particular location. That’s really a meditative process where I explore a location, and try to take photos that are challenging artistically. That’s very different from what I usually do with people.

What do you find most fulfilling about mentoring? What do you find most challenging?

I guess that a lot of what I do right now is influenced by how much I wanted to be in the BDSM community when I was growing up. Since I’m “in” now, and I’ve had a lot of great experiences, I want to help pass that on to others.

Helping someone to experience the lifestyle fully is extremely fulfilling to me, since I know about the joy it’s brought to me.

What I find challenging is “deprogramming” people from all the low-quality information outside of the community, and self-serving misinformation inside the community.

How does one go about becoming your mentee?

I don’t have a formal process set up. What I’ve mostly done as a mentor is provide quality information to individuals or couples, both online and in person.

That could include just answering some questions, to setting up a scene and instructing someone, to ongoing back-and-forth over a long period of time.

How do you personally identify within the community? Has this stance had any impact on your work/career?

In the last two decades, I’ve been a 24/7 slave to two professional dominatrices, and I’ve owned several slaves. I’ve played on both sides of the whip over the years, and I’m comfortable in both roles. However, I do not see myself as a switch.

In every case, depending on who I was with, I’ve been one role or the other. There was no switching involved. I do monogamous long-term relationships. I’m not sure that any label nails what I am, because depending on who I’m with, I’m 100% that role.

When I was starting out, I was mostly submissive. Now I’m exclusively dominant, but if I met the right woman…

I think playing both roles has given me a broad understanding of the community and the kink experience. It deeply informs everything I do in my career.

What do you feel is the biggest challenge the community faces at the moment? What do you think should be done to help with this?

The biggest challenge for the community is fighting the misconceptions and inaccuracies from within and from the outside. Only good information and open discussions will solve this.

How does your work help with reducing this?

I’ve been at this a long time. I’ve built quite a following and a bunch of connections in the community. I do my best to use that platform to share my experiences and the insight I’ve gained through art, photography, writing, podcasts, and mentoring.

Can you give some advice to D types? To s types?

For D types:

Don’t take yourself too seriously. I completely understand what it’s like to have someone, or several someones, hanging on your every word. That’s not just power, that’s responsibility. You should respect that, and it should make you very humble.

For s types:

Be careful. Don’t ever get so caught up in someone that you lose track of who you are, or how valuable you are. If the dominant that you’re following is not making you a better person, they are doing it wrong.

What are in your opinion the best communication and negotiation techniques?

Whether you’re just going to play for one scene, or you’re going to play for a lifetime, you have to take a step back from your roles for a bit, and speak as honestly to each other as possible.

If you’re telling someone what you think they want to hear, then that could lead to hurt feelings, awkwardness, or much worse.

Just be honest and keep an open mind. And don’t rush things. Good communication makes everything better. It’s worth taking your time.

What is the best advice you can give to those who are new in the community?

Relax.

I know it’s exciting, and crazy, and fun. But I can’t tell you how many people jump into this with the wrong person, and ruin their first experience. It’s a LOT. For some of those people they figure it out and get back on the horse. For others, they leave before they get started, and then regret it for the rest of their lives.

Read tons. There’s a lot of information out there now. Don’t just read stuff on the internet. Get a hold of some good books on the subject and educate yourself.

Also, I would highly suggest joining a local group, and bring a friend, even if they are vanilla. Don’t tell everyone what your role is yet (especially if it’s submissive). Watch what happens. See how people interact with each other. Ask a trillion questions (away from the action).

When you’ve found someone you want to play with, then make sure they know you’re new. Listen to what they ask you. Listen to how they answer your questions. If their answers are open and honest, and you like what they say, then take the leap. But if you feel like it’s not the right person, or not the right time, then wait. A good member of the community will understand.

What would you say makes for a great writer? Do you have any advice for how to hone one’s writing craft?

The answer to what makes for a great writer and how to hone your craft are exactly the same answer. Write.

Just write.

About four years ago I started writing between 300 and 1000 words almost every day. The more I wrote, the easier it got. The more I wrote, the better I got. I found my style and I found my groove.

What helped me so much was writing for Quora.com. No matter what you’re into, there are hundreds of questions that need good answers. Those writing prompts gave me an easy place to start. The dedication to writing regularly took away any fear I had about “how good it would be.” And the constant feedback, in the way of upvotes and comments, improved my writing overall.

Can you elaborate more on your podcasts? How do these differ from your other endeavors?

I started podcasting in 2005, long before it was a big thing. I was attracted to the intimate and engaging nature of audio.

Since then I’ve recorded 100s of hours of work including a podcast station called Couch Pirates that covered everything from professional wrestling, to politics, to geek culture. Princess Zoe and I did The Fetish Show for about five years, and talked with some of the coolest people in the BDSM and Fetish Community (and had a lot of fun). More recently, I’ve started a five-minute podcast called The Dirk Side that focuses on positive stories, inspiration, and self-help.

I see podcasting as just another extension of what I do elsewhere. It’s always about information, education, and entertainment.

I’m close to launching one or two more podcasts, and maybe a series of video interviews.

I know you are also a consultant. Could you tell our readers more about that and what services you offer? What is unique about what you can offer your clients?

I’m the owner/consultant for Sexy Networking, which is a business I’ve set up to help with personal branding, social media management, copywriting, web design, SEO, and marketing for people who speak to an adult audience. That includes professional dominatrices, cam and fetish models, adult entertainers, escorts, erotic artists, and writers.

What’s unique about what I offer my clients is 20 years of experience in marketing and branding adult services. I’ve been intimately involved with creating personas and business plans, communicating with the public, and doing writing and design work for people in the Kink Community.

Very few people can match both my time in the community, and my real-time experience doing the work in the trenches to build successful brands over the past two decades.

What new projects are you currently working on?

I just completed a big redesign of my personal photography site. With that done, I’m going to be launching or re-launching several projects that will appear on www.DirkHooper.com.

I’m also looking to do more travel across the United States, and eventually the world, to offer my photography services. I’m not ready to make an announcement yet, but that’s going to open some opportunities to do a big multi-year project that could be a lot of fun.

Over the past three years, I’ve rediscovered my passion for creating erotic illustrations, and I’m going to be gearing that up.

Finally, I’m close… so close, to finishing my first erotic BDSM novel. When that’s done, I’ve got a non-fiction book that’s coming next, and a science-fiction/fantasy/action novel that’s going to be a blast!

Any closing words?

I just want to say thanks for this interview. I consider myself very lucky to have found a community that I dearly love, and I always appreciate the opportunity to share my story.

Please check out my stuff!

About Dirk Hooper:

Dirk Hooper is an award-winning fetish photographer, professional writer, audiobook narrator, podcasting producer and host, journalist for the fetish community, BDSM mentor, and adult personal branding and marketing consultant for Sexy Networking.

Dirk Hooper won Best Fetish Photographer at the 2017 Fetish Awards in St. Petersburg Florida. As a fine-art fetish photographer, Hooper’s work has been exhibited in England, the Netherlands, Belgium, China and all over the United States.  His work is part of the permanent collections of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago, Illinois. Dirk Hooper’s work has been published in magazines like Skin Two, Von Gutenberg, Fet Erotica and Sinical Magazine.  His work was published in the German hardcover art book “Fetish Fantasies: The Best of International Fetish Photography.” He has done professional photography for bands, books, posters and the adult film industry.  Hooper co-founded the alternative modeling site Toxic Goddess.  He offers his photography services for portraits and commercial projects.

Hooper’s articles have recently been published at Business Insider, Inc. Magazine, HuffPost, Slate Magazine, The Sporting News, MSN Sport, and Quartz. He has won the Quora Top Writer award for the past two years. He has also been published as a comic writer, a poet, and performed numerous copywriting assignments for professional and private clients. He is currently working on an erotic novel and a non-fiction book about social networking.

Dirk Hooper is the Host and Executive Producer of “The Fetish Show.”  He has also recently launched a new podcast about success and inspiration titled, “The Dirk Side.” Hooper has been podcasting since 2005 and has produced hundreds of hours of shows over several networks. His first audiobook narration was for the Suzanne Steele novel “Glazov.”

Dirk Hooper does journalism for the BDSM and fetish community through The Fetish Show News, FETISHWEEK articles, the Daily Fetish Chronicle and freelance writing.  Hooper’s award-winning website, http://www.DirkHooper.com features a gallery of his work, informational articles and is the home of “FETISHWEEK.”

Hooper’s inspiration for his work is an extension of his interests and experience in the BDSM and fetish community.  He is a BDSM mentor and has helped guide or train both dominants and submissives.

Hooper works as a consultant on personal branding, social networking, SEO, copywriting, design and marketing through his Sexy Networking business at http://SexyNetworking.com.

Interview with Michelle from the Pleasure Chest

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Can you tell us a little about how the Pleasure Chest got its start?

The Pleasure Chest started in 1971 in New York, at the height of the sexual revolution. Founders Duane Colglazier and Bill Rifkin started out selling waterbeds, but found unexpected success in selling erotic novelties like mood lighting, cock rings, and handcuffs. They decided to turn the store into a full-fledged sex shop.

The company’s first location in the West Village in 1971, challenged convention by refusing to block out the store windows with XXX, which was standard for any store with adult material. Its founders aimed to create a department store feel. This simple principle continues to guide and set the Pleasure Chest apart today, now under the leadership of Duane’s nephew Brian Robinson.

What is your job title for the Pleasure Chest? How did you begin working there? What is your background concerning the Adult/Fetish Industry?

Currently I am a Sex Specialist and Sex Educator. The road here starts with me (as a Theater Education major at the University of Puerto Rico: Rio Piedras) putting myself through college working in the adult industry as an exotic dancer and nude model. About three years later, I moved to Miami and eventually transitioned into doing burlesque and teaching pole dance fitness. Upon relocating to California five years ago, I returned to stripping after a break up that left me broke and almost homeless. A burlesque performer I was dating at the time suggested I apply at The Pleasure Chest since I was looking for something with more regular hours. I interviewed and got the job, knowing that becoming a Sex Educator was my primary goal.

What do you love the most about working there?

I love having the opportunity to help people find the tools they need to better love themselves and each other. I love empowering people to feel comfortable in their sexual experimentation, exploration, and expression of themselves. Redirecting sex negatives attitudes and teaching people about consent is very rewarding for me as well.

In your opinion, what would you say are the company’s core values?

Sex positivity, pleasure based sex education, inclusivity, and adaptability.

What is the Pleasure Chest’s overall mission? How does the company go about accomplishing this?

To provide a non-judgmental, safe space where individuals are free to explore lifestyle products that will enrich their sex lives, regardless of spending capacity. We do this by hiring folks that are not only personally invested in their community, but are also actively a part of it, by carrying a wide range of products from low to high price points (which allows us to maintain accessibility to every demographic), and by offering free sex positive, pleasure-based, workshops and events to support and build up the community.

What is unique about your company and store? What do you feel customers can gain/experience uniquely there?

I believe the level of training we receive first and foremost sets us apart from other adult retailers in this industry. Not only from vendors, but from social justice groups as well. As the language around sexuality and gender has evolved, we have had diversity trainings to better serve all facets of the LGBTQ Community. We make a conscious choice to use gender neutral language, whether it is on the sales floor or in our classes. At the LA location, the team is really more like a family. With this being said, customers are met with friendly, compassionate, and knowledgeable staff. We hear them out, we laugh together, sometimes we cry together. We make sure they leave with what they need, knowing how it is used as well as how to clean and care for their product. They get a curated experience that you won’t find in many other stores or online.

Can you elaborate more on your events and classes that you have at your store? How do they help achieve the company’s overall goals?

For our sex education programming, we try to have a decent amount of variety of topics and instructors while still maintaining staples like Suck It, Live It, Love It (an oral sex class for everyone) and Butt Sex Basics as a regular part of our repertoire. Classes are a great way for people to experience a different facet of the store while they are learning something new or expanding on what they already know. Our workshops are always free, and if customers fill out a feedback form we offer them a 15% discount after the class. They get to buy a product(s) that they might have seen featured in the class at an accessible price, and we learn how to make our workshops an even better experience every time.

We also do community building events like “Performance Anxiety,” which is our comedy night, and Cirque Sexualle, a bi-monthly free burlesque show that showcases POC performers. These events all help the Pleasure Chest to achieve its goal of being more than just another adult retailer. We want to be a hub for the community as well, and a safe place to gather, learn, laugh and get turned on in ways that we aren’t typically privileged to in our usual lives.  

What types of products do you sell? What companies in your opinion are the best?

Literally everything! Novelties, lingerie, lubricant, massage oils, personal care items, condoms, books, dvds, couples toys, vibrators, dildos, harnesses, anal toys, masturbation sleeves, cock rings, kink implements, electro-play devices. I mean, it’s endless. In my opinion, companies that focus on sustainability and ethical production practices without sacrificing the quality of their product are best to me. In my book, that happens to be Fun Factory. All their products are made by hand in Germany where they employ locals who are unionized, are paid a living wage, and have healthcare. They don’t use any harmful chemicals in the production of their devices, or the devices themselves or the packaging. So, their environmental impact is neutral. That is a major turn on for me.

What do you feel the community at large faces right now? How can/does the Pleasure Chest try to help with this?

I think the greatest challenge the adult industry and sex worker community faces is dealing with the ramifications of our government creating regulations like FOSTA/SESTA, which only builds stigma around the sex worker industry, and makes it more difficult for sex workers to survive, rather than “prevent sex trafficking” as it claims to. Framing sex work as real work and supporting sex workers is something that the Pleasure Chest has always maintained a firm position on.

In your opinion, what is the best way to safely explore your fetishes?

Do your research. Read books, both instructional and erotic fiction to get a well- rounded perspective of what the expression of this fetish can look like. Identify what aspects of its expression resonate with you-what turns you on? Try things by yourself first so you don’t have to worry about what you look like in front of someone else. Once you get a good idea of what a ‘scene’ looks like for you, discuss with a partner, negotiate desires and boundaries, and above all else have fun! Give yourself permission to laugh and enjoy playing in new ways, it doesn’t have to be super serious.

In what ways can the Pleasure Chest help with sexual exploration?

I think this is where our workshops really come into play. We take topics from oral sex to g-spotting, to advanced anal, fisting, bondage and impact play, and present them in a way that is very digestible for folks still trying to decide whether or not they are into it. By demystifying and destigmatizing the different ways in which human beings can experience pleasure, we help take away people’s’ fear and shame around the experience of exploration by making it lighthearted and enjoyable.

How is the Pleasure Chest specifically tied to the Kink Community? Do you feel that most of your customers are kinky in some way?

In its early days, a huge part of the Pleasure Chest customer base were those of the gay leather community, and later the store became well known for its yearly “Glory Hole” parties. As time has gone by and BDSM has become more mainstream via mediums like the “Fifty Shades” series, our role has shifted in terms of facilitating conversations around what healthy D/s relationships and consent actually are versus what is presented in the media. One thing I have learned from these conversations is that “kinky” is a sliding goalpost. For some people blindfolds are kinky, whereas for more experienced folks it might not be. For some people, just the act of wearing a condom or doing it doggy style can be kinky. Our job is not to decide what is kinky or what isn’t -because it is truly unique to the individual. Our job is to be a resource people can turn to for receiving the tools and information about how to go about their kink in the most satisfying and safe way.

What does the Pleasure Chest want to offer in the future?

A major priority for us is having an even greater supportive presence in the LGBTQ and POC communities in the outreach that we do. We want to make ourselves accessible to those who face the greatest marginalization because of their sexual/gender expression. I think we understand that we have a responsibility, especially to this younger generation that is growing up during the #MeToo movement, to not only educate, but also lead by example in actively pushing back against the perpetuation of the sex negative, toxic masculine, rape culture.

What current projects is the company working on?

Most recently, we have started becoming more accommodating to our 420 friendly customer base. The legalization of cannabis for recreational purposes has created a unique opportunity for crossover into the adult erotic lifestyle product world. The way that we are responding to this growing trend is by exploring the varieties of quality hemp based products to carry as well as expanding our smoke shop section. I believe the integration of cannabis and the adult retail business is a great opportunity for evolution within the industry.

Any closing words?

I believe that the human body is an incredible biological miracle, and the possibilities for human sexual expression are as infinite as all the people that have ever existed, and will continue to exist as long as we inhabit this planet. Therefore, I believe it to be imperative that we never lose our curiosity towards exploring and unlocking all the many ways our bodies are capable of experiencing pleasure-ways we may have never imagined before, until maybe seeing a movie, or reading a book, having a conversation, or stepping inside the Pleasure Chest.

About Michelle LaBelle

Besides being a 10 year veteran to the burlesque and Cosplay Community, Michelle LaBelle has also used her voice as an activist to create greater visibility for the Bisexual Community. In addition to being a dancer, actress, singer and writer, this proud Puerto Rican native works as a sex positive sex educator, empowering individuals to seek out their most fulfilling sex lives through consent and pleasure-based education.
IG: @themichellelabelle
Twitter: @TheMLaBelle
IG: @pleasurecheststores